Part two
Life was truly a very strange thing, Daenerys Targaryen thought as she stared at the naked man smirking in front of her, visibly unbothered by decency and the coldness of the room.
She dared not look downward. Nope.
Not now anyway.
She looked at Tyrion, then at Varys who raised his eyebrow in a severe manner.
Oh, yes, she remembered. She was supposed to be an untouched maiden.
"Cover yourself, good ser," she said hurriedly, waving nervously towards the King in the North. "You're in the presence of women."
"You're overdoing it, my queen." Missandei whispered at her ear.
She blinked, her gaze fixed on the man.
"Oh, don't cover, then."
"No!" Tyrion shouted.
"How unseemly," Varys continued. "Your Grace, you can't think of…"
But a louder voice interrupted them, rough and irritated.
"SO what do I do, your Grace? Cover or not? The Deads won't be waiting that long."
Daenerys thought she heard Ser Davos whispered to him "And your boner either."
Which could explain why suddenly, the insufferable man covered his manhood with his hands.
Geez, men…
She rolled her eyes, tired with all this nonsense.
"Oh Gods, put me out of that misery…" She sighed, before glaring at the man. "Cover, would you? I need to think!"
He blinked at her, his mouth taking the shape of a "o", before looking at his own body as if his nervous gaze could somehow cover him.
"Wait!" Varys exclaimed, with sparkles in his eyes, clapping with his hands. "I have exactly what is needed for that!"
Tyrion sighed. "O gods, not again…"
Daenerys' eyes widened, then she nodded, allowing him to proceed. He clapped once again, and then various little boys (his little birds, he called them fondly) came with fabrics in their hands.
Little did she know that the following act had the potential to lead her on the verge of insanity.
Because thus began an endless series of fittings where the King in the North was dressed, then undressed at multiple times, Ser Davos and Varys discussing shapes and colors while Tyrion was drinking his despair away.
Missandei was chuckling the whole time, and Grey Worm was glaring, seemingly jealous that she looked at another man.
All that time, Daenerys had her eyes covered by her fingers, though she realized the fingers somehow tended to spread more and more.
Okay, now he looked like a monk, she thought at the twentieth fitting. Less sexy.
Dear Gods…
Though…
No. Not sexy at all, Daenerys corrected herself.
"No, no, it doesn't work," Varys remarked, tapping his chin with his forefinger. "Why not with a little bit of color..."
Another undressing, and Daenerys found that she had been pressing the blades of her throne a bit too much. She was beginning to bleed.
"I look like a fucking rainbow," The man in question groaned when the cloth was put on him.
"I think you should stop it now," Daenerys said wearily.
And my heart would not bear another undressing, she thought.
"But…" He protested.
"If you want other clothes, you should have brought them with you, my lord," She did not look at him, only waved him off. "Now you must earn them."
He fidgeted, trying to shake the clothes a little.
"It's too bloody hot in here…" He moaned.
"You don't say…" Daenerys massaged her temples, the headache beginning to settle on her brain. "Tell me, Jon Snow. What's your story, my lord?"
"King," muttered Davos angrily. But Jon stopped him.
"The Deads…"
She shook her head.
"No, I'm not in the mood for that today. Tell me why you decided to come here specifically, with only Ser Davos at your side and no escort as would be befitting for your rank as king?"
He fidgeted.
"Well…" He began.
"Well…?" She repeated, irritated. "What are you waiting for?"
He stared at her, exasperated.
"For the clouds. It helps to set out the feedback. Oh, here's they are."
*Feedback break*
Another version of Jon Snow was discussing with a beautiful red-haired woman ("that's just my sister," presented Jon with an awkward smile towards Daenerys).
"We need to be better than Cersei," She said clearly as if she was explaining life to a child. "To think like Cersei. To be Cersei."
She closed her eyes, then opened them to stare vaguely at the distance.
"So what do you think?" Jon declared, exasperated. "What does Cersei think?"
The woman's glazed eyes fixed on him as she put both of her gloved hands to each other.
"I think…" She began, taking a breath. "I need to have sex with you…. Can I?"
"You must be kidding me…" Tyrion said from the fourth wall.
"Hey! That's my flash-back."
"And what's with the white in her eyes?" Daenerys ' hand asked, an ironic smile on his face "Your memory is quite screwed up, man."
"No, it's perfect."
*Flashback end.*
"That was a very bad trip, if you asked me…" Tyrion tried to regain his composure. "And I've known some already twisted."
Daenerys shook her head, bewildered.
"SO that's how it happened?"
Jon looked at her with an amused smile.
"Pretty much sums this up," He added. "I fled and she called herself the Queen in the North and asked me to come back to her."
Daenerys tapped her fingers on her knees, deciding that she did not need to hurt herself more than she already was.
"You mean to tell me you've been sexually harassed by your own sister, so you fled to save your virtue and hers, and now you're selling yourself to me because she called herself queen in the North and she's calling you back?"
He nodded eagerly.
"That, and I need armies for the greater good."
"And what is the greater good?"
"The fight against the Dead. Duh."
Daenerys rolled her eyes.
"How heroic."
"I know."
"It was ironic." She rectified. "It sounds more like a man's fantasy."
"Ouch."
"We're here, you know," Tyrion intervened, waving.
She ignored him. Instead she raised from her throne and began to step forwards towards the man who ruined her quiet evening.
"Do you know where I come from?" She began.
"I'm not going to point it in a map." He shook his head, glaring defiantly at her.
Her eyes widened.
"I…"
"DON'T PATRONIZE ME!" He shouted.
"Al-right…." She said, unsettled, wondering how to explain things to someone who decidedly would interpret things in another way than she intended to. "I was just going to say I've survived catastrophic events and I'm not going to be convinced easily by a man who thinks he can get what he wants from me just by coming naked and talking to me about things that seemed to be a pervert's fantasy."
"Oh." He said, blinking his eyes. "Sorry. But I'm not a pervert. I'm…"
She huffed.
"Well, Jon Snow suffered too!" Davos intervened eagerly. "He took a knife in the heart for his peop-…"
"Way to tell everyone I was dead, Davos."
"Whaa…"
"Figure of speech, your Grace." Jon Snow said with a charming smile. "Now how about we discuss our next… arrangements?"
Daenerys bit her lips, trying to stop the tempting images that came to her.
She clenched her jaw, irritated with herself.
"You. Are going to go to bed. Now."
"With you?"
"NO." She narrowed her eyes. "Grey Worm will show you your room. And your friend will follow you. Tomorrow we will talk."
"But… The dead…"
"NO TALK. BED."
"He's a king, your Grace." Davos interved. "He's allowed to go to sleep whenever he wants."
"What he said." Jon added. "I'm not a child."
She got closer to him, until only an inch separated their faces.
She heard her advisors gape at her boldness, but she did not care. She needed to intimidate him. Even if he was a head taller than her.
Still smaller than Drogo, she thought amusingly.
His breath smelled like fresh mint. Icy. She could see her approach affected him, as he seemed to be holding his breath.
Was he scared of her?
She raised on her toes, touched his shoulder to have a better support, then whispered in his ear.
"You may be called a king in your home, my lord" She uttered with a controlled, pleasing voice. "But not in this place. So I tell you once again, before I send more men after you. Go. To. Bed."
His eyes narrowed as she distanced herself from him, and she could see his pupils had widened.
"Grey Worm," She called with as much calm as she could. "Lead these men to their rooms."
When finally the doors were closed behind them, Daenerys leaned on it, really tired and trying to overcome the uneasy feeling that came with the King in the North. That's when she heard their voices on the other side.
"She's feisty."
"More like she has a bad temper."
"But I can see you liked it."
"Not at all, I tell y-"
She crossed her arms and shouted at them.
"I hear you, you know. The guards are on their way…"
She rolled her eyes as she heard the hurry on their steps.
Then she sighed, looking at her friend who was smiling amusingly.
"In which madman's nightmare did I fell into, Missandei?" She said.
…
…
Author's Note: I hope you liked it :) Just a little crackfic, quickly written, not to be taken seriously.