a/n - hehe a weird one. i've never personally been a fan of fics or fanart where the main characters, after the events of the story, settle down and raise a fambily!1!1 a lot of it borders on ooc-ish territory in my opinion, and if you like that sort of thing hey more power to you! just that kind of stuff is not my cuppa, which is what this fic addresses :P (cloud does not strike me as the type to want kids)
i've also officially exposed my lesbian cloud brainrot (gay cloti :))
well, uh anyway, enjoy. and lemme know what you think if you got a chance
...
Cloud doesn't know how to respond when Tifa innocently asks, "Have you…ever wanted kids?"
It's just them in Seventh Heaven, Tifa behind the bar, Cloud on the stool, while everyone else is off doing their own things, so the pressure to answer immediately isn't as burdensome. Still, those awful pricks of guilt burning her face as her cheeks redden are enough to get her speaking, even if her words end up nonsensical.
So she says, "They make me feel sick."
It's the truth, but it feels wrong coming from her, and she slouches in her seat at the sight of Tifa's shock.
"Really? You seem to be fine around Marlene—"
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that." She struggles to put her feelings into words like usual, and her throat dries up while her mind blanks. After an awkward pause that probably makes her look worse than she already does, she adds, "It's the whole…it's pregnancy and childrearing that, uh…I dunno, makes me uncomfortable."
She's minimizing her true sentiments toward pregnancy, but she doesn't want to upset Tifa—they've never truly discussed a topic like this before, and she doesn't want to disrespect her own feelings.
The shock fades from Tifa's face. "Well, I'm not surprised. I don't think I want to have any of my own, either. I mean, Marlene is enough, you know? And, to tell you the truth…" She suddenly looks anxious and glances away. "Pregnancy freaks me out a little, too."
"Huh?" A wave of relief washes over Cloud.
"It's…It's always bothered me. I never liked the idea of someone growing inside you, how your stomach stretches out, the whole mess of childbirth…No, not for me. I suspect you feel the same way?"
She fidgets. Her dislike is something more, something primal. It's more visceral—it's a fear. Tifa doesn't have to worry about J-cells or years of unethical experimentation. She's had nightmares about being pregnant, in fact, even if she thinks it's ridiculous to dream about such things. They're never the same scenario. Sometimes they're short and she wakes up immediately, sometimes they're long and realistic, and other times they're far too long and she has to force herself to wake up. The worst she ever had was the most surreal one, where she woke up and the baby was growing…in her back. Like one of those Surinam toads she had seen long ago. She woke up with a jolt the moment the baby started to move.
"Cloud? Everything alright?"
"Yeah—yeah, I was just thinking…I really don't know how my body could handle a baby. If I could handle one at all, that's what scares me." Instinctively she starts scratching one of her elbows, mostly to chase away the guilt haunting her. She doesn't even know why she feels guilty, she just does. And she hates that. "I mean, I still don't know the full scope of what Hojo did to me. For all we know he could've made it so that I'll have the baby in my chest…And that's not even getting into defects or how likely it'd be for me to die from childbirth."
"It's not worth the risk, honestly." Tifa flashes her a warm smile when Cloud glances at her. "I'd much rather have you remain with us."
Her heart flutters at her words. They should be insignificant, silly, but they mean the whole world to her.
"Besides, I don't think raising another kid in this environment is exactly…ideal, considering we're basically in an apocalypse, you know?" It's delivered in a lighthearted manner but pain lurks within it. Pain not for the hypothetical additional child, but pain for them and the others. Cloud nods in agreement.
They sit in silence for a while as Cloud continues to think. Suddenly, she says, "I don't think I'd be a good mother, either. I'm bad enough with people as it is—kids are just another level entirely." She stops at the sight of Tifa's smirk. "What? What's so funny?"
"I don't know, Cloud," she says in a sly voice, her cheeks flushing. She's moved toward the edge of the bar. "You're pretty good with me."
Now it's her turn to blush. This time she looks away instead of freezing in fear, but Tifa's giggling implies she already saw. "You're just saying that to be nice."
"Sure I am." The hug is a surprise, but she doesn't mind, and it's not long before she starts embracing her back. Tifa's warmth is strong and hearty, comforting. Cloud feels much safer in her arms. "And surely I'm just doing this to be nice, too?"
She smiles. "Shut up."
"Anyway," her mock exasperation slides into genuine sweetness. "I'm just glad you mostly feel the same way I do about, well, you know…kids, and families. Barret and Marlene are the best exceptions we could ask for, though, right?"
"Nope. Hate 'em." She laughs as Tifa gently socks her in the arm.
"Oh, c'mon! Be serious for once," she says with a smile. "You're so annoying like that."
Cloud's quiet, for a moment. "…You wouldn't mind if we stayed like this for a while, would you?"
They look each other in the eyes and understand immediately. "You still think you have to ask?" She brings her even closer—to plant a kiss on her forehead.
Cloud, deciding she could do her better, stands on her toes to exchange a proper kiss on Tifa's lips—after all, she hasn't given her one in a while.
She's stunned into silence, blushing again, but the sparkles in her lovely red eyes tell her everything.
Perhaps it's also her way of saying thank you; her thanks for Tifa's acceptance.
It's the apocalypse, after all—nuclear families aren't the priority.