Chapter 8: "In the end"

" I tried so hard and got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall

To lose it all, But in the end It doesn't even matter" - Linkin Park, In The End

Once were in the cab I ask the driver to drop us to the penthouse. He nods and pulls out of the lot.

I can't help the fat tears that began to fall from my eyes heavily. I cry the whole ride. What was I think. I could have taken not one but two lives.

I don't even notice the car stop or Jo pulling me out and walking us home. Its only when were seated on the couch do I look her in the eyes and began another series of tearless sobs.

" I couldn't do it Jo... I have to go...I can't stay here. I'm have to go!" I choke out.

She looks at me concerned and wraps me in her arms " you don't have to leave Katniss, Peeta is a great guy, he would take care of you".

I shake my head vigorously " that's the problem, he would give up everything and I couldn't live with my self knowing I ruined his life".

" Are you going to tell him at all?" she ask.

I shake my head not really wanting to comment on the subject anymore.

" Shit Katniss your going to keep his baby from him? he's not even gonna get a say in any of this."

"Kids, actually. I was informed I'm carrying twins". Her face pales a little and I sigh.

"You know this is no real home for a kid, let alone two. A life on the road, in and out of hotels and shit. Growing up that way would suck and you know it. Or the other option where Peeta drops out and ends up resenting me for the rest of my life. Im not going to do that to him, its not fair. He didn't ask for any of this".

" Neither did you Kat". I glare at her " what the fuck do you want me to do Jo. I've made up my mind. I'm leaving. Peeta will move on".

She seems to get the point then.

" Well you might wanna hurry if your trying to avoid Peeta. They'll be back after tomorrow".

I nod and make my way into the room I share with Peeta to packing and book a seat on the first train out tomorrow morning. Jo eventually comes and helps me. Then I spend the rest of the day avoiding calls from Peeta and trying and failing not to cry.

The next morning when its time to go I grab a pen and a sheet of note paper off a pad sitting on the table and start writing.

Peeta,

Thank you for all that you have done for me. I really enjoyed our time together but this life isn't for me. I need to get away before its to late. I wish you the best of luck with your tour and career. Please don't try and contact me. This is the end for us.

Love always Katniss

I leave the note folded on his pillow and grab my suitcase while Jo grabs my bag. She called a cab to meet me in lobby in 10 minutes.

" So what are you going to do Katniss?" she ask while we wait.

I haven't really figured all the details out so I just simply shrug.

" Don't shut me out. I wont tell. I promise" she whispers in my ear wrapping me in one last hug.

I pull back and give her a teary smile.

My cab pulls up and I tell Jo I'll call her later when my train pulls in. She helps me with my bags and reluctantly waves goodbye. I see her wipe a quick tear before she yells "be safe brainless and answer your phone".

I smile and wave one last time as the cab pulls off watching her shrink into the background.

I pull out my phone and start dialing

" Hey sweetheart" his raspy voice calms me slightly and I fight the tears I feel threatening to fall.

" Haymitch I'm coming home."

" What happen? What has he done to you?" he ask with an edge to his voice.

"Nothing, this was my choice, he doesn't even now I'm gone yet". I can almost see him rolling his eyes in frustration with me.

"Alright, whatever. Just call text me your arrival time and I'll come get you". I mumble a yes and hang up.

***M&B***

I board the train using all my strength to not run back and tear that stupid note up. I needed him to let me go. He wouldn't have let me go in person, I had to break his heart.

Its for the best. I keep telling myself over and over like a prayer. Its for the best.

All I want is to go home and try to forget which tell myself is near impossible with his kids growing within me.

I'll have my own personal reminders of the heartbreak I have caused Peeta.

"It was for the best" I tell myself again as I eat a bag of chips and drink some water before I tell myself to sleep the rest of the way.

My self advice doesn't work. Every time I close my eyes I see Peeta's bright blues staring back at me. I put my head in my hands trying to stop the fresh tears that have be falling all day.

I'm physical exhausted and I need to sleep but instead I stare out the window looking at the black sky until my body leaves me no option but to sleep.

When I wake I hear the intercom come on and warn us were beginning to pull in I look out the window district 12 come into view. Great a district full of reminders of Peeta.

After another 20mins we're free to get off and I head to baggage claim.

Haymitch and Prim are sitting on a bench watching people get off the trains and I speed walk over to them, wrapping Prim in a tight hold.

" I missed you so much Katniss." she beamed. I hold her tighter and kiss her head " I missed you too little duck".

We walk to the car in silence and I can tell Haymitch is itching to grill me with questions but won't since Prim is here.

Its takes me a moment to figure out that Haymitch is turning into a new neighborhood. And into a new driveway.

" Haymitch, who's house is this?"

He smirks and I hear Prim chuckle in the backseat.

"Well sweetheart while you were gone I sobered up a bit. Took one look at where we were and decided I needed to make a change. When I was younger before the booze I bought a lotto ticket on a whim and won a few dollars. I only used it once, to buy the bar where I drink for free. I get a 500,000 check every year for the rest of my life. I figured I'd finally put it to use and get a place that's livable for me and ole' Primmy here."

My jaw hangs slack in shock. I knew that he must've had a little money. I mean how else does a drunk with no job pay his bills.

" Don't worry Katniss, we gave you a room too. It even has its own bathroom" prim added.

I close my mouth following them in the house happy to see it still slightly resembles home with all deer heads around and my fathers bow and arrow hung on the wall above his picture.

Haymitch sits by luggage by the couch motions for me to sit.

" Prim why don't you let me talk with sweetheart talk for a while Ok?"

She hugs me one more time before jogging up stairs and closing her door. I take a seat in the arm chair tucking my feet behind me.

" How far along are you?"

" About eight weeks." I mumble, not even surprised he figured it out.

" Whats the boy think?"

" I didn't tell him".

"And why the hell not sweetheart? Thats half his kid".

I sigh heavily "kids Haymitch, their twins and I didn't tell him because he has his whole life ahead of him. This would end his career and he'd never forgive me for it".

Haymitch closes his eye tight and scratches at his beard roughly. " What about your life huh? Don't you deserve a future? Have you even considered all your options? I mean one child is hard enough and now you have two to worry about.".

" Of course I have, thats why I'm back here. I haven't figured it all out yet but I will. Ill find a job and raise these babies on my own. I'm not a child" I spat.

I know he was trying to help but I didn't need him treating me as if I was a child.

" I know your not sweetheart. Its just upsetting because I know your father wouldn't want this for." he explained. " just be sure this is really what you want, no one will judge you for choosing yourself".

" It is Haymitch, really. I want to do this". He stands up, grabs my bag and turns toward to stairs ending the conversation. "I'll put these in your room".

" Thanks Haymitch, for everything". I hear grunt something and continue up the stairs.

When I finally make it to my room, I find Prim there sitting criss cross on my bed.

" Hey little duck".

She looks up and pats the spot on the bed next to her. "i heard you and uncle Haymitch talking. I swear I wasn't ease dropping…. at first."

I shake my head " its fine. I was going to come tell you anyway. You know I cant keep anything from you".

Prim beams scooting closer and laying her head on my shoulder. "Are you really having twins? Because if you are thats awesome".

"Yes, Prim I am. But Peeta doesn't know and I would really like it to stay that way. Do you think you could do that for me?"

" Why? Peeta would make a great dad. Doesn't he have a right to know?" she pleads.

" He has the right to a future too Prim. Please don't say anything and don't answer if he calls".

She nods sadly and I hug her tight thanking her. Peeta became a big brother to her and asking her to give that up is a lot.

" Help me unpack?" I begged, hoping to change the subject and spend more time with Prim. Lucky for me it works.

We spend the next hour or so putting my things away and catching up on high school drama.

After she leaves I decide to call Jo to check on things and let her know I'm home.

"You were suppose to call when you got home" she scolds.

" Hey Jo. I'm sorry, I was catching up with Prim".

I go on and tell her about the new house and giving her the ok to tell Gale. She in turn updates me about everything except what i want to hear.

"How is he Jo?" I inquire cutting her off.

" Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to Katniss". I scowl into the phone " I just need to know he's okay".

"We'll take care of him. He just needs to deal thats all." I mumble a thanks and hang up.

My heart breaks at the thought of him unhappy and miserable. Just when the guilt starts to eat me alive my phone rings and I see Peeta's face smiling back at me.

I press ignore and the sobs come back.

***M&B***

I'm awaken from my dreamless sleep by the bile threatening to make an appearance for the first time in days.

I rush to the bathroom and empty out the contents of my stomach. Prim comes in squinting sleepy eyes at the light.

" You Ok?" she ask brushing my hair out of my face. I nod slightly before another wave of vomit comes out.

" I need a shower" I blurt out.

Prim nods holding her hands out to help me up. She twist the shower on grabbing a towel and wash cloth before shutting the door behind her.

I shed my clothes and step under the hot water, letting it fall and drench me. I have an appointment this morning with my new doctor so I mind as well get ready.

I throw on my usual jeans, t shirt as converse and braiding my hair over my shoulder before walking in the kitchen to see Haymitch and prim waiting for me to go.

" you ready Sweetheart?"

"As ready as I'll ever be" I sigh.

Once we drop Prim off at school Haymitch drives me to the doctors office where I'm asked to sign in and fill out a bunch of papers for there files.

After I turn in the papers they set me up in a room telling me to change into the gown and that the doctor will be in momentarily.

I look around at all the posters mindlessly when I hear a faint knock and see the door creek open.

"Hi I'm Dr. Mellark, you must be Katniss Everdeen".

What the hell did he just say?

" I'm sorry Did you just say Mellark? As in M-e-l-l-a-r-k , Mellark?" I question.

"Yeah I know weird last name but its nothing like my first name, Wheaton. My dad has a thing with bread, being a baker and all".

I smile politely, too stunned to even speak.

"Anyway enough about my life. From what I see this is your first pregnancy and your having twin?".

I nod not knowing what else to say.

"Good, lets go a head and get started. Can you lye back for me"

I lye back and he gets started asking me a series of questions and inserting something cold up my who-ha. I can't help thinking how fucked up this whole situation just got.

I mean what are the chances really.

I don't even register that he's talking to me until I see him wave a hand in front of me.

" Ms. Everdeen? Are you okay?". I come out of my trance and nod my head yes with a small smile.

"Good, I wanted to tell you your all done here. Your due date looks to be around April 20th. My nurse out front has a prescription for your prenatal vitamins and a list of do's and don't s for you."

" It was nice meeting you Ms. Everdeen. I'll see you in a month". I nod again sitting up on the table as he turns and walks out the door.

I quickly put my clothes on and speed walk to the front to get what I need and get the hell out of here.

Haymitch is in the lobby and stands confused as flying pass him.

"What's wrong now sweetheart?" He ask catching me in the elevator.

"Wheaton fucking Mellark is my doctor. Peeta's fucking brother is my damn doctor".

I open my eyes to see him staring at me with eyebrows raised. "Did he recognize you?".

" I never met anyone in Peeta's family. Which I'm glad for at the moment.".

"Well problem solved. He won't know anything as long as you don't tell him." He says nonchalantly.

"Yeah Ok, I'm just gonna walk in there every month and hope nothing happens" I deadpan.

He shrugs "I'm hungry. You want anything?".

I roll my eye but perk up at the mention of food "I'm always hungry. Always!".