- K -
Only 2 days had passed when she showed up at his door. She was dressed in pajamas, this time spandex shorts and a large red t-shirt with the Haruno clan symbol, but it was to be expected as it was 2am. He opened the door and let her slide past him before closing it and taking the lead to guide her back to his room after she'd kicked off some ridiculous bunny slippers. He recalled those being a gift from Sai at her birthday as girls "like pink and cute things."
He reached his bed and settled onto the side against the wall despite his normal spot being next to his nightstand. Their rooms had similar layouts. Ninja had a common sense of practicality even in apartment décor. Corner beds limited the number of directions an attack could come from.
Sakura twisted her fingers nervously and stared at him before crawling under the covers next to him, noting the single pillow on the bed and wriggling closer to him to share it. She moved around for a moment, settling into the warm and large imprint he had left. "I'm sorry." The words were spoken into his comforter at such a low volume he barely heard it. Maybe she had said it more to herself than anything.
"There's nothing to be sorry for."
"I took your spot."
"It doesn't matter to me."
Suddenly a small hand reached out to grasp his right and he found himself looking into emerald eyes. He settled back into his pillow, laying on his back, and let his eyes slide shut.
"Most of the time when I dream, something is added." He was surprised to hear her talking about the contents of her nightmares. "Sometimes it's just what actually happened. The torture and being afraid they had a genjutsu that could exploit my memories. Other times, it's worse."
I don't want to hear this.
"I've dreamt of them using me as leverage to get to Naruto or to get Tsunade to negotiate my safety." There was nothing that described Sakura more than this situation. Tortured to near death and her worst case scenario was it hurting her loved ones. He couldn't help but to notice he didn't consider herself someone close enough to him to be a threat.
"Sakura, what happened?" I need to hear this.
A sob cut through the air and he turned to look at her. As expected, she'd turned her face to hide it from him and she pulled her hand away from him to cover her face with both palms. "I can't."
Pink hair brushed against his pillow as she shook her head, continuing to suck in air as if none of it was reaching her lungs. "Please, please just trust me. I can't."
There was nothing to say to that. Once again, he'd seen a glimpse of the Sakura he understood, one that had always been honest and open, only for her to suddenly run from him – literally when she'd left his apartment. When she spoke again, she continued to talk about her nightmares while refusing him the details of the mission.
"I'm just so grateful to have everyone back together, Naruto and I were so worried and scared and – " Hiccupping breaths cut up her sentence. "I don't want Sasuke coming home to be tainted with my experience. I'm so sorry.
"Sometimes I dream of you dying. You dying trying to protect me like you always have. Like you're doing right now." His head turned to the side to make eye contact with her. She reached up and swiped at the tears that wouldn't stop. "I'm so sorry –" Hiccupping breaths cut up her sentence. "I meant for it to be a secret. I don't want you to pity me – I'm not weak."
He echoed his earlier thoughts, "There's nothing to be sorry for." He reached out to grasp her wrist and pull her hand from her eyes. It wasn't stopping her tears anyways. "You aren't weak. You should talk to someone so you're not just thinking about it alone."
"But you always do." Touché.
"That doesn't mea—"
"You hide everything. I've never seen you cry or lash out unnecessarily or ask for someone to stay the night with you. You don't cry far too often or nearly break Naruto's skull."
"That doesn't make you wrong or weak to do so. I ignore Naruto's rambling so I don't resort to hitting him." A joke at Naruto's expense never failed. She gently smiled, but the pain in her face didn't fade. "I don't recommend the path I took. I wouldn't change it, but there are things I did that created more pain."
She curled into him in likeness to the other night and he let his arm resume its position coiled around her shoulders. "Thank you."
Two words encompassed gratitude for compassion when one was faced with crushing fear, anger, and sadness. Staring down at her, Kakashi had to wonder if this was how she had acted after other traumas in her life.
Like that fight on the bridge.
Being honest with himself, it wasn't truly a fight. Sakura had tried her best to kill Sasuke and Sasuke tried his best to kill her. The difference between them was that Sasuke would have actually followed through had Naruto and himself not interrupted.
Sasuke had been ready to kill her.
Konoha, and the people of all nations in truth, would have lost an irreplaceable fighter and medic. There would have been no mass healing during the final battle and the likelihood of winning would have decreased dramatically. Naruto would have lost a lifelong friend, Tsunade would have lost an apprentice, and he – he would have lost Sakura. Their connection as sensei then equals left him unsure of how to treat her. She wasn't the only one having difficulty adjusting to the new team dynamic.
As much as he tried to be detached, to see the tangible loss in numbers, accomplishments, and attachments to other people, Kakashi couldn't stop from feeling a pit in his stomach. Because Sakura would have been gone, not just a medic and a shinobi. She needed to be kept at arm's length from him for her own sake. Attachment to him would only bring her suffering. Being associated with him, a man with sins beyond her darkest imagination, would expose her to trouble she didn't deserve.
His arm clenched tighter around the girl in his grasp. Kakashi would never hurt her nor would he let anyone else hurt her.
Well, not again.
" 'Kashi?" His thoughts were cut short when she whispered his name through the cloak of exhaustion that slurred her speech.
"Hn."
"I forgot to bring your clothes. I'll bring them next time."
"Aa."
- K -
"Pervvvvv!" Kakashi was pulled from the peace of sleep by the yell of his blonde teammate. There was a split second of panic as the silver haired man glanced at the spot beside him, worried about what to do about Sakura being in his apartment. However, that problem had resolved itself because he found his normal spot empty and the bed cold signifying that she'd left some time ago.
Banging on the door persisted and Kakashi was forced to answer the door just to shut the man up. "Hey old man! Put some clothes on before the sun reflecting off your pale skin blinds me on top of you being a pervert walking around like that."
"Naruto, I live here. I can dress how I want."
"Well sure, but we're going shopping and you can't walk through the village like that unless you want Tsunade to murder you." Sasuke was standing slightly behind the blonde, looking displeased at being dragged along for the errands.
"I don't need anything."
"Not for you, asshole. For Sakura!" What? Does he know? Kakashi tensed, mind whirling through dozens of possible lying explanations. Before he could grab onto one train of thought, Naruto continued. "It's her birthday tomorrow and Ino told me we needed to get her something. We're having a celebration at Bourbon Street tomorrow, so we need it by then."
While it had been a number of years since Kakashi had been in the village for her birthday, he did note a difference. Sakura had used to announce her birthday weeks ahead in hopes everyone would do something for it – which obviously mostly been Naruto making an effort to try and get a date. Now, she seemed to be hiding it from him as everyone else knew. It doesn't seem she's talking to anyone about this if Naruto is this clueless.
After much prodding, Kakashi got dressed and the three men left for the downtown district of Konoha. Somewhere in Naruto's rambling Kakashi was able to catch that Sakura was working at the hospital for the day so they had the day off from training and didn't need to worry about running into her.
Being honest with himself, Kakashi had no idea what to get the pinkette. He hadn't ever bought her a gift, birthday or not, and his only guesses drew from the youngest 12 year old version of herself that loved clothes and decorating. Thinking on it, she held almost no resemblance to her younger self aside from the hair and eyes. Men barely got a glance from her, she dressed practically in medic or mission attire almost always, and her work came before everything else. While it was convenient her current work overlapped with being around her teammates, he had no doubt they would be seeing less of her once their men's arms were at full capacity. Something about it struck him as sad, but he brushed it off. It was just the idea of changes within Team 7 that bothered him, not the woman herself.
Sasuke seemed equally displeased at being present if his scowl indicated anything and they were likely both in the same boat of having zero ideas. For being her best friend, Naruto didn't have any more an idea of what to get her than them. Apparently Ino had absolutely refused to help saying something along the lines of the gifts being more special that way.
Both men were growing irritated when Naruto finally found his gift in a home goods store – a new set of oven mitts as apparently Sakura had burned herself using a dish towel to pick up a pan the other day. With a cheeky smile the blonde waved goodbye and left the men behind in the store staring blankly around.
Kakashi caught himself shoving his hands in his pockets at the same time as Sasuke and had to wonder what other behaviors the Uchiha had learned from him.
"What are you getting her?" Sasuke asked. It seemed he expected Kakashi had been more present around Sakura than was actually true.
"I have no idea. I don't think she'd appreciate a piece from my favorite fiction literature series."
Snickering, Sasuke shot him an amused look. "I would show up just to watch her open that gift."
Conversation lapsed into silence and Kakashi cleared his throat. "She's doing her best. I know it's been hard for you to come back and I'm sure it's a culture shock, but she has respected you every step of the way. You owe her the same." Obsidian eyes glared at him, clearly not having expected a scolding from his ex-sensei.
"She's pushy."
"Stubborn. She's stubborn. Not pushy. The difference between the two is that she knows what she's doing so she doesn't back down when either of you question or whine about her decisions." Sasuke's face twitched in annoyance at the implication he was whining.
Fixing the jonin with a hard stare, Sasuke refused to bend at the accusation Kakashi was making. "I don't see any indication you've been a stellar teacher to her. Don't act like I'm the only one who hurt her."
At least he acknowledges he hurt her. I guess that's a step in the right direction.
Playing games in trying to figure out who held more fault was not of Kakashi's interest, especially not with the Uchiha male. "I don't know how you feel about her, nor do I care, but I do care how you treat her."
Sasuke shot him one more furious glare before stalking out of the store, leaving Kakashi to return to his hopeless mission of finding Sakura a present. As he glanced around, an image of the night before flashed through his head and he heaved an internal sigh at being able to finally go home.