RATING: K+
GENRE: Humor, Crack
SUMMARY: Olgrath the Goblin doesn't usually notice things. But today he does.

SOMETHING NEW

Olgrath doesn't often notice things; it usually makes his head hurt. He prefers to drink and belch and throw food at his friends-and steal human babies. The last is his favorite. He likes when the king lets him and his friends be more than they are. More fierce. More frightening. Haunting in shadowed corners. More intelligent. But there aren't many babies to steal anymore, so Olgrath drinks and belches and doesn't notice things.

Except that today he does.

"What?" Virang asks in a dull voice next to him. "What you staring at?"

Olgrath doesn't move when a ball of slop splats against the side of his helmet. Other goblins cackle behind him, but he ignores them. "Is that a new chicken?"

Virang follows his gaze to the throne where the king lounges sideways, one leg propped up against the armrest, the other draped over the seat. The fair-haired monarch dances a crystal ball back and forth over a gloved hand, and Olgrath has to tear his eyes away from the hypnotic movement before he becomes entranced. Instead he points to the fowl at the foot of the throne. It's not white and small like the others, but bigger, brown. It flaps its wings, squawking loudly at the king who rolls his eyes and murmurs something beyond hearing.

Virang waves his hands dismissively. "Bah! A chicken's a chicken." He stumbles away, muttering under his breath.

Olgrath moves forward. Because it looks like the king is talking to the new chicken. The king never talks to chickens. Something in Olgrath's fuzzy brain says this might be important. He steps over drunk goblins, kicks a few hens out of the way, and finally makes it within earshot of the king. The new chicken flaps its wings again, squawking in several angry bursts.

"We've already established what I think of your idea of fairness," the king says, sounding bored.

The new chicken screeches and makes as if to peck at the king's leg.

The king nudges it back with his boot. "Idle threats, precious thing. You made your choice and you know the terms. Unless you're ready to submit..."

Precious thing. That seems important, too. But Olgrath can't make the pieces fit together.

The new chicken squawks in rage, flying onto the throne, ready to claw at the king. But he catches the creature with ease and gently sets it back on the ground. The king is never gentle with goblins or chickens. Olgrath scratches his ear in confusion.

"It's a no, then? Pity." The king laughs softly in a way that makes Olgrath's insides come to life with the Thrill. The king only laughs like this when he's in the mood to do Wonderfully Bad Things. "Since you're so adamant, you had better run along and play with your new feathered friends. Knowing your obstinate nature, they'll be your companions for a long, long time." He gestures toward a cluster of hens pecking at the refuse on the court's stone floor.

The chicken lets out a sound of defiance.

The king rises out of the throne, dropping the crystal, and towers over the creature with his hands on his hips, suddenly wearing his terrible, black armor. Olgrath is giddy with anticipation. The rest of the throne room falls silent as red eyes turn toward the king.

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," he says to the chicken.

Hushed gasps ripple through the crowd of goblins. Sarah. The girl who ate the peach and forgot everything. Olgrath's mouth falls open, and he retreats back a step. Not her! But then, she wasn't a chicken, was she? Olgrath scratches his ear again.

"You cannot bait me with your paltry insults," the king goes on, his grin turning marvelously diabolical. Olgrath's confidence is restored. "By all means, do find a way to rescue yourself from this predicament. I look forward to your attempt at retaliation. Though, I do hope you avoid getting eaten before then." He laughs long and loud, but cuts off abruptly.

His mismatched gaze whips to his subjects. "Well?" he prompts.

Olgrath and the others force out laughter until the king silences them.

He turns back to the brown chicken. "Now, be a good little hen and shoo."

The chicken squawks violently, but the king ignores it as he sits back on his throne.

Olgrath doesn't quite understand. Wonderfully Bad Things did not happen. Or had they already and he missed it? Too many questions for his little brain. But he thinks he'd better stop that chicken before the king gets annoyed and bogs everyone nearby. He steps forward and grabs the creature, hardly feeling its beak poking frantically at his leathery skin. The king glances at him with shrewd eyes, but doesn't stop Olgrath's retreat.

"Careful," is all he says.

Olgrath nods. He's pretty sure the king doesn't want this chicken eaten, no matter what he said earlier.

The chicken pecks furiously at him. It tickles.

"I think, maybe, chicken races."

~FIN~

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to let me know what you thought of this little snack of crack! XD