2/13/2

Jon and Rey begin the trek to his office. "So, how terrified was he?"

Rey doesn't quite understand what Jon's asking. "I don't think he was terrified. I mean, it is kind of nerve-wracking to keep track of that many kids in that big of a crowd, especially if you've never done anything like that before."

Jon opens and closes his mouth. Kylo with Rugh on his shoulders makes a lot more sense if that was part of kiddo control. "I suppose that's something of an answer. I was talking about his reaction to the Handsome Princes. I assume if he'd spiked a true fear reaction, you'd have felt it."

"Oh, yeah. In a heartbeat. Especially that close. That close, you likely would have, too." She rubs her lips together. To some degree if feels odd to say this to someone else, but… This is Jon. "Inadequate. Ben was… probably supposed to literally be a Handsome Prince of some sort, and, well, he wasn't Ben, so…"

"Ah… Yeah. And you?"

She shrugs a bit, and a sensation of sort of unsettled annoyance washes over Jon.

He nods at that. "Do you want to talk to me about this?"

"I… kind of want to keep thinking about it. There's something… I can feel I'm close to it. Could you hear what K'Ahuana said to me?"

He shakes his head. "The K'Aar said he was trying to get you to agree to leave with him, but, all we could make out of it was him handing you the flower."

She nods. "He… had a few things to say, and I'm still thinking about them."

Jon's eyes almost fall out of his head he's so shocked. He's deeply pleased that they've got a long elevator ride, and they aren't doing this in the middle of the F-Deck. "You're not… leaving… right?"

Rey physically jerks; she's so shocked that he might think that. She's staring at him in abject horror as she stutters, "What?"

"Good. You'd bloody well kill him if you left."

She shoves him. "How could you…"

"I don't know what he said to you. All I know is that he was offering to take you away, and not just for a vacation."

"No. That's not what I mean by thinking…" She just looks at Jon. "How could you even…"

He shrugs a bit at that. "Even good things don't last forever, Rey. And… That's the sort of thing you'd want to think about, for a long time, and not necessarily talk to your husband's closest friend about, you know?"

"I'll take your word for it. And… No. That's, not, at all, the sort of thing I was thinking about."

Jon just looks at her.

Rey sighs. She doesn't exactly want to talk about it, but… The only other people she knows, really knows, and feels even remotely comfortable saying something like this to are Rose and Finn, and… somehow this doesn't feel… right. "What does being married mean to you?"

Jon's eyes narrow. "Yeah, see that's not an even remotely comforting sort of thing to ask when we're talking about pretty boys trying to take you away from home."

Rey shoots him the stink eye, and when someone with Force skills does that, you feel it. Jon blanches at it.

Then she takes his hand, and lets herself feel Kylo. It flows through her, and Jon nods. He knows the feel of that, and even secondhand, knowing it's not his, that the person who felt that way about him is gone now, hurts.

"Yeah. Why would I ever want to walk away from that?"

"Because you're the one with the good sense to leave if you need to. He'll follow you to the end of the galaxy and back, stupid or not. Burn himself out on it if that's what has to happen. He doesn't know when to quit, but you do."

"But I don't need to."

"No, you don't. Okay… So, I don't really understand what you're asking. What did it mean?"

She nods. "It's different than just living together, right?"

Jon shrugs a bit. "Obviously, on a day in and day out sort of way, no. Wake up, get a shower, eat breakfast… It wasn't different after you and Kylo married. Not step by step. Not in any tangible way, right?"

Rey nods at that. "But… It was, too. It… felt different."

Jon nods back. "But it was, too. Under the Empire, Lane and I couldn't have gotten married. And my family, was, mostly, horrified at the idea. You can legally do it on Coruscant, now, because, of course, that was a New Republic hallmark. Any adult could set up any family, anyway they liked. But, back home, you're likely to get a clerk who 'loses' your registration, or 'forgets' to stamp it, or 'accidentally' spells your name wrong, or…"

Rey nods. "Passive resistance."

"Yeah. So, it was different because… Because it was a way to tell my family in specific, and anyone in the universe who disapproved in general, 'fuck you and your ideals, I love this man, we're married.' It was a way to… show it off to everyone. Scream it to the heavens. He was mine and I was his and together we'd made a family." From this breath to my last. He doesn't say his last vow to Lane. Lane's last vow to him. The one that wrapped up all the others in a nice tidy bow. He doesn't need to. Rey feels it.

She nods at him, and gently squeezes his hands.

Jon nods back. "And, of course, unlike just living together… I've got his pension, and next-of-kin rights—"

"Taking over his job when he died?"

And Jon's finally feeling like he's got an idea of what Rey's looking for here. What Lady Ren may be thinking about.

Married in practical terms. Married as rulers. Being the Prince's Lady.

"Uh. Well, first off, no, not exactly. Lane was in charge of Tactical Design, but he wasn't a designer. He started out in logistics, and… No one talks about that, but it's a big job. And it's one of those jobs, that if done right, no one notices, and if done wrong, everything grinds to a halt. He'd been off doing Shipping Logistics, and got that beaten into shape, they promoted him to Major and tossed him over to TD.

"We were limping along. My Captain was an Imperial hold over, probably there because there were no jobs in any sort of military design for ex-Imperials. He hadn't had a new idea in thirty years, hadn't had a good one in forty, and didn't have a handle on where everything was at any given time."

"And that's a problem," Rey says.

"It really is. You can't make armor if you don't know where your plate is, and it's really difficult to send your men out to fight if they don't have armor because it didn't get delivered properly."

"So, Lane's job was making sure you had what you needed to do your job and then it went to the right places?"

"Yeah. And my job was… well, I was supposed to just be looking for ways to cut costs, which wasn't difficult because we were using designs that had been cutting edge back in the days of the Empire, but hadn't advanced from there, and… The First Order wasn't exactly swimming in guys who could design anything that wasn't a weapon, so… That's what I did. Started basic, re-doing the clothing under the armor, stupid basic things like cutting seams a little narrower, or arranging the patterns so you get more uniform out of each piece of fabric, and went on from there." He shakes his head a little. "Why hire a dress designer to work on uniforms and armor? Because a dress designer, one who works with fabrics that cost tens of thousands of credits per meter, knows how to cut a pattern to get every last square centimeter of that fabric into play, and make the bloody fucking seams match."

Rey smiles at that.

"And when he died…" He glances at Rey, wondering for a moment if she knows how Lane died. He hasn't spoken with her about this, before, and it's the kind of thing Kylo might not have thought to mention. She nods for him to keep going on, so either Kylo did mention it, or she's felt it off of him. "No one cared if TD was up and running. Not for… months. Who cares about socks if you've got a gaping hole in your ship and half of your men are dead? But… I mean. That was the job. And…" He bites his lip. "When search and rescue was done… I needed something to do, and… Between StarKiller and here," It's clear from the look on her face that she doesn't get why he's mentioning StarKiller. "We were in the process of moving most of the operations functions of the First Order to StarKiller. In a week we lost that and a third of the men who were still on the Supremacy. We also lost the entirety of the part of the First Order that was in charge of making stuff to keep everyone in stuff. My whole command chain was gone. There were something like twenty-six ranks above me one week, and then I was the senior commander the next. Didn't have much to command, though, most of my co-workers and most of my underlings were gone as well."

"But you rebuilt it."

"Smaller, sleeker, better. I hate to say it, but… We had a lot of people who hadn't had a new idea in decades, and suddenly they were gone and I didn't have to deal with them any more. But, I'm a designer. I'm not a logistical expert. If the tools are in place, I can make anything. I'm less good at making sure all the tools and materials are where I need them. I lucked out, though. Em had a talent for that. And between the two of us we got the production lines up and running again, stole the droids we needed because the rest of manufacturing was just as scattered as we were, and started getting stuff where it needed to go when it needed to get there. Because, trust me, no one cares about socks when there's a huge hole in the ship, but when the hole is more or less patched, and you've got more than two million men, and there have been no new socks for four months, you start to care."

"You asked me once if… this…" she gestures indicating all of the Order, "was just something he did during the day and told me about at dinner."

Jon nods.

"Is that… How things worked for you and Lane?"

"Sometimes. Not always. Weeks could go by without our bumping into each other while on duty, because we'd be doing very different things. For example, back then, I didn't deal with our suppliers. I made stuff, and the stuff that made that stuff just appeared. He dealt with suppliers, making sure that stuff I needed actually showed up. Or we could have days where we worked very closely together. Any new production lines, he had to be right in on that, because that's a lot of getting the right things in the right places at the right times."

Rey digests that for a moment before saying, "Ellie's all in for Kinear's job."

Jon nods at that. "I think that's true. I'm fairly sure he'd say that she's a large part of how he got to where he is."

"Your Mom and Dad?"

"I don't know. She had her own business, which was rare for women on Coruscant. He had his job. I don't know exactly how that worked, though. I wasn't around for their marriage. Never saw any of it firsthand.

"I did see the start of a lot of marriages. Lots of Ladies. Most of the women we worked for, they understood that they'd put their lives into the service of making the family great." He thinks about it for a moment. "It's not… Ellie is all in for Pat's job. It's, at least this is the way the ladies understood it, it's that the job is making sure the family is as wealthy and powerful as possible, and both of them together, divide and conquer to do that."

Rey nods. "And you and Lane?"

Jon shrugs a bit. "Biological reality. There was never going to be a generation that followed after us, so… We weren't building up a dynasty. Neither of us needed a sky high rank or the ability to shift the tides of wars by a few whispered words. Just doing our own thing, and making sure there was enough for us to be comfortable with each other. Pat and Ellie… I think they're trying to make sure that a million generations of Kinears are secure. I know my mom is trying to do that for us. She's set the business up that there's always something for us to go back to if we need it. For my nieces, too."

Rey nods at that, too. "Thanks."

"Does that help?"

"Some."

They're half way to Jon's office when he says, "You mind if I ask why you want to know what I think being married means?"

"No, but it's still part of what I'm pondering and… Part of being the Prince's Lady, and… It's just, a lot. And left to my own devices, I don't make decisions… or changes fast, so…"

"So, I'll let you think."

Another hundred meters down the hallway. Rey's looking at office after office, well, from here it's just doors with numbers and letters on them. "Part of being a lightsider is that it's easy to get stuck. Light nurtures, it cherishes, it holds on… doesn't rip things up and pull them apart and move onto something new. Not easy."

She's watching Jon, fairly sure he's got more than a bit of empathy for that.

"You said I'm the one with the good sense to leave… I don't know if that's true. I'm the one who spent a decade on a planet, begging for people to come back to me, people who I knew never could or would return. But the lie was comfortable, and the rut I'd carved for myself was deep, and… It took a lot to get me out of it, and more to keep me from going back.

"Kylo set his old life on fire, broke away from it, and then did it again."

"You left him, he told me that."

She nods. "Twice. Both times because I was needed to protect something else. The second time because… He asked me to join him, rule, but at that point all he wanted to rule was ash. Burn the Resistance, the First Order, the Jedi, the Sith, everything."

"And the dark revels in destruction."

Rey nods. "And that was enough to move me to another new path."

"What path are you on now, Mistress Rey?" His voice is light, but the question is serious.

"That's the question now, isn't it?"

"And do the paths have to diverge? Can you be Order and Maji… Light and Dark… at once?"

"I don't know." She sighs. "That's the idea of balance, what I'm teaching the kids. Find the spot between the light and the dark, the point where you can take in both, and stand, secure and stable."

"Easier said than done, isn't it?"

She nods.

It's a door. A lot like all of the other doors on this hallway. Right before he opens it, Jon says, "Okay, we're about to walk into chaos. I just want you to remember this is A: the back door to TD. Normally, we'd go in through the shops, but this trip is long enough without wading through my… Em's production lines. B: this is organized chaos. We don't get to unorganized chaos until we get to my office, okay?"

Rey nods. "Okay."

Jon opens the door, and… Rey just stares. She's never seen so many… Things, all stuffed into one place. There are fabrics, metal samples, design specs, a half-dozen droids working on… prototypes maybe, there are data pads galore, and in the middle of that is a desk with a dark haired, dark skinned woman, looking down at something she's working on.

She says to Jon, not looking up, "Hey, Boss, got a new update on short, dark, and handsome?"

Jon smiles at her. She's still not looking at him. He glances to Rey, and grins huge at her.

"Nah, here to raid my own stuff. Got to find some vids for the Master. I'm showing off New Republic propaganda."

She's still looking at her pad, sketching something on it. "He hasn't seen it?"

"Apparently, not."

"Holy Ilona, was that man raised in a cave?" She's starting to look up. "What are yo—" Her voice stops dead as she sees who's standing next to Jon.

Rey watches all of the blood drain from the woman's dark features, and then she goes leaping to attention, "Lady Ren, I—"

Jon's laughing, loudly at that.

Rey decides to smile. "Monastery. I understand there were caves, but they didn't live in them."

Jon steps forward, nudging Rey along with him, and suggesting non-verbally that she offer her hand. She does.

"Rey, this is my second in command, right hand woman, and most of all, friend, Colonel Emily Furman. Em, this is Mistress of the Maji, Rey."

For a moment, it's clear that Emily isn't sure if she should shake Rey's hand, or bow, or salute, or curtsy.

"The handshake will do. Jon's mentioned you a few times."

"Kindly, I've mentioned you, kindly," Jon adds.

Emily stares for another second, and then in a rush, grasps Rey's hand. "Lady Ren."

"Rey. I generally go by Rey."

"Yes, Mistress."

"Or you can call me Mistress Rey, whichever."

Emily's standing there, looking frozen, not sure what to do next. "I… didn't mean, it… About the caves… Uh…"

"It's fine. You weren't expecting anyone other than Jon to be here. And I understand that pretty much everyone who grew up anywhere approaching 'civilization' would have seen these. Kylo didn't, nor did I, so… We're learning."

Emily nods, looking off foot. She's glancing at Jon like she wants to smack him for doing this to her, and he's grinning away as he leads Rey toward his office.

Once they get into his office he says, "All, right this is disorganized chaos."

Rey just blinks. Looking at this, she could see there was some sort of system in Emily's office. This is just… Boggling. In addition to everything (minus the droids) that Emily had in her office, there are books about ship design, pictures of palaces, even more datapads, a library on costume design, more pictures Rey doesn't even know why Jon's got some of them, because they aren't as well as she can tell, pictures of things, they're mostly just colors, maybe just because they're pretty, and yet more pads, and…

"How do you find anything in here?"

"I've got almost perfect visual recall if I'm paying attention. And when I put something down in here, I'm paying attention."

A person pops a head into Jon's office. "Grand Marshall," this one sees Rey, and also snaps to attention.

"Mistress Ren, this is R4-6837, my secretary."

Rey shakes his hand, and he shivers at the touch. Not in a bad way, just overwhelmed by the idea that Mistress Ren is standing in front of him.

"News?" Jon asks, as he continues to move through his office picking up data pads.

"Uh. No, not really, sir. Just checking. I'd let everyone know you'd be out today, so if anything's come in it's gone directly to your pad."

"Okay, good. General Threepio is supposed to be sending me the full specs for the Diplomacy division. He tells me that physical plant has sent back the first round of revisions, so I need to see that."

"Yes, sir. If he has, it went straight to your personal pad. Shall I inquire?"

"No. He's the most reliable officer on this ship when it comes to getting things done. I'll check when I get time."

"Yes, sir. Do you want an update on tomorrow?"

"It's in my calendar, right?"

"Yes."

"We're good."

The secretary, who looks like he wants to offer to find something for Jon, but knows he's not going to do it, withdraws back into his part of the office.

Jon pulls out a pad that looks like every other pad, and turns it on. He smiles. "Here we go. Propaganda so sweet it'll rot your teeth."

Rey just stares at him.

Jon inclines his head at her. "You'll see, or at least he will. It's… so perfect it's cloying. Especially if it's not the team you were rooting for."

Rey nods at that, too. "Why do you have it, then?"

"Aesthetics, and it's easier to tie into people's ideals if you know what they are. If it was just me for me, I wouldn't have anything to do with this. I had to watch most of it in school, and had a hard time then, but… They were good at it, and I'm not so stuck up as to refuse to learn from people who knew what they were doing."

"And they knew."

"You'll see. If you got these as a child, well, as child who didn't grow up in my home, or if you'd been a supporter of the Rebellion or New Republic, you'd like them. They'd shape your ideals of who your guys were and who they were fighting and why they were destined to win and… Like I said, you'll see."

"I'll see, then."

Em's out of her "Lady Ren is in my office, oh holy shit, now what" stupor by the time Jon's heading them back out.

She's also, and Rey can feel it, really looking at her, now. Seeing the actual woman, under or behind the image.

"Did you get the Battle of Endor?" she asks Jon, glancing at the pads in his hands.

"Em…"

"Look, I know, but it's the best one of the bunch of them, so…"

Jon sighs. He knows that, too. As an adult, and one who knows how making things look good works, he knows it's good propaganda. But he's also still the child who had to sit in school and watch a holo in which his father was blown to bits, and watch it as a celebration in which the bad guys were massacred, deservedly. The first time, he sat through it. Every time after that, he got genuinely sick to his stomach, and was able to 'go rest' in the nurse's office. "I'll mention it and they can look it up later."

"Okay." She smiles to Rey. "I know it's a tender spot for him, but, really of all the propaganda pieces, the Battle of Endor is the one you want to see. It's, not just good propaganda, but it's a good story, too."

Rey nods at that. She can see how Jon responded to it, and she wonders if Kylo will want to see his parents and uncle in the battle that made them heroes. "I'll make sure we check it out."

"Do." It's clear Em has no idea why Rey, or by extension, Kylo might not want to watch that one, either. "And… uh… If you ever want to talk about why it's good propaganda, I studied film before coming here, so… This is sort of in my wheelhouse."

Rey blinks at that. "You can study… film?"

"Sure. In the core, you can find somewhere that teaches anything. I studied film, how to make movies, how to use cameras, costume design. That's how I ended up here."

"You went from Costume Design to the First Order?"

Em smiles a little, and dryly says, "There were a few steps, and possibly a few bad decisions, and a worse relationship or two along the way."

"She got stars in her eyes and followed a scumbag here. Tested well, and then ended up in my division."

"Got the stars out of my eyes less than a month in, and decided that this was interesting, so I stuck around."

Rey's not sure what to do with the idea that the First Order was interesting. That's certainly not the first word she would come up with to describe it.

"And there wasn't much back home for you, either," Jon adds, because he knows that people who joined, and think the First Order were the good guys are going to be a bit much for Rey to swallow.

"True. I had useful work here. There, I had working in a café, trying to get a job doing anything even remotely like what I'd trained for."

"Were you from an Imperial family?"

Em's eyes light as she recognizes why Rey's asking that. "Oh, no. Nothing like Jon's untouchable status. For me, it was just a matter of it's a really tight field and a lot of people want into it. Like… You go into accounting or something, and there are billions of jobs out there for accountants. But if you go into film, there are billions of people who want to do it, and hundreds of thousands of jobs."

"Oh."

"Yeah. General Hux already had people making films here, though supposedly I was on the list to move into that division if an opening ever showed up, but," she gestures around Tactical Design, "until then, someone who knew how to put a stylish and functional outfit together had things to do here."

Rey nods at that, not sure what to do with it.

Jon saves her. "And we've got to get off if we're going to get back with time to do this before supper."

Em nods, and waves to the door. "See, ya, Boss."

"Bye, Em."

When they're in the hallway, Rey says, "She calls you, Boss?"

"It's a joke. Mostly her way of pointing out that I'm not her boss. Even when I was."

"She doesn't follow your orders?"

He laughs at that. "Once upon a time, she might have. Now, I offer her suggestions and occasionally make requests, and she's usually nice enough to help me out with them. If I actually attempted to flat out order her to do something, I'd likely be sincerely disappointed by the outcome. It goes two ways, though, she knows she can sidle into my office whenever she likes and I'll have time for whatever she needs, too."

Rey smiles at that.

"Yeah. We're friends."

When they're back in Kylo's office, Jon sets up the viewer, so he and Rey can watch, and starts sketching.

"Sit. Watch. When I'm done, you can tell me how close to the real people this is."

Then he gets working on what Kylo actually looks like.

Kylo sits, for a moment. He's been sitting still too long. He paces. That's better. Moving is better. Rey sits. They watch, and… Well… Uh… Yeah. Those are things. Extremely pretty things. Involving very pretty people, some of them pretending to be his family.

And, it's true that his mental image of his parents are people in their mid-thirties, early-forties. And the actors are younger. It's also true that his mental image of Luke is set when he left to join Snoke, so early fifties.

That said, while it's true that Luke made sure they all had their own little cottages, he also wasn't much of a fan of plumbing work, so they had communal showers, which means he's seen every inch of Luke Skywalker there was to see and he did not, ever, look anything like the guy in the movies.

The guy in the movies is tall. Kylo's fairly sure that he could look eye to eye with this actor, and if he wanted to do that with Luke, Luke would have needed to stand on something. He's very blond… And, interspersed with some of the 'recreations' there are bits and pieces of real footage. Apparently, when he was young, Luke was truly blonde. By the time Kylo knew him, his hair was mostly brown and gray. The bright blue eyes are… more blue, brighter, but at least somewhere close to right. The actor has more muscles than Kylo can or wants to count, and is wearing a collection of outfits to show that off. Again, communal showers, so Kylo's seen all of Luke, but he's only seen all of Luke because of those showers, not because Luke ever wore the kind of clothing where you could see more than his arms and his collarbones.

Jedi masters, even Jedi masters working hard in the fields, do not wear shorts and sleeveless shirts. They really do not wear tunics that tie at the side and somehow keep slipping open so more than half a chest is hanging out. At least, not so much as Kylo ever saw. Granted, at Luke's school, on a really brutally hot day, it got to 28, so… some of them would strip down further, but Luke stuck to long trousers and at least a tunic (that closed to the neck). Usually robes, too.

Probably felt cool to him, after growing up on Tattooine. Though Kylo never thought to ask that.

He keeps watching. The biggest difference between the real Luke and the actor is the actor looks like he's not only never had a pimple, but hasn't ever heard about one, either.

He's fucking perfect. Effortlessly perfect.

Luke running as far away as possible to get away from this is making a lot more sense to Kylo. And again, there's a bizarre twinge of something like sympathy for the man, and that makes Kylo uncomfortable.

But that's not for today. Watching, learning, seeing… The difference between the image and the person underneath.

There are more images of his mother. Really her. She seems to be comfortable with cameras on her, so she's giving speeches and rallying people. He knows by the dates on them that some of them are from before he was born, one of the speeches she has to be pregnant with him, and some are after, but he can't see much difference between them.

He spies his father, or at least, the back of a head and shoulders that make him think that's got to be Han, in the back of a few of the later images, and he's doing his best to hide from the cameras. Probably not a terrible idea given how many systems he was wanted in. Just because you're a hero of the Rebellion doesn't mean that the bounty on your head in the Sintiliion system dried up.

In the recreations… Taller, brighter, shinier. They never make the wrong decisions, and always look calm and collected. No one gets nervous, no one sweats, no one grunts, and everyone is always beautiful.

Seeing this actually is helping, some.

In fact, as he watches the different films, it occurs to him that the only one of the actors who looks/feels acts like the real person is whomever they got to be Lando, and well… Lando was Lando. Lando could have just played himself in these vids, and likely the only reason he didn't was he was too busy making sure the Calrissian Corp. was up and thriving.

Lando was warm and charming and good with people, and he successfully ran a huge organization, and…

Kylo purses his lips. Lando was a kind of handsome prince, too. No birthright for it, but if anyone ever did it.

But Lando's dead, and has been for years, and… Well, if he wasn't… Kylo's not sure if Lando would have been willing to sit down and talk with him about how to do this sort of stuff. Not after what he did to Han, but…

He did have a son.

Who also ran screaming away from the family legacy.

So he might not, on sight, loathe him. They got on… okay… back when Lando and Orlac visited. Granted, they were twelve and twenty back then.

And… He and Rey know each other, because that's the way the Force, or his mom, works.

So… Maybe it would be a good plan to have a chat with Orlac sometime about… how to do and be this sort of person.

Kylo sits back down. He's been pacing for about an hour, and his legs are starting to tremble. He sighs. He glances to Rey and wonders if she would consider visiting Lando an appropriate use of their off time. Then he glares. The off time he's burned through for the next three months, and then this would be month four, so month five before they can go do something fun.

He fucking hates being sick.

"Okay Rey, tell me if this is what Kylo looks like."

He can feel the way she smiles at the image. See it on her face, but feel it too. Warm and pleased.

And he just knows there is no possible way the image on that page is going to look anything like him.

Jon hands it over and… This is what the guy they're going to hire to play him if they ever make a movie of this looks like.

"You both like me way too much."

Rey's wondering if this is how it feels to Kylo when she's having one of her "I don't know if I can do this" moments.

It's so blatantly obvious that he looks just fine, better than fine, that… The fact that he can't see the resemblance between the sketch and the face she wakes up next to every morning is staggering to her.

And, glancing at the chrono, it's also something that she's got to put aside for a bit. The kids likely aren't hungry after this afternoon, but they still need some adult around to keep an eye on things, and today, that adult is her, so…

"I've got to head off." She kisses Kylo, squeezes Jon's hand, and then heads off to her own responsibilities.

The kids cook their own evening meal. She's mostly there to make sure it's somewhere in the neighborhood of nutritious, it's cooked properly (no food poisoning), and if anyone gets absent minded with a blade, it gets fixed up, fast.

So, she's mostly, just there. It doesn't require too much effort on the average night. Just needs a warm body in the right place at the right time. (And, if they can get Jacen trained up in basic cut healing, they might start putting him on the rotation, too. He'd probably like another sign of being part of the 'adult' Maji.)

While she's keeping an eye on everything, she's wondering if there's a way she can make Kylo see how he looks to her. She can remember looking at herself through his eyes, and finding it rather disorienting. Plus, it was just a view of her back. She's not sure if she can't offer him a different perspective…

Might be worth a try, later tonight.

Maybe.

The kids are talking about the shows. About who wants to be which hero. Who wants what singing/dancing critter for a pet. Many versions of puppy eyes are being aimed at Rey, suggesting that that was a good learning experience, and that they should really all do that again, soon.

Rey's thinking about weddings, and how to be the Prince's Lady.

She's remembering looking at K'Ahuana as he said, "I would make you a queen."

"I already am one."

Lightlings don't change fast, or easy, but when the ground under her is shifting, solidifying into a new shape, she's got enough… dark… self… sense to know that she's got to move with the changes.

Even if it's not entirely comfortable.

What does the Lady of the Order do?

They never talked about that.

Never talked about what this whole married thing meant, beyond not being alone, not any more.

All of the weddings in the shows had vows, promises made to each other, and the future, at least the sketch of a plan for how to behave, and… He made one to her when he put that ring on her finger, she felt it. I will not be Vader. She knows how hard that was to commit to, the changes necessary to get there, and if she could, she'd tattoo that on her heart and wear it as a badge of pride.

There were later vows, promises to her, and to their future.

That's her sense of what being married is to Kylo. It's the promises he's made and building the life necessary to keep them.

But she didn't make any vows to Kylo.

Not in any formal, or informal sense. No… promises, no… plan for a future.

There was now. The present, and feelings and intentions. A commitment to how she'd treat him. That's certainly true. Kindness, respect, gentleness, the things he didn't get and sorely needed. A home. She's never articulated it, but it's there. She would be his home.

Something, someone, warm and stable and welcoming. A place and person who would always be there for him. Someone for whom he'd always be enough.

Light. She'd be his light.

The balm and space he needed to heal.

But he's moving forward. She gave him what he needed to keep going, keep growing. That's what a light does. And he needed that. He couldn't go forward if all he had under him was ash and black. And now it's her turn. Time to figure out what and who she needs to be, and begin.

Not put a toe in and touch the water.

Not, sort of, kind of, half in, half out…

It's time to leap.

She knows he'll catch her, she's just got to do it.

"Captain, marry us!"

The kids are picking at supper. Mostly cold sandwiches and fruit. A light meal for fairly full tummies.

She's not really paying attention to them. She's seeing that scene again.

It felt real.

Of course, that's the movie that wasn't based on a real story. That's the one that was completely pulled out of the imagination of its writers.

But of all of them, that's the one that felt the most like them. Both of them bouncing back and forth, from side to side as the scenes and needs around them shifted, the one constant, each other.

No matter what, Beth had Bill's back, and vice versa, and that was that.

Another image comes to mind, it's one of the propaganda pieces that Jon was showing them. Leia was giving a speech. Han was hiding in the back, looking bored, trying not to attract attention. Likely the only reason she and Kylo saw him was they were looking for him.

They didn't last twenty years. Didn't end their days watching each other's backs. Didn't pull together to protect their son, and the family they tried to create spun off in three separate directions.

Neither of them could bend, neither could compromise, or meet in the middle.

Find their gray.

Rey takes a deep breath, and lets it out.

Kylo's promised her eleven years, and they're out.

She can do anything for eleven years, including being Mistress Rey of the Order of the Maji.

Granted, it might not be a terrible idea to sit down and actually figure out what Mistress Rey of the Order of the Maji does.

Ellie sitting before them, talking, laying out a plan... "And one day, somehow, you two found each other, and you rescued him from the dark/light/power/corruption… fill in the blank however you like, and together, the two of you are breaking with the past, shattering it, and starting fresh and new. That's the promise of the Order, a fresh start to anyone who wants it, and you two, personally will be the symbol of that. The idea that love frees us from our bonds, gives us the strength to break away from what's dominated us, and then gives us hope to conceptualize a better life, and the will to go get it. That's the fantasy we're going to write up and sell to the entire galaxy, if you two want to claim it.

"And the best way to sell that fantasy, to pick it up and work it for all it's worth, is the biggest, brightest, most lavish wedding anyone's ever seen.

"Spruce this place up, make it glitter, and both of you, inside of it, sparkling away, glowing and lovey the way you were at the Last Night dinner. That gives you plenty of reason to tell the story, more reason to show where the story leads, and it will cement the idea of this as a glittering palace in space, centered on the most fabulous love story ever, where people will come to work with each other, and reach peace and accord. You'll be the living embodiment of conflict turning to love turning to a flourishing society with a vibrant future. We can build this story, and we can sell it, and if you are willing to put yourselves on display like this, we can cement the power of the Order with a minimum of bloodshed."

She'd said that.

The only question was if they'd do it.

Lady Ren, Mistress of the Order of the Maji. Her lord's lady, and a queen in her own right.

And, if Ellie's right, all they need to do to set this in motion, and, for lack of a better word, introduce, both her, and the Order of the Maji, to the galaxy at large, is the ideal of a romance, and huge, beautiful, glittering, wedding, to tie it all up and sell it to the wider world.

And all she's got to do is do it.

She's been in their living room for half a breath when Kylo says, "So, important meaningful conversation is back on the table, isn't it?"

"It's that noticeable?"

"I can almost literally see it glowing off of you."

"All right, then?" There aren't any plates on their table. "Food?"

"After all that popcorn, I'm not really hungry. There are some sandwiches in the cooler if you are."

Rey shakes her head. "Not really."

He's looking at her expectantly, and then gestures for the comfy chair. He settles in, and she comes to cuddle on his lap. Rey can feel him mentally purring at this. Her in his arms, wrapped around her, and in their home, and how right this makes him feel.

This is his leaping off point, the thing/person he needs to go on being him.

He's also being quiet, letting her start this off.

She's not sure where to start, but… At the beginning probably. "When you asked to be my husband, what did that mean to you?"

He blinks. He knows, eventually, where she's going with this, but that's not the route he was expecting her to take.

Kylo holds her a little tighter, and rolls his lips together. Then he shakes his head a little, because it's not a word thing. He can't name it or lay it out. Not in it's entirety. There are pieces that have words, but the whole is beyond them. He can feel it. So he holds her close, and does.

It's this. This moment here, of them together, in their home, working on something bigger than both of them, and it's the past, and the fights to get here, and the changes that made here possible, it's the future and the hopes they'll realize and the ones they won't. It's a… space… for lack of a better word, where they can be themselves, and make each other better. Her light to nurture. His dark to protect. Her light to feed and grow. His dark to shift their path, keep them moving. It's the balance that lets them use both, together, to get somewhere they only have glimpses of, but the hope of something important. It's the life, singular, theirs, that they'll build, and it's the life (lives? Plural? There's a hot, vivid flush of more than one) they'll create. The generations that will follow them.

She nods against his shoulder. That. That's fine. She's good with that. "And what does Lady Ren do?"

He shrugs. "Whatever she wants to."

That gets a little eye roll and a shove. "I'm being serious. What do I… do… as the Prince's Lady? All of those stories were pretty vague about what happens after the vows are said. Even Ellie hasn't gone there. Big, honkin' beautiful wedding wrapped around a pretty love story and gorgeous people. Okay. Sure. Game on, let's do it." She feels him thrill at that. "But… then what? What's your image of Lady Ren lady-renning?"

That gets a long, slow blink.

"Do you want me reading data pads, or going over treaties, or…"

The surge of joy at this is so intense it almost knocks her over. Would have, but he's holding onto her so tightly there's no possible way she could leave his arms.

It takes him a moment to relax his hold on her, and get his voice together. "I would… like that, very much. But… You've got here and the kids and…"

She nods. "I know. It… works in somehow. I can feel that, but I don't know where the balance point is, not yet."

"Okay. I… meant it, whatever you want."

"What do you—" she's about to say want, but she knows what he wants, "need?"

"A partner. I can read datapads as well as anyone can, and that's mostly just… boring. Most of the ones that get to me are informative, letting me know what's going on in the Order. Things I could make decisions about or changes to, but rarely do, because the people who are sending me the reports appear to actually know what they're doing, and I don't. At least, not on most of the things they're sending me reports about. Or, at least, don't know enough about these things to see easy ways to make things better. So, that's… I mean, don't get me wrong, you can read any datapad you can find, I will not mind at all if you help me clear my backlog, but I don't need help with that. It'd just be, nice."

"Okay, so, what does your partner, do?"

"People. Help me with people. I read them well… enough… but they respond differently to you than they do to me, and it's easier to deal with them when you're with me. I feel less nervous about dealing with them when you're around. I know you're nervous about fucking this up for me, but… I'm nervous about that, too." A billion flashes of Ben not being Ben enough for his parents or Luke go flowing through him. The eternal disappointment of people with a vested interest in him doing it right, and him not doing it right.

She squeezes his hands.

"And… I think you'll come up with ways of looking at, and dealing with, things that I won't. I know I would not have come up with that solution to the K'Aran situation. Like Poe, I probably would have settled for the occasional wrong decision is better than no decisions, so…"

"So, formal, face of the Order sorts of things. Alderaan and things like that."

He nods. "Alderaan, and other things where we're supposed to be building connections and working on getting people to work with us." He stops there for a moment, and lets himself feel beyond just the pleasure of this conversation and that she might actually do it.

She catches his Force, and the hints of where it's taking him. An idea of where the balance point may be. What the Maji are, and do, or could do, as part of the Order. It's not an image, though there is a feel, more of her and Jacen, and Savarah, maybe… Cassie… Not all of the Maji, just some of them, maybe… The ones with a touch for it…

But it does involve working with people. With… shaping things and ideas.

The Jedi, for a thousand generations, before the Force got fed up with them and began to go wan and dull, used to be negotiators and mediators. They used to seek accord and help people find places and ways to settle their differences.

"Sorely needed." Rey thinks Kylo's the one who said it, but it also may have been her voice. It doesn't matter, it's true no matter what.

This bit is certainly Kylo, though, "The Order… The idea of it, I hope, is a place where people can come and meet and find accord. Join with us and find the future they want and need. Meet with each other, trade, talk… It's a… haven… where the fact that I've got the biggest fucking guns, and will use them on anyone who tries to break the peace means they can come, be safe and secure in the knowledge that no one will try anything, and find a way to get past their differences."

"But that needs people who are… good at people." It's clear on her face that she's not sure if that's her.

"It doesn't have to be you." They're both thinking of Jacen, who was more or less made for something like that. "But it could be. Or it could be you and I, because together we're better at it, and…"

She's nodding. "And… That's the sort of thing Jon does, and Threepio, and Poe, sort of, and…"

"And this is something we can work with. Something we can build. I know we're starting to get more requests for space, and there are several more deals working their way through the different departments. Eventually, they'll get here, and someone, meaning us, will greet them and try to make sure that the Order can give them what they need."

"A place to find their balance."

"Exactly."

Rey snuggles in against him. Face tucked under his chin, breathing in the scent of his skin and hair. "Did you… change something?"

"Is it bad?"

She sniffs again. "Different. Not bad, but, like you turned the volume down." She gets the sense of a vague sort of annoyance aimed at Jon and Poe, but doesn't poke it.

Kylo says, "We can bump that to later, too."

"Okay. Right. Ellie suggested the way we'd get people was by making a show of this," she gestures meaning them. "And… Okay?"

"Okay." He kisses her forehead. "Be the Handsome Prince," he manages to say it with a straight face, though it's a close one on that, "And his Lady. Make us look like the Fairy Tale, and get them to come, work on the overarching goal, peace, prosperity, and basic sentient dignity business."

"Sure. Just…" She pulls his head down, and kisses him, "One thing. If we're going to do this big, fancy, cinema style love story/wedding, I want something for us. Something small, something private, something just us."

"Just us? And what sort of something?"

The image from the movie with the mid-combat marriage springs to mind. The wedding in that one. "A wedding for us. Us, our friends, this… family we've pulled together. I want it... Somewhere warm, maybe where we can see the ocean."

Kylo's nodding, he can get along with that. "Small, close gathering, no press, no onlookers."

"Yeah. Private, you, me, our loves. The first real wedding of the Maji. We'll do something fancy for show to attract people, but a celebration, a real one for us, too."

Kylo's grinning, liking this. "On a beach, where water meets land, like Finn and Rose… sunrise or sunset… Maji weddings should happen at twilight. Dark and light mixing together."

Rey nods, slowly, at that idea. "Sunset. Torches. At the end of our vows, we light them, and spread the flame to everyone else."

"I can get behind that." Kylo smiles, and stretches at that. "So, you, me, a bit of beach. Maybe a nice dress and whatever it is you like looking at me in, our friends, some good food, and sunset, and firelight…"

"Music, a place to dance, the promises we've made each other, and the ones we intend to keep."

He nuzzles against her temple, tilts her head, catches her lips. "Seal it with a kiss."

"Or two," she says with a smile. "That's what I want. The rest of this… That's a show, that's… the job… and this is a wedding."

He kisses her gently. "Our wedding. This is for us, Rey and Kylo, that's for the Mistress and the Master."

"Yeah."