Chapter 2: The hatchling
Author's note: A disclaimer: I know very little about babies! The adverts on my browser are currently all about babies, given all the searching of random birth and baby related things I searched for this chapter, but undoubtedly, I'll have got some things wrong! Please be kind...
Severus rubbed his smarting cheek, glaring down at the woman opposite him. "You can be nice, Sev Snape, or you can get out of my home!" Isabel blazed. "I don't care what part you've had to play in this, if you can't behave yourself, you don't deserve to be part of it!"
She'd slapped him. She'd actually hit him! He was torn between anger at the affront and admiration for her courage. Annie watched wide eyed from the corner. He should be grateful that Isabel had hit him before his temper got the better of him and he'd struck Annie. His pride still smarted, though. "I'll behave," he grumbled.
"See that you do," Isabel retorted sharply. "I'm just next door… and the door stays open!"
"There are things I need to discuss with Annie that are very private," Severus growled.
"Well, you gave that up when you scared her into a corner," Isabel said. "You can say it where I can hear it or not at all." She flapped her hands at him until he stepped back, bewildered, then she beckoned Annie to a chair. "Sit down, Annie, and then Sev will too, and that way, he can't push you into the corner again."
"I didn't push…" Severus began, but Isabel cut him off.
"I don't want to hear it," she said. "I wouldn't be letting you in here at all if it wasn't to try and make sure Annie has some support, so you'd better buck up your ideas fast. You can be kind to her and do the right thing, or you can make yourself scarce, and we'll gladly have a lawyer contact you for your financial contribution."
Severus nodded dumbly. Isabel Warrick was nothing like the girls at Hogwarts. There, the pureblooded girls were demure, mindful of their place, and the halfbloods and muggleborns learnt soon enough, or were ridiculed. Even Lily, with her firm ideas that intelligence was a better indicator of status than blood purity, believed that women should turn to men for advice, driven as they were by hormones and emotion. Severus suspected that Isabel would quite possibly slap him again if he gave any such view. She stared him down, and then seemed to decide she'd cowed him enough. She brusquely indicated a chair. "Sit. Behave. One more outburst, and I'll have you out."
He nodded again, but she still seemed to be waiting for something. On a hunch, he murmured, "I'm sorry, Annie."
This seemed to mollify Isabel. She sniffed disdainfully, turned and left. Severus took a long breath. He'd been trying to convince Annie that it would be best to remove the problem altogether, and apparently, the issue had become heated. He gave it one last try. "You're sure?" he asked. "All this could go away."
She folded her hands protectively over her belly. "I'm sure," she said quietly.
Severus looked out of the window to his right, not quite able to look at Annie. "I'll do whatever I can," he said flatly. "I don't have much money right now, but I really will do what I can. I'll be honest, I don't want this. I'm not interested in having a child, not right now." And not with you, was the unspoken through ricocheting in his head.
"We could make it work," she pleaded. "Be a real family?"
Severus shook his head. "I won't marry."
"Why not?" she demanded petulantly.
He made a decision, then. He knew he'd have to warn her about magic, but he couldn't, not with Isabel listening. He couldn't tell her that he was hopelessly in love with Lily Evans either. But he could show her something else, something to convince her that he would be a poor husband. "How much do you remember of that night, the night when all this-" he indicated her belly with a wave of his hand- "happened?"
She blushed hotly. "Enough," she said. "It… it hurt, and it felt so… so… delicious."
He raised an eyebrow. Who'd have thought it? He hadn't been gentle with her. But that wasn't what he was aiming for. "You asked then why I kept my clothes on," he said.
She scrunched her face, as if she was thinking hard. "Yes…" she agreed slowly. "I remember that…" She'd asked him why, asked if it was normal to do this with clothes on… he hadn't even completely undressed her, her blouse open and her skirt hiked to her waist.
He gulped, afraid now. "I'd like to show you something, show you why I didn't remove my clothes." He was nervous: with the exception of his parents, the only other person to have seen this was Madam Pomfrey. He began unbuttoning his shirt.
"Sev?" Annie asked nervously, unsure.
"I'm not going to touch you," Severus said darkly. He shucked the shirt from his shoulders, stood, turned so his back was to her..
She gasped. "Oh, Sev," she cried. "What happened?"
He knew what she saw, he'd twisted in the mirror to see it enough times. His back was crossed with scars: thick white weals running in every direction. They continued down over his buttocks and even the upper part of his legs, but Annie didn't need to see that. He remembered the time he'd spent two days in the hospital wing on his belly after the Summer holidays, poultices covering the bleeding welts. By his third year, Madam Pomfrey had called him to see her as a matter of course after each time he returned home, to heal him. "My father was not a nice man," he explained shortly. He shrugged the shirt back on, covering the battlefield of his back. "He was quick with his belt. I can't be a husband, Annie, I can't be a father. I would end up like him."
"You wouldn't, Sev!" she protested.
"I might. I'm not putting myself in a position where I could," he said darkly. "Trust me, Annie, it would be better if I were not involved at all. It would be better if you told me to leave, and never see me again."
"You don't have to be like that, Sev," Annie exclaimed plaintively. "You can turn to God to help you with your anger!"
Severus dropped his head into his hands. Annie really hadn't changed since school. "I do not wish to discuss religion," he mumbled. "I would prefer not to consider religion at all in this. Just tell me, Annie: what is it that you want from me?"
"I want you to marry me," she said boldly.
"That is not an option. What I want to know is if you would prefer me to leave and send you money as I can, or would you like me to have some involvement in the… the child's life?"
She twisted her fingers in her lap. "I want my baby to have a father," she whispered. "I don't want to be a single mother, Sev!"
"I'm sorry, Annie. I'm sorry that I can't marry you; I can't enter into that kind of commitment on a whim, and you should not have to live with a man such as I. You can find much kinder men, a man who will love you and cherish you."
"Not with a baby!" she exclaimed.
He was sure that there were men out there who would take a woman even with a child. "You could tell them that the father of your child had died," he suggested. "That way, there is no slight on your honour."
Annie was already shaking her head, affronted. "That would be a lie!" she protested. "Please, Sev… this baby… it'll be your child! He or she deserves a father!"
He sighed deeply. He stood, pacing over to the window looking down onto the grey, concreted streets, hopeful dandelions pushing their heads through the cracks. "There are things that I must tell you, things that I can only tell you alone, but that you have a right to know," he said.
"Isabel won't tell anyone," Annie promised.
"This is a secret which can only be shared in very specific circumstances," Severus said. "You will understand, later. But once I have told you, you must decide what you want. I can go, and send what money I can; it will be up to you what you tell the child, your acquaintances."
"Please," Annie began to beg.
Severus held up a hand, stopping her. "You can send me away, or I can have some part in this child's life. But it will be on my terms, Annie. I will live separately from you and the child. I will have my own life, and you will have yours. I will visit as we agree, and I will have the final decision in where the child is educated." That way, he mused, he could enroll the child at a foreign school, Beauxbatons or Durmstrang, or if he was wealthy enough, pay for a private tutor, and never have the bastard exposed to the wizarding world at large.
"I… I suppose so," Annie said sadly.
"One more thing… the child will not have my name," he continued. He didn't want that connection.
"But why?" she asked plaintively. "I don't understand. I don't understand why you can't see this as a gift, a gift to us from God-"
His anger was rising again, frustration at her blinkered, one-directional views. "I told you," Severus snapped. "I will have no mention of God. You may baptise the child as you will, take it to church or whatever other bizarre religious rituals you deem necessary, but do not involve me with your deity."
She still looked confused, but fell silent. She nodded glumly. "Okay," she agreed quietly. "I suppose, as long as you promise to visit, to be a father, I can manage on my own…"
The way she put that put Severus' teeth on edge. She was a grown adult! He was managing to live alone perfectly well. "Yes, I imagine you will be fine," he agreed. "Now, will you tell your overbearing friend to leave us alone, or will you come somewhere private with me, so i can give you the information needed?"
Isabel finally agreed to go into her bedroom. She turned on the radio, and in the cover given by the music, Severus hesitantly explained that there was a whole part of the world that she'd never known existed, that the school he and Lily had attended was not for the academically gifted, but the magically gifted, and that the child she carried would be not just a boy or a girl, but a witch or a wizard.
He'd been expecting outright disbelief. He knew he was decidedly stretching the statute of secrecy by telling her, but he thought that the longer she had to get used to the idea, the less opposed she would be, and perhaps, just perhaps, she'd decide it was all too much and agree to take the potion. She didn't though: she took it in her stride, despite the problems he thought it would raise with her religious viewpoint. She didn't even ask for proof, not a single wand-waving exercise. She just nodded serenely when he attempted to impress on her the secrecy of the matter. She only made any show of negative emotion when he reminded her that the safety of the baby in her belly was reliant on the secrecy of the wizarding world. Her blind acceptance didn't sit easily with him, and he couldn't help but wonder if she already knew, somehow, though she insisted that she did not.
It sat in the back of his mind for the next few days as he buried himself in essays on the safety of various potions during pregnancy, and he found himself feeling odd when he observed his first actual birth on the Monday. That tiny, red, squashed little creature- there would really be one that was half him? It made Severus feel very small, and utterly unprepared for this. Why on earth had he said he would help? It was all very well dealing with the things when they were still inside the witches, but what on earth did you do with one afterwards?
He ignored the knock on his door on Tuesday evening. He always ignored the knocks on his door. It was usually only people trying to sell him something, though, of course, it had apparently also been Annie…
Another volley of bangs came, and with them, a voice. "I know you're in there!" a vaguely familiar voice called. "Answer this door right now!"
Severus let his head fall into his book. He'd said he would see Annie on Saturday. Why, then, was Isabel pounding down his door?
"Sev Snape, open this door!" she shouted, banging again. She was going to break his door down if she wasn't careful. With a sigh, he went out into the hall to unlock the door.
"What?" he snapped, opening the door just enough to fit his lanky frame between the wall and the door.
"Finally," she replied, just as sharply. "Honestly, what were you doing to take so long? Hanging in the attic like a bat? No, don't answer that, I don't want to know. We need to talk."
"Do you ever stop to breathe?" he enquired sarcastically.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"No."
"So you want to have this conversation about your private life in the street?" she enquired with barbed honey-sweet tones. "Fine. The bastard results of your dalliance…"
He didn't give her time to finish her sentence, grabbing her wrist with a growl and dragging her into the dark hallway. She looked around, her face turned upwards to view the cobwebs. "Huh. Maybe you really do hang out with the bats in the attic. I've never been in this place before. It's filthy."
He crossed his arms across his chest. "My mother wasn't a housekeeper. What do you want?"
"Fine, fine, we'll do it here," she sighed. "Not like I really needed a cup or tea or a biscuit, anyway." Severus just leaned against the wall and stared her down. "I can't keep her, you know. I love Annie like a baby sister, but I've got my own life, and I can't just be looking after her all the time. She needs to get away from here, get away from her parents and their bloody friends. They wouldn't let her in their church on Sunday, you know?"
"What are you suggesting I do about it?"
"I'm saying you need to step up! Look, I know you don't really know what Annie's like, but she's not really able to look after herself. She works a bit, about ten hours a week, down at the local library- reading stories to the kids, stuff like that. Well, she did work there- they've told her not to come back. She's not really trained for any kind of job, though. She can cook a bit, and she can clean a bit, but she doesn't really have any skills, no money management, nothing. She was trained to be a wife, not a woman, and her morals, well, they're just screwed up. She's been practically brainwashed by her parents. She won't go to the doctor, because she thinks they'll denounce her for being some kind of prostitute…"
Severus interrupted there. "She's had no medical care for the pregnancy?" he asked sharply.
Isabel shook her head. "No. She was hiding her head in the sand for three months, and I tried to make her go, made her an appointment and everything, but she wouldn't go. I can't be responsible for her for the rest of her life, her and a kid! That seems to be your lookout now."
"I didn't ask for this to happen," he spat back at her, annoyed by her insinuation.
"Nor did she," Isabel pointed out evenly. "She knows nothing about sex, that part should have been up to you to take care of protection."
"I did take care of it!" Severus snapped. "I'm not an idiot, I used a condom."
Isabel shrugged. "Unlucky, then," she sympathised. "Still, it's more your problem than mine. She can't live on a sofa, and she's not confident enough to go it alone. Sh needs help. I know you said you wouldn't marry her, but you don't have to be married to live together, you know? Separate bedrooms, whatever, but Annie needs to have someone to look after her."
"I'll consider the problem," Severus said wearily. "And I'll sort out some medical care for her."
"Good," Isabel said briskly. "And Sev… if you're going to have her move in here, for God's sake, get a cleaner or something."
His lip curled in derision. "My thanks for your excellent suggestion," he growled.
She shrugged one shoulder. "Be good to her," was her parting shot. He slammed and locked the door behind her.
Rubbing his temples, he went back to the kitchen table, pushed his books to one side and pulled a fresh piece of parchment towards him. Beginning at the top, he jotted down his training salary and the contents of his meagre savings, and tried to make the sums work.
He was armed with a plan when he next visited Annie on Saturday. "Come on," he told her briskly. "We're going out."
He'd have apparated, but he didn't want to frighten her, so they took the bus, clunking along, two towns over. This was a smaller place, less factories, less shops too, and a forty-minute ride on two different buses to cokeworth. It was also cheaper. Annie kept asking where they were going. He told her to wait and see, staring moodily out of the window.
The flat was tiny: a bedsit rather than a flat, really, with the kitchen and the bedroom and the living room all squashed up together. The agent met them at the door, but quickly backed himself into a corner when Severus glared at his inane chatter. "I… I don't understand?" Annie queried, standing bewildered in the middle of the floor.
"You need somewhere of your own to live," Severus said shortly. " You can't stay on Isabel's sofa forever. I thought perhaps you'd like to be somewhere away from your parents, and this is a nicer town. I will pay."
"But… where will you live?" she asked quietly.
"Don't concern yourself with that," he said shortly. He'd borrowed a motley collection of books on glamours for the home, and taken a week's leave from the hospital- it would be time he wasn't paid for, but only having to attend classes meant that he could use the time to try to make Spinner's End presentable for sale. He'd found a squalid little room for rent in the middle of nowhere, but for a wizard, location didn't mean much. He finished his training in two years, hopefully then, he'd have the money for somewhere better. He didn't want to take Annie too far from her friends, too far for occasional visits, but he also wanted to take her away from Cokeworth, where it seemed her parents would make life difficult for her.
He'd expected her to have concerns, to be worried about moving, or have demands for where she lived, but she was astonishingly sanguine. She accepted his choice without any further questions, and moved in the next week, bringing with her only a few changes of clothes: Severus was shocked to learn that she had left her parents with literally nothing, not a single item besides the clothes on her back. It was lucky that the flat was furnished. Severus was relieved that Isabel had taken it on herself to fund some clothing and toiletries for her friend: Severus' Gringotts account was bare, and his muggle account not much better after paying a deposit and three month's rent in advance. Isabel even stocked the cupboards with some food.
The months passed. Severus visited Annie twice a week, and whilst he could not persuade her to visit a muggle doctor, she took the nutrient potions he gave her without complaint. She even let him examine her, and thought the lights around her belly were pretty. It was the first magic she'd seen performed, but any onlooker might have thought she'd been around it all her life: she didn't react with shock or surprise. By Christmas, he was able to tell her she was having a male child, though he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that is was supposed to be his. He didn't see many prospective fathers, unless there was something very wrong with the pregnancy: he'd sat in on just such a discussion with his supervisor last week, where the child was badly malformed. Annie's child, though… his child, he tried to remind himself, seemed to be developing normally though.
Annie spent Christmas with Isabel's family. Severus spent it working. He got paid time and a half, and he treated himself to a drink… the first he'd had since Annie had told him she was expecting. At the hospital, he'd sat beside an old witch, a hundred and forty-three, and spoken to her as she waited for death, which finally came at ten minutes to five on Christmas day afternoon. He needed the drink after that, he reasoned. He was pleased that he'd chosen midwifery rather than palliative care as a specialism. It wasn't so gut-wrenching.
As January began, Annie began to think of preparations for the baby. Whilst Severus, conscious of the practicalities, wanted her to decide where she intended to have the baby, and where they would get a cot and clothes and all the other paraphernalia, all Annie wanted to discuss was names.
To begin with, he told her that he didn't care, she could call the child whatever she wanted. It was when she told him that she just couldn't decide between Isiah, Noah or Luke that he waded in.
"Just what names have you been considering?" he asked.
"On, the usual ones- Matthew and Mark and Luke and John, but they're so popular. I'd like something a little bit different- I don't want him to have the same name as other children in his class. I like Christopher, but it seems wrong to shorten it to Chris. And Isiah, and Noah, and Elijah…"
"Are any of them not overtly Christian?" he asked with a sigh.
"They're all Biblical," she replied promptly.
"No. No Biblical names," he said sharply. "If this is to be my child also, no Christian names."
She blinked at him in confusion. "But you're named after a saint," she pointed out.
He had been vaguely aware that there was a Saint Severus. "There aren't many names that don't have a bloody saint," he groused. "However, it is not featured in the Bible. How about Caius?" He'd always liked the name Caius: it was the name of Lucius' uncle, who bred abraxans, and had been willing to let Severus ride on them when he'd visited the stud with Lucius.
She wrinkled her nose in distaste. She had the same reaction to Julius, and Maximilian. Frustrated and feeling cruel, he'd suggested Pontius, since she was so keen on Biblical names, and she'd burst into tears. He'd left, slamming the door behind him. She didn't bring it up the next time he visited.
Severus was late the next Saturday morning. He'd been working late, helping to deliver a baby. He was trying to get in as much experience as he could in the next month, resigned to the fact that it would be him delivering Annie's baby, since she still hadn't had any muggle antenatal care. Perhaps it was best, it would be easier to have the baby magically named. He made a mental note to ask Lily to act as Godmother.
"Robin," Annie said, not even turning as Severus let himself in. He peered out of the window she was looking through, kneeling up on the sofa, the swell of her belly resting against the cushions.
"Yes," he agreed. "It is." The little red-breasted bird hopped about on the bird table of the flat downstairs.
"No," she replied. "Not the bird. The baby."
"I don't understand," Severus sighed, sinking onto the sofa next to her.
"We chould call the baby Robin," she explained as if to a child.
Severus tipped his head back against the top of the sofa, closing his eyes. He turned over the name in his head.
"Severus?" Annie asked quietly. She sounded a little afraid.
"Robin is not overly objectionable," he allowed. At least it was a name connected to the natural world, rather than to the false pomp and grovelling of her Christian ideals. Like Lily. And one could not easily name a boy child for a flower without provoking teasing.
"Or maybe we could name him Robert?" she queried.
He didn't like the name Robert. He wasn't sure why, but it made him think of an old man. He'd been cursed with a name not fit for a child; he didn't want to inflict the same on this child. "Robin is better," he murmured. "Not Rob, though, or Robbie, or Bobbie, or any other infernal shortening."
"Well, he might get called Robbie…" she wheedled.
"No. Robin. No child of mine will be be called Robbie." He spat the name in distaste at the vulgarity, the very commonness of it.
She looked a little crestfallen, but still happier than he'd seen her in some time. "What about a middle name?" she asked.
He unfolded himself from the sofa. "I tire of this," he informed her. "Use what you will as a middle name so long as it is not the name of one of our fathers, or Severus." He crossed to the little cluster of kitchen counters in the corner of the room, pulling out the teabags and putting the kettle on. He opened the fridge for milk.
"Annie, your milk is spoiled," he informed her.
"Oh. Is it really?"
Severus sighed. He tipped the slightly lumpy and smelly liquid down the sink, rinsing it away well. He supposed he'd be drinking his tea black, then going out to buy some milk. Perhaps he could persuade Annie to go with him. Perhaps he could finally induce her to go with him to buy some baby clothes. She cut into his thoughts with her next question. "When do you think the baby will come?" she asked.
"In about three weeks," he replied promptly, his attention focused on the kettle. He was keenly aware of the date she was due to have the baby. "Why do you ask?"
"Because my tummy keeps hurting," she replied.
"How long has it been hurting?" Severus asked, turning this information over in his mind. Could she be in labour? Perhaps it was the beginnings of false contractions?
"A few days, on and off," she replied quietly.
Severus frowned deeply. He fished his wand from his pocket. "Turn around, Annie, and let me see what's going on."
Obediently, she maneuvered herself around so she was sitting facing forward, her tummy round before her. He cast a visualisation spell: the baby's head had dropped low into her pelvis. He knelt before her, slipping into the persona he'd been working on developing over the last few months, trying to be caring. "I need to feel your tummy," he said calmly. "Is that okay?" He had touched her as little as possible, trying to maintain a distance so she didn't think there was something between them that wasn't there. She nodded. Carefully, he placed his hands on either side of her swollen abdomen, needing to check just how far down the baby was. "The baby's dropped," he told her. "He's almost ready to be born."
"Now?" she asked, her eyes shining with excitement.
He sighed. "Almost," he said. "Can you go and take off your knickers and climb up on the bed, Annie? I'm afraid I'll have to check you inside to see how soon." He offered her a hand, and she levered herself up. His gaze was distant as he mentally went through what necessary. It was too soon… nothing was ready! He'd bought a moses basket and some blankets from a charity shop, but there was no crib. He hadn't wanted to pick one without Annie, and they were expensive… but they had no clothes for it… for him. For Robin. He crossed to the sink, scrubbing his hands well, then spelling them clean.
Annie was reclining on the bed, looking unsure. He'd never given her an internal examination before, though they were typically conducted a few times during magical antenatal care. "I'm just going to put my fingers in you to see how close you are," he reassured her gently.
"Severus… what's going to happen?" she asked nervously.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Is it… is having the baby going to hurt?" she asked.
He dropped his head forward. "Annie… you do know how a baby is born, don't you?" he asked quietly. He'd not discussed it with her, the actual mechanics of the birth… he hadn't thought he'd have to! But what if she didn't know?
"I know it… it comes from the same place as my monthlies," she murmured. "But… but that seems awfully small. It hurt when… when you…"
She didn't need to complete the sentence: Severus knew. When he fucked her, that was what she was trying to say, but she didn't have the words. "Yes, Annie, it will hurt," he said softly. "It will hurt quite a lot more than it did when we were together. I'm sorry, I thought you knew."
She stared at the ceiling. "In Genesis, God says 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.'"
"I'm going to touch you now, Annie," Severus mumbled, not able to join in her bible study owing to lack of the requisite knowledge. She jumped as he sank his fingers into her with practiced ease. "Sorry," he muttered.
"But John says: 'When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world'," she continued. "So I can bear the pain, because I will have a gift from God to love at the end of my labour."
He didn't bother telling her how far dilated she was; he didn't think she'd understand. "You're probably having this baby today," he informed her. "I'm going to go out for a few minutes: I'm going to ask a friend of mine to buy some clothes for the baby. Would you like me to telephone Isabel and let her know?"
Annie shook her head. "I want it to be a surprise," she said with a smile. Severus raised an eyebrow: he didn't know how a pregnant woman having a baby could ever be a surprise, but he knew enough not to argue with a labouring woman.
"I'll be back soon," he assured her, slipping out of the door and down the stairs, heading for the back alleyway where he could apparate.
Lily's flat was on the second floor. He took the stairs two at a time, pounding on the door. It was answered, not by Lily, but by James Potter. "What are you doing here, Snivellus?" Potter enquired, his tone barbed.
"Don't you have a home to go to, Potter?" he retorted. "I want Lily."
"What right do you think you have to see my fiancee?" James snapped.
"Lay off, James," Lily said softly, ducking under his arm. "What is it, Severus?"
"In private, Lily?" Severus asked deciding it was best to ignore Potter for the moment. Now was not the time for a duel, no matter how much James Potter made his fingers itch to draw his wand.
Potter didn't agree. "You're not spending time alone with her, freak," he muttered.
"James!" Lily snapped. "Be nice. Severus, come in."
Potter glared at Severus as his slipped past the shorter man. Severus had to stop himself giving a sigh: Black was here too, and Lupin. It was like Lily was holding some kind of reunion for the damnable bunch. "Come through to the kitchen, Sev," Lily invited. "We can talk there."
Black jeered, and Potter glared at him. "Come on, Lil," he wheedled. "Send the creep away."
"It's my home, James," Lily said with a smile. "Severus means no harm. C'mon, Sev." She ushered him through the door, shutting it behind them, and warding it for silence.
Morning sunlight streamed in through the east-facing window, the plants on the windowsill drinking it up. "What's the problem?" she asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Severus managed to quirk a little smile at the muggle-ism. "Annie's in labour," he told her. "She… we… oh, I don't know, but there's no clothes for the baby. Please, Lily… I need to go back to her. Can you nip to the shops, grab some stuff? I don't know who else to ask."
She gave a sad smile. "Of course I can. I can't believe you haven't sorted this yet, though. Didn't Annie want to shop for the baby?"
Severus sighed. "She didn't want to do anything about it, actually. We've only just decided on a name- quite literally half an hour ago."
"What name?" Lily enquired.
"Robin. Please, Lily, I need to get back to her."
"Of course you do," Lily replied. She pulled a magnetic notepad off the fridge and picked up a muggle pen. "Now, what do you need?"
"I don't know. A couple of baby grows. Some vests. A couple of hats. Nappies. Oh, Merlin, nappies… I've got a moses basket. I'll pay you back, but can you make it cheap? Charity shops, or something?"
She scribbled, her auburn hair falling around her face. Severus felt the same painful jerk in his heart, the same awful lurch as whenever he saw Lily like this, concentrating. Why… why did she have to pick stupid, arrogant James Potter? And why was he in this awful mess with Annie? It should be him, Severus and Lily… "Anything else?" she asked, distacting him. "D'you want me to get some baby milk?"
He shook himself out of his moment of wallowing. "Erm, yeah, please, just in case. I think the kid's pretty small, and it's almost three weeks early, so newborn size stuff would be best."
She rewarded him with a smile, then, impulsively, a hug. He held his breath, not really sure what to do. After a second, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her rounded, beautiful body to his, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. "Congratulations, Severus," she whispered. She pulled back, looking up at him. "Now," she said with mock seriousness, "Go back to Annie."
"Thank you, Lily," Severus replied seriously. "And… if it wouldn't be too much trouble, some milk? Annie's not brilliant at keeping the fridge stocked."
"I'll sort it," Lily promised. "Don't worry, Auntie Lily has it sorted."
He couldn't help a smile at that. He looked down at the floor, remembering the other favour he'd wanted to ask. "Lily… would you be his Godmother?" he asked huskily.
Her eyes crinkled in a smile. "I'd be honoured, Severus," she said. "As long as Annie's okay with that? She might want to pick Godparents. Won't she want a Christian baptism?"
Severus shrugged. "She can have one," he said. "The kid needs a magical Godparent, though. The naming's usually done just after the birth, so everything gets registered with the ministry."
"You'll have to tell me what to do," she said. "But of course I will. Now, go, for goodness sake!"
Impulsively, Severus bent to brush a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you, Lily," he repeated.
James Potter looked like he was about to have an aneurysm by the time Severus left the kitchen, and Black was still childishly giggling away to himself. Only Lupin looked like an adult, quietly sitting in the corner with a cup of tea. He nodded in greeting to Severus as he passed.
He had one more place to go: he apparated directly to his own little room. At least he'd had the foresight to start stashing supplies: he'd brewed up a batch of relaxant potions usually used during births to make it easier on the mother, a selection of pain potions for after the labour, even cleansing potions for the baby. He'd quietly acquired a birthing stool too, shrinking it down to get it out of the hospital without questions being asked. He bundled the lot into the bag, along with a clean set of healer's robes and quickly tied his hair back with practiced motions. He didn't like how he looked with his hair restrained: it emphasised the angularity of his face, but it was a requirement at St. Mungo's. He dragged the moses basket and the shrunken stand from his wardrobe, where it had sat incongruously for the last month, and apparated away.
He was out of breath by the time he'd carted the lot up Annie's stairs. He fished his key from his pocket and let himself in.
She'd changed into her nightie. Severus felt almost as if he should avert his eyes. He cursed himself for his stupidity. He'd be seeing a lot more of her soon enough. The potions bottles clinked delicately as he set them on the floor. "Lily Evans is fetching some things for the baby," he said matter-of factly. He began setting up the moses basket, his back to her. "I've asked her to be the baby's Godparent."
"I wanted Isabel to be Godmother," Annie said quietly.
"That's fine," Severus said. "A magical Godparent is different, the baby can have both." He carefully tucked the blanket over the moses basket, pretending it was one of the cribs at St. Mungo's, that he was at work, that he'd be under the supervision of one of the healers, that he wasn't doing this alone… he was frightened. What if something went wrong? He should have made Annie go to a muggle doctor, made her have the baby in a hospital…
Annie moaned a little. Severus had to squash his own fear. "A contraction?" he asked quietly, coming over to the bed.
"I don't know," she whispered. "It hurts…"
"I know," he said. "Lie back for me, Annie… let me see how you're doing." He piled pillows behind her so she could recline back.
His training took over. He'd been assisting at a lot of births over the last six months, not all straightforward, and Annie's did seem to be, at the very least, very straightforward. He gave her a mild pain relief potion and persuaded her to take a warm bath, charming sheets and pillows to be waterproof as she relaxed, panting through contractions occasionally. He warmed a nightdress for her when she got out.
Lily arrived with two bulging bags of baby clothes, a shopping bag and a pot of homemade soup balanced precariously in her arms. Annie was delighted to see her: Severus had had no idea that Lily had been visiting Annie every week too. "From mum," she said, depositing the soup on the kitchen counter. "I've charmed it to stay warm, and she's busy cooking up some other stuff for Annie."
"Lily, I said a few clothes!" Severus protested as she began unpacking the bags onto the sofa. At least she'd brought milk for tea. He was desperate for a cup of tea.
"Hush," she commanded. "Presents from Auntie Lily. It's my right. I got three sizes, so he can grow into things. I couldn't resist." She held up a little baby t-shirt emblazoned with an embroidered robin.
Severus buried his head in his hands as Lily distracted Annie with the clothes, carefully charming each item clean and folding it up. Soon enough, though, she too was gone, leaving when Annie was in too much pain to be so easily distracted, and Severus was left alone with Annie again. He was pleased he'd had the foresight to ward the flat for silence when Annie first moved in, or her neighbours would be worried as she sobbed. She called out for her mother, and Severus wondered if he should, perhaps, have visited the Brandon house again. Her mother may have been a comfort to her.
His knees were aching from kneeling on the floor, and Annie was crying from exhaustion by the time Robin was born into Severus' waiting hands, tiny and red and still encased in his caul, which superstition claimed was a sign of a powerful wizard. Carefully, Severus ripped the sac open, rubbing the little creature until he mewled. Ten fingers, ten toes, no obvious malformations, and, just as Severus had predicted, a boy child. Carefully, he swaddled the baby and laid him in Annie's arms to distract her as he awaited the arrival of the afterbirth.
Two hours later, with baby Robin Christopher (Severus had been far too tired to argue the middle name) named, clean, dressed and asleep in his basket, Severus Snape fell asleep beside Annie Brandon for the first time, too exhausted to return home.
He didn't sleep for long, though. He woke suddenly in the darkness. Annie still slept soundly beside him, and for a few minutes, he did not know what had woken him. Why was he here, in his clothes, in Annie's bed? Then, an odd snuffling met his ears, and he remembered. Carefully, he climbed over Annie's sleeping form and crossed to the little basket, looking down at its occupant. The tiny baby blinked up at him.
Carefully, he picked up the swaddled form. "What is it?" he muttered. He wasn't much good with the babies. He'd dealt with the sick ones, but not for long, only until there was a paediatric specialist. This little one was tiny, but healthy. He opened his mouth, closed it again. "Hungry, is it?" he guessed.
He looked over to Annie. He didn't want to wake her. Lily had brought some muggle baby formula and some bottles. He set the infant back into his crib, surprised when the little boy gave a thin cry. "Alright, then," Severus said softly, picking him up again. "I suppose I shall just have to do this one handed."
Half of the milk may have ended up on the counter instead of in the bottle, but Severus was grateful that he could heat the contents of the bottle to just the right temperature with a charm instead of waiting for a pan of water. He carried his burden over to the sofa, sitting in the shaft of moonlight to inspect the creature as he took the bottle eagerly.
It was odd: Severus had bathed him, but hadn't really looked at him. He had a few little strands of dark hair lying glossily against his head, but it wasn't the hair that surprised him. It was the eyes. Babies were usually born with blue eyes, but not this one. His eyes were as dark as Severus' own, black as obsidian in the moonlight. The baby blinked up at him, gaze fixed on his face even as he drank the milk Severus held. "Hello, little Robin," Severus said quietly. "I suppose I can't doubt your patrilineage, not with those eyes. I hope you keep your little button nose and plump cheeks; you don't want my face."
Still, the child just stared up at him, barely blinking. He wasn't afraid. He didn't think that Severus was a freak, he wouldn't call him names or sneer at him. "I'll try to do a better job than my father did," he promised Robin. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry that this isn't the best situation to be born into, but I will try. I'll teach you, and protect you, and love you. I promise I'll try."
Robin's eyes began to close, his stomach full. He fell asleep over Severus' shoulder, and Severus sat there until morning, dozing and holding the child. His son.