Kara woke alone a few hours later and immediately began to panic. She couldn't have explained why if she tried, but there she was, arm feeling fine but her heart and thoughts racing.
Was it a dream? Did Lena actually bring her to the hospital or—?
"Ah. Miss Danvers. Awake at last," Madam Pomfrey announced, almost as soon as Kara opened her eyes. "You sure are quite lucky Miss Luthor knows her stuff. She's quite good with magic, I hear, and it was made very clear by Madam Hooch that she saved your life today. I didn't realize it had been a near-death experience until she told me how that girl stopped you from falling head-first onto the Quidditch pitch. Dangerous sport, it is. Nonsense, really. No student should be allowed to get up on a broom and risk their life over a ridiculous game."
Kara's attention faded after 'Quidditch pitch.' It was real. Lena had brought her to the hospital wing. And she'd been the one to cast the spell to save her from falling? Kara was sure it had to have been a professor. But no. Lena. Lena saved her life.
This, of course, did nothing to help Kara's feelings subside. Then again, she reasoned, Lena was simply doing the right thing. No one wants to see someone die on the Quidditch pitch. After all, she didn't stay in the hospital wing. When had she left? Kara could hardly remember anything except the spell Madam Pomfrey had used to put her bones back together and the excruciating pain it had intensified. Despite her intense desire to remember Lena being there, all she could see was Lena being beside the bed, talking to Madam Pomfrey. But what had they been saying? As hard as she tried, Kara couldn't recall the words. All she knew was that Lena was gone now, and that she was alone. Even her teammates weren't there visiting her.
Well, that's lame, she thought. I won them the match. The least they could do was bring me some chocolate frogs. I'm fucking starving.
"Can I go eat?" Kara asked suddenly, ignoring Madam Pomfrey's monologue.
"I think you should—"
"I'm really hungry," Kara pressed. "I feel like I've been sleeping for a year."
"Miss Danvers, I really think that you should wait for Miss—"
But Kara wasn't listening. She sat up slowly, to make sure she didn't make herself dizzy, and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Grabbing her glasses off the table beside the bed, Kara put them on and started to stand up.
Then, a voice called out, "Whoa! Where are you going?"
It was Lena.
Heart leaping, Kara stared as the girl entered the wing and walked towards her with a tray in her hands. As she got closer, she noticed what was on it: a steaming plate of food, straight from the Great Hall. It must've been time for dinner.
"Lena—" Kara started, stumbling back slightly from the surprise of seeing her after resigning herself to the fact that Lena had left her in the wing by herself.
"Miss Danvers thinks she's leaving," Madam Pomfrey announced, turning to Lena.
"Don't be ridiculous, Kara," Lena said shortly. "You'll do no such thing until you've eaten. Back in bed with you."
"But I'm—" Kara tried, before getting cut off by Lena's next orders.
"Sit up, though, so you can hold the tray. And be careful; it's hot."
"Lena—"
"Shh," Lena hushed her. "Eat."
With that, Kara reluctantly swung her legs back onto the bed and relaxed against the pillows that were propping her up from behind. The brunette gracefully set the tray down on Kara's lap and sat down on the bed beside her, pressing the silver utensils into her hand.
"Eat," she repeated, when Kara simply stared down at the food, amazed by Lena's kindness. When Kara finally lifted the fork and moved it rapidly towards her mouth, Lena barked, "Blow on it, you ridiculous dork! I said it's hot!"
Kara blushed, realizing that what Lena had just said was entirely true. Pausing to slow herself down – she was starving – Kara blew on the contents of the fork before putting it in her mouth.
"Good," the Slytherin praised her, offering a slight smile of encouragement as her tone of voice softened.
It was so incredibly wonderful to hear Lena speak to her with gentleness that Kara almost felt herself melting on the bed. In fact, she nearly dropped her fork as her gaze caught Lena's and she began to stare, her mouth watering for a very different reason.
"Kara. Eat," Lena urged her. "Please. You haven't had anything all day. Madam Pomfrey said you didn't go to breakfast and slept through lunch."
Lena was right, and her words made Kara's stomach growl loudly, making her blush further as she took a few more quiet bites of food, being careful not to spill any on herself.
"Lena," she finally whispered, daring to look up from her tray once again, after taking a long drink of water. "Thank you."
Voice dropping low and becoming so soft that Kara almost couldn't hear her, Lena said, "Please, don't do that."
Tilting her head in confusion, Kara asked, "Do what?"
"Don't thank me. I just didn't want you to starve."
"Or die, apparently," Kara pointed out, making it Lena's turn to blush.
"I-I just…"
Kara waited for the rest of the sentence, but it didn't come, so she went quiet and finished off the last few bites of her meal without speaking.
Finally, when Lena saw her finish everything on her plate, the Slytherin said impulsively, under her breath, "I could never let you die."
Not knowing how to respond and instead feeling an intense wave of surprise as Lena made her confession, Kara pondered just how sweet Lena's words truly were. Then again…
"You wouldn't let anyone die," Kara told her dismissively. "Anyway, how'd you even do that spell so fast? It was, like, seconds before I was going to hit the ground."
Lena sighed, both hating and loving the fact that Kara had essentially ignored and brushed off her vulnerable admission, before replying, "I've always been good at spells. I learn quickly and it doesn't take me long."
Kara knew this wasn't Lena bragging; it was just a statement of fact, so she remained quiet as Lena opened her mouth to explain further.
"Well… Okay. Maybe not," Lena began to confess, revising her previous statement. "I guess when I saw that bludger hit you… everything just stopped. The world ceased to move and all I could see was you sliding off that broom. As soon as you let go, I just… reacted on instinct. Nothing else mattered in that moment but keeping you safe." As soon as she'd said it, Lena immediately reddened in the face and hated the rawness and vulnerability of her words, so she corrected herself again, adding, "You've always been nice to me. I wouldn't want you to get hurt… or worse. You probably would have died if you'd hit the ground, and no one deserves to go out that way."
Kara stared, and her mouth likely would've fallen open, had she not been forcibly clenching her jaw. Her emotions had just skyrocketed and crashed hard, just the way she'd maneuvered her broom during the match. Heart throbbing more than her arm ever had, Kara's eyes fell to Lena's lips, and she felt herself wishing nothing more than to kiss them. She couldn't stand the feeling, so she tore her eyes away almost immediately and swallowed everything about to come up like vomit. Every emotion, every desire, every feeling of longing, every smile, every move she could have made.
It's not like that, she told herself, continuing to clench her jaw so much that it was starting to hurt, this time to distract herself from crying. Then, in her head, she forced her mind to say, It'll never be like that. We're not even friends. She's kind. That's it. That's all there is to it. Say thank you and shut the fuck up.
But Kara couldn't say it, for fear that if she unclenched her jaw, her mouth would open and betray her with words she refused to and couldn't say. Shouldn't say. Wouldn't say.
So she stayed quiet, and Lena's brow furrowed in response to her silence.
Pushing her knife and fork around her plate, making a sudden, obnoxious screeching noise to distract herself, Kara stared at the tray, her eyes glazing over as she faded into a different reality. One where she and Lena had never met. One where she didn't feel this way. One where she could breathe again. One where she didn't have to feel the burn of longing with no hope of resolution. One that was safe.
This lasted a while before Lena could stand the silence no more and said, "Would you like me to leave? You should probably rest some more."
Not knowing what to say, Kara bit her lip and found herself unable to look up to meet the Slytherin's gaze. Maybe Lena should've just let her fall. Darkness would be better than this. A very different kind of pain. Something she wanted to reject wholeheartedly, but couldn't. Maybe she could ask Madam Pomfrey for a potion just to make her sleep forever. Then, Lena wouldn't have to feel bad for letting her die, and she could regain control over her life and maybe even stop the pain. But Kara knew that even if the nurse gave her a potion like that – which she wouldn't, of course – she'd just dream of Lena for the rest of her life, locked in a fantasy she could never have. But was that better? In her dreams, she could pretend.
But Kara didn't want to pretend. And she didn't really want to die or sleep forever. She just wanted this longing – this intense pain – to stop. For the vice around her heart to stop squeezing every breath from her.
Then, after taking quite some time to ponder all this, she remembered that Lena had asked her a question. What had she even said? Kara couldn't remember.
"Huh?" she asked, looking at Lena with a blank expression and feeling embarrassed for not really hearing her.
"I asked if you'd like me to leave," Lena said simply, her face suddenly void of the emotion it had been displaying when she'd asked the question the first time.
Lena didn't want to go. Didn't want to leave Kara alone. Where were her teammates anyway? Lena wondered. Some friends. But she also didn't want to sit here in silence with Kara ignoring her, giving the impression that she'd rather be alone. Lena didn't want to fight for Kara's attention or force her into tolerating her presence. And she still didn't know what had really caused Kara to have the reaction she did the night she'd stolen her scarf.
I should've just let her have it, Lena thought, intensely regretting the way the evening had gone and the fact that she still wasn't sure what Kara was really reacting to. Then, she started to wonder, Maybe if I wasn't such a jerk…
"You can do what you'd like," Kara finally answered, forcing herself to sound nonchalant and apathetic.
This hurt, though. She doesn't care, Lena thought. I should just leave her alone. I'm being pathetic.
Clearing her throat to eliminate the possibility of her voice cracking and betraying that she was on the verge of tears, Lena said simply, "I guess I should let you rest. Thank you for the flowers this morning."
Kara's face drained of color. How did she know? Who told her? Ugh. Madam Pomfrey. Huge mouth, that one, Kara thought.
"Don't mention it," Kara said dismissively, not addressing the fact that Lena was electing to leave as she watched the brunette stand up.
They were too close anyway. Kara couldn't stand it. She was sure that if Lena stayed, she would touch her, and she knew that would burn, so she found herself grateful for her ability to become somewhat callous and stoic enough to let her go. Saves me the shame of crying in front of her, Kara reasoned.
She continued to watch as Lena said nothing and walked away.
As soon as Lena heard the doors close behind her, she covered her mouth to stifle a sob. She'd never had a friend. Never had anyone to be as kind to her as Kara had. But that was just who Kara was. Lena couldn't picture her being unkind to anyone, even a Slytherin. She'd even offered the sweater off her back. Carried her all the way to the hospital wing. Given her flowers.
But all for nothing. She wanted her to leave. So Lena did. She left Kara there, like everyone else in her own life had left her. Feeling her chest heave a few times, nearly letting out the sob she was fighting so hard to silence, Lena waited a few moments and tried to breathe as she tried to think of anything – anything – other than Kara. To absolutely no avail.
So she made her way back to the Slytherin common room, having won the battle with her tears – without spilling a single one – and found herself beyond grateful that she was able to stifle any emotion she was feeling enough that no one would notice. Still, she hid herself in a chair in the corner and continued to fight off thoughts of the girl she'd so nearly considered her only friend.
Back in the hospital wing, Kara, of course, was nearly in tears as well.
It didn't help when Madam Pomfrey approached her bed, shaking her head with obvious disappointment and informing her, "Miss Danvers, that girl held your hand through your healing spell and for two and a half hours after, only leaving to make sure you were fed. And you just let her walk away. It's really a shame that you would reject someone who saved your life and refused to leave your side for anything other than to care for you."
Kara's mouth dropped open as her jaw finally unclenched from shock. She held my hand? Kara thought, not believing what she'd heard. For two and a half hours?
Then, the blonde had the sudden realization that Lena had even attended her very first Quidditch match in all her seven years of school. Before Kara allowed the question of 'why' to take space in her mind, the incredible, overwhelming explosion of guilt ripped through her like a crushing tidal wave, and she began to sob.
What the fuck have I done?
She consoled herself with one thought only, forcing down any others that threatened to bleed into her consciousness and reignite her emotions: She's a good person. She was just being nice. That's it. Nothing more.
Locking away the other possibility – that Lena liked her too – in a deep, steel box, far away from her heart, Kara forced herself to stop crying and allowed herself to sleep.
Author's note: Yes, yes, I know. Angsty and sad :P Don't hate me! Stay tuned for next week's chapter to see how this plays out... and thanks for reading! Feel free to review or hit me up on Tumblr (handle: echelonwarfare).