MOON

I can't say it was an evening like any other else. I had just come back from ice skating with my little sister and I felt something weird deep inside of me.

I was sitting on the couch staring at the TV rather than actually watching it.

"Jack Overland!"

I whomp and looked back at my mother. She was clearly angry, her fists laying in her waist.

I guessed she had been talking to me for a while by the moment.

I felt like I had missed something. Like i had suddenly began my existence in the emptiness.

"Jack, for goodness sake!"

I blinked, trying to get myself together enough to answer. But it felt like I was in a movie or a dream, like everything around wasn't actually happening.

Like I was missing something. Like I had just popped up in the living room, in the middle of a conversation.

Everything because of that stupid wind.

I watched my mom coming closer, I could see she was mad but I couldn't do anything.

She grabbed my shoulders and shook me like a maraca.

"JACK!"

I blinked again. She seemed a little worried now.

"Aren't you listening to me? Are you high?"

Then, I felt like someone punched my stomach hard. Suddenly I was back into reality and I was angry as fuck.

I jumped away from her and the couch frowning.

"Yes mom, I'm high. That's the only thing I do, right? I'm also drunk in case you hadn't noticed".

My mom looked hurt. And I felt hurt too, guilty for being an ass with her when I knew the only thing she wanted was the best for me, even if her idea of "the best" sucked. She was scared I would do it again, and maybe I was the one to blame.

I just didn't want to be defined by my mistakes.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked softly. Her brown sight, identical to mine, was hurt and scared.

I took a step away, like her love could hurt me worse than her fury. And it was just like it.

"What do you want, mom?"

She sighed.

"I was asking you were did you leave the skates. Your sister can't find hers"

I tried to remember. I was in the lake playing with my little sister, then I felt the wind in my neck and kind of spaced out for the rest of the afternoon until…

"Oh, shit!"

"Jack!"

"Sorry. I left them in the lake"

"What?"

"When we took them off and walked around, I forgot about them. I'm sorry, I'll be right back."

My mom glared at me as I had just told her that was going to go at Pitch's to get crystal meth or LSD.

"Jack…"

"I'm not an idiotic teenager getting high and drunk before breakfast, mom. I never were and I really wish you could see that"

She almost ran to me and stopped a few steps away.

"I don't want you dead, sweetie," she said, soft and sweet.

"I don't know how many times I've told you that I never overdosed. I can control myself, mom, even if you don't believe it."

She stepped aside and let me go.

"Be careful and hurry up, your sister insists on waiting for you for dinner."

Your sister, not me. I don't care if you come back. But she did care, I knew she was like a teenager who wanted to make her boyfriend believe she didn't give a fuck about him so he didn't try to hurt her.

But I knew she cared and she knew I loved her.

"Love you, mom."

I left my house and instantly felt the coldness around me, but I wouldn't get back inside for a proper coat.

My black hoodie got quickly covered in the frost falling from the sky.

I shivered and buffed.

"Fuck," I mumbled as I mounted my teal and black bike. I seriously thought I might froze to dead before I even reached the lake.

I biked through the woods fast before I did, thinking about my mom and my sister.

I shook my head when I saw the silverish gleaming moonligh reflected in the frozen lake.

I got off the bike and walked around looking for the skates we left.

I was freezing but I didn't exactly wanted to come back already. I liked being there, just me and the moon. And that motherfucker of the wind.

I didn't hate the wind. I loved feeling it flying through my auburn hair and my face, but recently everytime I got the wind in my face, I felt anxious, trapped. I hate feeling trapped.

I loved the moon. My mom and my friends used to say it was feminine thing but I never cared. I loved it, I thought the moon held millions of secrets, of forbidden moments. Under the moon, people went against many kinds of law to do what made them happy, even if it was wrong.

Oh, right, the skates. I didn't see them anywhere.

"Maybe from the risk…" I stared at the cliff and shook my head. If I came back without the skates, my mom would search my room and frisk me until she find any proof that I was doing drugs like, let's say, an empty bottle of juice suitable for inhaling drugs.

I sighed and climbed up the risk. It wasn't higher than seven or nine feet, but I had to be careful with the snow.

I climbed and climbed until I got to the top and before I could even turn back to face the lake and searched for the damn skates, the wind stroke.

It flew straight to my face. It went fast right through me like I was a ghost.

I opened my arms and let it take me. I wasn't freezing anymore, I felt free.

And I suddenly understood why I felt trapped went the wind touched my skin —I didn't felt trapped, I felt so free and unchained that the rest of my life felt like a cage.

I loved my mom and my sister, but I couldn't take it.

What if I leave?

"You'll break their hearts, Overland…"

I didn't want to hurt them, but staying felt more than ever like killing myself, like giving up the call of my own spirit in order to make someone else happy, even if that someone was my mom and my sister.

I checked my pockets and saw my phone and my keys. If I was going to do this, I needed a bit more that what I was carrying.

I went back to my house, faster and faster, and didn't want to give myself the chance to change my own mind.

When I reached my house, I stared at the windows. I couldn't face my mom again, so I had to get inside through the bathroom's window.

"I'm serious, Jackson! He's doing drugs again!"

I didn't expect her to believe me, but calling my father? I was furious, why couldn't she understand that trying one pill one time does not make me an addict?

"Don't you care about your son? He's a drug addict! He needs help! No, don't tell me that again! We don't know what else… I'm not! I'm watching out for my son just as you should!"

I changed my mind and climbed up the tree next to our house until I got to my window. I opened it and got inside fast.

I knew my mom loved me and was trying to do what she thought was best for me, but she had to understand that what seemed the best for her, wasn't for me. If she could only listened to me, if I could be sincere with her… she often asked me to be honest and open with her but everytime I did I felt kicked in my ass.

I sighed and as I took my phone charger and earphones I stopped one single second to think, was I actually going to do this? Was I going to leave my mom and my little sister? I stared at my other two hoodies, thrown carelessly inside my black bag. I was their man since my dad was always away in duty, he was a captain for the military, so that left me to take care of them… was I going to quit just like that?

You have to. I wasn't the perfect son, but I wasn't the worst either and I didn't think I deserved to be called an addict and a drunk irresponsible bad example for my sister when it wasn't true. My mother would've known that if she could only listen to me.

With renewed conviction, I packed my two hoodies, a pair of jeans, my phone and all my savings, which, by the way, were kind of good because I didn't waste my money in drugs and alcohol.

"I'm sorry mom, I need a break," I whispered to the night before jumping off my window to the roof.