Title: Don't Want To Miss You
Summary: Terminal. A word you just don't want to hear. Ever. So when Virgil is told the love of his life is terminal – he does what he does best bottles it up. Until his eldest son, tells him that not what Aysha would want. Virgil turns to music writing a song he knows she will love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Thunderbirds. They belong to Gerry Anderson and iTV. Lyrics are not mine, they belong to Aerosmith.
A/N: Been a little while in this fandom…not as long as some but I'm back. For a bit of Virgil and Aysha loving. I play on the relationships in TAG2015, with Penny/Gordon and Kayo/Scott as well but only in mentioning – not actuating.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing;
Watch you smile while you are sleeping;
While you're far away and dreaming;
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
I could stay lost in this moment forever;
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure;
— Aerosmith, Don't Want to Miss A Thing
Virgil and Aysha had a life together. On Tracy Island they were able to raise 6 wonderful children. The twins were unexpected but nonetheless loved. Robbie, Will, Isabelle, Katelyn and Laken and 'Baby' Lucille. Aysha started to get sick often, she'd stay in bed for days. Virgil would be by her side all the time, only leaving for a rescue and when he got back he wouldn't even go to the debriefing. It may have annoyed his brother, but Scott knew how worried his brother was. They all were. She was a special person to them all. Whenever she got sick and Virgil had to go on a rescue, Robbie would sit with her. Reading to her, telling her jokes, anything to keep her mind off Virgil. She worried too much, he always told her so. But no one could have predicted what the Doctor's would say when Virgil took her to the mainland after her last bout had lasted for two weeks.
"What do you mean Terminal?" He stared at the Doctor almost unable to comprehend what had been said.
"There is no cure for the illness, Mr Tracy." The Doctor clarified. Virgil felt his heart shatter.
"So what do we do?" He asked almost in a whisper.
"We can help make Aysha comfortable, but there is no cure. We can't definitively say how long Aysha has left. But we will say make the most of what time you have left with her." The Doctor bid them goodbye and left the room to give them a moment. Aysha reached out a hand and put it on Virgil's knee, she always did when he got worried.
"Virgil? Talk to me." she whispered.
"Why us?" He asked, turning eyes heavy with tears to her face.
"Why not us?" She said with a small smile.
"This isn't one of those times, Ace. What are we gonna tell the kids?" Virgil asked.
"Lucy is 20. She'll be able to handle it. She's the youngest. They are hardly kids anymore Virgil." Aysha said.
"But they are our kids." Virgil pointed out.
"Yes, but they are adults now. So are Drew and Grant, Scott's boys, and Anabelle, John's daughter. Gordon and Alan are the ones with the babies." Aysha said.
"How do we tell them — the kids I mean?" Virgil asked.
"The truth and exactly how the Doctor told us. Straightforward, not fluff. They deserve it." Aysha replied.
"But… brain cancer?" Virgil was still trying to process this information.
"Brain cancer? But Mom…how?" Lucy was already crying. She was the youngest and the most likely to not take this news too well.
"No one is really sure, Luce. Unfortunately, there's no cure and it's terminal." Aysha explained, her husband had disappeared.
"So…you're going to leave us?" Will asked, his anger was palpable.
"I'll always be there in your hearts and your thoughts. For now that's enough." Aysha said.
"But Mom…we need you." Katelyn said.
"You have your Aunts right?" Aysha said.
"Yeah but, Kayo, Aunt Isabel, Lady Penelope and Aunt Myles…they aren't you." Laken said, he was more perceptive and emotional than his twin sister.
"They'll look after you when I can't. But can you all promise me something?" She asked.
"Of course Mom, we'll do our best." Robbie said.
"Look after your father won't you?" she asked, Robbie laughed.
"Like I said, we'll try out best Mom." He said with a wide grin just like his father's.
Virgil closed off into himself. He couldn't deal with it. He'd shut himself up in Thunderbird 2 or his workshop and be in there for hours. Then he wouldn't even go to his room to sleep. He'd go to a guest room or he'd sleep in the med-bay of Thunderbird 2. He was killing himself by not watching his wife. Robbie was sick of it and he had to get his father to realise that he wasn't all alone in his heartache. So the 28-year-old marched to his father's workshop and grabbed him by the arm, the 47-year-old was surprised but allowed his son to drag him up to the house.
"If you're going to close off from us, at least be in the music room. Think about Mom. She's dying Dad! She needs her husband to be by her side, not hiding away. Hiding won't make it go away, this is real and she is dying! So why don't you pull your head out of your ass and be the man I know you can be. The man I know you are."
"I can't lose her, Rob."
"Newsflash: We're all losing her, Dad. Not just you. I know she's the women you've loved since you were 14. I know the love story, I've heard it enough times from Uncle Scott. But you need to be the man she needs right now. You were there are that start – so be there at the end." Robbie was making a lot of sense. He wasn't the only one losing they all were. Virgil had never felt more stupid than he did right then. Why had he been doing?
Music tended to calm him and it started to again. He began playing music again. A lot of it was just simple scales but it calmed him. Then he started to write. And they could tell. He wasn't happier as such but when he needed the time he was in the music room. Even sometimes Robbie and Will would stand at the door and listen to him. When he was 'in the zone' he could easily lose himself in the music and be blind and deaf to world outside of it. A song was forming and Robbie was lucky enough to hear a few of the lyrics.
Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating;
And I wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever
That was his father, his Dad. Virgil was hopeless romantic and he'd gotten Aysha to move to the Island with a song, so why not sing to her in her moment when he was saying goodbye as well? Robbie felt tears built as he thought of the story of his parents.
Aysha and Virgil had met at school. She lived down the road from Grandma Ruth Tracy and she had often helped at farmhouse. Until Jeff and the boys moved in after the death of Jeff's wife, Lucille. Aysha first Virgil at school. They were lab partners – because she was 'weird' and didn't have any friends. They grew up together. Even when Jeff Tracy bought his island – Virgil refused to move school and even forced his father to send him to the same co-ed school Aysha went to. They had to separate in 12th grade but met up again in College. They dated steadily in college and when graduation came they had to say goodbye and that is how Robert came about. Until IR started and Aysha and Virgil reconnected at one of his father's functions for Tracy Enterprises. From there, he told her about IR and she was accepting of it, then they were engaged, married then William came along.
But this song this was about his Mom. His father was writing a song for her. And for once, Robbie was glad his father had shut himself in his music room.
"I can't bare it, Ace." He whispered to her as they lay side by side.
"Virgil, it'll be hard to leave you all behind, but it's my time." Aysha replied rolling onto her side to face him.
"But, Baby…I'm not ready to lose you. I'll die without you." Virgil said his voice thick with tears, she could see them rolling down his temples into his hair.
"Virgil. I love you more than life itself and I'll never be truly gone. I'll be right here, in your heart." She reached out putting her hand on his heart.
"Baby, I'm gonna lose you." He whispered, putting his hand over hers.
"No, not ever." She said.
"Why did it have to be us?" he asked.
"People die every day, it's my turn. That's just the way it is, Virgil." She leaned up to put a kiss on his mouth.
"I'll miss your kisses the most." He said softly against her lips.
"I'll miss you hugs. Hold me Virgil. Just hold me." He did, rolling onto his side he pulled her into his chest. They lay there cuddling and memorizing.
"Would you if you could?" she asked, not needing to specify what it was she was referring to.
"Yes. If only to memorize it all again. All those ticklish spots, all those spots that made you writhe with need. Everything. But I can't not now." He whispered running one hand down to her hip and rubbing his thumb over a particularly sensitive spot. She sighed and snuggling in closer to him.
"I love you, Virgil Tracy." She whispered as she fell asleep.
"I love you, Aysha Tracy." He replied pressing a kiss to her forehead.
It happened slowly but she began to deteriorate. Her body began to fail her and her memory was foggy, she was still as sharp as ever but names left her at times. She remember Virgil as he had been her constant but he kids – Lucy was heartbroken when her mother momentarily forgot her name. But Robbie had called her back saying it was only a momentary lapse. She didn't mean anything by it. It happened to people suffering from this disease.
They were always there nearer the end. Holding her hands. Helping her to eat or drink. Virgil, Katelyn and Lucy all helped her to the toilet and to wash. Robbie, Will and Laken were her reader. They would read to her – even if she requested a children's book. Anything she wanted. Virgil would play on his keyboard for her. She had always loved his music. Anything she asked of him he would have done in a heartbeat. She often drifted off to sleep with his music as if calmed her, it made her feel safe and at peace.
It was painful to watch her slip further and further away. Virgil told his children it was like this when his grandfather, Grant, got dementia and passed away. Every day he would forgot names, places or things. But it was when he started to see things that weren't there, or people that weren't there, that was the scariest thing. Thankfully, Aysha never did that. But it was still heartbreaking to watch. Robbie hoped his song was finished or his mother would never get to hear it. Her health was leaving her and she had to hear the song.
Virgil had recorded the music so he could just play the music and sing along. That was the easiest way to do it, so with Robbie's help he was able to set up the keyboard showed him which button to press and would indicated when to start the music.
A voice. Just a voice no music, broke through her haze. Virgil. He was singing. She always loved his singing. But the lyrics broke through her fog.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing;
Watch you smile while you are sleeping;
While you're far away and dreaming;
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
I could stay lost in this moment forever;
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure;
Virgil indicated to Robbie and the music started, softly but it was there, mostly to keep him in time, he would lose it as soon as her eyes opened to look at him. As they knew she would.
I don't want to close my eyes;
I don't want to fall asleep;
Cause I'd miss you Baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Cause even when I dream of you;
The sweetest dream would never do;
I'd still miss you, baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Virgil was holding it together well, Scott, John, Gordon and Alan were at the door now. Although this was a family thing his brothers were welcome anytime.
Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating;
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing;
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together;
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever;
Aysha opened her eyes and looked at Virgil, his voice broke slightly and he stumbled but he regained it, it was pity none of his sons had inherited his singing voice.
I don't want to close my eyes;
I don't want to fall asleep;
Cause I'd miss you Baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Cause even when I dream of you;
The sweetest dream would never do;
I'd still miss you, baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Here was where he knelt down and took her hand in his singing directly to her, she needed to hear this for this was what he really needed to say and couldn't find the words without music.
I don't want to miss one smile;
I don't want to miss one kiss;
I just want to be with you;
Right here with you, just like this;
I just want to hold you close;
I feel your heart so close to mine;
And just stay here in this moment;
For the rest of time;
This was it the wind up. She was smiling and she was mouthing 'I love you' to him. Virgil was staring right into those eyes that used to be so bright and full of life. Now dull and that life was slipping away.
I don't want to close my eyes;
I don't want to fall asleep;
Cause I'd miss you Baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Cause even when I dream of you;
The sweetest dream would never do;
I'd still miss you, baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
I don't want to close my eyes;
I don't want to fall asleep;
Cause I'd miss you Baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
Cause even when I dream of you;
The sweetest dream would never do;
I'd still miss you, baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing;
I don't want to close my eyes;
I don't want to fall asleep;
Cause I'd miss you Baby;
And I don't want to miss a thing.
That was it. Virgil whispered one last 'I love you' to her, kissed her mouth softly as her eyes slipped closed. The children had already said their goodbyes weeks earlier. Virgil would never say goodbye. He had promised her that when they separated at graduation from college. He never said goodbye. It was too final.
"I'll miss you Baby. I've lost you." He whispered this as she exhaled her last. His eyes closed as his tears finally slipped free. Robbie dropped to his knees next to his father and a little awkwardly pulled his father into a hug. No one else moved.
Despite the service being on the Island it was beautiful. They'd taken International Rescue offline for the past week and listed it as a personal loss for the organization. Which wasn't a lie, perhaps a slight stretch of the truth but not a lie. None of them spoke. A headstone rested on the top of an outcropping overlooking the ocean. She loved it out there looking out over the ocean almost as if she were waiting for the sight of Thunderbird 1 or 2 coming back from a rescue. Where she would stand she would feel the warmth from the thrusters. Now she would never feel that warmth again. Virgil would never see that figure standing there. But she would always be remembered.
Her body would rest behind the villa. Next to her father-in-law and her husband's grandmother. One-by-one, let by Scott, they laid white roses from the garden near her head stone. Virgil was last. Robbie and Will waited and watched as he fell to his knees by the headstone. He laid the rose down on top of the rest and closed his eyes against the tears that had threatened to fall since he woke that morning.
A/N: I have never had a close family member suffer brain cancer. However one of my mother's cousins did and she passed away quite a few years ago now. I unfortunately didn't know her well or at all, so I have no idea the effect brain cancer has on a person. She was in hospice care at the end and that maybe better for some but I think having Aysha at home was better for the Tracys. Even it was heartbreaking to watch it happen. I'm sure Virgil could really use that huge group hug.
Virgil and Aysha's children:
Robbie – 28—years—old
Will – 26—years—old
Isabelle – 24—years—old
Katelyn and Laken – 22—years—old
Lucy – 20—years—old