Jamie came back the next day as promised and noticed my melancholy mood at once. "Sassenach? Are ye well?"
"I'm fine Jamie. It doesn't matter." He stepped towards me.
"If it's makin' ye upset, it matters."
"I asked you to help make a bedroom for Fergus. But what if he doesn't want to stay?" My eyes became blurry with tears that refused to fall.
"Dinna fash Sassenach, we can clear this up right now."
Jamie stepped further into my store and called up for Fergus to come say hello. Fergus appeared, ecstatic to see Jamie. "Bonjour milord." He smiled brightly.
"Bonjour Fergus." Jamie said. "Go on Sassenach." He turned to me.
"Fergus…" I took a deep breath.
"Oui milady?"
"I wanted to know whether you'd like to live with me here… for good I mean. For this to be your home."
"For good? Une maison permanente?" (A permanent home?)
"Yes. But before you answer," My nerves started up again. "I need to tell you something." Fergus looked up at me with blind trust in his eyes. It was that faith in me that made my tears fall. "People sometimes call me La Dame Blanche. But I'm not a witch, I just know a lot of ways to make people get better and sometimes other people don't know those ways and they think it's magic. But it's not. I promise."
"Milady," Fergus took a step closer and waved me to crouch. I complied. "don't cry," He wiped the tears from my face. "I know you are La Dame Blanche." Fergus wrapped his small arms around me in a hug and whispered in my ear. "I would very much like to live here milady."
I tried so hard not to start crying again. I took a breath and stood up. "Let's clear you a room then mon protecteur."
I didn't notice it before, but Murtagh was loitering outside the shop. "I told him we wouldn't be moving everything in today, but he said he wanted to lend a hand." Jamie said, nodding to his godfather.
"Oh, that's perfect. Do you mind if I leave Fergus with you both for a short while? I was invited to a king's ball and I need to buy a gown. I don't feel so bad leaving if you've got someone else to help."
"Of course Sassenach, we'd be happy tae watch the boy fer ye."
I showed both men the small library and we decided to move the books throughout the rest of the house; the few novels to my bedroom and the other books on herbs and archaic medicines I had accumulated into a nook in the back of the shop.
Murtagh decided he could repurpose the wood of the bookshelves into a bed frame. It was then I decided to leave.
"I must be going. I'll be as quick as I can." I told everyone.
"Take yer time lass." Murtagh said.
"Aye, it wouldn't be fit to wear anything that dinna properly suit yer form." Jamie said, turning a little red. I couldn't tell if it was a complement, but Murtagh's face declared it so.
I took all the money I had stashed away over the year since I'd spent my rainy day fund on this house, and cursed the King of France for inviting me to this ball and forcing me to buy a grand gown.
The actual dress-buying wasn't so bad. I'd never been one for shopping even back in the 1930s, but this felt different. I was in Paris. I was in 1738. And I was going to meet King Louis XV.
I'd met a woman in the second store I'd visited called Louise de la Tour, the wife of the Prince of Guéméné. I wasn't sure where exactly that was. She'd overheard I was going to the ball, and one of the men calling me 'La Dame Blanche' and took an instant liking to me.
"Come on Claire, there's a better boutique not too far from here. I'll help you find a dress pour le roi." (for the King) "He'll be a fool not to notice you." We didn't stop walking through her speech.
"I'm not sure I want to be noticed Louise." She'd insisted I call her Louise or Princess. I'm not entirely sure the latter was a joke.
"Why not? You're not a girl Claire. You can't leave marriage too much longer. I got married at sixteen."
"I'm not sure I want to marry for anything but love."
"You're naïve. And a romantic. I like that about you Claire. But if King Louis wants you, you would be smart to lie there and take it."
"Excuse me!" We were almost at the next dress shop.
"He either invited you for your magic or for sex. You should know to let him have you anyway he wants until he gets bored."
"Is that what he does? Takes whatever woman he fancies and sets her aside when he grows tired of her?"
"Oui Claire. He's the king." Louise pushed open the door and that was the end of that conversation. "Bonjour, we're looking for a dress for my friend to wear to the king's ball."
They had almost twenty dresses pre-made and ready for altering, far more than the last two shops. And I felt my eyes drawn to the sharp red colour of a dress in the centre of the room. It was beautiful. Exquisite. The fine stitching and the expensive material. But I couldn't help the blush that appeared on my cheeks as my eyes reached the bust. It was low cut and the two sides were separated, pushing outwards. It was designed to marvel and shock. "C'est parfait." Louise watched me look at the dress.
"I can't." I said. "It's indecent."
"You can and you will. My treat."
"I can't let you do that either. We barely know each other."
"And yet I feel like we're already friends. Let me buy this for you and then we shall go. I'm getting tired."
"Thank you Louise."
I was fitted for the dress, only a few alterations were needed, Louise paid and then we were leaving. "Come find me at the ball Claire." She smiled and then walked away from me. I headed in the opposite direction towards my home.
There was hammering when I got back. I quickly discovered it to be Murtagh making the bed frame by himself while Jamie was teaching Fergus how to play cards.
"Good afternoon?" Fergus asked when he saw me.
"Yes. I made a friend and I got a dress." I smiled widely.
"A verra good afternoon then." Jamie turned to look at me.
"Jamie?"
"Aye Sassenach?"
"I hate to do this again, but would you be free to watch Fergus the day after tomorrow? When I'm at the ball?"
"Aye Sassenach." He bowed his head and went to talk to Murtagh.
Before I knew it, it was the day of the ball. I was still dreaming of Jamie every night. I hadn't made my mind up whether I wanted the dreams to stop or not. They were silly fantasies, but I found myself with a deeper connection to Jamie the longer they went on.
Right now he was telling Fergus a story about clan wars and love back in Scotland while I was getting ready to go to Versailles. The red dress was fairly easy to get into for a French gown. I pulled my hair off the back of my neck, lined my eyes with kohl and rouged my lips.
"Sassenach, your carriage is here." I heard Jamie call.
"I'll be right there." I said, steadying my nerves. I slipped into my red heels I had bought to match the dress and then I joined my boys in the parlour. "So… what do you think?" I asked. Both Jamie and Fergus didn't say anything for a time and I started to doubt myself. "I look like a right idiot then. I can't go. I have nothing else to wear."
"You look stunning mo chridh. But I wouldna fancy the King's restraint in yer presence. Perhaps it's better if you don't go."
"You are beautiful milady. Hurry now, before milord tries to steal you for himself." Fergus hurried me out of the door to the carriage I'd hired for the night.
I left armed with only my invitation and the fear that my reputation came with.
I can't remember when the last time I heard music was. It definitely wasn't in the last three years, so it must've been in the 20th century. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The music was pouring out of the palace at Versailles when I arrived. The footman helped me out of the carriage and I joined the flow of well-dressed aristocrats through inside the palace.
It was incredible. Like I had travelled through time again. The palace was so different from where I lived in Paris.
The gold glistened and the chandeliers grew more grandiose the closer to the music I got. I looked around in wonder and then guilt sliced through my heart. The money in this palace could feed the entirety of France for months.
I quickly became disgusted at the procession of wealth I was partaking in, however unwillingly. Lives could be saved, starving people fed, illnesses cured, with money like this. But instead, people were overindulging on ridiculous food and incredible gowns. It made my stomach turn.
I was approached almost instantly by a man in a long, curled wig. I bowed my head to him as he kissed the back of my hand. "Enchanted." He said, startling me with his English accent. "I thought to myself, over there, that I just had to make the acquaintance of the most beautiful woman at the ball."
"Good evening sir, my name is Claire Beauchamp."
"An Englishwoman, how magnificent. A pleasure Mistress Beauchamp. I am the Duke of Sandringham." I smiled at him.
I knew a fair amount about British history, but I was lacking when it came to specifics past who the Duke was. I often found myself wishing I'd been more interested in 18th century politics, now more than ever.
The Duke was obviously avoiding staring at my breasts. I would've been grateful if he didn't give me an uncomfortable feeling. I watched him with curiosity. "I don't believe I've ever seen you at a ball before Mistress Beauchamp."
"That's because I've never been to one before. I'm not even sure why I was invited in the first place."
"Nonsense my dear, you are the image of godliness. I can't see a reason at all you shouldn't be here."
"You're very kind sir." I shifted feeling uneasy.
"And you're very beautiful." I noticed the pink tinge to his cheeks and realised the Duke may have had more to drink than I first thought.
"If you'll excuse me, I must find my friend. She said it was imperative she show me around."
"Of course my dear. Don't leave without saying goodbye."
I bowed my head and then left as calmly as I could, trying not to notice the number of men who were staring at me as I did.
I hurried to find Louise but instead found myself getting lost and ending up in an empty parlour. Clearly this part of the palace was not intended on being used tonight, but I needed a breather.
I took a seat on one of the loveseats in the room and tried to even my breathing to the rhythm of the faint orchestra. I heard a cough from behind me and turned quickly.
"I'm sorry. I just needed a moment." There was a man in a wig wearing the most detailed stitching on his waistcoat I had ever seen.
"Of course, if a Lady cannot take a moment, then the moment might swallow her whole." He said with a very handsome French accent.
"How astute sir." I stood awkwardly.
"Do not get up on my account La Dame Blanche, I wouldn't want you to be swallowed whole. You are far too delicate for that." I sat back down and stared up at the man as he moved to sit opposite me.
"How do you know who I am?"
"Because I invited you mademoiselle."
"Oh… you're King Louis. I beg your forgiveness my liege."
"Nothing to forgive. Although I do wonder what has rattled the bird's cage."
"Excuse me, I don't understand."
"I merely mean to ask why your feathers are ruffled, oiseau." (bird)
"Oh, um, I met the Duke of Sandringham and… well, not to speak ill of the man, he just made me feel uncomfortable."
"But of course, the Duke sees beauty where beauty lies, does he not?"
"I suppose he does, my king. I wanted to thank you for your gracious invitation."
"I was only being selfish mademoiselle, as I am now."
"How so?"
"I wanted to meet the witch."
"I am very sorry to disappoint you, my king, but I am not a real witch."
"Are you calling me a liar?" His voice shot through me in its volume and its intensity.
"No my king, just misunderstood."
"Ah, you are afraid of being executed. You have a royal pardon mademoiselle. C'est why you are here. I seek to employ your abilities and as long as you do not harm anyone, you are pardoned for all and future uses of your magic."
"That's very kind, but I don't have magic. I have herbs."
"Of course, how you do it is your business. This has been lovely, but I must return to my ball. I will call on you when your services are required and you will be paid beyond your wildest imaginings. Mademoiselle." King Louis kissed my hand and took his leave.
As I sat on the loveseat, I couldn't help but think I had unwittingly become the king's whore. He wanted me for my 'magic', but Louise was right. I saw it in his eyes, the eyes that didn't stray too far from my exposed bust. You can't refuse a king.
I made up my mind quickly, I would find Louise and then I would go home to the only two people I actually wanted to spend tonight with.
Louise wasn't all that difficult to find in the end. She was talking to a group of women around our age. "Bonjour." I said as I came up behind her.
"Claire!" She listed off vaguely French sounding names as she introduced me to everyone. "Where have you been?" She turned back to me.
"I was making the king's acquaintance."
"Ahh…" She nodded knowingly. I didn't bother to correct her.
"This is great, but I'm tired and not sure whether any man here is worth my time."
"Always leave them wanting more Claire." Louise smiled. "Maybe you'll come to tea next week at my house."
"Of course, I would love that. Thank you Louise." I nodded my head to the group of women and headed for the exit.
"Mistress Beauchamp." The Duke called to me. I stopped and turned to him.
"Yes sir?"
"The king has requested a private audience with you." He had a weird look on his face that told me to run the other way.
"I just left the king, sir." The Duke stepped closer to me.
"Perhaps he forgot something. I'll take you to him." The Duke gripped my elbow and encouraged me to follow him. I couldn't make a scene. The king wouldn't maintain his good faith in my if I wrecked his ball. So I quietly allowed the Duke to lead me through the palace.
When we left the sections dedicated to the ball, with people everywhere, the Duke's grip on me tightened. He brought me to an empty guest bedroom and my stomach dropped. He was too strong and I had no knowledge of the palace's layout. I would get lost before I escaped. "You never came to say goodbye Mistress Beauchamp."
"I'm sorry. I forgot."
"You forgot me?" He seemed genuinely hurt. "I could never forget you."
"I'm sorry. My conversation with the king left me with a lot to consider and I just wanted to evaluate my options. I didn't mean to forget you." I tried to use logic to get out of the situation.
"Right, of course, the king. I didn't hurt you, did I Claire?" I couldn't move as he examined the arm he had been holding. There weren't any bruises. "I don't feel like myself when I'm around you Claire. There's something…" He laughed. "bewitching about you. Is that it? Have you bewitched me Claire?"
All I could do was watch as he untied the laces on his britches and pushed the material down. I wanted to scream. I could feel the blood in my veins heating up. And then he was bare. I'd only ever seen one naked man before, but the Duke was something else entirely.
The Duke was eyeing me hungrily. He reached out and pulled my breasts free. "You're very warm my love. We should get this dress off of you." He walked behind me and unlaced me, letting the gown fall to the floor.
"S…sir, this isn't proper.""
"Nonsense."
"Sir! I cannot."
This time, when his greasy hand latched onto my breast, he hissed and pulled away, cradling his palm to his chest. "You burnt me!"
"What?" I felt like I could move again and used my arms to preserve my modesty.
"I said, you burnt me. Witch!" He yelled loudly.
"If you could kindly keep your voice down Duke."
"She's a witch!" He yelled louder this time.
I slapped a hand over his mouth and heard sizzling. He screamed in pain and then his body went limp, dropping to the floor with a thud. I noticed his face and palm where he touched my skin were badly burnt and likely to scar.
I didn't dwell on it though, and redressed myself before finding my way out of the palace and into the night. I couldn't let myself panic yet. So I waited until I got home.
I stumbled out of the carriage and hurried up to my house. I was hyperventilating. "Sassenach? Are ye okay?" Jamie asked. I couldn't speak. "Fergus, go to bed, yer bed." Fergus disappeared into the library and Jamie looked at me. "Follow my breaths." He breathed loudly with a consistent rhythm. I matched my breathing to his and was eventually calm enough that I could speak. "What happened tonight Sassenach?"
"I can't." He reached out to touch me and I flinched away.
"Was it King Louis? Did he…?" Jamie seemed to be only keeping his anger together for my sake.
"No. Not Louis."
"Claire," He looked at me heartbroken.
"Don't call me that. I can't." I could hear the Duke calling me that and it made my skin crawl.
"Sassenach, did a man take ye against yer will?"
"No, almost I think." I was dazed, in shock.
"What d'ye mean almost?"
"I stopped it, stopped him. Jamie?" I hated how small and vulnerable my voice sounded.
"Aye?"
"Something happened, I… I burnt him."
"Wi' what?"
"My skin. I got really hot and then when he touched me, it burnt him."
"Like magic? I thought ye told me ye dinna have magic."
"I don't. I don't know what that was. I've never done anything like that before."
"Ye should get some rest." Jamie stepped back.
"Jamie, please."
"What?"
"Don't go." I was on the verge of tears.
"Aye Sassenach, I willna go if ye don't want me tae. But ye should get in tae bed."
"Okay." I followed Jamie into my bedroom, exhausted from the day.
"I'll leave ye tae get undressed." He closed the door between us. I heard him pacing, the floorboards creaking.
I undressed and pulled on my shift as quickly as I could, trying to erase the Duke's touch from my skin. I also pulled the blanket off my bed and around my shoulders. I opened the door and Jamie stopped pacing.
"Christ, yer as white as yer shift." He stepped towards me.
"Tell me something good." My voice was shaky.
"Something good? Lallybroch."
I sat down on my bed and patted it next to me. "Are ye sure?"
"Yes. All I wanted was to get back to you and Fergus." Jamie sat stiff on the bed. "So, Lallybroch?"
"Right. I grew up there. It wasna perfect, but it was damn close. There were always people around; family, friends. Always someone there. And it was verra bonny." I settled down and found Jamie's hand. I squeezed it and didn't let go. Neither did he.
He talked about Lallybroch and his family and Scotland. He made me nostalgic for a home that I had never seen before. And soon I was asleep.