I breathed a sigh of relief when training finally came to an end. I dawdled around regardless and chatted with Peeta. I could tell he would be open to an alliance inside, but doubted it was up to him.

"So, when you were a victor what was your talent?" I knew the answer, but I loved to hear people talk about their passions.

"I still do a lot of baking, but I've always been interested in art. So lately I've been painting, I just love finding the perfect mixture for the right color," Peeta smiled, he was probably thinking about his most recent adventure. It was nice, this boy was far too good for the Catipol to abuse him. I felt it deep in my soul: he and Katniss deserved so much more. I wanted to protect them.

"Oh, yes. Now I remember, you and Katniss seem to have an artistic eye," I laughed, it was a bit of an inside joke, since you could tell Katniss had absolutely no interest in fashion.

"I guess that's one of the reason we get along so well," Peeta sighed thoughtfully as Katniss came up to us and slid her hand into his. She met me with a hard stare, but it didn't seem unfriendly anymore. I thought Katniss just was naturally distrustful and I didn't blame her.

"Katniss."

"Emmer," she nodded her head and marched on to the elevator. She used my actual name, progress.

I let him and Katniss take an elevator all to themselves, they probably had been trying to spend as much time as possible together and I didn't want to get in the middle of that.

Johanna came up behind me and sighed, "God, they make me want to puke."

I rolled my eyes, we were constantly butting heads and I personally would rather never make eye contact, but I did it for Finnick. She has no one, Em, come on. "Hey, Jojo," she hated that nickname. I turned to look directly at her. "I don't know." I said thoughtfully. I wasn't sure if I believed the love story, but they both cared for each other and that much was clear. "I think they're sweet."

She made a face, "Whatever, Reaper. Did you see bitch on fire shoot?" Who didn't see her shoot? "Maybe focus less on their fake love story, and more on keeping the people you care about alive. There's no way needs or wants any help in there."

God, she was awful. Johanna didn't really know how to have friends and I wasn't inclined to clue her in. She was a lot more civil with Finnick. I didn't care how alike we were, we would never be friends. But she did care about Finnick, and she didn't kill Seb out of hate, only the need for survival. If she were rude to Finnick, then I wouldn't be so kind to her. "I'll work on it. Do you have hope?"

She knew what I meant. Is there hope for saving the rebellion, saving the Mockingjay? "I don't usually believe in hope, but yes I do." And with that she got on the elevator and Finnick walked up to me accompanied by Beetee and Wiress.

I had a special place in my heart for Beetee, he understood me in only the way another scientist could. Sure he dealt more with technology, and I focused on the human body, but he was always there for me to bounce ideas off of. Besides Finnick and Blaze, he was my only other friend among the victors.

"Bee, my love," I hugged him and he kissed my forehead. I smiled up at him; he was a couple of inches taller than me. "It's been too long, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were avoiding me."

"Never, Emmer," he smiled at me. I saw Wiress hand Finnick a note. Wiress smiled at me and Finnick stayed silent and discreetly looked at it, then up at Beetee.

"So, Emmer, Beetee was just telling me about your research on cosmetic surgery on young adults?" Wiress made what we considered to be casual conversation, although I played organ as my talent my first year, I was 'encouraged' to help identify and solve psychological problems that plagued only the Capitol citizens. I enjoyed research and experimentation, but I could care less about their psychological problems, when I had offered multiple solutions to help the districts physiological ones that had been ignored.

We chatted and Beetee offered small comments as we all stood there waiting for the elevator to get to our floors. We approached the third floor and the older victors got off and waved goodbye. The second the doors closed, Finnick's lips were on mine. We were kissing, really kissing. This was a desperate kind of kiss, the kind were we knew we had to make it last until the next time we were alone. Those moments were far and few in between, we hadn't been alone since the last games. My hands were in his hair, I loved playing with it. In between kisses I was laughing, so happy to be in his arms again, but there were still tears in my eyes. We were passing the sixth floor now, our time would be up soon.

"Hi," I said when we came up for air. When we finally got to be together and got to be ourselves it felt like I was coming home. I hugged him tight around the waist while he stroked my cheek and kissed my hair. He held me tight. He wiped away the tears that had slipped. I never cried like I had the past three months.

"Hey, I'll be by your side the whole time. I promise," He said holding my face so I had to look into his eyes. His beautiful eyes, his eyes really were the windows to his soul as cliché as it sounded. He was such a kind person and he did so much, no too much, to keep me calm and safe. I didn't deserve him.

"That's not what I worried about, I could care less about be lonely in there," I complained even though, I was pretty sure he knew exactly what I was thinking. "I don't want to make that choice in there." I didn't say it out loud, I don't want to choose between you and the rebellion. No matter what, I would choose wrong. We were passing the eighth floor and I didn't want to leave him. Ever.

"Em, listen we will be okay," the elevator dinged, signaling that our time was up. I could feel the anxiety bubbling to the surface. Sure I could act like the perfect victor all day long when it was just me, but with Finnick I never had to and that also tended to make me unstable. He wanted to say more but the doors opened. It was time to leave and get back to reality.

"Wait," I said, I didn't want to hold it in any longer. "I love you."

He smiled the most sincere smile I had ever seen and said, "I love you, too."

The door closed right then, before I had a chance to say more and I couldn't grinning. He loved me, he really loved me.

I opened the note, he had put in my pocket and read, I can get us out, but you have to trust me no matter what. The Mockingjay will live on. –Bee

There was hope.

Later that night...

"So how was the first day of training, did you two make any friends?" Effie asked after a quiet dinner. Peeta looked to Katniss and she stared down at her dessert.

"Good, I like the District Three victors," Katniss said, but offered no further comment.

"Really?" Haymitch raised his eyebrows at her in surprise. "At least half the victors have instructed their mentors to request you as an ally. You must have done something right."

"They saw her shoot," Peeta said with a smile.

"You must be good if even Brutus and Enobaria want you," Haymitch laughed. They may want her, but Katniss didn't want them.

"But I don't want Two, I want District Three," Katniss tried to be forceful in her conviction.

"Johanna nicknamed them Nuts and Volts," Peeta remarked, he had no trouble fitting in with all the victors, but Katniss had kept her distance much of the day.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Katniss sighed, she never fit in with the popular crowd at school what would make her think that she would among victors.

"Is there anyone else you like?" Haymitch asked, and Katniss knew she would disappoint him with her answer.

"Mags."

"Of course, you do." Haymitch sighed and asked for another bottle of wine. "It there anyone else? Anyone who might be useful?"

"Actually, Haymitch I think we should watch Emmer's games. So we can see what we're up against," Peeta contradicted. Katniss was not in the mood, she craved sleep as this point and her recap would last over three hours. "I watched it before, but all of them have blurred together at this point."

Haymitch said, "You know what that's not a bad idea. Effie could you get that tape and we'll have our own viewing party."

Within a few minutes, they were all gathered around the television again, and they were watching the Seventieth Hunger Games. Effie skipped from the initial reapings straight to Emmer's reaping. It was morning in District Nine and Emmer was in the seventeen year old section, she looked the same as she did now: still pretty, slightly younger, but she had no glasses on. When Emmer's name was called she did the unexpected. She pumped her fist in the air and yelled, "Yes!"

"What the hell? Who does that?" Katniss said, completely shocked. Who was this victor?

"Some people consider it a complete honor to be reaped, Katniss," Effie commented in that high-pitched Capitol accent Katniss hated.

Katniss made no further comment, Emmer's opening ceremony didn't stand out in anyway and she got a seven as her training score, which was good all things considered. But her interview was amazing. She was sexy and charismatic and funny. She hit it off immediately with Caesar, she talked about what a dream come true it is to meet him. She then kept the ball rolling saying what an honor it is to be selected and she mentioned how she was looking forward to going home to see her boyfriend. It was as if she was handpicked to be the victor. She nailed every persona and still did it flawlessly.

Then it was the minute before the bloodbath. Her arena was an old world city, torn apart and ugly. The Cornucopia was right below a water dam, just off the coast. Emmer was caught in the bloodbath, but managed to get away with a couple of small daggers and a metal contraption with only minor cuts. She killed the boy from Twelve for the daggers and immediately allied herself with the girl from Three. He couldn't have been older than fourteen, he looked just like every other District Twelve tribute before them. Katniss didn't judge her of the kill, she was doing it for survival.

There were nine dead tributes after the bloodbath, including Emmer's district partner, and turned out that the metal contraption was a bear trap and she planted it as they were running away from another tribute. She ended up trapping the female tribute from Twelve with it. Her ankle was completely shattered and she couldn't move. This tribute had managed to get away with some supplies from the Cornucopia. Later they looped at around to her and took her supplies and left her. But not before alerting the Career pack to her. All of the Careers made it through the first day.

"That's horrible," Katniss said out loud and none of her team argued with her. It was just as bad as killing the tribute.

The two tributes started by tracking the Careers when they went to hunt down tributes that night. When the Careers fall asleep, District Three began to plot to break up the Career pack. That night while Emmer was supposed to be keeping watch, she took her supplies and her bear trap and ran off into the night. Emmer was quiet and trapped and stole from the District Six male, leaving him the same way she did with the District Twelve female with the exclusion of alerting the Career pack. The audience was then showed that there was another alliance of the male tributes from Ten, Eleven, and Seven. Three met up with them and they formed a plan to attack the Career pack. This may be her games, but Emmer was pretty silent the following five days. Until she was attacked by some strange looking monkey mutts, she survived, but was struck across one of her eyes. Katniss guesses that's probably why she needed glasses. By the sixth day, their plan was ready to execute and they openly attacked the Careers. Both Ten and Eleven were killed along with the male from One, but Seven managed to behead the male tribute from Four before escaping, sending his district partner screaming from the scene. The entire time the camera showed that Emmer was watching the scene from a building. This girl, the District Four one, looked crazed after and she hid for the rest of the day and Emmer tracked her down. Later that night Emmer received a gift from sponsors: a big scythe, Grim Reaper style.

Katniss started to see Emmer differently right then, and not the way she expected to. First Emmer doesn't even use the scythe like Katniss is sure most were expecting. Emmer was then shown as patient and kind with this tribute. Emmer helped hide her and keep tributes away from the both of them. She fed her, clearly had an extensive knowledge of plants, and held her while she cried in her sleep. Those next three days were shown in quick succession, maybe the Capitol didn't want people seeing such a bond. She protected this tribute who is the same age as her, maybe older, and was a Career tribute. It was totally confusing and threw off Katniss's entire view of the District Nine victor. It reminded Katniss of Rue, poor, sweet Rue.

Then the dam broke, and right away Katniss noticed that almost none of the tributes know how to swim. Most of them drown quickly or get hit by debris. Emmer definitely doesn't and she sinks almost instantly, the only tribute that seems to be proficient, was the one Emmer was protecting. And she dove in after Emmer and pulled her to the surface.

"I don't know understand," Katniss wondered aloud, quietly. District Four could have easily won that games if she just let her drowned. But she saved her and then right as they were about to reach a tree to hang on to, Annie hit the Cornucopia, hard and was bleeding. And just like that the arena drained.

Emmer tried to save her ally, Annie, but it was clearly too late and she ended her life with the scythe. She was unhinged after that, she called to the Capitol and asked or gasoline and a shovel and matches to help with a final showdown and was rewarded within the hour. She took down the female from Two and the male from Seven, the only two tributes left, with skilled traps and fire to send them towards her. She beheaded them with the scythe and said, "You got exactly what you deserved and I made promises." She was crowned after that and the screen went black.

"Woah," Katniss said, not knowing what to think of the victor.

Five years earlier…

I was nervous and so excited to be going home. I kept wondering if Seb would be happy to see me. He told me before I left that he wanted me to win, but we had fighting a lot before I was reaped. And I wasn't the same person he loved before. He might not be the same person. Seeing me act nothing like myself and kill other people could change his feelings about me. I was already worried his feelings had changed.

God, I was so nervous and we were less than two minutes from home. I didn't want to go home anymore. I didn't deserve a home, but I did want to see my brother, Jake. He was two years older than me, looked so much like me, and we had always been close. Our parents had died within weeks of each other and before Seb, we were all each other had. Would Jake look at me differently too? I couldn't take it.

"Darling, we're almost home," Jem said, looking out the window. My head was in my hands, but I wasn't crying anymore. I was thinking. "Listen, we just need a strategy for today."

I lifted my head and nodded. We had just been taking it day by day and so far that was working for me. I had been having panic attacks several times a day, but for television I had managed to keep them down. I had been warned that there would be consequences to my actions unless I performed accordingly. I didn't know if I had yet, so I was constantly on edge. And it was strange, I didn't regret killing the other tributes, I didn't even try to learn their names. It was Annie, who haunted me.

"Today, you don't need to do much acting, just be happy to be home and see your loved ones, okay?" I nodded again. "But no mention of the District Four tribute ever again, not until the Victory Tour. Can you do that?"

I hadn't been talking much lately, but I responded, "I think I can." It should have been her not me.

Jem knew what was at stake if I slipped up and he and Jane had been coaching me since I was reaped how to perform. They believed even then that I was worth saving and they made a choice to help me. I didn't feel worthy of that kind of support, but I never said so.

The train came to a stop and I jumped to my feet, instantly full of nerves. I took a deep breath and stepped forward once the door was open and was met with a bone crushing hug. Seb.

"Em, it's you," he was crying, crying tears of joy. He was always the more emotional one. He accepted me again. It was going to be okay, I looked him up and down; he was no different. Same dark hair, dark skin. Same beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. He was wearing the shirt I made for him, navy blue and it was hideous. He wanted me to feel safe. That was the love I needed right now, not the passionate kind, but the comforting kind. He still loved me.

Jake came to along with his girlfriend, Susan, and the cameras flashed away as the district cheered for my return. I guess they were pretty happy, we hadn't had a victor in almost thirty years. We were kind of starving for one. Seb let go of me and my brother kissed my forehead. He smiled at me, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Are you ready to see our new home?"

"Really you want to stay with me?" I was joking, of course, who wouldn't want one of the nicest houses in the district? Susan smiled at me and nodded.

He rolled his eyes and pulled me towards the crowd so I could address them, but first he whispered, "We'll talk later when we're alone."

I nodded and then I faced my district, ready to be their champion for a few more hours. I wasn't looking forward to what my rebellious older brother would have to say later.

Sorry that I've been kind of slow with updating lately, I just started my semester abroad and it's been crazy, but more to come soon. I will find a regular schedule soon enough.