2/11/2
Kylo's not sure if his lack of leap out of bed, gobble down a good breakfast, and attack the day like it's a ravening beast about to devour his family is because he's still not entirely healed up, or possibly because he's just so fucking comfortable, in bed, with Rey in his arms, sleeping quietly, or that… well… He's not exactly feeling any real need to go do Master stuff.
It just seems sort of vague and tenuous, and if Kinear and Schiff and Jon can do the job without him, maybe they could just… keep doing it without him. At least, for a few more days…
He's not sure if that's a comforting thought or not.
He closes his eyes and snuggles in deeper with Rey. He's probably still getting better. That's likely why anything other than snuggling with her seems like… It's beside the point.
The second time he wakes up, he's feeling a bit more like, maybe, at some point, getting out of bed would be a decent plan.
Maybe.
If he can't get Rey to get back into it with him.
But she's not in it, which seems like many, many shades of wrong. Though he does notice the door to the refresher is open, and he can hear her moving around, and water. That's the sound of water turning on…
Shower time… With his favorite person.
Okay, that's worth getting out of bed for.
She smiles at him when he ambles in. Still tired, still weak, but… Well, he pretty much didn't move for a week straight, unless he absolutely had to, so… He's feeling mopey about this, but, it'll probably take at least a few days to get his full strength back.
"I figured you'd be in when you heard the water," she says, brushing her teeth.
"You figured right." He reaches for his own toothbrush, and then glares at himself in the mirror, rubbing his face. Rey's laser hair removal device means he only has to shave once a week, but… He was probably on day five or six when he got sick, and then on his ass for eleven days, and today's twelve, and… Yeah, he's got… well, the part around his lips and chin and neck actually looks like a functional beard now. Less like the wiry half-nest of sad little black hairs that's his mental image of him with a beard. His cheeks and jawline are pretty much hairless, except for the few stragglers. Which is pretty much exactly his mental image of himself with a beard.
His eyes narrow a bit. He, probably, could just skip it. Maybe, if he's feeling really ambitious, he'll see Jon, Kinear, and Schiff today, and none of the three of them will blink if he looks a bit worse for the wear. He just… hates, how even with the scar, even with an extra twenty-five centimeters of hair, and more than a decade of growing up, this is still his image of Master Ben, and…
He eyes his razor. His hands… are probably steady enough, but he really doesn't want to be scraping a blade over his skin when his hands are a bit shaky. He's dealt with enough pain recently, he doesn't need to add cutting a chunk out of his chin or neck to the list.
Rey's watching him do that while she brushes her teeth. When she finishes, she says, "You like it when I wash your hair, and I like washing your hair, so... You trust me, right?"
He realizes that she means that she could shave him, and his eyes go wide, because that hits him, hard. He nods, slowly. The idea of her shaving him is nothing that's ever been in danger of occurring to him, but now that he's thinking of, it he really likes the idea.
Rey grabs his razor and brush and gel, and takes them into the shower with them. "It'll work in here, right?"
He nods. "I do it at the sink so I can see what I'm doing."
"I don't need a mirror to see."
"No, you don't."
He loves his shower. He loves hot water. He loves, to an infinite power more, Rey in said shower, sharing the hot water with him, shampooing his hair.
It feels so astoundingly good to him. He's sitting on the floor of the shower, and she's a bit higher up, on the little... Well, until Rey was in his life, he always thought it was some sort of shelf, it's where his soap, sponge, and shampoo lives, but she can sit on it pretty easily, so maybe it's a seat.
"I knew I was going to like sex. I maybe wasn't supposed to, and I wasn't sure that I'd ever get to try it, but… I just knew that was going to be good."
His head is tipped forward as the water rinses down over them. His eyes are closed, so he can't see the way she's looking at him right now, a mix of confusion and tenderness, but he can feel it.
So he keeps talking, "But, I had no idea of… any of this. If my parents ever did things like this, I never saw it. Luke certainly never mentioned it. We had communal showers, but no one ever offered to wash anyone else's back, at least not while I was in there." He twists a little and kisses her knee. "How fucking stupid is this? The only other couple I actually knew was Hux and Phasma, and if they ever did things like this, they never thought about it anywhere near me."
She smiles a little, at that, and kisses the crown of his head. She straightens up, and he stands up, too, as she says, "I didn't see, well, this, no water showers on Jakku, but… You don't mean the shower, not really."
He kisses her, and signals for her to sit down, so he can shampoo her hair. "I do, because I really like this," he pours the shampoo into his hands, and starts to lather it, "and I don't because I'm talking about… caring for each other, and… just… this, here, with each other."
Rey moans softly when his fingers find her hair, and began to work through it. "This is good."
"It really is."
They're quiet as he continues to work the shampoo through her hair. Eventually she says, and he can feel there's a sadness in her voice, and he knows why, "There were a few families… Not children… People didn't have children at Niima. Not the people who lived there. Ones who came to trade did… but… Couples, and more… sometimes more. And in the evenings, you'd see them outside, catch that hour before the sun completely set, when the heat was leaving the air, but the ground was still warm. The stars would start to come out, and… I liked that time. And sometimes, before I left Niima… There'd be families, sharing their food and water, laughing, talking, and gentle touches, and happy looks." She rubs her lips together. Kylo can feel her thinking about how everyone on Niima is dead now. "There were times I watch that, and want it. That was my image of my 'family.' People who would share food and water with me, and give me hugs, and listen to my stories."
"But they didn't share with you." It's not a question. He's not, hearing stories like this, sad that everyone on Niima is dead. There's a satisfied purr of warmth in him that the people who didn't share with Rey are dead. And more… understanding isn't the right word, because he does understand why she gets nervous when he wants people dead on her behalf, but more resignation to the fact that he can't do that again.
Rey shakes her head. "Mostly. When… After, the ladies brought me tea, and that helped, but… I was Plutt's, so…"
"So they left you, mostly, alone."
"You wouldn't pick up another man's tools, right?"
Kylo shrugs. "That's… never really been a thing for me. Either everything I've needed is nearby, or it's been communally owned, so it's not like there's any sense of trespass from grabbing whatever was nearby."
"Oh."
He shifts the water a little, and is pleased to see that he can reach out with his Force and get the shower head to move without having to practically kill himself focusing on it, so the water is getting Rey's hair. When it's done, he kisses the top of her head. "I think the important thing is, you aren't a tool. You can't just… own people."
"And yet, trillions of them do."
He pulls her closer to him. "We're working on it."
A moment after that, she makes a small snerking noise. "Well, so much for that."
"So much for what?"
"My plan of just one, good, easy day. Nothing sad, nothing…" She shakes her head a little.
He holds onto her, and her arms wrap around his waist. "What would make today good?"
"I think I'd really rather not be dwelling on Jakku."
He nods, his chin against her forehead. "I still need a shave."
"Good."
It really really shouldn't feel this good. Her hands, the blade, the slight scrape of it cutting through the hair. It should just feel, at most, pleasant. Like getting his hair washed. It should be relaxing and nice, and… pleasant.
But this is a lot more than pleasant.
Granted, she's naked and standing between his legs, and he can feel her thighs against his, and feel the heat of both of their bodies, and the steam of the water, and… It's a lot better than pleasant.
He, absently, supposes that maybe he can't blame that twit for getting a stand from Rey smacking him. After all, he's sitting here, filling out and lifting up, as she runs a blade over his face, so…
"I'm intentionally being gentle and sensual, and trying to make this feel good. I was not trying to make him feel good."
He doesn't speak because she's got a knife to his upper lip. He does think. I know, but… The danger is certainly part of it. There's probably a certain kind of man who really enjoys having a beautiful woman hold his life in her hands, okay?
Her eyebrows raise at that. "Really?"
Yeah. I probably like this a lot more than I should. It sort of purrs through him as she tilts his head up and swipes the blade slowly over his throat. He doesn't shiver or wriggle at the feel of it, because he really shouldn't move. He wants to, though.
His shaft nudges her leg as it lifts a bit more.
"Huh…" She's contemplating him. "So, this…" She gently slides the blade down his throat again, and uses her Force to, very gently, trail down his shaft.
She can feel the way he almost jumps when she does it. He keeps his position still, but every muscle in his body tenses as his eyes go wide. REY sort of whimpers, a mix of sexual urgency and alarm through his mind.
"No?" She steps back, and he sighs, slumping a little.
"I loved that. It felt absolutely exquisite. And please, don't do it again. I'm not sure how well I'll do at staying as still as I need to for that."
He sees her think about it, and tuck that away to play with later. "Okay." She hits him with an image, a future play date, where he's feeling healed, in control, and she's trailing the blade over his throat as she sinks her body onto his, saying, "That's it, you're doing so well, baby, just stay still for me, love."
He groans, loud at the image of that, and his head thuds against the back of his shower, baring his throat to her, more or less begging for her to do it to him, while knowing that now isn't the time for it.
She steps near again, kissing the tip of his nose, which isn't slick with shave gel. "Just shaving."
"For now."
She grins at him. "For now."
After… after warm water, and warm touches, a blade on his skin, and Rey's hands following, and lips, and hot touches, and… all of it.
After, toweling off his hair, as she's putting hers up in a ponytail, he looks like Kylo again.
Thinner than he should be, but… That's his face. No shades of Ben.
"I might decide to stop zapping my face if you want to do this regularly."
She finishes up with the ponytail, and kisses his lips, nuzzling his chin. "Replace as many of the bad memories with good ones?"
He drops to his knees, holds her close, gently rubbing his very smooth face against her chest and breast. "That's the idea."
"Oh, come here, my love…"
Rey's eyebrow raises as she watches Kylo pet his coffee mug.
He grins at her, and takes a long, deep sip. He usually drinks his black, but today it's rich with milk and sugar, partially to get more calories into him, and partially to just ease back into it.
She rolls her eyes a little, and takes a sip of hers, while spooning a little of her scrambled egg onto her toast.
"Is finishing up last night's conversation part of 'the good day?'" Kylo asks as he's contemplating what he wants to eat first. He's got toast and eggs and fruit, and there's some sort of spiced porridge, and… So many flavors and textures, and he doesn't know what he wants in his mouth first.
"Will it bother you if I want to kick it a bit further down the line?"
He picks the fruit. "Only to the extent that it seems to bother you."
She shakes her head. "Just… processing. There's something big there, and I'm not quite… there… yet."
He nods. "You mind if I talk to Jon or Poe about it?"
"No." It's clear she's thinking about something, and he's very much not poking it, so it's a bit of a surprise to him when she says, "Do you pray?"
"Uh…" He blinks at that. "Rarely. A little, these last few months, but… Not… Like I used to."
She nods at that. He can feel her tucking that away.
"Do you… want to talk about that?"
"Not right this second."
He nods at that, too. "It really was a hell of a week, wasn't it?"
That gets a tight smile out of Rey. "Yeah."
"C8, can you—" Kylo hears the door slide open, and Jon's there. "Or he can just magically appear."
"You're vertical!"
Kylo rolls his eyes. "For the moment. I'm probably going to get a nap this afternoon."
Jon's watching him carefully, clearly not missing the lost weight, his skin pale, or the general 'I'm not up to full strength' vibe. "You look like you could use it." He sits next to Kylo at the conference table.
Kylo's eyeing him, Jon up and hale and hearty, getting a feel for Jon's light. "You don't get sick, do you?"
Jon inclines his head a bit. "I certainly told Rey that."
Kylo raises an eyebrow at him.
"Assuming I'm not being abysmally stupid, no, I don't get sick."
"Like… what, going into a plague zone? Rey can do that, and you've got a lot of the same feel as she does on this."
"More or less..." Fucking Luke Skywalker.
"Uh… I'm… not trying to read your thoughts, but that one was really loud. And while that's a sentiment I'm unlikely to challenge you on, I also have no idea why you thought it."
"He's the one who sat you down and did the sex talk, right? Or should I be thinking fucking Han Solo? No, I already know the answer to that. He'd had to have known better."
Kylo nods. "It was Luke." It's also clear from the look on his face that Kylo cannot figure out why he's linking getting sick to sex.
Jon sighs a bit, and nods to C8 as a cup of tea, the way he likes it, is placed in front of him. "Thank you."
C8 nods at that.
"Do you record these conversations?" Jon asks the droid.
"Unless expressly directed not to, of course. If the Master wants a reminder of what's been discussed, or a transcript, that's the only way for me to be able to retrieve one."
"Okay, stop recording. I'll let you know when to continue," Jon says. The biggest problem with C8 being black in a black room is that if his eyes aren't glowing it's easy to forget he's in there. That's not an issue now, so Jon's feeling a bit uncomfortable with him just hovering there in the background.
Kylo's blinking. "That's how you do that?"
"How else could I do that?"
"Can anyone else get those recordings?" Kylo's suddenly thinking of all the conversations he's had within C8's hearing.
"They're coded to your voice, and now Lady Ren's. Anyone else attempting to get them through slicing or faking your voice will trigger a full scale deletion."
"Oh. Okay. Uh… For future reference, any conversations about Luke Skywalker do not need to be recorded."
"Yes, sir."
"You were saying," Kylo looks to Jon.
"Okay." He glares a little at the stars passing them by. If Kylo's clueless on sex and getting sick… How much more of this didn't he get? "Uh…" Another fucking Luke Skywalker thought dances through his head. "Uh… You and Rey don't have kids."
"Astute observation."
"Intentionally?"
"You want to know if I know what a preventative is. Yes. I do."
Jon's feeling rather doubtful on that. "Uh huh. What do they prevent, Kylo?"
"Babies…" He's looking at Jon like he's being appallingly stupid right now.
"Among other things."
Kylo blinks.
"Yep. That, right there. That blink. And the way you're staring at me like you just noticed a gaping hole in the floor at your feet. That's the Fucking Luke Skywalker moment. A slick'll keep you from making any babies you don't want and make sure you don't catch any of a long and wide variety of social diseases."
"Oh." Kylo blinks again. "Abysmally stupid."
Jon nods. "Going into a plague zone."
Kylo startles a bit. "Oh."
"Yeah. I… know better. I've known better for a long time. But… It feels better without, and… I'm not supposed to need them, you know? I'm supposed to be fluid bonded, and uh… monogamous… and uh… Especially from the back, he looked enough like Lane, and smelled enough like him, too, and… Well, eyes closed… I could pretend.
"And I knew it was stupid, I knew it was going to bite me, and I did it anyway, and I wasn't even drunk enough to blame it on that. But, besides moments where I act like a flaming idiot, I don't get sick."
Kylo nods slowly, and then another thought hits. "Uh… Are you… okay?"
Jon waves that off. "Yeah, saw the med droids the next day. Maybe that's part of 'feeling like Rey.' I knew I'd caught something, so I went to get it taken care of. Got an update on all of my anti-virals, and a pile of antis. In men, that one's more or less asymptomatic. You don't know you've got it unless a screening goes positive, or, three decades later, you get cancer in a place you really don't want it. But if you pass it on to a woman, it'll fuck her up something fierce."
Kylo nods again, chewing on his lip, feeling cold all over. "So… there are… a lot of these?"
"Dozens and dozens."
"And some of them don't have symptoms?"
"Yeah. They'll just lurk in the background until they jump up and bite you, or someone you give it to, something fierce."
Kylo's rubbing his forehead, starting to beg the Force that he didn't pass something on to Rey.
"Kylo…"
"When Snoke was around… I saw the Specs a few times. They always put a slick on me, and I wasn't about to ask why." Mostly because, since most of what they were doing was oral sex, he just assumed they didn't want to actually touch him. "After that, but before Rey… I mean… There were a few officers who… Back then, I didn't exactly mind if all they wanted was my power if I got a good spurt from it. If it was the sort of thing that could make a kid, I'd use one, but… I just didn't know."
"Sir," C8's voice is mild. "When Rey brought you here and told me you needed medical attention, the med droid scanned you for everything. If anything other than Hiffa had shown up, you'd know by now."
Kylo sighs with relief.
"Also, fewer of them get passed around through oral, and if you're the guy half of it, even fewer of them, and on the receiving side, fewer yet. There are some advantages to having a shaft. That said, they're supposed to check for all of that in your yearly physical, too," Jon adds.
This time, when he's met with a confused look on Kylo's face, he says, "Fucking Snoke. If you're an Order soldier, every year, you've got to visit the MedBay, and they poke and prod you, make sure you're healthy and fit for duty, and update all of the drugs and whatnot you're supposed to be on. You didn't do that?"
Kylo shrugs. "Might not have been necessary to make a separate trip. I was in there every few months for broken bones, stitches, concussions, burns…"
Jon's nodding. "Oh. Yeah. Probably not. But it's been more than a year now, right?"
"More than a year, or maybe two days, depends on how you want to look at it. Before last week, it was… Maybe…" He's looking at his hands, remembering hitting the walls in his office so hard he broke them when he was screaming because Rey had been in his arms, warm and close and naked, and then she wasn't. "Sixteen months? Eighteen? A while."
"Okay. Well, uh, yeah. Every year." He thinks about it for a moment. "I know Rey's got all the light Force stuff, but…"
Kylo inclines his head. "Yeah. I'll mention it to her." He's already starting to feel ready for that nap, and a quick check of the chrono tells him he's been up for two hours. "Okay, before I fall asleep, business." He glances to C8 and waves him closer. "What happened with the two of you? Rey didn't exactly say, but…"
C8 explains his side, while Jon leans back in his chair and sips his tea. Kylo listens, nods, and then says, to Jon, "I am really, truly sorry about that. I…"
"Didn't think you needed to explicitly give the order," Jon's saying, nodding along. "Speaking of which, resume recording, C8."
The droid nods.
"And yes, we figured that out. Rey made sure I was covered."
"Okay." Kylo turns to C8. "And, you got Rey an ID and set her up as a Citizen of the Order and…"
"I gave her access equal to yours, Master."
Jon looks shocked at that.
"Okay, good. Does Jon have that level of access?"
"No."
"Kinear and Schiff?"
"No."
"All right. As of right now, I want Jon to have the same level of access that I do. If he and Rey decide that I am not fit to rule, bump Kinear and Schiff up to that level, while I'm out of it."
"Noted," C8 replies.
"Good."
"Kylo," Jon says, voice nervous.
"Look, I know Kinear and Schiff are very good at what they do. More than that, I respect them. And I trust them, to be themselves, which isn't the same thing as I trust them to be good for me. I do trust you to be good for me."
"I… thank you."
"I should have done that earlier. Okay, now tell me how many assholes I need to kill."
Jon slumps into his chair. He sighs. "I was sort of hoping that that bit might have flown past you."
Kylo just stares at him. "Rey hasn't given me the blow by blow details, yet, and I'm doing my best not to press or demand the holos."
Jon sighs again, and then says, "They're an honor culture, and a patriarchy, so if you request K'Oanan show up so you can shove a saber through his balls or whatever, they'll deliver him, and likely hold him in place for you if you request it. Though it will greatly reduce the chances of them renewing the contract with us in ten years. Now, K'Ahuana was more or less behaved, until the end, and-"
Kylo's just staring at him, horrified. "I didn't… I mean… Yes, I want to, but… They'd really just deliver him?"
"Yes. Again, they might quibble if you asked for K'Ahuana as well. But, as codified in their laws and their culture, if you go to their palace and hunt down the boys, they will not complain."
There's a second where Kylo's thinking about how wildly satisfying that would be.
And there's a second where he's feeling how sad Rey was at the idea of everyone on Niima being dead.
Then he sighs.
"I don't really want to do it."
Jon raises an eyebrow at him. And he understands that means, Don't lie to me.
"Fine. Rey would really appreciate me not doing it, so I didn't intend to actually do it."
"Oh." Jon pauses. "Good?" He pauses again. "You're saying no, but you look serious about doing it."
"I'm serious in the sense that it's a currently ongoing fantasy that I'm enjoying immensely, but if I indulge in it too much, it annoys Rey, but… They really wouldn't be bothered?"
"I mean… Personally, yes, I assume his family would prefer you didn't murder him." He makes a dismissive noise. "Murder is the wrong word. You can't murder someone if it's not illegal, and what you want to do would be completely allowable in their culture. Politically, if you want to, you've got every right to take him out. That's how they play the game there, and… honestly, it would likely win you some more status points, though that I'm a little less sure of."
Kylo raises an eyebrow. He doesn't have to say explain more.
"You're the man who has a woman who can drop both of their princes. They've been learning to fight since they started walking. If even your ladycan do that, what the fuck can you do? It's possible you've already got all the status points, so…"
"Ah…" Kylo rolls his eyes a bit. "I take it you guys didn't mention she can and has dropped me, too?"
Jon's voice is dry as he says, "Yeah, somehow that didn't manage to come up."
Kylo snerks a little. He sighs again. "I've got Rey's sense of it. And my own reaction to how it felt to her, but… That might be touchy for us. How far out of line was this guy?"
Jon exhales. He knows this isn't as touchy for him as it is for Kylo, but he certainly didn't enjoy watching it. "Again, K'Ahuana is a different story, but for K'Oanan, literally no one in his culture will blink if you castrate him and stuff his balls down his throat to choke on them. And, honestly, most of the men around here who saw it, won't, either. He fucking stood there and licked Rey. And then there was the fight." Jon rubs his eyes. "I thought… At first… He was maybe just being… twenty-two. Something of a hypersexual jerk. Then we got to the fight. The only reason I didn't shoot his ass is I didn't have a blaster, and I had the feeling that it was important for Rey to handle it. I'm certain Poe would tell you the same thing."
"So, it was more than, she just didn't like it?"
"I thought the guy was dangerous. Rey thought he was, too. So did Poe. Take that for what it's worth. What I don't know is if he was the kind of guy who doesn't know how to handle being told no, so he turned mean in the moment, because he was horribly embarrassed and angry, or if he's an actual sociopath. I was the only one who only observed him. I didn't personally interact with him."
Kylo thinks about that for a moment. If Rey and Poe thought this guy was dangerous, that likely means he is. "Do I want to see the footage?"
"Given what you know now, how much of a struggle is not killing this guy?"
"Sort of like an itch I can't quite reach. It's not unbearable, but I don't like it."
"And… uh… how bad is not knowing, exactly, what happened?"
"I'm not loving that, either."
"So, I'm not going to say you can't see the footage, or read the reports, or whatever, but… You might find it a lot easier not to."
Kylo nods. "How about this, how badly did Rey damage him?"
That gets a wide grin off of Jon. "Three cracked ribs, a lot of bone bruises, and she shattered his wrist. Every bone in it was shards after that hit. He left here with his right hand and forearm in a suspension cage in a bacta tube."
That gets a smile out of Kylo.
Jon glances to C8. "Stop recording."
Kylo raises an eyebrow.
"The man's a righty, and she took out his right wrist. I don't know how much company he's got at home, but if it's not a lot, he's in no position to do for himself, likely for a few weeks, given how badly she fucked over his wrist."
Kylo does laugh at that.
When he's done, C8 says, "Should I just not record whenever you two start talking about sex?"
"Good plan," Kylo replies.
Jon nods. "Uh… sex, personal stuff, non-Order related business…"
"Would it be easier if, when it's just the two of you, that I keep conversations in short term storage, while you're having them, and set up a blanket do-not-record, and if you don't tell me you want it permanent, I erase it after twenty-four hours?"
"That would make a lot of sense, C8," Kylo says. "I have a feeling most of them don't need to be kept forever."
"Noted. In fact…" He heads toward the door. "I have a feeling that now would be a good time to go pick up more datapads."
"That would be an excellent plan," Jon replies.
"And maybe some lunch," Kylo glances at Jon.
He shakes his head. "I'm going to have to get back to work soon."
"Just for me. Okay, other than the fact that the one Prince was… an issue, how did it go?"
Jon grins. "Really well. Sneaking a warrior queen into your place was a little rocky at first, but once we got things going… Rey did great. The K'Aar was very impressed with her. They approved our solution. We've gotten the first payment of 5%, and we're getting people into play and ready to move out.
"I understand K'Ahuana will have a coronation in the next six months. You and Rey will very likely be invited to that, and if so, I'd certainly suggest attending. Likewise, Rey has offered that if you two ever get around to a wedding, that you will be inviting them, as well."
A small, very dark smile spreads across Kylo's face. "So, you're saying, I'll likely have a chance to talk to K'Oanan."
"Uh… Yes."
"Good."
"You're going to literally scare the shit out of him, aren't you?"
"And I'm going to enjoy it intensely." That smile just gets wider and darker.
"Ah."
"So, what else happened?"
Jon blinks. Well… If anyone currently on this ship will know… And… rather than re-reading the damn note for the seventh time, maybe it'd be good to just make sure he actually knows what he thinks he knows. Jon nods, and then pauses, and then decides he might as well just do it. "Tell me about Poe."
Kylo blinks. He wasn't expecting that shift of conversation. He'd been expecting more about… treaties or something. He also doesn't know what Jon wants to know. Jon appears to be under the impression that he's said something common and extremely telling, but Kylo's just staring. Finally he says, "Tell you what about Poe? Didn't you spend like three days with him?"
Jon sighs. This time when he thinks fucking Luke Skywalker it's a lot quieter. "Which would be why I'm asking. Is he 'verse or narrow, and if he's narrow, narrow for what?"
Kylo blinks again. It's abundantly clear that Jon knows what he's talking about. From the feel of it and context it's some sort of sex question, but… He's got no clue. More fucking Luke Skywalker.
Jon slumps. It's clear that Kylo's bewildered, but he's reading the bewilderment as Kylo just doesn't know the answer to the question, as opposed to he doesn't know what the question means.
Fortunately, Kylo can feel why Jon's slumping, so he says, "Uh… I know it's a sex question, because I can feel it off you, but… I don't know what you're asking."
Jon unslumps and rolls his eyes. "If I ever meet Luke Skywalker, I'm smacking him upside the back of the head."
Kylo grins at that mental image. "Luke would likely duck. He's good at that. Plus, he's dead, so if he didn't, your hand would go straight through. But I'd enjoy watching you try."
Jon rubs his forehead. "Fucking Luke Skywalker."
Kylo nods.
"'Verse, narrow… means nothing to you?"
"A small chunk of poetry and not wide, that's obviously not what you're asking me, though."
"Well, that's pretty much where I was when my mom got done talking to me. Brent did a lot better."
"Brent?"
"Tasha's husband. I was four when they got married, so he's halfway between my big brother and step-dad."
Kylo fits that into his mental picture of Jon's life and then says, "And unlike your Mom, he's in possession of all of the equipment and is a bit more familiar with how having it works?"
"Yeah. Plus he'd apparently decided sometime around his and my sister's third anniversary that there was no shot in hell of turning me into a proper, upright paragon of Imperial virtue, so he wasn't trying to do that with said chat. Like he said when I was fourteen, 'Look, I've known you since you were two, figured out you were something of a floof by the time you were seven, so let's just chuck what your Mum had to say and start fresh…' Anyway," Jon sighs. "Luke apparently left this out: 'Verse, as in diverse, as in your sexual interests are diverse. You like men and women, you like other species, you like-"
"I'm grasping the concept."
"Narrow. You only like one thing."
Kylo nods. "Makes sense. Uh… Luke… He told me a lot about how wanting things was a problem, and the most basic, mechanical, up, in-out, and done description of how sex worked on a physical level, a bit about how it wasn't forbidden, but one needed complete mastery and devotion to the light to be able to indulge without tempting the dark, and nothing on the idea that not everyone wants the same thing, or that there are options."
"Ah." Jon looks mildly disgusted. "That's pretty similar to how my mom told it, too."
"Yeah, but your mom was trying to shape you. I'm honestly not sure if Luke knew there were options. Actually, looking back on it, I kind of think Luke may have been asexual. That or he was off the charts good at shielding. Fifteen years with him, and I'm good at feeling what's around me, especially if I spend most of my waking hours with the person, and not so much as a single stray thought. If he was ever thinking about sex, it was hidden."
Jon contemplates that. His lips purse, because now he's wondering how many of his own stray thoughts Kylo might have caught. Then he rapidly decides that if Kylo's caught them, he's done a good job of pretending he didn't, and he's not about to tip over that perfectly balanced upside down pyramid.
Kylo, who had gotten a sense of what's going on in Jon's head, decides to continue not tipping over the upside down pyramid, and says, "Would that be narrow?"
"That's an entirely different scale."
Kylo's look indicates tell me more.
"All or none."
"And all would be those first couple years after your shaft wakes up and it wants everything all the time and the damn thing never goes soft?"
"Pretty much."
Kylo decides that also makes a lot of sense to him, and that it's probably time to answer Jon's question. "I don't know if Poe is narrow or 'verse or… whatever. We haven't talked about this. He and Rey have, so I know he has sex with men, but I don't know if it's only men, occasionally men, or what." Kylo pauses for a second. "Rey said it like, 'You know Poe likes men,' which, at the time, I didn't, so... That's what you want to know, right?"
Jon nods. He's quiet for a moment, and the rush of excitement Kylo was expecting from Jon at hearing that doesn't materialize.
Kylo raises an eyebrow. "I was expecting you to be more enthusiastic about that."
Jon's quiet for another moment. "I was, too."
Kylo cocks his head, feeling, and thinking. "Are you… okay?"
"I really don't know."
Kylo really doesn't know what to do with this. "Uh…"
Jon waves it away. "I know you'd like to help, but you don't know how to do it, and I'm not sure what I need right now, either."
"Okay. I… you feel confused and… almost disappointed… and confused about being disappointed, and-"
"Stop, okay?"
"Stopping. Just… sometimes it helps to say it, right?" He's sure Jon said that to him, or at least thought it very clearly, once.
"Yeah, sometimes it does. However, it's generally useful because it requires the person feeling the emotions sort them out and decide what they are. You banging about in my head and telling me what you think I'm feeling does not have that effect."
"Oh." Kylo looks at the floor. Then he reaches out and just holds Jon's hand. Jon gives him a little squeeze, and a pat, and Kylo understands that as a let go gesture, so he does. Kylo swallows. "If… you get to the point where you do want someone to listen to you talk…"
Jon nods. "I know how to reach you." He looks at Kylo more carefully. "And you look ready for another nap."
Kylo rolls his eyes but goes along with the subject change. "Eat first. This… I hate this." He gestures to the piles of datapads. Just the idea of moving them feels exhausting. "This should not be work."
Jon nods. "You still want to do that film thing? See a bunch of Handsome Princes princing-about with their ladies? Seems like the kind of thing that'd be easy as a way to get back to being Master Ren."
Kylo thinks about that. "Just sit there and watch stories?"
"Eating snacks that are stupidly fattening is often part of it, too."
Kylo inclines his head. "I've been told that's a good plan, too."
"It is." It's clear that Jon hasn't missed how much weight Kylo's lost. "We were planning on doing it for tomorrow anyway, so…"
"Yeah. Sure. Tomorrow."
"Good." Jon stands up. "Okay, I'm going to go meet with Threepio. We're talking about moving the whole diplomacy branch down here."
"Here?"
"Not, literally here. But XX, YY, ZZ."
"That makes a lot of sense."
"Yeah, get everything centralized."
"Good."
Lunch. That's good. Nap, that's good, too, though he's annoyed that he needs one. Attempting to work out, that was… depressing, and he's not going to say anything else about that, and then back to his desk for more datapads.
"C8."
"Sir?"
"Why the hell are there so many of them?"
"I'm assuming you mean on a level beyond, 'You were sick for eleven days?'"
"Yes. Most of these have, what? Three files on them. I know I've got one that holds literally billions of files, so…" He's holding the current one in his hands, and it looks identical to his main one, which holds entire libraries full of datapads worth of information.
"Security, sir. They could just send the files directly to your main pad. But by putting it on a clean pad, making sure only your fingermark-retina can open it, and having a droid directly walk it to me, there's no way for anyone other than you to read it."
Kylo looks at what has to be, literally, a thousand data pads on his conference table. "There's got to be a better way."
"Would you like me to put investigating that onto the to-do list?"
"Yeah. Rumor has it we employ slicers, get some of them on this. I don't need a stack of datapads half as tall as I am piling up every single day."
He glances at his next report, it's on tax evasion techniques in their occupied territories. "And I really don't need absolute top security for things like this. Send out a memo letting them know that unless people are going to literally die if whatever it is ends up in the wrong hands, they can just send a copy to me."
"Done, sir."
He's tired. And hungry. And pulling on an extra sweater, and his cowl, because right now, Kylo doesn't care how cold home is, he wants to be there.
Bundled up, dinner in hand, he's porting, and… home.
Alone right now. He gets a feel for Rey. Just like he's going through his backlog, she and the rest of the Maji are going through theirs. Unfortunately, for them, the backlog is a billion kilos of snow.
For once, he's not feeling any disappointment on being on the outside. Not shoveling the snow that's choking their street isn't bothering him at all. (Though he does make a mental note to see if they've got any sort of device that does something like that, and then he'll see if Poe's willing to fetch it home, because he knows that no one on shoveling duty is enjoying it.)
He's just turning on the cooker, when he feels Rey think, How are we set for dinner for three?
Poe joining us?
That's the plan.
He looks at the plates in his hands. Small for three.
There are cookies in the cooler.
It'll work, then.
Good, and Poe's going to bring something, too.
A few minutes later, after Kylo's got supper on three plates instead of two, and settled in the cooker to stay warm, Rey and Poe appear in his living room.
He kisses Rey, hugs her for a moment, and can feel her think Long day?
It shouldn't have been, but…
You're healing.
Yeah, spiffy. He nuzzles against her hair, and she holds him a little tighter.
He can hear Poe moving around, pulling out the plates, putting something on the table. And after a moment, he lets go of Rey, and says, "Hey, Poe."
"Hey, back. I get you probably wanted a night just with Rey, so I won't barge in, too much, just…"
"Just?" Rey asks.
"I want to borrow your man for some guy talk," Poe says. "After dinner."
Both Rey and Kylo look confused by this.
Poe snerks at them. "We'll gossip, and I'll braid his hair."
Kylo knows he's being teased, but he says, "No," nonetheless.
Poe winks. "Nah, mostly I want to question him about Jon, but… I mean, if you want to stick around Rey, that's fine, but he knows Jon better, and this one looks like he could do with some practice when it comes to friendly one-on-one social situations, so…"
Rey waves that off. "After dinner, go, have some guy talk."
"And," he opens a bottle of something, and pours it for the three of them, "during dinner, I figured he, and you, might like to hear about how much ass you kicked and how awesomely the Maji stepped up and took charge while Mr. Chosen One was flat on his ass with Hiffa." Poe smiles a bit at that, and well, Kylo really wouldn't mind hearing Poe's version of how it went/looked.
"And thus, asses were kicked, hearts were broken, treaties signed, and according to Jon, in the next few days 400 million credits should be heading your way. It was, without a doubt, the most entertaining three days I've had in months, and possibly years," Poe says as he's rounding out their conversation as they tidy up after dinner.
Rey's staring at him, on the verge of dropping the plate she's putting back. "Four hundred million?"
"Yeah. It was a ten year, eight billion dollar contract, and that's the first five percent. The rest get paid biannually, right?"
Kylo shrugs. "I don't handle that part. Apparently, on this one, I didn't handle anything, but… About the time the first draft of the contract got written up, I was out of it."
Rey's staring at both of them. "Eight billion credits? They put me in charge of an eight billion credit…" She's very clearly going over every single moment of the entire three days and whimpering at every decision she made.
Poe squeezes her shoulder. After, that's when the nerves set in. This is exactly how it works for him with a fight, too. "You did great, Rey. They liked what you gave them. I caught the K'Aar before they left in the morning, and he was very pleased by the whole thing."
"Including me breaking his grandson's wrist?"
Poe smiles. "Especially that part. I got the sense that he's under the impression that K'Oanan could have used a bit more telling 'No' in the past, and he's grateful you told him 'No' without killing him. It's clear he's hoping that he can use that to shape a 'valuable lesson' and get that kid pointed right before he goes really wrong."
Rey sighs. "Me, too." She shakes her head. "Eight billion credits." Her eyes are narrowed. "Jon told you that, and not me."
"Well, I did ask. Did you?"
"No."
"I don't think he was keeping secrets. He was just really stretched."
"Oh."
Poe looks to Kylo. "So, did she do you proud?"
It's clear to Kylo that part of Poe being here, right now, and doing this, is to hammer home that he needs to do some serious praising and petting, because Rey was out on a ledge all by herself and she didn't much like it.
Kylo realizes he didn't specifically say it, either. He knows she felt how pleased he was, but that's not the same thing.
He steps closer to her, cuddles her against his chest, his lips on her forehead. You, really, absolutely, did. I love you. And I love that you did that. And I know you did better with it than I could have. Thank you. He kisses her forehead, and her lips. Then, without looking away from Rey, he says to Poe, "More proud than you can imagine, and more proud than I thought I was capable of feeling."
"Good." He puts the last plate away while they snuggle. "Okay, enough of that. Guy talk. Back at my place, because you don't have anything real to drink here."
Kylo lets go of Rey, kisses her one last time. She smirks a bit at him, and then raises a brow to Poe.
Poe looks up at Kylo. "Let's get porting. Not having to walk in this cold is really convenient."
Kylo rolls his eyes a bit. "I thought the idea of porting bothered you."
"That was twenty-five degrees ago. Right now, I don't want to freeze my nards off." He extends his hand.
Kylo inclines his head a bit, Poe's certainly not wrong about that, and grabs Poe's hand.
A heartbeat later, Poe opens the hatch to his ship, and a moment after that, they're in his galley. "It's too late for coffee, for me, unless I'm going to put some booze in it. So, what do you want?"
"What do you generally drink this late?" Kylo asks, sliding into one of the booths at Poe's table.
"Tea or whiskey."
"Tea."
Poe nods and gets to it. He pours himself tea (hot this time) with a slug of whiskey in it, and the scoots in across from Kylo, setting the cups in front of them. "Do you drink alcohol? I don't think I've ever seen you do it. Your mom could really put it away, though."
"Rarely. I don't really like how it tastes. Sometimes it's good in other things. And Jon'll carefully measure some out for me if he wants me calmer than I'd otherwise be in a social situation." He takes a sip of the tea. Again, it's… fine. Coffee is better, but he knows why Poe doesn't drink it this late, and he really doesn't need that either.
Poe's got his hands cupped around his mug, letting the heat of the drink seep into his hands. "You know, I wouldn't mind the Supremacy's climate control right now. Micah's rated to -550, but I swear I can feel the chill."
"Warmer here than our place." He's actually thinking about taking the cowl off, because it is warmer in here than in their place.
"Because your place isn't rated to -550."
"It's not that cold out there."
"I know. I think it might be the sound of it. We can hear the wind and the storm."
Kylo inclines his head and sips his tea. Friendly social situations, okay. He's not sure how long they're supposed to sit here and talk about the weather. The memory of Poe saying, 'So who talks now?' goes flashing through his head. "So, Jon…"
"Tell me about Jon."
Kylo's feeling pretty good about that, because this time, he knows how to respond. "He's 'verse and likes you, a lot."
Poe proceeds to rip the rug out from under Kylo's feet. "I know that. Everyone knows that. His fish know that. You do not need to be an accomplished reader of body language or Force sensitive to figure that out."
Kylo glares at him. "Then what do you want to know?"
"How's he doing?"
"Can't you just comm him and ask. Or go visit? He'd probably like that." Probably. Or maybe be confused by it. Either way, it wouldn't involve Poe staring at Kylo looking for… something.
Poe sighs, again. "I'm not asking did he have a good day today. And I'm not asking if he wants to fuck me. I'd hope he had a good day, and I know he wants to fuck me. Bigger picture, how is Jon?"
Kylo blinks. "What the hell happened the last time the two of you got together? He's asking me if you're interested in men, and you want to know how he is."
Poe smiles at that, pleased to see that Jon's interest survived his hangover. "He got drunk. I didn't. And when he metaphorically crawled into my lap, I gently removed him from it, and walked away."
"Why would you do that?" Kylo's stunned, and it's clear to him now why Jon was asking if Poe actually likes men.
"I'm asking myself that every bloody day," Poe mutters. Then, full voice, he says to Kylo, "Because I don't know how he is, and I… want this to work, so… What's going on with him?"
Kylo's staring at Poe, and Poe can feel him start to rummage through his head, trying to figure out what the hell he means by how is Jon?
"Stop that. Ask for clarification."
"I don't know what you mean by how is Jon. It's obvious there's some specific information you're looking for, but I don't know what it is, and my first guesses were wrong."
Poe sort of shrugs. "Is he okay? I mean… In general."
"In general… I… Think so. I mean… Why are you asking? What's got you thinking to ask this? Not because he wants to have sex with you, right?"
Poe snorts a laugh at that. "Not because he wants to have sex with me. My estimation of a person goes up when they want to have sex with me. Shows they've got good taste."
Kylo snerks a bit at that. Then he just looks at Poe.
"Because I want to have sex with him, and then sleep with him, and probably wake up with him, and maybe do the whole get breakfast thing, and then keep doing it, and… If he's who I think he may be, then maybe do it for the rest of our lives."
Kylo sips his tea. "You know, this sounds like it's got a really obvious answer that doesn't involve talking to me."
Poe rolls his eyes. "Not everyone has a Force-ordained soulmate that the universe decided to drop in our laps, you know? Some of us have to actually plan this stuff out and work at it."
Kylo takes another drink, and says, "Fine. I still don't know what, exactly, it is you want to know."
"Lane died."
Kylo nods. "He told you about that?"
"He did." He glares at Kylo. And then kicks him, not gently, but not with any real force, under the table. It's clear he's annoyed, and not really attacking, so Kylo doesn't smack him back and into next week. "Oh, and speaking of things I shouldn't have been walking into blind. You know what would have been nice to get a heads up on?" Kylo winces. "The only saving grace on that is that I'm not personally responsible for the man's death." Another sigh. And it's clear that Poe's thinking but I could have been. "But, even if he didn't tell me, the man lives in the home they shared, is still wearing his marriage band, there are pictures up all over the place, and… How is Jon?"
Kylo nods. "In relation to Lane?"
"And everything else, too. He's seeing people again, right?"
Kylo thinks for a moment. "Seeing is relationship-y things, not just fucking, right?"
Fucking Luke.
"Okay, first of all, in my defense, you thought that very loudly. Second of all, as a general principal, yes, always. Third, were you and Jon talking about me with each other?"
That gets an amused look out of Poe. "Yes."
"And about Luke?"
"About the things you should have been taught young, but weren't." Poe gets up, he holds up one finger, and heads to his room. A moment later, he's back with a tube of… something, that he hands to Kylo. And Kylo's just staring at it. "Rub a little of it under your arms after you get out of the shower. Get your stones too if you're going to be doing something really hot and sweaty later that day. Just a dab on your fingertip, you don't need too much."
For a long moment Kylo's just dumbfounded, staring at Poe like he's gone beyond insane.
Poe shakes his head. "One of the things Fucking Luke should have taught you, but didn't. Like, yes, seeing people, is code for relationship-y things, not just fucking. Can he have a decent conversation with someone, often involving meals, fuck them, then a good cuddle, and do it again, on a somewhat regular basis? Preferably without getting scared or feeling guilty about stabbing his memory of his husband in the back. Meanwhile," he touches the tube, "This is one of them, too. Deodorant. Most adults, especially male ones, use it. It helps us not smell like death warmed over if we're doing hot, sweaty things."
Now Kylo's staring at the tube. "It's unscented." By which he means he doesn't understand how it can work, but that's not how Poe understands his comment.
"Yeah. I prefer unscented. I still want to smell like me, or whatever cologne I might wear. I don't want to smell like me working hard all day without deodorant."
"Uh… Okay… Do I… normally smell okay?"
Poe shrugs. He leans a little closer to Kylo and sniffs. "Right now you're fine. And, I've never really noticed, which is a good sign that you're likely usually okay. A lot of guys you can smell from the other side of the room if they don't use this. But, I never spend any time with you after a workout. And Jon noticed so…"
Kylo glares at the tube. "And this is… basic hygiene that pretty much everyone else in the galaxy knows?"
Poe inclines his head a bit, and then gets just about knocked back by the force of how Kylo thinks Fucking Luke.
"Yeah. Okay. Back to Jon. I know he's fucking. Is or has he been seeing anyone?"
Kylo thinks about every conversation he's had with Jon. "Uh… I mean. I know he's had the one friend, but… I think she's actually a friend. If it's more than that, I think it's more of a hobby than a romance."
Poe nods. "Lots of casual sex?"
"Maybe? I'm not sure what counts as a lot."
"More than one new person a week?"
"I don't keep track of him that closely. Would three in one party be a lot?" Kylo pauses as he feels the wave of shock crash off of Poe. "Don't answer that. I can feel it coming off of you. I think he works really hard, and then parties just as hard."
"Drinking a lot?"
"Again, I don't have a good map of a lot. I know he drinks more than I do. I think he drinks more than you do."
Poe sighs and looks at his cup of doctored tea. "If he's drinking more than I do, that's a lot."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Maybe. It can be. Any other drugs?"
Kylo almost shrugs, and then he remembers. "He's mentioned using stims. I didn't know he was doing that until he was so worked out he needed to crash in my bed."
"That's too much. Anything else? Self-destructive behavior?"
Kylo's about to say no, but then he remembers Jon's appallingly stupid comment. "Sex with strangers without a slick."
Poe full-body cringes, writhing at the idea of that.
"It's that bad?" Kylo had the idea it wasn't smart, but… He's getting a very strong PAIN response off of Poe.
"Sex without slick hurts. So, he's either getting off on receiving or giving a lot of pain." That's a layer of fucked up that Poe hadn't even begun to think of, but maybe Jon meant that comment about smacking people. Shit.
Kylo recoils at the feel of everything going through Poe right now. "Uh…" He knows they can't be talking about the same thing. "I think it feels better without."
"You fuck women. You don't need slick. It's built in for them."
He rubs his forehead. "Okay, I know we're not talking about the same thing." He thinks for a moment and finds non-slang words. "Prophylactic sheath."
Jon relaxes, fast, at that. "Oh... Rubbers. You call rubbers slick?"
"A slick, or slicks, yeah. At least in the First Order. Not like I knew any other slang for them before I got on the Finalizer."
Poe nods at that. "Lube. I'm talking about lube. And… uh… For men, sex without lube, that's a really bad sign. You can really rip a guy up if you don't use lube, and it's going to hurt you, too."
That makes Kylo squirm uncomfortably. He knows that burn from one, well-oiled finger, with Rey. Trying it dry sounds bad to him, too. "Sex without a sheath?"
"I mean, that's not good, but it's not the same level of not good. Sometimes that's just drunk and stupid and horny." Poe just looks at Kylo.
Kylo rolls his eyes. "Speaking of fucking Luke until this afternoon, I didn't know it was a requirement for anything besides preventing pregnancy, so…"
"Yeah, a lot of us have some variation on that theme. File it under young and stupid. That said, it's one thing to decide 'I want this to feel even better, fuck the consequence' and it's another to decide, 'Hey, I'll go away from this bleeding, likely end up with a nasty infection, and possibly have sphincter control issues after, or do that to someone else.'"
That's a bit more graphic than Kylo was expecting, but he's understanding that full-body cringe now. "Okay, yeah. Got it. Stupid and lonely, not damaging himself or someone else." Though as he's saying that, he's less sure. Plague zone. But Poe's already moving on.
"What's he do on his off time?"
Kylo shrugs. "I… don't know. I mean… We're not swimming in off time, you know?"
"Look, even enlisted get eight off a cycle, and two days per ten fully off. That was true under Snoke. If Finn got that sort of off time, you guys have to have some, too."
Kylo blinks and sighs. "Not that I'd ever noticed."
"Great." It's clear that Poe's thinking what's the point of being the boss if you're never off, but he doesn't say it. "You've never seen him at a good time party, have you?"
"No."
"Okay. Works too much when he's on… Just forget I asked that. You've got no map for that, either."
Kylo's looking very deeply disturbed. "Poe, is Jon okay? I… He's not cutting himself or anyone else. He's not picking fights so other people will hurt him. He doesn't break things when he's frustrated. He's not… I don't feel black and red pouring off of him. Sluggish blue-gray sometimes. There are no sharp edges or knives on him."
Poe sighs, and rests a hand on Kylo's. "I forget that your map of okay is so far away from a normal person's that you just can't accurately judge. Yeah, I mean, all of that is possible for not okay but that's not what I'm thinking of for Jon." He sighs. "Light side not okay."
Kylo smirks, but it's not a pleased or happy gesture. "Light siders are always okay."
"Shit! You're sarcastic sometimes."
"Yeah, well, my map of okay starts at apparently the far edges of your map of not okay, so…"
"I know, buddy, I know." He doesn't think fucking Luke quite so loudly this time. "And, to answer your question of why I removed Jon from my lap, it's that… Shit. I like him. In a way I haven't liked anyone for a long time. You can feel that off me, right?"
"Yes. It's all warm pinks and golds, content and pleased. Eager."
"Good. But… I'm at least attempting to learn from past mistakes."
Kylo's curious about that.
"I'm really good at falling for guys who aren't good for me, or would be, if they suddenly decided to start sleeping with other men, but that's just not going to happen."
A vivid image of Finn pops into Poe's mind, and Kylo does his best to pretend he didn't notice it. "Oh."
"So, here's this little ball of perfect wrapped in golden skin and hair, with big blue eyes, and fuck me lips, and for once, he appears to be a decent man and likes fucking men. He's the whole fucking package, okay? Except, you know, he's still wearing his marriage band, and has all the pictures of his husband up, and…" Poe grits his teeth. "So, I want it to work this time, which makes me think that I need him to be okay before we can get this thing going."
"Oh."
"Because, I'm not ever going to be Lane, you know? And if he's looking for a Substitute Lane, I'm gonna be a shitty one. I need him to be looking for a Genuine Poe."
That makes a lot of sense to Kylo. He couldn't be what Rey needed, not while she was still looking for Ben.
"And, I've got the feeling that maybe he's not in deep mourning, not anymore, but he's still in mourning, and he's not okay yet, and honestly, he's not even wearing what most people would consider a particularly good okay-mask, and until he's at least in the neighborhood of being able to see okay, I've got to sit on my hands and wait for him."
Kylo sighs at that. He's quiet for a moment. And then he says, "Rey left me. Twice. I wasn't okay enough for her either of those times. Granted, they were less than a week apart, but… Really, the second one was the one that mattered. I'd killed Snoke, and turned to her, and begged her to rule the galaxy with me, and she more or less knocked me out and sprinted away, because not only was I not in the neighborhood of being able to see okay, I also couldn't have located it with a map and a team of trained navigators."
"Smart woman."
"Yeah. Granted, I wanted to kill her and everyone else because of it, but…"
Poe nods at that, too. "Yeah. That's pretty common. Hurts like fuck when someone you want rejects you."
"So…"
Poe shakes his head. "Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how to thread the needle of making sure he knows I'm interested in him and want to be with him, while also giving him enough room to grieve and get on an even keel."
"Better you than me." Kylo's quiet for a moment after that, too. Then he says, "When he asked about you, and I told him that you liked men, he seemed… almost disappointed."
"Could be a lot of reasons for that. Among others, thinking I'd just kicked him to the side."
Kylo shakes his head. "It was internal to him." He cocks his head. "Just… I guess I'm saying I think you're on the right path by giving him more time."
"Yeah. Why does the right path always suck?"
Kylo smirks at that. "Because the Light writes the rules, and we keep trying to shove ourselves into it, with… varying results."
"Amen to that." Poe's turn to be quiet. "Jon's light?"
"Is that not clear to you?"
"I can't pick up on other people's Force signatures. Wait… Is Jon Force sensitive?"
"His mom is, a little. He's… just immensely good at reading people."
"Yeah. And wildly attractive to them."
"Probably." Kylo's shrug indicates that he's aware of the fact that there are ideals of male beauty, and Jon's got a lot of them. "He's… deep and still. Calming. You feel that when you're near him, right? He walks in the room and you feel… better?"
"Yeah. And he's good with empathy and caring about people and… Light."
"Light."
Poe fiddles with his drink a bit. "Speaking of that… Finn… Dark, light? Where the hell is he on the scale?"
Kylo shrugs. "If he was a Force sensitive, I'd have a better feel for it. Rose is light. That's really clear. Paige is, too. She's just a cuddly bundle of bright, eager glowing."
Poe raises an eyebrow at him. Then he says dryly, "Paige is a sweetheart, but, I think that's more you wanting a kid of your own than a genuine read on her." Granted, it's possible that since he spent a good thirty-five hours with Paige and Chewie, where she was not having a great day (they brought her back to mommy and daddy with a new tooth) his view on the subject may be skewed.
Kylo's not on any level fussed by that. "I like being near her."
"Good. Finn?"
"If you asked me to bet, I'd say fairly-well-balanced leaning dark, or just over the line dark, but I don't actually know. Why?"
"You and Rey are dark and light. Jon and I are light and dark. Sometimes I wonder how far the Force is jerking us around, and if they're also part of this balance idea."
Kylo shrugs. "I personally believe there is no end to the amount of jerking people around the Force is willing to do, so sticking yet another dark/light mirror here wouldn't shock me at all. Why?"
Poe fiddles with his mug. "Just thinking about it, I guess."
Kylo nods. "Has Rey or Jon told you about the Handsome Prince and His Lady thing?"
Poe just stares at him, and then snorts a sharp laugh.
Kylo doesn't laugh back.
"Oh, fuck. You're serious, aren't you?"
"I've been told it might be a good way to… build an image to encourage other people to join us."
Poe collapses against the seat's backrest and just laughs. After a moment, where he can feel the eye rolling aimed at him, he stops. "It's not you… Not… just you. I mean some of that's you, but… Shit, your Mom would die if she knew about this. She hated being Princess Leia. She used it when she needed it, but, just the idea of it irked her."
"Probably part of why she was willing to throw it away for me. Without mentioning it, let alone asking my opinion on the matter."
Poe can feel the heat in that sentence. He holds up his hands in a peace gesture. "So, you're not asking me about how to handsome prince, right?"
"No. Though… shit… If there's a book or something, on basic how to not offend people just by existing…"
"Just look up male grooming in your library. There'll be stuff. Or… I mean, I can't imagine there isn't somewhere you can get it done on your ship. I'm sure Jon knows where you can get a scrubbed end to end, buffed, shaved, waxed, and trimmed."
It's clear Kylo's not only not entirely sure what Poe means by that, but he's also not interested in diving in any deeper. "Good. Okay. No, I wasn't asking for help or your opinion on the subject, what I was going to say, is that part of learning how this works and looks is that, tomorrow, with Jon and most of the kids, we'll be watching some movies involving Handsome Princes 'princing about' as he put it, and if you wanted to come along, and maybe see for yourself how Jon is, and spend some time with him, we're just going to be sitting around watching movies, so…"
Poe nods. "Any other day, I'd take you up on that, but I've actually got a lead on a new Force sensitive. There's an acrobat on Gilieans VII, and I'm going to go see if she's just really good with hiding the stand, has a mini-field generator, or if she genuinely can levitate."
"Oh. Excellent."
"Don't get too excited. Gilieans VII is a backwater. The kind of place where less than one in a million people even know a field generator is a thing, so... A lot of the time I get a lead somewhere like this, it's just a con, where the conman has better tech than the locals know exists. I don't even mention them ahead of time anymore, because most of them are scams, but… I've got tickets to her show, so that's where I've got to be tomorrow. If you guys do movie day again, sure, that'd be fun."
"If we do it again, I'll give you a heads up. And, one day soon, I'm going to track down something that removes snow from streets. If you feel like fetching it home..."
Poe nods. "Thanks. Let me know when you've got that. I know R2's going to want a lift back soon, too. Get that all in one sweep."
Kylo looks at his empty cup. "Are we… done?"
"Yeah, go back to your sweetie." It almost feels like Poe's done, but then he says, "And get her a nice present when you're feeling up to wandering around more than twenty-five meters at a go. That was a fuck ton of responsibility that got dropped on her out of nowhere and she absolutely killed it, so bend the fuck over backwards to make her feel good about it, okay?"
Kylo nods, thinking about what he could possibly do to say thank you for that, and ports back to Rey.