TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal ideation

Celeste saw herself spending more time with Leah when she wasn't working in the farm or fishing in the mountain lake. They'd often go to the beach together so Leah could draw, and Celeste could catch some fish or buy some bait from Willy at the seaside shack. Celeste found herself feeling comfortable with Leah and she was glad she was able to make a close friend so early on.

The sea breeze was starting to pick up and cool down the air, the coldness of the wind biting at Celeste's cheeks and sending shivers down her spine.

"Leah, let me walk you home before the storm comes in." Leah graciously got up from the sand, rubbing her pants with her hands, and together they made way past Pelican Town and into the edge of Cindersap Forest where Leah's cottage was.

Once they got to her studio in the woods, Leah looked up at Celeste and said, "It's just under a week away, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Flower Dance with me! It's this annual festival we have to commemorate the ending of spring."

Celeste looked up at her and smiled. "I'd love to!"

The coop was nearly ready, and Celeste couldn't wait to tell Marnie and Shane. She was spending a lot of the evenings in the saloon since she didn't have a kitchen yet, and thus, she spent a lot of time talking to him. It was a Friday evening, and she had plans to hang out with Sebastian and his gang later in the evening, so she headed to the saloon early in hopes of catching Marnie and Shane there.

Shane walked in first. Like clockwork. Celeste excitedly marched his way, ready to tell him about how the coop was almost ready and how she planned to buy some chickens tomorrow. She was hoping to get his blessing.

Shane had a forlorn look to his face. She couldn't help but feel like she did something wrong.

He sighed. "...Every day is the same. Stocking those horrible shelves, going to the saloon, tossing and turning all night." Celeste grabbed on to Shane's hands before he could latch on to the pint glass as if it were his lifeline.

"Hey, look at me." He lifted his face to look into those grayish green eyes. "Have you considered doing something with chickens? You're so passionate about that." And she was right. She never saw Shane smile unless he was talking about the chickens or his goddaughter Jasmine. He wanted to. But the grip that Joja Mart had on him was too much; it was stable and funded his self-destructive habit well. However, he had been drinking less lately, spending less money… Something about Celeste being around made him feel like he didn't need to drink as much alcohol to feel drunk.

Once Marnie walked in, Celeste left Shane's side and eagerly went to Marnie to talk about chicken plans.

Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail walked into the saloon in succession. Sam flashed a smile and waived at Celeste. "I'll be right there, guys, I'm just talking to Marnie about something really quick!"

The trio made their way to the arcade room and set up the pool table. They did this every Friday night: Sebastian would beat the forever hopeful Sam at pool while Abigail relaxed on the couch watching them. They would chat over pizza and Joja colas until Gus was about to close and they would head home for the night.

As Sebastian was placing the balls on the table and chalking his pool stick, Sam looked around before leaning into Sebastian and saying, "Dude, I think you should ask Celeste to the Flower Dance. It's next week!" Abigail was sitting close enough to the two of them to hear so she rolled her eyes and groaned lightly.

Sebastian put the pool chalk down, placed his stick upright on the ground, and glared at Sam. The bright blonde grinned and said, "Ok, if you don't then I will…," as he shoved Sebastian's shoulder, causing him to slightly lose his balance.

"Ok dude. Ok." Sebastian looked to make sure Celeste wasn't headed their way quite yet. He lowered his voice and brought his head closer to Sam's. "But who's to say she would even say yes?"

Sam was about to open his mouth when Celeste entered the arcade room. "Hey guys! Ready to play some pool?"

That night, after Sebastian beat Sam at a game of pool for the 100th time, they all left the saloon as a group, splitting up at the fork when it was Sam's turn. With a quick hug goodbye for Abigail shortly afterwards, Sebastian offered to walk Celeste home so she wouldn't be alone in the dark.

She let out a small laugh. "I can walk myself, Sebastian. I've done it so many times before."

Sebastian got flustered, not know where to go from this. "But the company would be nice," she added when she saw his reaction.

The walk to her farm took another 15 minutes after they said goodbye to Abigail. It was dark along the path and Celeste was using her phone to light the way.

When they got to her doorstep, Celeste turned to Sebastian to thank him for walking her home. "Are we still playing Solarian Chronicles tomorrow?," she found herself saying instead. Sebastian's face lit up, "Of course! It wouldn't be a Saturday night without it."

Celeste smiled and said, "Thanks for walking me home," before giving Sebastian a tight hug. She walked in and closed her door, Sebastian standing there for awhile realizing that he never found the courage to ask her to the dance, and he never thought he would.

It was Saturday morning and Celeste was so excited to finally be able to get her chickens! She attended her crops bright and early, leaving quickly to Marnie's so she would arrive just as she opened.

Marnie wasn't attending her shop this morning. Instead, she was in the kitchen, mixing away at a bowl, different ingredients sprawled on the counter and flour on her face. She was humming happily to a tune that Celeste didn't recognize. When Marnie noticed she walked in, she looked at Celeste and delightfully exclaimed, "Oh dear! I'm sorry for running late! It's Shane's birthday and I wanted to make him a special cake."

Celeste smiled. "It's okay, I can come back later."

"Oh no, sweetie. Let me just put this frosting to cool. Give me a moment."

Marnie finished mixing the naturally pink icing, wrapped it in plastic, and placed it in the fridge. A soft pink, strawberry cake sat on the counter, waiting to be decorated.

"Where's Shane?," Celeste heard herself say, while Marnie was finishing up.

"He's in the coop with his chickens. You should go say hello!"

She led Celeste into the coop through the back door of the kitchen where they saw Shane smiling, talking to a white chicken he held tightly in his arms. Celeste thought to herself how she has seen him grin, but never smile.

"Shane, dear! Keep Miss Celeste some company while I clean up the kitchen!" Celeste turned to look at Marnie as she walked back into the house, closing the door after her, before turning to face Shane. His eyes were wide and his cheeks red, his smile had faded.

Celeste made her way to Shane, smiling, before saying, "Happy birthday." He let out a small grin. "Thanks."

Celeste walked around the coop, looking at the chickens, kneeling down in an attempt to stroke the soft feathers of their back, frowning when they darted away from her hand. Shane lowered the chicken in his grip and called for the others, making clicking noises.

She looked up in amazement, seeing what he was doing. All the chickens started running towards Shane as he started laughing, touching them all on their backs.

"They respond to certain calls… and you have to build their trust."

Celeste's eyes lit up. "Please show me, Shane."

They stood there, staring at one another for a moment before Celeste spoke again. "I came to get some chickens from Marnie today. I'd be grateful if you showed me a thing or two."

Celeste stayed with Shane and his small, non-traditional family for a birthday breakfast, cake and all, before heading back to her farm. Marnie didn't quite have the chickens ready yet for Celeste to take home with her. "They're still in the incubator, but they should be hatching any day now! I'll be sure to have Shane take them over when they do."

The farmer smiled as she headed for the door, giving Marnie a hug as both a thanks and a goodbye. Shane had gone to his room after he was done with breakfast as Celeste sat there chatting with Marnie, so she said before she left, "Tell Shane I said 'happy birthday' once again. I'll see you soon!"

Saturday nights, Celeste hung out with Sebastian at his place, Sam included, gathered around the small table on the floor playing Solarian Chronicles and getting high. She loved being around those two and felt like they balanced each other out, with Sam's brightness and over-the-top expressions and Sebastian's reserved and cool darkness.

She left a little earlier than usual this week, not wanting it to get too dark before her walk home. "You're leaving already? We just started to have some fun," Sam bickered when Celeste started grabbing her things.

She let out a small laugh and responded, "Sam, I have an early morning tomorrow. I'll see you and Seb tomorrow." She gave both boys a hug and headed for the door at the top of Sebastian's staircase.

Frantically, Sebastian found the courage to finally say, "Celeste! Let me walk you out."

As they made their way out the door of the house, the warm spring breeze started to pick up and drop off, a sign that it wouldn't be too much longer before summer came. The darkness cast a shadow where only Sebastian's pale face was visible in the light of the crescent moon, and the nighttime was left with a stillness that only the sound of frogs croaking can break through. As Sebastian looked at Celeste once she turned after reaching the outdoor air, he left his fringe in his face, covering his right eye as if to hide his expressions.

She leaned in to give the thin man, clad in dark clothing, a final hug goodbye. He lingered, before pulling away. He looked down at the damp soil, rubbing the back of his head. "Uh… Celeste…?"

"Yes?"

"So next week is the annual Flower Dance…."

She waited for him to continue.

"It's, like, a totally lame thing that the mayor loves to throw for the town. It's supposed to commemorate the end of spring or something."

She felt like a tease for letting him continue, but she wasn't sure if it would be worse to cut him off.

"Sam and I were gonna go. Probably Abby, too. We're wondering if you would like to join us?" He stopped playing with his hair as he turned up to look at her.

Phew. She thought she was going to have to let him down. Even though she was only going with Leah as a friend, she wouldn't want to have to stand her up or break Sebastian's heart. She wasn't sure if she was there with him. I mean, she would like to be there with him, but he was reserved, and seemed to move very slowly with his feelings. She had just moved into this town and was previously engaged…. She didn't think of him as a rebound in any sense of the term, but she still needed time to process her feelings, figure out how she felt for him. She felt drawn to him but didn't want to bring with her the sorrow she was still holding on to. She needed to give herself the time to heal before committing, no matter how gorgeous she thought he was.

"Hello?" She was standing there in silence for a moment, her mind flooded with thoughts of how she felt, not realizing that he had finished speaking. Sebastian got extremely embarrassed, thinking he might have made a mistake when he extended those words of invitation, unsure of what Celeste was thinking and what she was going to say next. "It would be a friend thing, but like, no pressure. I just thought it would be cool to go as a group, that's all," he said in an effort to recover.

Celeste, realizing that his proposal wasn't romantic after all, sighed as she said, "I'm sorry, Sebastian. I was already going with Leah. But I can meet with you all there, right?"

Cheeks quickly reddening, Sebastian looked away again. He stuck his hands in his jacket pocket.

"Yeah, I'll just see you there." He turned around and headed back inside.

When he got to the cool, dark basement where Sam sat on his bed eagerly waiting, he brushed his hand in the air to "brush off" the conversation, suggesting his failure. Sam's usually unfaltering smile slowly faded.

The next morning, Celeste was up early. She grabbed her basket and went to her garden, excited to pick the strawberries she had long been waiting for. She had gotten several small plants from Pierre's a couple weeks back and was making sure to spend every morning giving them extra attention and care, speaking kind words of gratitude to them. Strawberries always made her feel at home; it was her mother's favorite fruit and she always made wonderful strawberry pie and strawberry jam in the springtime, so Celeste was so excited to grow her own for the first time.

She missed her mother, and the way she'd light up with joy when the first berries of the season would start to redden.

Excited to get a taste, Celeste pulled one from the plant in the ground and plopped one in her mouth, stem and all. Her senses were overwhelmed with the sweet and juicy joy of a homegrown fruit.

Plop! Another one went in her mouth.

And another.

And another.

How can something so delicious exist in such a pure form as this? She excitedly pulled the rest of the berries off the plants and put them in her basket to take inside before tending the rest of her crops.

It was mid-morning and she was planning to stop by Marnie's to learn some more about chickens and see if any had hatched yet. She rinsed off her strawberries and put some in a bowl to save for herself for later. The rest was a gift.

She then hopped into the shower, washing off all the dirt from a rummage on the farm. As the dirt and suds quickly went down the drain, her hair clean and rinsed, she leaped out of the shower and quickly towel-dried her hair before putting it in a messy bun.

She put on her favorite pair of jeans and a plain black top, threw on some mascara and tinted lip balm, and before heading out the door, grabbed the basket of strawberries. As she walked to Marnie's ranch, she skipped as she heard the sounds of birds singing.

When she got to the ranch just south of her grandfather's farmland, she saw her tending to her cows outside.

"Hey Marnie!"

"Miss Celeste, how are you?"

"Great! I brought these strawberries for Shane, as a belated birthday gift. Is he around?" She motioned the basket forwards as if trying to get Marnie to look inside approvingly.

"He should be inside. Go on in, I'll follow you."

Celeste creaked the door open and headed to the kitchen, expecting to find Shane heating up a frozen pizza, or something.

When she saw he wasn't there, she made her way to the chicken coop, pushing the door slightly to peek inside while calling out for him. "Shane?" That's…..weird. He wasn't in there.

Her next logical approach was to go knock on his slightly ajar door, and when he didn't verbally respond, she slowly pushed it open to see him on the ground, beer cans surrounding him.

Good yoba, Shane. It's ten in the fucking morning….

He wasn't responsive, and she grew apprehensive. Marnie walked into his room and began to panic, wondering if this was just another one of his depressive episodes. Celeste ran into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, splashing it onto his face.

In a chocking cough, he was whipped back to consciousness, moaning and rubbing his head. "Fuck…," he groaned, straining his eyes in the brightness of his room.

He slowly stood up to look at the figures standing above him. Blurry at first, he noticed Marnie and then Celeste, standing right above him. Marnie was furious, her arms crossed across her chest.

"SHANE. What is wrong with you?! All you do is mope around and drink yourself sick!" Shane looked away in disgust, scowling in shame.

"You wouldn't understand," he said with a snarl in his voice.

"What's your plan? You don't ever think of the future?," her tone raising and getting angrier as she continued. She was growing tired of this never-ending cycle of his bad habits.

"Plan?" His voice was also louder this time as he looked up at Marnie, briefly making eye contact with her stern, brown eyes, before looking away forcefully. "Hopefully I won't be around long enough to need a 'plan'…."

Jasmine heard the sounds of what appeared to be almost yelling from her room. She had been walking in right as he said this, hearing the hopeless tone in his voice. She was young, but she understood what he meant, and the perpetual rollercoaster of Shane's emotions was not a secret in this household.

With anguish, Jasmine ran out of Shane's room, as fast as her little legs can take her, sobbing violently on her way out. Marnie glared at Shane, before sighing and running after Jasmine.

"Jas…." He dropped to his knees and began sobbing. "I'm sorry," his voice cracked.

Celeste waited at the kitchen table, hoping Shane would find the strength to go easy on himself. She heard him pacing away in his room and she knew it was from the guilt he carried from worrying Jasmine.

After about 2 hours, he surfaced from his bedroom, feeling a kind of pain that only a microwave pizza can satiate.

"Shane, I-"

"Don't.

Celeste looked down at her hands on the table, feeling a pang of guilt in her chest. She sighed and fiddled with her thumbs.

The sound of the microwave went off, briefly breaking the awkward silence for a moment. Shane licked his lips as he opened the microwave door, grabbing the hot pizza with his bare fingers before quickly setting it on a plate and licking his fingers to cool them down.

He put the plate on the table and sat across from where Celeste was sitting, ignoring her the entire time.

"I guess I'll get going now, Shane. I'll see you tomorrow?" He didn't look up as she stood, fixing his gaze on the pizza he was about to consume.

She pursed her lips and slowly walked to the door, hoping Shane would call out to her. But he didn't.

And she left.

And the guilt and worry consumed her.