Paris is so incredibly beautiful at night. Luminous lights glittering from the street, the light, happy chatter drifting from restaurants and shops. The darkness of the sky holding dazzling, shining stars that look like small, intricate gemstones.

Within all this light, all this beauty, all this wonder, sits a darkness. Where eyes do not see, lies the pain that hurts the most.

He's been standing there for an hour. It looks like it's a long, long way down. A long fall. It looks almost blurry, almost like his vision has glitched and he's left with the remains of what was.

He has to stop running. He has to stop. Lately, he's just been ignoring it all, running away. But it never goes away. It's always there, right there, next to him, taunting him. It's always there. Always.

This needed to stop. All of it. It all needed to stop. It was too much. He couldn't take it anymore, this was all too much and it was breaking him. He needed to get away from it all, to get away from her-

He's been losing everyone because he keeps pushing them away, far away, and ever so slowly, he's been losing himself too. He doesn't know who he is anymore. He's lost himself. He's already gone.

He's getting closer and closer, closer to the edge, closer to the end. It feels like freedom. It feels like safety. He knows he should be scared, he knows it's wrong, so very wrong, but it is all he can do. He has to stop running. He has to leave, to get out of there before his thoughts, his own mind, devoured any piece of himself he had left. He can't do it anymore. For so long he's been hurting. He's been broken, like shards of shattered glass, so dangerous, even when broken. Still beautiful, nonetheless.

"Chat Noir?"

He doesn't turn.

"What are you-"

He's free.

He's falling.

And now he's gone.

It's all gone.

It all happened too fast for him to register. He had just been strolling around for his usual patrol and had seen a dark figure atop the Eiffel Tower.

Curious and concerned, he had gotten closer, slowing his footsteps to make sure they weren't audible. Pulling a strand of green hair behind his ear, he squints into the darkness. He can't figure out who it is, it was way too dark and the city lights weren't as luminous there. He manages to suppress a shocked gasp as he steps forward, realising who it was.

Then he makes a mistake.

"Chat Noir?"

Then he was gone.

It was like one moment, who he assumed was Chat Noir, was there, right in front of him and he blinked and when he had opened eyes again, he found that nothing was there. He was too late. It was too late. With shaking legs, he had ran to the ledge and frantically leaped over without looking.

He grabbed the masked superhero of destruction close to his body and twisted the turquoise bracelet around his wrist.

God it was so close. So, so close. He was almost too late, too slow. What was he meant to do now?

What was he going to do?

He wasn't free. Not yet. Trapped, still trapped. Encased in these thoughts, in his mind with all these demons. He didn't want to open his eyes. If he does, it would mean he isn't safe. He wasn't able to get away. He's still trapped inside himself, inside his head, so lost, so lost. He couldn't get away.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, something he hoped he never would have had to do again.

"Adrien?"

There's that voice again.

Adrien's throat is suddenly painfully dry. "Luka,"

"How?" He asks, voice cold and quiet. He tries to keep his voice calm and steady, but his body is trembling so much that his voice betrays him and breaks.

Luka stands up from across the room and takes a few steps towards the bed. "What?"

Adrien can feel the blood rush through his veins, his face heating up in anger and frustration. "How could you stop me? How could you do that to me?"

Luka's face is an expression of concern and confusion. "What are you-"

"I was so close!" Adrien screams, and Luka's glad his room has noise cancelling walls. "I was almost there!"

Luka winces slightly at the desperation in the other boy's voice. He forces himself to stay calm and to keep his own voice steady. "Adrien, what are you talking about?"

Adrien can feel a sob build up in his chest. It's painful. "I let everyone down. Fuck, I can't even kill myself properly!"

Luka visibly flinches, twisting his fingers together to stop his hands from trembling as badly.

"I want to die," Adrien yells. "I want all of this to be over, I'm so fucking sick and tired of all of it! I hate that you saved me, fucking hate it, I wish that you'd have let me fall, I wish I was dead!"

Luka hesitantly takes a step forward. "Adrien-"

"No," Adrien backs up against the wall, eyes wide with terror and pain. "Shut up, just shut up! Don't come near me"

Luka stops. "Let me help you"

"You can't help me! No one can. Don't you see?" He asks bitterly. "You saved me, but I'm still dead. I'm dead Luka, I'm fucking dead!"

Luka feels his chest tighten as Adrien repeats the word "dead", over and over again as he falls to the floor, sobbing.

"I don't deserve to be here! All I do is fuck things up, all I do is let people down and disappoint them and-"

"Stop it!" Luka yells, silencing Adrien immediately. He walks over to where Adrien is curled up against the wall and sits on the floor beside him.

"Stop it," He repeats, this time more gentle. "Please"

Adrien's heavy, frantic breathing is all that can be heard.

"I want to help you, Adrien," Luka says carefully. "Please don't do this to yourself"

Adrien is silent. His hands are shaking violently. Tears are cascading down his face as he harshly wipes them away.

"You can't save me," He says, barely audible. "You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own"

"Yeah," Luka admits, talking slowly. "You're right, I don't. How could I, if you don't tell me?"

"What difference would it make?"

"It makes a difference to me," Luka says, voice low and gentle. "Please. Please, Adrien. Talk to me"

Silence passes through the dark room. It's almost eerie, but at the same time, strangely comforting.

Luka could feel his heartbeat, thudding in his chest. A small, but unbearable sinking feeling settles in his heart as he shuffles softly, getting uncomfortable amidst the silence.

"Please," He begs softly. "Tell me the truth, what's going on?"

Adrien staring into the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. "The truth doesn't make it all okay"

"It can make it better. You don't have to talk about it if it bothers you," Luka says softly. "I just thought it would help if you-"

"What do you know? Huh? What do you know about all of this? All of me? Do you understand how it feels to be constantly drowning in my own mind and if I don't catch my breath soon, I'll burn up and blow away and lose myself? You can never get away from yourself. You can never decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head, the noise, the voices are always there and they're taunting and laughing and it's impossible for me to live like this! I've always got this burning sensation tearing through my body and it breaks every part of me, everyday. There's always this heavy feeling, pulling at my heart and dragging me down every single time I lay down to sleep and stare into the darkness, and I hate it, I hate all of it! All I want is to feel okay again, to be okay again, but I can't, I just can't because everything is too much for me to take. I hate how whenever I try to open up, people always tell me how grateful I should be, to be a model, to live in a mansion, to be famous, but I honestly would give it all up in a heartbeat just to feel okay again. People say they care, but they don't, not enough, not really. All I want is to be okay again. That's all I want. I just want to be okay, Luka. Why can't I?"

Luka's throat is dry. He flinches every time Adrien's voice breaks because there's so much pain and bitterness in every word.

"Why can't I?" Adrien slowly repeats again, desperately.

"I...," Luka closes his eyes. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Adrien, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know"

Another silence passes, but this time comfort can't be found within it, only a deep, sorrowful pain.

"I wish I could make things better for you," Luka whispers, lightly breaking the silence. "I'm so, so sorry that I can't"

"It's fine," Adrien mutters back, pretending that the words were true. "It's fine"

Luka trembles, unable to keep himself composed. He was no good with words, nothing he could say would provide any comfort to Adrien. But it tore him apart to see Adrien like this, so lost and so broken.

Adrien was still curled up in a stiff position, chin resting on his knees, the neckline of his white shirt stained with salty tears.

Carefully and wordlessly, the cyan haired boy shuffles closer and slowly wraps his arms around Adrien, who doesn't seem to refuse. He lays his head gently against Luka's chest and closes his eyes, listening to the steady heartbeat.

It reminds him of the way his mother would care for him and look after him when he got upset when he was younger. She was always able to take care of him and comfort him, no matter what had happened.

"Please tell me what's wrong, sweetheart. We'll make it better together, I promise"

She would pick him up and cradle him in her arms softly as the thought of whatever was upsetting him left his mind whilst he listened to the steady, soft beating of her heart. And each night, she would visit his room and kiss him on the forehead, promising beautiful dreams and a restful sleep.

Whilst he has his mind focused on the reassuring sound of Luka's beating heart, for a moment, for a second, for the first time since his mother had died, Adrien felt okay.

"Where are you going?" Juleka asks, watching her older brother tie his shoelaces.

"I'm going to visit Adrien" Luka explains, pulling a green jacket over his shoulders.

Juleka grabs the house keys and tosses them over to Luka. "Why, what's the occasion?"

"I'm going to tell him how I feel about him," Luka says, slowly. "I've been meaning to tell him for a while"

Juleka tilts her head and glances at him. "You really couldn't dress up any better?"

He laughs gently. "It's fine, Adrien won't mind. I'll see you later, tell mum I should be back in a few hours"

Juleka nods and waves as Luka walks out of his home, climbs onto the deck and starts walking.

"Hey, Mr G," Luka greets, seeing the bodyguard by the gates. "How are you?"

The tall man replies with a grunt and a small smile, getting into his car.

Luka passes the gates, trying to plan everything in his head. He was definitely nervous, what was he going to say?

"Hey Adrien," Luka greets, bright smile plastered across his face. "I have something I need to tell you"

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before reopening them, exhaling slowly.

"I'm not sure how to say this, because as you know, I've never been good with my words. So I'll just say it. I love you, Adrien. You're like a beautiful melody that's always playing inside my head, indescribable and unique, and it makes me feel so joyful. Whenever I think about you, I always end up smiling. All my songs link back to you, my darling. I love you now, and I'll always love you. You make my heart warm and whenever I feel upset, the thought of you always makes me happy, always fills my body with warmth and the feeling of safety"

Tears are filling his eyes.

"I care about you so, so much Adrien and I really, truly love you more than words could ever possibly describe."

He's beginning to sob.

Adrien Agreste

2004-2020

Caring friend

Talented son

Beloved superhero of Paris

He falls to his knees, fingers digging into the ground.

"And I miss you, so badly. I wish you were here, with me, and could always be with me so I could just hold you and tell you that everything will be okay, because I'll have you and you'll have me. I write songs about you everyday, because that's the only way I can keep you alive by my side, that's the only place where you can exist with me. That's the only place where I don't have to pretend I'm okay, I can be free to admit that I'm not over you, that I'll probably never be because God, I truly love you with all my heart and soul and I wish I could have saved you, Adrien. Every night I'm so afraid that if I'll stop thinking about you, I'll forget you, and you'll be nothing be a memory, and the very thought of that hurts me, so, so much. How could I let us go? How could I let you go? I miss you, Adrien, I miss you. I miss seeing you smile, hearing you laugh. I miss seeing your eyes, because they were my favourite colour. I miss hearing your voice. I miss the warmth of your body"

His hands are shaking so badly.

"Sometimes I think I see you in the strangest of places, in the train stations, in restaurants, everywhere. And for that moment, that one second, I'm filled with this...this overwhelming hope, that you're okay and you're not buried six feet underground. I get the feeling of hope that makes me think that you're okay, and that you're still here, with me, by my side. I get this pain in my heart that I wish I could let go, but how could I? If I let the pain go, I'd be letting go of all our memories together, all the things we did and the things we said. I can't lose all of that. It's all I have left. Of you. It's all I have left, Adrien. I used to stay up at night and just beg, beg you to come back. I used to scream until I wore myself to pieces. I tried to make myself think that it was all just a bad dream, a nightmare. I tried to imagine how happy you are, now that you're finally free, but it doesn't cover up the fact that I lost you, and you're gone. Jules and mum had been slipping sleeping pills into my drinks, and I've been pretending not to notice. I hate going to sleep. Right before I fall asleep, I think of you and everything we had. When I wake up, it's the stupid hope again, I fucking forget it, just for a moment. Then I remember that you're gone, and that you'll never come back and it breaks me. I tried to be angry at you, for leaving. But I just can't. My anger and frustration is always being overpowered by the hurt and the agony inside me. It's like someone grabbed me and hurts me, over and over again but I can't feel it because my body is already so numb and broken because I don't have you anymore. I miss you. I miss you so much Adrien, and everyday is killing me. Everyday. I'm scared that one day, it won't hurt me anymore because that'll mean that I've stopped caring, and I never, never want that to happen. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."

Luka places a small, singular sunflower in front of the headstone, roughly wiping his tears away.

"And earlier, I realised that I never said goodbye. I never had the chance to"

He stands up, facing the grave with new tears, falling down his face like rain falling in a storm.

"So this is my goodbye, Adrien. I miss you more than anything but this is goodbye because I know however much I miss you, I won't be able to bring you back. I love you, more than words can describe. As long as there are stars in the sky, I will always love you, and that's something that no one will he able to change"

Luka knows his voice is trembling, but he can't steady it.

"Goodbye, Adrien Agreste. I love you, and always will. You're gone, but you'll always be here, in my heart and soul. I love you."

He begins to stumble a few steps back, because he knows if he doesn't leave now, he'll stay here forvever.

"Goodbye, my love"