Avengers Compound
The Night
[2017]
~Tony~
I can't stop thinking about the kid. What he did was wrong, yes of course because Peter disobayed a direct order and almost killed a hundred people AND himself in the process. Maybe I was too harsh on him though, I won't keep the suit forever but he needs to learn and maybe I'll mentor him, take him under my wing and make him my protege. I wasn't kidding when i said i wanted to be break the cycle Howard had started and maybe the kid is my chance, Pep has never expressed any want for a kid (at least not one with me) and I don't know if I'll ever be ready for any of that not the pregnancy not the crying, screaming and diapers. At least with Peter that part is over and maybe just needs a supporting male figure to guide him to adulthood.
Jeez. Where the hell did that come from? Maybe I'm slightly more attached to the kid than I thought.
"Hey, Boss?" FRIDAY's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Yeah Fri?"
"You have an incoming call from Mr. Hogan sir" Why would Happy need to talk to me, moving day was a fairly simple task so if something went wrong it most likely wasn't Hap's fault.
"Put it through Fri" I wait a second before hearing the click signaling I've been connected.
"Happy, how's moving day going bud?" There is almost no time passed before Happy responded.
"Boss you've got to get down to Coney Island" I didn't overly pay attention to the tone of Happy's voice before spitting out a sarcastic reply.
"Awww Hap you wanna go to an amusement park with me, I can't right now though I'm busy maybe later plus aren't you supposed to be heading moving day right now?
"No, not later now" again I ignore the obvious fear and worry in the other man's voice as well as what he said before cutting him off.
"Look Hap i'm kind of busy right now anyways, you know with super important work and there is just so so much of it you know" I look at the iron-spider holo-prints in front of me as I talk over Happy mentally sighing at myself again for everything that went on between me and the ki-
"BOSS IT'S THE KID!" Happy's words cut through my thoughts like a knife and I immediately shoot out of my seat "Just get here fast, please hurry" and the call cuts off as a suit forms around me and I shoot off into the night.
"FRIDAY give me Peter Parker's vitals now" My voice is sharp and filled with concern and urgency.
"I am unable to see Mr. Parker's vitals at this time as you have confiscated his suit"
"FUCK" I am such a fucking idiot!
I start flying faster but the second I can see Coney Island my mind shuts down for a second before quickly rebooting the second I see the kid on the ground.
/\\Later that Night/\\
Storming out of the hospital I get into my suit and fly away ignoring the voices behind me.
"FRIDAY block all calls, I don't give a shit how urgent they are"
"Yes boss"
Instead of going to the compound or tower I keep going towards the home I grew up in, a place I haven't visited since I moved to Malibu. I land harshly and get out of my suit as fast as possible, tripping over my feet as I enter the large building, I can't breath.
"FUUUCCCKKK!" I scream and grab a lamp of a side table and smash it into a wall then grab a bookshelf and slam it onto the ground, books fall everywhere and the glass and porcelain stored on the shelf shatter into millions of pieces. Looking around at the damage I've caused I try to scream but it comes out as a choked sob and I collapse to my knees sobbing into my palms. When I get up again I find myself at Howard's liquor stash grabbing the strongest whiskey in the cabinet then storming off to the master bedroom to drink myself to death (hopefully).
"M-'m tired…. M' sr st- st' rk a-an s-scared" The boy lets out a choked off sob before his terrified face quickly turns into a furious one.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME MR. STARK!" Peter grabs my shoulders and pulls me closer as blood pours out of his mouth.
"T-this is y-your fault you t-took the suit and now I'm dead AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Kid please I'm sorry this wasn't supposed to happen" My voice sounds small and scared.
"NO I TRIED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE VULTURE BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN YOU NEVER LISTEN! I HATE YOU IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT I'M DEAD AND IT'S YOUR FAULT I HATE YOU!"
waking with a jolt, I look around at the bottles that surrounded me on the floor and gasped in pain as the hangover hit me all at once.
"Fuck" I mumble as I get up and stumble towards the nearest bathroom, tripping over several bottles along the way. When I reach the bathroom I drop to my knees in front of the toilet and hurl my guts out "ugh, why did I do this… oh" The realization hit harder that the hangover and with it came the overwhelming urge to drink my body weight all over again, because fuck the concequences, I screwed everything up already anyways.
Getting up and walking back over to the remaining full bottles, I admit defeat because six years of sobriety meant nothing anymore, I destroyed the most kind and innocent thing in my life.
St. Mary Cemetery
A Week After The Night
[2017]
~Tony~
I stand outside in the pouring rain, because it had to rain today how fucking fitting right, Pepper has her arm laced between mine and my waist as I watch the kid's body lowered into the ground. There aren't many people here, I don't really know what I expected though, on the other side of me Happy stands with a mostly emotionless frown but holds more sorrow than his usual expression, a small group of children and May, who stands alone closest to the open grave, tears streaming down her face but a terrifying almost emotionless expression on her face watching her nephew lowered into a grave next to her husband's and her brother and sister in-law's, because Peter was it for her, all she had left and fuck if that didn't make him feel worse because he didn't deserve to be here mourning someone dead because of HIM.
When someone starts to fill the grave I pull my arm away from Pepper's and turn to walk away, only getting a couple feet before someone grabs my shoulder and yanks me around, May, she stares at me for a moment before smacking me across the face.
"I'm sorry…" I whisper just loud enough for her to hear, and she storms off in tears. I can feel people staring at me but just bite my lip, turn and continue to walk away just in time to see someone flash a camera, great now Peter's death will be all over the news just because I'm here. When I get into the car I vaguely hear Pepper and Happy get in afterwards.
"Just to the house Hap… please" I turn towards the window and block out everything either of them say until the car stops in front of the mansion I've been staying with since… the night. I unbuckle my seatbelt and notice Pep reaching to do the same but I place my hand on her arm, looking her in the eyes for the first time in a week "go home Pep, just. Please" I whisper and don't notice her sagging in defeat as I get out of the car and walk back to the empty house.
Press Conference
Four Weeks After The Night
[2017]
~Tony~
Before stepping up to the podium, I take a deep breath and put on the fakest press smile I can manage.
"Alright, I'm going to get straight into this so that I'm not wasting anyone's time. Many people noticed that Ironman and myself have been missing from the public in the last few weeks and as happy as it would make some people I am not here to explain why or that I'm coming back" I take a moment to collect myself so I don't shatter in front of the press "As of today I am publicly announcing my leave of absence as both myself and Ironman. Thank you and goodbye" I turn and walk away as the crowd of press people go insane, brushing past Pepper as she tries to stop and talk to me but I ignore her the same as I've done since the funeral and get into my car and speed home.
"MR. STARK!" the kid's voice echoes from somewhere but I can't see him
"KID?"
"MR. STARK HELP ME PLEASE!" he sounds pained
"KID WHERE ARE YOU" I scream but this time nobody replies and all I hear is a pained scream before a small voice whispers in my ear
"Why did you kill me Mr. Stark, why did you just sit and watch me die, you did this YOU KILLED ME"
"KID!" I reach out, but I look around but I'm in my room again and he's still gone.
Stark Mansion
Two Months After The Night
[2017]
~Tony~
"You can't keep living like this Tony!" Pepper yells, starting to sound exhausted
"watch me" I mumble back and she scoffs
"Tony I get it, I do, Peter meant a lot to you. But you can't stop your life because of what happened to him" that's it, nobody gets to tell him how HE felt about Peter not even Pepper.
"Get out Pepper" I say firmly and point towards the door as I stare at my feet.
"If I leave right now Tony, I'm not coming back, I won't watch you kill yourself, If I leave we're over. Do you even hear me Tony?"
"Then I guess we're over" I turn away and walk back to my bedroom, not making it in time to miss the sound of the door slam as Pepper leaves, for the last time.
Before completely passing out I ask FRIDAY to post a tweet detailing mine and Pepper's separation with as little details as possible then to block all incoming calls.
"Mr. Stark… I'm scared, I- I don't wanna die, please don't let me die"
"I wanna go home Mr. Stark, please, let me go home"
"Why, why are you doing this?"
"Why did you kill me"
"WHY DID YOU KILL ME IT SHOULD BE YOU! YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! I BLAME YOU!"
I jump up screaming and rip the covers off, walking down the hall back to the liquor cabinet, ignoring the tears falling down my face.
Stark Mansion
Three and a Half Months After The Night
[2017]
~Tony~
"Look man, I don't know what the fuck is going on with you because first you break up with Pepper and now you aren't going out as Ironman for missions or on your own, I'm not even fucking touching the fact that you've broken what six years of sobriety" Rhodey sighs and rubs a hand down his face "you need to get your shit together man"
"Fuck off Rhodey, I don't care why you came here just leave, I don't need this right now" I say and begin to turn around but Rhodes catches my arm.
"This is what I'm talking about Tones, you need help, let someone help you"
"GET THE FUCK OUT JAMES, LEAVE! NOW" I scream, pointing at the exit and Rhodey looks helpless
"Just think about it man" he places something on the table before turning and walking out, I walk over to the table to see what he left and scoff, a therapist of fucking course, I turn and walk away leaving the card un-touched.
Avengers Compound
A Year After The Night
[2018]
~Tony~
Thanos came… we lost.
I left my house to fight for the first time in a fucking year and it all goes to shit, half the world is dead and so is Peter, he would've wanted to join the fight and I probably would have tried to stop him until he either tricked me or convinced me. But he didn't because he is still dead and now so is half the universe.
"STARK!" I look up and see the rest of the avengers staring at me.
"What?" I ask, now just tired of this, of everything.
"We need a plan, to fix this, to bring everyone back" Rogers shoots back sounding almost desperate, hah fuck him I'm done.
"Sure" I stand up and walk towards them and their eyes seem to light up "you do that, I'm leaving" I walk right past the group.
"Stark what the hell are you doing?" I turn to Romanoff
"I said I'm leaving because I'm done, I am so fucking done with this bullshit job, I was done with it a year ago but I came back and it went to shit, so I'm leaving because I quit" I almost yell, and it silences everyone so I turn and leave.
Instead of going home just yet, I stop at my old lab.
"Hey Fri?" I ask softly.
"Yes Boss" FRIDAY replies immediately
"Play Pete's Germany vlog will ya?"
"Are you sure boss?" FRIDAY asks concerned
"JUST FUCKING DO IT!" I yell, running out of patience and miss the sound of doors opening as FRIDAY starts the video.
a Film by Peter Parker
"New York. Queens. It's a rough borough, but hey, it's home." Peter says in a gravelly voice.
I smile at the fake voice Peter uses to narrate
"Who are you talking to?" Happy questions from the front seat
"No one. Just making a little video of the trip." Peter answers in his normal voice.
"You know you can't show it to anyone." Happy says, sounding annoyed.
"Yeah, I know."
"Then why are you narrating in that voice?"
"Uh... Because it's fun."
"Fun."
"So, uh, why do they call you Happy?" Pete asks curiously.
Happy ignores him and rolls up the partition which reflects Peter filming.
"Fri can you skip the end, in the car?" I ask.
Friday doesn't answer and just skips to the end of the video and Tony remains oblivious to the presence behind him.
"What are you doing, a little video diary?" video Tony asks lightheartedly.
I cringe at how much happier and healthier past me looks, even with a black eye.
"Yeah." Peter responds sounding slightly embarrassed.
"It's all right. I'd probably do the same" video Tony says back
"I told him not to do it. He was filming everything" Happy cuts in from the front seat
"It's okay"
"I'm gonna wipe the chip"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what? We should actually... We should make an alibi video for your aunt anyway. You ready?" video Tony says, stopping Happy's rant
"Yeah, hold on" Peter says from behind the camera
"We rolling?"
"An alibi? Sure"
"Get in the frame"
"Okay" The camera shuffles and now Peter is in the frame smiling.
"Hey, May. How you doing? What are you wearing? Something skimpy, I hope" video Tony jokes and Peter looks uncomfortable.
I sigh and run my hand through my hair, god I never shut up do I.
"Peter, that's inappropriate. All right, let's start over. You can edit it"
"Mm-hmm" Peter is already smiling again.
As I watch I can feel my eyes start to well up again.
"Three, two, one. Hey, May. My gosh, uh, I wanted to tell you what an incredible job your nephew did this weekend at the Stark internship retreat. Everyone was impres-"
"Fri stop the video" I say, voice straining as I try not to break down.
I stand and turn to the door and see all the avengers standing there.
"God you guys have zero sense of privacy don't you" I scoff.
"Tony c'mon we can still save him, that's why you're upset right, we still have a chance to bring him and everyone else back" Rogers says trying to sound sympathetic.
"NO ROGERS!" the man flinches slightly at my tone, good "we can't fucking save him" I scrub my cheek, trying to prevent the tears from falling.
"Well not if we don't try" he says, still trying to push
"What don't you fucking get?" I question angrily "Peter won't come back, that video" I turn to point where Pete's face is still paused on the screen "was taken last year, days after germany and two months before he died, so even if you do come up with some stupid ass plan to bring everyone back and it works, PETER WILL STILL BE GONE!" a tear escapes and runs down my cheek "I'm going home, don't try and contact me, I'm done and Iron-man is over" I push past the group and walk out of the compound.
"Mr. Stark?"
" !"
"HELP ME!"
"PLEASE!" his voice sounds small and terrified
"KID?" I scream
I wake up on the floor of my living room with an empty bottle in hand, standing up I walk over to the table and slam the bottle down and look at the untouched business card Rhodey left but just turn and walk away.
The Lake House
Four Years After The Night
[2021]
~Tony~
They brought everyone back, they had tried asking me for help but I didn't answer the door, I mean I don't live at the mansion anymore anyways and they don't know where I live now but FRIDAY is still installed and filmed them yelling through the door, it was kind of funny.
A year into the 'blip' as they are calling it now, I moved to the lake house so I could be alone or more so than I already was, but I have an alpaca now so maybe I'm less alone, Gerald is good company.
I kept the business card and it sits on my nightstand, I haven't called them and I'm not sure I will but I just can't throw it out for some reason.
About a year ago May died, it was a car accident on the way home from work and with her she took the last of the Parker bloodline, and I'm not sure if it was out of spite but I was left every single one of Peter's belongings because she had left his room how it was left, and I rebuilt that room in the lake house and someone may call it unhealthy but I think it's cathartic. Sometimes I just stand in the doorway, a few times I walked in, once I fell asleep in the bed after crying for three hours straight, not my proudest moment but most days the door stays shut and locked.
My nightmares are less frequent and almost never about New York, Afghanistan or Thanos and if they are Peter is somehow in them and dying, replacing Yinsen, falling from the wormhole as I try and fail to catch him, or turning to dust in my arms but mostly they are that night or just him screaming and I can't find him.
I can't fucking do this anymore, no I won't ever go back to being Iron-man even though I keep the nano suit on just in case but maybe I should try because I can't deal with the nightmares, watching and listening to Peter dying every single night.
I slowly walk to my nightstand and pick up the card.
"FRIDAY?"
"Yes, boss?" FRIDAY asks quietly
"Can you call the number on the card please and set an appointment"
"Of course boss" her voice sounds happier.