PublicPrivate

by Keryl Raist

This is the third book in the Tao-of-The-Force-verse series. If you haven't read Tension/Balance or Rumors/Gossip, it's not going to make a lick of sense. If you have... We're starting off right where we left off. The First Year parties are ending, the Order is coming into it's own, and Rey and Kylo...

31. The Talk: Girls

3/10/2

"I'm not saying that it's a bad plan, but… I mean, I don't think spring, let alone summer, or the sort of weather where the beaches here will even be functional is coming up anytime soon," Rose says as she and Rey head from the kitchen to one of the microfarms.

"Yeah, I know," Rey says. The snow's piling up higher and higher. "Have you been anywhere… private… with a good beach? Somewhere we could do this? Somewhere we can just be… Rey and Kylo?" She opens the door to the microfarm, where Magiit and Elias are supposed to be getting some more potatoes for the midday meal, but they're taking advantage of the snow drifts around the farm, which are high enough that anyone walking around can't see through the transsteel walls, and are happily snogging away next to the potatoes instead of digging them out and putting them in a basket so they can eat them.

As soon as the door opens, and they hear Rey's voice trail off, they go springing away from each other like two positive poles of a magnet, followed by Elias then leaping behind Magiit because apparently his shaft is poking out enough it's visible from space. (At least, that's the thought he just sent blasting through the Force. Rey remembers Kylo talking about that, and he really wasn't kidding. Everyone even vaguely Force sensitive just got that, and honestly, she'd be shocked if Rose and Magiit didn't catch it, too. She does her best not to laugh. Though she does, gently, think to him, It's generally not that visible of a problem, especially since you're wearing a coat, standing behind a waist-high trough of potatoes, and Rose and I would both rather rip our eyes out than look.) He creeps out from behind Magiit to beside her, and takes her hand in his.

Rose just grins at them, and then says to the blushing kids, "You're not in trouble, assuming those potatoes get to the kitchen in the next few minutes but, Magiit, maybe you and Cassie and Savarah would swing 'round my place after dinner for a chat."

---

"And I'm over here, why?" Finn says as soon as he steps into Rey and Kylo's cottage, and sees both Kylo and Poe there, along with some food, but only three plates.

Rey's tugging on her jacket. "Because we're having a girls' only talk at your place tonight. So, since Poe was already going to be eating here, you are too."

Finn's staring at Ren, looking deeply nervous at the idea of dinner with him, and then says, "Yeah, but I'm on your side of the wedding, so… I can be part of girls' night, right? I can develop opinions on flowers and dresses." He tries a big smile at that, and it's clear that if the choices are dinner with Ren, or take a deep and active interest in bridal wedding planning, well, just because he's never given a shit about flowers or dresses before doesn't mean he can't do so now.

Rose is rolling her eyes. "Baby, you're colorblind." (Which is A: not strictly true, Finn can see at least some shades of every color, but for every shade he can see, Rose can see about twenty, and B: part of him not having any interest in this sort of stuff. Being raised among the First Order is another, bigger reason.)

Rey laughs at that. "Also, it's not that kind of girls' night." Though it's clear that the idea that there are sides to this wedding thing is just starting to form in her head, and Kylo's looking at little confused by the idea, too. She supposes that, at some point, sitting down with Jon, and likely Mirina and Ellie, and putting this wedding of the Maji and Order thing into play is a plan. "But, you are part of my side, and will certainly be invited to any planning we do."

Since planning isn't getting him out of dinner with Ren, Finn's looking a little less excited, but… He's on Rey's side, so that gets a grin.

Rose nods along with that, kisses her husband, and then drops the bomb. "We caught Magiit and Elias petting in the microfarm. We're chatting with her, Savarah, and Cassie about sex and babies and love and girl stuff. You guys can get the older boys in the next few days."

Rey looks to Kylo. "You were right, a conversation on the care and maintenance of shafts and whatnot does appear to be in order. And we're tossing it to you guys."

There's thirty seconds of stone cold silence and very alarmed facial expressions before Finn and Kylo begin working on outdoing each other on why neither of them is even remotely suitable for this job.

But Poe sits back, and smirks, both at Rey and Rose, and at the guys, before saying, "I've got this, and them." He gestures to the door. "Go, have fun."

On the way out, the guys still squabbling a bit behind them, though Rey smirks brilliantly when she feels how Poe eventually gets both of them on board with this plan, Rose says to her, "You were right?"

"A while back we were talking, and he said it was a good idea to get chatting with the kids about stuff like this, I just don't think he intended to have to be part of the conversation."

Rose looks amused by that. Granted, Kylo and anything involving kids seems to amuse her. "From before we knew who he was?"

"Yeah."

"So, even back then he was… looking out for them?"

"I mentioned Jacen had a crush on Critt, and both of us got talking about if Maji had opinions on sex and stuff, and someone would eventually need to sit them down and talk about… being adults and stuff."

Rose raises an eyebrow at her, cuddling Paige close to her chest as the wind hits them full on. "Well…"

"That's why we're talking during dinner and the girls are coming after?"

"Sounds like the start of a plan."

---

Inside Rose and Finn's cottage is warm, at least compared to outside, and smells like chai spices and the casserole that Rose has had bubbling away, low and slow, in the cooker all day.

Rey inhales deeply. The only downside, according to her, of Kylo bringing food back from the Supremacy is that their house rarely smells like yummy things. Though, as she thinks about it, their place likely smells like coffee, and she just doesn't notice it because she's used to it.

Rose hands Paige over to Rey, who's feeling okay about hanging out with her aunt for a bit, while she pulls the casserole out, and dishes it up for the two of them.

"So, what are we telling them?" Rose asks as she pours drinks. "Other than don't make any babies anytime soon."

"Sound advice."

Rose smirks a bit, and sits down. "For the girls. You and Kylo…"

Rey shrugs a bit at that, while booping Paige's nose with her own. "We want them. And there's… maybe a plan… for them in the next year or so, but… there are complications."

Rose raises an eyebrow. She's eating quickly. Some meals, like today's, can be drippy, and Paige gets irate if she ends up with drops of dinner on her head while nursing with Mama. "Complications? I thought your light would take care of things like that."

Rey blinks. "Uh…" She offers Paige a tiny bite of her own casserole. Paige noms it a little, and then does her best to smear it all over her face.

Rose blinks back, very aware that Rey has no idea what she's talking about. "Some people have a hard time making babies. Did you not know that?"

"I… uh… didn't." Though thinking about it, she assumes some people must. After all, people have problems with everything there is to have problems with, so… "With the exception of the first time, we've always had preventatives, so…" She lets that trail off, but, it's clear that if that's an issue they'll face, it's an issue they've got no way of knowing about, yet. "More like, Han suggested that everything is easier if your home is secure, and ours isn't, not yet, not really, and we're not exactly swimming in free time right now, and…"

Rose listens, nods, finishes up her supper, takes Paige from Rey, settles both of them one of the armchairs, and lifts her shirt so Paige can have her supper too. Paige is significantly more interested in nursing than the casserole.

It's as Paige is getting settled in, that she realizes that she's been around Force sensitives so much that the fact that Han, who's been dead for more than two years now, offering advice doesn't faze her at all, and then gets to the heart of the matter. "Complications. I'll admit, I don't know much about the security stuff, but the rest of it… If you want them, you make the rest of it work. And if you don't, it's an excuse so you don't have to talk about why you don't want them."

That may be a tad closer to the heart of the matter than Rey would like, but… Talking about something like this to someone who isn't Kylo might be a good thing. "He wants them. A lot. I can feel it pulsing through him, and especially when he gets the chance to play with Paige, it just makes him so happy, but…"

"You don't?" The question is half letting Rey talk, half disbelief. If she doesn't want kids, she's done one hell of a job of surrounding herself with them. Including the baby girl currently nursing at her breast, while looking around to see her favorite aunt, and attempting to yank the damn thing half off her chest. She boops Paige, who looks back at her. "Face over here, thank you."

Rey smiles at Paige, and also gives her a nudge back toward facing her mommy. "It's not that I don't, it's that I don't think it's as easy as he seems to think it'll be. Or maybe it's that I'm more afraid of it than he is. Or… You can't miss what you didn't have. He had bits and pieces of it, some of which were really good, and he wants it. He's got a million ways, concrete, specific ways he's going to be better than his parents were. I've got… show up?"

Rose looks down at Paige, and strokes her black curls. "Honestly, show up covers a whole lot of it." Paige is smiling up at her, or at least as well as she can with a nipple in her mouth. "Granted, at this point her needs are fairly simple, but… Show up covers a whole lot of them." She nods to the outside world. "Show up is a lot of what we're doing with them, too."

Rey nods. Hell, show up actually covers a lot of what Ben needed from his parents and didn't get, too. Rey takes a bite of her supper. "This is good."

"Thanks. Mamie's recipe. Or as close as we can get here."

"Mamie was…"

"My dad's mom."

Rey sighs, missing the fact that she never had the chance to have things like family recipes. "So… what did your family do when you got to… petting with boys?"

Rose laughs. "We got to this well before I got petting with a boy. When you'd get to twelve, or your first cycle, whichever came first, your mom and aunts and older sisters would all get together, and it'd be halfway between a party and a lesson, and we'd talk about… everything and anything, and make up menstrual pads."

"Pads? Like… Paige's diapers?"

Rose makes a face. "Actually, yes. No plexicups where I grew up. Any sort of plastic was expensive on Hays Minor. We'd make pads out of scrap fabric. They did look a lot like Paige's nappies, and were just as much fun to deal with. You couldn't get on a suppressor until you'd had a full year of regular cycles, and none of us liked the pads."

"Suppressors?" Rey's looking uncertain. She knows what that word means, but not in relation to this conversation.

Rose is mirroring the look, but not for the same reason, back at Rey. Who doesn't know what a suppressor is? "Didn't you just say you and Kylo use protection?"

"Yes… He got a shot and…"

Rose nods, getting it. "Oh. Yeah. Okay. They make shots for women, too. Get one, and no menstruation for a year."

Rey blinks at that. "No… for a year?"

"Yep, nothing. You can't get pregnant on them. They suggest you take a gap year every five years," she looks down at Paige. "And, especially if you're used to being covered, it's easy to forget to use a backup. But, when you're on them, no babies, no cycles, no flows, no dealing with all the crap that goes with your flow. You basically get to be a guy."

"Are you on one now?"

Rose shakes her head. "They mess up your ability to nurse. Really, it's just like being a guy." She gently strokes her chin. "I don't love my cycle, but I don't mind not having to pluck whiskers."

Rey looks at Paige, and says, "So… Little girl here?"

"Wasn't exactly planned. He had a shot, too, but they wear off after three years, and it's not like the First Order medics were keeping track of his shots anymore, and I wasn't thinking about it because I'm used to being covered, so… Oops." She nuzzles the top of her daughter's head, and then says, "Mommy's favorite surprise."

Rey chuckles at that. "I suppose that's one way to do it. Just… forget."

Rose half inclines her head. "Eh… I mean, there's forgetting and there's forgetting and once you've had this conversation, you can pretty much only do the latter, so…"

Rey rolls her eyes. "Yeah." She sighs, eats a few more bites, and says, "I don't want it to be an accident. I mean… I want us to make a baby, intentionally, but…" It's hard to say things like this to anyone who isn't Kylo, and right now, it's impossible to say to him, because she knows he wants it, and she knows he'll be disappointed, and she knows he'll twist himself into a shape to fit her, like he was doing with her/them hiding, but… She makes herself do it. "It's scary. And I hate being scared, and it's easier to not be scared, and the rest of this… Order stuff is all the scared I can take at one time, so… No babies for now."

"That's fair. But… It's normal to be scared by huge things that change your entire life and upend everything you know. In fact, if that doesn't scare you, it's a pretty good sign that something about you or the situation you're in, isn't right."

Rey pokes at her supper. "I was almost never afraid on Jakku."

Rose knows that isn't true. Even without the Force she can feel that lie, but she can also feel the grain of truth to it, too. But she also knows that right now isn't the time to rip that apart. "Yeah, that's a huge warning sign. It means you've got nothing to lose. Nothing you love." She thinks about that for another moment. "Don't get me wrong, I don't think we should all be roaming around paralyzed by constant terror, but… Fear is the flipside of loving things and people. Because you know you can lose them." She strokes her daughter's face. "One day this will be over. If everything goes perfect, and we make all the right decisions, she's going to grow up and leave us, and we won't see her every day, and she won't sleep snuggled up against my chest, and she'll be out there having a life and adventures and experiences that I won't be part of, won't even know about and… And no matter what, it's going to be scary and hard and… And that's love. Everything we love will, eventually, leave us, and dealing with that without shutting ourselves down or going insane is the hardest thing we'll ever do."

Rey gently squeezes her friend's hand. "Have I ever told you that I think you're what the Light is supposed to be? The Jedi couldn't figure out how to deal with that fear, so they made sure they never loved anything. And that just seems… empty."

Rose smiles bright and happy at that. "Well, if you're right about the Force has a plan and knows what it's doing, which I'm still skeptical about, for the record, then there's a reason I am who I am, and why I'm here, now."

Rey sniggers a little. "Yeah, well, for the record, I'm not one hundred percent sure about that, either, so…"

"So… Girls, coming soon, and filling them in on all things love and sex."

Rey shakes her head. "I read up on the mechanics of it. Once, I got here. I mean, until I was here, I didn't have the time or resources to learn, so… Apparently, it's more complicated than, once a month or so, you bleed."

Rose laughs. "Yeah, it's a tad more complicated than that. But, I'm thinking MX-6 can handle the details on that. We're probably talking more about the ideas and actions of sex. The things a droid can't teach."

Rey smirks a bit as she takes another bite of supper. "First things first, one day, you'll wake up with the sense that there's this… person… out there, somewhere, a boy you've half-dreamed about and…"

"Okay, maybe not that much idea. I don't think we've all got Force-ordained mates lurking about out there, waiting for us to shine some light on his dark ass."

Rey chuckles at that. "I have a feeling we're" she gestures, making it clear she means she and Kylo… "taken to the extreme, but… I do think there's someone out there, maybe not one and only one, but at least a few people we're meant to be with or near or effect somehow."

Rose shrugs. "Maybe. Or maybe we just make the best of what comes our way. Again, I'm skeptical about the whole Force-destiny thing. But, destined or not, we're going to run into a lot of people, and learning how to deal with them matters. And… probably some sort of context beyond, get hot, make babies matters."

Rey's nodding along with that. "Especially since they appear to be getting hot at least a decade before we'd like them making babies."

Rose strokes her daughter's face. "Especially." Then she looks up at Rey. "They? Does that mean you didn't?"

Rey shrugs. "Speaking of complicated… Uh… Kylo's talked about it from his end: constantly, always wanting, and body jumping up at any provocation, and… and I can honestly say nothing like that ever happened to me."

Rose raises an eyebrow. "You didn't have a boy crazy phase?"

"No. I had a boy and girl somewhat interested phase, but never crazy. Just… something nice to fantasize about from time to time."

Rose nods at that, too. "Uh… Yeah, I had… um… maybe three solid years where unless I was actively thinking about something else, with someone else making me think about it, I was daydreaming about boys, and boys touching me, and touching them, and running off to secluded places so we could get naked and… It was pretty intense."

Rey nods. "Yeah. I didn't have that. I'd… maybe when I was cleaning a find or something, gaze at someone, and wonder a bit, but, it wasn't constant or anything."

"No crushes?"

Rey shakes her head. "No." Then she shrugs a bit. "I've been reading, and… uh… long-term hunger can kill sex drive, so… It may have been that I was barely getting enough to eat to keep my body growing, so… No energy to waste on boys or girls."

Rose nods at that, too. "Okay. Yeah, that was before the First Order came, and we were poor, but… There was enough to eat, usually." She shrugs. "No one was fat. Or plump, really. Meals could get pretty skimpy that first month of spring where the gardens weren't producing, yet. But there were meals, plural, every day." She looks at herself. Her body is starting to slim back down again, but every time it looks like she might find her cheekbones again, Finn's shoving food at her, because… he can. Because as long as she's feeding their child, he wants her plump. Because his ideal of a husband (likely learned at Chewie's knee) is very deeply entrenched with providing a home and food and safety for his wife and young. "I'm bigger now than anyone I grew up with. But we weren't starving, or close, not until after the First Order came."

Rey looks at Rose and at Paige. "You were the first visibly pregnant woman I'd ever seen. She's the first baby I've ever really seen. Women at Niima Station… I mean, some of them must have had children, but, I never saw one. Children got brought there from somewhere else. Plutt kept the rations short enough you couldn't carry a child to term."

"He controlled your food and water?"

"Yeah."

"Or he put a contraceptive in it, so you couldn't get pregnant. Pregnant women can't, or at least shouldn't, be working as hard. And some of the contraceptives out there will kill your sex drive. That's part of how they work."

Rey sighs. That makes a lot of sense. "He would have done something like that. People had sex, but there weren't babies, so… Something was going on. Women horded slicks, I remember that."

"Slicks?" Rose knows what slick is, but she's also fairly sure that Rey's not talking about lube.

"Scum sacks?"

Rose stops looking blank; she's starting to catch on. "Gloves?"

Rey's trying to imagine one stretched over a hand, let alone why anyone might do that. "I don't think you'd put one on your hand."

Rose closes her eyes and shakes her head, mentally sniggering a bit. "The sheath that goes on a man's shaft so he doesn't cum in you."

"Come? Uh… doesn't that defeat the purpose if he can't come in you?" Rey's thinking about that, but… Why would a man need something special to keep him out? He could just rub against your belly or hip or mouth or… no sheath necessary. Maybe it makes not being inside feel better?

And Rose can see that she's being bitten by the homonym. "Not come… cum… You know when they," Rose makes a little spurting gesture with her fingers. "You know, when they finish. How have we not talked about this before?"

"I don't know. We haven't. Spurt. That's what Kylo calls it. I didn't know they did that until after I was with him, so that's what I call it, too. Why come?"

"It's just what we called it. One's a verb, and that's something guys and girls can do, the good, tingly feeling, and the other's a noun and that's the fluid that comes out of guy. They sound the same but are spelled differently."

Rey's squinting at her. "And one literally means get inside of you, where all the coming and cumming happens. Your slang is weird."

Rose smirks a little at that. "Yeah, well, it's better than not having words for it at all."

Rey rolls her eyes. "They were scum sacks, so I'm going to guess the word was scum, but, like I said… I knew they put it in, I knew you'd end up wet after, I didn't know it came out of them."

Rose is sniggering along with that. "That must have been a hell of a surprise."

Rey rolls her eyes a bit more, a smile on her face. "I'll admit I wasn't expecting it, and then didn't know what to do with it, but, apparently swallowing is polite, so I swallowed."

Rose is absolutely cackling at that. "Oh, honey! He didn't… warn you… Speaking of polite, it's polite to let a girl know before you come."

Rey sighs, looking somewhere between amused and embarrassed. "I could feel he was close to something, but holding back, so I told him to enjoy it, and then he thrashed around a bit, poked me in the tonsil, and there were these pulses and… wet… and… Anyway, I didn't know that was going to happen, and he didn't know I didn't know what I was asking for."

Rose laughing so hard that Paige is starting to look surprised. Dinner doesn't usually jiggle this much.

And it's the sound of Rose laughing like she's just heard the best joke ever, that greets Magiit, Cassie, and Savarah as they come to the Ticos' door.

---

The girls are a bit snow dusted. "More coming down?" Rose asks as she waves them in, and Rey stands up, pulling out chairs, getting cups for chai.

"It's just blowing around," Magiit replies, and then says, "Cassie?"

Cassie closes her eyes and lets herself feel. There are a lot of different Force specialties, and one of Cassie's is the ability to feel the way the weather is flowing. "Midnight. Big storm rolling in by midnight." She's quiet for another moment, and then blinks, looking at the rest of them. "I asked Jacen to check the ropes."

They've had blizzards hard and heavy enough that visibility drops to nothing. So, these days, there are ropes that connect all the buildings. The whole settlement is less than two klicks end to end, but step wrong in a whiteout, especially if you aren't Force sensitive, and you might never find where you need to go. The first few times they had full on whiteout, some of the kids were out in it, and the only reason they didn't get completely lost is that it's impossible to lose someone in a settlement filled with Force sensitives.

That said, no one enjoyed staggering around, blind, trying to find a lost and panicking child by feel alone, so they keep the ropes so no one gets lost.

And Cassie's got the feel of on-coming whiteout now, so she lets them know at least twenty minutes before.

Rey nods at that. "Thank you."

The girls take off their outer coats, and settle in around Rose and Finn's table and living room. Rey hands out cups of spiced tea, rich with milk and sweet with honey.

Rose shifts Paige to her other breast, and then says, "So, boys, sex, babies, love, growing up. It's all on the table tonight." She pets Paige as she gets settled in on the right. "First and foremost, though, sex makes babies, babies are a ton of work, and while making them can be a lot of fun, cooking them and getting them out, and then dealing with them isn't. So, not making any babies until you really, really, really want one is important, because you will never find another job that's going to take more of your time, energy, body, life, mind, etc… etc…"

The girls are all looking at each other, or Rey, or Rose, or their cups of tea, all of them a little embarrassed and on edge.

Rey has an easier time catching that than Rose does, so she's the one who says, "We're not here to scold or tell you sex is bad, or don't do it. There are ways to have sex and enjoy yourselves and the boys and not make babies. And, apparently, our med bay is stocked with them, so, enjoy yourselves, and the boys, or each other, but don't make any babies, yet, okay?"

That's not relaxing the girls much. Magiit's okay. But Savarah and Cassie are tense. There's… a disconnect somewhere.

Cassie's looking at the floor, biting her lips. Then she says, "That's not what Bishop Alric used to say."

"What did the Bishop used to say?" Rose asks, and Rey's feeling cold, because Cassie's cold remembering it.

"He said flesh was sin. That we were perfect beings chained in corpses rotted through with sin and evil, and the needs of the flesh stained the purity of our souls, made us unworthy of the light of the stars. And if we gave into our base desires, we'd never get back to the stars. We'd be barred from their light forever."

Rose and Rey blink at each other. For a moment, they're both so shocked they just can't move or think or anything. After a few more seconds, they start to respond. Rose swallows. Rey inhales fast and sharp.

"Was that all?" Rose asks. Rey's always assumed that Rose has to get mad about things, but she's never seen it. Until now. It's clear that if Rose ever runs into that Bishop, he's going to have a very bad day.

"No." Cassie can pick up on how Rose is reacting to this, and it's clear that part of her likes Rose's anger. Part of her is afraid. These lessons were… private. Not necessarily secret, but she and the other girls weren't supposed to talk about them. Rey gets hit with the sense of Special lessons for special girls.

"You can tell, Cassie. Anytime someone… an adult someone… tells you to keep secrets… about something important, not like, making a surprise for a friend… That's a good sign that they don't want anything good for you," Rey says.

Cassie nods, takes a deep breath, and continues, "He said the divine was man-shaped, and women were a false copy of the pure form. Corrupted by the sins of the flesh and the needs of lust. And our… bits… are filthy gutters made for holding the pollution of the male form. He said that our pure form is spirit, and spirit only, and every time we fornicate, that risks pulling another perfect soul out of the glory of the heavens and into the hell of our decaying corpse bodies."

Rose is up barely a second after Cassie finishes saying that, moving faster than Rey, who's sitting there, frozen, still stunned by those words.

"Oh, honey, NO!" Rose is holding Cassie. And Paige is fussing a bit at being so suddenly moved from one side of the room to the other, and smooshed against another person. Then she kneels in front of her. "First and foremost, the only filthy thing there was that man's mind. He was the problem, not you, or any of the other poor people who had to listen to his lies."

"We know Rey doesn't talk like that," Magiit says, "but," she nods to Savarah and Cassie, "a lot of us got… bad lessons."

Savarah nods. She doesn't like talking about what the Presbyters used to say back on her settlement. But they were awfully clear, from a young age, that sex was something girls weren't supposed to do, at least, not until they were married, and once married they were only supposed to do it to make babies. But they also looked the other way when the boys and men would pat her fanny when she was working. And, being 'Godly men,' their hands never wandered, but their eyes did, and their thoughts certainly did. And they never told the boys they weren't supposed to be doing it.

Rose looks to Rey. "What was that you were saying about The Force having a plan?"

Rey nods, slowly. "I believe the Force does have a plan. That we come into each other's lives with a purpose, and right now, if all I ever get to do is wipe those ideas out of your heads, I'd think the Force would be satisfied."

Rose nods. "What's Rey keep telling you? 'The Force doesn't make mistakes.' You are you, in this body, because you are supposed to be you, in this body. These bodies are made, just the way they are, because that's how they're supposed to be. There's nothing bad or wrong or cursed about a female body. There's no pure form." The way Rose says those words, they become a vile curse. "It's just a body that a billion generations of evolution through the Force shaped into a perfect vessel for making babies.

"Anyone says anything bad about female bodies, all that person is telling you is that he hates life. Talk shit about pussies and vaginas and cunnies and…"

"Maomaos," Rey adds.

"And all the other pretty words for it, and you're saying the only part of a human being who can grow another human being is bad and awful and unworthy. And if someone is saying that, what they're telling you is they worship death," Rose adds.

Rey shakes her head a bit at that. Not entirely sure where Rose is wrong, but… Her mouth starts talking before her brain is entirely caught up. "Death is… vital, necessary. It's part of how the balance works, but… I don't think he was worshiping death. That's… understandable. Death is… huge, important, shapes… anything it touches. He was…" Rey feels a curl of nauseous dread in her guts, and tries to think of how to put this in a context that would make sense to Cassie. "hating existence. Light, by itself, is sterile. Literal light. The glow of the stars. All of it up there, just zipping around, it's… Nothing, until it touches a person, or plant, or animal. It allows life to thrive, but by itself, it's useless. And… that man was telling you that the highest good he could imagine was sterile, useless, light.

"On top of that, he was lying to you—"

"We know that, Rey," Savarah says.

"I know, but… I mean, he was literally lying to you. Go outside, well, not right this second, but after sunup, and there it is, the light of the stars on your skin. If there's more to light than just the glow, anytime you want or need it, you just need to go outside on a sunny day. It's always there, you've just got to find it. Nothing can… bar you from the light of the stars. It's always out there."

Cassie smiles a bit at that.

Rey picks up her cup of tea. "It's in stuff like this, too. We have to eat to survive, and everything we consume exists because the light of the stars nurtured it. This tea. The animals that made the milk in it ate plants that grew because of the light. The bees that made the honey lived on flowers, that grew in the light. Your supper. The power cells on the micro farms. The light of the stars is as much in your belly as the air around you, and you can never, ever be barred from it."

The girls seem to like that.

"Maybe one day, you'll go back, drag that cajoolie out into the light, and point that out to everyone," Rey says.

Cassie smiles brighter at that. It's clear she's got some detailed fantasies of doing some extremely unpleasant things to that Bishop.

Magiit's nodding at that. "That Bishop of yours… Sounds like the kind of guy who couldn't get laid and took it out on everyone else."

Rose smirks at that. "Back in the Resistance, we used to have a joke about Snoke. His face was so ugly he had to take over the galaxy to get a date, and even then, she made him put a bag over his head."

That gets a little chuckle. And Rey's wondering if that was Poe's joke, because it sounds like something he would have come up with.

Rey says to them, "Take a moment and feel it. Let yourselves go into the Force, and feel it. The Force doesn't hate. It doesn't prefer one sort of body or another. It certainly doesn't disdain bodies. It gave us bodies so we could experience all of the good things that come from having a body. It gave us bodies that feel pleasure for a reason."

"You heard us cackling away right before you came in. We were laughing about sex. Sex is supposed to be fun, and pleasurable, and funny. You were designed for this to be something that can make you happy," Rose says.

"Critt talks about that some. How the Jedi didn't believe in that," Savarah says.

Rey wiggles her hand a bit, indicating that Critt's sort of got the idea. "Take what Critt says about the Jedi with some skepticism. He didn't really learn what they thought. He learned what his parents thought they thought. They were right about some of it, and not right about other parts. For example, the Jedi thought the Dark side was very powerful and seductive, and they thought that wanting things would make it harder to avoid the Dark side. So, they went out of their way to avoid things that would make them want. So, bodies weren't a problem. Pleasure wasn't a problem. Wanting pleasure causing you to do things leading to the Dark side was the problem. But strip that down, get it as three generations of hearsay, and you get 'Bodies are bad.'

"The Jedi were mostly celibate… Didn't have sex. But not entirely. Sex was fine. They could have lots of sex, assuming they could do it without getting too attached to the person they were having it with, and could do it without getting entwined with jealousy, anger, passion, and want. A lot of people can't do that, so for the most part they just didn't have sex. But there's nothing, anywhere, in any of the actual Jedi writings, saying sex or pleasure or bodies or anything like that is bad. Even they knew that the Force gave us bodies and our wants for a reason. They just didn't have a particularly good method for coping with the dark feelings that could accompany those wants.

"Seriously, feel it." She glances to Magiit, and then leans across the table and takes her hand. "I know you can't on your own, so piggy back on me. Let yourselves feel your bodies and the Force, and know."

And Rey does take the time to focus in on it, on her body, on the Force, on Magiit, and the feel of the thrum of the energies around them. She lets herself glide through the light, and their lives, and shares that sensation. As she works on the visualization, on the feel of it, she says, especially for Cassie, "Feel it; it's not separate from your body. There's no hierarchy, where the soul is somehow better than the body. It's part of and in and through it. The spirit may be eternal, but it thrums thought every cell of you, and it holds the shape of the body long after the body is gone, and it misses the sensations and abilities the body had when it's gone."

Rose is watching this. She can, almost, feel the energies around her, especially with them radiating through the three Force sensitives, and Magiit riding along with Rey's view of it. And after a second, she still can't feel it, but she can see it. "You're glowing, ladies."

Rey lets the glow slide away gently. "The next time you feel those doubts or vile words creeping into your head, remember that glow."

She can feel that helps, some at least. It can't erase the past words, can't easily shift more than a decade of attitudes, but it does help.

Rose also offers a little smile. "Okay, ground rules, sex, love, everything… For… Maji, I guess."

Rey nods. "Okay, sex for Maji. Here, you get to do it, when and as, and with whom you like. Or not do it. If you're working on your balancing, and feeling the flows of the Force, you'll know when it's time. Time might be soon. It might not. But, whenever it is, that's when you get to do it."

"When did you?" Magiit asks.

"I didn't make love with anyone before Kylo," Rey says.

"I was seventeen. Finn was twenty-four. You get to decide for yourself what you want, and what works for you. There's no magic age," Rose adds.

Cassie thinks for a moment. "You're the first person Finn had sex with, but Finn's not the only person you've had sex with?"

"Nope. I was with the Resistance for a few years before he got there, and back on Hays Minor I had a sweetie or three." She smiles a little at that.

"More than one… is okay?" Savarah asks. "I mean… They used to tell us marriage was forever, and it was one person, and only one, and… The Force does something like that, too, right?"

Rose shrugs.

Rey shakes her head. "I don't think so. I think some people are extremely well suited for each other. Kylo and I, Rose and Finn, but I don't think it's a one and only one and there will never, ever be anyone else. Maybe for some people that's true. For some, it likely isn't. And… I don't think there's a hierarchy. One true love and a lot of lesser loves, but… I don't actually know. I don't have a lot of experience with this."

Rose inclines her head a bit. "I think she's got it." She cuddles Paige, who's slowing down on her meal. "I think this part, the raising babies part, is easier if you've got a partner just as dedicated to your home and heart and child/children, and you are to his, but… I love Finn. I love our life, and the life I hope we get to live together. That doesn't make my earlier sweeties any less my loves. And… if something happened to me, or him, neither of us would expect the other to mourn forever and shut ourselves off from loving again."

Rey adds, "You remember Jon. He lost his husband a few years ago, and he's hurting, but… I don't think he'll stay single forever. I don't think it'd be good for him if he did."

"Poe lost his boy twenty years ago, and he'd tell you he stayed stuck too long, but he's also starting to think about opening his heart up again," Rose says. "And… it's love. It's the feelings that bind us to each other. I loved my sister, and my family, and Finn, and Paige, and… It's not one love is better or more than the others, they're just different."

"You love who you love, as you love them, okay? And… You don't have to love anyone you don't want," Rey says. That sounds like fine advice on the subject. "That said kindness or at least tolerance is likely worth extending as much as you can. But you don't have to love anyone you don't want to."

"Does Finn know you've had more sweeties than he has?" Magiit asks.

"Of course. You don't need to go into in-depth detail, but, if you're in a relationship with someone, it's a good idea that they know what sort of experience you've got."

"That didn't… bug him?" Magiit asks.

"No. Why do you think it should have?" Rose replies.

Magiit shrugs. "On Canto… We didn't have any Bishops, not like Cassie or Savarah had, but the older girls always said that you could play around like you wanted, but never let a man think you played around more than he did. They'd get weird about it if you'd gotten more than he did." She rolls her eyes a little at that.

Rose looks to Rey, who just shrugs. "Apparently, that's nothing either of us ever ran into before." Rose is quiet for a moment, and then continues on with, "Okay… There's something of a kick that goes with knowing you're the first person to make your partner feel that way. I didn't expect that the first time Finn and I made love, but…" she's smiling, "Yeah. It wasn't just that I was making him feel good, which is a whole lot of fun, too. It was that I was the first person to make him feel that kind of good. That… he'd never have that experience, not knowing what it was going to be like, hoping and eager, and then giving him something so much better than anything he was dreaming of… That was intense and good."

"Did Kylo like doing that for you?" Magiit asks Rey.

Rey blinks. "Uh… I've never asked, or sought that out from him. I know he really likes me enjoying him and what he's doing." She's remembering the green panties, and how much Kylo enjoyed her enjoying that. "That's a way to help figure out if the time is right, and the person is right, do you enjoy making them feel good? If you don't… Well, he's… she's probably wrong for you."

"The reverse is true, too. If he's not getting off on getting you off, don't sleep with him," Rose says. "You want him to be at least as into your pleasure as you are." Rose thinks for a moment about her Force sensitive charges here. "Okay, not one hundred percent of the time. He's allowed to have selfish time where he's just in it for him, but, in general, there should be times where he's doing you for your sake, and when he's doing you for your sake, he should be enjoying it. If pleasuring you is a chore, get rid of him." Rose thinks about that for a moment. "Actually, that's good relationship advice, not just sex advice, you should enjoy doing things for each other. I mean, not all the time and not everything, but if more stuff is a chore than a pleasure, you're probably with the wrong person."

Rey smiles at that, thinking of Lady Ren. "Yeah, apparently, for the right person, you'll do things you never dreamed of."

Rose smirks at that. "Yep. That said, boundaries. You're also allowed to make lines and say, 'Nope, we're not doing this, or you can't ask me for that,' especially at your age, when you're still figuring you out, knowing where the 'I'm not sure if I want to go there' boundaries are important."

"What kind of boundaries?" Cassie asks.

"Whatever you need," Rey says. "Uh… The turtle." She looks to the girls, and they nod, remembering that, though it's clear they don't understand what it's got to do with sex. "I… uh… wasn't thrilled with Kylo popping up like that because I had it handled, and I didn't need him at my side for it, and… well, he was still hiding… but he felt me afraid, and he was there. And that's one his hard lines, he can't sit back and feel me in fear or pain, and not come to me. That's the thing I can't ask him to do." Rey thinks for a moment, realizing that might not be useful for the girls. "But, we're… settled, you know? The off-limits bits for us are pretty few and far between. Now… You set them for where you're comfortable. And… boundaries can move. For a very long time, I didn't like being touched. With strangers, I still don't much like it, but in a lot of cultures people squeeze hands with each other as a greeting, so… I'm getting used to that, pulling that boundary back a bit. It used to be that if a stranger tried to touch me, they were going to go home with at least a big bruise. Now, I'll gently squeeze hands with the best of them. But if they try to take it further, that's a firm no, and if my posture shifting, me stepping back, and glaring doesn't give them the hint, I follow up with a verbal 'No,' and sometimes freeze them hard."

Rose says, "What do you think good boundaries would be?"

The three younger girls all sort of look at each other.

"No sex without a sheath?" Magiit says.

"That's a great one. My Mamie always said, that at least once, as you're getting to know a man, tell him no. Doesn't have to be on a big thing, but on something he wants to do, tell him no. Then see what he does with that no. If you get anything other than immediate, 'Okay, we're not doing that,' you don't see him again."

"How does that go with… doing stuff you wouldn't normally do?" Savarah asks.

"When you're getting to know him," Rose says, highlighting the important part. "Once you know that he'll take your no and run with it, you can work on learning to compromise on things, but if you tell him, 'No, I don't want to go to the café,' and he wheedles and moans and complains about it, what do you think he's going to do when you say no to something that matters to him? Like, say, getting his shaft in you?"

The girls don't need it spelled out further than that.

"But… But…" Cassie looks down. "What if you say 'no,' and he says 'yes?'" She bites her lips. "My sister said 'no.' Her owner said 'yes.' If the Order hadn't come…"

Rey and Rose share a look. Kylo only brought them Cassie, and she's never said that she had a sister on the Supremacy.

"Where's your sister now, Cassie?" Rose asks, softly, hoping that Kylo didn't leave her behind, afraid she… and a baby… Rose just knows there was a baby, probably because Cassie's projecting right now, weren't there to be left behind.

Cassie looks away. "She was too little, narrow hips, they said, and the baby wasn't positioned well, and… They both died. We were… going to go, all three of us. Once she had healed up, but… But it was just me."

Rose and Rey glance at each other, hearts heavy. Savarah and Magiit, who both knew this story, are also solemn.

"When I was serving drinks…" Savarah says, "You'd get better tips if you'd be sweet and let them pat your fanny. I didn't like that, but, money's money, and you still have to pay rent, and… And I had enough power to make sure they never got out of line, never more than a pat and some sweet words about being pretty, but… I didn't like it."

Rey takes a deep breath, she hadn't thought about it, but if she had, she'd have hoped to not have to get into this, but... That's not the lives they've lived. "Remember how I talk about sometimes you'll fail? You'll try your best, and do everything you can, and sometimes it's just not enough?"

They nod.

"I was probably about Cassie's age. Maybe a little older. Old enough to have regular-ish cycles and the start of breasts. Young enough I wasn't very tall, yet. There were… a group of them. And I said no. And I fought, and I screamed, and I had my staff, and I know I hit a few of them, but… It wasn't enough." She shrugs a little. "Sometimes, it's just not enough." She rubs her lips together. "On a practical level, if… If you can't fight anymore, or if there's just too many of them… The goal is to survive and get away. First and foremost, survive it. Go limp. Relax as much as you can. It'll hurt less that way. And… Some of them like it when you fight, so don't give them that.

"I didn't have any special Force skills when it happened. Didn't have any Force skills at all. But, you can pull your mind away from your body without the Force. You can send it off, so it's just something that happens to your body. We can work on that. It's probably… useful in a lot of situation.

"I was alone. None of you ever will be. I've got a feeling, that if any of us wearing a Maji pendent scream out with our minds, someone will hear. I know at least two non-Force sensitives who can call out if they work on it. We can work on that, teaching all of us. Being able to defend each other. So, go limp, pull your brain away, call for help, survive, and later, we'll find them, and we'll kill them."

It's the darkest, rawest thing they've ever heard Rey say, and it makes a shiver pass through the room.

"Did you… kill them?" Cassie asks.

"No. I didn't. It happened once. And I hid after. But, I still had to work, still needed to eat, so I came out, and went back to work, and a few of the older ladies gave me some soft cloths for the bleeding. One of them gave me tea… I was on a desert planet, and a gift of water was a major thing. And as soon as the sun started to set, I'd run home and hide. A month later, I didn't make it in time. I'd found a good trove, and tried to get one more run in, and… And it happened again. And the next day, I decided to leave Niima Station. I'd found a downed AT-AT and turned it into my home. It was a few klicks from Niima, so it was safe.

"I got bigger, stronger, better with my staff.

"But I didn't get to kill them. I didn't… even see most of them. You'll do everything you can, and sometimes you'll fail." She tries a little smile. "But none of us are alone any longer, and we protect our own."

And Rose says, quietly, thinking of what Kylo did to Jakku. "And if we can't protect, we avenge."

"That's the idea." She takes a drink, and then stands up in front of the girls. "Do you see me? Whole, here, with you. Living in a place I love, with a man I love, with a life that's important, with all of you, working to build something great?" They nod, not sure where she's going with this. "I failed in the minute, with them. I fought until I couldn't fight anymore, and it wasn't enough to protect myself. But I survived it. I'm still here, now, doing something important and good. They didn't cripple me. They didn't kill me. They didn't win. Do whatever it takes to survive it, and from there, you can do anything."

Then she licks her lips. "And, I'll be honest, it took a while to get used to men. For a long time, I'd be defensive and skittish if one got too close. That's a big part of not touching people. Even Finn," who they all consider the human equivalent of a cream puff, a soft, fluffy, sweetheart of a man, "scared me at first. He grabbed my hand, and I hit him, hard. But, that calmed down. I got to know men who weren't out to hurt me. I can see the person, not just the threat, now.

"For a long time, the idea of sex with men as something good or that I might want to do wasn't there for me, either. I'd touch myself because it felt good, but letting a man do it was a steep hill to climb, but I got up the hill, with Kylo, and he's got his own ghosts and scars when it comes to this, and… If you survive, you can do anything. We did.

"And yes, sometimes, even now, and even with him, the memories are fresh, and ugly, and sometimes certain positions just don't work, because they're just too… everything. So, we adjust and do something else. Sometimes I need his voice or mind in mine, because that's a really vibrant way to know it's him, but… You do that if you need it. And if you're with a decent man, he'll do it with or for you.

"And together," she smiles at that genuine. "We've had some sweet times.

"Just, remember, anything you survive, you can heal. I'm not saying it's fast or easy or you won't have scars, but first, last, middle, survive it."

Cassie says, quietly. "Can that… happen to boys?"

Rey's not sure what she's asking for a moment, then she feels the question and puts that together with Kylo's got his own scars… "Uh..." She doesn't know. "Kylo's got different scars. Sex stuff, but not like that."

"Yes," Rose says. "If it can happen to you, it can happen to a boy. Except for the ending up with a baby bit."

"Most of Kylo's stuff is like that filth the Bishops were spewing at you. Ideas that your body, your desires, your… natural human functions, were bad or disgusting."

"Oh."

There's a general air of gloom.

Rose is quiet for a moment, and then she says, "My Mamie used to say, 'Between your ears and between your legs lies all the power a woman needs.' And, not all. Like Rey said, sometimes… you just don't win the fight, but… enough. There's enough power. Your bodies, your minds, you're not just built to be victims and vessels. You have power, just by being female, you have power.

"You know I'm from Hays Minor, right?"

The girls nod.

"You know what happened to Hays Minor?"

"The First Order," Magiit replies. Growing up in Canto Bight, among the Faviers, she'd overheard the men who built the weapons tested there bragging about how well they worked as they inspected the Faviers they were going to bet on.

"Yeah. They came, and at first they were running the mines, pulling anything of any value out. Mamie watched it, and… She knew it was going to get bad, just from the way they were mining. You don't tear through a planet like that if you're intending to stick around. One night, about a year before…" her voice goes hard, "they turned it into a weapons testing facility, she said to Paige and I, 'They're going to take everything of value off this planet, and leave the rest to rot. You girls are young and pretty. Make friends. With officers. Be valuable and you'll get out, alive."

Rose's eyes are hot, remembering. "When the First Order showed up, all the other traders left, so they were it, the only way off planet. And… Every day, we'd get home, and Mamie would be there, asking, 'Did you make a friend?'

"Eventually, we did. A month before they began testing, Paige got out. With her new husband. He was stationed in Coruscant, so that's where I was going to go as soon as I could. A week before testing began, my friend got me out, too."

"What was he like?" Savarah asks.

"Convenient." And it's clear that's all Rose is going to say about him. "He was stationed on Purnell IV. Eventually, I got free of him, and got to Coruscant, and found Paige. She'd already lost her husband. Once we were together again, we got to the Resistance." She looks to Cassie. "That's probably what your Bishop didn't like about pussies. Many men… at least the ones who like women… They'll do things they shouldn't to get pussy. And… if you're willing, if you want or need to, you can use that. I'm alive because I'm pretty, and I smiled at the right time, and opened my legs for the right man."

"Do you… know what happened to him?" Cassie asks.

"Stationed on Starkiller, last I heard."

They all know that more likely than not, that means he's dead. Rose sighs, blowing out a deep breath. "Well, that's a lot grimmer than I was hoping for with this." She shakes her head a bit, and notices that Paige is mostly just nursing to suckle right now. Supper's done. "Come on, you. Off you get." She gets Paige detached, and rights her shirt. She snuggles her girl. "Rey's right. The past happens, and you make the best decisions you can with what you've got, and maybe they aren't good ones, but… Survive it. As long as you draw breath, you can keep going and get better." She snorts a bit of a laugh as she gets Paige into burping position. "You've all seen Kylo around, right? If we want to talk about doing better…"

Rey smiles a bit at that. "A lot better." She smirks a little. "He'd say… okay, maybe not to you, he'd probably blush too hard to get it out, but… Sex with someone you love, or at least like, helps make things better. Helps make it easier to be better.

"It's not an accident that sex feels good and makes you happy. The Force knows what it's doing. Sex… it's part of a positive feedback cycle. Attraction, love, sex… put them together and they help you feel better in yourself, and helps to bind you to each other."

Rose grins at that. "Oh, yeah. At first sight, I was kind of star struck by Finn. I mean, there he was, The Finn. And, I was having an absolute shit day, but seeing him there, that just perked everything up. Until I figured out what he was doing."

"What was he doing?" Cassie asks.

"Running away from the Resistance." Rose shrugs a bit. "Sometimes doing the right thing takes a bit of outside persuasion."

Rey grins, also preferring getting this conversation somewhere lighter. "And Rose persuaded him. With an electro-shock wand."

The girls look like they'd just been hit with one of those wands, too, and then start to giggle.

Finally, Savarah says, "So, uh… You're saying Finn's not a natural hero?"

"No, I'm not saying that. He was trying to get away so he could find Rey and make sure she was okay. I'm just saying he needed a little help finding the right course."

Rey chuckles at that. "Positive feedback cycle?"

"Right. So, first sight, Wow! A long klick of smooth brown skin and those eyes, then I got to know him, and physical attraction slides into mental attraction, which deepens physical attraction, and I wake up after the battle of Crait, and he's sitting there next to me, more of those deep, soulful eyes. He strokes my face, and gently kisses my forehead, and then says, 'See, I'm going to have an easier time saving what I love if you're up and about, okay? Can't save you if you're just lying here in bed, hurt. So, you've gotta heal up and get out there, so I can go save you, because we're not even, and…' And I leaned up and kissed him again. And, really, that wasn't love yet, but it was awfully strong like, which made attraction stronger, and attraction plus like led to love, which led to sex, which made attraction and love grow stronger, and they cycle into each other."

"Your body, mind, and soul are all meant to support and feed each other," Rey adds, "and then make more people. Sex feels good, because we're designed to create life, to celebrate it, and thus making more life makes us feel good."

"But we don't have to only do it to make life?" Savarah says. "That was… something else the Bishops were awfully sure of."

Rey rolls her eyes. "Do Kylo and I have kids?"

"No," Magiit decides she'll be the one to answer the obvious question.

"You wanna guess how often we have sex?"

The three girls look at each other. Two of them blush. Magiit smirks. "A lot. Critt told us about that."

"Why does Critt…" Rey lets it trail off. She knows sex is part of how Kylo stays more balanced with his dark, and she knows he's working with Critt on his own dark, so… "He'd be right. No, you don't have to wait until you want to create new lives. Just for… making yourself and your partner feel good is fine." Rey's quiet for a moment. "Like we've been talking about, life's going to pile sad and hard and bitter on you, so you might as well grab, with both hands and your feet, too, if you can manage it, anything that makes you genuinely feel good."

"Does it? Really?" Savarah asks.

"You like petting with Critt, right?" Rose says.

"I do, but… Just about everyone likes petting." Savarah rolls her eyes a bit. "A lot of girls didn't much like the sex part. Rahel… She was one of the other servers I worked with, she said sometimes guys are too big, and it hurts, and… Eventually, it'd hurt less, but it never got good. And Kell said good was possible, sometimes, with the right guy, but even good wasn't… great. Then Sila laughed at that and told them their boys were… well…" her voice drops a bit, "shegellies, and couldn't find a kitty with both hands and a map, and until they started dating men and not twits, they'd never find great, but… Seems like I heard more bitching about lame sex than celebrating about good sex."

Rose is laughing at that. "Well, I'll admit, I've heard a verse or nineteen million of that song, and I've sung a few of them, too, but it's like any other skill, you learn, you practice, you communicate, and you get to good or great. Almost no one is great, first time off, especially if you try the first time in the dark without any communication."

Rey's watching Savarah. "When you and Critt pet, can you feel what's going on with him?"

Savarah nods. "Oh yeah. And he can feel me, too. He's got bugger all for empathy or telepathy in any other situation but—"

"He's probably borrowing yours," Cassie adds. "That's easier to do when you're close. If I hold his hand, Marrok can feel the weather, but he can't on his own."

"So, if you can feel where he is and vice versa, you've got a built-in advantage for communication," Rey says.

Rose grins. "That's got to be more like playing with yourself than playing with someone else. I mean, even if you are good at talking, if you use your own hand, you hit the target, if someone else is using their hand, it can take five or six versions of left, right, no not that far right, a little more left, up a hair, right there, now move but don't slip off that spot."

Rey's laughing at that. "Yes, there are advantages of being able to feel if you've hit the target."

"Plus, for a lot of men, the target isn't exactly subtle," Rose says while gesturing to her lap. Paige makes a small sound at the move, and Rose looks at her daughter. "Oh, sleepy thing. Come on, bedtime. I'll be back in a bit."

Rey gives Paige a little goodnight kiss, and then Rose takes her upstairs to her bed.

"It should feel good. I'm not saying that every single time will be heart-stoppingly amazing, but," she looks at the girls, two of which are Force sensitive, and the third one who is dating one, "There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get to good, or great, without massive amounts of effort." She adds a little half smile. "Uh… It usually takes me longer, and a bit more focus, to get to great than it does for Kylo, so, sometimes, especially when it's late and we're tired and just looking to end the night with a glow, I'll ride off of his good time."

Magiit smirks at that. "I… can't feel it through Elias, not usually, but that projects. It was... a very pleasant surprise… the first time it happened." That smirk gets a bit dirtier. "He just about died, he was so embarrassed, wet trousers and all, but… When he realized I felt it, too, he got over that pretty quick."

"He can feel how you're doing?" Cassie asks.

"Yeah. We've played a little with that, trying to focus the feelings and share them, but… It's…" she's blushing a little, "hard to focus, when… he's hard."

Savarah's laughing at that. "Yeah, that's how Jacen's walked in on us a few times. He can sneak up on Critt, but he shouldn't be able to sneak up on me, but I get distracted."

Rey raises an eyebrow. "He's sneaking up on you?"

"Not really…" Savarah sighs. "Look… I know… There's no good solution for it. He likes Critt, too. I get that. Critt's awesome. He should like Critt. And they share a home, so sometimes we're there. We try to keep it to times he's either not home or asleep, but his telepathy is so sharp, that if he wakes up and we're in the living room… Sometimes he'll decide to 'get a drink.' Remind us that we're giving him a concert."

"Does Critt honestly not know?" Magiit asks.

"He really doesn't. I'm not kidding about bugger all for empathy or telepathy. If you don't say it to his face, he can't pick it up."

"And you and Jacen don't tell him because…" Rey says.

Savarah's looking at Rey like she's insane. "I don't think there's anything Jacen could do that would make me that angry at him."

Rey blinks.

"Rey, he doesn't want Critt to know."

"He's said that, but… You and Jacen get along. You both like and respect each other. He loves Critt. Critt loves him. Critt loves you. You love Critt. This doesn't sound difficult to figure out. All three of you have a good time together."

The girls all stare at each other. It's clear they really wish Rose was here right now. Finally, Magiit says, voice very patient and gentle, "Rey, Critt doesn't like boys. At all. And Jacen doesn't like girls. At all. This… isn't something talking can fix. They're both narrow, really narrow," she's holding out her hands, barely a hair apart, "and not for each other."

Savarah nods. "All the love in the world isn't going to make that work. I mean… I like Jacen. He's pretty. He's fun to be around. If Critt… wanted to try… I mean, I guess we could, but it's physically impossible for Critt to have less interest in sex with Jacen than he does. And Jacen looks at me like I'm… well, nothing he wants. He's completely uninterested in me as anything other than a friend."

Magiit's eyeing Rey. "Do you like girls, too?"

Rey nods. "Not… That that matters at this point, but, yes. I've seen women I was interested in."

The girls look at each other. Magiit's the one who says, "Liking boys and girls, that's common enough that there's a name for it, 'Verse, but it's maybe a quarter of people, and most of them will prefer one or the other. Most people have no interest, at all, in whichever sex they don't prefer."

Savarah tentatively says, "Kylo's like that, right? No interest in boys?"

"I mean… He's said that, but…" Rey knows he's said that, but she just sort of assumed that he'd just never met the right one. Granted that was before he and Jon became close. Though, really thinking about it, now, given how he's got no interest in Jon, and how good of friends they are… She sighs.

"He probably meant it, literally," Magiit replies.

"Yeah. So…" Rey's feeling a little silly. "No telling Critt about Jacen."

"Yeah, if he ever wants to tell Critt, he gets to do that for himself, and the rest of us sit on it, because…" Savarah says.

Magiit adds, "Because if you've got any empathy you can feel how much Jacen doesn't want to tell. It'd mess things up and make them uncomfortable, and… Sooner or later, something's going to happen, but not now."

"Jacen liked Jon," Cassie adds.

Rey sighs. "Jon is way too old for Jacen."

"Jon liked him, too," Magiit adds. "I didn't feel it, but I could see that look. That was the look of a man who wants to get with the person he's looking at."

Rey rubs her forehead. "Waaayyy too old."

"He's not ancient," Savarah adds. "Not like he's forty."

Rey groans softly.

"Just saying, both of them were interested, and Jacen's seventeen, so…" Magiit says. "No one would have blinked if he'd met Jon on Canto and became his pet."

"Jon doesn't need a pet," Rey says. "He's got fish for that."

The girls laugh at that. "That's not what I meant," Magiit adds.

"I know. Just, leave Jon be. He's got his own stuff going on right now."

"Poe! Or at least Poe's got some sort of Jon thing going on," Savarah says. "I didn't know who he was thinking about until we met him, but Poe likes Jon."

"Does Jacen know that?" Magiit asks.

"I mean, I can't imagine he doesn't. He's a better telepath than I am and Poe takes him up in Micah for flying lessons, so he's got to know, right?" Savarah replies.

Cassie's just watching this, shaking her head. "This is complicated."

Rey takes that as a boon. "It always is. But… For the time being, let's say you guys set the upper limit of older than you are to five years, okay?"

"Why?" Savarah asks.

Magiit adds, "Even on Canto, a man wasn't really considered decent marriage material until he was forty, and girls were marriageable at 18."

Rey doesn't know what to do with that. "Just…"

"Isn't Kylo like ten years older than you are?" Cassie adds.

"We don't know how much older than I am he is. Officially, on the records, it's six years."

"That's more than five," Magiit says.

"I'm not seventeen."

"I don't see why it matters," Magiit says.

"That's because you're sixteen," Rose says, coming down the stairs. "You're always old enough when you're in the middle of it, and when you get to the other side of it, you look back and think: 'Holy hell, I was a flaming idiot when I was seventeen, eighteen, whatever.'"

Rey sighs, because they can sense she's not sure about that, and are chipping away at her, but Rose is, so they don't argue with her.

"What sort of flaming idiot?" Savarah asks.

"Among other things, being sure that you were going to spend the rest of your life with a man who's… okay… enough, but really, once you've had someone who was good for you, you can see wasn't. But when you're in the middle of it, okay can look awfully good, especially if you've never had good."

The girls think about that, and Rose continues on, "You're not going to end your days on this planet with this group of twenty-five people. We're getting you ready to go out into the wider galaxy, and the love of your life right now will probably be a warm memory later, as you find another love, or loves."

That gets a deep, quiet, contemplation.

"We'll leave?" Cassie finally says.

"I hope so," Rey replies. "I hope you'll come back, too, but…" she gestures to the settlement. "There's nothing really here, you know? The idea is to make sure that you're well-balanced in yourselves, and that you've got the skills to go out and do something."

"We know Jacen's going back to the Order, eventually," Savarah says.

"I could do that, too," Cassie adds.

"Or not, as you see fit," Rose replies. "You joined the Order because it was your best bet. When you're ready to leave here, you'll have options beyond Order or die."

"I could… go home and get people out?" Cassie says.

"You could go home and get people out. You could go home, open up a school of the Maji of your own, and rescue kids from the Bishops. You could decide to go in with Ostrae and open up a bakery somewhere. Like your Great Uncle, you could find a cause you believe in, and become a spy. You'd likely have some advantages on that. You're probably going to end up doing something you could have never imagined." Rey smiles at her. "I certainly am."

"But back to basics," Rose says, "you'll have vastly more in the way of options if you're not taking care of kid while you do this. So, again, no making babies until you're absolutely certain you want one, and you've got enough of a home and stable life set up so you can take care of one easily."

"How do we… not?" Cassie asks. It's clear she heard what the ladies were saying about not doing it, but it's also clear that she doesn't know the particulars.

"Once your cycle is regular, you can get shots from MX-6. You can have your sweetie use a sheath. There's a device that goes inside of you and prevents pregnancies if you want to try that. MX can take you through the options. There are a lot of them. Apparently, since the Order restocked the medbay, we've got everything, so he's probably got more options than I even know exist," Rose says.

"There's a shot for men, too. I… don't exactly know how it works, just that it does," Rey adds.

"How does it…" It's clear from the way she says it, she means sex, not contraceptives, "work?" Cassie asks, looking shy, curious, and a little scared.

"A lot of different ways," Rose says. "That's for you and your sweetie to figure out together. That's part of the fun of it. But, between now and your possible future sweetie, get a mirror, go to the refresher or… You have your own room, right?"

Cassie shakes her head. "The twins and I thought it'd be nicer to set bunks around the edge of the room and keep everything open."

"Okay, take a mirror, go to the refresher, preferably when they're out, and go really look at yourself. And touch everything. See what makes you feel good. Your datapad's got anatomy lessons so you can find out what everything you're looking at is, and then play with them," Rose says.

Rey adds, "If you type human nudes into the library, you'll get lots of pictures of naked people doing a lot of different things. That should give you a pretty good idea of what everything looks like, and a lot of ways that people fit together."

"But there are a lot of ways?" Cassie asks.

"Lots," Rose says with a grin. "It's like a piston in a cylinder. As long as you line the piston up properly with the cylinder, you can orient the cylinder however you like."

The girls giggle at that.

Magiit adds, "I think she's looking for something a little more concrete than that."

Rey arches an eyebrow. She doesn't say, 'she is, or you are,' but instead says. "Well, you know where your bits are, and his are in about the same place, so…"

"Concrete," Rose adds. "Okay, lying down, one or the other of you on top. Usually, his legs are between yours, because that makes things easier. Him lying on his back, you kneeling across him, facing his head, or feet, or any other direction you like…"

Rey gets on the same page with Rose on concrete. "You on your hands and knees, and him behind you, usually kneeling. Standing up. If he's strong enough he can pick you up. If he's not, you can lean against a wall or door or something."

"Kylo can pick you up?" Rose asks, looking intrigued.

Rey nods with a little smile. "Granted, both of us have some… advantages when it comes to maintaining balance."

"That man's practically a tree. I bet Rey could climb him without him so much as wobbling," Magiit says, with a naughty grin.

Rose holds up her hands. "Him holding you up, no wall or anything to lean against, sounds more like a workout than sex to me, but… Uh… Positions… You on your side, him behind you. You on your side, him in front of you."

"Sitting down, you in his lap, facing him, facing away, across his lap. Really, anything that gets your maomao in the right place over his shaft will work. Just some of them feel better than others."

"What feels better?" Savarah asks.

"Depends on how you're built, and he is," Rose adds. "Emotionally though, I like Finn on top of me. That's a good angle, feels nice physically, but I can't finish like that. That said, if I've already come, I like that one, his weight on me, being face to face, we can kiss easily, he can go as fast and hard as he likes." She looks pleased. "Uh… His arms… When he's on top his biceps and triceps and lats are flexed and hard, and… I like running my hands over them. All of that strength and power and it's there, in my bed, in my body, with me, moving to make us both feel good… I like that."

Rey's never said it before, she's not sure if she's ever thought it, but… "That's part of what I like about standing up. I can't move much if we're standing up, and what moving I can do, I need to use him as a prop for. And he's strong enough to hold me up, move me, and support himself with me moving on him. He can…" She rolls her lips… "It's like our marriage, he's strong enough to give me what I need."

The girls look a little confused by that.

"It's a symbol. I don't need him to be able to pick me up, at least not routinely, as part of our marriage. I just like that part. He's strong enough to… support me, emotionally, socially, through this life thing we're figuring out and moving through."

"You don't need someone to take care of you, but you like the fact that someone signed up to do the job," Rose says.

"Exactly. And sometimes, as Hiffa showed us, sometimes you need someone to take care of you, and it's good to have people who will."

Savarah's looking a little shy, but she says, "You can do it as much as you like?"

"You can do it as much as you like," Rose says.

"The Presbyters told us that if we did it too much, we'd get loose and floppy and no man would ever take pleasure in us."

Rose again looks like she's ready to go kill people, mostly male religious leaders, but then she reins it in and says, "I pushed a three kilo baby out of my vagina, and it went right back to normal. It took a while. I wasn't hopping on Finn the next day, and everything was sore for a few weeks, but… You heal. You stretch. Your body is designed to get a baby out of it, and no man, no matter how well hung, is going to be anywhere near the size of a kid."

"Your muscles get stronger and more fit when you use them. Your maomao isn't some sort of magic body part that defies the rules of all other body parts," Rey says. "It's just one that can make you feel better. But, just like your arms and legs, it's mostly muscle, so the more you work it, and the kinder you are to it, the stronger and more flexible it gets."

"Does it hurt the first time?" Magiit asks.

"My first time with Kylo didn't hurt at all."

"My first time stung a little. We were both over eager and moved too fast, but it didn't hurt. If it hurts, the first question is do you really want to be doing this? If the answer is anything other than an ultra-emphatic yes, that's likely part of why it hurts. A pinkie finger isn't going to go in easy if you don't want it there," Rose says.

"And much bigger things will slide on in nice and easy if you do," Rey adds. The girls look a little shocked, and Rose giggles at that, well aware of what… who's… much bigger.

"And if it's hurting but you really want to? Some of the older girls talked about bleeding all over the place, and crying while forcing it on in," Magiit says.

Rose and Rey share a look, and then Rose says, "That doesn't sound like they much wanted to have sex, but… If they did. Or if you do, but it's not just sliding on in easy, first off, sex doesn't dry up and go away. It's not like if you don't do it right that second, there'll be no other chance. There's no expiration date. Mamie and Pops were at it well into their seventies. Trust me, it'll still be there tomorrow and the day after. Shelve penetration for another day. Put his tongue to good use, and put your mouth or hands to good use, and make each other happy another way. Then go see MX-6. Make sure everything is alright. You might have something going on down there making things uncomfortable. Get that taken care of.

"Or, you might have a hymen. Some women have a little extra skin around the outside of their pussy, and that can be tight, and stretching it out can be uncomfortable, which is why my first time stung a little, and if the guy's too eager he can rip it, but… Not every girl has one, and if you've got a guy who's patient, and willing to use tongue and fingers, you don't have to end up in pain or bleeding.

"And you might need extra slick. Get him good and wet with spit, get some lube from the Medbay, make sure he's making you feel really good so your body makes enough to let him slip in. Sex without enough lube hurts, and with enough is a joy, and sometimes bodies just don't make enough to do the job, so if you need extra, go get some."

The girls look at Rey to see if she's got anything else to add, and she thinks for a moment, and then says, "Get on top of him. He might not exactly know what he's aiming for, and you do, so get on top and make sure he's in the right place. That can help, too."

"What do you do with your mouth?" Savarah asks.

"Whatever you like," Rose says.

"No, you said use your mouth instead of penetration… What did you mean?"

"I meant, have him get down on his knees, and kiss, lick, and suck that pretty pussy until you get off."

Magiit looks like she's got plans for this evening all of a sudden, and Savarah and Cassie are intrigued and scandalized.

"And you can do it back to him, too," Rey says. "Really, if you're worried about possibly making a baby, and not wanting one, that's a good thing to do. There's no way he can get you pregnant if it's in your mouth. And no man in the history of human men ever got a woman pregnant with his fingers and tongue."

"And, as of this point, I have not met a single man, anywhere, who doesn't like it." Rose pauses. "Okay, that's not true. I have not met a single man, anywhere, who likes women, who doesn't like muff diving."

"Muff diving?" Rey asks.

"Uh, yeah."

"What's a muff?"

"Do you really not know?"

"I… A long while ago, Kylo and I were talking about names for our bits, and he came up with that one, and he didn't know what that was a non-slang word for. Wasn't sure if it was just a term for..." she remembers what Rose called it, "pussy."

"A muff is a hand warmer. It's like, a tube of fabric, usually fur-lined, that you stick your hands in to keep them warm when it's cold out."

Rey sniggers. "He'll like that."

"You were really talking about body part slang?" Magiit asks.

Rey's got a soft smile remembering that. "We were still really new. Might have been the second or third time we were together, and we were playing, and obviously we both speak Galactic Standard, but have completely different slang, because we're from not even remotely the same part of the galaxy, so… part of playing was naming everything. It was fun."

Rose is smiling at Rey. "That's sweet." Then she looks to the girls. "That's what I mean by figuring it out, together. You take the time, and make a space to learn each other, together."

Rey adds, "Learn each other's parts, and what those parts like. Mostly, just… Take the time to stroke and pet and kiss and lick everything. Make sure he does it for you, too. Explore. Keep talking and feeling with each other."

"Everything?" Magiit asks.

"Well, if it doesn't smell good, you might want to wait until after a shower. Or maybe do it in the shower, while soaping each other up. But… Yeah. That's how you figure out what you and he like. Kylo and I often play after or during a shower or bath, because, well… humans can get pretty stinky, you know?"

The girls laugh at that. They know.

"Seriously, everything?" Magiit's thinking hard about everything. The three Force sensitives know what she's asking, and Rose has it from context.

"I'd make sure it's clean first, but yes. Everything. It's a lot of fun, feels really good, and if you ever want to see a man squirm and beg and plead and feel so good he's on the verge of levitating off the bed, definitely try licking everything. Especially, if you've got your hand on his shaft at the same time."

Rose looks intrigued by that. "You've really?"

Rey nods.

"And he liked it?" Now Rose is the one looking curious and mildly scandalized.

"A LOT."

"Hmm…" She also appears to be developing plans for tonight. "Did you like it?"

"I can feel it through him, so I got the kick of him having a very good time, and me giving it to him."

"After a shower?" Rose asks.

"Sonic, faster and more thorough." She thinks about the practicalities of that. "Uh... I don't generally get sick, so... Really clean. But, if he likes your tongue on him, he'll probably like you washing him up, too." Another moment of thought, and how little fun Hiffa was. "And... I didn't stick my tongue in it, just on... Fingers is where in came into play, and that was kind of messy, but... that's just being human. And there was a very thorough washing up after."

The girls are just watching this.

Rose looks back to them. "It's just… fun. Playtime with your favorite person. It's serious, because there can be serious consequences, but if you take care of that ahead of time, it's a way to make yourself and each other feel good."

"Does it have to be your favorite person?" Savarah asks.

Rose shakes her head. "No. I think it's more fun if you really like the person, but it doesn't have to be. It's been a long time since Poe's had a favorite person, and not that long since he got shagged, so… It can just be something to feel good.

"But, I think it's easier with someone you really like. Any person you run into can likely get you some mediocre sex. Okay sex is pretty easy to get, too. If you're willing to touch yourself during, you can just about always guarantee at least okay sex. Good sex usually takes some more effort. Great sex takes time, patience, and a good read on the person you're with. It's not impossible to do that with a stranger, but it's a lot easier to do it with someone you love and trust."

"You can touch yourself during sex?" Savarah asks.

"Oh yeah. I'd suggest doing it at least a few times so your partner can see what you like and where you touch. And more than that as necessary. Sometimes he's further along than you are, so it's easier to speed yourself up with your own hand. Sometimes he doesn't have a hand readily available, or the position doesn't work well for it. Sometimes, it's been a long, hard day and you're feeling kind of prickly, and just want to get off, so you do yourself while doing him to make sure you get off easy. There are a lot of reasons to touch yourself, but certainly do it."

"Kylo likes watching me do it."

Rose nods at that, a very knowing look on her face. "That, too. Most men really like to watch women do anything involving sex. Also, if it's an option, keep the lights on. You're going to have a much easier time learning each other if you can see what you're doing. And, I'm less visually oriented than Finn, I know watching sex doesn't hit me as hard as it hits him, but it still hits me."

"We have a mirror near our bed, so we can see everything easier. Watching is fun," Rey adds.

"You don't feel weird watching yourself," Cassie asks.

"If I couldn't feel how good of a time he's having watching, I might, but I can see how he watches me, so that means I generally feel pretty good about how I look, too," Rey says.

"You like women, too," Magiit adds.

"I'm not sure if that matters when it comes to watching myself," Rey says.

"Probably doesn't hurt," Magiit says.

Rey shrugs at that. "Maybe? No idea." She looks at the girls, and at Rose… "Did we, get everything?"

Rose looks back to the girls. "Questions, comments, thoughts?"

They don't appear to have any.

"Okay, we're always here, and so are the guys, too. Poe'll definitely tell you anything you want to know, and Kylo might blush, but he probably will, too," Rey looks to Rose.

"I might have to kick him under the table, but Finn'll answer questions, too."

The girls nod at that, and then begin to bundle up.

When they're gone, Rey says to Rose, "Your man… the convenient one, if you want, if you give me his name, I can find out if he's dead."

Rose shakes her head. "He's dead. Paige's husband is dead, too. Mamie didn't just tell us to make friends. She gave us the herbs to get rid of an inconvenient husband when the time was right. We got to Purell, where he wanted me to live, with his wife, who was also less-than-thrilled by the situation. His lady couldn't have children, and he wanted babies. I had the shot to take care of that, but he didn't know that.

"That's how I got him to take me… I told him I was pregnant, and he decided to take me when he left.

"I was there for six weeks. His wife and I teamed up, saving every credit we could, and one night we served him a supper he didn't get up from, both of us bought tickets on the next freighter out, and parted company after."

Rey lets out a long breath. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know. Wherever she ended up, I hope it's better than where she was."

Rey nods at that.

Rose smiles a bit, but it's kind of sad. "I suppose I have to tell Finn that, before one of them runs their mouth and he finds out about it the wrong way."

Rey shakes her head. "You tell him that when you want to. When you're ready. I would have rather been able to tell Kylo, rather than just have him feel it off of me. I think I would have done it eventually, but… You tell him when you need him to know, and when you think he can take it."

Rose closes her eyes and nods. "Thanks." She's quiet for another moment, and then says, "The whole planet."

Rey nods. "I guess, when he told me that, I should have… what… killed him? Got up and left? Hated him forever?"

Rose shrugs. "Before I met Finn, I would have told you that anyone in a First Order uniform was a just kill. And I knew they stole babies. And I knew some of the people in those uniforms are younger than the girls we chatted with tonight. And I didn't care. It was better to die, or be killed, than to work with them. But, I met Finn, and… There were millions of people in First Order uniforms, and… I know how he got out… I read the PsyOps reports on him. He's got off the charts willpower. Anyone who was less strong, less stubborn, couldn't have done it. And just about everyone else has less willpower.

"I cheered when we blew up StarKiller. I screamed with joy when I got the first report on the Fulminatrix. It… took about twenty minutes before I knew what that victory cost. But, any of those millions of people could have been another Finn, just… not quite as hard-headed."

Rey nods at that, smiles a little.

"They hurt me, and what I held dear, so I didn't care how many of them died, as long as they did. So… I don't condone blowing up Jakku. I don't think it was right. But I can't hate him for it."

Rey nods at that, too. "Yeah. There was a part of me that liked it. A small savage part that cried out in triumph. I never got to do it, but he did, and… That was good. But it was wrong."

"Yeah, well, just because something feels good doesn't mean it's a good plan."

Rey sighs. "Yeah." They're quiet. "You know, I'd been thinking this conversation was going to be a lot more perky."

"That's how I remember them being as a kid, too. But… We didn't lead perky lives, and we didn't rescue kids who had perky lives, so… I think we're helping them get to somewhere better than where they left. That's got to be good for something, right?"

"Yeah. It is."

"You want to fetch my man home?"

"Sure. Apparently, if it gets cold enough, people get over their aversion to teleporting, fast." Rey makes herself smile at that.

"The fact that it didn't kill Poe helped a lot, too." Rose says with a little smile.

Rey takes a minute to get a feel for where Finn is, with Poe in his ship, and then waves goodbye to Rose, off to get her man, and then wrap up the night with hers.

---

Kylo's on their chair, datapad in hand, looking over what is, hopefully, the final, final, final draft of the contract that will begin the eventual emancipation of Polonia.

Hopefully.

It's been through his lawyers, and him, and back to them, five times, and then it went to their lawyers, and their leaders, through Force alone knows how many drafts, and then it came back to his legal team, and they messed with it more, and back to theirs, and back to his again, and now it's back in his hands, and maybe, assuming he can read more than two paragraphs at a time without falling asleep (which is in question, he's already dozed off twice) they can finally get this things done, and start getting mining operations into play.

He feels Rey a heartbeat before seeing her, and tenses, there's this clinging sadness to her.

Then he sees her. And she does look down. He puts the pad on the table next to their chair, and holds open his arms. "Cuddle?"

She nods. "Yeah." And then curls into his body.

He strokes her back, and nuzzles against her face. "Wanna talk?"

"Not yet."

"Want me to talk?"

"Please." She nods to the table. "What's that?"

So, he tells her, and gets into it, and how eventually they'll get this thing signed and that might involve another outing of The Master and Mistress, and she groans a bit at that, though he can feel she's perking up a bit. He's distracting her. So, he bends the idea a bit, "Maybe, this one, it'll be a close gathering. Get their top… I don't know, ten people. You, me, Jon, Schiff, probably, since this is going to feed his shipbuilding needs, whichever one of my people'll end up provisional governing, and just have a nice, quite dinner."

She thinks about that. "I'd like that better."

"Me, too."

"Or maybe they'll want to do something there, and we can finally be guests at these things, and just have a good time and play," and he makes clear what sort of playing he's thinking about, and that gets a little smile, and a lot more sad.

He doesn't roll his eyes, but she catches his annoyance. Anything that makes her feel sad about sex is something he wants to smack. With a lightsaber. Hard. A lot.

That does get an eye roll from her. "Kylo."

"I'm not saying anything."

"I know. I can feel you not saying anything."

He inclines his head, kisses her forehead, and says, "I'm allowed to get annoyed about things that make you sad."

"You're allowed to get annoyed about whatever you like."

"Thank you." He strokes her hair. "Talk to me? So, I'm not just sitting here stewing, wishing I could fix it?"

"You can't fix it."

"Not if I don't know what the problem is."

"I promise you can't fix this."

He grins at her, or bares his teeth. "Try me."

Rey rolls her eyes, but that does get her talking. "That the galaxy is full of fucking evil shits. That my girls had maniacs spew filth into their ears about something that should have been beautiful. That Rose was on Hays Minor when the First Order came to town and had to fuck her way off of it." Kylo winces at that. "That the first time someone touched me it wasn't with love. That kids like you and Critt got raised with the idea that their bodies, their basic, human needs were something to be treated as a problem at best and disgusting at worst. That the past was raw and ugly, and it hurt people I love, and I can't fix it, and the best I can do is try and mend the future, but that doesn't make the scars go away, and…" And she's sad, and angry, and frustrated, and it's bubbling out of her, more in feelings than words because she can't fix it, and she can't make it better, and the future isn't promised, and all she has is the hope that this Maji thing means that more kids get better futures than did in the past, but she's basically on her own here, and there's only so many kids she can get to, and sometimes the problems are just too fucking big and…

And he holds on, and listens, and doesn't try to solve it, not right now, because that's not what now needs.

Now just needs to yell at the universe, because sometimes that's all you can do.

He strokes her hair, and lets her yell, because right now that's what she needs, and he's strong enough to take her anger, and to give her ears to listen to it.

And tomorrow, they can talk about doing better by the rest of the world out there, and trying to spread a better message, and the logistics of thousands of trillions of people, and the fact that they not only can't save them all, they can't save most of them, and if they're really lucky, and everything goes right, they might get something in the range of a decently-sized rounding error.

But maybe they can save some.

And that's got to be enough.

Notes:

Hmmm... when I was mentally envisioning this chapter, it was a lot funnier and perkier than it ended up being. I think a lot of you who mentioned that this chapter would be a lot of fun were thinking the same sort of way. I tried writing just the fun version, but... It didn't gel.

I guess this is one of the hallmarks of a Keryl Raist story, even the funny bits'll make you cry. Or maybe you get to find the laughs between the tears.

Next week, we've got the boys, and, yeah, that'll be *fun* in a laugh out loud and rip your heart out sort of way, too.