Thank you so much to my amazing beta, Krysyuy!

Hae Soo

Sitting in the back of the car, Soo kept her eyes on Wang So as he drove.

His black suit stretched over his shoulders when he turned the steering wheel. His hair was still tousled from when her hands had combed through the thick locks as his mouth...

Shaking her head, Soo cleared her thoughts and smiled at Yoon as the little girl babbled on. Soo sat between her daughters, having mediated a fight not twenty seconds earlier. Yoon had already forgotten pulling Mi's hair and Mi still pouted from her car seat, refusing to even look at her sister.

Soo leaned back and thought about waking up that morning, warm in Wang So's arms and pressed against his chest. He had woken her with kisses, initiating a sleepy round of morning sex. Lazily, they had fucked their way through the early hours of dawn before dressing and going to wake the children.

From the moment she had put her panties on, Soo knew that whatever she had with So would fade into dust. No matter how much she wanted to stay at the hotel forever, laughing and sleeping with him, real life burned holes through imagination, and Soo knew there would be nothing left between them but a few sunny days of weightless bliss.

It was time to go home.

She could not run from her husband forever. No matter how much she hated him, she could not condemn him for his actions. Yes, she felt betrayed, but she had also cheated. They had both thrown their marriage vows out the window and sullied whatever bond still remained between them.

We're both liars aren't we, Hwang Bo Wook? She pressed a hand to her chin in thought. Maybe it's karmic that we married each other.

There was guilt. Anger. Soo blamed her own weakness for kissing Wang So and sleeping with him. They had spent more of the weekend with their clothes off than on. They had bathed together, showered together. Soo had spoken to him about her past and she had learned about his. They had gone through however many condoms had been in the box before locating the sex kit amidst hotel amenities and tearing into that as well.

Yet as much as she wanted to regret the entire weekend and erase it from her memory, she could not. When was the last time she had bathed with Wook? When had she last showered with her husband? Had she ever had a meaningful conversation with him after Yoon's birth?

So had made her feel good. Both mentally and physically, he had helped her forget about her troubles during the time they had spent with each other. She wondered if she had been able to do the same.

"Mrs. Hae." Soo closed her eyes at the title So referred to once more. No more 'Soo.' Now, she was 'Madam' and 'Mrs. Hae'. Their little stint was over and Soo was Wook's wife again.

"Yes?" She looked up at her bodyguard, meeting his beautiful eyes.

"We've arrived."

Soo flinched when the realization hit her. Already, they were pulling into the driveway of her home.

A fresh layer of unperturbed snow covered the front lawn like a thick down blanket. She heard her children gasp and immediately begin pulling at their seat belts, eager to play. Soo looked at the snow and imagined it suffocating her.

The car stopped and the house's front door opened. Soo watched as her husband sauntered out, making for the car. His hair was sleek and styled in its usual side-part, but he was dressed casually in a t-shirt and sweatpants. Soo wondered if her husband might try leaving his hair messy for a day. She tried to remember what Wook had looked like when he was still a young lawyer trying to wrangle a case. She had liked his clean-cut eagerness. Her husband had once been lively even without the assistance of their girls.

"Daddy!" Mi called, beaming as Wook approached them. Soo unbuckled her children and took a deep breath to brace herself. She inhaled slowly and exhaled as fast as she possibly could.

The side door opened and Mi flung herself at Wook, who caught her in his arms. "Hi, Mi!" he called. Soo sat back as Yoon clambered out of her seat and jumped out of the car, hugging Wook's leg. "Yoonie!"

He carried both children, kissing them and greeting them with smiles. "Did you have fun with Mommy?"

Soo stepped out of the car and made herself to smile for the man that carried her children. Wook gave her a nod before turning back towards the house. "Let's get you kiddies in parkas and we'll have a snow day!"

She stood in the cold, her hands shamefully clenched into fists. What had she expected? For Wook to kiss and hug her? Soo bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Nothing is different, she thought. Nothing. No one cheated. He doesn't know that I know, and he doesn't know that I'm just like him. No one cheated. I'm coming home from my parents' house. We're still happily married and I love my husband very much.

Soo could hear Wang So unloading their luggage, setting the suitcases down onto the pavement. The clack of wheels on concrete brought her back to her senses and she tried to clear her head.

Soo flinched when she felt So's hand discreetly press against the small of her back. "It's cold. Go inside," he said quietly. She looked at him with wide eyes, but her bodyguard was busy organizing their bags, his hands making sure the latches were all closed. He did not look her way, so Soo heeded his words.

The house was warm and Soo was greeted by Chae Ryung who set slippers before her feet. Soo smiled at her assistant and entered her home, somewhat happy to be back in such a familiar place. She could smell something warm from the kitchen- like soup. Somewhere, Soo heard Yoon laughing and Wook growling her name. A maid carried two little parkas downstairs.

Home. She was home.

Soo walked to the living room and saw Wook holding Yoon by the ankles, gently bouncing her. Yoon giggled as her shirt rode up her stomach and Soo approached her daughter, pressing a kiss to Yoon's bare belly. "Mommy don't eat me!" her baby squealed.

Soo watched as Wook raised Yoon higher, saying, "Give Mommy a kiss!" She smiled as Yoon stared at her while upside down. Reaching to hold her daughter's cheeks, Soo pressed a kiss to her Yoon's lips and laughed when Wook flipped their youngest over and hugged her.

"Daddy will protect you," Wook said. When Mi appeared from around the corner, Soo watched her husband pick their first child up as well, embracing both girls. The scene before her reminded her of when So had carried both her children in his arms, trying to sedate one while the other just hugged him for no reason. He had been so kind to her daughters.

She helped Wook put the girls into their parkas. Soo held Yoon's hand and helped the little girl close her coat, guiding her so her hair did not get caught in the zipper.

When both girls were wrapped in thick layers, Soo put beanies onto their heads. "Mommy, Daddy, come on!" Mi called, bouncing with excitement. Beside her, Yoon clapped her mittened hands together and grinned.

Soo and Wook both smiled at their children. "You kids go first," Wook said. "Daddy's guard will be with you." Soo nodded encouragingly as the girls scampered off to go play. Wook's bodyguard walked after them while Chae Ryung dashed behind them.

Their departure left Soo alone with her husband in the living room. Somewhere, she knew Wang So was standing, keeping an eye on them. It made her uncomfortable to be in the same proximity as both men.

She raised her eyebrows when Wook sat down beside her. "You're awfully quiet," he noted. "Was the hotel not enough to quell your anger?"

Soo cringed as he put an arm around her. If Wook already knew about the hotel, then did he know about… "I just needed time alone," she said with as much nonchalance as she could muster.

"Then you should have said so, instead of lying about your parents' house." Wook's voice was quiet but Soo could sense the anger he hid beneath. "I'm your husband- you shouldn't lie to me."

Yet you lied to me, she thought bitterly. For years.

Soo looked at her feet as Wook sighed, leaning away from her. "I'm glad you're back," he sighed. Surprise made her blink at Wook as he rested his chin against his hand. "Do you remember when you were first pregnant? I came over to your apartment and you were so surprised to see me you actually fled in terror. I'd never seen anyone leave so quickly." He chuckled softly, touching her abdomen with his knuckles. "When you left on Thursday, I thought you were pregnant."

Soo looked at her husband. She stared at the square jaw she had once loved to kiss. "And what if I am?" she asked. Soo wondered how her husband might react if she were to get pregnant. "What if there's a baby in me? Our baby."

Wook merely shook his head. "I don't want more children, Soo." His hand moved to rest against the flat of her stomach, his fingers tangling in the soft material of her sweater. "Two girls is enough."

Soo's heart fell and she closed her eyes, leaning back against the cushions. Conflicting emotions waged war inside her mind. She did not know if she wanted a baby anymore. In the past, Mi and Yoon had brought Wook closer to her, but Soo did not know if she wanted to be close with her husband again. While one part of her told her to forgive him one more time, the other part told her to let go.

All she wanted was for her girls to be happy.

"Wook," she said quietly. Her husband tilted his chin in her direction. "Do you think our marriage is different? You know, from when we were first married?" Her voice felt weak and Soo wondered if she imagined her husband slipping further and further away from her.

"I think we're very busy people," he replied simply. His answer was too concise for Soo's taste, but she listened as he elaborated. "Marriage isn't about sex and dates, is it? I love you and you love me, and that's all that matters. We have a beautiful family and we're the bond that keeps it together."

No, Soo wanted to say. I slept with my bodyguard. I think he cares about me more than you do, and I barely know him. Marriage isn't what's keeping our family together, it's love. I love our girls and I love you, but do you really love me?

"Maybe," Soo murmured.

"Do you think we're lacking in areas?" Wook asked. Soo felt him sit up and watched as he put his feet on the coffee table. "If you want sex, I'll give it to you. If you want a date night, then put one in my schedule. If you think we need something, just do it."

I think we need to be together. We need to go on dates and have sex because we want to- not because we feel obligated to pleasure each other. I think we need to kiss and talk and laugh and cry and... just feel again.

She shrugged and tipped her forehead close to Wook's shirt. When she inhaled, she caught whiffs of cinnamon and vanilla. Soo felt bile rise in her stomach. She knew this scent.

That night she had touched herself while thinking about Wang So… Wook had come to bed smelling like this exact cocktail.

The sickening stench of perfume and her own misactions made her recoil and Wook frowned at her when she gagged. Soo could not help the tears that came to her eyes, but she would be damned if she let them fall. "Are you alright?" Wook asked. He scowled at the hand Soo clamped against her mouth to hide her shock. "Are you actually pregnant?" he demanded, his voice suddenly growing hard. "Hae Soo."

Shaking her head, Soo took a few deep breaths to try to calm herself. "It's… I'm not pregnant, but…" She pointed to Wook's chest. "You smell terrible," she coughed. "Like perfume."

What Soo had not expected was the flash in Wook's eyes. For a moment, she saw anger. Then, he looked worried. "Perfume? Is it yours?"

Soo continued to shake her head. "I think I'd know what my own perfume smells like." She knew it was futile to try to get Wook to confess. Years of cheating and years of politics only made him the better liar, and Soo knew she would confess to her own adultery before he did his.

Wook only shrugged his shoulders. "Well if you hate the smell of detergent that much, then…" Soo raised her eyebrows when her husband removed his shirt, revealing his broad chest and muscular stomach. There were no scars on his body, no marks of suffering or- as Wang So had put it- happiness. His body was devoid of life's emotions.

Soo gasped when Wook pulled her closer. She flinched when her cheek met his shoulder. "Is it unfair that I'm the only one without a shirt?" he asked quietly.

"I'm cold," she immediately replied.

"I can warm you," her husband said. Soo watched his wedding ring glint as he took her hand. Wook's hands were not rough like Wang So's, but smooth and more used to holding a pen than… whatever Wang So had held.

Soo cringed as she tried again to clear her mind of her bodyguard. There was nothing between them anymore. With his looks, So probably had women clamoring for him. His words of affection had hit her and Soo felt a fool for allowing herself to be swayed.

"I think I'm going to lay down for a bit," she murmured. "My head hurts."

Wook seemed miffed at her response, but he moved over so she would be able to rest her head on the other side of the sofa. Soo watched as her husband put his shirt back on. "I'll be with the girls," he muttered.

He walked away without another word, leaving Soo alone. She stared at the far wall and wondered where she had gone wrong. Her eyes flitted over the painting Baek Ah had gifted her when she had graduated from college. A flowery piece done by his own hand. It was Mi's favorite piece of artwork in the house.

She thought about her marriage and its ups and downs, trying to find the break in trust or the loss of romance. Wook was the father of her children; she could not just leave him- not when he was such an important part of their family. She knew she would stay for her girls. They needed their daddy.

Just for her Mi and Yoon, Soo would forgive her husband. She would stay with him and suffer in silence- as she had when he had cheated the first time. Then, they would forget each other's crimes and move on with their lives.

Soo closed her eyes in shame as she realized she still wished Wook would come back to her. She would forgive him time and time again if it meant he would love her and hold her as he had in their earlier days.

Soo sat at her vanity that evening, patting a cream into her skin. She glanced into the mirror and saw her husband with a towel wrapped around his hips. He shook the water from his hair and put underwear on.

"I'm going to see our Lily Flower," Soo said out of the blue. She watched as he paused, turning to look at her. They met eyes in the mirror. Wook's gaze hardened and Soo almost thought he was glaring at her. She asked the question she always did when she decided to go. "Will you come with me?"

Her husband remained silent and Soo closed her eyes as he looked away to search for his clothes. She wondered if Wook had ever cared. If he even missed their Flower. Her lips moved to silently mouth the word she knew her husband would say. No.

With a shake of his head, Wook put a shirt on. "I'm not going."

Soo pulled a fur coat over her pajamas, layering herself and making sure she would not freeze out in the cold. She decided against telling Chae Ryung where she would be going- Soo knew the governess would immediately inform her bodyguard and she was not ready to face him.

Quietly, she slipped out of the house and into the wind, remembering the night Wang So had stood with her. Perhaps that had been the beginning of her affection for him. He had kept her company when she had hit at her loneliest.

Soo walked to the stone shrines she had stacked so carefully, making sure not a single one would topple in even the strongest of winds. She remembered lovingly creating Mi's shrine when she was in her later twenties. As a new mother, Soo had prayed for her child to be successful in life, asking that Mi grow up to be a powerful person in society.

Now, she knew her past self as naive and foolish. Now, she prayed that her babies would be happy and healthy. That was all she wished for. Nothing else mattered.

Soo touched the third shrine- Yoon's shrine- and remembered beginning to stack it when she was newly pregnant. She had begged any god that would listen for their pity and kindness. Soo had prayed for her little dinosaur to be… alive. She had feared the most when she was pregnant with Yoon. She had constantly worried about her baby's life because of the second shrine.

The stack of stones between Mi and Yoon was shorter than the other two, but no less loved. Small and stout, it sat between its sisters, and Soo knelt before the little pile she had stacked. "Hello, Lily Flower," she said to her son. "Mommy's here."

Touching the cold rocks, Soo sighed and smiled at the little place she had dedicated to her second baby. Her Lily Flower.

"Mommy's here," she repeated, tucking her boots beneath herself.

The wind howled and Soo tossed a weed off of the middle shrine. She remembered a time- almost five years ago- when her Lily Flower had been inside her belly, growing and kicking. She remembered a two-year-old Mi marvelling at the flutters and Wook kissing her stomach.

"Lily Flower, it's Daddy," he would say, murmuring words of pride and adoration. Wook would always speak to their Lily Flower before bed, sitting beside Soo's stomach and telling the growing bump about his day at work and how beautiful Soo had looked that day. "You have the most beautiful mommy in the world, did you know that? Her name is Hae Soo and I snatched her off the market. Your daddy used his skills and got your mommy to marry him. And I'm the luckiest man ever. Did you know you have a big sister? Her name is Mi and she loves cats. When she was in Mommy's belly, we called her Princess because Mommy was so sure we were having a girl. I wonder what you'll be. I wonder what we'll call you when we get to meet you."

Then, one beautiful spring morning, Soo had gone in for her ultrasound. Wook had called her and Soo had laughed into her phone, jokingly asking if he would be okay if their baby was a boy. "What'll you do if there's a boy you have to contend with for my attention?" she had said.

"I'll just have to work extra hard to bring you back to me, then."

Her stomach had ached, but she had thought nothing of it, deciding that her body was still undergoing its changes. Little cramps and pains had become normal to her.

Cherry blossoms had bloomed for the first time that year and on that fine spring day, her Lily Flower's heart had stopped beating. His placenta had detached.

Soo gently stroked the stones beneath her hand. Her baby was not in them. She knew his ashes were buried in the Hae family's burial grounds, beside his great-grandparents. Soo remembered how she had screamed at the man making her son's headstone, shrieking that his name was "Lily Flower." Her brother had held her back from attacking him as the man had honored tradition and written "No Name" in bold Hanja characters before placing "Lily Flower" in tiny script beneath.

On the back of the stone was nothing. Soo had begged to have her name as well as Wook's and Mi's engraved onto the back, but her father had cut her off there. "You child has nothing, Soo. Tradition dictates that those without names must have blank headstones."

Her little Lily Flower had become No One. A tiny flutter with no name and no one's names to keep his company.

She had lost her husband after that beautiful spring day. Soo remembered how she had sobbed over the phone, trying to tell Wook that their baby was gone. That inside her, their Lily Flower was silent. He had hung up immediately and she had not seen him for a week. When he returned, he was different.

He had not been present when she had to birth their Lily Flower. Unable to contact her husband, Soo had called Baek Ah and her brother had arrived at the hospital, having cut all of his meetings and obligations to be with her. It had been Baek Ah who had held her hand, crying beside her as she suffered through her induced labor.

When Soo held her baby, she had sobbed while touching his face and cheeks, holding his tiny hands and rubbing his feet. He had only been a little bit smaller than Mi had been when she was born, and just like his sister, he was beautiful. Soo remembered how Baek Ah had kissed her son's head before the doctors took him away, covering his beautiful little face with a blue cloth.

She could recall how furious her parents had been that Wook had not been present for her labor. Baek Ah had shouted for hours on end, calling Wook hundreds of times to bellow insults into his voicemail. But Soo could not care about Wook- not when she had just birthed a baby she would never be able to raise.

After her miscarriage, Wook had gone away inside and Soo had felt the same. They refused to speak to each other and when they did, it was only to discuss Mi. Soo remembered how Wook's mother had saddled the blame onto her when she had tried to vent her anger to her silent husband.

"Is it Wook's fault that you lost his son? You were the one that let his child die! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Soo remembered how her husband had done nothing to stop his mother's verbal assault on her. A month of listening to her mother-in-law and Soo had left, taking Mi with her.

She remembered spending the worst month of her life hiding her depression and trying to raise her daughter. Rumors swirled of infidelity, but she did not care to listen to them. All she wanted was for her daughter to be safe.

She had only returned because her mother had forced her to either make amends or get a divorce. Soo had no idea if she had even wanted a divorce or not, but she had stayed. Wook was the father of her children, and Mi needed her daddy.

"Oh, darling," Soo sighed as she stared at the little stone tower. She heard the back door of the house slam and Soo knew who jogged towards her. She wondered who had tipped him off. Had he figured it out on his own?

He immediately knelt beside her and Soo ignored him, touching her son's shrine.

They sat in silence as Soo prayed. Whoever is listening, please help me to make sense of what will happen. Guide me so that I will do what's best for my children. Don't let me do anything that might hurt them.

Soo sighed and gazed at the shrine one last time.

When she stood, Soo looked up at the faint stars and watched her breath curl upwards to the heavens. Behind her, So rose to his feet and she heard him dust himself off. She wondered if he was cold.

Silently, she returned inside, not speaking to her bodyguard for fear of hearing his deep voice. She knew that she would fall apart if he touched her- if he spoke to her. He had impacted her so much, yet she felt as if she meant nothing to him. She wished she knew what to do.

They parted ways and Soo returned to her husband's side, sliding into bed where he was already asleep.

I understand that many of you are frustrated that SoSoo isn't kinda sorta happening at the moment, but please keep in mind that the story has over 50 chapters planned. Slow burn.

Thank you.