Sikgu (n.)- 식구, 食口
1. mouth to feed; dependant
2. family member

3. loved one

Wang So

Standing in front of the coffee machine in the servants' lounge, So waited for his double shot to complete itself. He shoved his cold hands into the pockets of his flannel pajama pants, staring at the wake-up call that would snap him away from the after effects of his all-nighter. He watched as black liquid dribbled into the mug he had placed beneath the nozzle. The machine hissed and purred, steaming and grinding as it released his coffee.

Having a high-quality Italian espresso machine at his mercy was a first in his line of work. So had usually found himself chugging back cups of black sludge hastily purchased from convenience stores or Starbucks, unwilling to taste the low-quality beans that were almost always burnt during the roasting process. Working for rich people did have its benefits. Food made by the family's chef and quality coffee was near the top of the list.

"'Scuse," Chae Ryung muttered as she reached past him. So leaned away from her and allowed her to grab a packet of sugar from the tea box that sat beside the coffee machine. "So are you normally quiet or are you just bored?" she asked. Chae Ryung was already dressed and ready in her typical white blouse and black pencil skirt.

So watched his coffee cease increasing in volume and he picked his mug up. "I'm usually quiet," he murmured, blowing steam away from his cup.

After months of loyally serving the Hwang Bo family, he had decided to take the day off. A well-deserved day of rest should have been in the books, but So had decided to go somewhere he only went once a year. He had business to attend to and people to meet. With the new year approaching, he knew of certain duties that he would have to complete.

He sipped his coffee as knots coiled in his stomach. So knew he would not be able to handle food. He was too agitated to even taste the drink that seared his tongue.

"Hm." Chae Ryung nodded. "I got used to being a morning person because the girls are usually up early."

"Ah."

"Do you have any plans to date or get married?" Chae Ryung sipped her drink with a hum. So shook his head.

"I have someone I like, but I don't think it'll last very long."

"She a lunatic?"

"No, she's just way out of my league." So scoffed to himself as Chae Ryung chuckled. "You?" he asked. The governess scratched her chin before sighing.

"I want to marry soon… preferably someone that lives in this neighborhood. My dream is to stop being a governess and just live in a house like this." So side-eyed his coworker as she blew steam away from her cup. "I'll start my own political career… hopefully marry someone with enough money to fund my campaigns."

So remained silent as the governess continued to open up. He wondered if everyone in the house had their own motives for entering the house- if everyone sought to gain something from the Hae-Hwang Bo family. It sounded like Chae Ryung wanted to become a version of Wook.

"I first took this job to see what it was like being a rich lady, but it turns out rich people are just like you and me. They have their share of problems and are human- they just have a ton of money, is all."

So nodded and thought about his schedule. He would have to leave soon if he was going to catch his bus.

They drank their coffee and So cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?" He turned toward the woman and watched Chae Ryung raise her eyebrows. He tried to take his mind away from the task he would have to complete by asking about Soo.

"Shoot."

"Was the 'terrible thing' you were referring to during the Hwatu matches- the one about Mrs. Hae… did she have a miscarriage?" He remembered holding back from hitting Wang Wook the other day. The bastard had dared to make Soo cry, bringing up memories that must have been nothing but agony. So remembered tossing and turning all night, wondering if she was alright. He had wanted to go to her after Chae Ryung had revealed that Wook was drinking in his office, but So had restrained himself, knowing that Soo probably did not want to see him.

So knew what death was like from experience. He knew what being a parent did to people. It made them feel invincible. He had gotten many an injury from people who fought to be with their children again. But once the offspring were deposed of, the victim lost all will to fight. They crumbled into nothing and let So kill them. It had perplexed him to no end that parents would choose to die than be in a world without their children. His parents had never shown such remorse towards him.

Chae Ryung sighed and bobbed her head. "I've been at this house since Soo and Wook had Mi. I was her first nanny before I was upgraded to governess. Soo and Wook tried for a baby a year or so after they had Mi and they succeeded. They were both so happy. I can't remember another time when they were both so glad to be with each other.

"Well, Soo made it to seven or eight months. Then, the placenta detached and their baby died. It just… stopped breathing." The governess's shoulders rose and fell as she took a sip of her coffee and shook her head. So stared at his feet, holding his mug in a death grip. "Devastated them both. But I guess Wook just broke inside. I took clothes and other necessities to Soo at the hospital after she'd had the baby, but he never went to see her. It was her brother who held her hand through labor."

So set his cup down before it could shatter within his clenched fist. His anger doubled as he fought to keep his composure. Distracting himself with stories about Soo had only sought to further wind him up.

He dressed down for the day; no more suits or neckties. The place he was going was not one where any of that was necessary.

So wore a green sweater and jeans. Dress shoes were replaced with sneakers, and he pulled a winter coat and hat on while shouldering his backpack.

When he stepped out of the servants' lounge, So was surprised when he immediately encountered Yoon. The little girl held a doll in her hand and stared up at him with her enormous eyes, curious. She giggled and bounced over, hugging his leg. So thought it was cute how her pink and blue pajamas matched his jeans. "Hello Yoon," So said, leaning to greet her. Yoon stuck her tongue out at him before continuing to laugh. "Why are you up so early?"

"Going?" she asked, stepping away from him. So noticed one fist firmly grasping his pant leg while the other tossed her toy away and pointed to his bag. "Miss So going?"

Chuckling, So knelt until he was at eye level with Yoon. She was so tiny compared to him that he wondered if she was even the size of his torso. " Mister So's going just for today," he explained to the animated girl. Her eyes lit up and he found himself mesmerized by the sparkling innocence that she exuded.

"Where? Why? Why?" Yoon asked, hopping on the balls of her feet. Her hair flounced and So grinned at the little girl's energy. "Yoonie too! Yoonie too! I'll follow Misser So!"

Nodding his head to her movements, So felt himself continuously smiling. Yoon danced around and So slowly swayed to her movements. "Mr. So's going to see his parents," he said. He wondered if the child could sense his nervousness. He wiped his clammy palms against his jeans and Yoon frowned and paused, tilting her head to one side. So watched her eyebrows furrow and her little lips purse in concentration.

"Pay rent? See pay rent?"

So patted the child's head, gently sifting the fine strands of her bangs away from her eyes. They were the same eyes Hae Soo had. Amber and chocolate framed by long, black lashes that blinked prettily. "I'm going to see my mommy and daddy," he explained. "Mr. So's going to his mommy and daddy."

Yoon beamed at the mention of 'mommy and daddy' and she bobbed her head up and down. "Yoonie's mommy is Hae Soo," she declared proudly. "Yoonie's daddy is Hwa Bo Wookie!"

"That's right, Baby Dinosaur." So glanced up from the child as Wook stepped into the hallway. The politician wore an easy smile and yawned, stretching his arms out. "Why are you up so early?"

Standing, So bowed to Wook, remembering his place in the household. Reluctantly, he bent at the waist, biting back the fury he felt at the sight of the man that had made Soo cry. Hwang Bo Wook only grinned at the child that clung to So's leg. "Good morning, Mr. Hwang Bo," So said quietly.

"Good morning," Wook replied. So noticed that the politician did not even spare him a glance. A quick nod and Wook was invested in his daughter.

"Daddy!" Yoon released So's knee and scampered over to her father, opening her arms for him to pick her up. So watched Wook hoist his daughter into his arms and kiss her cheeks, commenting about how much she had grown overnight.

"You must be five kilo heavier than you were yesterday, Yoonie! Did you eat snacks in your sleep?" Yoon squealed with laughter and So took that moment to excuse himself.

Slipping from the house, he walked off its lavish grounds, exhaling fog into the brisk morning air. He shoved his hands into his pockets and quickened his stride, trying not to shiver in the cold. He wondered if Mi and Yoon's school would be cancelled due to the amount of snow that had piled up around Seoul.Will Soo drive them if school isn't cancelled? Will Chae Ryung? Shit, I can't remember that part of the manual.

For a moment, So turned and debated returning to the house. Day off be damned, he knew the girls needed to go to school.

In the end, it was memory that made him continue onward. So frowned when he realized Mi's school was on holiday. The oldest would only be attending her hagwons while Yoon continued to attend daycare. It would be up to Chae Ryung to care for them.

So wondered if he was purposefully pulling himself back from going… there. To the place where he knew his parents still lived. To the little apartment they refused to move out of.

The front gate slid closed behind him and So began his trek to the nearest bus stop, walking briskly and trying to avoid hypothermia. He wished he had worn another shirt, or at least eaten a bit of breakfast. A single cup of coffee only provided him with caffeine- So needed sustenance.

"Hey, Mister!"

He turned when a young man on a bike pedaled towards him. So frowned at Lee Jung, the teenager that lived in the house across from Soo's. So remembered Soo speaking to him on her way to send Yoon to daycare. "Hello Jung," he called.

Jung caught up to him in less than a heartbeat, slowing his pace down to grin at him. "Where you headed?" he asked.

"Somewhere." So was in no mood to treat with the boy. He scanned over the young man and decided he would be in his earliest twenties or late teens. My younger brother might be this age if he's still alive, So thought. Like all of the children in the neighborhood, Lee Jung was bedecked in designer ware. So noticed a jade bracelet on the younger man's wrist and his silver and black bike was as pricey as it was dented. So wondered why a teenager required a bright yellow Versace parka.

"Cool, so what's it like being a bodyguard? Is it fun? Have you killed anyone?" The boy rattled off questions and So found himself peering at Jung's face in mild disinterest, wondering how he would easily be rid of the pesky child. "Since Mr. Wook is a politician, does that mean there are assassins out to get him?"

So almost paused at the boy's question. However, years of practice had left him with an immaculate poker face. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Being a bodyguard is mostly driving, following, and lots of paperwork. I have to maintain the entire house's security," he said. "Mrs. Hae goes somewhere and I follow her." Jung listened with rapt attention, slowly pedaling to match So's pace.

"But you're not with her right now."

Sighing, So nodded. "So it seems," he replied. He was thankful when another absurdly rich teenager pulled up on a bike, waving his hand at Jung.

"Lee Jung! Come on! Song Bum Soo says his older sister's bringing her Lamborghini over! Plus, I heard Yoo Ji Sung is coming too!"

"What? Really?!" Jung demanded. So nodded as the boy hastened to bow to him before pedaling off. "Ji Sung's really gonna come? But she told Bum Soo she wasn't going to!"

So walked to the outskirts of the neighborhood, past luxury vehicles and the occasional supercar. With his hands rammed into his pockets, he sighed and stepped out onto the main streets that connected the affluent neighborhood with the outside world. His heart beat quickly and he grew more antsy with each passing step. He was leaving the company of people like Soo and Yoon and entering that of his parents.

He took the subway to the outskirts of town, switching to a bus to take him even further. On the way, So bought a box of fruit and a sack of rice. Stopping at a store that specialized in red ginseng, he also purchased a case of roots. He felt a strange ball of emotions block his throat when he paid for the food with his credit card. The plastic that had thrown his parents into debt was now something he used regularly. He could easily afford the gifts wrapped in red cloth.

So arrived at a neighborhood with rundown buildings around lunchtime. He gazed around the poorly maintained apartment complex as he walked through the desolate parking lot. Children played in the snow, their hand-me-down parkas worn and frayed. They built snowmen and laughed, throwing slush at each other. A small fight broke out over who got to ride the sled next.

He waved to the children and they waved back, shouting at him. "Mr. So! You're back!"

Smiling, So nodded. "Happy New Year, kids," he said. The children laughed.

"It's not for another week!"

So only smiled as he watched the kids continue to play. "My mistake," he murmured to himself. This was the world he had grown up in. There were no Lamborghinis- no cars in general. No one in that area would even know what Versace was. They would shake their heads and scoff at the very notion of a single coat costing as much as a used car.

So entered one of the buildings and walked up its dirty stairs, inhaling the familiar scent of mildew and other nameless funks. He carried the gifts in his arms, trekking up to the fourth floor. His heart beat frantically and So could not tell if it was from walking up the stairs or because he was nervous.

He paused in front of a door before taking a deep breath. The doorbell was permanently broken; a baseball from Yo had destroyed the button and camera. No one had felt the need to scrounge up the money for a new one.

So knocked on the door, sending three sharp raps to the cold metal.

There was a moment of silence and he wondered if anyone was even home. Because there were only two cars in the entire neighborhood, it was impossible to know where people were.

"What?!" someone shouted from inside. So bit his bottom lip at his mother's shrill voice. The door cracked open and he met eyes with the woman that raised him. "Oh, it's you."

His mother was skinny and still wore bright red lipstick on her reedy lips. Her thin hair was curly around her wrinkled cheeks and her narrow eyes examined him with the utmost scrutiny.

So swallowed and let himself breathe. It's been twenty-three years since she last hit you. You're okay , he reassured himself. No matter how many times he returned home or told himself he had the skills to protect his body, So shivered when his mother leered at him.

He bowed when she allowed him in. "It's been a while, Mother," he greeted her.

"Is that Yo?" he heard his father shout. "Has our boy come home?"

"No, it's Second!" his mother called in return.

So cleared his throat, sliding his shoes off and carrying the gifts inside. He walked over gray carpet that had not been cleaned in years, his black socks padding through the tiny apartment that had seemed so much larger in his youth. The sofa was still misshapen and ugly, the TV layered in a fine coat of dust. A motley of brown, gray, and green melded together inside the home he had grown up in. The entire apartment smelled like stale cigarettes. "Father," he greeted the man that had sired him.

His father smoked in the kitchen, his paunchy belly hidden underneath a large hoodie. The older man was bald and held a bottle of soju in one hand while flicking ashes off of his cigarette with the other. " You'rehere," he sighed. "I was expecting Yo."

So did not let his parents' words get to him. Yo had cut ties with their parents immediately after high school, but So made sure to visit at least once a year, bringing gifts and trying to help the people who had raised him. "I'm sorry I'm a bit early, but Happy New Year," he said to his parents.

Neither seemed to have heard him, but So set the gifts onto the kitchen table. It was the same one he had eaten on and done his homework on as a teenager. Layered with marks of abuse, the once brown wood was littered with white scratches, stains, and burns. So lightly touched a math problem he had accidentally scratched into it.

(4-1)+x=5

"Second, why are you even here?" his mother asked. So cleared his throat, looking up at the woman that had raised him. My name is So. Please call me by the name you gave me.

"I- um, it's almost the new year," he explained. So stood taller than both of his parents and he knew he could overpower both if they tried to hurt him, but he still flinched at the sound of his mother's voice. "I thought I might come and share a meal with my parents."

So had once offered to move them to a nicer place. He had brought them enough money for the down payment on an apartment with heated floors and large rooms… but he had immediately been shot down. "Idiot!" his mother had shouted. "If we leave, where will Yo find us?! We need to stay because he'll come once he's president and take us to the Blue House! Idiot! You were always more stupid than your older brother! Take your dirty money! It's bad enough that you took away Yo's opportunity to pay our debts- what made you think you would take your brother's place, huh?!"

So sat on the floor and watched his parents ignore him. His father cracked a beer and his mother picked the knot on the silk wrappings open to reveal the gifts he had brought. "Mother, can you please make me something to eat?" So asked, smiling gently. He remembered Soo telling him he had a nice smile. He hoped she had not been lying. "It's lunchtime and I'd really like some rice cake soup- you know, because it's almost the new year."

His mother only grunted. "Go buy something. I don't want to cook for you." She looked at the box of ginseng before scoffing. "I see you're making enough to afford these? Are you trying to brag to us? Show off your money?" So gnawed on his bottom lip before trying again. He turned toward his mother with a wider grin.

"Mother, your son's come back after a year… Please, I'd like to have your cooking."

"Stop pestering your mother, boy!" His father's shout made So flinch. "My god, every year you come as if we want to see you! She'll cook for you when Yo comes home!"

So tasted metal as his teeth tore his lip open. Blood seeped against his tongue and his father's words stung. "Father, Yo hasn't come home for over twenty years," he said quietly. I have. "Yo hasn't sent any messages or any gifts." I paid both of your debts off. "Yo hasn't mentioned either of you in his interviews." I still say you're my parents.

He watched his father scratch the top of his head. "Second, you're nothing compared to our Yo. That boy- he became a politician! He's on TV and he meets with people from all around the world and represents our country! You- I don't know what you do, but I know it's something useless."

Swallowing, So shook his head and pulled at the collar of his sweater. He looked down at the ugly carpet he sat on, trying not to show how much his father's words affected him. Not useless… Hae Soo and her girls need me. Not useless… "I'm a bodyguard, Father," he said. "I protect Hae Ha Jin's daughter."

"Bah, that useless man?" His mother scoffed and shook her head as she dismantled the fruit box to remove the array of food So had brought. "Isn't his son-in-law Yo's competition? What's his name… Hwang Bo Something."

So blinked when his mother's head snapped in his direction, her eyes flashing. He felt his stomach roll at her leer. "If you're a bodyguard, then you should be protecting Yo's wife. We saw on the news that she's expecting a baby! Why aren't you protecting our grandchild?"

I'm an uncle? So thought. He coughed, trying to come up with an excuse. "I'm…" supposed to kill Hwang Bo Wook and his… family.

His stomach roiled and So swallowed back the bile that threatened to escape his mouth. He remembered that he was not actually a bodyguard, but pretending to be one. Yoon and Mi and Soo… I have to… I let them trust me… He shook his head, standing.

"It was nice... seeing you again, Mother. Father." So adjusted his coat and slowly bowed to the people that ignored him. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay long. I- I have to go back to work."

"Don't bother coming back," his father replied.

So did not respond as he pulled his shoes back on and exited the apartment.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs before his stomach heaved and he threw up into the bushes beside the building. Gagging, he emptied his stomach of coffee, shivering as he lost what little sustenance he had obtained that morning. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and So groaned, leaning against the wall he held on to.

He was too weak- against his parents, against the world.

Everything seemed so much colder and he held his arms, trying to rub warmth into them.

The bus ride, the subway, walking back towards the house he worked at… Dizzy and dehydrated, everything felt like a blurry haze. So had no thoughts other than his desperation to get back to Seoul.

He purchased a bottle of soju and a pack of cigarettes from a convenience store out of pure habit. After meeting his parents, drugs and alcohol numbed whatever wounds they had torn open. There was a reason he only went once a year. He gave himself enough time to forget.

Flicking his lighter, So lit up, allowing red and yellow flames to curl against the cigarette clamped between his teeth. But before he could take his first hit, he paused. Pulling it away, he stared at the white stick in his hand, watching the ashes collect as it slowly burned. The embers crept toward his fingertips, threatening to singe him.

Yoon and Mi won't like it if you smell like an ashtray, he thought. Soo won't like… Soo won't like if you smoke. She's not a smoker.

So sighed and hung his head. He tossed the stick into the snow and left his purchases behind for some other desperate soul. He could deal with his emotional wounds on his own. There was no reason to be a hindrance to Soo and her girls.

"How could you do this to them?" he asked himself. Holding his head in his hands, he moaned. "They trust you. You monster."

He was staggering by the time he entered the house. So took the back door and tried to be stealthy as he slipped towards the servants' quarters. The house was quiet- no doubt half of the staff were also taking the day off.

As he passed by the dining room, So caught a glimpse of Soo having lunch alone. She read something on a tablet while having a sandwich. He noticed her looking up at him as he passed.

"Oh my-" He watched her stand, setting her lunch down and tossing her napkin onto the seat. She rushed towards him, her white blouse fluttering. She looked angelic, and So stopped in his tracks when her hands grasped his arms. "Are you alright?"

Her warmth seeped through his frozen clothing and So swallowed thickly, nodding. He could not find his voice, imagining the scathing cold had rubbed his throat raw. "Where did you go?" Soo asked, her wide eyes imploring. Her voice was soft, gentle.

So gazed down at the woman that made him feel so safe in a matter of seconds. The one he had betrayed from the moment he had kissed her back. He unconsciously leaned into her touch, wanting to feel her unconditional kindness just a bit more. "My… hometown," he said. His throat ached with each word, his voice cracking and hissing. "I went to see my parents."

He watched Soo's eyes betray her shock and sadness. Her mouth opened and she exhaled, almost recoiling at his words. Her hand moved to touch his cheek and So felt something wet fall from his eyes at the loving heat that exuded from her very palm. Her voice was a whisper when she breathed the question he had asked himself for the past twenty years: "Why?"

Her thumb wiped his tears and So inhaled deeply. "They're my parents… it's the new year," he uttered, sniffling. He regretted not having those cigarettes and soju. This would not be happening if he had just numbed himself down. "I thought… I thought…"

He followed her when she pulled his arm somewhere. Blinded by his tears, he trusted Soo and went as she guided, trailing in her wake.

She instructed him to a chair and So sat as he heard a door shut. Soft footsteps neared him and he wiped his eyes.

Then, her arms were around him. So inhaled her warm scent as she held him against her chest, her hand gently patting his back. Honey and roses . She smelled sweet and kind and loving. She was safe and stable.

And the tears would not stop.

He clutched at her, unable to contain his gasping sobs. The agony he had endured, the years of hate, rage, and jealousy that he had swallowed with soju and cigarettes exploded as Hae Soo hugged him. His body racked with each burst of air that fled it, shivering as buried memories of abuse and loneliness made themselves known.

His tears stained her blouse but Soo never let go. "It's okay," she murmured. "Let it out." He could feel her heart beating through her shirt and her hand rubbed his back in the same rhythm. "You're safe now."

His shoulders shook and So let himself be weak. In that moment, he allowed himself a luxury he did not deserve, when someone he completely trusted was with him, keeping his monsters away. Soo protected him with her embrace and he let his walls crumble to ash.

I have to kill you, he thought to the woman that gently rubbed his back.

And more tears let themselves flow.

I can't kill you.

So grasped her shirt as her presence cemented itself within his heart.

I can't hurt you. Not now, not ever. I can't.

When his sobs died down, Soo wiped his eyes and continued to hold him even after his arms fell away from her sides. So wished she would never let go. He decided that he could be happy if he died in that moment, wrapped in Hae Soo's embrace. Warm and safe, he knew he could disappear without any regrets.

The world would be a better place with one less hitman.

"You have a fever," Soo whispered. Her voice was a melody, a calming song that soothed the wounds that covered his heart. She drew his thoughts away from dying and brought him back to the real world. His was a world of hatred and swindling and murder, but hers was a world of safety and compassion. He craved entrance into that world. "Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

"N-No." So shook his head against her chest. He felt Soo's hands going through his hair. She stroked his head in a way he had seen mothers do to their children, her palm holding the back of his neck and her other hand running down his hair. Now, he understood why. The very act calmed the turmoil inside his mind, allowing him to relax. A single touch was all that he needed to breathe easily.

"Then I'll help you get to bed. You need to rest."

Again, he blindly followed her.

Exhausted and dizzy, he went where she led him. It was seconds before So found himself in his bedroom, staring at the white birds that flew away on his wallpaper. Soo helped him out of his coat, hanging it.

"Take your clothes off," she said. So heard his closet doors opening and the shift of fabric. He removed his sweater as Soo procured a sweatshirt. He shed his jeans when she found the matching pair of sweatpants.

Changing into the clothes offered, So laid in bed and felt the mattress dip when Soo sat beside him, pulling the comforter up to his shoulders. Lightheaded, his eyes were already threatening to close as his muscles unravelled and his stress took flight like the birds on his walls. "I'll have some food and medicine brought," Soo sighed. So looked up at her and saw a halo of light shimmering against her dark hair.

She's so beautiful.

So felt her hand touching his cheek, her thumb tracing his hairline. He wanted to hold her, keep her by his side. He wanted her to stay, but he knew she could not. "Please stay in bed and rest. Take more time off if you need to. I won't mind."

With the last of his strength, So grasped Soo's wrist, holding her pure skin as it burned the sins away from his tainted hands. "Stay," he moaned. "Don't want to… alone…"

When So opened his eyes, she was gone.

A tray with bowls of rice porridge and clear broth sat on his desk with a white, paper bag of medication and a glass of warm water. A little slip of pink paper was taped to the cup.

The medication won't upset your stomach if you take it on an empty stomach, but please try to eat something. Feel better. -Soo

As he ate, he wondered if he had imagined the kiss Soo had pressed to his forehead.

Sorry 'bout that :)