Dr. Magalie Leblanc knows who she is. She is a doctor. She saves lives. This is her purpose. She loves order, she hates change. She puts 110% into everything. That's just who she is.
She is passionate. About everything. When she studies, she will absolutely blast her music, often louder than it should be. She feverishly baked cupcakes for Theo's birthday, only to forget them at home.
Each emotion is felt intensely: she is never happy, but euphoric; not sad, but devastated. Because of this, Mags has difficultly separating her emotions from her work. She often burns out at the end of her shift, resting her head on the steering wheel of her car for up to an hour before mustering the energy to drive.
And above all, Mags is thorough. She works tirelessly to find answers. She routinely sends her patients for more tests than they need because it's better to be safe than sorry! Sometimes, shame will crawl up her spine and she thinks that her coworkers are judging her, but the surge of pride that fills her every time she discovers some deep, hidden reason for symptoms reminds her that it's worth it.
Mags is happy. Until everything spirals out of control. Until Dr. Bishop scolds her for wasting time. That she's too slow. She's not good enough. His stern face blurs as tears flood her eyes and Mags rapidly blinks, refusing to cry in front of him. So she summons all her self-directed anger (which is a lot) and throws it at Dr. Bishop. Then she stalks off and begins her day.
Mags has never been so stressed in her life.
When Dr. Bishop said he'd be watching her closely all day, he really meant it. After every patient, he's there at the information desk, arms crossed and face unreadable. He demands an explanation for every decision she makes, whether it is to send a patient home or to run a test. Then he rebukes her and explains what she should have done.
Mags makes her way to the staff room after having literally been forced to take her lunch break with trembling hands and burning cheeks. Dr. Bishop had cancelled her patient's CAT scan and proceeded to chew her out before sending her to eat.
Upon reaching the staff room, she immediately heads to the washroom. The door closes behind her with a quiet click and Mags rests her forehead on it before bursting into tears. She curses herself, trying to stop. She struggles for several minutes before giving up and letting her sobs come freely. She apologizes to Dr. Bishop multiple times and pleads for him to let her stay,
"I'm sorry Dr. Bishop," she whispers brokenly. "I'm not good enough." She cries for a few more minutes, letting some of her tension melt away. Finally, her tears slow and stop. Sniffling, Mags wets some paper towel and washes her face. She blows her nose, then washes her face again. She does not hear the quiet footsteps as Dr. Bishop walks away.
Dr. Bishop had simply wanted to surprise Mags during her break. To make sure she's eating. Perhaps three minutes after dismissing her, he enters the staff room, fully prepared to force-feed the inquisitive doctor.
So he's baffled when the room is empty. His eyes roam the room, taking in every detail, before zeroing in on the closed door to the washroom. Ah. That's where she is. He nods, satisfied for solving the mystery, and turns to leave.
Dr. Bishop doesn't make it far when a nearly silent whimper catches his attention. Dread creeps into his mind as he tip-toes closer to the washroom door. Please don't let this be because of me, he mentally pleads.
His hopes are in vain as the young doctor pleads to stay in emergency medicine. A lump forms in his throat, making swallowing difficult. "I'm sorry, Mags," he breathes. "I didn't realize how much I hurt you."
As if Mags had heard him, her sobs increase in ferocity and volume. Dr. Bishop closes his eyes and rests his head on the door, right where Mags's is on the other side. If the door were to vanish, their heads would touch.
Mags apologizes then, her words barely intelligible. "I'm sorry for not being good enough."
"No, Mags," Dr. Bishop murmurs. "You are good enough. I am sorry. You're a great doctor. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes as me." He lapses into silence and listens to Mags's soft cries.
Slowly, her sobs diminish to sniffles. When running water sounds, Dr. Bishop knows it is time to go. He leaves as silently as he arrived.
After her mini-meltdown, Mags actually feels better. She splashes water on her face to reduce the redness and then checks her watch. Oh. If she rushes, she'll still have time to eat.
Mags snarfs her sandwich, nearly choking because of how fast she's eating. She closes her eyes and hums in delight. Man, I'm good at making sandwiches! She takes a massive bite, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk.
Of course, Dr. Bishop chooses that moment to stroll in. "That's quite the sandwich," he drawls, a lazy grin spreading on his face. He raises a brow at her choked splutters. "Relax, Dr. Leblanc, you're supposed to treat patients, not become one." With that, he chuckles and leaves.
Mags's cheeks warm and she giggles. She doesn't see Dr. Bishop's gentle smile at her laughter.
Mags has the feeling that Dr. Bishop is going easy on her. He doesn't critique her once after lunch. Sometimes, when he thinks she doesn't notice, she'll feel his intense gaze on her back. She had caught him staring once; his eyes had been full of pain, his face pinched. She stops trying to catch him after that.
About an hour before the end of her shift, Dr. Bishop calls her over. "See me before you leave," he orders and heads to his office. Mags nods, heaving a sigh of relief once he's out of sight. She can finally breathe.
Time flies, and before she can blink, her shift is over. After ensuring that the next shift doctors have arrived, she heads to the staff room to dump her stuff before she goes to see Dr. Bishop. Mags plops into a chair and rests her head back, taking a much-needed breather to prepare herself to walk into the lion's den.
June strides into the staff room, completely ready to do nothing until her break is over. She stops short when she sees the normally always-on-the-go Mags slumped back in a chair and doing her best to melt into the cushion.
"Is this about Dr. Bishop?" she asks, sitting next to the burned-out doctor. Said doctor groans in response. "Look, Mags, don't let him get into your head. He's trying to unravel you," June advises. Mags doesn't respond, so June lays back as well and closes her eyes.
"He already has," Mags responds, her voice quivering ever so slightly.
Oh no. Mags is about to cry. June awkwardly places a hand on her shoulder. "You've got to believe in yourself. Because, at the end of the day, it's you who's saving the patient, not him. You're a good doctor, Mags."
Mags turns to face her, sniffling a bit. "You really think so?" she asks hesitantly.
"No, I'm just saying this because I like the sound of my own voice. Of course I do, Mags!" June snarks, rolling her eyes. Mags giggles tearfully.
"I have to go see him now," Mags says. "Can you walk me?" She stares at June pleadingly.
Jesus, her face is impossible to say no to. June grimaces. "Sure. What the hell. I'll make sure you don't chicken out." She heaves herself to her feet and offers a hand to Mags. June surprises them both by not letting go.
Together, the two doctors exit the staff room and head to Dr. Bishop's office, hands swaying slightly. As they near the office, Mags starts dragging her feet. June will have none of that. She yanks on Mags's arm, underestimating her own strength and causing the shorter doctor to fly into her side. "Nope. No chickening out under my watch. Nut up." She ignores the odd stare at her last sentence.
They're at his door now, and Mags is about three seconds away from passing out. She's shaking like a leaf. After scanning the area and deeming it somewhat empty, June pulls her in for a hug. "Relax, Mags. Jesus, he's not going to murder you!" she tactfully ignores Mags's I wish he'd do that instead.
With that, June pounds on the door. She's still hugging Mags. "Remember, Mags. You're a good doctor. Bishop's just being an overbearing asshole. Tell him where to shove i-"
"Thank you, Dr. Curtis," Dr. Bishop interrupts. June jumps. She had not noticed him open the door. He raises an eyebrow at her.
"Oh… hi," June stutters. She pulls back a bit, grasping Mags's shoulders. "Nut up, Mags." The younger doctors do not notice their boss choke on a laugh. Then June shoves Mags towards Dr. Bishop, making her stumble into him. Dr. Bishop catches Mags and they exchange a secret smile at June's expense.
"Come in." Dr. Bishop ushers Mags into his office. He shuts the door and draws the blinds. He gestures at her to sit on the couch and drags a chair over for himself, sitting right across from his subordinate.
"Dr. Curtis is quite the character, eh?" He begins with a smirk. Mags cracks a smile at that. Then his smirk falls, and he becomes deadly serious once more. "I heard you caught pulmonary embolism."
Mags opens her mouth. "I noticed -"
"Nice work."
Mags smiles slightly at the praise, but it doesn't last long. "I noticed him coughing earlier and I should have intervened sooner. But… all I could hear was your voice in my head."
Dr. Bishop's face is unreadable. "Telling you what?"
"That I'm-" her voice cracks- "That I'm noticing all the wrong things. That I'm not good enough."
Dr. Bishop's face softens. "That's your voice, Mags," he leans forward, "not mine."
Now she's crying, huge, gasping sobs shaking her frame. "This job… is all I've ever wanted," she bawls.
The couch dips, and Mags is wrapped in deceptively strong arms. She clutches her mentor like a lifeline and rests her head on his chest. "Then find a way to be the doctor that I need you to be," he murmurs, voice vibrating against her cheek.
"I… I don't know how," Mags admits shamefully, gritting her teeth at how pathetic she sounds.
"Then I'll help you," Dr. Bishop states firmly, reaching up with a hand and squeezing Mags's jaw until she relaxes. He pats her cheek in approval before draping his arm around her again.
They sit in silence after that, the occasional shuddering gasp escaping Mags's mouth. After a few minutes, her breathing evens and she relaxes into Dr. Bishop's embrace, basking in the love he radiates.
Her mentor backs up a bit and cups her face in his hands. "Listen closely, Mags." He stares deeply in her eyes. "Are you listening?"
Mags is taken aback, and she stares at him with wide eyes. Dr. Bishop never calls her by her nickname. It's always Dr. Leblanc or doctor. This must be serious.
"You are an exceptional doctor," he begins fiercely. "Do not ever refer to yourself as not good enough again." Mags's eyes fill with tears again and she tries to shake her head.
"No… I take too long…" she chokes out. Hot tears stream down her face and Dr. Bishop wipes them away. "I focus on the… wrong things… not good enough…"
"Mags. Mags!" Dr. Bishop tries. She's weeping too hard to hear him. "Magalie Leblanc!" That startles the next sob right out of her. Mags's eyes snap open and meet his. He stares at her evenly, calming her slightly.
"You are good enough. Yes, you take too long and you look too deep. That's because you don't know when to stop, Mags. But I will help you with that." Dr. Bishop gestures at the hallway just past the large window. "We will help you. Everyone here cares about you. You're not alone, Mags."
Here, Mags nods. Hope starts to bloom in her chest, chasing away the despair and self-loathing. "Okay," she whispers.
Dr. Bishop's stoic mask is long gone, his love and pride unveiled on his face. Mags's breath hitches at the raw emotion she can see, and she stares, mesmerised. Her next though escapes her mouth without permission. "Is this why you're so stoic at work? Because you're a big softie?" Her eyes widen comically, and she slaps a hand over her mouth, receiving a fond smile from her mentor.
He laughs – laughs! – and strokes her hair. "Guilty as charged. But mention this to anyone and you're fired."
Mags giggles, then yawns widely, jaw cracking. Dr. Bishop presses lightly on her shoulders. "Lie down." She lies down. He stands and ambles away. Mags makes to sit up, but he fixes her with a stern gaze and orders, "Stay." She huffs, but stays, watching him wet a paper towel and retrieve a fluffy blanket from under his desk. He returns with the two items and a laptop. Setting his laptop on the chair, Dr. Bishop kneels and washes Mags's face, removing the drying tears.
The senior doctor rises to his full height and gives Mags a once-over. "Well, move down," he commands. "I'm not just going to stand here all day." Mags scoots down so her feet meet an armrest and rolls over to her side. Because she's so short, there is a whole cushion open.
Dr. Bishop lays the blanket over her and tucks her in. He sits by her head and retrieves his laptop, unlocking it. "Go to sleep, Mags." He rests a hand on her forehead briefly before removing it and beginning to type.
Mags watches him quietly, catching his muttered curses. Dr. Bishop stops typing and gives her a you'd better do as you're told stare. She quickly closes her eyes, letting the clicking of keys bring her closer to sleep.
Dr. Bishop runs a hand through her hair, wincing when his fingers catch a knot. Mags's eyes are closed, though, and she doesn't seem to care. He continues stroking her hair, beaming as she relaxes more with each exhale.
Mags is well beyond half-asleep. "I love you," she sighs. Dr. Bishop freezes for a second, startled. Mags butts her head into his hand like a cat, and he resumes petting it. Dr. Bishop leans over and presses his lips to Mags's peaceful brow.
"I love you too, Mags," he murmurs. "I love you too."