Chapter 11
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Freyja's POV:
About two weeks later word came to us that those in the town, including the Jarl, were to celebrate the pagan harvest festival, known as Mabon, and Magni, and to my utter shock and a little dismay, I was invited as well.
"You have to come!" Magni said.
"Tell him I'm sick or something."
"And when he finds out your not, it will bring dishonor upon us all." If there was one thing that the Northmen feared as much as slavery, it was dishonor. The Northmen valued tradition and family honor and reputation almost more than anything.
I had no wish to dishonor Magni. He had taken care of me, risked his own honor even by taking me into his home and had asked nothing in return. I could put up with the Jarl for a few days.
"Alright I'll go."
Magni practically sighed in relief.
"There is one thing though Magni."
"Which is?"
"I am forbidden by God's law to engage in such practices involving any other, but God."
"Don't worry we'll have time enough to discuss that before we get to town."
...
We set off for town later that day, Kai dutifully following us, remaining alert for any sign of danger. Magni and I had decided to travel on horseback, a skill I had begun to learn from the Reeve when I was but seven and also one that I thoroughly enjoyed. It made me feel free, as if I could go anywhere. (It was even how I'd come to be named Freyja, because on the ship I had told Magni of my love of horses and he'd suggested calling me Freyja because horses were often associated with their goddess, Freyja.) The small Northmen horses were hardy, and had incredible stamina though they didn't look it. I had always found it amusing that such large people such as the Northmen preferred such small animals to ride on.
We kept the horses at a steady walk, there was no use tiring them out at the beginning of the journey.
"You look happy Freyja."
I glanced at Magni. "Being on a horse again helps to brighten up the morning. Granted there are many other things, such as my God, that make me happy, but it does gladden my heart every time I'm able to ride."
"Would a husband make you happy?" I flinched a little at his question, seeing as it had caught me completely off guard. I was silent for a few minutes before answering.
"I guess my mind's been busy with other things that I haven't thought about it."
We continued the next few moments in silence before Magni spoke up again.
"Freyja I wish to discuss something with you."
Oh no.
"If Agnarr decides to make you his wife will you at least consider his proposal?"
"Why?"
"Because I am getting old Freyja. I will not be around forever and when that day comes you'll need a husband who can protect you and provide for you. Agnarr is perfectly capable of both these things."
"I wouldn't care to marry a man for what he can give me, but for what's in his heart. I don't love him Magni, I barely know him."
Magni was familiar with the fact that in my land, courtship and marrying for love was common among non-nobles. In fact in the village everyone would try their hardest to prevent loveless, unhappy marriages from happening. Words to describe marriage in my land often associated the Sacrament with friendship between the spouses.
Magni was silent for a few moments, considering.
"No, but you might grow to love him in time. Agnarr is many things Freyja, but he is not evil."
"I doubt that after what he did."
"He's hard and can be brutal with his enemies, but to those he cares about he is every bit as brave and loyal as you are."
"I doubt a man like him has ever cared for anyone but himself."
"He has seen much...been through much."
"Like what?"
"Valdis would often treat him dreadfully, and one time she had an affair with another man five-years-ago and a son was born to them. Agnarr suspected from the beginning that he wasn't his son, since the child was born with green eyes which neither he nor Valdis possessed. His suspicions were confirmed as the boy began to grow and looked nothing like him. Valdis admitted to the truth after that."
"Why didn't he just divorce her right then?"
"He had to find a way to prove her unfaithfulness, and if he could do that, he could divorce her and keep all her property, including her son, whom he loved dearly even though he wasn't his, because he knew he'd have no claim otherwise. Valdis never cared for the boy, she was only concerned with seeking out other men and Agnarr knew he would never be taken care of if he went with Valdis. So he devised a scheme to prove her adultery. He told Valdis he was going on a hunting trip and made a point of riding out of town. Valdis then sought out Sigurdr (Sigurd), the Father of her son Brynjarr. Only Agnarr returned soon after and caught the two of them together in bed."
"I thought he divorced her because of her disobedience."
"That was more of a pretense for the rest of the community. Agnarr still had no wish to humiliate Valdis in front of everyone, when he'd already proved his case to several witnesses, who had been sworn to silence. Agnarr had given Valdis a choice, she could leave Brynjarr and all her property with him or else he would reveal what she'd done, to everyone. After the divorce he forbade Valdis from ever seeing Brynjarr again because he knew it would be hard for the boy to live with the fact that his own mother didn't want to take care of him."
Despite myself, a twinge of sympathy filled me at the thought of how much Agnarr had sacrificed for a boy not even his own. He'd given his time, his affection, his money, his fighting spirit, for Brynjarr. On top of that, it must have hurt him a great deal to discover his wife had been unfaithful after she'd made him a sacred promise. He could've easily exposed her to everyone and wrecked her reputation, but he did not.
"Does Brynjarr still live with him? And if so why haven't I seen him around?"
"He does, and Agnarr keeps him close because he doesn't want any encounters with Valdis or Sigurdr that could jeopridize his safety. He's four-years-old this year." Poor child, the divorce of his parents must've been hard enough, not to mention the added stress of worrying that the parents who failed him would come and try to take him away.
Magni and I were silent for the next few moments as we continued down the road. A thought then occurred to me.
"Did he love her?"
"Among Northmen Freyja, there is no room for romantic love. Friendship and familial ties yes, but matters of the heart for another cannot come first. It is a dangerous world we live in, and survival depends on family alliances, honor, and reputation."
"If you cannot believe in love, what can you believe in? Love is the most powerful thing in the world, and without it there is only darkness."
"It is not up to any of us to decide Freyja. These are things that are bigger than us, we have our law, our customs, and those traditions are sacred."
I was well aware of how tradition within the law and how justice was administered was rigidly maintained in the ways set down by the forefather's of the Northmen. Since the most important value among Magni's people was making sure family honor was maintained well after death and that tradition in every aspect of life was upheld, changing anything would be considered almost a sacrilege.
"If it isn't up to us, then who is it up to?"
"Freyja we shouldn't be discussing this. Come, let us hurry to get to town." Magni urged his horse into a canter, and sighing, I was forced to do the same.
...
When we reached town, Magni's friend Aki greeted us. (He'd allowed us to stay with him during the festival.) Her was about as solid as a bear, and an axe hung at his waist which I didn't find reassuring.
"Magni!" he called, rushing over and the two men proceeded to hammer each other's backs in delight at seeing the other. After a few words had been exchanged of events that had transpired while they were apart, Aki gave me one curious lifted eyebrow.
"Oh, forgive me, this is my ward Freyja."
"So you're the girl Agnarr keeps mentioning" Aki kissed my hand, giving me a quick once-over, before seeming to approve. I could tell he wasn't doing it in a forward way, but just because he'd never seen me before. Still I couldn't help feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"Is that a bad thing um...may I call you Aki?"
"Any friend of Magni's is a friend of mine, and no that is not a bad thing. It's not everyday a young girl like you can make a man like Agnarr so...shall we say...passionate."
"What do you mean?"
"He's basically been stewing and irritable ever since he got back from your house two weeks ago, about how you yelled at him."
"I was trying to save a man's life! And it's not my fault what he did! He should learn how to control his temper!" I exclaimed, rather indignantly.
"I never said it was your fault. Merely that you yelled at him."
"Freyja, remember what I told you" Magni whispered.
I took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Aki. I guess I'm still in shock from the events of the past few weeks. It was very rude to snap at you like that and I apologize."
Aki simply shrugged and said "Fair enough."
"Come the games are starting." I had learned that at festivals, since I'd never been to one, several sporting games such as swimming, wrestling and other tests of ability, strength or courage were practiced. I could hear cheering as we neared a large crowd. Two men were currently wrestling, one holding the other down in the sand in what looked to be a strangle hold, the man's breathing beginning to come in short gasps. With a start I realized that the man holding him was Agnarr. The crowd kept jeering on while the man was getting choked to death, looking almost on the verge of blacking out.
I wanted to shout "Stop it! Your killing him!" but I remembered Magni's advice. It would do no good for us or that man if we were dishonored, not to mention no one would sell food to us in the village and Magni, the two workmen, Kai, the other animals, and I would all likely starve. I felt tears prick my eyes as the man's eyes closed and he slumped to the ground. Agnarr pushing himself up and holding up his hands in triumph as the crowd cheered his name. At that moment, something snapped in me. I don't if it was fear, anger, or both, but I took off through the village, running towards the sandy beach at the end of the harbor, the closest I'd ever get to England. My home. A place where I didn't have to hide who I am, a place where I could hear the Church bells ring for Mass, where I could receive the Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist, the wafer of bread that was transformed by God coming upon the priest and turning it to his body and blood as he did at the Last Supper, a place where I could receive confession and absolution of sins from God through him coming down upon a priest. Tears streamed down my eyes and my chest felt heavy with sorrow as I sank to my knees on the sand.
"Lord God, why? Why is this happening to me? I hate it here! I just want to go home! Why me Lord God, why me?" I sank to the ground in full prostration, my head resting on my arm and wailing so hard my shoulders shook.
"Please help me. I can't take it anymore Father. I can't. Blessed Mother, ever Virgin please bring my petition before the throne of your Son, min Hélend (My Saviour.)*
I then began to pray the words Christ had taught us, anything to ease the sorrow in my heart.
**Fæder ure þu þe eart on heofonum;
Si þin nama gehalgod
to becume þin rice
gewurþe ðin willa
on eorðan swa swa on heofonum.
urne gedæghwamlican hlaf syle us todæg
and forgyf us ure gyltas
swa swa we forgyfað urum gyltendum
and ne gelæd þu us on costnunge
ac alys us of yfele soþlice**
I lifted my head slightly to cross myself.
"Excuse me?" a small voice said. I nearly jumped out of skin as I hurriedly got to my feet.
A small child, probably about four, was standing there, eyeing me curiously. He had dark hair that fell to his shoulder's and emerald green eyes. What was he doing out here all by himself?
"Hey sweetie what are you doing here all by yourself?" I knelt down to his level and gave him a reassuring smile.
"I saw you run away. So I followed you."
"Where are your parents? It's not safe for you to be here all alone."
"I ran away from my mistress. She looks out for me when Father's not around."
"What about your Mother?"
The child's eyes filled with pain and he looked down and shook his head. I felt bad for reminding him of something that was obviously very painful.
"Hey, let's go see if we can find Father." I stretched out my hand to him and he gladly took it. His small hand in mine as we strode back towards the sounds of the festival reminded me how vulnerable he was. How innocent. When we reached the festival, the child yelled "Father!"
He released my hand and ran to a man who quickly turned around and revealed himself to be none other than Agnarr.
"Bryn! There you are! I was about to organize a search party to come look for you! You scared me!" He picked up Bryn and held him tightly to his chest, which to my embarassment happened to be bare at the moment.
"She brought me back!" Bryn pointed to me and when Agnarr's eyes settled on my form, I instantly just wanted to run, but I could do nothing but remain frozen in place as he strode towards me, Bryn balanced on his hip.
"Thank you so much Freyja! You have no idea what this means to me."
Slightly stunned at his sincerity and obvious warmth and affection for the boy I could only reply shyly "I didn't find him. He found me. He said he followed me when I ran towards the harbor, I only brought him back. I apologize for misleading him."
"No need to apologize at all. To thank you, I'd like to honor you with a place at my table at the feast tonight, if you accept."
I glanced at Magni, who was practically beaming, and with eyes wide he nodded vigorously. The last thing I wanted was to sit by the Chieftain all night, but it would dishonor us beyond belief if I refused in front of everyone.
"Thank you for your generosity Jarl. I would be honored to accept your invitation."
"You can sit by me!" Bryn exclaimed.
"Bryn, we don't just order people like that. That's her decision. Ask her nicely" Agnarr gently explained.
"Will you please sit by me at the feast?"
I couldn't help but smile at his adorable question.
"Of course I will Bryn. I'd be delighted."
"What's delighted mean?"
"It means that I would like to very much."
"Oh. Father can I go play now."
"You can play tomorrow. You're staying with me for the rest of the day. You cannot keep running away Bryn, it's dangerous."
"But Gyda's no fun!" he whined.
"Regardless, she's looking after you and you need to listen to her. You understand?"
Bryn sighed.
"Yes, Father."
"Good." Agnarr kissed him on the forehead.
Agnarr then glaned at me again.
"Thank you again for your help."
"Your welcome. I'm glad he got back safe."
For a moment Agnarr gave a ghost of a smile, the side of his mouth quirking up. Despite myself, I found it made him more handsome.
"I'll see you at the feast tonight."
"Of course. Thank you Jarl" I replied, keeping my facial expression neutral.
"Bye!" Bryn called after me as Agnarr carried him away. And for the first time in a long while, I felt genuinely excited as I waved back.
*This is in the language known as Anglo-Saxon or more commonly known as Old English. It was spoken by the Anglo-Saxon people in England from roughly the fifth to eleventh centuries AD and fell away after the Norman conquest of England in 1066.*
**Lord's Prayer in Anglo-Saxon**