A:N: I know I'm super late on this, and this story has probably already been done, but this was a request by super awesome roomie, who I introduced to the MCU for the first time in quarantine. This is my first Marvel fic, so please let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy :)

In his new lab at the Avengers compound, Tony stood staring at the hologram computer in front of him. Pepper's picture stared back. His hand hovered over the call button for at least the tenth time that day. He'd never hit call.

He had said he wouldn't call. He promised himself he wouldn't call. He really shouldn't call.

But he wanted to.

With a frustrated sigh, Tony cleared the screen and pulled up the diagram he had been working on. He'd been trying to design an improved missile system for his latest suit, but he hadn't gotten anywhere. He was a lost, unfocused mess. He had been for a while now

Every time he tried to work, tried to accomplish something, Cap's words kept bouncing around in his head: We all need family. He'd been right about that. But he was wrong about something else. The Avengers were family to Tony, in a way, but the only person who had ever really known him, who had ever really been his family, was Pepper.

And he'd gone and pushed her away.

He'd done the one thing he had promised not to do.

Tony had to resist the urge to put his suit on and blow a hole in his computer. He barely managed to resist.

He looked back at the missile system schematics. They were barely more than scribbles. Useless, like everything else he'd worked on lately. What was it that Pepper had told him once, that night when they danced at the charity ball? "I actually don't think you could tie your shoes without me." God, was she right.

He had to fix this, but how?

On a whim, Tony grabbed an old helmet from a suit design he was retiring. He had planned to take it apart and use the components for his next design, but instead he put it on.

"Record video message," he commanded.

"Hey Pepper," Tony sighed into the recording. "Man, it feels good to say your name. I know you said you needed space, and I know said I wouldn't call, but this doesn't really count as a call does it? Anyway, I just wanted to tell you a few things. Things I probably should have told you sooner, but you know how good I am at this stuff.

I just want you to know that everything I did, remaking the suits, creating Ultron, joining the Avengers again… All of it, I did for you. I know I let my suits become a distraction from everything, especially from you, but the truth is that I just couldn't bear to live in a world where I couldn't protect you, so I did the only thing I knew how."

Tony paused before going on. "There's this kid I met, his name's Peter. He's a special kid. He can do things normal people can't. Hopefully you'll meet him someday. He said something to me that I think explains what I'm trying to say. He said that, when you can do things that other people can't, and you don't do them, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.

I know, smart kid, right?

But he's right. I can't just give up the suits and stop being Iron Man, because what if something bad happens? How could I rest at night knowing I could have prevented the bad things from happening, but I didn't? And what if something were to happen to you? I'd never forgive myself if I couldn't protect you, Pepper.

That's why I did what I did. I know you wanted me to stop. I know I said I would, and I know I didn't, but at least now I hope you can understand why. I know you felt like I chose Iron Man over you, but that's not what I was doing. I chose to keep being Iron Man because I need to protect you. I'll always choose you.

It's always been you.

I don't know if any of this matters, if this changes anything, or if you'll even see this. But I had to try to explain it to you. You deserved an explanation, at least.

Anyway, I miss you. I don't have anyone but you, Pep."

Tony sighed and took the helmet off. He stuck it in a box and slapped Pepper's address on top. He'd give it to some acolyte around here to mail. One plus of being cooped up in this ridiculous compound. He had no way of knowing whether Pepper would put the helmet on, let alone keep it on and listen to his message, but he had to hope. He had promised he wouldn't call her, and this time he wouldn't break his promise. This was the best he could do. Mail it and wait.

There was only one problem: Tony Stark is terrible at waiting.

A few days later, Tony returned to the Avengers compound after testing his new missile system. It sucked. It hadn't worked the way he had hoped it would, probably because he hadn't managed to focus on any part of the design. He was just glad the suit didn't blow itself up while he was in it. He left the suit out in the yard, walked toward the compound, and hit the destruct button in frustration. He didn't even look back as the suit exploded behind him.

When Tony got back to his makeshift lab, the door was open. He went in and slammed it in frustration before he saw her.

"I got your message," Pepper said quietly, holding the old helmet up. She was sitting on the ridiculous couch someone had put in here. Tony had protested, saying he didn't need a couch and it would just take up space, but now he was thankful he hadn't used it for target practice like he had planned.

Before Pepper could say anything else, Tony collapsed on the couch next to her and started talking. "I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to call you, but I had promised not to, and I wasn't going to make that mistake. But I wanted to talk to you. There's so much I didn't say before, and I –"

"Tony," Pepper cut him off, holding up her hand. "Stop." She sighed. There was a pause before she said, "You blew up the suits. You said you were done. You said it was just you and me, and that was it. And then one night, I wake up in the middle of the night to find you building a new suit in the basement, and all you would say is, 'I couldn't help it'? How was that supposed to make me feel, Tony?"

"I know, I know," Tony said quickly, trying to placate her. "I should have told you before I started tinkering again. I should have explained everything, explained why I couldn't just stop. I shouldn't have just–"

"Gone behind my back and broken the most important promise you ever made me?" Tony at least had the grace to look sheepish at that. Pepper sighed. "You never even said you were sorry." He started to respond, but she silenced him again. "You got your chance to talk." She briefly held up the helmet again before putting it aside. "Now it's my turn. Look, Tony, I'm not upset that you built the suits again. Honestly, I kind of figured you would do it eventually. I'm upset that you didn't tell me."

"I know, I should have told you–"

"I wasn't done," Pepper protested, unable to keep a small smile off her face.

The slight smile encouraged Tony. "Sorry, sorry," he held up his hands, "My bad. You were saying?"

"Yes, you should have told me. But it's not just that. It's..." Pepper trailed off with a shrug.

"It's... what? Are you gonna make me guess?" Tony joked, trying to get her to smile more. "Let's see... you're also mad at me because... I never make the bed? Because... I talk too much in my sleep? Because–"

"Tony, would you please take this seriously?" Pepper pleaded, still smiling.

Tony didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue.

Pepper's smile disappeared as her face turned contemplative. Eventually, she said, "Every time you go out to save the world, I never know if you'll make it back. I'm stuck there, thinking about the last thing I said before you left, wondering if it's the last thing I'll ever get to say to you. Wondering if I'll ever see you again, wondering… A lot of things. How do you expect me to live like that?" She paused a second before whispering, "you're all I have too, you know."

Tony smiled at that, knowing they were both remembering the last time she had said that to him. He took her hand in his. "I know," he said quietly. "You deserve better. But…" he shrugged, "This is who I am. I can't just sit around and watch terrible things happen in the world, not when I can do something about it."

"I know," Pepper said. "It's unfair of me to ask you to. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch."

There was a long silence before Tony asked, "so where does that leave us?"

Pepper shrugged. "I don't know."

Tony smiled. "Come here. I have something to show you." With her hand still in his, he pulled her up off the couch. He led her over to his main workstation and pulled up all the hologram screens he had been working on. They were a jumbled mess of notes and half-finished diagrams. None of it made much sense.

Pepper studied the screens for a minute, frowning. "What is this?"

"This," Tony said, gesturing at the clutter in front of them, "is everything that I managed to get done in your absence. It's a mess, mostly because I've been a mess." Turning to look at her, he quietly added, "turns out I'm useless without you, Ms. Potts."

Pepper smiled and looked at him for a long time before reaching up to kiss him.

Tony kissed her back, pulling her to him. God, he'd missed her.

When she finally pulled back, Tony said, "I did, however, manage to tie my own shoes without you. But Romanoff had to help the first few times."

"You're terrible," Pepper laughed.

"I know," he said, and kissed her again.