Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and am making no money from this.
Cho
I'd like to say now that Ginny apologized things are fine, and in a sense they are. Ginny has been good to her word, setting her past grudge aside completely. Her brother has been making efforts as well. Perhaps not as complete an effort as Ginny, but I appreciate the effort none the less. In another sense, however, the reconciliation talk Ginny had with me has created a new problem.
She advocated quite fervently for a double date, Fleur and I, along with Ginny paired with Harry. It's an absurd suggestion that I rejected out of hand, for the obvious reason of Harry being with me, not available for Ginny to date. Unfortunately, no matter how obviously absurd an idea it is, I can't seem to get it out of my head.
There's a certain logic to it which I can't find a way to deny. Fleur's easy to talk to, and when we do talk, the discussions go beyond the shallow sort of matters Harry and I discuss. And of course, there is the lack of arguments between Fleur and I. She hasn't ordered me around like a servant (yes, I still hold a grudge over that), she hasn't treated me like a helpless little girl incapable of defending herself (another grudge) or had issue with how I dress. I'm sure that whenever Harry finds out about my Quidditch contract he'll wonder if my appearance was a factor for potential marketing for the team.
A rather terrible thing to think about one's boyfriend. That cynicism alone should be a warning sign, either for a broken relationship or for a very pessimistic world view on my part. Perhaps both. Add that to concerns about my rather impressive talent for holding grudges, I suppose.
The entire issue of a relationship with Fleur versus Harry has really worn on me. It isn't simply an academic question, it's something that colors my dealings with quite a few of my friends. The Weasleys aside, it's difficult to talk to Fleur without wondering if relationship issues will come up. I do enjoy talking to Fleur, too. Mostly it's to vent or discuss issues in my life rather than to listen to whatever goings on Fleur might have, but so far she hasn't minded.
My dealings with Hermione and Pansy are something of an issue as well. Hermione's very protective of Harry, and while she's warmed to Fleur, there simply is no comparison for her loyalty. Pansy is just the opposite, she has no love for Harry, but likes Fleur just fine. I haven't mentioned Ginny's suggestion to either of them. Actually mentioning it to one would be the same as telling both, I suppose. Regardless, I can well imagine their reactions: Hermione pointing out that I'm with Harry (and depending on my mood her tone can venture well into know-it-all territory) and Pansy celebrating that I finally wised up about Harry and am trading up.
In some of the versions of that conversation I have in my head it can be rather amusing, picturing Hermione and Pansy as over the top versions of themselves. Of course the reality will never match the whimsy of my imagination, so I've made a point of avoiding the topic with them. A taxing endeavor, really. It shouldn't be, there's no reason it would come up in conversation (Hermione has learned that asking about my relationship with Harry will tend to yield only annoyance from me), but the fact that there is an issue to avoid at all wears on me. Things I don't discuss with Harry, things I don't discuss with Hermione and Pansy, it makes me miss the days when I could just talk to my friends and not worry about such things.
With no one to talk to I'm left to ponder the issue endlessly in my own head (pondering endlessly in my head is second only to Quidditch as my favorite pastime).If I were single at this point, would I want to date Harry or Fleur? There's no one else in the castle who catches my fancy, so it's a binary choice. Knowing what I know about Harry, would I do it all again? Given our issues, how we don't talk in any meaningful way, how he doesn't seem to know who I am or who I want to be, and how we argue so easily I'm forced to conclude that no, I would not date Harry if I were single. Now maybe part of the blame for our issues rests on my shoulders (more than I'd like, I suspect), but regardless the regrettable conclusion remains.
Would dating Fleur be better? It's difficult to say. Certainly she's easy to talk to and I like spending time with her; the signs in general are positive. But they were positive with Harry as well. So it's a gamble. I suppose every relationship is though. But given where I am, I think I would take the risk. This year I've been taking risks, doing things I never would have before, and despite some issues, it has worked out well I think.
So I suppose that settles it: all things being equal I would date Fleur. Of course, all things are not equal; this is not a question by a single girl of who to date, this is about me, the girl in relationship, however strained it may be. A relationship that I'm forced to consider may be a mistake. An unrecoverable mistake? I don't know.
And if somehow I did decide to abandon my relationship with Harry in favor of one with Fleur, how would I do that? Tell Harry we're taking a break? I doubt he'd understand what that meant. Simply dump him? Again, I don't know. Not knowing is not something I'm used to, and it is not something I care for at all.
Harry
I'm walking around the castle grounds with Sirius. Now that he's free we can do that, after all. For the first time I can remember, Sirius asked me out just to talk, not to relay a message or to discuss Voldermort, just talk. I suppose it's the sort of thing that's normal for family. Technically Sirius and I aren't, but close enough for our weird lives.
"So Harry, having a good year?" Sirius starts awkwardly.
"Um, all right I suppose. You?"
"Yes. Free and all." I don't think either of us is particularly good at small talk.
"So what are you going to do now? Get a job or something?"
"Eventually, though I have no earthly idea what I'd do. For now I'm staying around the castle."
"To keep an eye on us, or because of Voldermort or something like that?"
"On paper it's something like that. Really I just was hoping to spend time with you. You're more or less family to me, all I have left. Though I was rather hoping to be your rich uncle Sirius, not that either part of that worked out."
"Either part?"
"I'm hardly rich, Harry. My sole asset is a rundown row house in London that has no real value at all. It's a filthy, disgusting pit of pure blood hate. It would need months of cleaning to be saleable. Of course if I did that I would have nowhere to live. Also I'm not actually your uncle; we aren't related at all."
"So you really will need to get a job. Any idea what you'll do?"
"None, I'm afraid. I never had any real idea what I wanted to do with my life when I was in school, and then of course the war came. Now it's years later and I barely recognize parts of the world. So many years separated from it all has taken its toll on me."
"So you really have no idea? How long do you have to think about it?"
"I don't know. I suppose if need be I could ask Dumbledore for something here around the castle. There must be something I can do or teach here. But enough about me, what about you? There's quite some talk around the castle about you and that girl Cho Chang."
"Yeah, she's my girlfriend," I answer.
"Everything going well on that front?"
"If you know her name and are asking then I'm sure you've heard."
"Yes, there is no shortage of gossip about the two of you going around."
"A fight in the Great Hall will do that," I reply.
"Is there anything I can do to help? I do have some expertise in that area, after all."
"I don't know. Maybe. I just don't get girls. Cho's really smart and sometimes she'll be rational and logical one minute and the next she's as emotional as can be and it's like there's no in between, she just goes from one to the other and I'm supposed to follow along somehow."
"Girls can tend to be emotional, Harry, much more so than most males. But that's part of what makes them so interesting and exciting."
"How does that make them interesting or exciting?"
"It's the differences that make relationships worthwhile. If you were to be exactly the same as someone it would get very boring very quickly."
"I don't know, Ron and I are pretty similar and I don't get bored of him," I comment.
"Yes, but you aren't dating him."
"What's the difference?"
"Harry, I think you know the difference between a friend and a girlfriend."
"Yeah, but why are friends so easy and girlfriends so hard? It seems like all Cho and I do is fight anymore."
"Not all relationships are destined to work out. In fact most do not, but when you find the right girl you have someone who will stay with you for life. Now I can't say if Cho is that person or not, but just because you argue does not mean your relationship is doomed. Relationships need a spark, and arguing can be part of that, as long as it isn't to excess and isn't personal or mean."
"But is there a chance for Cho and I?"
"There's always a chance, Harry. But it doesn't sound like things are going well. I'd suggest you either talk to her, listen, really listen and try and reconcile, or otherwise accept the fact that it may not work out."
"I see. I'll have to think about it." I pause for a bit, then something Sirius said a minute ago hits me. "Wait, you said people in relationships shouldn't be mean? Then how are Hermione and Parkinson together? She's as mean as it gets."
Sirius laughs at that. "Hermione and the Parkinson girl are actually proof of the point I'm trying to make. There's no doubt there's some measure of conflict and sparks between those two."
"But how are they together at all? I just don't get it. Hermione says she's happy and she really looks it, but I don't understand how."
"People have different sides to their personality, I'm sure you know this. Around you and Ron Hermione is the responsible, mature one that keeps you out of trouble and makes sure you do your homework. But on her own Hermione can be quite different. She actually has a rebellious side to her, which is what I suspect the Parkinson girl appeals to. It's possible Hermione even has a mean side somewhere, though I've never seen it. To be with that girl you'd think that she must have some of that somewhere."
"Weird, I'd never think of Hermione as a rebel."
"If you want to know weird you should have seen the Parkinson girl's parents. I was in school with them, and they were as hateful as pure bloods can get. Exactly like you'd imagine I'm sure, on par with the Malfoys, both the one from my time and his son that you know now. To think that their daughter would be a blood traitor, a lesbian in love with a Muggle, I'd have bet any amount of gold against it. But people can surprise you sometimes."
Pansy
So I'm at breakfast with Hermione, Cho and Fleur, all reading the paper. Actually, the entire Great Hall is doing that. Somehow Hermione has the awareness to call Harry and the idiot weasel over when they come in.
"You two need to see this," She insists, holding out her copy of paper to them.
Harry takes it and stares at the headline for a moment before he starts reading it out loud for his idiot best friend's benefit.
DARK LORD DEFEATED
The masked vigilante, now famous for his high profile defeats of numerous Death Eaters finally had his seemingly long fated meeting with You-Know-Who yesterday afternoon in a small town near the Scottish border.
It was a Death Eater attack, like so many others, however with their ranks so depleted this attack was led by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named personally. And like many other such incidents, the as of yet unnamed masked vigilante arrived, managing to make the scene several minutes more quickly than Ministry Aurors. The vigilante fought and easily defeated the Death Eaters and then engaged the Dark Lord himself.
Several local residents witnessed the duel and recounted it to the Daily Prophet. The battle was fierce, lasting several minutes and laying waste to much of the village, however in the end the forces of light were triumphant. So complete was You-Know-Who's defeat that when Aurors arrived on the scene they bore witness to the final titanic blast that completely obliterated the body of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
When questioned, the masked vigilante refused to reveal his identity. However, Aurors pressed the issue, and the vigilante has agreed to reveal his identity tomorrow morning in Diagon Alley. Of course the Daily Prophet will be there to cover the story.
"What a loud of crap," I mutter.
"What, upset your side lost?" the idiot weasel just has to open his mouth.
"My side? If case you haven't noticed Death Eaters and all them call me a blood traitor, dumb ass."
"Yeah, whatever. We all know which side you were cheering for."
"I'm not sure that's the point Pansy was trying to make," Hermione cuts off the argument.
"Yeah, point is that it's bullshit," I agree with Hermione.
"Why do you think that?" Fleur asks.
"Just look at it. Some nobody village in the middle of nowhere? I mean they don't even name the damned place. Why the hell not? What would the Dark Lord even be doing there? And then some anonymous loser comes out of nowhere and can kill the him? Yeah right. And of course there's no body. Real convenient."
"You're just grasping at straws," the idiot weasel dismisses it all..
"Not naming the village could be some sort of security concerns, an effort to keep remaining Death Eaters from destroying it or treating it as some sort of shrine." Cho points out. "Still, the lack of a body is, as Pansy said, extremely convenient."
"Oh come on, don't tell me you're taking her side?" the idiot just can't let things go.
"I'm not sure; Pansy does raise some valid points. That being said, I don't know if Voldermort is really dead or not; I'm not sure any of us can determine that from only what's written here. There's simply too many questions and no real physical evidence. Certainly I'd like to believe he's dead, but there is a great deal of room for doubt here."
"What if it really is over though?" Harry asks in a hopeful tone.
"Harry, you shouldn't jump to conclusions," Hermione advises. "We aren't sure yet, after all."
"Yeah I know, but I'm just saying what if, what if it's true?"
"Are you deaf?" I ask. "Everyone just got through talking about how there's no proof and we shouldn't jump to conclusions."
"No, think about it. After this article if he was still alive he'd be out proving it, doing something big like trying to burn Diagon Alley down or something. But there's nothing here about any sort of stuff like that."
"How could the article have both the announcement and reaction to the damned article at the same time?" Seriously? What a dumb ass.
"If Voldermort was alive don't you think the paper would be scared of saying something like this? Afraid he'd come and kill them for lying about him like that?" Ok, that point actually might be valid. I still think it's bullshit, but at least that one makes some sense. "Besides, the Death Eaters have been on the run for a while. Sirius said this may happen, so it's not out of the blue or anything."
"Harry, I know you want to believe, but I think patience is appropriate here," Hermione cautions. "We'll know more tomorrow, when either this vigilante is unmasked or Voldermort strikes back. Until then I think a wait and see approach is best."
"I know Hermione, I know."
But of course the idiot can't help but be an optimist. He's seen that paper lie left and right but he still can't recognize crap when he sees it; idiot has to always try and see some bright side, some positive outcome. But whatever, I know better than to buy that shit; I know the Dark Lord's not gone. If Potter wants to believe then that'll be his problem when it turns out to be a lie.
Fleur
We're sitting down for dinner, Cho, Hermione and Pansy at the Ravenclaw table like is normal for us now. We've just started to eat, barely past the usual small talk of saying hello and asking how each other's day was when Harry walks up to us.
"Um, Cho? I was hoping we could talk," Harry greets his girlfriend, not paying the rest of us any attention at all.
"All right. What's on your mind, Harry?" Cho replies.
"In private?"
"I just sat down to eat. Can we do this here?"
"Fine." Harry's rather obviously not happy about it, but he sits down anyway.
"So what did you want?" Cho's not giving Harry an easy time at all.
"I wanted to talk."
"So you said. Any particular topic?"
"I don't know, just talk. We never do. It's like, there's so many things we don't discuss. That's not good, is it? There's not much of a relationship here if we can't talk to each other. So I don't know…" Harry pauses, thinking. "Quidditch going well? With Voldermort gone that's the big thing for us I suppose. Your team's doing well this year. Still hoping to go pro?"
"Harry, it's still not a certain thing that Voldermort is really dead. And I was offered a Quidditch contract some time ago."
"What? You were? That's great. Wait, why didn't you say anything sooner though?"
"You didn't ask."
"I didn't ask?" Harry is obviously confused.
"No, you didn't. It happened the same day that newspaper story about Wormtail hit. You heard about and that and then stopped caring about anything else."
"Sorry, but that was a big deal for me. With him captured Sirius got to be free. He's my family, about my only family really. The only family that doesn't hate me at least."
"Yes, I know that, Harry. And I'm happy for you."
"So why didn't you mention it after that?"
"Because you never could be bothered to show even token interest in my affairs. I mentioned I had things going on, but you simply did not care. Instead you demanded I do this or that, speak to Fleur and whatnot. You couldn't be bothered to deal with me as anything approaching an equal you had genuine interest in, and frankly, I was ill disposed to volunteer anything when you were like that."
"What, you were mad at me so kept it secret? Come on, isn't that kind of childish, Cho?"
"Childish? How is it childish, Harry? It's somehow childish to expect my boyfriend to take an interest in my life? To expect him to care enough to ask, especially when I say I have things going on? I shouldn't need to volunteer things. You should care enough to want to know."
"Look, fine, I'm sorry. Can we just move on?"
"Move on?" Obviously Cho isn't letting Harry off the hook so easily. "No Harry, this isn't a thing you simply say sorry for and we move on. This is only the latest in a long line of incidents where I'm an afterthought. I've put up with this for far too long, and I will do so no more, nor will I forgive this with a simple apology. Either I am important to you or I am not."
"Of course you're important to me, Cho," Harry insists.
"The most important thing?"
"What? I don't know, I don't keep a ranking."
"Really? I think you do, even if you don't consciously realize it."
"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"
"You remember the Yule Ball, don't you? You had to choose between Ron and I. That should have been an easy choice. You tried to choose both of us, at best. Him at worst."
"What? Come on, the Yule Ball again? When are you going to let that go, Cho?"
"No, Harry. You don't get to make demands that I 'let it go' and move on like it did not happen. It did happen, and it was as clear cut an indicator of your priorities as can be."
"What? Ron was upset, I should just ignore him?"
"Yes!" Cho almost yells. "In a case like that absolutely you should. That was a date, a night that was supposed to be about us. So Ron had no date. So what? That is in no way a tragedy and certainly not your responsibility to deal with. And when Ron refused to leave our orbit, refused to leave us alone you should have gently told him to give us space. He inserted himself into that evening, he played off your well known compulsion to try to please everyone and you went glibly along with it."
"You're being unfair here, Cho."
"No, Harry, I am not. I should not have to compete for attention with your friends. I should not be your girlfriend only when it's convenient for other people, only when it fits into the schedule of others. I should matter. I should not have to wonder where I rank for your care or affection.
"Do you remember when Pansy first kissed Hermione here in the Great Hall? Pansy knew what it would mean. She gave up everything for Hermione: her family, her friends, her inheritance, her entire life. That's how much Hermione meant to her; that's what real emotion is, what love looks like. And I don't feel I'm being the least bit unfair in expecting the same. I don't care what the Weasley family has done for you; I should not have to accept being second in your affections."
Harry doesn't have an immediate response to that. I'm not surprised; Cho's right. A girl should never have to live with being second in someone's heart. Whether Harry really appreciates this or not, I don't know.
"I don't know what to say, Cho."-
"And that's part of the problem."
"Part of the problem? You're dumping all this stuff on me at once. What do you want here?"
"What do I want here? Where to begin. For you to say that I should and will come first? Say that this sort of thing will never happen again? Say you will tell Ron Weasley that behavior of the sort that went on that night is unacceptable and will never be tolerated in the future? Perhaps some commentary that you will try and address your codependency issues with that family? Or at least the tiniest hint of remorse or acknowledgement that you've done something wrong? That you realize you've hurt me with all this? That in the many times I've raised this issue it has occurred to you even once that it is something other than the rantings of an overly emotional girlfriend?"
"Look, Cho, I'm sorry," Harry starts, but Cho doesn't let him get any farther.
"No, that's not good enough anymore. You've said sorry before and nothing changed. A throw away apology isn't going to do it this time, Harry."
"You're not giving me a chance here."
"No, I've given you too many chances. And every time you say what you think you need to to ameliorate the situation and to simply shut me up. We're past that now; we're past words. It's either actions or nothing."
"What action?" Harry asks. "What, you want me to stop being friends with Ron or something? Because I'm not going to do that."
"I'm not telling you to stop being friends with Ron, Harry. But when Hermione needed it, Pansy found a way to show her priorities. It's time for you to do the same."
I don't know what Cho expects here, and from the look on his face, neither does Harry. It seems Pansy set a high bar for displays of affection. Odd, I wouldn't think of her as the example of romance, but apparently she is.
"What, I have to put on some show for you? Come on, Cho."
"I'm not asking for a show, Harry. But something more than a token apology? Yes. Talk just isn't going to cut it here."
"Oh enough Cho. Just enough. I came here, I'm trying to be civil and talk, I'm trying to apologize, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to put on some show just because you're in a bad mood."
"Put on some show just because I'm in a bad mood?" I think Cho feels like Harry is mocking her. "Fine, I'll be the one to put on a show then."
Cho turns to me and grabs my blouse, pulling me in close for a kiss, a lingering, passionate kiss that I eagerly return. Some small part of me deep inside thinks this might somehow be a bad idea, but right now I can't be bothered to listen. Kissing this girl is too good to pass up.
"What the hell, Cho?" Harry yells. It's still a moment later until Cho pulls back from me.
"There, you see, that's the effect dramatic action can have."
"That is not ok, Cho; you can't just go kissing people to make a point."
"Make a point? Would you like to hear a point I've been considering of late? Very well. I considered the question of if I were single, would I choose to date you or Fleur? We rarely talk, you seem to never take my side or put me at the top of your priority list, we've had no shortage of issues. Fleur on the other hand, she's easy to talk to, always listens, always has a smile on her face when she sees me, she's been an absolutely wonderful friend. Shall I share my conclusions with you, or are they obvious already?"
"Just what is your problem? I came here to try and fix things between us, not whatever the heck this is."
"No, you came to offer some meaningless apology for whatever I might happen to be upset over and move on. It's not that simple, Harry. Relationships take work, they take commitment. They aren't like an old shirt that you can take out when convenient and pack away when not."
"So I'm an old shirt now?"
"Not that I lacked sufficient evidence of your selective listening skills, but thank you for offering more. You ignore my point completely, hearing only an unflattering comparison involving you. The rest? Irrelevant it seems. As I said, more work on your part is desperately required. "
"I'm sorry, I guess I was still a little distracted by my girlfriend having just kissed some other girl." I have to admit, I'm still distracted by that as well.
"If you're going to keep ignoring everything of import I try to say then just what is the point of continuing this?" Cho pauses for a moment. "Clearly, there is none. It's enough; we're done. I'm with Fleur now."
I just got a girlfriend it seems. That's… unexpected.
"Damn," that Malfoy boy at the Slytherin table raises his voice, having obviously been listening in. "Potter's such a shit boyfriend Chang didn't just dump him, she dumped the entire male gender.".
"Oh shut up, Malfoy," Harry yells back at the blonde boy. "And Cho, maybe we can talk when you calm down." And with that he leaves.
Cho takes a moment to calm down before looking at me. "Fleur, I'm sorry, I overstepped there. Not only with kissing you uninvited like that but also with the blanket declaration of our being a couple."
"No, it's all right, the kiss was very nice." To say the least.
"And our being in a relationship? I've never been in a relationship with a female, but if you're willing I think I'd like to try it."
"I think I'd like that yes." There's probably several reasons why this is a bad idea. They can wait. I'm with my girlfriend now.
Author's Notes:
Yes, it's been a while since I updated this story. A long while. A very long while. I'm sorry about that, I really am. Actually I meant to post this chapter several months ago, but I haven't been able to get in touch with my editor at all. I don't know where he is, and I certainly wish I could get in touch with him, but at this point there's no more point in waiting I think. I'm sorry for any mistakes in this chapter, grammar and what not, as I said no editor helped on this chapter.
Now, as for the future, this story was planned to come in at 20 chapters and it will. Or rather, it has, I have drafts of the entire rest of the story and I'll start posting them up. I'd love to get help from my editor looking at them, but there's no real point waiting forever, so I figure I'll post a chapter a week and get it done.
As always, thanks to everyone who reads and reviews, I really appreciate it, and again, I apologize for the long wait between chapters.