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FranArian
Whoa...back up...
Gwen took a head shot and ended up as Beepa Chow in a back alley... So how is she in the Hub again? And why hasn't anyone noticed? So NOT good.
I think the boys need a holiday in a nice B&B in Abergavenny (should make Andy's eyes bug, hehehehehe). Good distance away from Cardiff, but not too far in case of emergency.
SOP would be to leave Owen in charge, but I don't guarantee he'll be able to wrangle the Time Lord contingent... Hmmm...
Would be funny if the boys come back from their holiday (oh, gee...did the four days turn into seven...my how time flies...) to find that Alice is telling everyone what to do because she came to ask Jack a question and found utter chaos in the Hub.
Being her father's daughter (with far fewer rash tendencies), I have no doubt she could manage to lead, even if only from the Hub.
And would likely demand they turn a store room into a containment area/playroom for the slimely little buggies Ianto and Jack originally left to escape from (really don't see her putting up with them being under foot and oozing all over the work stations).
Just think if one of the hatchlings managed to get into 12's TARDIS...there'd be hell to pay. *cackle*
The boys deserve some down time...and I'm sure the madness will continue back at the base.
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/Brose1001
Tosh in charge. Her stiletoes are quite handy, after all.
Perhaps a luxury resort that may or may not actually exist in snowdonia?
Or perhaps Iceland, get a cabin thingy, with a private sauna? Lots of neekid times.
And Tosh can keep the guys back home on an even keel with those heels of hers hahaha.
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KatWillow60
What? I thought we got Gwen killed off did I miss something
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AwatereJones
ah... but is that 'Gwen' or one of her offspring thingees? Ianto has baby brain along with everyone else and did not notice. Oh well ... not his monkey ... not his circus right? Him and Jakc off on a lovely little escape... ho long before the others notice the doppelganger in the Hub?
Good spottng there hahahahaahaha
Now you see one of the 'games afoot' ahead LOL
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DeeBeader
1-Jack, you better find a way to get the Tardis to take the two of you FFFFAAAAARRRRR away from the Hub for more than a MONTH! Ianto's RBF is terrifying at least to those who can interpret it properly.
2-Kev, you and Andy need to LEAVE NOW! And take those small, smelly buggies out of the Hub before Myfanwy decides they're snacks for her; if she gets sick, Ianto will be more than seriously, RBF-pissed! Remember, he's a Time Lord; one does not mess with a hormonal Time Lord! Very dangerous business, that.
3-Leave Owen in charge. The havoc he causes with the Doctors, River, Kev and Andy will truly be monumental with Tosh's help.
4-River, you KNOW Ianto being preggers is on a hormonal rampage; you gotta let him be. You and the Doctors need to take a vacation with all due haste.
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KathyC
Okay, how in the ever loving f*ck is there a Gwen, and WHY does Rhys want to bring her ANYTHING?!
Now, Andy, go fine a bomb shelter, or something, quick. Before Ianto comes back to slime all over his hub.
Jack, call Lizzie and see if you can use a palace, or castle for the week, or month even. You know Ianto deserves it.
11, 12 and River, you all need to calm the f*ck down. And possibly go somewhere else for awhile. I'm not saying don't be there for squishy's birth, just maybe get out of Ianto's face while he's pregnant. I'm sure he would regret, in time, killing either one of you.
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Eleana666
This chapter was really cute and funny! For some reason, the funniest part was when Jack jumped and whined at the sound of Ianto's voice! Actually, I think everyone but the core, essential personnel should be told to leave very soon.
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DomIantoRules
So, based on your reply to someone else, "Gwen" is one of those copies grown to human size? Wasn't Rhys there when Gwen was killed? Why doesn't he know that isn't really her?
As for your questions, the honeymoon suite of any five star hotel with a two person Jacuzzi in the suite, and a spa in the hotel with massages and stuff would do. I doubt they plan on going out. Lots of cuddling and pampering is what Ianto needs, and Jack needs to make sure he gets it. Several days not needing to take care of anyone, with attentive hotel staff and loving boyfriend taking care of him, is just what Ianto needs. And it will make sure that, no matter how mad Ianto is when they get back, he won't blame Jack for it.
And Jack should leave Tosh in charge, she is the only one sensible enough that she might be able to keep some semblance of control.
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Jas_The_Marshmellow
River is in charge. Maybe Jack has a secret house.
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Alrighty then…..
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Ianto was in heaven. The bubble bath was perfect and he lay immersed up to his chin as he watched his beloved arsehole fuss around the bathroom with what appeared to be food and drink? Really?
"Look what I found" Jack said with glee as he knelt by the bathtub and placed the large board over it. It was wide and it was covered with food. Ianto mouth exploded with saliva as he looked at the selection of fruits, cheeses and little finger sandwiches Jack must have made himself. Of course he must have, way up here in the snow. No one else up here, right?
It had been a surprise to find Jack not only willing to take a few days off but to fall asleep in the SUV only to wake as they crunched up the gravel driveway to this cute chalet in the maintains was more than worth the many hours of travel.
Yes… Ianto DOES have a TARDIS but this is not about him showing off right? This is about Jack doing some loving things for his baby er… Taddy?
Ianto sat up and watched Jack drop his robe, clambering in the other end of the bath so they faced one another in the hot water, Jack grinning as he glanced out the window. The most amazing thing about this bathroom was that there was an entire wall of glass looking out over the snow. Jack was a dark horse right? Ianto had no idea this place even existed but now knew Jack NEVER brought his lovers up here. Evident in the almost embarrassed way he rushed to hide some things, put some alien looking stuff away and generally look uncomfortable with Ianto touching everything. This was Jack's little time bubble. Things from his very long life were here including some frames photos of not just a baby Alice, but other children that he must have loved, cherished, mourned. It sort of brought home to Ianto how alike they were, their little hidden boxes of woe and reverence. Loss is a terrible thing, the true mark of a good heart is it's ability to open for another go around the mulberry bush, right?
"So … is this grape juice?" Ianto asked picking up a tall wine glass.
"Well… it is non-alcoholic for now but this time next year we can have bubbles that are the real thing" Jack smiled as he pointed and Ianto turned his head to see a mountain goat wandering across the snow covered lawn to nibble on a bush by the veranda.
"Oh Cariad" Ianto sighed happily as he chose a little meat paste sandwich "This is perfect. Is the team OK?"
"Yeah" Jack nodded as he chose a piece of cheese and topped it off with a slice of salami "Apparently Owen wants to shoot Gwen though."
Ianto hummed as he took a sip, then he lowered the glass to stare at Jack.
"Gwen?"
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"Gwen?" Rhys said softly as he watched her walking across the room. "Where did that come from?"
"What Pet?" she swing to face him and canted her head like he was being a daft bugger but he was unable to take his eyes off the strange scar or birthmark or whatever on her stomach. IT was not a belly button … it looked… weird.
"Ahhhhhhh…. Nothing" he said in a small voice as his naked lover frowned, smiled and shook her head then continued to get changed into something for the evening. Rhys picked up the phone and covertly sent a picture to Owen asking for some clarity here.
The phone rang immediately
"Rhys? Ah… what is this you sent me?"
"Just wondering about her tummy… is that right?" Rhys hissed into the phone as Gwen sang in the bathroom.
"Rhys… when did you take this?"
"Just now."
"That's her in the shower or something?"
"Brushing her hair. She always sings when she brushes her hair."
"Mate, um… where did she come from?"
"Dude. I came to work remember? She wanted her jacket, then Ianto and Jack left for some alone time and Gwen said she needed to shop for a dress. We have been shopping all fucking day and now she has that…that… that is not her tummy!"
Silence.
"Owen? What happened to my fiancé?"
"Rhys. Do you remember coming to the Hub because of a little infestation problem?"
"Huh?"
"Fuck. Retcon. Rhys… did you see me at all while you were there? Do you remember where I was?"
"You spent the entire time in the Bay with some weird cats. You never came up we never spoke. Actually, I only spoke with Gwen and I think… I think Toshiko but she was really distracted. Andy was there with some huge fella too … but they never spoke to me."
"OK. OK, this is gonna sound REALLY weird but when Gwen came to see you at work she had a drink for you. Right? What day is it? "
"How the fuck do you know she came to work to see me? Thursday."
"Rhys. The drink was Retcon and you don't remember the entire day before. It's Friday today, not Thursday. Something…ah..bad happened on Thursday and now you've lost it. She has to stop doing that… fuck… you drink it every time…right… that's not Gwen. OK?"
"Bloody Torchwood."
"Rhys. Mate. Gwen died."
"Really? Sounds like she is still dying in there, Christ she never sang this bad before."
"Rhys… that is not Gwen. It's a shapeshifting alien species that ate her and took on her memories and appearance. You need to get out of there…Rhys? Rhys? Ah for fucksake! He hung up!"
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Ianto placed the glass down gently an looked at Jack with an intensity that told him he had made a huge mistake somewhere and he wondered what he might have done now.
Ianto was soooo volatile with this baby hormones racing around.
"Cariad?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you say… Gwen?"
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Owen had raced out of the Hub like a mad motherfucker leaving Kev and Andy to talk. This was nice. Talking. Andy learnt a lot in a short space of time, including the fact he was in a spot of bother that was about to REALLY multiply and if he didn't think fast Ianto was gonna kill him.
The Doctors and their wife were no help, sniggering and telling him extra stuff Kev just nodded to like it was no big deal. Clearly they were pissed that Ianto had forbade them from hunting him and Jack down and they had decided to stay at the Hub to annoy everyone else.
"Wait… how many?"
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"Well … ah fuck!" Jack looked at Ianto with wide eyes then reached over to the seat and hooked the phone over, keying in the number of the one he had left in charge of the circus. He hoped the Big Tent ws not burning to the ground as you might say.
This was definitely one of his moneys.
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"Jack?"
"Tosh. Sweetheart. How's things? Look, good chat. Listen … did I hear that Gwen was at work today? Huh? Gwen? She there?"
"What? Gwen's dead." Tosh looked a the two men creeping past with matching looks of excitement. What were they up to? Their wife was creeping after them with… is that some sort of catcher's mitt? Whatever that weird Timelord Triad were about to do to play... she didn't want to know.
"Riiiiiight. But she was at work today. Me and Ianto passed her on the way out talking to Rhys by her workstation. Tosh… who was at the Hun in Gwen's clothes today my little blossom? Where is she now?"
"Fuck! I am looking at the footage…oh my god it is… look at that. She is walking right by my desk and I never saw…..oh dear. Hang on… those bloody Timelords knew…look at them pointing at her and sniggering like a couple of little boys… right. I will call you back, gotta go talk to some little shits!"
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Rhys opened the apartment door to slap out only to find Owen there, panting heavily for running up the flights of stairs no doubt and he shoved Rhys out of the way, storming into the apartment with glee. Gun at the ready. FINALLY he gets to shoot her!
His phone went.
"Yeah?"
"Owen? Where are you?"
"In Rhys' flat about to shoot the Gwen Thing"
"About that. Listen … I just looked at her work for the day… did you know she actually completed three field reports? Three. When has Gwen ever done three in one day?"
"Wait. What?" Owen stopped walking and leaned against the wall as he listened to Toshiko telling him not only was the information correct and pertinent to each case… they were expertly done.
"Soooooo… she's a keeper?"
"I am telling you, she is better than the original. We need to consider options here."
Owen stood watching as the 'Gwen thing' walked from the bedroom and froze, looking at him with open horror.
"Hi Gwen. Look, I now you are not you and we have had a little talk about his. If you are cool with it…ah… let's have a mulligan for now and reassess at the end of next week if it's working out, yeah?"
She nodded silently with wide eyes, then Owen turned to leave only to find Rhys there in the kitchen with a large knife and panicked look. Owen withdrew the spray bottle from his pocket and sprayed the mist into Rhys' face "Look mate. She had a terrible accident and is soo self conscious of it… best just ignore it. You love her, scars and weird tummy and all. Gonna get wed."
Rhys looked at him blankly and Owen sighed "OK. Right. Too strong for Retcon is it? Wow. OK. You… you left her. It's not working out, you found out that I fucked her the other night and I know about her little tattoo on her left butt cheek. You lift her and are so happier with the woman you have always lusted after…loved. Go to her now, declare your love and see if she takes you in, if not… you come back here and accept your fate with Gwen Thing."
Rhys blinked as another shot of spray hit him, then he turned and walked out the door as Owen let out his breath and turned ti find the Gwen Thing in the kitchen behind him.
"One. Just one chance, ya hear?" he warned it "Do good."
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Jack tuned off the phone and leaned back to look at Ianto "You think your parentals knew that was a Gwen Thing and let it rampage about the Hub for shits and giggles?"
"Probably. They like a good laugh and it seemed harmless enough. I mean, I guess… how much worse can one be?" Ianto shrugged and popped a grape in his mouth enjoying the burst of it in his mouth as Jack took a foot and started to massage it.
"Well … yeah. Guess you are right. I left Toshiko in charge anyway, so … her call."
"Hmmmmm"
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Andy stood in the room looking bourn with interest. Seems old, seldom used and had the most comfortable sofa he had ever seen. So clean! A little kitchenette, food in the fridge… wow. You know… it seemed bigger once you were in there.
Kev loved it, settling in on the sofa that was so big they could easily sleep in two. Yeah.
Yeah. This would do Kev could see his babies in here.
Andy started pushing the stuff off the desk so he could turn it into a table for their meals and things, using a foot to kick out and push the door closed.
Contained.
Their bugs would be hatched down here in this room and it would all be OK.
The red door clicked softly as they self-isolated in Ianto's old office.
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Rhys stood outside the door nervously waiting and as it swung open he thrust out the flowers.
"I have immense feelings for you. Think you are wonderful and… oh. Hey Stephen mate. Is your mum home?"
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How's that do far? Come on… I can giving you all some fun here.