STARS

A screech woke me up. I opened my eyes and immediately checked my clock merely out of habit. It was 3:37 AM. I tried to shake off the drowsiness of my sleep and listen to what was going on in the other room.

"You're an irresponsible little brat!"

My father.

"I had to get out of this house! For a couple of hours at least."

My younger sister Anna.

"Anna, dear, you could've told us," so my mom was there too. My whole family was having an argument and I was asleep?

"Why?!" yelled my sister. "Elsa doesn't have to tell you when she goes anywhere!"

"That's because I trust your sister! She's mature and smart! I know she won't be fooling around with commoners!"

Anna forced a laugh.

"Commoners? Since when did you became royalty, father? And I don't want to be a perfect robot princess like Elsa! I wanna live my life and be happy!"

"You are unworthy of carrying our name!"

"I don't give a fuck about this name!"

A loud slap filled our entire second floor. I closed my eyes tightly to stop my body from running straight to them and use some of my-black-belt-martial-arts in my own father.

Anna escaped again?

I listened carefully. I wanted to help my sister, but I knew my father wouldn't like me to interfere and to be true the last thing I wanted was to bother him.

" Are you seeing that bartender again?"

"Kristoff is a good guy!"

"He's working-class! He isn't worthy of one of my daughters, even if it's you, disgrace of this family!"

"Agnarr!"

My mom loved us, but she just wouldn't lift a finger against my father, not even for us.

"He loves me for being myself! He doesn't care about your money! He doesn't give a shit about your fucking name! For him, I'm just Anna!"

"Even if neither of us like it, you are an Arendelle and you'll behave like one! You'll stop seeing that bartender even if I have to lock you up in this house. And you'll fix your relationship with the son the Souths."

"No! You can't force me to marry Hans. He is a narcissist and a self-centered ass and he only wants your money! I hate your money, father!"

"Will you hate my money when you're living with your boyfriend without two pennies to rub together?"

"No, I won't even think about it. Because I'll have love and happiness! Look at you! You're crazily rich but you hate your daughters and your wife and they hate you! You think I want this? I love Kristoff and I'll fight for him."

"Let's see if he fights for you when I offer to pay his University."

"He will! Because he loves me and, yes, he needs money, but he works hard and I will work hard and we'll have the best life!"

"He could work the rest of his life and still won't ever give you what I've given you. What Hans South will give you!"

"He will work for it! And he'll get it because he's twice the man you and Hans make together!"

"AGNARR, DON'T!"

Before my mom could even finished her begging, the loudest blow reverberated through out house. Probably even the servants had woken up in the first floor.

I opened my door quickly and ran to my sister's room.

My family was there, it was quite a horrible view —Anna sobbed in my mom's chest in the floor and my father was standing in the middle of the room, imposing and frightening even in his silky black pajamas.

He saw me and walked straight to me. I froze in the door and waited for whatever he was going to do or say.

He only kissed my forehead.

"Go back to sleep, my perfect doll, nothing important happened here and you have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Was this necessary, Agnarr? How could you hit her?!"

He glared back at Anna and my mom. He looked still mad but I could tell he was hurt by the whole bunch of events too.

"It was," he aswered, stone cold. "This is for your own good, Anna. I once chose love and passion over stability and economy too and look where it got me."

My mom let her head hang down her neck like she was dead. I felt like a doll more than ever, who watches but does nothing except let others play her.

"Anna, I'm… so sorry…" I mumbled, unable to meet her in the eye.

"Why would you, Elsie?" she answered smiling weakly at me from our mom's breast. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Sometimes it still amazed me Anna's refusal to hate me. Any other sibling would've.

I kneeled in front of her and mom.

"Dad's wrong. You're smart and brave enough to fight for what you want. I wish I was more like you."

She smiled.

"I'll keep on fighting. Kristoff loves me and that's worth everything."

I smiled. I really wished I could be brave like her.

I went back to my room. Before I knew it, I was crying. And halfway to my room, I found my father in the hall.

"Don't listen to your sister. She isn't brave, she's a reckless fool. You are perfect," he kissed my forehead again and left.

I went straight to my room before anything else could get in my way. And shut the door right after me.

Of course it hurt me that Anna was suffering, she was my little sister and my only friend. But I knew I was crying for myself.

I watched my room: hot pink, the perfect color for the perfect princess, all my walls were covered in diplomas, certificates and medals —every kind of sport, only the highest levels of maths and many other things. I hated sports and maths.

I'd always wanted to be an artist, I wanted to dye my brown hair platinum blonde, I hated pink and I wanted to paint my room sky blue and white. But I knew that would alarm my father, he would fear I was losing my path and I simply couldn't make him sad, I was his firstborn, his little princess. His perfect doll.

I wanted to scream. But I couldn't even do that, I didn't want to scare my dad or even Anna, thinking I was trying to steal the spotlight.

Then I saw my family's portrait. My mom, unhappy with my dad; my dad, unhappy with my mom and my younger sister; Anna, unhappy with her entire family.

And me? Was I happy with someone?

"Your problem is that you want please everyone, Elsa."

I turned around and saw Anna in my room smiling brightly. If it wasn't for her dark swallowed cheek, you could never tell she had just been brutally hit.

"You think so?"

She sat on my bed.

"I do. I think it might be time for you to please yourself."

"But dad…"

"Screw him. Dad should be happy his precious favorite and most beloved daughter is happy. And if he isn't, he's kind of a dick."

"Anna!"

"Just saying. Think about it. He won't stop my happiness and I really wish he doesn't stop yours either, but that's on you, Big Sis."

On me…?

I was still staring at the door much more time after she left. I gazed at my window and saw the stars shinning up in the skys.

There were so little of them. Fuck light pollution.

I gasped and cover my mouth instantly. I couldn't believe I had just said —thought— the F word. I couldn't help laughing at my self.

I remembered that place I had been to with the scouts ten years ago, where the stars were clear and beautiful. I had always felt connected with the stars, I've always felt that just like they shone by themselves, they were so far away where no body could bother them and who could ever know how many things they had witnessed?

I sighed. It was funny to fantasize about freedom even if it hurt me how much I knew it would never ever happen.

I checked my phone: 4:10 AM. I had to wake up at 5:30 AM for my swimming practices so I didn't see no point in going back to sleep.

"One sweater, jeans, two blouses…" I murmured packing my stuff for the morning. I usually packed enough clothes in case my coach wanted me to come back like in an hour or two. I shoved my phone, my earphones and my charger inside too because my father was going to be there too and I didn't want to miss his calls or texts for running out of battery.

I should take a bath right now

I went into the bathroom and opened the shower. I loved water but I hated swimming —I loved to feel the water taking me and I hated the pressure of time which simply didn't let me feel free and happy in the pool.

Why couldn't I be like Anna? Why couldn't I stand up to my father and tell him I hated my life?

I knew the answer: it hurt me to hurt them. My father had already been through a lot all his life and I had to make him happy. Sometimes, in my most dead and bitter moments, I had question myself if I wasn't using my dad as an excuse for my own lack of enough guts to stand up for what I wanted.

I saw the water quickly becoming hot and steaming. I watched the steam flying away through the small window.

It was there in the water and suddenly it was gone, I wasn't part of the the running water and it wasn't in the room. It was gone.

It was then when I didn't stop to think what I was going to do. I shut the water and went back to my room, where my sport bag was.

I stared at it and took a few more things, like all my money, underwear and personal hygiene products.

I didn't stop to think what I was doing when I took my keys and opened my window. Neither when I let myself slipped over the roof after my bag and landed in the floor graceless.

It was just when I started the car and looked back at my house when I allowed myself to wish good luck to my sister and to wonder if my dad would miss more Elsa or the perfect robot daughter.

I laughed with the morning stars. How could he miss someone he didn't even know?