"No you hang up," Ross was saying, a stupid grin on his face. Rachel was watching him, feeling ready to explode. "No, you. You. You. Y-" Rachel grabbed the phone from him and hung it up. He stared at her, shocked.

"Sorry, thought you were talking to me," Rachel said grumpily. Ross took the phone from her and called Julie back. Monica took his seat when he left to go into the other room.

"Rach?"

"Whyyy is this happening to me?" she asked. "Thanks to Chandler, he's the guy I want the most and can't have. I can't stand this anymore."

"I thought you didn't want to involve him with the...you know," Monica said. Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe still didn't know Rachel was pregnant. She knew she'd have to tell them eventually. You can't hide a baby forever.

"I didn't. I don't. Yet, I do," Rachel said. "I'm not making any sense to myself at all."

"Baby brain," Monica said, nodding seriously.

"Uggghh! Then this stupid Julie had to come right at this moment in time? I hate her," Rachel growled. Ross re-entered making kissy sounds on the phone.

"Oh boy," Monica sighed.

"I gotta go. Don't wait up for me," Rachel said, rushing out. She passed Chandler and Joey, who were discussing tailors and pants, or so it sounded like. She wasn't really listening. All she could see and hear was Ross being lovesick with Julie. It was enough to drive her mad.

The Next Day

"Please, please, please will you just cut a bit off the back?" Monica was begging Phoebe.

"Nuh uh. You get all controll-y and weird. I'm not doing it," Phoebe said, crossing her arms.

"She's right," Joey said. "You do get anal about stuff."

"I am not anal!" Monica snapped, readjusting the coaster on the table.

"Said the anal woman," Chandler sniggered. She chucked the coaster at him, making him duck.

"Um, can you guys just close your eyes for a minute?" Rachel asked, her head sticking out of her room.

"Why? You got a man in there?" Joey asked, teasing.

"Bon giorno!" Paolo said, popping out behind Rachel, who had squeezed her eyes tightly shut, embarrassed.

"Oh no!" Phoebe cried, jumping up and hiding behind Joey. She remembered the last time she saw him. It hadn't been pleasant.

"Whoa!" Joey said. "Rachel!"

"I know, I know, I know," Rachel said. "So, so stupid. But I was really upset...it doesn't matter. Paolo, get dressed." She gestured to him and he obeyed.

"How did this happen?" Monica asked.

"I kind of...sort of...ran into him last night," Rachel said.

"Where?"

"At his apartment. Look, I already said I was stupid! Can we leave it at that?" she asked.

"Hey guys!" Ross said coming in with Julie. Rachel groaned. This was just getting better and better.

"Hey, Ross!" Paolo called, coming over and clapping his shoulder, grinning.

"Oh, you," Ross said, looking at Rachel quickly. "You're back."

"I do her," Paolo said, grinning still.

"He's back?" Ross asked Rachel.

"Yup. Problem?"

"Nope."

"Good."

"Bye, bye," Paolo said, kissing her goodbye. Phoebe deliberately moved out of his way when he passed. Joey made a menacing face at him. He knew how upset Phoebe had been about the whole ass touching incident.

"Well, I've got pants to be altered," Chandler said, getting up. He didn't want to hang around for the rest of this show. It was his fault Rachel was feeling this way to begin with, and that really bothered him. He had no idea how to fix it.

Later

"So you're not with Paolo?" Ross asked, confirming. They were out on the balcony to escape Chandler's ranting to Joey about his disgusting tailor.

"No. He was rude to Phoebe. I was just...lonely," Rachel said.

"You didn't tell him about the baby?"

"No! God, no. Never," Rachel winced. "I'm really pathetic."

"You're not pathetic. Any man would be incredibly lucky to have you," Ross said, making Rachel lean in, interested.

"Yea?"

"Yea. I mean, you deserve a guy who worships you and wakes up every day ecstatic that you're his girlfriend, you know? Like I am with Julie," he finished. Rachel leaned back out. She should have known that was where he was going with that.

"Right," she said, nodding.

"And remember, just because you're having this baby, it doesn't mean you'll never find love," Ross told her.

"Of course," Rachel said, getting teary. He hugged her tightly.

"Are you still moving back home?" he asked.

"I think so," she said, pulling back and wiping away her tears. He just nodded, unsure of what else to say. He watched her go back inside, feeling like he'd made a mistake somehow, but he wasn't sure what.

A Week Later

"This Hombre guy is starting to piss me off," Joey was saying. They were all at Central Perk hanging out on a rainy Saturday except for Monica.

"Why? Is he speaking another language?" Chandler asked, joking.

"No! He somehow manages to get the men to try the cologne he's selling. Everyone else runs away when I try," Joey said, thinking hard. "I think it's the cowboy outfit."

"No, I think it's his approach," Ross cut in.

"With the cowboy outfit," Joey said again. Ross rolled his eyes.

"You should try it," Phoebe said, imagining him in a cowboy outfit. It would look so hot on him she knew.

"Yea, I think I will," Joey agreed, smiling at her.

"I'll help you pick one out!" Phoebe said, excited.

"Ok!" Joey said, getting excited as well. They got up to leave together. Phoebe caught Chandler's face and shrugged at him. Chandler was still confused as to why she even liked Joey, but he reasoned that with the two of them missing half of their brains at times, they would make each other complete somehow.

"I've got to go pick up Ben," Ross said. "I hope Monica and Julie had fun shopping."

"Du-ude," Chandler said, gesturing to Rachel.

"Why would she care?" Ross asked.

"You're right. She wouldn't," Chandler corrected himself. "I just like saying du-ude." He remembered that Ross didn't know how Rachel felt about him now. He had almost let that out of the bag, again. Ross gave him a funny look before leaving.

"Hey, Chandler," Monica said. "We were shopping all day, okay?" She tossed some bags onto his lap.

"O-okay," he said just as Rachel came over.

"Hey! You went shopping," Rachel said, excited.

"I sure did!" Monica replied happily.

"And you went with...Chandler," Rachel said, noticing the bag on his lap.

"Uh huh," Chandler said. "We had lunch too. I had a salad. I'm so full." He clutched his stomach to show her.

"What did you buy?" Rachel asked. Chandler froze, as did Monica. He had no idea what was in the bag. He reached in, feeling something silky.

"Um," he said, pulling it out. It was lingerie.

"Wow, Chandler," Rachel said, looking at it. "That'll make you look so pretty."

"It's for his girlfriend," Monica said quickly before Chandler could reply. "He is giving it to her as a present."

"Yes, yes! My girlfriend," Chandler said, shoving it back into the bag. He was feeling flushed knowing that it was for Monica. He had actually touched Monica's lingerie. His fingers were even burning.

"I didn't know you were dating," Rachel said casually. "What's her name?"

"Her name? Her name," Chandler stuttered. "Her name is...Mon...dula."

"Mondula?" Rachel asked. "Interesting. Is she foreign?"

"You could say that," Chandler nodded.

"Ok cut the crap!" Rachel snapped. Chandler and Monica both flinched openly. "Mon? Who did you go shopping with?"

"Ju...ew," Monica said.

"Jew?"

"Yea. She likes being called by her religious description," Monica said, wincing. "Reaffirms her faith."

"I see," Rachel mused. She wasn't buying it. "Mon?"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Monica cried. "I went with Julie." Chandler leaped up and ran out of the coffee house before Rachel could start throwing things.

"You what?" Rachel asked, not hearing correctly.

"I went with Julie. I'm so sorry. Ross made me do it!" Monica told her.

"You went shopping with...Julie. Oh. My God," Rachel said, sinking into the couch.

"It was one time. It didn't mean anything. I thought about you the entire time!" Monica cried, sitting beside her.

"Get out," Rachel said.

"What?"

"Out! I can't even look at you right now!"

"All right. I'm going," Monica said, grabbing her bags. She hustled out the door only to see Chandler standing there. "What are you doing?"

"That bad huh?" Chandler asked. He started walking beside her.

"Oh yea. I think I just got banished from the Perk," Monica said, stunned.

"I'll bring you some coffee when you're pressing your face against the glass outside," Chandler promised. They reached her apartment, and she let him in. Ross was already there.

"What are you doing here?" Monica asked.

"Hanging out with my son," Ross replied. "Thought you might want to hang with him too."

"Sure!" Monica said, shoving her bags into Chandler's chest, making him gasp for air. She ran over to little Ben.

"I'll just put these away," Chandler said, taking the bags to her room.

"Thanks!"

"So, you had fun?" Ross asked her.

"It was okay," Monica replied. She busied herself with Ben so Ross wouldn't ask anymore questions.

"I'm just gonna go now," Chandler said as he passed. He was worried Ross might pick up on something between him and Monica if he stayed.

"See you," Ross said absently.

"Chandler? Wait," Monica said, getting up and following him out the door. "Thanks for trying back there."

"I did my best," Chandler replied.

"Well, it was pretty good," she said, kissing his cheek. "I'll see you later." Chandler stood there as she went back inside. He could still feel her lips on his cheek.

"I will never wash this side of my face again," he said to himself, going into his apartment.

Phoebe & Joey

"It looks perfect!" Phoebe said. Joey was modeling his white cowboy outfit for her.

"You think so? It's not too...white?" he asked.

"Not at all. Makes you the good guy. You said Hombre was in black, right?"

"Yea."

"Then you're the better one out of the two," Phoebe nodded.

"Thanks, Phoebs," Joey grinned at her. They headed towards the cash area. Joey had left the outfit on, making the cashier have to yank him down into an awkward position in order to scan it. They left with Joey rubbing his neck.

"It's gonna be great," Joey said. "Annabelle will love it."

"Annabelle?" Phoebe asked. "Wait, I thought you were with Sidney?"

"I was. It didn't work out," Joey said. Phoebe stared at him.

"But I thought she was perfect. She liked everything you liked," Phoebe said.

"Yea, well, it didn't work out," Joey repeated. "Drop it okay?"

"Did she cheat on you?" Phoebe pressed. "Cos I'll kick her tiny white ass!"

"No," Joey said, looking scared.

"Joey!"

"All right. I may have seen her with another man before breaking up with her," Joey admitted.

"Oh my God! Joey! Why didn't you say anything?" Phoebe asked. Why didn't you tell me so I could have had a chance?!

"It was stupid," Joey muttered.

"Trusting your girlfriend was not stupid," Phoebe corrected. "You're supposed to do that."

"I have a hard time with that," Joey told her. "If you haven't noticed, I don't stay with the same woman for very long."

"Why is that?" Phoebe asked. "Because you can't trust them?"

"In a way. I just...I got hurt real bad in high school, and since then, I just can't be with the same woman forever. It's not possible. They always leave," Joey said, hanging his head. "So I'm the one who leaves first before they can hurt me. I thought Sidney was different and even let my guard down, but she just proved all women are the same."

"Aww Joey," Phoebe said, putting her arm around him. It felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Even if she did tell him how she felt, he wouldn't stay with her. He wouldn't trust her. It would cause chaos within the group.

"Please just drop it?" Joey asked. "And don't kick her ass. That's embarrassing on my part."

"I won't," Phoebe promised. She was feeling her heart break. There was no way she could tell him now. It really disappointed her.

Monica & Rachel

Rachel couldn't even look at Monica when she came home from work that day. Monica tried everything to make her talk before getting angry.

"Look," she said as Rachel ignored her. "She's my brother's girlfriend. What am I supposed to do? Give her the cold shoulder? I can't! Ross is my brother, and I care about him. Yes, you missed your chance, but I can't hate him like you do because of that. He's..."

"You're brother. I get it," Rachel finished for her. "I'm just mad because Julie took him away and now she's taking you away."

"Rach! She'll never take me away from you! Julie is just Julie. You're Rachel," Monica smiled at her.

"Aww," Rachel said, crying. They hugged. Phoebe came in just then.

"Oh," she said, joining the hug. "I know I'm not a part of this, but I really need it too." She was still sad about Joey.

"We love you too, Phoebs," Rachel said, sniffing.

Across the hall

"Well, howdy," Chandler said as Joey entered in his cowboy outfit.

"Hit me," Joey said, sitting across from him at the counter. Chandler slid over a glass of milk.

"Why so glum, chum?" Chandler asked.

"Just bummed," Joey replied. He slid the glass back over to him for a refill. Chandler obliged before sliding it back.

"Hombre guy again?" Chandler asked.

"Yea," Joey lied. It was better than the truth. "I was the best! Now he's the best. Maybe I should serve cheese."

"And what happens when someone else comes along and serves cheese better, huh? Where you gonna go then?" Chandler prompted.

"You're right. I should stick my ground," Joey answered, feeling better.

"Damn right you should! Show that Hombre that you're the best cologne sprayer in the history of cologne sprayers," Chandler said. Cologne sprayers? He winced. Sometimes he wished his mouth would just stop talking. Joey laughed.

"Thanks, man," he said, heading to his room.

"My pleasure," Chandler muttered. He thought about Monica again. Maybe he should just go for it. Why did he keep thinking he wasn't good enough for her? Why did he keep letting the thought of them breaking up stop him from trying? He headed to the door, full of purpose. He was gonna do it. He was pumped.

"Phoebs?" he asked, seeing her in the hallway, crying. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied through her tears. Chandler felt his heart sink. This was not the time to profess his feelings to Monica. What if he made her cry like this? He couldn't live with himself if that happened. He was terrible at relationships, and he knew when she needed him to be committed in the future, he'd run. Commitment wasn't his thing.

"Obviously not nothing," Chandler said, sitting down beside her. He felt defeated.

"Joey will never stay with me even if we did get together," she cried. "He pretty much told me that without telling me."

"Oh. Phoebs, I'm so sorry," he said, putting his arm around her. He wondered if that was the real reason Joey was bummed.

"I should just give it up already," she sniffled.

"You think so? What if you guys are truly meant to be?" Chandler asked her. She shook her head.

"He'll never trust me. Thanks to some bitch in high school. Wish I could kick her ass," she growled.

"I think I'm getting too much insight into Joey's personal life for my liking," Chandler commented. "But still, if you think it'll never work, then I don't know what else to say."

"I should never have been so stupid in the first place," Phoebe said, wiping her eyes.

"You and me both," Chandler muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I should let the dream of Monica die too. I'm an asshole. She deserves much better than a guy like me who can't commit. She needs someone who can commit. It'll never be me," he sighed.

"You don't know that," Phoebe argued.

"Well, for now, I think it's for the best," Chandler told her. "Come on, let's go get some ice cream or something." He pulled her up and they walked down the stairs together. Two sad people who realized their dreams probably won't come true.