Chandler waltzed into Monica's apartment hoping to score a decent breakfast. He was humming to himself when he noticed movement and a scuffling.
"BAH!" he shouted, jumping in fright. There was a woman desperately trying to cover herself with a blanket, and it wasn't Monica.
"Hello," she said, waving. Her cheeks bright red.
"W-who are you?" Chandler asked.
"Oh, I'm Emily. I just moved in last night," she said, stretching out her hand. He looked at her, terrified, so she lowered it.
"You moved in last night?" he asked. He had no idea Monica was getting a new roommate.
"Well, perhaps 'move in' is a bit strong. I'm just using this place to crash at when I'm here. I also work in England, but she graciously offered me a place to land when I am here. I'm trying to get transferred to England full time," she explained.
"Okay," Chandler said, avoiding looking at her. Emily remembered she was wearing a blanket, so she gestured to her room.
"I'm going to go get dressed now," she said.
"Okay," he said again. He stood there, unsure of what to do next when Monica came in behind him.
"What's wrong?" she asked, noticing his body language.
"There was a naked English woman in your living room," he answered. "I'm just processing that."
"You met Emily!" Monica exclaimed. "Isn't she great? We met her a bit ago, and she mentioned she needed a place to stay, so I figured she could room here since Rachel moved out."
"I think I gave your friend a mini stroke," Emily joked as she came out of her room.
"Chandler never knows what to do with naked women," Monica replied, her eyes twinkling.
"That is so NOT true," he argued. Monica tilted her head, giving him a "come on" look.
"Hey, guys," Joey said, entering. "Hi, Emily."
"You know Emily?" Chandler asked, surprised.
"Yea. I helped her with some boxes last night," Joey shrugged.
"Thanks for telling me," Chandler commented. Joey went straight for the fridge, ignoring him.
"Well, I have to get to work," Emily said. "It was nice meeting you..." she paused.
"Chandler," Monica said for him.
"Chandler," Emily finished.
"Uh huh," he said. She grabbed her bag on the way out the door. She gave a wave as she closed it behind her. Monica chuckled as she moved around the kitchen, getting herself a coffee. Joey was now sitting and munching on some manner of leftovers he'd scored from the fridge.
"What did you want?" Monica asked, noticing that Chandler was still just standing there.
"I was wondering if I could borrow your hair dryer since I don't have one and Janice needs one," he said.
"Sure," Monica said, going to get it.
"So tell me," Joey said. "Are English boobs better looking than American boobs? I've always wondered." Chandler just stared at him.
Rachel & Ross
"Ugh!" she cried, slamming the phone.
"What's wrong?" Ross asked, looking over his newspaper.
"My mother," Rachel replied. "She keeps trying to invite all these people I don't even know."
"Did you tell her we're trying to keep it small?" Ross asked.
"Yes! She doesn't listen to me at all," Rachel sighed, flopping onto the couch beside him. He put his arm around her and hugged her reassuringly.
"Want me to talk to her?" he asked.
"That would make it worse," Rachel told him. "Please don't."
"All right," he nodded. His brain was already going into planning mode, however. Rachel looked at the clock and harumphed.
"I better get to work. Emily is going to show me how to do orders today," she said, giving him a big kiss.
"Okay. Have a great day, and I'll see you later," he said, smiling. She pulled on her jacket and grabbed the book that was on the table.
"What's that?" he asked.
"It's The Shining," Rachel answered. "Joey said it was way better than Little Women, so I'm proving him wrong."
"You're gonna read that at work?" Ross asked, alarmed.
"If I have time," she answered.
"Honey, maybe you better leave it," Ross suggested.
"Relax. How bad could it be?" she asked, scoffing. Ross shook his head after she left. Sometimes she made no sense to him at all.
Phoebe
"What are you reading?" Phoebe asked Joey as she sat down next to him on the couch at the Perk. Chandler was in the other chair examining his fingernails.
"Little Women," Joey replied. "Rach was right, it is a pretty good book."
"Oh it is!" Phoebe said. "I don't know how it ends, though. It disappeared one day, and my Mom said a robber came and that was all they took." Chandler gave her an incredulous look while Joey looked concerned.
"Robbers do that?" he asked, looking at his book. "This must be worth millions. I better hide it then." Chandler switched his look to Joey.
"Hey," Ross said, coming in. "What's happening."
"Our two friends apparently go to the same doctor and got the same diagnosis," Chandler replied.
"What?" Ross asked.
"Never mind," Chandler sighed.
"Oh, here's Robert!" Phoebe sang. Joey's head snapped up quickly.
"Who?" he asked.
"This guy I met the other day. Yea, he's cool," she said happily. Joey scrunched his face in return, looking unhappy. Robert swooped in and gave her a kiss on her cheek, making her giggle. Joey looked like he wanted to throw the Little Women at him. Robert positioned himself in a way that startled Chandler.
"I'm up!" he shouted. "So up. Anyone want anything while I'm up?"
"I'll have a coffee," Phoebe nodded.
"Ross, come with," Chandler said, gesturing.
"What's wrong with you?" Ross asked when they reached the counter.
"Robert's coming out," Chandler answered.
"What? He's gay?" Ross asked, looking at Robert carefully.
"No! Out of his shorts," Chandler hissed.
"Oh, ew!" Ross choked.
"What do we do?"
"I suggest we just don't look directly at it," Ross offered.
"Right," Chandler said, nodding. "Like the sun."
"Hi, sweetie," Janice said, coming up to him.
"Hi, shnookems," Chandler replied, getting a kiss from her in return.
"Bye sunshine," Ross teased. He went back to the couch.
"I have the morning free," Janice said to Chandler, giving him a knowing look.
"All right," he said. Anything was better than looking at Robert.
End of the day
"What a rotten day," Monica sighed, pulling off her coat. Emily was sitting on the couch knitting.
"Oh?" she asked. "What happened."
"I had to work two shifts, and then I lost one of my fake boobs to a fire," Monica replied, showing Emily the blackened spot on her shirt.
"Oh dear," Emily said. Then she smiled.
"What?" Monica asked.
"Something tells me your day is going to pick up," Emily replied mysteriously. Monica rolled her eyes and went into her bedroom.
"Hi," Richard said. She took in all the flowers and the candles.
"Oh, wow," she said, throwing herself into his arms.
Central Perk
"How are you doing with your book?" Joey asked when Rachel came for a coffee after work. Chandler was back as well.
"Great. Danny went into room 217," she answered.
"Ohhh that's the best part!" Joey said excitedly. "He finds that dead lady..."
"Ahhhhhh!" Rachel shouted, covering her ears. "Joey!"
"You remember how Jack tries to kill them with the blank and they manage to get away?" Joey asked Chandler.
"You jerk!" Rachel cried, smacking him with the book.
"You need to work on your secret language," Chandler told Joey.
"All right, all right," Rachel said. "Jo turns down Laurie's proposal despite the fact she loves him and he marries Amy."
"Hey!" Joey yelped. Rachel glared. "All right, the boiler blows and kills the dad."
"Beth dies," Rachel spat out. Joey's face turned to horror.
"W-what?" he asked. "Beth dies?"
"Yup," she nodded.
"So if I keep reading, Beth is gonna die?" Joey asked again.
"No," Chandler cut in. "She doesn't die, Joe. Rachel is making that up." He gave her a pointed look.
"What?!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Joey is asking you if you destroyed the first book he's ever loved that doesn't star Jack Nicholson," Chandler said. Rachel got it then.
"No, she doesn't die," she told Joey, who was immediately relieved.
"What would make you say that then?" he demanded.
"To hurt you," Rachel answered. He shook his head and went back to reading.
"Has he been here reading all day?" she asked Chandler in a whisper.
"Pretty much," he nodded.
"I'm impressed," Rachel said. She waved at them and went out the door to go home. Phoebe came in a second later.
"Okay," she said to the two of them. "You have to tell him." She had wrangled out of them what had been so funny earlier, and now she couldn't not see it.
"We can't. We barely hang out with the guy," Chandler pointed out, smirking.
"Yea. We're not really in the same ball court as him," Joey added. He and Chandler high fived each other. He was secretly pleased at this flaw in Robert. It was clearing driving her crazy.
"Stop it!" she hissed.
"Hey, guys," Robert beamed as he came in. He got settled in the chair, and all three of them flinched.
"We need to talk," Phoebe said.
"Seriously! Why does this keep happening to me?" Robert complained. "Is it something I'm putting out? Or am I just nuts?"
"Oh God," Phoebe choked. "I...I really don't know how to answer that." Joey was fighting the laughter by biting his cheeks. Gunther came over then to clean off the table just then, and he noticed Robert.
"Dude, this is a place for family. Put the jewels away huh?" Gunther snorted.
"What?" Robert asked, looking down. Then he saw. "Oh...oh I'm so sorry." He crossed his legs together, embarrassed.
Monica's apartment
"Oh, hey," Rachel said to Emily as she came in. "I'm just here to grab my hair dryer. I left it here." She went into the bathroom to find it. Joey came into the apartment then, looking scared.
"Hello," Emily said.
"Rach!" Joey called. Rachel came out, wondering where her hair dryer went, then she saw his face.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Beth is really sick," Joey said, his voice teary.
"Aw honey," Rachel said.
"Jo is there, but I don't think there's anything she can do," Joey went on. Rachel gave him a big hug.
"You wanna put it in the freezer?" she asked.
"Yea," he nodded desolately.
"Okay," she replied, taking the book from him. She went over to Monica's fridge and put it in the freezer.
"Interesting," Emily noted. "I have a few books that could go in there too."
"Best place for them," Joey nodded.
"Well, I can't find it, so I guess I'll have to buy another one," Rachel sighed.
"Find what?" Joey asked.
"My hair dryer," she answered.
"I saw that," Joey told her.
"Where?"
"In our bathroom," Joey replied.
"What is it doing there?" Rachel asked, going over to get it. Joey followed.
"I dunno. Janice was using it this morning."
"Was she?"
"Yea. Monica gave it to Chandler," Joey shrugged.
"Hmmm," Rachel said, taking it.
"Maybe she didn't know it was yours," Joey suggested.
"Maybe," Rachel agreed. "Is that the time?! I'm late for my date with Ross." She scurried out the door, leaving Joey standing there scratching his head and imagining how Jo saves Beth from her illness.
A Week Later
"Tell me I'm being crazy," Chandler said, coming into her apartment. Richard looked up at him with raised brows.
"You're being crazy," Richard replied on cue.
"Oh, it's you," Chandler muttered. "Where's Monica?"
"Showering," Richard answered.
"I'll come back," Chandler said.
"Wait, wait, wait," Richard called. "I happen to be a good listener too, you know." Chandler sighed and closed the door.
"Okay, so here's the thing. Janice is getting divorced, but she keeps hanging around her husband. She says it's because they have a child together, but I can't help but think it's more than that," Chandler explained. "Am I wrong? Am I just being insane?"
"Hmm well, I can see how disturbing that would appear," Richard mused.
"What should I do? Confront her?" Chandler asked.
"I think you should trust her," Richard said.
"Thanks a lot, you big tree," Chandler scowled, leaving in a huff. Monica came out just then and saw Richard sitting there looking amused.
"What?" she asked.
"Do I resemble a tree?" he inquired.
"No?" she said, confused.
"I thought so," he nodded.
Ross & Rachel
"Wedding planning is hard," Rachel pouted. She and Ross were trying to finalize their venue, but there was so much to choose from.
"Well, we've got a lot done so far," Ross said, looking at their list. It was true.
"Maybe, but it just feels never ending," she sighed. "Have you gotten a suit yet?"
"No," he answered. He kept meaning to, but something always came up.
"Emily is willing to help you when you're ready," Rachel said. "I don't know if it's bad luck for me to see your suit."
"I don't think that's how it works," Ross laughed.
"Still," she said. "I'd rather not."
"All right," he smiled, kissing her. After a few moments, they gave up on the venue and went to the bedroom to something far more productive.
Joey & Phoebe
"I can't believe she took my song and ditched me," Phoebe moaned. Leslie had tricked her like always. She should have known that woman didn't really want to be partners again. She just wanted another jingle idea.
"She's a bitch," Joey nodded. He was debating about taking her hand, but he honestly wasn't sure if that was appropriate right now.
"I'm writing a new song," Phoebe told him.
"Oh yea?"
"Yea. I'm calling it 'Jingle Bitch is a Witch.' Too much?"
"Nope. Sounds about right," Joey grinned. He watched her write the lyrics down on paper. He admired her creativity sometimes. He looked at the way her hair draped over her face as she worked. His mind starting going elsewhere when Chandler came bursting in. Joey jumped as though he'd gotten caught doing something wrong.
"She's cheating on me!" Chandler shouted.
"What?" Joey asked. "How do you know?"
"I saw them in the park. He hugged her!" Chandler yelled.
"Rat bastard!" Phoebe cried.
"He hugged her? Dude, that's not cheating," Joey said, confused.
"For all I know, they just finished a quickie in the park bathroom," Chandler growled.
"You need to chill out," Joey said. "She's being amicable with her ex for their child. She's not cheating."
"You're one to talk," Chandler snapped.
"Hey! Whoa! I might sleep around, but I'm no cheater," Joey said angrily.
"I think you need to talk to her," Phoebe suggested. "Chandler, you really need to."
"What if she says yes?" Chandler fumed. "What then?"
"Then you either fight for her or let her go," Joey answered.
"That's the worst advice I've ever heard," Chandler scoffed.
"I know where I'm not wanted," Joey said, getting up. He was hurt by Chandler's words, but he did realize his friend was suffering in pain and wasn't fully thinking. Chandler sat beside Phoebe, radiating anger.
"Is this really all about Janice?" Phoebe asked.
"Of course it is!" he snapped.
"You sure? Or is it that Monica got back with Richard?"
"Wha-? No. I don't care about that," Chandler said carefully.
"Really? So the little digs you make about Richard are nothing?" she prodded.
"I dig, Phoebe. You know that," he huffed.
"No, you make a joke and then move on. With Richard it's constant. I think you still have feelings for Monica," Phoebe said.
"I do not! I love Janice! She's cheating on me, and I'm devastated."
"All right," Phoebe agreed. "Then go talk to her."
"I will," he said, getting up hastily. He ran off. Phoebe went back to her lyrics. Chandler's anger had rubbed off on her, and she came up with some great lines for her song.
Monica & Richard
"Should we be doing this here?" Richard asked, concerned. "Won't your roommate be home?"
"She's in England," Monica replied, kissing him. They were on her couch getting busy when they heard the shouting. Monica stopped and looked at Richard.
"What's that about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. She slid off him and went to the door. He wasn't far behind her. They went into the hall and stood outside Chandler's door.
"Need a glass?" she asked.
"I'm not that old," he snorted. "I can still eavesdrop properly." They pressed their ears against the door.
Chandler & Janice
"What are you saying?!" Janice cried. She was standing there wringing her hands.
"I don't know. You tell me!" Chandler shouted. "What was with the hug in the park with the King?!"
"You think I'm cheating?! I'm not cheating on you!" she shrieked. "Chandler! How could you say that! How could you even think that!"
"I don't know! You've been with him a lot lately! Explain that!"
"We have a-"
"Without using the kid as a reason!" he bellowed. Janice blinked, tears forming and starting to fall.
"Chandler," she sniffled. "I'm not cheating."
"Maybe we should take a break," he suggested.
"Maybe you're right," she said. They stood there for a moment not saying anything.
"So what now?" he asked.
"I'll see you later," she replied, grabbing her purse and going to the door.
Monica & Richard
"She's coming, she's coming!" Monica hissed. Richard yanked her back with him and they fell into her apartment just as Janice came out of Chandler's. She stared at them lying on the floor.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Trying something new," Richard replied. "It's called 'how fast can you do it with the door open before someone comes along.'" Monica gave her a nervous smile. Janice just huffed and stormed off. Monica crawled off of Richard and they sat up looking at one another.
"What do you think is gonna happen now?" Monica asked.
"I don't know," Richard replied.
Three Days Later
"She's not returning my calls," Chandler moaned. He was lying on Monica's couch with Monica and Joey nearby.
"You told her you wanted a break," Joey pointed out. "What did you think a break meant?"
"I thought it meant take a couple of hours to clear our heads then move on," Chandler answered.
"Oh boy," Monica said, worried about his sanity.
"Hey, Chloe invited me to this club to listen to her DJ friend," Joey said. "Wanna come? Might take your mind off Janice."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Monica warned.
"No, it's a great idea," Chandler said. "I'll come."
"Fine. Don't listen to me," Monica huffed. She already knew it was a bad idea.
Ross
"Do you really think this is the one?" Ross asked Emily. He was standing amidst all the suits she had brought him.
"I'm no genius, but yes, I think it is," she nodded. She stood back to examine him again. "How does it fit?"
"Like a glove," Ross admitted.
"Lots of room in those important places?" she asked.
"Loads," he agreed.
"Good. You look very sharp," Emily smiled. She brushed the dust off the shoulders of the jacket while he looked at himself in the mirror.
"Yea?"
"Yes. Rachel is a very lucky girl to be marrying such a fine gentleman," she told him.
"Thanks, Emily," Ross beamed at her. "How's Colin?" He knew from Rachel.
"He's...all right. I'm starting to feel he's not as committed as he's letting on," she sighed.
"I'm sorry," Ross said.
"What can I do? It's life. There will be another," she smiled. "Now, let me wrap this up for you, and you can cross 'getting a suit' off your list."
"Blimey!" Ross said happily
"You know, we don't say that as much as people think," Emily commented. Ross laughed nervously.
Later
"Ugh," Phoebe groaned, sitting down next to Joey.
"What's up?" he asked. He had left Chandler upstairs getting ready for the club.
"My date's translator keeps getting in the way," she sighed.
"You're dating again?" Joey asked, surprised. She gave him a quizzical look.
"Of course. Why do you say it like that?"
"No reason," Joey said quickly.
"Joey, is there something you want to tell me?" she asked.
"N-no," he denied. "Nothing." She looked at him for a moment, deciding something.
"I think you're lying," she said.
"Nope. Not lying," he said nervously. "Oh! Look at the time!" He jumped up.
"Joey!" she called after him.
"Gotta go!" he shouted back. He hurried up to get Chandler. That had been way to close.
Later-Janice
Monica had told her where to find him. She agreed with Janice that Chandler was being ridiculous and jealous, that he wanted to talk to her. Janice fought her way through the crowd, looking for him. She caught sight of him dancing with some bimbo with a belly button ring. She froze, watching. He was laughing with this girl, and she was touching him. Janice felt betrayed. She turned and fled, going to the one place she never thought she'd go. After knocking, the door opened, and her husband stood there.
"Hi," he said, surprised. She threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately.
The Next Day
"You really turned her down?" Joey asked. Chandler was across the counter from him, his hair standing up from the rough night of sleep he'd had.
"I did. Chloe is hot, but she's not Janice," Chandler said.
"Hey," Monica said, coming in. "Did Janice find you?"
"W-what?" he asked.
"Yea. She came by yesterday looking for you. I told her you were with Joey at the club," Monica answered. Chandler immediately panicked.
"Oh my God!" he shouted, grabbing his coat and running out the door.
"Isn't he gonna feel stupid when he realizes he's not dressed," Joey chuckled.
"Joey, what happened?" Monica demanded.
"He danced with this girl for a bit then we came home. He was alone when I tucked him in," Joey added.
"If Janice saw that," Monica trailed off. She didn't finish the sentence. She went back to her apartment, leaving Joey confused.
Later
"Joey," Phoebe said, coming in. "We need to talk." He was sitting in his chair watching Baywatch, so he turned it off.
"Talk about what?" he asked.
"The other day," she answered. "You being all down about my dating."
"I wasn't down about it!" he argued. Phoebe went to reply when they heard shouting in the hall and fumbling at the door.
"Uh oh," Joey said. He grabbed Phoebe's hand and yanked her into his bedroom, shutting the door just as Chandler and Janice burst inside.
"Chandler, we need to talk about this!" Janice cried.
"How could you do that?!" Chandler shouted. "I don't want to be near you right now!"
"I thought you were with that girl!" Janice yelled at him. "I figured if you were gonna do it, then I should get to as well!"
"I didn't do anything!" Chandler said angrily. "I came home alone. Ask Joey!"
"Oh God, please don't," Joey mumbled on the other side of his door. Phoebe was beside him, listening.
"It doesn't matter! I made a mistake! Please, let's just talk about it!" Janice begged.
"All right," Chandler said "Let's talk about it. What was he like? Was he good?"
"Chandler..."
"No, no! You want to talk about it, so let's talk about it!" he yelled.
"What do we do?" Phoebe whispered to Joey.
"I think we're stuck here," he replied. They gave each other a look of horror.
Hours Later
"Can you hear anything?" Phoebe asked. She was lying on Joey's bed.
"No," he answered. "The pizza came, but that was it."
"I am so hungry," Phoebe moaned. Joey went over to his dresser and pulled out a bag of cookies. He shook them above her head, grinning.
"I love you!" she exclaimed quietly. They agreed it was best Chandler and Janice didn't know that they were there listening.
"Really?" Joey asked. Phoebe grew quiet then. "I...I mean of course you do! I'm your friend."
"Joey," she said. "Do you have feelings for me?" He fiddled with the cookie bag. "Joey?"
"All right," he caved. "Lately I've been thinking of you as more than just a friend. Maybe it's wrong, but it keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it or change it. I'm sorry." He sank down onto the bed, looking worried.
"Don't be sorry," Phoebe said, moving to sit next to him. "I've cared for you too."
"That sounds like past tense," Joey pointed out.
"Well, it was two years ago that I was in love with you," Phoebe said.
"Two years?!" Joey yelped.
"Shhhh!" Phoebe ordered, putting her finger over his lips.
"Two years?" he said again quietly once she removed her finger.
"Yea. Then you took back the kiss..."
"Oh God," Joey moaned.
"...so I figured you weren't interested in me. I started moving on after that," she finished.
"That's when I started liking you," Joey confessed. She stared at him.
"You're kidding," she said in disbelief.
"No, I'm not. Then you were with these guys, and it killed me inside," Joey told her.
"I noticed you hadn't been dating," Phoebe mused.
"I hadn't felt like it. I couldn't stop thinking about you," he replied.
"Oh," she said, covering her mouth with her hand.
"So, what now?" he asked.
"I don't know," she answered.
"Do you still have feelings for me?" he prompted.
"Possibly," she nodded. He felt nervous then. This was new territory for him. Loud crying started up in the other room, so they paused, listening.
"Poor Chandler," Phoebe said.
"Yea," Joey agreed, opening the bag. "Cookie?"
Chandler & Janice
"I can't look at you without seeing him," Chandler said. Janice kept sniffling.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"No, I'm sorry," he said.
"I still love you," she tried.
"I just can't, Janice," he said. "Please, you gotta go." She waited a moment more in case he changed his mind, but once she realized he wasn't going to, she got up sadly. He watched her walk towards the door and leave, walking out of his life forever.
3 a.m.
"You know," Joey said. "It's three a.m. and I'm not home. Shouldn't he have been worried?"
"Some people are self absorbed," Phoebe replied. They were lying side by side on the bed together.
"Back to you and me," Joey said, propping himself on one arm. "What do we do?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should just go on a few dates first?" Phoebe suggested.
"Okay," he nodded. "I like that idea." She smiled at him.
"Hey," she said suddenly. "I don't hear anything."
"Let's see," Joey said. They opened his door, and there was no one in the living room. Phoebe tiptoed to the door.
"See you later," she whispered.
"I'll call you," he promised. She smiled and went out the door. He fist pumped once she was gone. He was going on a date with Phoebe Buffay!