A Week Later
"This is crazy," Monica said to Chandler as they watched Phoebe sit alone at their kitchen table. "He has got to get over this by now."
"He won't listen to me," Chandler replied. He had tried. Joey just wasn't listening. Chandler recognized fear, but he couldn't make his friend feel any better about it.
"I can hear you," Phoebe commented then.
"Sorry, sweetie. We just are at a loss over here," Monica said, going to join her at the table.
"Me too. I know I should have told him I was having dinner with David, but I didn't realize he'd think I cheated," Phoebe cried.
"He's overreacting. I'm sure he'll come around."
"What if he doesn't? What if this whole thing gets called off? What will I do?" Phoebe asked, crying harder. Monica put her hand on Phoebe's back comfortingly. She shared a look with Chandler.
"Let me talk to him again," Chandler offered. When no one protested, he went over to Joey's apartment and banged on the door.
"Go away," Joey called.
"Joe, it's me."
"No."
"Joey!"
The door was flung open, and Joey stood there.
"I don't wanna hear it, okay?"
"You're making a big mistake," Chandler started, but Joey slammed the door in his face. He went back into his apartment, and he shook his head at Monica.
"I'll cook him something," Monica said suddenly. "That'll do it."
"Thanks, you guys, but this is bigger than just feeding his hunger."
"We'll see," Monica said.
Later
"He flat out refused my lasagna," Monica said to the others at Central Perk a few hours later. Phoebe and Joey were absent. "He's really upset. I almost called an ambulance cos if Joey doesn't eat, then he's on the verge of death or a life threatening illness."
"This is insane," Rachel said, worried. "How could he have made it so much bigger than it was?"
"He was cheated on before, remember? Past hurts sometimes resurface and make us crazy," Chandler explained.
"I've got it," Ross said, snapping his fingers.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"There's the Bapstein-King comet tonight..." Ross started.
"Oh my God, Ross, that is not going to solve this," Monica cut him off.
"Hear me out," Ross argued. "If we get everyone to the roof, we could slip away and leave them there alone together. Then they'd have to talk."
"Oohh I like it," Rachel nodded eagerly.
"I feel like the ruse is backwards," Chandler said, narrowing his eyes. "I feel like you're using Joey and Phoebe's fight to get us up to the roof to see a comet and get a science lecture."
"No," Ross said hotly.
"It'll work," Rachel butted in. "I'm sure it will. We have to try."
"Okay. Everyone meet on the roof by nine p.m.," Ross instructed.
And the plan was born.
Even Later-On the Roof
"Where is this Baptist comet again?" Joey asked, rubbing his arms from the cold.
"Bapstein-King," Ross corrected, annoyed. "And it'll be here soon."
"Ross, I don't think we can handle much more of this," Monica said. "Chandler is frozen."
"Is that why you're wearing Monica's coat?" Phoebe asked Chandler. She was at the opposite end of the roof, away from Joey. They still hadn't spoken. It had taken a lot to just get Joey to even come, but he had caved because he had gotten hungry after a while, and Monica had snacks. She knew he wasn't completely gone then.
"No, I'm wearing it because it shows off my figure," Chandler answered sarcastically. "Mon, I'm done." He moved to the door. Monica gave Ross and Rachel a knowing look before following him.
"Well, gotta get back to the babe," Rachel said, stretching her arms. A neighbor was currently watching him. She carefully went for the door. Ross followed. Joey and Phoebe were oblivious since they were looking up at the sky.
"Go, go, go!" Ross hissed, and he and Rachel beat it for the door and slammed it shut behind them. In seconds, Joey was pounding on it.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Let us in!"
"Not until you talk!" Ross shouted back.
"No way, man," Phoebe called now. "You can't do this. It's imprisonment!"
"You're out in the open," Ross said back.
"We can't get down!"
"You'll find a way!" Rachel called now. "And talk, damn it!" She and Ross high fived before going down the stairs. They could hear the pounding on the door until they disappeared inside the hall.
Joey & Phoebe
Phoebe knew what her friends were trying to do, and she had to give them points for the effort. Joey was standing at one end of the roof, and she was on the other. They were both cold and both fed up.
"Obviously they want us to talk, so we should talk," Phoebe said after a while.
"I'm not talking about it," Joey replied.
"I'm telling you the truth when I say that nothing happened," Phoebe insisted.
"La, la, la, la!" Joey started shouting, covering his ears. Phoebe growled in impatience.
Monica & Chandler
"I feel bad," Monica said. They were lying side by side in their bed, holding hands.
"They had it coming," Chandler replied. "Joey can be so stubborn. This will make him talk."
"I hope so. They're probably freezing out there," Monica sighed.
"Let's not think about them right now," Chandler suggested.
"And what do you propose we do instead?"
He replied by moving over and kissing her soundly.
Ross & Rachel
Beep.
Rachel opened her eye, wondering what she had just heard. She had a hard enough time falling asleep, and now something in their apartment woke her up. She closed her eye after a moment, chalking it up to nothing.
Beep.
"Seriously?" she said, sitting up. What the hell was it? Was it some new age, robotic killer come to terrorize them?
Beep.
She got out of bed and padded to the doorway of their bedroom. It was coming from out there. She crept past Daniel's small room and down the hall.
Beep.
She found the source, peering up at it. Their smoke detector was beeping at them.
Beep.
"I hear you," she growled. She went for a chair, pulling it underneath the detector and standing on it. She yanked it off before getting back down, feeling victorious.
"Rachel one, machine zero," she muttered.
Beep.
She halted in her tracks, staring back at it in disbelief.
"No way," she said.
Beep.
This one was farther down the hall, outside their bedroom doors.
"Now you're talking to one another?" she asked, annoyed. "Oh no you don't." She grabbed a broom and started beating it into the detector. Feeling satisfied that she had taken care of it, she went to deal with the second one.
Beep.
She spun, broom in hand. She was halfway to the second one, and she heard the first one go again.
It was time to get Ross.
Phoebe & Joey
"There's a fire escape," Phoebe pointed. They both were looking over the side now. At least they could stand next to each other.
"I guess that's our only way down," Joey agreed. He moved to start going down. Phoebe watched anxiously. She hoped he wouldn't get hurt. After seeing it was safe, she followed him. They got to the bottom, and the ladder wouldn't budge.
"Now what?" she asked.
"We have to jump," he answered logically.
"Um, it's pretty high," she said.
"And you gotta avoid the dumpster, the ice, and that weird looking patch over there," Joey said.
"Why am I the one jumping?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because of what you did!" he shouted.
"Joey, I had dinner. That's it."
"You can't tell me why," he pointed out. "All you said was that you didn't know why you did it. That's not an answer."
"You wanna know why?" she cut him off.
"Yes!"
"Because I wanted him to see what he had lost, okay? I wanted him to feel hurt. I wanted him to know what it felt like being left behind, okay? That's why I did it," Phoebe finished.
"Oh," Joey said. He felt a little dumb now, but he still felt a bit betrayed by it.
"I know you've been hurt, Joey. I will never hurt you," Phoebe promised, grabbing his hand. He let her. "I just had to deal with my past, and now I have. Wouldn't you want the person who hurt you to see how better off you are?"
"Well...yea," he agreed.
"That's all it was," she told him. "It is you and me, Joey. We are doing this together. Please, please believe me."
Joey knew he could either believe her or hold onto his feelings of betrayal, but after hearing her explanation and knowing he would do the same thing, he knew he couldn't hang onto it.
"I believe you," he said. She threw herself into his arms then, kissing him deeply.
At least they weren't freezing their asses off for nothing.
Monica & Chandler
Sex didn't work. Reading her boring book hadn't worked (it had actually turned out to be interesting of all things). Warm milk didn't work. Chandler was at a loss of what to do now. He decided to try sex again.
"Mmph," Monica grunted when he poked her.
"I can't sleep," he complained.
"So why does that mean I'm not allowed to sleep either?" she asked.
"You can help me," he replied cheerily.
"Again?"
"Yea."
"Okay," she complied. She rolled onto her back, and he started off with his best moves only to catch her asleep a few minutes later.
"Monica!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, yea, baby," she said. "You rock my world."
"You're asleep," he pointed out. She sat up then.
"I'm sorry. I'm just really tired."
"I don't know what else to try. I can't sleep," Chandler sighed.
"You could always clean," she suggested.
"Ugh. No," he shook his head. "I'm going to go make some coffee."
Monica settled back into the pillows, exhausted.
"And I probably won't spill the grounds all over the counter, the floor, the couch..." he listed.
"I'm up. I'm up!" she shouted, jumping out of bed and hurrying after him.
Ross & Rachel
"What are you doing?" Ross asked when Rachel shook him awake.
"The smoke detectors are in cahoots and I can't shut them off," she hissed.
"What?" he asked, sitting up now.
Beep.
Beep.
"Oh," he said, hearing them both beep within seconds of each other.
"See?"
"All right. They probably just need new batteries," Ross said, getting up. He went to find the one in the kitchen beaten within an inch of its life. "Honey? What did you do?" he asked cautiously.
"I fixed it," she answered. "Or at least...I tried to."
Ross took it off and fiddled with it. After a moment, he got it to stop beeping with new batteries. He carefully put it back on, knowing he would have to replace it later. He went to the second one, which, thankfully, Rachel hadn't beaten up with her broomstick. He stopped it from beeping any further and stood there looking at his wife, who was still clutching the broomstick.
"It's okay. They can't aggravate you anymore," he promised. She set the broom against the wall and scuffed behind him back to bed.
That's when Daniel started to cry.
"I got him," Ross said.
"No, I can do it."
They both ended up attending to Daniel and then falling asleep once he was back down and taken care of.
Phoebe & Joey
"This is fun," Phoebe said, climbing down Joey. They had decided that she was the one that would land better out of both of them. She also wanted to do it because it looked fun. She stopped to kiss him for a bit.
"I love you, but I can't hang on any longer," he said after a moment. "You gotta keep going."
"All right," she sighed. She finished climbing down and dangled from his feet.
"Let go," he said. "My arms are gonna fall out of their sockets!"
Phoebe held her breath and let go. She hit the ground hard, but she didn't hurt herself. Her feet stung a little, but that was all.
"Are you okay?" he called down.
"Yes! I'm going up to unlock the door!"
"Okay."
He climbed back to the top, and she met him there. They hurried hand in hand down the stairs to their apartment where they continued to not sleep.
Monica & Chandler
They heard the giggling and the door slam across the hall, and they looked at each other.
"It worked," she said, incredulous.
"I'm gonna hate hearing Ross gloat about it tomorrow," Chandler sighed.
"I'm just so happy they worked it out," Monica said.
"Me too."
"Come on," she said, taking his hand and standing up then. "Let's try again. I'm awake now."
"Yippee!" Chandler trilled as he skipped behind her to their bedroom.
A Week Later
Phoebe was grunting from effort, trying to move the couch. Joey came in and caught her. He gave her a puzzled look.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Rearranging the furniture," she answered.
"Why?"
"So company has a better view of the TV," Phoebe explained logically.
"They don't need a better view," Joey insisted.
"Why are you being so weird about this?" she asked, moving to touch the recliner.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Joey exclaimed, making her jump a little. "Rosita does not move."
"Rosita?" Phoebe asked.
"Does not move," Joey repeated.
"Why not?"
"Because she is the perfect distance to the bathroom and the kitchen and has the best angle with no glare from Stevie."
"Stevie the TV?" Phoebe asked, laughing now. "And is that Grouch the Couch?" She gestured to the couch.
"I don't make fun of your weird stuff, so don't make fun of mine," Joey said, crossing his arms.
"Fair enough," Phoebe shrugged. He gave her one last look before going into their room. She waited until he was gone before reaching for Rosita anyway.
"Girl power," she grunted, trying to lift it. The chair broke apart, and Phoebe landed flat on her back. She propped herself up on her elbows, looking at the chair.
"Well, you didn't have to be a bitch about it," she commented, flicking a piece of hair out of her face. Perhaps the chair had mysterious powers after all. She never had liked sitting on it. It had always made her feel strange.
"What the hell happened?!" Joey cried, coming out and seeing his beloved chair shattered on the floor.
"I'm fine by the way," Phoebe said sarcastically. She got to her feet as Joey surveyed the damage.
"You moved her! I told you not to do that! What if you asked me not to move your mother, and I did, and her back snapped in half?!" he asked.
"My mother is already dead, so that doesn't apply to me," Phoebe countered.
"Your other mother," he growled.
"Oh...then yea, I'd be mad," Phoebe nodded.
"Oh, Stevie," Joey said then, moving to close the doors of the cabinet. "Don't look."
"Let's just get a new chair, all right? We'll go after I'm done work," she said.
"I thought you didn't have any massage clients?"
"I'm starting a telemarketing job," she replied. "Didn't you listen?"
"I heard market, and I assumed food," he shrugged.
Phoebe went over and put her hand on his shoulder.
"We'll get a new chair and give Rosita a proper burial," she promised.
"She's not even cold yet," he pointed out. "Don't be talking about new chairs in front of her."
"Her spirit has already left," Phoebe said solemnly. "I felt it go. She's gone, Joey."
This started a fresh batch of emotion for Joey, and Phoebe left him kneeling beside his precious chair as she went to work.
Central Perk
"Hey," Ross said, peering at the paper. "This house looks familiar."
"Yea?" Monica asked, leaning to look as well. "Huh. It does."
"What are the odds you both know a house?" Chandler asked. "Unless you both lived there."
"Oh my God!" Ross exclaimed. "It's Mom and Dad's house!"
Chandler had a vague sense that there was something he was supposed to tell Monica. There had been some kind of phone call the other day. He thought hard.
"They're selling the house," Monica lamented.
"And didn't even tell us!" Ross said, outraged. He pulled out his phone to call their parents and give them a piece of his mind. "Dad? You're selling the house?! Why didn't you tell us?" He looked at Monica then.
"What?" she asked.
At this point, Chandler suddenly remembered that Judy had called to tell him to tell Monica they were listing the house. Something had come on the TV that had distracted him, and he had forgotten to tell her. God help him, he had forgotten to use the message pad with its designated message pen.
"He said they left a message with someone," Ross went on. They both looked to see Chandler outside the window now.
"Sorry!" he shouted, running for his life. He knew how Monica got when her messages got messed with.
"Why does that not surprise me?" she sighed.
"I thought you had him trained by now?" Ross asked.
"It's a work in progress," she replied.
"Hey," Rachel said, coming in with Daniel. Ben was at school. "What's going on?"
"Mom and Dad are selling their house," Ross answered. "We're really bummed about it."
"Aw that's sad," Rachel said, sitting down beside him. Monica took Daniel instantly, making faces at him and tickling him.
"Yea. Some stranger is gonna sleep in my room," Ross complained.
"Well, it's about time the shrine got taken down," Monica commented.
"They left your room for a while," Ross argued.
"For ten minutes! It turned into a gym for the most part, but we all know a tanning bed and a pile of magazines is not a gym," Monica said, wrinkling her nose.
"It just feels so weird," Ross went on, ignoring her.
"Why don't you go see them?" Rachel suggested.
"What do you think, Mon?" Ross asked his sister. She nodded.
"Sure."
"Thanks, sweetie," Ross smiled, kissing Rachel before getting up. Monica handed Daniel back to Rachel and followed him.
Chandler
He went to find Joey because they really hadn't had any one on one time together in a while. He knew Phoebe was starting her new job, and Monica had just told him she was going with Ross to see her parents. She had asked him if the message pad and pen were still by the phone, which meant she was definitely annoyed that he hadn't given her the message.
"Joe?" he called, coming into the apartment. It felt weird sometimes that he didn't live there anymore. Phoebe hadn't moved all of her stuff in yet. She had left some of it at her apartment for now while Denise was living there as she didn't need all the furniture. She had mentioned something about Gladys, which Chandler had no idea what she was talking about. With Phoebe, it could be anything.
"Hmm," he said now, seeing the bag of unopened chips and the cold beer on the table beside the chair. "This doesn't seem right." He went to sit in the chair, and when he leaned back, he fell right over backwards and face planted on the floor. He popped up, horrified.
"I was never here!" he said to the TV, rushing out the door at full speed.
Monica & Ross
"Dad," Ross said. "I can't believe you wrecked all of her stuff."
Jack Geller stood there looking pained. He fingered the cigarette box in his front pocket, but he wasn't about to admit to his son that he was secretly smoking. They were in the garage, and he had just finished explaining about the flooding. Monica had gone inside, and he and Ross had discovered that he had used Monica's boxes to keep water away from his precious Porsche.
"She already thinks you guys favor me," Ross went on." This will seal the deal."
"You were a medical marvel," Jack started.
"Not now," Ross cut him off.
"Really? You always love hearing that story."
"I said 'not now.' I didn't say 'not ever,'" Ross corrected.
"So what do we do?" Jack asked, moving on.
"We're gonna give her some memories! Pass me that box," Ross instructed.
...
Monica picked up very quickly that the boxes were full of Ross's stuff, not hers. When she finally learned the truth, she was indeed devastated. That was when Jack decided to give her his Porsche, which made her cheer up considerately. He explained that Judy was right, he did look like a jack ass driving it, literally, and it was time to get rid of it.
Ross was dumbfounded and a little put out. When Monica rushed off to see her new, prized possession, Jack took Ross aside.
"Look, I know how much this house means to you," he started.
"Yea..."
"I'm willing to sell it to you, if you want it."
"You can't just give it to me? Like you gave Monica the Porsche?" Ross asked, annoyed.
"The house is worth more..."
"Not after telling me about the flooding, the asbestos, and the cracked foundation," Ross interrupted.
"Those can all easily be fixed," Jack dismissed. "What I'm trying to say is that you've got a family, and there isn't much room in that apartment of yours. What if you have more kids? How are you all gonna fit in there? I'm just saying that you could start your life here, in your old house."
Ross was sorely tempted.
"I don't know..." he said.
"I'll talk to your mother and get a crew down here to fix up the issues if that will help," Jack said reluctantly. He had wanted to ditch the thing without doing that, but he couldn't just ditch it on his son in that condition. He wasn't that mean.
"It'll take some time. A few months at least," Jack added. "Lots of time to think about it. I can take it off the listings for now while we fix it up."
"What about Monica?" Ross asked.
"Well, let's ask her," Jack suggested. "Harmonica!"
"Dad, you're the best!" Monica squealed, rushing back and hugging him tightly.
"We have something to talk about," Jack said after they stopped hugging.
"What? You were kidding about the car? Dad, that's a mean joke. So mean," Monica said, getting defensive.
"No, no, no," Jack shook his head. "I have offered Ross the chance to buy our house. Are you okay with that, or do you want it?"
Monica was surprised, but she looked around the garage and knew in her heart of hearts she didn't want it.
"I'm good with the car," she said. "I mean, there were a lot of memories here, but I want to start my new memories somewhere else, you know? I'd feel weird living here."
"There you have it," Jack said to Ross. "It's yours if you want it. After you buy it, of course."
"I'll have to talk to Rachel," Ross replied.
"Do that. Then call me," Jack said, clapping his son's shoulder. "I'll get in touch with a contractor."
When he left, Monica looked at Ross.
"You really wanna live here?" she asked him.
"Well, we can't stay cramped in that apartment forever," Ross reasoned.
"It'll be so weird not having you across the street," she said.
"It's not for a while. Dad said it would take a few months at least."
"If it makes you happy, then I'm happy," Monica said. Ross smiled and hugged her.
He hoped Rachel would feel the same way.
Joey & Phoebe
They had met after Phoebe's first day of work, and she was still feeling rattled about Earl and his whole "I'm gonna kill myself" rampage. She had even gone to find him to convince him life was worth living for, which had worked. It had just brought up her mother's death all over again, and it was on her mind a lot on a good day.
"This is hard," Joey complained as they walked around different chairs.
"It's only as hard as you make it to be," Phoebe insisted. "See? This one's nice." She sat in it and immediately felt comfortable. It had the most positive vibe coming off of it than the others.
"This one," she said. "Look, it's perfect."
"Fine," Joey said reluctantly. "Can we get out of here now? I feel like I'm betraying Rosita just standing here."
They went to pay for the chair and have it delivered. When they got back to their apartment, Joey went over to Rosita and tried to move it to take it down to the incinerator. When it didn't come apart, he was stunned. Phoebe was too.
"It's healed itself," he said in awe.
"It's a miracle," Phoebe responded. They both walked around it, touching it periodically.
"You're seeing it too, right?" Joey asked.
"Of course!"
But then, Phoebe felt a different aura coming off the chair. She didn't know how to explain it, but she certainly didn't bring it up to him. He was happy to have his chair back, so she left it alone.
...
When her new chair arrived (she had decided to keep it for herself), she felt like she was in seventh heaven. It helped take away the thoughts about Earl and her mother.
"I'm so glad I kept this," Phoebe said, pulling her beer out of the mini fridge that was under the arm of the chair. Joey was watching, annoyed.
"Oh! It even has speakers in the headrests!" she cried. "So cool!"
"My chair performs miracles," Joey muttered. They continued watching their show until it was over, and Phoebe went to tell Chandler about her amazing new chair. She knew he would go and sit in those types of chairs in the stores until the sales people told him to get the hell out if he wasn't buying anything.
"Hey," she said. Chandler looked up. He was writing Monica a letter to apologize for not giving her the message. It was more of a silly poem, really. He was just trying to make it better.
"What's up?" he asked.
"I have the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000 in my living room," she said, smirking.
"The Queen of all chairs?" Chandler asked, shocked. "The Chair of the Year?"
"Yup!"
"They wouldn't even let me sit in one. They claimed I was 'wasting their time,'" Chandler said, using air quotes. "That's awesome! What made you get a new chair?"
"I broke Joey's..."
"Hold on," he stopped her, putting up his hand. "You broke Joey's chair? I thought I broke it!"
"No. I did this morning."
"Aw man! I switched it with mine so he wouldn't know!" Chandler yelped.
"That explains the sweaty aura," Phoebe mused.
"You're telling me you just assumed someone fixed his chair?" Chandler asked.
"Miracles do happen, Chandler," Phoebe argued.
"I'm getting my chair back," he insisted, charging over to Joey's. They were just in time to see Joey rip off the back of the chair.
"Oh no!" Phoebe cried.
"Joey!" Chandler yelled.
"What?" he asked, going to sit in the new chair and squishing himself into it.
"That was Chandler's chair," Phoebe sighed. "He thought he broke yours, so he switched them."
"Oh. Well, I'm so glad I have this incredible new chair to help me get through this terrible time," Joey answered.
"I should get the chair," Chandler said.
"Whoa, what?" Phoebe said, turning to face him. Joey was on his feet now too, outraged.
"Yea! I'm the only one who didn't break a chair here. It should be mine!"
"No," Phoebe shook her head. "There are two of us and one of you, and both of us are strong enough to break a chair in half. It stays."
"Yea, or we'll break you in half," Joey chimed in. Phoebe held out her hand to stop him from saying anything more.
"You guys are like a gang," Chandler said, annoyed.
"That's right," Phoebe nodded. He started to walk away then, shooting glances over his shoulder as he went.
"Come here," Joey said, picking her up and sitting down on the chair with her. She giggled as they started the massager and began to make out.
Ross & Rachel
"So, what do you think?" Ross asked, finishing telling Rachel about the plan with the house.
"I...I don't know," Rachel said. "I mean...wow."
"I know, right? A house! Ben can play outside, and Daniel can have a bigger room when he gets older. It's perfect," Ross added.
"It's tempting, but it means commuting to work," Rachel pointed out.
"It's not that big of a commute. I don't mind."
"It's an hour and a half one way," Rachel said. "If we move out there, then we should consider different jobs."
"We have some time to think about it. Promise me you'll think about it."
"Okay."
He smiled and went off to do his thing, leaving Rachel thinking about it all.
Monica & Chandler
Monica was ecstatic when she got home. She barely noticed Chandler was pouting until a few moments later.
"What's with you?" she asked.
"I lost my chair."
Monica looked, and he was right. The horrible, ugly chair was gone.
"What happened?"
He explained everything, and Monica had to hold back her laughter at it all. The barcalounger was gone! It really was her day.
"I'm sorry, sweetie," she said, trying to be sympathetic. "You wanna drive my Porsche?"
He perked up at this. She handed him the keys, and they went down to where it was parked. He gave her a questioning look as he got into the driver's side.
"Are you sure? You're not still annoyed about the whole message thing?" he asked.
"I just got given a Porsche," she answered. "You could get away with murder today."
He grinned and started the car, revving it. She laughed, and they took off.