Chapter 12

Night had fallen and the time for the feast was fast approaching us. I groaned as I gazed at my dress in the mirror, it was the only one I had and was in no way fit to wear to the feast.

"This might help" Aki said, coming from behind me, carrying a large bundle. He unfolded it to reveal a bright blue shimmering dress that I couldn't help gasping at as I moved closer. I picked up the cloth, feeling it's silky smooth material and watched as it glowed somewhat when reflected by the candlelight. Perhaps that was the desired affect.

"It's beautiful."

"It was mi daughter's. She wore it to her wedding."

"Oh then Aki I couldn't possibly wear it then. I don't want to ruin something that must be so precious to her."

Aki eyes filled with pain for a moment, and he averted his eyes as he said "She passed away three days after her wedding."

He swallowed, choking back tears.

"Oh Aki I'm so sorry." I placed my hand on his shoulder, empathy washing over me for him, as I knew exactly how it felt to lose a family member. I remembered the first few months after the *Reeve had been killed and I'd been brought here, I'd cried harder than I could remember doing in a long while. The pain had felt so raw and hurt so much sometimes I couldn't breathe. I had lost my adoptive Father, but Aki had lost his own child. A child whom he'd fed, clothed, sheltered and watched grow up everyday.

"How old was she if I may ask?"

"Just about your age, perhaps a little younger. She was the only one the wife and I had. After that we never had anymore, though we tried often."

Even more empathy exploded out of me.

"I'm sorry if I upset you by talking about her Aki. It must've been so hard for you. No one should have to go through that. No-one. I lost someone close to me about a year ago before Magni took me in, so if you ever need a friend to talk to feel free to come to the house anytime."

"It's ok, I'm a big boy I can handle it but, thanks." He swiped his arm across his eyes wiping away the tears.

"I'd be honored to wear her dress tonight."

"I have something else." Aki pulled something from underneath his coat. It was a thin silver circlet.

"It's a krasen. Maidens usually wear it and then when they get married, it's taken off and wrapped in cloth, so if she has a daughter the mother will then give it to her when she's old enough. This one belonged to my daughter. It's been in the family for 3 generations and before she passed away, my wife said I could give it to another worthy maiden since we had no daughter's left. She said she'd hate to see it simply gotten rid of after it's lasted this long."

"Thank you so very much Aki. This is an honor."

I quickly changed into the dress behind the curtain, leaving my hair down, as was typical of Northmen maidens. I placed the circlet on my head, the silver contrasting perfectly with my black hair, and the blue of the dress fit it perfectly as well. I had to admit I looked stunning.

Yet, what if I walked in and everyone stared at me? I immediately wanted to change back into my warm, familiar wool clothes, for I hated being the center of attention. Worse off what if Agnarr thought it was pretty? Heaven forbid what if he asked me to marry him?

A growing sense of not belonging in this dress overcame me.

"Freyja, are you almost done? It's time to go" Magni called. I pushed the curtain aside. Aki and Magni were standing there, and Aki put his hand over his heart when he saw me, his eyes glistening just a little bit.

"Do I look funny?" I picked up the sides of the skirt a little to emphasize my question.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were Freyja herself" Magni said. I blushed at his generous comment/pun even though I wouldn't have preferred to be compared to their goddess.

"Aki may I speak with Magni alone for a moment."

Aki nodded, swiftly going outside, shutting the door softly behind him.

Magni raised his eyebrows at me curiously.

"I can't do this Magni. I mean look at me. I don't belong in this dress, I'm not a Jarl's wife, I'm just Freyja and that's all I want to be. What if Agnarr likes it and asks me to marry him?!"

"Freyja, listen to me, take a deep breath." He waited till I did so.

"Listen." He gently cradled my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. Tears streamed down my eyes as he held me a in warm fatherly embrace.

"It's not the dress you're afraid of, it's the power that Agnarr could give you."

"With power comes responsibility." I gently pulled away as he me gave a small cloth to wipe my eyes.

"Everybody would want to be around me only for what I can give them. I'd never have a normal life anymore. I can't lead people."

"Freyja, look at me." He gently took hold of my shoulders again as I looked him in the eye.

"What is it your most afraid of?"

"Losing myself" I sniffled.

"What if instead this could be the fulfillment of who you're supposed to be?"

I paused. I'd never thought of it like that before.

"Speaking of Agnarr. He has asked my permission to take you to show you something? I agreed if that's alright with you."

"Be alone with him?!"

"Freyja, I've known him for years. I swear to you on my honor that he is a good man and would never lay a hand on you or any woman for that matter. I trust him with my life."

"I'll retract my permission if you truly don't want to go. I'm not trying to guilt-trip you into doing something that I want instead of what you want."

"Oh Magni." I took his hands in my own.

"I'll go. I'll do it for you."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel obligated or manipulated into this."

"No, you've always been so good to me Magni and asked nothing in return. Let me do this for you and the reputation of your family."

"You're my family, probably all I've got left."

My eyes filled with tears as I hugged him tight. He placed his large, muscled hand on the back of my head, embracing me back.