It's summer break! Yay!

I plan on finishing this fic over break and posting over the course of next semester. We shall see how that pans out. You all have every right to locate me on tumblr and shout at me if I don't pull through.

ESKETTIT

Hae Soo

Amber-colored water rippled within the small, handleless cup, and Soo stared at her reflection as it distorted. The tea seemed to calm her nerves by a hair, but her insides still roiled at the thought of anything that wasn't tea. The tiny little tap-tap-tapping inside her did little to console her, and Soo hated resisting the urge to hold her belly and calm the little baby inside her.

"Eyes up, darling. You've been moping into your tea for too long. Tell me what's wrong."

Lifting her chin, Soo looked at her mother as the older woman peered down at her. Go Myung's kind smile focused on Soo as she circled a finger around the rim of her teacup. "Do I have to hug you and sing to you like I did when you were a little girl? Aren't you a bit grown for that?"

The older woman reached a hand out and Soo sat straight as her mother poured herself another cup of tea. Myung's gold ring clacked against her cup. "I heard from Wook that Mi's grades are rising. Second place in her class isn't bad. Much better than you, I'd say. And Yoon has been learning her manners well at preschool… though is it true she told her teacher that her outfit was ugly? Must have learned that one from Eun."

Soo nodded, listlessly following along as she tried to organize the jumble of thoughts in her cloudy mind. She focused on her mother's blue blouse and slouched in her seat, already fed up with trying to maintain a sense of normalcy.

"Are you and Wook doing alright?"

Her mother's accusing tone shot straight through her barriers and Soo look up in an instant. Her eyes widened as her mother quirked an eyebrow at her. "Hae Soo, are you feeling alright?"

Swallowing deeply, Soo took a breath and shook her head, fighting the urge to hold her belly and find comfort in knowing that her baby was alright. Four pregnancy tests and a secret trip to her doctor had confirmed everything she needed to know.

"Mother… what would you do if you fell in love with someone that… that wasn't my father?" she asked quietly. Tap tap tap, her baby moved and kicked inside. Three pregnancies down and Soo could already feel the tiniest of movements from her littlest love.

Soo scrutinized the woman before her, seeking the answers to her own questions through her mother's opinion. Suddenly, Go Myung's gaze darkened, and Soo knew she understood. Her mother was not someone she could lie to easily, and when the older woman set her teacup down, Soo fought the urge to flinch or retract her words. She expected a sharp rebuke, a glare, or even a condescending look. Soo could recall many times her mother had scolded her when she had been a child. She had hardly listened to her mother in her youth, but this time, Soo sought advice.

"I would choose whoever made me the happiest," Go Myung stated simply. She tapped a perfectly filed nail onto her cup as a confused look overtook Soo's melancholy features.

"But your children-"

"Are important, and are the light of your life. However, you deserve to be happy too. Being a mother does not mean you have to sacrifice every bit of yourself into raising your children. They will understand when they're older."

Before Soo could respond, her mother waved a hand as if to blow away any bad air. Nonchalantly, she gave a dainty sigh. "I think you're too old to be asking dear Mommy for advice on things like this. But," Myung's eyes opened and she narrowed them at her daughter, "if you have found someone outside of your marriage, you should think very very hard about your actions before you continue."

There was a moment of silence. The clock on the wall ticked as Soo digested her mother's advice. Her fingers knotted and strangled themselves into her sweater and Soo bit the inside of her cheek as her mother look down at her, a familiar, scolding look on her face.

"I'm pregnant," Soo whispered, hanging her head and letting her hair cover her face as she braced for the brunt of her mother's scolding. She could still hear the way her mother had berated her for getting pregnant with Mi the first time. Soo doubted she would hear the end of her mother's tirades after having a child out of wedlock with a man that was no longer in her life.

The words hung in the air, a noose waiting for Soo to lean her neck into. Soo saw her own eyes widen in her mother's face, closing her own as she lost her battle of wills and let her hands rush to her stomach to protect the baby inside.

Too many thoughts mixed with too many emotions, and Soo found herself choking back tears as she convulsed through love, hate, anger, fear, and happiness in a matter of seconds. Her head hurt and her heart ached.

"Well…" said her mother. The older woman addressed her daughter with stunned eyes, her mouth opening and closing once before shutting completely. Go Myung brushed something off of her skirt and returned her gaze to her distraught daughter.

"I don't regret it. And I'm keeping this baby," Soo blurted, steeling her voice and holding her belly even as she raised her gaze to look at her mother. "I love that m- I loved him. The father."

Go Myung's eyes narrowed. A disappointed glare settled into her features as she eyed her daughter.

"And what will you tell Wook?"

Soo's fists clenched into her sweater at the mention of Wook's name but she held fast. "I've already consulted a lawyer. I'm going to divorce him and fight for custody of my children. Clan name be damned, he has no right to full custody just because he's their clan head."

Crossing her arms, Go Myung sat back in her seat as Soo ranted. Soo kept her eyes firmly trained on her mother, gauging her for any outward sign of… well, Soo had no idea what she was looking for. Her mother was disappointed in her, but she had already made her decision regarding her baby and Wook.

Go Myung eyed her with amusement. Her hand reached to stroke her chin, her elbow resting against the table. "You've changed. I would have expected blanketed submission… or is it the baby? Are you leaving Wook because you're pregnant? Off to find the father… wherever and whoever he might be?"

Soo gnawed on the inside of her cheek as she shook her head, lifting her chin in defiance and addressing her mother with a hard look in her eyes. The stress that knotted in her belly dissipated and she sat back against her seat, suddenly clearly aware of what her answer was.

Her heart ached as she spoke, but Soo forced her shoulder still. She knew that she had to move forward. To look back would mean to wallow in the stupidity, the agony, and the hopelessness of the past.

"I'm not going to look for the father." The image of So conjured itself in her mind, and Soo paused for the heartbeat it took for her to wonder if her baby would look like him. Wang So, with his narrow eyes and sharp features. His smile would light up her day, but now she had no idea where he was. All she had was the little tap-tap-tap inside her that told her she would never see her baby's father again, and a phone number that she could not bring herself to delete. He was a short phone call away, but Soo was too afraid of rejection to reach out. "He's gone for all I know. And I'm divorcing Wook because I'm not happy with him.

"Mother, I just came here to get my mind off of things, not to be lectured. I have ultrasounds if you want, but if not, then I want to talk to you about moving back into the west suite."

Soo raised her eyebrows and Go Myung smiled. Her mother switched seats to sit beside her, reaching an arm out to wrap around Soo's shoulders while the other hand placed against her belly, where a small bump made itself known. The older woman gave Soo's stomach a pat.

"You know your father and I will support your choices. We'll be here for you and your newest little one. Now, I want to be the first to see my new grandbaby," she immediately said, her tone changing at the drop of a hat. "Let's see that little angel."

With a sheepish smile, Soo reached into her purse and withdrew a clipped stack of images. Removing the metal holder on the stack, Soo passed them over to her mother for inspection.

"Healthy and happy," she said as Myung softly cooed at the tiny little bean in the ultrasounds. Amid a snowy image, the definite shape of her baby was preserved in the picture before her. "I'm at nineteen weeks."

"Will you move here when you divorce Wook? Because the thought of having the girls and a baby in the house is already so exciting. I want all my grandbabies around me. You and the girls can have the western side of the house. Plenty of space for you three and the baby."

Soo bit her bottom lip at the thought of the fight she would have to put up to have custody of her children. "Mother… our divorce is going to be messy."

Go Myung waved the ultrasounds back and forth before leaning in and patting Soo's cheek. The haphazard smile on the older woman's face recalled memories of childhood for Soo, when she had messed up so badly that her mother had not even bothered to scold her and had instead let her stew in her own self-deprecation.

"Hae Soo, if you want this, then you'll have to fight for it. In any case, I will personally make sure you have the best divorce lawyers in the country on your side. But for now," she clapped her hands together, "I think we should talk about renovating the western wing of the house so it'll be ready when you and the girls move in.

"New furniture and a new wallpapering is a given. Your father and Baek Ah were talking about getting a playground built just for the girls and I talked them out of it, but I'll concede on a playpen for the baby."

Suddenly noticing how much she had been smiling, Soo leaned against her mother and sighed, finally able to breathe without worry for just a moment. She felt little again as Go Myung's gentle hands patted her back and head.

"So, you're conceding yourself to being a single mother?" asked Go Myung. Her rouged lips pursed as she quirked an eyebrow in what was clearly a judging look.

Shaking her head, Soo gave her belly a rub as her baby stopped kicking. "I'll take time off to have the baby, but I was hoping you'd take care of my children. I want to go back to work. I'm sure Baek Ah and Dad will be okay with me really jumping into the thicket this time."

Soo could count on one hand the number of time her mother had looked at her with that proud look in her eyes, and each time had involved her children. But this time, she felt that she had earned that look all on her own.

It was childish, but Soo felt proud.

On the drive home, she thought of So again. She recalled him driving her in this very car. On the new year, he had kissed her, and now she missed him more than anyone in the world. Hitman or no, she loved him with all her heart. She faulted his surroundings for making him the way he was. There had been too much sadness and suffering in his youth. She did not blame him for taking a dark road. She hoped he was not smoking again. Soo hoped that she had not hurt him enough into reverting back to bad habits.

Her left hand clutched her phone as her right drove. Wook had not offered her another bodyguard, and Soo knew that if he had she would have declined. Soo's heart ached and her hand curled into a shackle against her steering wheel.

Using her thumbprint to unlock her phone, she used her voice assistant to call someone she had not expected to speak to so soon.

She was done letting other people make decisions for her. Soo decided she would do everything her way from now on.

"This is Hae Soo," she spoke into her phone, cringing at her own tone and gnawing on her bottom lip as she drove. Her hand shook as she held her phone to her ear, too engrossed in her actions to search her purse for her bluetooth. "I'd like to inquire about my divorce papers… could you expedite the process, please?"