They had made out a few times, but only initiated by her, and while he wasn't holding back, he wasn't pushing forward either. She liked the respect, but she wouldn't have minded if he sped things up a little.

A lot of it was unchartered territory for her. Not spending the night at a guy's house, because she had done that before. But going all the way with someone, she had never done that before.

But what was new was the feeling that pulsed through her, every time she was with Jesse. The disgustingly sweet giddiness that filled her with his smile, the warmth in her heart each morning as he greeted her cheerfully over Skype (or the radio station, bearing coffee or a juice pouch with her name on it). That feeling had been there for weeks, months even, but she had only just found a name for it, only in the last couple of weeks. Love. And it was scary and nerve-wracking but ever since she heard the words from Jesse himself, it seemed natural and perfect.

It was an all new sort of feeling, and it felt great.

"Are you okay?" Jesse said in concern, breaking away from Beca's mouth and looking down at her in concern.

She nodded, taking the second to catch her breath. "Totally", she assured him, and he grinned,

His torso was so warm, as she pulled him back down. He smiled against her lips and his arms around her felt amazing. Yep, she thought, that was definitely where she was supposed to be; he was definitely the man she was supposed to be with. When their eyes met again, he gave her that goofy grin that he had given her all too often at the radio station, the one she longed for, and it felt like the warmth of him was seeping through that smile.

It took her a while to realise it, but she saw it so clearly. That clenching feeling in her chest before she took the plunge, the fear that he didn't like her, the fear that the bellas, her girls, would find out. But Jesse loved her and he was not going to leave her, not after all of what they'd gone through, and she knew she was ready.

Her thumb rubbed against his cheek and it made him smile a special kind of smile, the kind a dog would after being told he was a good boy, and all of a sudden she was overwhelmed with the joy that he radiated.

"Bec", he said, pulling back again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She had never been better, and she nodded accordingly.

Beca bit her bottom lip, but there wasn't really a subtle way to suggest 'hey, let's have sex' and she couldn't really grab his dick (could she? No, not the first time, she reasoned). She didn't want rose petals and scented candles or any of that disgusting stuff (she was Beca effing Mitchell) but still. There was only going to be one first time together. There was a time and place for dick grabbing. Probably.

It took her a full five seconds of doubt, where she asked herself if it was a good idea (and also if he wanted it too) before Jesse responded in kind.

(She thanked every power existence that she didn't have to word it out for him, because initiating sex was one thing but asking for it out loud was something completely different, and even though she was Beca effing Mitchell, she wasn't ready for that). But Jesse completely understood what she meant. He almost growled against his mouth and she had no idea how she ever doubted it. His hands gripped her back; pressing her down against him and making out had never, ever been that good with any other guy.

Was it love? Was that what love was like? Pressed against Jesse the way she was felt more right and more natural than anything in her life so far.

"I love you", she said against his mouth, and kissed him again and again and again, because she had been waiting for three months to do that, and wasn't going to waste another second on anything but him.

"I love you", he managed between kisses, and she couldn't stand the fact that it hadn't started yet.

She shrugged off her flannelette shirt, and pulls off her tank top in a matter of seconds, because she knew that if she stopped and thought about it for more than a second, she wouldn't completely go through it. When she leaned into kiss Jesse again, he chuckled nervously.

It took her full five seconds of doubt, where she asked herself if it was a good idea (and also if he wanted it too) before Jesse responded in kind.

"Can I? I mean, do you want-"

"Jesse, I just climbed on top of you and I'm taking off my clothes. No, I clearly don't want this".

There was a time and a place for eye rolling, and that wasn't it. But that didn't stop her.

His fingers were shaky as he attempted to unclasp her bra, and he chuckled a little. It took him almost a full minute to take it off (it would have been quicker if Beca helped, she realised, but she enjoyed his hands on her and the smile as he fumbled.

His fingers were not ideal for unclasping her bra, and she wanted to laugh, but she didn't think that was the right thing to do. He laughed it off, and it took him a full minute to pull it away from her- it would have been quicker if she helped, but she enjoyed his hands on her and the smile on his face too much to intervene.

"Wow", he said slowly.

His gaze lingered and she fought the urge to cross her arms and leave, anything to escape that stare, but then his eyes were back in hers and she felt a million times better under the warmth of his gaze.

"You're beautiful, Beca. Seriously, you are".

She bit her lip and for the very first time, Jesse kissed her. It was soft and familiar at first, and not so different to the kisses that she had given him, until his hand tentatively reached up to her breast and gently cupped one. Then it became a thousand times better than anything they'd shared before. The only way she felt could describe it was cute. Jesse was adorable, and treated her like a frail dove or something, and while she disagreed with that on principal (she was not a dove, if anything she was a bloodthirsty wolf or something scary, maybe a feral dog), she couldn't help but feel immensely relieved. He made it feel so natural, far from something she was supposed to perform or put up with, but rather a moment that they shared.

Jesse had claimed not to know what he was doing, but Beca was there to tell him that he did. As he gained confidence he deepened the kiss, and it had never felt more intimate.

"This is nice", she said when he trailed kisses down her jaw line and onto her neck, but really, it was a fucking lot more than just nice.

"I love you", he sighed contently.

"Just... just keep going". It was getting harder and harder to articulate her thoughts, because right at that moment they were running along the lines of 'Jesse don't stop, Jesse I love you, don't stop, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse'.

"No", she panted, pulling away. "Jesse- condom?"

"Huh?"

"Condom", she repeated. "We need-"

"Oh right". And he rolled over, yanking the top drawer out of his bedside table and pulling out a box. "Got some!"

She smirked. "You were hopeful".

"Maybe". And he had the decently to blush as he tore one open. "I've wanted to do this for so long".

"Me too", she admitted, pushing a lock of sweaty hair off her face.

"Me too."

She took the slippery thing from him and tried to unroll it- tried to be sexy and spontaneous- but the stupid thing wouldn't budge.

"Ugh, what the fuck", she muttered.

Jesse chuckled- another fucking chuckle- and took the condom from her (she wanted the touch of his fingers on her, but that would be even better), and picked up another.

He showed her, biting his lip as if he was afraid he too would mess up, and she felt stupid for not knowing how. But it was Jesse she was dealing with, not a sex examiner, and she'd never gotten that far with the guys before him. And she hoped that there wouldn't be any guys after him, either.

She grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss, much harder than she intended − he groaned into it, which leaves her wanting him more than ever. She pulled away, keeping her hands on his face, on his scratchy stubble, and stared right into his eyes when she sunk down onto him with his helping hands guiding her hips. That was the only time she'd ever get to see that exact look, she told herself. They might have sex, make love, fuck, whatever you wanna call it, hundreds of times after the first time (in fact, she hoped they will) but she'd never get back the sensations of tonight. Whether that was a bad thing or a good thing, time would tell.

In any case, nothing would ever be the same as the sensation of him filling her for the very first time (she let out a squeak in surprise and he almost threw her off in alarm, not wanting to hurt her), and gazing into his eyes all the way down. He slowly closed them when she paused, and he looked just as overwhelmed as she felt.

A few seconds, that was all she needed, and she swore their bodies were made for each other.

The two of them lay there, tangled in Jesse's sheets and each other, staring at the ceiling.

"So", Jesse said, and Beca blushed.

"So".

"Um... how was..." Jesse let his voice linger off and Beca blushed deeper.

"I love you", she said, the only thing that seemed remotely fitting. "So anything with you is perfect".

Urgh, where did that come from?!

(And all she had been thinking about since the beginning of summer was riding his dick, so…)

"You were so into me", he said smugly, and she smacked his chest gently, making him laugh.

"Shut up!"

"No, it's cute!" he laughed, a hearty laugh that she always wanted to hear. "I thought about that too".

"You did?" her voice was quiet, and Jesse nodded.

"Yeah! Well, I still do. Beca, I love you. We could do it a million times and it would still be the best".

"A million times, huh?"

He nodded sleepily, and Beca was a goner, she knew it then and there. She was never not going to be crazy about that dude; she was always going to want him. She pulled his warm body over her- Jesse was crazily prepared with the condoms, after all.

They only did it one more time before going to sleep, too exhausted to keep going, but a million times was definitely a lifetime goal.