Slightttttt AU. See end of chapter for details.
Kurt Hummel had spent a majority of his teenage years thinking about his life once he moved to New York City. The bustling streets, the magic that never seemed to leave the air, and the world of fashion and music he would be exposed to.
He did not, however, think of the logistics of actually getting to New York City. He certainly never imagined he would be going with his boyfriend and best friend, too.
It had felt like a whirlwind for several months. Ever since he, Blaine, and Rachel made the decision to apply to NYADA together. Kurt overanalyzed everything: his audition song, his audition outfit, Blaine's audition outfit, and on and on.
It all boiled down to that decision letter that they swore they'd open together in the choir room. When the day came and they stood there holding the envelopes, it felt surreal to Kurt. He held his future in his hands, literally.
"Blaine first," Rachel said. "He's been the most patient this whole time."
They stood there silently, Kurt's heart pounding as he watched his boyfriend rip open the envelope.
"I'm in!" Blaine cheered, throwing his arms around Kurt. They hugged while Rachel squealed and clapped, and excitement quickly flooded through the room.
"You next," Kurt said to Rachel. He tried to not overthink, but if he was rejected, he wanted to prolong it as much as possible. Even though he was so happy for Blaine, Kurt was just getting more and more anxious by the second.
"I'm in, too!" Rachel launched herself at Kurt and Blaine for a group hug, and Kurt knew it was his turn. His fingers trembled so hard, and he finally pulled the letter from the envelope, unfolding it carefully and scanning the page.
No "congratulations!" Instead, the first word Kurt's eyes settled on were, "We regret to inform you…"
He looked up, his vision blurred from the tears that had already formed. "I didn't get in."
Kurt felt the arms of both Blaine and Rachel around him. He wanted to push them away but he didn't. How did that happen? Did they accidentally swap his letter with someone else's?
"I want to go home," Kurt choked. He wanted to hide in his room forever. It had taken less than thirty seconds for his life to take a complete one-eighty, but yet there he was.
That evening and the next few days were a blur. Kurt remembered the look on his parents' face when he got home, and knew he didn't even need to say anything. Rachel went home but that night Blaine sat on his bed with him, and they ate cheesecake straight from the plastic container.
Somehow the topic got brought up of Blaine deferring his acceptance. Kurt was surprised that he would go so far as to offer that, but he insisted that his boyfriend enter in the fall with Rachel. If the roles had been reversed, Kurt knew Blaine would want him to not slow down for anything.
So then, the summer passed on and August came. Kurt had always pictured himself being much more excited on the day he moved to New York. He was still bummed about NYADA, but he had other things to look forward to.
They found the loft in Bushwick, a bit of a fixer-upper but still home nonetheless. He was living his childhood dream, even though it didn't quite feel real.
"You have your house key, right?" Kurt asked Blaine. It was the first day of his and Rachel's classes. Kurt had always imagined the three of them heading out for school together. It was bittersweet, but he was happy for them.
"Yes," Blaine promised, patting his pocket as they stood in the kitchen. "And the snack you packed me, and the note you wrote me, and the coffee you made me."
"Blaine, come on," Rachel said, dragging out the last word. "We can't miss the train."
"Cool it, Rach," Kurt said, rolling his eyes to tease her. "You could leave in half an hour and still be on time. Do you want a snack, too? I made Blaine chicken salad."
Rachel made a face and put her hands on her hips. "Too nervous. I just wish you were coming with us. But you already re-applied to audition in December, right?"
Kurt nodded with a smile, even though it still hurt a little inside. He was confident he would get in for the spring semester, even though that still felt forever away.
"You're gonna be great," Blaine said, giving Kurt a kiss and picking up his coffee thermos. "We're gonna head out before Rachel has an aneurysm. We'll see you this evening."
They said their goodbyes, and Kurt was alone. He had tried to suppress it, but they kept bubbling to the surface every time: he was jealous. He was confident he had the same amount of talent as the two of them, but what didn't NYADA see? What was he supposed to do for the semester until he had another chance to impress them?
That night, Blaine and Rachel came home very excited and both talked a mile a minute about their days. Kurt had cooked dinner, and he was happy to sit and listen to them, but he didn't have anything exciting to report for himself. He knew he needed to find a job as soon as possible before he drove himself crazy.
So, for the rest of the week, that was what he did. Kurt threw his resume at every job opportunity he could find. Some called back, most didn't. He felt like a parent most days, sending Blaine and Rachel off to school with a snack and coffee and would make dinner when they came home every night. They already had a mountain of work to do, so Kurt just tried to stay out of the way.
That was why, when Vogue called him wanting to schedule an interview for later in the week, Kurt's heart skipped a beat and he eagerly accepted but chose not to tell Blaine or Rachel. They were already stressed out. And what if he didn't get the job? That would entail more disappointment.
"Why're you so dressed up?" Blaine asked the morning of the interview while Kurt was making eggs.
Kurt jumped a little and turned around. He thought Blaine and Rachel had left early without telling him.
"I just need to run some errands," Kurt said hastily. "The bank… and stuff."
Blaine gave him an odd look, but kissed him goodbye without a second thought and hurried out the door. Kurt sighed in relief. He wanted Blaine to be proud of him, but that couldn't come until he had secured a job.
Kurt had been in love with Vogue since he was old enough to read, so actually stepping foot inside the office left him speechless. After an interview and tour he was even more amazed. The boss was the same woman who had called him earlier, Isabelle Wright. And Kurt would never admit it to anybody else, but she reminded him so much of his mom.
It was agonizing that night trying to keep quiet about it, but Kurt managed. The next day was a Friday, and Isabelle called him early that morning to let him know he was hired and could start Monday. Kurt, still in bed, sat up and made her repeat herself just so he knew he wasn't dreaming.
He thanked her profusely, and decided immediately that it called for a celebration. He texted Blaine and Rachel to come home hungry (even though they always did anyways), and he put together their favorite dinner that afternoon, complete with cookies for dessert.
"Okay," he said, after what felt like forever until they got home. "You're probably wondering why I made tonight's dinner so elaborate. I haven't told you because I didn't want you to be disappointed if it didn't work out… butIgotajobatVogue!"
Kurt gushed out the last sentence so quickly he didn't think they heard him, but Rachel gasped and immediately began clapping, while Blaine hugged and kissed him, promising Kurt he was so proud of him no matter what.
Rachel asked him a million questions about what he would be doing and what the office was like, and they ate dinner and dessert and truly got to enjoy themselves, since Blaine and Rachel didn't have anything pressing due over the weekend. Rachel even did the dishes, which let Kurt and Blaine get some quality time that had been hard to come by since classes started.
"Do you want to help me pick out what I'll wear on Monday?" Kurt offered. It was truly something he had been thinking about since the moment he hung up the phone with Isabelle, but he didn't feel confident enough to make the decision alone.
Blaine flopped onto their bed and kicked off his shoes. "As much as I want to hear you debate your sock choices for thirty minutes, do you think can we do it tomorrow? I'm really excited for you… it's just that we had a killer dance class today and I don't really have the energy left to do anything else. I'm sorry... but I'm glad we got to celebrate you."
Kurt nodded and pursed his lips, only slightly dejected. He could always ask Rachel for fashion advice later.
The weekend passed in a blur, and Kurt woke up before his alarm on Monday. Blaine had finally taken a break from his homework the night before to help Kurt pick something to wear, and he got ready extra early to get out the door. It was a normal day, only now he got to leave with Blaine and Rachel and not just be stuck at home all day.
Vogue was everything he dreamed of. Kurt never imagined he would have an opportunity like it, certainly not within two weeks of moving to New York. The first day was busy, but Kurt barely noticed, since he was too preoccupied having the time of his life.
The fashion industry was something that Kurt always felt compelled to learn more and more about. Music and theater were one of Kurt's talents, but fashion was genuinely a passion, and he felt like he fit right in with everybody else, even if he was mostly answering phone calls and running errands for the other employees.
Blaine had wanted Kurt to call him as soon as he got off work to tell him about his day. On Mondays, Blaine and Rachel were at school later into the evening, so Kurt was disappointed he'd have to eat dinner alone, but it gave him a chance to unwind.
Blaine didn't answer when Kurt called, so he gave up and decided to try again when he got back to the loft. After changing into lounge clothes and flopping onto his bed, he called Blaine back. No answer. Again.
Kurt sighed. He knew his boyfriend was so busy and working so hard, but it felt like there had been some immeasurable distance between them since classes started. That weekend, he and Blaine had a grand total of thirty minutes of time together after Friday's dinner, when neither of them were distracted by something else. Kurt knew to expect that, but he didn't realize it would be so isolating.
Nevertheless, he made himself something quick to eat and put on an episode of House Hunters to kill the time until the two of them returned.
His boyfriend finally called half an hour later, but there was a lot of background noise in the call, and Kurt could barely hear.
"Hey," Blaine said, his voice drowned out. "Sorry, our project ran late. Me and Rachel got dinner with some friends from dance, but we'll be home soon. How'd today go?"
Kurt paused the show and smiled a little. He was glad to hear Blaine's voice, but he still couldn't help but feel left out, especially since he'd just eaten dinner by himself.
"It was great," Kurt said. He felt more at ease talking about the job, and he would have gone on for hours. "I have my own little desk and a headset for taking calls, and I got to take minutes during a meeting today, and I think they really like me, and-"
Kurt got cut off. "Hey babe, we're walking down to the train station, I think the call might-"
And it dropped. Kurt tossed his phone across the bed, trying not to be annoyed. Why didn't Blaine ask if he wanted to join them for dinner? It sounded like he and Rachel had made some friends, but Kurt hadn't met any of them. For a minute, Kurt had debated what would happen if he stayed at Vogue and didn't audition for NYADA. After one day he could already see potential to develop a whole career, but if he got into school, what if he got so busy and had to quit?
Kurt brushed all of the thoughts aside and called his dad to tell him about work. They hung up by the time Rachel and Blaine got home, and luckily for Kurt they both let him ramble on about his perfect first day.
"I'm really happy for you," Blaine said, kissing Kurt on the cheek and pressing their foreheads together so they made eye contact. "I mean it. We've got to work on something due by midnight, though. Do you want to keep us company or hang out by yourself? I'll come to bed as soon as we're done."
Kurt looked away, the moment gone and immediately feeling hurt again. "I'm deeply invested in House Hunters," he sighed with a fake smile. "I'll leave you to it, I don't want to get in the way."
And he walked off, sniffling once but then crying quietly so neither Blaine nor Rachel could hear him. Kurt lived with his two greatest friends but never thought he'd feel so alone. So much was going right for him: living in his dream city, working at his dream company, being with his dream boyfriend. But why wasn't he good enough to get Blaine's attention? Why wasn't he good enough for NYADA to accept him? It was frustrating, and Kurt didn't even know how to process how he felt, but he figured that an extra bowl of ice cream and more reality TV wouldn't hurt.
Weeks went by. The weather gradually shifted to where they had to wear light jackets when they left for the day, but it was still pleasant. Everyone fell into a routine, and Kurt was just grateful he had something to do during the day.
He decided to go ahead and re-audition for NYADA in December, since he didn't really have anything to lose. He wasn't willing to give up Vogue, though. Isabelle had already guaranteed him a small promotion come the new year, and Kurt was falling more in love with Vogue every day, even though it was a fast-paced environment and he was still fairly new.
Things were going well for Kurt individually, but he still felt like he barely saw Blaine and Rachel. They were always so preoccupied with something and Kurt felt isolated in his own apartment. Meals together became more scarce, and the three of them hanging out became even scarcer.
It was frustrating, but Kurt didn't just want to sit around feeling sorry for himself. He got the idea to have a de-stressing night for just the three of them like they would do in high school: cooking dinner, a movie and popcorn, and a face mask and gossip to unwind for the weekend. Rachel and Blaine were almost always stressed about something, and it would be a good chance to spend time together without any distractions.
He got to work. Luckily it wasn't hard to convince the two of them that they needed a night away from school.
"Next Friday," Kurt announced, strutting into the living room one night. Rachel and Blaine were working on something in the living room that night, but it was a worthy interruption.
"Attendance is mandatory." He went on. "You guys can pick what I make for dinner and I'll go buy the groceries and do everything. All you have to do is come home and we'll have a movie night and unwind from the week. It'll be just like last year. We could even have a theme, unless that's too far. So, what do you say?"
Rachel clapped her hands. "That sounds amazing, and just what we need after the week we're about to have. Blaine?"
Blaine nodded his agreement. "I like it. We can help, too, unless you want to plan it…"
Kurt was just happy he'd gotten a yes out of both of them, and he was already starting to brainstorm. "No no, I'll do it all. Just mark your calendars and plan for a good time."
The next week put Kurt in better spirits looking forward to their night in. Even Isabelle noticed a shift in his mood, but Kurt was always happy when he was at work. He skipped lunch on Friday so he could leave early and get everything they'd need for dinner, wanting to make sure Blaine and Rachel truly didn't have to worry about anything.
Kurt was excited, even singing to himself as he cooked. The afternoon was pleasant so he pushed open the kitchen window, even though the traffic below became increasingly noisy as the Friday afternoon commute began.
Rachel and Blaine usually made it home anywhere between four and six on Fridays. Preparations for NYADA's Winter Showcase had begun, which meant longer days and even less time together, another reason Kurt picked the perfect time for their dinner together.
His feelings of jealousy for Blaine and Rachel weren't nearly as strong as they had been at the start of the year, but it was still hard for Kurt to know they were already getting to perform and he wasn't a part of it.
He pushed the notion aside. He was happy at Vogue. He didn't come home stressed every night; he was lucky.
Kurt wrapped up dinner fairly quickly, and just in time when Blaine and Rachel were due to arrive. He even plated everyone's food for them: grilled chicken and kale pesto pasta, and homemade cookie dough chilling in the fridge for dessert.
The table was set and it smelled so good. Kurt was starving from skipping lunch but had to wait for the other two. He sighed, sitting down for the first time all afternoon. Kurt pulled up Blaine's location on iMessage, expecting him to be nearly home.
"What the…" Kurt zoomed in and frowned. He and Rachel were still at school, even though it was rapidly approaching six, the time they promised they'd be home by. He was annoyed to say the least, and stuck their plates in the fridge. They were just going to have to be okay with a reheated dinner.
He stayed at the table, trying to be optimistic. Kurt didn't let himself look at the time, but he finally snuck a peek at his watch. Six twenty-eight. Still at NYADA. Kurt called them both and got their voicemail both times. He didn't bother texting; he didn't want to seem that desperate.
By seven, Kurt got up and went back to his bed. House Hunters had been his go-to distraction when he was annoyed, so he settled in for however long he needed to. No one texted or called, so Kurt gave in and ate his dinner with no shame, and even broke into the cookie dough just because he could.
Soon enough, it was dark outside. Kurt baked the rest of the dough into cookies and hid them in a tupperware behind his coat rack. He wasn't always petty, but he was sure fed up. He started to get a little worried by nine, but right as he was debating what to do, he got a call from Rachel.
Kurt sighed and his heart beat faster as he picked up. He knew she'd try to make an excuse.
"Hello?" he said unenthusiastically.
"Kurt? Oh my God, we're so sorry! We had rehearsals like normal but everything got way off schedule, and both of our phones died. Everyone wanted to grab dinner when we were done, and we just… forgot. I'm really sorry, but we're on our way home now, so we'll have time to watch a movie still!"
It felt like Kurt had been punched in the gut. He had been working nonstop all afternoon for their little party… and they forgot.
"It's okay," he said, forcing a smile even though he felt awful inside. "Blaine's with you, right?" Kurt was a little surprised his boyfriend hadn't even texted him, but maybe his phone was still dead.
"Yeah," Rachel said. She sounded distracted. "Want to talk to him? We're taking a cab; we're both exhausted."
"No, it's okay." It wasn't okay. "I'll see you soon."
Kurt ended the call before he could hear Rachel's reply. Well, that was that. They had already eaten dinner, so he took the leftovers he worked so hard on and threw them away, not even caring about wasting food or the effort he put into the meal.
He wanted to cry, or guilt trip them, or act like they owed him something. But… he couldn't. He just had to take it, since Blaine and Rachel were living their dream while Kurt stood by just watching them.
He wasn't in the mood to watch a movie. Kurt put on his pajamas and took a sleeping pill. It was almost ten by then, anyways, not too early to go to sleep.
The tears didn't come until he was alone in bed in the dark. Kurt was in the biggest city in America and the loneliest he'd felt since the early days of high school. He had a hard time believing Blaine of all people would forget their dinner party, but maybe Kurt didn't know him as well as he thought he did.
Kurt heard the door of the loft slide open, and he closed his eyes pretending to sleep.
"Kurt?" Blaine called. "We brought you something." Kurt heard his steps grow closer. "Oh."
He felt Blaine's hand on his back, and his boyfriend leaned down to kiss his forehead. Kurt stayed still, and just hoped Blaine didn't see the tears on his cheeks.
"He's here, Rach, he went to bed. I feel awful, by the time my phone came back on he'd tried to call me."
Rachel's high heels clacked noisily across the floor. "I know, I miss spending time with him. We can plan another night though, maybe after Showcase."
The conversation grew more quiet, and Kurt grew more sleepy. He heard the TV go on, and realized they were having the movie night without him. Kurt pressed his face into the pillow, and fell asleep to the sound of the people he loved most carrying on without him.
Author's Notes:
Here we are finally: the first of this five-parter! There will be a lot more angst to come, and we'll shift to Blaine's side of the story eventually. Each part is shaping up to be about ten pages so I'll shoot to get them done ASAP. I've been wanting to write this for about a year so I'm glad it's finally coming to life! I hope you enjoy as well. I made Kurt a tad dramatic here but I've been in his shoes, and just tried to write from experience. I titled it Living the Dream because the three of them have obviously dreamed of living in New York for most of their lives, but for Kurt it's just not turning out the way he expected.
Regarding AU: in case you couldn't tell, Blaine graduates the same year as Kurt, Rachel, and Finn (he'll come along later) here. I essentially wrote this similar to season four of the show but without all the jumping back and forth to Lima. And no, Blaine doesn't cheat on Kurt in this story like he does on the show!
Well, let me know what you thought and what you think might be coming up! I'm curious to hear, and happy that you stuck around to read.