Catra had never been on a train before.
Central City Station was a loud, dirty, crowded stewpot of anxiety, and Adora and Catra had to hold hands tightly to keep from losing each other as they braved the crowd. A woman in an official-looking hat sold them their train tickets at a booth at the perimeter of the room. Catra tried to keep herself from lunging after their yuan in a wild last effort to spare Adora the tribulation she knew this trip would hold, but they had already come this far, so she held her tongue and watched as their savings disappeared in an instant into a collection behind the counter.
Tickets in hand, they shouldered through the crowd side-by-side to the steam engine taking passengers to the south. It was difficult to tell where the throng ended and the official line for the train began, but the two girls sidled in according to their best guess.
"No going back now, huh?" Adora spoke, almost to herself, over the hiss of the idling train and the clamor of the citizens passing to and fro around them. Her eyes were set on the front of the train, where deep gray smoke was obscuring the air above the smokestack. It looked a lot like their future to Catra; clouded, unknown, but she put on an optimistic half-smile for her partner.
"We'll be all right," she replied as she clasped their hands together again.
Adora pulled her gaze away from the machine that would carry them into that unknown future and instead met Catra's eyes. She gave a tight smile to match the smaller girl's. "Yeah." She squeezed Catra's hand tighter in hers. "We will." Together was the familiar yet unspoken end to her sentence, and it warmed Catra's heart as it had every time before.
But the cold chill of anxiety wasn't melted away completely. They were nearing the front of the line, and Catra could feel her palm going clammy in Adora's as reality closed its unforgiving fingers around her throat. We'll be all right. We'll be all right. Stronger together, she repeated to herself to keep a handle on her nerves. This was for the best. This would be a good change for both of them.
And yet, Catra was still afraid to leave behind everything she had ever known. She would not miss Republic City, no, nor the life she had scraped together here. But she would miss the familiarity of it; the knowing what to expect behind every corner; the comfort of a monotonous existence. She would miss belonging, even if the only place she'd ever belonged was the moldy basement below an empty bar.
She let out her breath in a shuddering sigh as she realized, There really is no going back now. She turned her head to peer out at the city skyline visible through the tall arches of the station's façade.
"Are you okay?" Adora's voice close to her ear made her jump.
And—
If Catra had a yuan for every time one of them had asked the other that in the past few days, she would be rich enough to guarantee them a return trip. Of course, that didn't mean she was tired of hearing it. She would never get tired of it when it meant so much for someone to care.
So she looked up at her partner and flashed another, more genuine (if more nervous) smile. "Never better, princess," she responded, and in a way, it was true. "You?"
Adora only nodded, following her gaze to absorb the sight of the distant city as well. Catra wondered if it was easier for her, not having lived here for as long. But the way her eyes were shining gray, she had to doubt it.
Their turn came to board the train. They passed their tickets to the conductor at the door, who punched them with a handheld contraption and then passed them back. The paper felt heavier in Catra's hand as she accepted it again, even though she knew nothing had changed. She took a deep breath and took one more glance at the skyline of her comfortable hell before stepping onto the train ahead of Adora.
It was much quieter inside than it was on the platform, Catra thought at first. As she climbed the steps fully into the cabin interior, though, she realized that this was only partially true. The rumble of the idling engine and the odd creak of the machine's weight bearing down on the tracks smothered the sound of the crowd, but were comparably loud.
Catra reached the main aisle and began walking toward the back of the train, taking in the metal arches of the many windows and the worn yet tasteful red upholstery of the front-facing seats packed with people. The floors, too, were carpeted with red. She gripped her toes into the velvety surface and ran her palms along the seat cushions as she passed, simply feeling; absorbing this new environment.
But she still had a line of passengers trying to board behind her, so when Adora gently guided her toward an empty seat with a hand on her lower back, she reluctantly cut her tour short.
The view out the window quickly consoled her, though, for it was just as novel as being inside this fancy moving machine. She had a full view of the front of the station, including the statue of Fire Lord Zuko and the city beyond. The late morning sun was shining gold against the metal and glass façade, turning it molten.
"I should have stowed away on one of these a long time ago. The view is better," she murmured close to the glass, hearing her own voice bounced oddly back to her ears.
"What?" asked Adora, and Catra wasn't sure if it was out of alarm or if she simply hadn't heard. Instead of answering, Catra reached over and twined hands with the other girl's for the hundredth time today, still loving the feeling of Adora's fingers secure between hers.
She wasn't sure how long she let herself get caught up in the view, but she was startled out of her reverie as the cabin doors closed with a solid slam and the conductor took up his post on the inside. They were about to be off, and Republic City was about to be nothing but a memory in her wake.
She returned her gaze to the window and tried to solidify the image of the skyline in her mind. It was the most beautiful thing about the whole city, besides Adora. If she only remembered one thing about this place, she wanted it to be that.
The glass by her face began to vibrate as the engine rumbled louder and the brakes hissed in release. It took her a moment to realize that as the noise grew, her view was beginning to slowly shift, crawling toward the rear of the cabin. The train was moving!
"Look!" she cried as the platform began to pass them by, almost imperceptibly at first and then with increasing speed. Her heart rate was climbing along with it, and she couldn't tell whether it was from excitement or fear. Regardless, she felt better when Adora planted a kiss on her temple and joined her in watching their journey begin.
The conductor was beginning some kind of safety speech at the front of their car, but the crescendoing chug of the moving train overpowered his voice. Catra was more intent anyway on gazing out at the city as they left the shelter of the station and started south. She felt as if she were hovering out of her body, like she'd just taken a hit of má, but something about the feeling was purer this time. Hopeful instead of hopeless.
She and Adora stared out the window as Republic City passed them by and grew smaller and smaller behind until it was just a hazy silhouette on the horizon.
Only then did Catra tear her eyes away and face front, realizing with a painful jolt that she was now truly separated from everything she'd ever known.
She was in Adora's world, now.
…
Catra spent most of their trip watching the Earth Kingdom landscape flash by her window. It was all unfamiliar to her: vast expanses of dry, cracked earth, sometimes sandy, interrupted at intervals by green hills and jagged rock formations. It was at once thrilling and profoundly pitiful that she was getting to see more of the world in a single afternoon than she had in her entire lifetime. She was glad she'd gotten the window seat. She felt a little bad for depriving Adora of the view, but she figured the other girl had seen enough of the Earth Kingdom already.
In fact, when Catra finally took a break from gazing out at this new world, she found Adora watching her rather than the landscape. She felt a little pang of excitement in her chest. "Beautiful, isn't it?" she asked, the first she'd spoken in hours, still more comfortable with deflecting than she was with laying bare her feelings.
"Yeah. It is," agreed Adora, eyes heavy lidded and still on her, and Catra got the feeling they were not talking about the same thing.
She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the nervous prickle on the back of her neck. "You said it's two stops to your village, right?" she asked. She had already checked the map multiple times during their trip, but she kept worrying that they would somehow miss their stop and get lost in the middle of the desert forever.
Adora hummed an affirmative and patted her duffel bag laid across her knees, which she had recovered from the Underground after Catra's…incident. She had removed the athletic supplies from it and replaced them with food, extra clothes, and funds for their journey (though it still smelled like the gym), and Catra knew that Adora's map lay right on top for easy access. "The next one will be ours."
"How long will it be until then?"
Adora shrugged one shoulder. "A few hours. I expect we'll be there by nightfall." She looked over at Catra, jaw tense but eyes soft. "Did you want to rest?"
At the word rest, all of Catra's stress and exhaustion seemed to land on her shoulders with new weight. She really could use a rest; they both could. But they could do that once they straightened out the situation at Adora's village and made it to the Water Tribe. Until then, Catra couldn't see either of them getting a very thorough night's sleep with all the pressure riding on them. So, "And miss the view? No thanks, princess," she replied cheekily. Then she bit her lip, taking in the shadows behind Adora's eyes as well as beneath them. "Do you?"
Adora let out a weary sigh that sounded just the way Catra felt. "I don't think I could if I tried," she admitted, crossing her arms to hug herself and slouching in her seat. "The thought of my home village is…getting to me."
Catra could think of nothing to say that wouldn't sound empty and lame. She never could; Adora was the eloquent one of the two, and that was saying something. She did know how to act, though, and right now that's what she did, shifting in her seat so her back was to the window and nudging Adora to turn with her. Though the taller girl gave her a curious look, she complied, letting Catra pull her against her front and slide wiry arms around her waist. They drew glances from the other train passengers as they snuggled up right in front of everyone, but that was less important than comforting Adora right now.
The sun-haired girl let her head rest back against the crook of her partner's neck and sighed into her skin. "Thanks, Catra."
Catra suppressed a shiver and hummed a quiet acknowledgement. "I'm shit with words, but I'm here," she murmured close to the other girl's ear.
Adora tilted her chin up and her eyes caught the afternoon light and looked bluer, now. "I know," she said, lips curling in a teasing smile. She reached to cover the hands around her torso with her own and relaxed, letting her eyes slip closed. Then, again, softer: "I know."
Catra inhaled a deep breath of Adora's comforting scent and rested her cheek against that golden hair, enjoying the warmth and the privilege of having Adora in her arms. Leaned up against each other like this, they each found their anxiety fading into the background to be replaced by temporary comfort, and the rhythmic rumble of the train lulled them into a doze.
Even with the risk of the unknown pressing closer and closer with each passing moment, they were able to rest, in the end.
…
The clamor of the train's second stop thankfully woke them.
Catra came to with a start, her neck bent at an awkward angle and one of her hands dangling off the seat. She was uncomfortably hot for the first time since losing her bending, thanks to Adora's body still slouched against her front. She, too, had been rudely awakened, if her wild flyaways and the confused look in her eyes were anything to judge by. She pushed herself off of Catra's chest with a muffled groan and retrieved her duffel bag from where it had fallen onto the floor.
"This is us," she said, her throat scratchy. "We've got to go."
With that, she was sliding out of their seat into the aisle, and Catra followed, hands empty because she had no luggage to gather. Their departure from the train was so rushed and Catra was so groggy that it hardly seemed real. She just clung onto her partner's shirt to avoid losing her in the stream of people also disembarking and squinted into the orange sunlight streaming in the windows from the opposite side as this morning. It was just before nightfall, as Adora had predicted.
They were at the steps when Adora uttered a low, "Oh!" and paused, reaching into the side pocket of her duffel bag and drawing out her old brimless hat. Catra was surprised to see it; Adora hadn't worn it since her injury. As her partner stuffed it on over her sunny hair, Catra frowned. Adora really didn't want to be recognized here.
Stepping onto the platform, they were hit with a cool breeze that was refreshing until their eyes began watering from the dust it kicked up. The platform itself was made of wood, but there, too, lay a thick coating of desert dust that gave Catra a nasty dry feeling between her toes. Her first impression was that the Earth Kingdom was more enjoyable when experienced from behind a window.
She narrowed her eyes against the particles in the air and looked around. The establishment around the platform was a mixture of traditional wooden structures and shining industrial innovation, with a handful of Satomobiles tracking up unpaved streets; too big to really be called a village, but too small for a city. "This is it?"
"No," said Adora, and before Catra could panic that they got off at the wrong stop, she raised her arm and pointed west toward the setting sun. If Catra squinted, she could make out the dark silhouette of squat buildings framed along the horizon. "That's it."
"Oh. I didn't know we'd have to walk."
Though she wasn't complaining, Adora gave her a sideways look and a ghost of a mocking smile. "Who's the princess now, huh?"
Catra scoffed, but was not in the mood to argue. Her nervousness had fallen back onto her shoulders full force as soon as they exited the train. Everything felt more real now, somehow. When she looked up at Adora, her jaw was set again, and combined with the precaution of the hat Catra knew she was feeling the same.
Before they could stew too long in their growing anxiety, Catra bumped her partner's shoulder with her own and nudged, "Come on. I don't really want to be walking in the dark."
Adora gave her another glance, and the hesitation in her eyes was obvious.
"We've come this far," pointed out Catra softly in response.
"Yeah." Adora took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "You're right."
Without another word—before they lost their nerve—she slung her duffel bag over her shoulder and started toward the village on the horizon.
Catra followed, as she always would.
…
They reached the scattering of old bowed buildings just after dark. The village didn't seem to be laid out in any particular pattern, instead featuring twisting dirt streets that were sometimes flanked by curtained-off homes and sometimes by storefronts and selleries, windows dark for the end of the day. Catra wondered how it could be located so close to a developed town and remain so rustic. Then she wondered if their fixation on traditions like Shira's prophecy had anything to do with it.
They had stopped at the outskirts of the village spread, and Catra now realized that they had been standing there for more than a casual moment. She looked over at her companion and couldn't be sure if the pale cast to her face was the moonlight or the trepidation. She ventured out her hand and slipped it into Adora's, carefully so she didn't startle her. The gesture drew Adora's gaze, and the pain in her expression hit Catra like a punch.
"Hey," she said, and it came out shakier than she'd intended. "It's okay. We're okay." It sounded hollow, and internally she groaned. This is why she preferred to stick to physical forms of comfort. She squeezed Adora's hand and stepped closer and tried again: "You don't have to worry about anything tonight. We'll just find a place to sleep and figure things out in the morning."
Adora looked at her miserably. "That'll just give me more time to worry about it," she said in a small, regretful voice, but she turned toward Catra to take hold of her other hand. "I'm so glad you came with me. I don't think I could do it without—without—" She broke off and blinked up at the sky to hold back tears that Catra hadn't noticed before. "I couldn't do it alone."
Catra freed her hands to reach up and cup Adora's cheeks, and she didn't care how odd they must look; two unfamiliar silhouettes embracing at the edge of a random Earth Kingdom village. She tipped the other girl's head down so she could look her in the eye and whispered fiercely, "Of course I came. We take care of each other, Adora."
One of those tears spilled over, and Catra brushed it away with her thumb. Adora leaned into her hands. Her eyes were silver in the moonlight as she gazed down at her—her friend? Her companion? Her partner? Her—
"I love you," said Adora abruptly, although if Catra thought about it, she figured it was not so unexpected.
And though she finally, finally acknowledged within herself that she absolutely felt the same, she could still not put it into words.
So, instead, "Y-you too," she managed, letting her eyes and her hands fall as disappointment—disappointment in herself—weighed on her chest like lead.
She was closer. But she was still a coward.
Adora let out a soft sigh through her nose and gave Catra a forgiving kiss on her forehead. "Let's go find my house," she moved on quickly, not allowing Catra the time to stew in her guilt. With that, she turned, took one more deep breath, and led the way into the dark village with her bag back on her shoulder and Catra close behind.
The wind among the buildings was the loudest noise besides their footsteps as they traversed the unpaved streets. Although the short, wood-and-stone buildings all looked basically the same to Catra, Adora seemed to know exactly where she was going. Catra was glad for it. The deserted landscape was starting to spook her; even though she could see lights on behind the curtains of the residential structures, this place felt empty. As she walked by one such house, something on the outer wall caught her eye: symbols of some kind, made of lines and circles in an unfamiliar pattern, carved into the stone. It was worn enough that it could have predated the family that lived within. On an uncomfortable whim Catra reached out and ran her fingers over it as she passed. She might have imagined it, but the surface seemed to sting her a little bit.
"What are you doing?" Adora's voice, though quiet, made her jump.
Catra snatched her hand away from the shallow inscription. Instead of answering, she replied with another question: "What are these?"
"Sigils," said Adora shortly, "from the first Shira's time. To keep evil spirits away." She glared at the symbols as if it were their fault she'd been caught up in this place's stupid ancient prophecy. "They didn't work."
That last statement gave Catra a nervous chill. Now that she took another, closer look around the path they walked, she could see the remains of demolished foundations scattered among the newer houses. A testament to the sigils' failure. Evidence that the stories of Shira and the angry spirit were true.
No wonder Adora didn't like it here.
Catra kept her mouth shut and her hands to herself for the rest of the walk to Adora's old house.
The building where they stopped was made of chiseled stone like the rest, but this one had slim pillars out front, all of which were positively littered with those haunting sigils. Catra paused as Adora passed between them, feeling nauseous. She chalked it up to her nerves, but for some reason she just couldn't bring herself to step forward and be surrounded by those creepy old symbols. They might sting her again.
Adora glanced back when she noticed that Catra wasn't by her side, saw the frightened look on her face, and turned. "Are you all right?"
Catra nodded, feeling stupid and paranoid yet somehow sure that those things bore her ill will. But when Adora extended her hand and Catra took it, her fear drained away at the rush of warmth. She let out a breath of relief. "Thank you," she said softly as they passed the pillars and approached the wooden door at the front of the house.
Adora took her turn to hesitate as they faced the old, worn surface. Her eyes looked glazed over; her muscles tense. Catra hated to see her this way.
She gave her partner's hand a little squeeze to rouse her, and Adora visibly jerked. She didn't waste anymore time, though, in raising her fist and knocking on the door. Catra could tell she was still holding her breath.
They didn't have to wait long before the portal cracked open, and that held breath rushed out of Adora like she'd been punched.
A tall, thin woman stood in the gap, the white hair capping her dark head almost aglow in the moonlight. Her pale eyes were like stone as she looked down at the girls on her doorstep. A tense beat passed as she studied them, and then her brows bunched. As if as an afterthought, Adora reached up and pulled away her hat so her golden hair was visible, and the woman's expression cleared.
"Adora?"
"Yes," Adora tried, but her voice was thick and scratchy with nerves and dust, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Yes, it's me."
"Adora. What are you doing here?" The woman opened her door wider and stepped forward as if to give Adora a hug, but stopped a pace away and simply clasped her forearm in greeting instead. What a sap. She's the most pessimistic, stonefaced, robotic woman you'll ever meet, Adora's words came back to Catra. Then the woman's eyes shifted to Catra suspiciously; piercing and pale blue. "And who is this?"
Adora glanced at the girl beside her. "This is my—" Here she paused, caught off guard and floundering. "—my friend." Catra didn't blame her; simply nodded to the tall, slim stranger in curt respect. Adora's shoulders relaxed a fraction. "May we stay for the night?"
The woman's icy eyes did not thaw in the slightest. "You still have not told me why you are here."
"I think that's a conversation best left until morning," Adora responded, sounding a little hesitant, like she was afraid of crossing her old mentor.
But the tall woman didn't look angry. In fact, she didn't look like anything at all. Her face remained impassive as she nodded stiffly and turned aside to allow them in. "It is good to see you, Adora," was the most personable thing she said to them.
Adora faced her and gave her a traditional bow. "And you, Sifu Light Hope." Though she sounded respectful, Catra had to wonder how true that really was.
This Light Hope gave her a shallow bow in return. "I assume you remember where your room is," she said to Adora, and then fixed her pale gaze on Catra, freezing her in place. "But I do not have any extra beds."
"She can stay with me," assured Adora just a touch too quickly. She too looked to her companion as if searching for any hint of protest, but Catra didn't offer any. She wasn't about to embarrass Adora in front of her frigid mentor.
"Very well," Light Hope conceded with a slow, calculating glance between them, stopping on her former pupil. "I will anxiously await hearing about whatever it is that has brought you here." The statement had a hard edge to it—not quite a veiled threat, but perhaps a veiled command. Catra could hear Adora swallow with effort beside her.
You spent your whole childhood with this lady? Catra had to wonder. This was almost as bad as Weaver. Not that this chilly stranger was beating Adora or anything, but the way Adora reacted to her…
Catra inched just a little closer to the other girl, protective.
Light Hope nodded to them both, and then turned and disappeared through a curtain into what was presumably the main area of the house. As soon as she was out of sight, Adora let out a breath of relief. Catra glanced up at her in concern.
"I get why you didn't want to come back here," she said at a clandestine whisper.
Adora just nodded and sighed, her face looking drawn; pale in the dark. "My room was—is this way." She extended her arm to guide Catra off to the right, through a green curtain that matched the one she had at Razz's. That little detail gave Catra a pang of something like sympathy; Adora was sentimental enough—or lonely enough in the city that she'd hung up something from home. She got the urge to hold Adora's hand again as a comforting gesture, but doubted how welcome it would be right now. The best thing for Adora at the moment would be to slip into sleep and escape this nostalgic nightmare she was living.
Only, when Catra stepped into her room and laid eyes on the single tiny bed, she began to doubt how easily that escape would come. She gave Adora an incredulous glance as the taller girl entered the room behind her.
"Are you sure you want me to stay with you?"
Adora stopped and looked around the room, taking in the dusty rush rug on the floor; the Earth Kingdom tapestries (and a Water Tribe dreamcatcher) on the walls; the gas lamp on a night table strewn with personal effects. A trunk against the front windowed wall lay open, with clothes in Adora's usual earth tones stacked messily inside. Adora must have left in a hurry.
The sun-haired girl let her duffel bag fall to the floor by her feet, sending up a light cloud of dust. "Yeah," she said, voice hoarse as she was virtually slapped in the face with the memories of her old life. She gripped the doorframe as if she were trying to resist bolting from the room. "Please."
"There's not a whole lot of room in there," Catra observed softly, with a hint of teasing, tilting her chin toward the bed.
Adora fixed her with a heavy look, and in the dark Catra couldn't tell if it was annoyed, heated, or just dead tired. "We'll manage," she said, and her voice was no more telling.
Catra didn't say anything else as she headed toward the bed. She wanted to stay, of course, but not if it was going to be more an inconvenience than a comfort. But Adora didn't change her mind, even as Catra climbed onto the straw-filled mattress and her small form took up most of the bed.
Adora went to the trunk against the wall and stripped her shirt off, leaving the muscled plane of her back open to Catra's view. It was only visible in the moonlight for a short second before she replaced it with a clean shirt from the trunk, but it still left Catra's throat dry.
How did I end up here? she marvelled as she leaned against Adora's pillow, watching the taller girl approach and hardly believing her eyes. How did we end up here?
The mattress dipped as Adora lowered her weight onto it as well. She scooted down until her head was on her pillow and her legs beneath the thin quilt (green like everything else in this place), and once she was settled Catra descended beside her.
It was snug. To fit, Adora bent her arm up to cushion both of their heads, and Catra basically lay on top of her chest, arm thrown across to hold the curve of her hip. When they rolled to face each other, their noses were inches apart. For a long minute, it was silent except for their breathing.
Then, "Hey, Adora," Catra couldn't resist whispering sultrily into the narrow space.
Adora smiled for the first time since they'd gotten off the train. Catra regretted that it was too dark to fully enjoy it.
"Hey," she replied softly.
Her voice landed muffled in the dark, and the two girls regarded each other tenderly, both tired yet tense enough that sleep would likely elude them despite the comfortable position they were in. As if sleep weren't the thing they both needed most right now.
And, Catra could think of some things to do with their time in the interim (she loved being this close to Adora. Maybe a little too much for her own good), but she also didn't want to put too much pressure on her companion right now. She shifted on Adora's arm, feeling a little nervous all of a sudden. Adora tilted her chin up to hold Catra's eyes, a soft question rising to them as she noticed the other girl's hesitation.
Catra swallowed down her unsurety and spoke before she could psych herself out. Before temptation and proximity overwhelmed her and she did something stupid without even asking first. "C-can I kiss you?" she finally blurted, cheeks heating as she realized how desperate she probably sounded.
She could feel Adora's breath hitch in her chest. The sun-haired girl drew in a long breath, and then on her shaky exhale almost whimpered, "Yeah."
Yes, Catra celebrated, but although Adora's certain answer helped to put her at ease, she was still tentative as she wet her lips and leaned in.
Adora met her halfway. The contact was like a breath of fresh air after a day in the Earth Kingdom's dust; like falling into bed after a grueling day of work; like the first chance to rest in a trip halfway across the globe—it was relief, and Catra was instantly hooked.
She groaned contentedly as Adora broke away for a split second only to return with another, firmer kiss, then another. It started out slow; sweet. Catra lifted her hand to feather along Adora's jaw, an apology for the twin scratches that lay there, and Adora ran her own hand along the curve of Catra's waist.
Gradually they fell further, deeper, until the pressure in Catra's chest increased to crushing and traveled lower. She thought of the first time they'd found themselves like this, tangled up in each other and in a cloud of má on her couch, and what Adora had said. She ached to tell Adora the same—to admit that I love you too—but she was so afraid. She'd much rather try to communicate it to Adora with the caress of her lips and tongue; of the warmth of their forms pressed together, but she knew that would not do forever.
For now, she raised herself up on one elbow for a better angle, and was surprised when Adora gripped her firmly by the thighs and pulled her the rest of the way over so she was on top of her. Catra had to catch herself with a hand on either side of Adora's head to keep her balance.
Cheeks flaming, breath coming a little heavy, she wondered where exactly Adora intended for this to go. And, if she was assuming correctly, "Do you think Light Hope will mind?"
"Not if we're quiet," Adora replied in a rough murmur.
Those words, along with the deliberate stroke of Adora's fingers along her upper thighs, sent a healthy jolt through Catra's whole body. So Adora was in that kind of mood. Catra deflected to buy herself time to compose herself: "Why's that her name, anyway?"
"It started as a joke," Adora provided. "Her name is Hope, but my mother—" Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat and continued quickly, "—my mother would call her Light Hope to poke fun at her for being so gloomy all the time. And after she died…" Adora cleared her throat again, harder, like she was irritated with herself for being so emotional. "It stuck, I guess."
Catra winced, feeling like she should be the one irritated with herself. Here she was trying to get Adora's mind off of the stress bearing down on her, and instead she blundered right into a conversation about her late mother. Could she be any more stupid?
She let her head fall forward so her face was hidden in the pillow. "Spirits, Adora, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"
"Be quiet," Adora cut her off, voice sharp but gentle as a breath. And—
Oh. Catra was startled by the command in combination with the way Adora tugged her head back up by her hair, but she relaxed when they met once again in a kiss.
She was glad to drown their pain in a haze of affection, even if Adora was bold, this time; controlling. It was new to Catra and a little nerve-wracking, but she understood. She knew how Adora was feeling: lost, anxious, helpless, and if Catra could ease her struggle by letting her take charge of this then she would. So when Adora rolled them both over so she was on top, their mouths still locked, and clung to Catra like she was a lifeline, Catra held her tight. When her hands ventured under Catra's clothes, seeking solace, Catra did her best to provide for the girl she loved.
When her tears slipped free and wet Catra's face, she pretended like she didn't notice.
She didn't know why it had taken her this long to realize that she would do anything for Adora.
…