DarqueQueen7
ELOPE! ELOPE! Thank the gods Elvis is okay! And he found River's shoe! Poor Andy and Kev may have aged out of fear after his disappearance. Gotta sleep, my eye is killing me. I hope I'm writing English. Both of the images my eyes are seeing are not merging into one; it's a nightmare!
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FranArian
YES! Elope, my lovelies, it's the only way to preserve your sanity!
Nip off in Ianto's TARDIS, have the nice calm version of the Bonding Ceremony you both want, take a fantastic honeymoon, maybe stay away long enough to have the baby and bond with it before the Paretnals can muddy the waters, then come back and watch the tantrums.
Elvis needs a serious blister on his bum for being such a little shit.
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Brose1001
Ooo. Eloping is good. River finds out perhaps an hour or so after the deed is done.
Then throws the mother of all tantrums, and tries to get the ceremony she wanted in the first place.
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KathyC
Elope? Eloping sounds good. Yeah, they should absolutely elope. That won't upset the parental at all.
At least Elvis is safe, for now. Not sure if River is going to let it stay that way. LOL
Owen is having WAY too much fun playing with the Retcon.
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KatWillow60
I like Elvis I think River should adopt Elvis (what kind of genders do they have?)
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DeeBeader
1-Elvis could be helpful to Ianto and Jack if they try to elope, especially when River reveals the 12-Layer Southern-Belle Dress From Hell somebody has to wear.. and the chalice of doom the parentals want.
2- Good idea, Jack; you and Ianto need to make an "emergency" trip to an unnamed destination (do NOT go to Boeshane at any when or to the Sun Showers!). When River reveals her wedding plans for you and Ianto, DO get Tosh to help as you sneak Ianto's Tardis out of the Hub. She can disable the parentals' trackers using that damn "Baby Shark" ditty that Elvis likes.
3-No. No amount of body paint can hide the boys' "tool kits"... Edible underwear thongs might work for the boys' "modesty", but nekked body paint, nah... Jack might get carried away tasting Ianto during the ceremony...
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Lol … OK … mishmash … taking a bash…. At this
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Ianto stood in silent shock as River held it out, her gleeful face filing the room with as much delight as everyone else was filling it with horror.
"What do you think?" she asked "A traditional Germerlition Bonding Gown!"
"Neither myself nor Jack are of the Germerlitia Sector mother"
"But look … the tulle is different colours, as you twirl it is changes… like water… a mix of.."
"Shit" Owen supplied with a snort "It's … its water like some sort of … dairrhea cascade... of shit colours. Look like the sewers after Curry Thursday."
River dropped her arms so the dress she was holding out fluffed onto the ground and glared at him "Its fucking traditional you scrotum!"
"Scrote… what?" Owen blinked "Did she … did she just call me…"
"Let's all calm down a bit" Ianto sighed as he saw Owen pulling himself up to his full height, a rarity in itself and if not for the fact Elvis ws currently in a baby front pack strapped to Owen's chest like Ripley's Chest Burster stopped for a rest half way out, he would have been formidable as he glowered at her.
"Owen. Sit down."
"She called me… in front to of the bug… like… so rude!"
"Did you call Andy yet? Tell him we have Elvis?" Ianto changed the subject as River morosely picked up the dress, the browns and green were indeed shitty colours but in the eyes of the Germerlition empire it was of the colours of the royal family.
"Maybe … maybe we should try for Gallifreyan colours in the same design?" Toshiko suggested diplomatically? "For Mother of the …ah.. Groom? Then you will represent for your husband AND your son?"
"I saw one once" River sighed "One of their ceremonies. It takes five days. At the end of it so many were pregnant. They just… gorge with food and then have this massive orgy in the middle of…"
"Orgy?" Jack squawked, paused to think that response through and then swung to look at the 'Glare of Doom' from his mate, laughing softly as he added "I only need one man."
"Nice save" 10 clapped him on the shoulder, and then turned to his other …ah….selves "Right. I know she sent you two for something other than a frock. Come on …me… lay it on… me."
Ianto glanced over at Tosh and nodded, then started to pick up files left on the meeting room desk. Toshiko cleared her throat "You know … I think there might be some Killorittion Bonding Rings in the Level Three storage rooms. Haven't checked yet, maybe if someone could help me look through all that tat… gotta be thousands of pieces of alien tech in….there…"
They were gone. All three Doctors and an excited River pushing them as they raced for the Level Three Storage Area that held many things… bar any form of bonding ring that is.
"Thank you Toshi" Ianto drew her close and kissed her forehead lovingly "And… watch that twit. I think he is a little too attached to that baby."
Toshiko turned to find Owen dancing slowly around the room humming as his hands rubbed the sleepy alien lovingly.
"Oh god" she sighed "Sooo clucky. Maybe I can talk Andy and Kev into letting him keep him. I sure as hell don't want to squeeze a watermelon out my wha-wha."
"Your…wha…." Jack gasped with horror.
Owen snagged her hand and pulled her in for a waltz.
Jack was pulled sharply out the door and he was still trying to get the mere thought of his sweet little Tosh even having a…wha-wha … his little blossom … before he found himself in front of a red door.
"Oh. Yes!" he remembered the plan, following Ianto inside where Ianto slumped into a chair with a groan of relief.
"My god. Drago … help me escape this madness" he called out and Jack laughed then squealed as he was thrown into a chair by into while the room shuddered like an earthquake.
"Shi." Ianto leaned forward and pulled on a drawer then cursed again and kicked it. The drawer made a clicking nose and the shuddering stopped, the desk started to transform into a flight console and Ianto turned to grin at Jack "Handbrake was on. The most common mistake a Timelord can make."
Jack couldn't help but laugh.
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"This is perfect!" River held up a Draxori head dress and 11 made a noise of excitement as he rushed to try it on, 12 rolling his eyes as he looked aver at 10 and they shared a look of exasperation.
"Find anything?" Owen entered sans front pack and River straightened up to look at him.
"It's a wild goose chase… isn't it" she snarled, suddenly seeing the smug look on the little rat's face.
Elvis chose this moment to appear from behind some shelving with his clawed hands holding out a little gerfi doll. Like a teddy bear but… imagine a killer bear with sharp teeth and red glowing eyes. The little creature started to dance with the doll much as he had seen Owen and Toshiko dancing in the Hub, the weird noises he was making …might be… singing.
River dropped the box she was shaking to watch the little bug dance, swing the teddy and generally steal the show with a weird, deadly and dangerous… cuteness.
"Awwwww" 10 let the headdress fall to the floor "Look. He's dancing!"
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"Come on Tosh" Ianto hissed in to the coms as he started running around the flight console like his parnetals do, slapping, pushing and tweaking. An occasional bell sounded or light lit up and Jack saw it as some sort of interruptive dance.
"Almost" she replied "It's not easy. This is not mine!"
I can't maintain orbit forever, Drago wants to fly" Ianto sighed "It's OK. Just … be careful with Tad's Mark 40. Don't let her know you are in her matrix please … if she finds you mainframe is toast"
"What?" Toshiko squeaked with horror as her fingers paused on her keyboard "What do you mean … toast?"
"Like… killy killy die die" Ianto said happily "But ... come on. Almost there."
"Dear god" she sighed, then looked back at her screen, tapping her earwig as she said to Ianto "Found the right sequences. So … what programme am I looking for again?"
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"Oooo, wait!" Owen held out his hands and then grinned as he started to sing 'Baby Shark' with Elvis dropping the doll to run and join him.
"Awwwwwww" River clasped her hands tighter "Loooooooooooook"
10 looked at 11 who was moving to stand with their wife to watch with equal glee, then he looked over at 12 who was frowning deeply.
Yeah.
He got his attention and mouthed 'distraction?' to 12 who shrugged, then he mouthed back 'not bad tho' and then nodded turning to watch some more.
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"Trace and track… got it. Right… I am inputting the programme your TARDIS sent me… and… there. She accepted it. What now?" Toshiko asked.
"Now… we fly!" Ianto crowed as he slapped a button and Jack felt that drop in his gut when a TARDIS runs.
Whooo hoooooo
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River swung to stare at her husbands "What was that?"
They stared back then 12 said gently "I believe that was our on escaping."
She screamed as she ran for the main hub, Toshiko innocently sitting on the sofa reading a magazine… upside down but thankfully unnoticed as River tore past and as she ran down through the level she screamed "SOMEONE IS WEARING THAT FUCKING DRESS!"
She came to the small store room with the dull steel door and knew damned well the TARDIS that had parked in the corridor in front of said door with its own sweet red door was running like the hounds of hell were after her.
"Ianto ICCARUS ARCHIVISTTTTTTTTT PONDDDDDDDDDDDDD"
"Oh man" 11 sighed "He is so grounded."