"There are no signs of life Miss Stark. He has passed."
He has passed.
"NO!"
The floodgates opened and the scream ripped out of me. I ripped my helmet from my head and tossed it aside.
"No! No! No!" I couldn't think of anything else to say. No. It had to be a mistake.
I leant over his body and placed my head on his chest, as I had done so many nights when we were watching TV on the couch. Hearing the steady beat of his heat had often lulled me into sleep. This time, there was nothing. No heartbeat, no rise and fall of his chest.
"Nonononono…" My tears flowed freely, quickly making the front of his shirt wet. "Please God no!"
I lifted him so his head was in my lap. I sat there, stroking his hair and watching my tears dripping down onto his face. His blue eyes were open, staring up at me but not seeing. "Daniel!" I screamed. "please…."
This wasn't reality. This wasn't happening. I half expected Daniel to suddenly blink, smile and wipe my tears away. He couldn't be gone.
There had be some way to stop this. We just learnt that aliens were real. Surely that meant time travel was possible, right? There had to be a way to go back in time, to stop this from happening. I had to stop this from happening. Because if this was real life, I would never be able to forgive myself for flying around the city while my fiancé was dying below.
If I had only taken his calls earlier. Stopped him from getting on the plane. Realised that he was here and found a safe place for him to hide. His death was my fault. And I would have to live with that guilt forever.
Jarvis must have told dad something was wrong because suddenly there he was. He landed behind us and took in the scene. His daughter, cradling her dead fiancé as she bellowed and pleaded for him to come back. I'm sure behind his helmet he was crying tears of his own.
"Morgan, we have to go," he said as he knelt down beside me. As I looked up I realised I was no longer alone in the street. People had started to exit from the buildings. Many of them had stopped to watch, expressions of sorrow on their faces.
"I'm not leaving him alone," I croaked.
"I'll stay with him. I'll take care of him," he promised.
After a moment, I nodded. All of the adrenaline from the battle had left my body, being replaced with grief and exhaustion. I wanted to collapse right there on the street and sleep for a thousand years. And maybe never wake up.
I bent down and kissed his lips. They were already cold. "I love you," I whispered to him.
Slowly, I stood up. Dad placed my helmet back on and instructed Jarvis to fly me back to Stark Tower. My suit took off, on auto-pilot, taking me back to the tower. I had a birds eye view of all of the damage the battle had caused but I suddenly didn't care about it anymore. I was numb. Nothing mattered. The suit landed me on the platform outside of the penthouse and a machine immediately rose from it and began disassembling my suit. I took slow, small steps inside. I didn't know what to do with myself. What are you suppose to do after the love of your life dies?
The rest of the Avengers must have already captured Loki and taken him away because the only person left in the room was Natasha. Dad had obviously already relayed to her what had happened as she enveloped me in a hug and said she was so sorry for my loss. I was glad she was the only one here. I would have hated to see the looks of pity and sadness on everyone's faces as they tried to comfort the girl who had just lost her fiancé.
The penthouse was a mess. There was the dent in the floor left from Hulk throwing Loki around, some glass and blood on the ground, and two of the floor to ceiling glass windows were gone. I briefly thought about hurling myself through one of the windows. Even if I really wanted to go through with it, I barely had to energy to even walk to the window. Was that why Natasha was still here? Was dad afraid for me to be alone? If anyone understood what I was going through right now, it was him. He had told me after mum died, I was the only reason he tried to continue on with his life.
I didn't have a daughter or a son to live for. My great life plan disappeared the moment Daniel took his last breath. No marriage, no kids, no growing old together.
"You need some rest," Natasha said. She guided me into one of the bedrooms and helped me slip out of my catsuit into some pyjamas. "If you need anything, I'll be right outside."
I just nodded to her as I crawled into the bed. She left the room but made sure to keep the door ajar.
I was exhausted but sleep evaded me. I laid on my back, starring at the ceiling, feeling the tears steadily sliding down my face. How could this be happening to me? How could I have lost 2 important people in my life in the same day?
I had thought it couldn't get any worse when Coulson had died. The universe had proved me wrong. Hadn't I suffered enough? Hadn't I already lost enough people in my life? If there was a God, he was a cruel bastard for making my life turn out this way.
The same thought kept running through my mind. How did this happen? So many different circumstances had let to this outcome and it killed me to know if one little thing had changed, Daniel could still be with me. If Loki had chosen a different city for the battle, he would still be here. If the hospital hadn't let him go to the conference, he would still be here. If I had just answered his calls instead of ignoring them, he would still be here.
That last one haunted me. I played a part in his death, because if I had just spoken to him, I would have told him not to go to New York. He wasn't even supposed to be there. My mind began imagining him still safe and sound back in California. I would get home and he would greet me at the door with a kiss.
My imaginary scene was interrupted when dad arrived back at the tower. I heard just hear him talking with Natasha through the slightly open door. I heard the word morgue.
Now all I could imagine was my beautiful, smart, kind, loving partner alone in a morgue somewhere, cold and blue, lying in a draw. His life had barely begun. There was so much more he wanted to do, to accomplish. Now he would never get the chance. It just wasn't fair.
I heard dad approaching the room so I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. The door creaked slightly as he stuck his head in the room. I could feel his eyes linger on me for a moment before he left. Again, the door was left ajar.
After what felt like hours, sleep finally came. The dream started out horrible; I was reliving the battle that had just taken place. The sounds of people screaming echoed through my head. But they faded away as the battle was won and as I flew back to Stark Tower, there was Daniel waiting for me. He got down on one knee and presented the engagement ring he had designed for me. Suddenly we were back home in California, in our house. We were lying on the couch together, eating pizza and flipping through the channels as we decided what to watch. It was perfect.
The next few days were a blur and some of the worst days of my life. I called Daniel's father and managed to tell him through my tears what had happened. Dad had volunteered to call him but I knew I had to be the one to do it. It was horrible listening to a father cry as he realized he'd lost his only son. We only spoke for a few minutes as he then had to call his daughter and let her know that her big brother was gone.
I wasn't ready to go home to California yet so dad and I stayed at Stark Tower. On the days that I managed to get out of bed, dad and Pepper (who had arrived the day after the battle) did their best to distract me. But I spent most of my time in bed, hoping to fall back asleep so I could go back to the land where Daniel was still alive.
The Tesseract and the sceptre had been taken into S.H.I.E.L.D custody. Right now I couldn't care less what they were going to do with it. It didn't matter. After some debate with S.H.I.E.L.D, Thor had been able to take Loki back to Asgard to be punished. There would be no jail cell on Earth capable of holding Loki.
The city of New York had already begun the long process of repairing the damage done to the city. But nothing could repair the damage done to the people who had lost someone. The Battle of New York, as people were calling it, was all anyone across the world was talking about. And I had unknowingly become the face of it. 2 days after the battle I had walked into the kitchen to hear Dad and Pepper arguing about whether to tell me something. They had jumped out of their skins when I had walked in and asked them what they were talking about. Dad then reluctantly handed over the New York Times newspaper.
I was on the front page. Someone had taken a picture of me on the street while I had been cradling Daniel's body. My suit helmet was at my feet while Daniel was in my lap. My face was scrunched up in despair while tears flowed down my cheeks. The headline simply stated "Death toll climbs after Battle of New York."
At first, I didn't know how to deal with it. Someone had captured the moment I found out my partner was dead and sold it to magazines and newspapers across the country. The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Times magazine, every major newspaper and magazine across the US had this picture as their frontpage. When I went online I found it was everywhere. People were posting it, sharing it. And when I read the comments I finally understood why.
People were grieving with me. Everyone who had lost someone in the battle could understand exactly what I was feeling in that picture. Anyone who had ever lost anyone in a tragic circumstance could. So many people were writing condolence messages, along with thank you messages. I had helped saved the city but I had lost someone in the battle. While it was hard for me to look at the picture, I think everyone else needed to see it.
Not only was I, and everyone else, dealing with the fallout of the battle, we were all trying to come to grips with the fact that our world had changed forever. Our world had been invaded by aliens. Actual 'from outer space, seen only before in the movies and tv shows' aliens. While I and so many others had believed we couldn't be alone in the universe, believing it, knowing it and seeing it were very different things. How many alien species were out there? Hundreds? Thousands? Some of them may be nice but as we had clearly seen, some of them were not. What was to stop another alien species from trying to invade Earth one day? We were incredibly vulnerable and now we knew it.
I had so much going on in my mind but the person I needed to talk to about it all was gone. I needed my best friend to help me get through the death of my mentor, Coulson. I needed my best friend to help me come to terms with the fact that we are not alone in the universe. I needed my best friend to help me get through the death of my best friend. I still couldn't believe he wasn't here anymore.
A week after the battle, I decided it was time to go back to California. I couldn't yet bring myself to go back to the home I shared with Daniel, so I returned to the mansion with Dad and Pepper. I could tell dad like having me home again, just not under these circumstances.
Soon came the day I had been dreading; Daniel's funeral. As I stood in my childhood bedroom, staring at my black dress in the mirror, I couldn't believe this was happening. I wasn't even in my 20's yet I had already met and lost the love of my life. Not to mention I'd lost my mother, a mentor and almost lost my father on multiple occasions. I don't know how much more loss I could take. I was sad but more than that I was pissed off.
There was a knock on my door and a moment later dad entered. I hurriedly wiped away the tear from cheek before turning around to him. He was dressed in a black suit and tie.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"I'll be okay." I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want to breakdown in front of him and tell him how much I was hurting.
"Here, I wanted to give you this." He walked over and pulled something out of his pocket. "They found it in Daniel's jacket."
In my hand he placed a smell red jewellery box. I couldn't stop the small sob that escaped from my throat when I saw it. Nestled inside the box was the engagement ring Daniel had been so excited to give me when I returned back home. It was now just a giant reminder of everything I would never have.
"We'll be downstairs when you're ready," he said before leaving.
I sat on the end of my bed and opened the box. The ring was beautiful; white gold with one large round diamond and smaller ones surrounding it. I thought the first time I would see this ring in person was when Daniel would be slipping it onto my finger. I gently lifted the ring from the box with shaking fingers. I held it in my hands and started at it for minutes. I just couldn't bring myself to put it on my finger. It would feel wrong to wear it on my finger. It would be a slap in the face, a constant reminder of what could have been, what will never be. If I put it on my finger now, one day I would have to take it off. I just couldn't do it.
After what felt like hours but was only minutes, I rose from my bed and found a silver chain in my jewellery box. I slipped the ring onto the chain and secured it around my neck. The ring rested on the centre of my chest, right near my heart.
The drive to the cemetery was silent. No one really knew what to say. As I walked across the grass and saw Daniel's coffin for the first time, I felt my knees weaken and my step wobble slightly. Dad suddenly gripped my hand to help me balance and led me to a seat in the first row. A large flower bouquet was resting atop the coffin and a photo of Daniel had been blown up and framed. I stared at his face, his kind smile and amazing blue eyes. I couldn't believe that man was now in the coffin in front of me.
Other people starting arriving at the cemetery. Daniel's father and sister sat by me in the front row, as well as Dad, Pepper, Happy and Rhodey. Numerous doctors and nurses from his hospital showed up, as well as patients he had helped save over the years. There were not enough seats, and as more and more people arrived, it reminded me of how amazing and wonderful a man Daniel had been. How many lives he had touched. Just as the priest began the ceremony, I glanced over my shoulder and saw a row of people standing off to the side. They had all come; Natasha, Bruce, Steve, Barton, even Fury and Agent Hill. Thor was already back on Asgard with Loki, otherwise I knew he would have been standing alongside them too.
My vision was blurred with tears for all of the funeral. Daniel's father and sister stood to say a few words about him. I know I should have said something but I also knew I would not even be able to get one word out without collapsing into a puddle of tears. Not speaking at his funeral is something I might regret in years to come. But I just couldn't do it.
One by one some of Daniel's closest friends and family placed a white rose on his coffin. When it came to my turn, Dad kept a firm hand on my arm as he led me to the coffin, afraid that I would collapse. I placed a single red rose on top of the pile of white roses.
"Goodbye my love."
People soon began leaving. I knew there was a wake being held somewhere but I wouldn't go. I couldn't stand around for a few hours while people gave me their condolences.
After a while Dad and I were the only people left. Pepper and Happy were in the car waiting for us.
"It's time to go."
"You go. I need some time alone." I could see in his eyes that dad was nervous about leaving me by myself. He had been trying to watch me 24/7 for the past few days, but he realized he couldn't do that forever.
After a moment he nodded. "I'll see you at home."
I sat in the cemetery for a few hours. Before leaving, I went to visit my mother's grave. It had been a while since I had visited her. A fresh bouquet of flowers was sitting in front of her headstone so I knew dad had also visited before leaving.
I don't know if I believe in heaven or not. It would be nice to believe that Daniel is with her now. I guess that was why people believed in heaven and hell, to give them some sort of peace over something they had no control over. To believe that some part of them were still here, looking over us.
I made my way out of the cemetery and hailed down a cab. As the driver asked for a destination, I hesitated. Dad had said he'll see me at home. Right now I didn't know where home was. I had yet to go back to the home I had shared with Daniel. To be there and know he wasn't ever going to walk through the door again was too much to bear. But I had to go back sometime.
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