Title; Forbidden Love; Ch 23

Author; DreamInfinity0

Rating; pg13 angst, attempt of suicide

Characters; Buffy/Angel, Willow/Xander, Giles/Jenny,

Disclaimer; All characters belongs to Joss Whedon. Lyrics belong to Evanescence and snow patrol. Spoilers for Anne.

Grieving for you,

I'm not grieving for you.

Nothing real love can't undo,

And though I may have lost my way,

All paths lead straight to you

She watches as the wave's crash on the sand. The ocean stretches out in front of her, and it seems like it goes on forever. However, she knows it ends; everything has an ending that's how life was.

If it was her decision, she would gladly let everyone live forever. To live forever and to never grow old, never to feel fear, never to see the one you love to die in your arms. She wondered why life couldn't be that simple. Why couldn't everyone just live forever and be with their loved ones forever? Why was life so cruel to her? Why did she have to fight evil in the world, why her? Why couldn't it be someone else? Why did…he have to die? Why did the one person that took her heart have to leave her broken and lost? And most of all why did he have to leave?

Was this his punishment for all the years his demon killed people? Was this the reason they were making her suffer because she fell in love with her enemy? Was this the reason why fate decided to screw up her life even worse? Or was this there so called a test the oracles told her about, because if this was a test, she was damn tired of it. She was tired of the fates screwing up her life, and she was tired of having them use her as a puppet.

She would do anything to stand in front of them and to wrap her hand around their throats. Anything to squeeze the living shit out of them for doing this to her and anything to relieve the frustration of losing him. Anything was better than living day by day without him.

She thought about it and it defiantly didn't make her stronger. It made her feel lost, like she wasn't the same person anymore. At times when she visited his grave, she just wanted to stay there forever. She wanted to lie on the cold ground and just wait until her body gave out and died right where he lay. Anything was better than this.

She looks up a few minutes later as she realizes she was still on the beach. She just watches the ocean sway as she felt a pair of hands go around her waist suddenly. Her eyes lit up as a familiar feeling went through her. It can't be can it? Can he actually be here with his arms wrapped around her?

"Buffy"

His warm breathe touches her ear and her heart feels like it's going to burst. She wraps her hand around his and leans over to see his face. "Angel………… is it really you?"

He smiles and gently kisses her cheek. "It looks and feels like me, doesn't it"?"

Buffy grinned and turned around to see him fully. Her eyes widen as she noticed he was in a white button down shirt. It was hanged open as he had on blue jeans on. She reached over to lay a hand on his chest. It was warm, so warm but how. She could feel his heart beating under her palm. She quickly looked up and wraps her arms around his neck. He caught her and pulled her body against his. She buried her face in his neck inhaling his scent.

"I missed you." He brushes his hand against her cheek.

"How did you find me here?" Buffy asked staring up into his golden brown eyes. Her mind became fluttered with memories of her and him together their first kiss, their first touch………there first…...

"If I was blind, I would find you."

Buffy smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I missed your body against my and the feel of your skin."

Buffy moaned softly as he suddenly pulled her body closer to his. He kissed her slowly at first then more as it grew into something more passionate. Her warm lips were against his and all he could think about was keeping her with him forever, but he knew that was impossible now. His hands came up to her sides and pushed his hand towards her sides. "I missed you.....so much" He whispered.

He slowly licked the path behind her ear sending her to shiver from the feel of his warm tongue. He moved to the side noticing Buffy was still panting from him. He smiled and took her right hand in his. Her eyes opened and were staring at him with curious eyes. He held her left hand and led her to sit down with him. He then took something out of his pocket and placed it in her hand. "Do you remember the day I gave you this?"

Buffy's stares at the object in her hand. She smiled. It was the ring he gave her for her birthday. "I remember."

"Do you remember what it means?" He asked.

Buffy grinned. She remembered that day perfectly. It was the day they made love, the day they told each other they loved each other; the day….Angelus took over. A day she would never forget. "It's a sign of devotion. The hands represent friendship; the crown represents loyalty... and with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody."

Angel smiled and kissed her hand. "Good memory and never forget it love….. I will always love you."

Buffy ran her hand against his face again as his body leaned over hers. He was staring down at her as she was staring at him. Her face was flushed as she felt him move her one leg around his waist. The sand against her back felt perfect. It felt like this was not real, that everything was too perfect. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but she didn't care. She would take a dream or whatever this was and live in it forever if she could.

"I love you, so much it hurts." He said. Buffy stared at him and noticed he had that look. That sadness in his eyes that told her there was more to what was really going on here. It was the same look he gave her when she seen him in her past dreams of him. "Angel what's wrong?"

He looked at her and cupped her face with his hand. "I wish I could stay."

"What do you mean?" She said realizing what he met. Please tell me this was not just another………dream….

Buffy shakes her head as a tear falls down her face." No…don't do this. Don't leave me."

Angel smiled and kissed her cheek again. "I will never leave you Buffy. I'll always be there with you, watching you, protecting you…forever. He leaned up and brought her with him pulling her up in his arms. "I'll never leave……….. Not, even if you kill me."

Buffy's expression turns from contented to dismay. She looks at him sadly, but he reassures her with a smile. "You have to know to never give up."

He puts her hands softly against his cheeks. "Can you do that?"

Buffy stares at him a little confused. "What do you mean?"

Angel signs and wonders how he's going to say this without thinking he's criticizing her. "You have to try to…live without me."

Buffy opens her mouth in shock "What do you mean?.... I can't live without you Angel. You can't leave me."

"I could never leave you."

Buffy's stares at him and reaches out to touch his face. Her hands reach to his face, but it slowly starts to fade. "No"

Buffy gasps as she starts to lose her sense of sight as she watches him. He starts to fade until he's completely gone. It was like her life was gone, and it was filled with the sound of the ocean waves. Before she could finally realize what happen, everything fades as she is suddenly in her bed and back into a world that she didn't want to be in.

Joyce moved toward the steps once again as she wondered if she should check on Buffy. It's already past ten in the morning on a Saturday, and she's still up their sleeping. She slowly walked up and opened her daughter's door. She had seen her daughter lying on her bed. She was curled up and softly crying to herself.

After watching her for a moment, she felt her heartbreak for her daughter. She was so young and she shouldn't have to go through this or experience this. She was only seventeen years old and to see her so sad that it made her worry about her daughter. It made her wonder how much damage it did to her mentally that she had to kill Angel. Yes, he was a vampire, but her daughter loved him so much that it was making her so depressed at times. It made her wander how could someone go through so much pain losing another? Her divorce with hank was one thing, but it did not make her like this. It made her filled with so much sadness that she was unable to cope with life. And that's how she has seen Buffy's life the past four months since Angel died. Her daughter would barely go to school; her grades were dropping and she would cry every night herself to sleep. The only thing she was doing was slaying, which worried her. She wouldn't come back until five hours later. Sometimes she even had to call Giles to go get her.

Joyce walked over towards Buffy's bed and sat down on the edge. "Buffy...Sweetheart?"

Buffy lifted her head as she realized she was in her bed. Then remembering the past dream she had with Angel. She looked up with teary eyes at her mom. "He's gone."

"Buffy….. I know. It's going to take time for you to heal." Joyce said wrapping her arms around her daughter. Joyce sighed wishing that she could just shield her daughter from the pain, but it was impossible.

"This pain - it won't last forever." Joyce said releasing her arms to look at her daughters face. "Maybe someday there would be someone else"…

"NO." Buffy replied looking back at her mother with glossy eyes." I don't want anybody else, I want him." She whispers sadly. "I feel like I can't life this way – feels like I'm going to die."

"Buffy..."Joyce replied staring at her daughter with worry. She has never seen her daughter so broken, lost, so….. "Buffy….Do you want me to call your friends, I'm sure they would like to see you? Maybe their cheer you up." Joyce said.

"No." Buffy whispers knowing she didn't want her friends over when she was like this. She didn't want them to see her fragile, lost and broken. "I think I'll take a shower and take a walk."

Joyce gets up and walks towards the door. She turns back one last time as she sees her daughter pick up her stuff pig and placed it on the dresser.

Buffy looked up and noticed her mom was still there. "I'll be fine." She whispers, even know she was far from that.

Joyce sighs and stares back at her. "If you need anything please let me know"

"Ok." She watched her mom leave knowing she did want one thing, but she knew that was impossible.

Joyce was just making breakfast when she heard the door rang. She walked over and opens it. She smiles at the man in front of her. "Giles,"

"Hi Joyce…I was ah wondering how is Buffy doing?"

Joyce sighs. "She seems …..Ok…..uh. How is Jenny?" She asked feeling bad that he had lost someone. She never met her but she did still feel bad.

Giles looked back at her sadly. "Ah there is still no change." Giles said lowering his head.

"I'm sorry about her. Buffy spoke a lot about her. She said she is a good woman." Joyce said.

"Ah yes…she is." Giles spoke. "I just hope and pray she would wake up soon."

"Yes me too." After a few moments of silence Joyce looked up as she wondered if she should try to get Giles to help her with Buffy. She was at a losing end of helping her. She was afraid if Buffy didn't get better that she might hurt herself. That was something she didn't want to even think about.

"Giles……Buffy seems to be getting worse…I try to help, but it's so tough at times I don't know what to do anymore. Can you help?"

Giles looks back at her worried. "Has Buffy done something?" Giles asked hoping she wasn't harming herself or anything. For the past month, he knew she was getting worse, but he declined to believe it. He hoped his worst nightmares weren't coming true.

"No, it's just… when I came to see her earlier, she was crying. She was so lost Giles. She said she feels like she's going to die. I mean she's only seventeen. How could this happening to her, to my precious daughter?" Joyce said.

Giles signed and stared back at Joyce sadly. "I'm sorry this is happening Joyce. Ever since she became a slayer her life has changed, and I guess the lost of her love has made it worst." Giles replied wandering just for a moment if it's because of what Angelus did. Did breaking the bonding spell really destroy Buffy? Has it made her feel so bad that she could no longer live her life? If this is the case then he really needed to do some major research if so.

Joyce looks at Giles as he had that worried look on his face. Giles looks back at Joyce and places his hand on hers. "I'll try to help her Joyce. It's the least I can do."

Joyce smiled and thanked him but that didn't stop her from worrying still.

Buffy was now at the cemetery. She had snuck through her window once again. The only difference now it was daylight. She didn't know why she did it. Maybe it was because she was so used to leaving that way that she didn't realize. She had on a pair of black sweat pants, a pink tank top and a leather jacket. She walked for awhile until she made it to the cemetery. She made it to his grave and sat down in front of his grave. His grave was nothing fancy or elegant. It was just a plan regular grave just like everybody else's. The only difference was there is a small heart carved by his name. It had Buffy loves Angel until eternity.

She had carved the heart on the stone with the stake she had that same night he died. She could still remember dressing him, burying him, holding his hand one last time before she closed the coffin lid. That was the last time she has seen his beautiful face and the last time she held her lover in her arms. It broke her heart to leave him there in the cold ground.

Her mind then wondered where his soul was. Was he in hell, heaven or was he somewhere in between like before? Her mind was going through so many things that it was starting to give her a headache.

She silently traced her fingers across his name on the grave stone as a small tear fell down her cheek. She leaned her head against it and slightly prayed she could be with him. She knew she was the slayer and had a job to do, but it was starting to get harder for her. She didn't care most of the time and sometimes when she's out slaying she thinks about just dropping the stake and letting the vamps just kill her already. It was getting to the point she didn't even want to live anymore.

She sat there crossed her legs and closed her eyes briefly, just to see him, her love and her life. She could see him clearly in her memories now. His face, his beautiful brown eyes and his tone body that she dearly missed. God she misses him, misses him to a point that she wanted to be in her arms, even if it was for one last time.

The memories played before her eyes once again. The memories of staking him then of him coming back and dying her arms. "I'm sorry….so sorry." She whispered. The tears came again and this time it felt like it would flow down like the rain.

It felt like hours had passed until she could recuperate from the tears falling down her face. She moved her hand away from the gravestone and stared at it for a moment before standing up. "I miss you." She turned and suddenly stopped as she felt a presence near her. She turned but was faced with nothing but his grave that lay in front of her. She then felt something warm touch her shoulder. "What the..." she jumped and quickly turned around but no one was there again, but she could have sworn she felt something, a presence or something. Maybe it was her imagination.

She then heard a familiar voice call her name, in the distance. She turned as she has seen Willow and Xander walking towards her. Buffy smiled as she quickly wiped the tears from her face.

"Hi Buffy. Are you ok?" Willow asked noticing her friends face. It was red and her eyes were puffy from crying. Xander noticed this too and became worried. "Hay Buffster…..you look like you seen a ghost."

Buffy smiled slightly and looked back at her friends. "Ah…I'm fine. I just thought I have seen something….It's nothing."

Xander came around and placed his arm around her shoulder. "Maybe it's too many of those small marshmallows your mom gives you." He joked.

Buffy stared at Xander and for a moment and let out a small smile.

"See I made the buffster smile." Xander said.

Willow smiled and was glad to see a smile on Buffy's face. She thought she would never see her smile again after Angel's death. Maybe this was a sign she was getting better. Well, she hopes it was.

A strangled smile fell from your face.

It kills me that I hurt you this way

The worst part is that I didn't even know

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

Then maybe it's worth it.

It didn't feel right, letting her walk away like this. He could tell she was at a losing end already and every moment he had spent watching her was making it so hard not to break down himself.

He never wished for this to happen, never wish to make her fall in love with him, never wished to make her life so complicated and never wished to hurt her. It would have been better if he never met her. Her life would have never been this messed up, but then again, she might not even be alive if it wasn't for him. He was the one that saved her life so many times. He saved her from the master, Spike and Dru, but the only person he couldn't save her from was himself.

He turned evil, which transformed him into Angelus. He tired, gosh he tried to stop him so many times, but he couldn't. Once his demon took over he was forced out of the demon and into to a world, he never knew that existed. When he awoken he was greeted by Buffy. It felt like he hasn't seen her in months and then a few minutes later all the memories came back to him. then at that same moment he died in his lovers arms.

When he awoken he was greeted by Whistler. It was strange seeing him here. He still had that same lackey suit on and that stupid grin on his face. He wanted to pummel him but something stopped him once he felt his heart beat for the first time. It was like he was a total different person. He was free and …happy until he had a perfect moment of happiness, which ended up with his evil twin emerging. When he thinks about what all Angelus did to everyone and to Buffy, he wished she would have just killed him when they first met. Hell she did kill him, she staked him, and he died human. The fates really screwed up his life. Even more so she was more surprised he wasn't in hell. He deserved it at least he thanked he did for all the grief his demon caused. Although the fates decided he didn't deserve that since he had a soul. So they decided to put him a place between heaven and hell. It seems fit or a vampire with a soul that fell in love with a slayer. It was kind of ironic and kind of poetic. He guessed he really didn't belong to either, In-between seems to fit.

A few moments later he turned as he noticed Buffy and her friends were gone now. They had left and he was left alone like always. He was always alone maybe it was his destiny but that didn't stop him from thinking about her.

He stopped moving towards Buffy, and walked towards his mansion. "I have to get out of here" he thought, but it was so difficult. He didn't want to leave here. This was his home and his only taste of true heaven. Besides that he really couldn't really leave her like this. He knew she was already on the edge of despair. He wanted to help, no he needed to help her. He loved her too much to leave her like this.

He had to wait…….even if it took him forever.

Giles glanced at his slayer with worry. She looked lost, so sad when he looks at her. She observably looked like she needed sleep and the more he stared at her the more he realized that maybe Joyce was right. That she was at the point of a dangerous depression that could lead her to something that he didn't even want to think about.

He had come to the terms of what happen with Buffy. However, it wasn't the fact she was so lost without her soul mate. It was the fact he died, and it was killing her slowly. He had all his research out on his desk and the more he read, the more it said the same thing. That once the mating spell was broken no matter who they are, they will still suffer a great deal maybe even death. But the fact was she was a slayer, and she was strong. He didn't understand why she wasn't strong enough to fight this. He didn't know the answer, but he was damn sure to help her anyway he could before it came to the point of loss.

He looked up and smiled as he seen Xander try to crack another joke, which made her smile. He wondered at that moment why couldn't Buffy find someone that was nice, dependable and human like Xander or some other nice boy. He seems to make her laugh a lot.

Buffy's brow furrowed in worry as she felt a familiar feeling in her gut again. It was the same feeling she felt when she was at the cemetery. She looked around only noticing her friends and watcher was here. Which she didn't understand why she felt….Him around her, it was impossible for this to happen. He was dead; she killed him to save the world, and she watched him die in her arms. Then why was she feeling this way. Was it her imagination?

"Buffy."

Her gaze searches around the room frantically as she heard her name. She would recognize that voice anywhere. "Did you guys hear that?"

Giles looked up and looked around. "Heard what?"

"I heard a voice…..his voice." Buffy whispered.

Giles paused for a moment. "Who….who did you hear Buffy?"

Buffy took a deep breath as she realized her friends were staring at her. Probably thinking she was crazy or something. She looked back at Giles. "Ah…it's nothing. I thought I heard something."

"Now what did I say about all that caffeine? Too much where make you go paranoid" Xander joked.

Willow gave Xander that look. That if he knew what was best he would shut it.

Buffy scowled at Xander. "I am not…. Paranoid."

Xander noticed the frown on her face. "It was just a joke, Buff. I didn't mean in the crazy way."

Buffy turned to glare at him when she noticed a flicker of movement caught her attention. She quickly turned toward it but nothing was there. God she really must be losing it. "Ah I think that's enough researching for me for today, I think it's fogging my brain."

"Oh do you have too." Willow said.

"Ya we were going to bring out the chips and do a little dance." Xander joked.

"Naa…. I'll see you guys later. Maybe tonight at the bronze." Buffy left and waved back at her friends wondering why she still felt that tingeing feeling in her stomach. She felt like if she didn't get away she would go back to her miserable self.

Giles watched Buffy leave as he turned towards Willow and Xander. He cleared his throat and opened up the watcher diary that he was reading earlier.

Willow noticed and smiled wondering if she would have to help Giles's in research. She was already bored so researching would be a relaxing job.

Xander turned noticing the look on the watcher face. "Oh please don't tell me you're making us research something."

Giles frowned. "Well yes, I would like both of your help on this recent information that I found. It's most important we research this as soon as possible."

"You seem like it's a life and death situation." Xander grumbled.

Giles looked at him hard. "It is a life and death situation. It's a matter of great concern, and it concerns Buffy."

Willow looked at him with worry. "What do you mean it concerns Buffy? She's not going to die is she?" Willow was almost hyperventilating now.

Giles shook his head assuring her that will definitely not happen. "No, it's just I found some information about that ritual that Angelus did months ago."

"Oh you mean the unmating ritual?" Willow replied.

Xander rolled his eyes. "That was probably the best thing he's ever done. Xander said knowing he was glad the vampire was dead.

"Well It seems there are side effects from being unmated. The last person that had this done it drove them insane over the point that they…….She killed herself."

Xander's mouth was open, while Willow was starting to really be worried. "What do you mean she…she killed herself and who?" Willow asked.

"A human girl that lived in the eighteen century. She was bitten and claimed by a vampire and then unclaimed."

"Are you saying this is going to happen to Buffy?" Willow asked.

"This can't happen. She's a slayer….She has to overcome this." Xander said with worry.

"I don't think it has come to this point yet, but I'm afraid if we don't find a cure to help her then this might happen." Giles said.

"Why do you think this would happen?" Xander asked.

"Well I was at Joyce's place earlier, and she told me she was worried about Buffy. Buffy said a few things to make her think she was"…..Giles stopped not able to say it.

"She wouldn't Giles. There is no way she would……do…… that." Willow said very worried now.

"I know she wouldn't but we have to be prepared. It's better to be safer than sorry. Giles said.

Buffy crawled back into her bed when she got home. She was tired and more than so frustrated. She was sure she heard his voice. When she was walking home, she was sure she heard his name. She was even sure she felt his presence in the library; even know her friends thought she was crazy.

She laid in her bed clutching her pillow to her chest as her knees was pressed up to her chest. It was still so hard to keep going. She sometimes felt like she didn't even want to move. Hell she would rather lay on the cold ground by her dead lover if it was up to her. She thinking and just staring at the wall when her door opened.

"Buffy" It was Willow. She was worried. She could see the look in her eyes. "I asked your mom if it was ok, and I brought you some pie. My mom made it. Willow said noticing by the looks Buffy wasn't paying much attention to her. She then was glad she did come. It was unlikely for her friend to leave this early in the day and to not hang out with her friends. For the past week, she noticed she just wanted to be alone and the more she thought about it the more Giles words came to her. That it was possible she was depressed and could try to hurt herself. Of course she didn't believe any of it until now. Buffy looked so sad and lost that she had to stop herself from walking over and wrapping her arms about her best friend. Willow sat close by her and laid the plate of cookies on the stand.

"I know that you are hurting, and I just wanted to let you know we are there for you. But I'm worried about you……Buffy. We all our and I wish you would talk to us. You haven't said much to us since the past month about"….

"Don't." Buffy replied not wanting to hear his name because every time she heard his name it made her want to break down even worse.

Willow looked down sadly and notices she was on the urge of tears. "Buffy it's ok to express your feeling….to."

"Willow please…..I just want to be left alone." Buffy said.

After while Willow finally sighed and left, closing the door behind her. Once Buffy heard her door shut, she quickly took a glance at the food and turned away knowing no need for food. She then took the cross that Angel gave her a year ago. She gently placed it on and walked into the bathroom as she then started to remember the past dreams she had once ago. The dream or vision she had about the oracles. She kept wandering and thinking about what they said to her the day she got her powers back.

"There are things, events that will lead you to where you will be heading and where you need to be to become better than you now?" The oracle said.

"You are here for a test…..a test to see if you can survive a sacrifice of someone you love. If you can do this then all hope is not lost."

Her mind wondered if this was a test. Was this their ideal of making her stronger, making her their puppet and able to control her life like this? Who the hell did they think they are? She wasn't their puppet; she was no one's damn puppet. How could they do this to her and use Angel like this?

She then stared at herself as she noticed tears were falling down her cheek and that once again she felt the loss of him in her heart. And at that moment she felt once again to leave and never come back.

Dead star shine, Light up the sky

I'm all out of breath, my walls are closing in

Days go by, Give me a sign

Come back to the end, the shepherd of the damned

I can feel you falling away

He stands there as he watches her. He's sitting near her and it takes what's left of his energy to try to touch her. Every time he tried his hand would go right threw her like he was invisible. He could tell she was falling away, and it was making him so hard not to cry out for her. To do anything to get rid of her pain but he knew he couldn't. Her tears were drowning her as he reached out to her, and to his surprise his hands touch her warm face. "Buffy."

Buffy's eyes went wide and looked around her noticing there was no one there. She touched her face as she was still able to feel the familiar touch on her face. Then at that same moment she heard a voice…his voice. "Angel."

Angel smiled as his eyes went wide wondering if this was true. Did she actually hear him? Was this even possible? He tried again to try to hold her hand, but it didn't work. He cursed slightly wondering why this had to happen to him. Why couldn't they just put him out of his misery a long time ago?

Buffy turned again as she once again felt the cold touch of fingers on her shoulder. She froze this time as she let out a deep breath trying not to panic by the sensation that went through her body. She didn't know if she wanted to run away knowing the fact it might be true that he was actually here. The fact he was actually hunting her. If that was the case, then her life would never be the same. To never seem him again, only to feel him as some sort of imagination that she only knew about. She couldn't live like that. For once it would drive her to break down and to cause her to want to be with him more. It would cause her to want…….die. She then realizes that wet tears were on her face. She had not realized she had cried until the thought came up in her head. That could she actually do something like that, to leave her duty, her friend and her mom. Could she actually live without them to be with the one person she loved so much?

His hands were on her shoulder now, and he could feel her smooth skin against his finger tips. He doesn't know how he's able to do this, but he is. He could finally touch her. He then leaned over as he gently whispered her name in her ear hoping and praying she could hear him. His mind kept going over that if this was wrong to stay with her and hunt her like this. Was it wrong to never wanting to leave her side while he watched her break down like this? Was it wrong that he wanted her to be with him forever, even if it met…?

Buffy cried again as she heard her name again. She could hear him, he really was here. "No." She quickly got up and ran towards the bathroom shutting the door. She slide down the door and curled her knees up to her chest. rocking back and forth. She once again felt his presence as she started to feel that heartrending feeling in her body once again. "Go away…please." She cried.

Angel backs away from the door and stayed there hearing her sobs. It was so hard to see her this way. He was hoping praying for anything to make her see him. He just wanted to see, touch her face and to have her look in his eyes one last time before he left. He was wearing to stay here forever but the more the thought about it. The more he knew how wrong it was to stay and haunt her like this. She needed to move on, and he needed to do the same but not like this. He had to fix this first.

After a few moments of waiting and listening, he decided to move thru the door. That was so weird to say threw the door. It even felt weirder every time he went thru a wall or door. He just pass right threw it like it never did exist. He said her name again when he heard something metal drop the floor. He heard the sound of her deep breath. He slowly walked forward as his eyes went wide by the site.

The first thing his eyes laid on was the metal knife on the floor. Buffy was standing there tears rolling down her face as she stared at him with wide eyes. Angel shook his head and cried out as he seen her wrist. It all led him to think this was wrong, that this was some awful messed up dream. That she didn't actually do this. How could she do this? She was a slayer and was strong, and now she was……

Buffy's eyes opened up wide and stared at the familiar face standing in front of her. He looked the same but was more beautiful than ever to her. Instead of the dark clothes he usually had on, he had on a pair of white pants and white shirt. She wondered if this was really real or if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Then again, maybe this was real, since she was slowly slipping away. Slowly slipping away from this world into his. Yes it was wrong but she didn't care. She wanted to see him, wanted to hold him in her arms again.

"Oh god……Buffy. What have you done?" Angel whispered as he moved toward her.

Buffy smiled. "Are you here to take me away my love?"

Angel gasped as he seen the trail of blood drip down her wrist to the floor. He quickly ran towards her as she started to fall. He reached out and held her body as they went down. He smiled as he realizes he was actually holding her. He could actually feel her body against his. "Buffy…why did you do this?"

Buffy reached out and touched his face. "Because I missed you so much. Because I couldn't live without seeing your face or feeling your touch again……I missed you so much Angel it hurts." She gasped wrapping her arms around his neck.

A tear fell from his eyes as he lifted her in his arms. He reached out and opened the door. Then he quickly laid her on the bed as he grabbed one of Buffy's shirts lying on the bed. It took him three tries to pick it up, but he did it finally. He then wraps it around her wrist. "Buffy…You need to call out for help….please."

"No. I want to stay with you…..please" she reaches out and touches his face again as he stares at her. "I love you."

Angel smiled. I love you too. He then turned as he seen the door open. Thank goodness. He hoped it was one of her friends. He turned back to Buffy as her eyes were closed. Oh god, Buffy, Buffy, wake up! Wake up….

Willow walked in and gasped as she has seen the blood on the sheets by Buffy. She ran to her friend not noticing the ghost that was there. "Oh god Buffy." Willow quickly took Buffy's hand noticing her pulse felt weak and her wrist was wrapped in a cloth. The cloth was soaked with blood. "Somebody Help....JOYCE." Willow screamed panicking for her friend. She quickly picked up the phone and dialed 911.

Buffy opens her eyes as Angel stared at her with tears in his eyes. "Buffy don't do this. You have to fight"….

Buffy looked up and smiled as she seen her best friend Willow and Angel's beautiful face looking at her. "Angel, I love you."

Willow stared at her and realized what she said. Angel? But he was dead. How could she see him? Was she dying? Before Willow could panic anymore Joyce ran in.

When Joyce walked in she almost had a stroke. She had seen her daughter body lying on the bed and then the blood on her wrist. She cried out and ran to her daughter. She quickly took her hand and held the shirt that was wrapped around her wrist. "Buffy please stay with me.....Buffy."

She softly cried as Willow was on the other side hoping for anything but a miracle. As Joyce wondered if her nightmares were coming true because this was one of them. This was the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

On the other side of Buffy, Angel was sitting there. He was gently staring at her as her eyes were open. She was holding him while he was too shocked to do anything but hold her. He didn't know if it was the fact that she was actually in his arms or the fact he was staring at her pale body that was still lying on the bed. He didn't know if he was happy or sad. Maybe he was a mix of both because he finally got what he wanted Buffy was dying and she was with him. Her friends were here and family. Even know he would love for her to stay with him, he knew it was wrong which made him decided he needed to fix this before he changed his mind.

He carefully gathered her close to him and stared at her beautiful eyes. "Love……….You can't come with me. It's not your time." He spoke.

Buffy looked over as she watched the doctors come in and try to revive her. She looked back at Angel and touches his face again. "No, if you go then so will I."

Angel shook her head at her stubbornness and picked her up and laid her on the bed beside her body. He then looked over to see Buffy soul starting to float back to her body. "Angel."

Angel smiled and cupped her hand one last time. "Fight Buffy. Do it for me, do it for your friends, family and do it for the future of us? That there is a good chance that I'll be back. Please do it for me.

Buffy smiled as a tear fell down her cheek. A future, which we might have? How is that possible she thought?

"It's a test…….don't' give up" Angel said not knowing if it was true or not, but he didn't care. He needed her to be alive. Not to die at such a young age. She was met for more than this.

"Don't leave me."

Angel smiled and leaned against her. "I'll never leave you …..I promise"

Buffy smiled as she suddenly felt like she was pulled back in her body. She took a deep breath and open up her eyes as she was once again back into the real world. However, the only difference was Angel was here, and she could actually see him and he could actually touch her. Was this real or some sick joked she wandered because it felt real. To real to be fake because she can feel her heart starting to beat again and everything starting to come back together.

Buffy took her first breath of air and for the first time since his death, she felt like she was reborn.

Sorry for the long wait….I've had writers block for awhile. I'm finally glad I posted it. Hope everyone likes this chapter and review………..Review……………….Review Please.

I really love when I get reviews. It lets me know there are actually people reading this and that I'm not doing this for nothing. It took me forever to finish this chapter. I'm glad it's done.

See aren't you glad I didn't end the last chapter. Also just to let everyone know that the next chapter will be filled with lust, angst, and maybe some smut. I'm thinking that's what some of you wanted to read RIGHT?