Wang So

"Stoppit! Stoppit! I can do it by myself!"

So stood back and scoffed, lifting his hands in defeat. He nodded his head and retreated three steps, keeping his eyes on the source of the angry screech. His feet crunched over the snow-covered floor as he walked backwards.

Silently, he raised his eyebrows, daring Yoon to push herself on the swings.

"Fine," he replied coolly, his breath curling upwards. "Let's see how well you do without my help, then."

Yoon squirmed in her kiddie seat, her black parka squeaking as it rubbed against the swing. So watched as the toddler kicked her little legs and grunted, trying her hardest to go as high as her big sister was.

One glance to his left and So knew Mi was enjoying herself without him or her sister in sight or mind. The little girl happily swung without aid, her fur poncho fluttering with each movement of the pendulum. Her loose hair flew about her pink cheeks and So smiled at the girl as she laughed and closed her eyes, her mittens firmly grasping the chains that connected her seat to the metal bar above.

"How come Mi's going high?" Yoon whined. "Wanna go high! Wanna go high!"

The little girl crossed her arms and pouted, her bottom lip jutting out. So regarded the toddler that had just pushed him away, just barely masking his smirk. Yoon's hair was put into two buns atop her head, tied with blue and white ribbons. A typhoon would not be able to blow a single strand away from her head, and So found that hilarious to no end.

He remembered standing in the doorway of the living room, watching as Soo had braided her daughter's hair before using a hairspray to lock everything in place.

Soo had wanted to do Mi's hair as well, but the little girl had asked to keep her locks down, declaring something about wanting her hair to fly when she was on the swings. Soo had agreed and only slid a headband onto Mi's head.

So thought about how he had woken that morning with Soo in his arms, gently kissing her before leaving the bed and making for his room. He had taken to sleeping with her in her bedroom, waking before sunrise to return to his room like some scared teenager. But for all the hassle he went through, So knew he did not regret any of the breathless nights he spent with Soo. Nights filled with unhurried words and shared laughter, playful kisses and passionate sex. They fit like puzzle pieces. So loved holding her naked body in his arms and feeling her skin as they drifted to sleep together.

He glanced around at the girls and made sure they were still happy and playing.

Soo had tasked him with watching her children while she attended meetings with her brother. So had kissed her goodbye before standing inside and watching Baek Ah open the passenger's side of his Bentley for his sister.

"Mister So…" A sheepish little voice brought him back to the present. So glanced up at Yoon as she widened her eyes, blinking rapidly and pouting. "I can't move."

Nodding, So regarded the adorable child that so resembled her mother. "That tends to happen when you don't know how to swing." He sighed and pressed his lips together when Yoon's eyes welled with tears and she whimpered. "Hey"- stepping forward, So lowered himself to face the girl- "don't cry, Yoon. It's alright."

"I wanna swing like Mi!" she shouted. Fat tears fell onto fat cheeks and So tried his best not to laugh at his girlfriend's child. He stifled a chuckle at the three-year-old's very serious dilemma.

So opened his arms and collected Yoon against his chest as she cried, too frustrated to speak and too tired to kick her legs any further. Patting her back, So sighed and smiled once Yoon could not see him. Her parka softly complemented his coat as she curled against him like a giant black marshmallow. "It's alright if you can't swing," he said. "You can grow big like your sister and learn."

His ear tingled as Yoon sobbed into his shoulder. So rocked the little girl, hoping her volatile mood would dissipate into a happier one. "Yoonie, it's okay if you can't swing," he reassured her once more. "Is it naptime? Do we want to sleep? Mr. So can hold you. You just need to close your eyes."

He felt Yoon's arms wrap around his neck and So knew she was too tired to continue playing. The little girl held onto him and So supported her tiny body against his, walking towards where Mi still swung. "Is she sleeping?" Mi shouted.

So pressed a finger to his lips and nodded, unwilling to shout when his new goal was to put a cranky toddler to sleep. "We'll play for a few more minutes and go home, alright? Your mother says your uncle wants to take you and Yoon out for lunch."

He paced around the playground, keeping an eye on Mi as he rocked Yoon. So occasionally turned to make sure there were no outside threats. He was careful to stay in Mi's line of vision. He needed her to know that he would always be close by.

"Mr. So, are you brave?" Mi called. So glanced up from rocking the drowsy toddler in his arms before shrugging.

"I like to think I am," he replied. Mi continued to swing and So watched her expression contort into a frown. "Why? Did Mommy ask about me?"

"No, I just wanna be more brave," Mi explained lightly. She kicked her legs out to swing further and So felt Yoon squirm, burrowing against his shoulder and sniffling before going silent. "Daddy says I need to be braver than Mommy and Yoonie when he's gone. I have to make sure they don't cry and protect them because I'm the biggest sister."

So smiled and nodded. Though he knew he would be protecting the family, it was endearing to watch Mi take charge and happily announce she would maintain the family's balance. So wished her the best of luck in her endeavors.

"How did you become brave, Mr. So?" Mi asked.

Shifting Yoon in his arms, So held the sleeping child and took a step towards Mi. "Well, I made a lot of really bad choices. Plus, I took a lot of risks as a kid," he explained. So chuckled as he remembered exploring ponds and marshes as a child, catching frogs and minnows in soju bottles. He would ride on the rickety swings in the neighborhood and jump off of them, laughing when the whole structure also swayed with his violent movements. So had not realized how dangerous or idiotic his actions had been until he had become an adult.

"So if I take more risks, I'll be like Mr. So?" Mi showed no signs of slowing down and So frowned when Yoon whined, her closed eyes cringing and her mouth opening in a pout.

"Sh… Sh…" he murmured, rocking her. So took his gaze away from Mi and did his best to keep the girl in his arms asleep. "Mi, how about we go home now?" he asked. "It'll be time for you to go to lunch with your uncle in a bit."

There was no reply and So felt his blood run cold when Mi began to scream.

He looked up and saw an empty swing jerking around as it returned to its original position. So's eyes found Mi on the ground in front of the swing, her fur poncho enveloping her stunned form and her mouth open in breathless shrieks of pain.

He ran towards her.

So's heart rushed to his throat and he could not breathe as he carried Yoon and knelt beside her bawling sister. "Mi, what happened?!" he demanded. "Did you fall off?!" His eyes scanned the girl and So hissed at her torn leggings and bloody knee. Red seeped against pink pants and Mi held her ankle as tears fell from her eyes.

"What hurts?" he demanded, fighting to keep his voice in control. Dread filled So's heart as he begged every god in existence that Mi had only scraped her knee. "Hwang Bo Mi, tell me what hurts."

"A-a-ankle!" Mi shouted at him, her nose running as much as the tears that fell from her eyes. So glanced down at Yoon as the girl continued to sleep. He stared at the little girl's leg, trying to see if there were any signs of breakage.

"Alright," he decided. So crouched low and put an arm around Mi's waist, easily pulling the sobbing child off of the ground. He inhaled sharply when Mi cried out at the sudden movement, her hands grasping at his coat. "You're alright," he said to her. Mi's arms wrapped around his neck and So bit his bottom lip, trying hard not to share her emotions.

His heart panged as Mi bawled and So wished for nothing more than the ability to take any pain away from her. He wanted to shoulder her scraped knee and injured ankle, taking her agony.

"It's alright," he murmured as he unlocked the car. "It's alright. Let's get you to Mommy and you'll be alright. You're a big girl. Don't cry- it's f-fine." He stuttered against his own words, wondering how he could have let this happen. I should have been watching her. What if she's really injured? This is all my fault.

"Mi, hush, it's alright. Mr. So has you. It's alright. Let's get you to Mommy."

He set Mi onto her car seat first, watching the hiccuping girl click her seatbelt with shaking hands. So hastened to the other side of the car and locked Yoon into her car seat before running for the driver's seat and rushing to start the car.

Grateful that Yoon was a deep sleeper, So focused his attention on the road and Mi, grasping the steering wheel with white knuckles as the even-year-old whimpered from the backseat.

He remembered promising Soo that he would never let her children come to harm. With his phone in one hand, he immediately dialled Soo, calling her private number and waiting for her to pick up.

"Hell-"

"Soo, Mi's hurt. She fell off the swings and there's something wrong with her ankle." He rattled off whatever words that came to mind and So waited for Soo to respond, gunning the engine and making for the house.

"What?! How- bring her home now! I'll call her doctor! So, what- Baek Ah, shut up! Can she speak? Is she alright?"

"I'm not sure," he tried to explain. "I think she… she may have injured her ankle. I can't tell how sev-"

"How could you let this happen?! I put my children in your care!"

So cringed at Soo's shout and pressed his foot lower on the accelerator, wanting to get home faster. "Soo, I'm sorry- I was negligent. This-"

"How bad is it? Is she in a lot of pain? Put her on!"

So passed the phone backwards and glanced into the rearview mirror as Mi sniffled and hiccupped, holding his phone to her cheek. "Mommy," she whimpered.

He continued to drive as Mi spoke, her words muddling between tearful sniffs. "My- My ankle. I heard a pop and- and- and it hurts and I wanna go home."

With a lump in his throat, So choked back whatever emotions raged inside of him and focused only on driving, weaving in and out of cars at near-illegal rates until he reached Soo's neighborhood.

Desperate to get Mi home and checked by a doctor, he sped through the streets and ignored whatever angry glances were shot his way. "Mi, Mr. So's going to carry you inside, okay? I want you to unbuckle your seatbelt when I park. I'm going to grab your sister first, alright?" he asked, breathing between each sentence to keep his voice level and calm.

When Mi nodded, So gave her a little smile. "It'll be okay. Everything'll be fine."

The front gate was already open by the time they arrived home and So pulled into the driveway of the large house, parking behind a white Bentley.

He was out of the car before the engine had even fully shut down. So rushed to Yoon's side as he watched Mi undo her seatbelt. He unlocked the youngest from her car seat and picked the sleeping child up, ignoring her tired whines of complaint. As he made for Mi's side of the car, the front door of the house opened and So glanced upward, watching as Soo and Baek Ah ran towards them in a flurry of hastily donned coats and worried looks.

Mi clambered into his open arms and So held both girls close as their mother approached. "What happened?!" Baek Ah demanded. So watched Soo rush towards him and he relinquished his hold on the little girl, letting her take Mi. "Were you the one watching her?!"

So tried to explain the situation to the people before him. "She was playing and fell off-"

"And you didn't think to catch her?" Baek Ah shouted at him.

"Enough, both of you!" Soo growled at them. So blinked as Soo's voice rose. "Baek Ah, shut up! Wang So, I will deal with you personally once my daughter is cared for."

Their hands brushed, but So could not focus as he watched Soo carry her daughter away from him. He glanced over to Baek Ah who eyed him with what almost looked like a pitying glare.

This is it, So thought as he carried Yoon inside. We're breaking up. I'm fired. I let Mi get hurt because I told her I was an idiot as a kid. I'm losing Soo because I broke my promise and let her daughter get hurt.

He was forced to give Yoon over to Baek Ah who gently rocked the sleeping toddler and kissed her cheek, sighing as he made for the second story.

So could hear Mi crying as the doctor examined her. He walked with shaking legs toward the living room and glanced at where Soo and Mi sat. Soo held Mi still, her eyes hard and her mouth pressed into a thin line. She glared down at the bloody mess her daughter's knee was, clutching Mi's quaking leg as the doctor cleaned the wound with rubbing alcohol. "Hush, baby, it's alright. Mommy has you. We'll have ice cream when you're done," Soo said, her voice much softer than the look in her eyes. Mi's shrieks echoed until Chae Ryung appeared in the doorway So peeked through.

They met eyes and So watched as the governess eyed him with contempt and then what felt like sympathy. With a single pull, the doors were shut with a loud clack. After that, only muffled sniffles bled through the crevices.

With no present orders and no obligations, So had no choice but to retreat into his bedroom, ignoring the questions the other staff asked. Some stared at him accusingly while others demanded to know what happened.

Shutting the door behind him, he stared at the little space that was a third of the size of Mi's room and wondered if she would be alright. He wondered if his negligence would be the reason he and Soo fell apart.

You broke your promise. She trusted you to protect her children. You let Mi get hurt.

He shed his coat in a daze, pondering how he could have let this happen. So stared at the jacket in his hands and narrowed his eyes at the little wet smudges on the gray coat. There once had been a time when he could have been drenched in blood and not cared, but this time, he only felt repulsed at himself. He wore the residue of his ignorance. Mi had bled because of him.

His phone fell from a pocket as he threw the coat aside, cursing himself. The cloth made a soft noise against the far wall as his phone clattered beneath the bed.

"Fuck," he groaned, crouching to the floor. His hands met cool, dark wood as he lowered himself and reached under the bed frame, blindly groping for his cell. His search caught dust bunnies and stray hair missed during cleaning… and a thick, leather strap.

Forgetting about his search, So removed the new object of his interest, remembering placing it beneath the low bed months ago.

Covered in dust and tied with a sturdy strap, a brown roll of leather unveiled itself. It looked like a pencil wrap- meant for artists and the like. Simple and compact, it was easy to carry and store small utensils.

So's hands moved instinctively as he unraveled the strap, using his nails to pull at the knot he had tied. Then, instinct ran out and he stopped, unable to unroll the rest; he knew what was inside: a blatant reminder of his sordid, true self.

You're this kind of hands are stained and rotting. You don't belong in the same world as them.

There was no way he would ever let the contents of the wrap see the light of day ever again. He knew what he had to do.

So endured the chafing wind and scathing cold as he walked out of the house without his coat. He carried the roll in one of his hands, the other firmly shoved into his pocket. His white button-up pressed and flapped against his skin as the wind blew every which way. Had his tie not been pinned down, So knew it would have flown over his face the instant he stepped outside. His brisk pace kept his mind occupied as he made for the dumpster behind the garage.

He heard the back door open and shut as he tossed the leather wrap into the green and black dumpster, watching it fall among wrappers, packages, boxes, and other pieces of garbage that would be picked up on Thursdays.

The wind howled and So's thoughts returned to Mi as the dumpster clanged shut.

"Wang So!" Chae Ryung's voice flew over the wind, piercing and precise. "Mrs. Hae wants to see you in her office!"

He stepped out from behind the garage and nodded to the governess as she stood in the middle of the back yard. Chae Ryung's blue skirt flapped in the wind and So watched as she crossed her arms to preserve her body heat. He approached her with dread, knowing the inevitable was coming. This is it. The one woman you actually want to keep close and be in a relationship with… you fucked it up. You broke her kid's ankle and now you're getting fired.

"It was a pleasure working with you," Chae Ryung said as he passed. "Though I didn't know we'd be parting on such sour terms." She wore the same, pinched expression she had addressed him with when he had first set foot on Soo's property.

So looked back at the dumpster where he had just thrown away four knives and three scalpels- the tools of a brutal killer.

It's only right that she fire me. I'm dangerous.

Yet, for all the self-effacing thoughts that ran through his mind, So hoped with every shred of his being that Soo would not fire him.

He paused as he reached for the door that would take him into the house where Soo was. His hand lingered against the doorknob and his heart beat with nervous anticipation. Everything had been inevitable from the start. So knew that his getting fired was for the best… and if Soo did not fire him, then he knew what he needed to do.

I love her. I shouldn't be near her.

An entire chapter without line breaks? Sorcery.

Thank you so much to my amazing beta, Krysyuy. I always forget to thanky ou, but you are always deserving of love and praise.