This story takes place about a week after the finale (16x21)
The story is mostly about MERLEX/MERLUCA...
Meredith was currently on her way to visit Alex. She was still trying, as Alex had said, not to 'hate him too much' for leaving. She could never hate him. He was her best friend. But, she was still mad at him. And even that was questionable. She was happy for him, when he told her that he wanted to raise his kids, that this was the thing that would make him happy. She just wished he didn't need to leave Seattle, to leave Jo, that he didn't need to leave her for that. She was something between happy for him and mad at him. But she needed him. And so, she had asked Maggie to take her kids for a few days and an hour later she was on her way to Alex.
Andrew had spent the last week at her house after she had taken him home with her when she had found him sitting on the floor in one of the hospital corridors. She wanted to be there for him. To comfort him. They talked, they were getting closer again. But somehow things were still not the same and they probably never will be again.
Now he was at his place, he had asked her to have a few days for himself. She didn't like the idea of leaving him alone. And at first she had thought he was pushing her away again. But when she had been at his place the day before, she knew that this was not what this was about.
She was on her way to leave his apartment, when he reached out for her hand to stop her. She turned around to face him and he gently placed his other hand on her neck. It took her a moment to relax, before she leaned into his hand. It had been months since they were this close to each other and she missed it. She missed him. After a few seconds he slowly pulled her closer to fully embrace her. He gave her a small kiss on her hair, before he slightly pulled away, so he could look at her "Thank you, Mer." Whispered Andrew. After a moment he added "I just need some time." She gave him a small nod followed by a slight smile to assure him that she would wait for him. That she would give him the time he needed.
His embrace loosened a bit and she was about to leave, when he once again stopped her. He was pulling her a little closer, so she was facing him again. "I love you." Said Andrew quietly after looking her in the eyes for a moment. She could feel him embracing her even tighter than before, and once again she let him, because this was what she had missed these past few weeks.
"I love you, too, Andrew" whispered Meredith. They were so close that she could easily move the last distance to kiss him. But she could see that he wasn't quite ready for more in that moment, that he didn't had the headspace for this. But knowing that he still loved her, that he wanted to try.. That was enough to give her hope that they could make it.
She would lie, if she said that she didn't think about it the whole day; if leaving him alone was really the right thing to do. If she should go back to check on him. But she wanted to respect his decision, she wanted to respect him. He asked her to give him a few days for himself. And maybe this was helping him and being there for him in this moment. Even if she wasn't physically there.
When she had laid down that evening the exhaustion of the past few days and weeks overcame her. The physical exhaustion from the lack of sleep, but also the emotional exhaustion. She had been worried. She still was worried about Andrew. And she would lie if she said that it wouldn't terrify her. To not know how things will work out, if they will even work out.
She could hardly sleep that night, and it had been one of these moments where she really wished she wouldn't be alone. She had gotten used to do things on her own, and sure, she had her sisters, so she wasn't completely alone. But Amelia just had had her baby and Maggie seemed to be distracted with everything that had happened with Richard and Amelia to fully notice what had been going on with Andrew. She didn't blame her for that, but she didn't want to push herself on Maggie, too.
And, so, the next day she had decided to go and visit Alex. She couldn't visit Cristina so easily, but Alex was still in the States and even though she was still mad at him. She could really use a friend right now.
When she arrived at the small town, where Alex now lived, she realized, that she didn't knew, how to go about this. She couldn't just show up there and expect everything to be as it once was, could she? And what about Izzie? She hadn't talked to her in years. And their kids? She couldn't just walk in there and interrupt their new family life.
After some more moments of going back and forth about what to do she decided to look for a hotel nearby.
She woke up in the large bed the next morning. It was the only room available when she checked-in the night before. Facing the empty side of the bed reminded her of the past months, where Andrew and her had grown apart more and more. She missed him, she missed waking up next to him, she missed having him around, she missed how he made her feel when he was next to her.
The last week Andrew stayed at her house, and while she mostly wanted to be there for him, she couldn't help herself to enjoy having him near her again, to fall asleep and wake up next to him. It wasn't much but in those moments it meant a lot to her.
When she woke up the other day, she found him lying next to her. He was facing her and when he noticed that she had woken up a little smile appeared on his lips. They were just looking at each other, enjoying the moment for a while. And she couldn't hide a small smile herself. It were these little things that counted so much right now, that meant so much to her.
And now, lying here alone again, reminded her, that things were far from good, whatever 'good' was.
Also, she still didn't know how to talk to Alex. She wondered when all these things had changed. A year ago, she just would have shown up at his door and she knew that he would have been there for her. But he left and somehow he also left her, and that made her unsure if she could still show up at his door, just for him to be there for her.
But she was here now, and he didn't leave her on bad terms. So, she got herself together, and packed the few things she brought along with her, before she drove the last few miles to the farm where Alex now lived.
When she arrived, she saw two pairs of eyes curiously starring at her. She assumed that these must be Alexis and Eli, Alex's and Izzie's children. She slowly walked over to them; they were climbing over a fence when the horse on the other side gently moved its head towards the girl as if the horse wanted to keep her from falling of the fence.
Meredith had to smile, she could understand Alex's decision before; she wouldn't trade her family, her children for anything in the world. But now seeing, his kids and the life he had here, she couldn't even be mad at him. She felt sorry for Jo, and she wished that things were different, but she knew herself that she would never leave her kids.
"Who are you?" A voice interrupted her thoughts, when she saw that Alexis had managed to get off the fence, and was now looking at her curiously.
"I'm Meredith, I'm a friend of Alex" She gave the little girl a smile while answering.
"Oh, daddy talks a lot about you." Answered the girl excitedly.
"So, you two must be Alexis and Eli?" Asked Meredith the kids. After a moment she continued, when the two kids nodded eagerly. "Is your dad here?"
"He is inside, we can show you." Answered the boy, while gesturing her to follow him.
She followed the little siblings inside the house. They stopped in the kitchen and pointed at Alex, to show her where he was.
Alex looked at her surprised for a long moment. He then bent down to his kids and told them to go outside to the horses again, so they could talk alone. Once his kids were gone, he returned his attention to her.
"Hi Mer. What are you doing here?" He didn't seem angry, as she first suspected, when she saw the puzzled look on his face. He just seemed genuinely surprised to see her. Which was logical, considering that she couldn't even bring herself to call him after she had received his letter a few weeks ago. The last time they had spoken was after her trial.
She went home that day, when Andrew showed up at her door. She knew she hurt him, when she told him that they wouldn't make it, but she wasn't prepared for their relationship to 'end' or to take a break. Until that moment she didn't know how much that hurt her. After Andrew left, she went inside to check on her kids and then decided to head over to Alex and Jo. She didn't want to be alone after such a day.
And that was the last time they had spoken, after that he hadn't answered her calls anymore. And she hadn't heard from him until she had gotten his letter.
And now, now she was standing here in his and Izzie's kitchen. It took her a moment to respond. She didn't really knew herself what made her come all the way here to see him. She just knew that after everything that happened with Richard and Andrew, and her still existing concern about Andrew made her want to see her best friend again. She needed him. She needed her friend.
"Everything okay, Mer?" Asked Alex a bit worried now.
Meredith didn't notice the tear running down her cheek until Alex handed her a tissue. The realization of the past few weeks hit her once again. But she tried to keep it together. "Yes, It's just- a lot has happened." She tried to reassure him. After a moment she added "I'm glad to see you, and your kids. They are adorable." She gave him a little smile, before she continued "Where's Izzie?" She tried to change the subject for now, she wasn't quite ready to jump right into everything that happened.
"She's at the hospital, her shift ends in a few hours. Do you want to stay for dinner? Izzie makes delicious pasta. Well, probably not as good as the one Andrew makes, but it's still delicious."
At the mention of Andrew, Meredith thoughts went back to last week, when she had found him in the kitchen, preparing dinner for her and the kids.
She went over to him, when she saw him making pasta for the kids. She was stopping next to him. Not as close as she usually did. She knew that he didn't have the head space to completely focus on their relationship right now. And she didn't want to push him. He had given her the time she needed when they started and now she wanted to give him the space he needed to figure everything out.
She asked if she could help him preparing the dinner and he gave her some easy instructions, like they used to do so often a few months before. She never really liked cooking nor was she good at it. But she had grown to enjoy helping Andrew in the kitchen quite a lot. That day he told her to prepare some things for the salad. And when he saw how helpless she stood in front of the refrigerator trying to figure out which ingredients she should use, he chuckled slightly. And in that moment she couldn't even pretend to be mad at him, because she missed these moments. She missed laughing with him. She turned around to fully face him, looking at him helplessly while smiling. And hoping that he would help her, that he would tell her which things to use to make the dressing for the salad.
And for that moment, where they were laughing, while he was trying to teach her some simple things to cook, or in this case how to make the dressing for a salad, it felt like it once was again.
He wasn't ready for more at the moment. But these little moments, seeing that he was still at her house, that he let her help him, and that he let her get closer, without pushing her away, was enough for her, for now.
She got pulled out of her thoughts, when she heard Alex. "Okay, Mer, please tell me what happened? You look like you saw a ghost or something."
She wasn't sure where to start. So much had happened since her trial. Since she had last spoken to Alex. And if she was honest, things started to get better. Richard was doing great after his surgery, Amelia and her baby were fine. And after weeks of Andrew yelling at her and pushing her away, they finally got closer again. But somehow things were still far away from 'good'.
Alex gestured her to follow him to sit down on the couch, that was a few feet away. Once they sat down, she started to tell Alex everything that happened over the last couple of months. From the weeks where she more or less ignored Andrew because she was hurt, to them temporarily getting 'back together', if you could call it that. She told him that Andrew started to develop symptoms of his father's mental illness. How he kept pushing everyone away. But also about Richard and how Andrew solved the case, to the day she found him sitting on the ground in front of the nurses' station and how she took him home with her.
"I want to help him, but I- I can't. I just don't know what to do." She finished, giving Alex a sad smile.
Alex got a bit closer and tugged her into his side. She never really was a hugging person, but right now she was glad for Alex to be there for her. To have her friend back.
"Look, Mer, you are an amazing person and friend. I know you want to help him, but maybe the best you can do for him right now is to give him space and time. Letting him know that you will be there for him, if he wants you to. Maybe being there for him right now means to give him time." Alex gave her a small reassuring smile.
"I know." She sighed before she continued "That's what I told you when-" she stopped when she realized what she wanted to say.
"It's okay." Alex looked into the room for a moment. "How is she?" Asked Alex after a short while.
"She's okay, I think."
It was silent for another moment, before Alex started "You know, I still love her. And I know it isn't fair to her… But then there are Izzie, and my kids and I love them, too. I always wanted to believe that you could love more than one person, after Izzie left. But I never actually thought it was possible, until now."
"I know." Meredith gave him a small smile. She realized that herself. She never thought she would be able to love again. She didn't want to be with someone else. But, then she slowly started to fall in love again.
They were sitting in silence for a minute before Alex started again "You love him."
Meredith wasn't sure if he meant to say it as a question or a statement, but she felt like he wanted to go somewhere with this. After a moment he continued "Before I left… When you came to me after your trial, you told me that you were not sure if the two of you would make it…"
It was after Andrew had told her to take some time to figure out what she wanted. She was hurt and scared. And if she was honest, she didn't know where their relationship would go at the time. If she wanted him to be a full part of her family, if she wanted him to be a father figure to her kids… But it wasn't really about her not wanting him to be there. She did want him to be there. But that scared her.
"I still don't know if we can make it." She answered silently. Looking away into the room.
"No, now you have to give him time. But you, for yourself, know what you want." Meredith just looked at him but didn't respond. Alex was right she knew now, that she wanted to try. She didn't want her fears to keep her from having love in her life anymore. She wanted Andrew to be a part of her life. But somehow, she still wasn't sure how they would get through all of this.
"Mer, he loves you." Said Alex to reassure her; after a small pause he added asking rhetorically "Have you ever seen him looking at you? It's almost ridiculous."
She had to laugh at that. That's why she loved Alex as her best friend. He was there for her when she needed him, but he was also able to make her laugh again.
"Thank you, Alex." She smiled at him.
"So, how long are you staying?" Asked Alex her after a moment.
"I have to go back tomorrow. The kids. Work."
"You only came here for one day?" Answered Alex a bit confused.
"I needed a friend."
"A friend?"
"Well, you know how Amelia can be, and now with her baby… And Maggie was too concerned with Richard and Amelia. And Cristina, well, she's too far away, to just go there…"
"So, I was your last option?" Asked Alex her, pretending to be hurt.
"Well, I was mad at you!"
"And now you are not?"
"No, besides I'm also mad at Cristina and I can't be mad at both of you at the same time." Meredith said with a little laugh. She wasn't really mad at Cristina, but she was a bit annoyed that her friend still wasn't willing to tell her why she sent that 'gift', Dr. Hayes.
"Why Cristina now? Isn't she in Switzerland? How did she manage to do that?" Asked Alex confused.
"She sent me a 'gift'. Dr. Hayes. He's the new head of peds." Stated Meredith a bit annoyed, thinking back to the day Cristina told her about the gift.
"You seem not to be a fan of her gift." Laughed Alex at her comment.
"Well, that probably wasn't completely fair of me. He's actually really nice, but I just- I don't want him."
"Wait, she sent him as your next boyfriend?" Asked Alex in disbelief.
"I don't know. She won't tell me."
Now Alex was bursting out in laughter. "Yang, really should know better." managed he to say in between.
"She should." Meredith joined the laughter. She hadn't laughed like that in weeks. She wasn't really in the mood to laugh, but that was exactly what she missed. She missed having Alex around, who was able to make her laugh, even in these moments.
After a few minutes he started again "You should probably tell Yang, that her gift doesn't have a chance."
"I already did. Her answer was some weird emoji, I couldn't interpret." Told Meredith him.
"You know, somehow I'm still wondering how you ended up with DeLuca." Started Alex again.
"Well, maybe you were too distracted with your newly-wed stuff and being interim chief to notice." Meredith countered, smiling while she was remembering how everything started with a drunken kiss. That was definitely not what she had expected that day. But she was glad he had kissed her.
Alex turned his head to fully look at her, when he answered a bit more serious "I'm glad you did, Mer. He makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy again. "
Meredith returned his warm smile. She knew that she made the right decision to come here today. Whatever might happen, he always knows what she needs to hear. He will always be there for her. He will always be her person.
They were talking for some more time, before his kids came inside again, letting him know that they were hungry. Alex gave them a little snack, so they wouldn't eat too much before dinner. A few minutes later Izzie came home and started to prepare dinner for them. Meredith and her were catching up on where their lives had brought them. They weren't going into details, trying to keep the conversation light. But, they found a lot of topics to talk about. And Meredith welcomed the little distraction. It wasn't at all how she imagined it to be. Sure, there were some awkward moments the first few minutes. But they were getting along very well.
After a while the kids joined them and they all sat down to have dinner together. They talked just as much as her own kids did. They were telling them about everything that was going on in their lives.
She thought back to last week again, when she came back from work, and saw Andrew sitting on the table with the kids. She was surprised to see him there, eating pancakes with them. She knew that cooking was Andrew's way to distract himself. But the first few days he tried to stay mostly for himself, he wasn't avoiding her kids, and he wasn't not interacting with them. But she could see that he had too much on his mind to give them his full attention. Bailey and Ellis were too young to notice. Zola had asked her one evening if everything was okay with him. And Meredith tried to explain to her that he was having a hard time right now.
But that day, he had made them pancakes and sat down with them, listening to all the stories they had to tell. She was observing the scene for a while, smiling to herself. He went up to go around the table and helped Ellis with her pancake. He was leaning down whispering something she couldn't hear. But it seemed to be funny, because Ellis started to giggle at his comment.
She knew that Andrew was good with kids, but seeing him interact with her own was different. She couldn't stop smiling at the scene in front of her. It made her love for him grow even more. She was looking at them for another minute, before she went over to them, joining their conversation.
Once Alex's and Izzie's kids finished their dinner, Izzie got up to help the kids getting ready to bed. Meredith and Izzie said goodbye, before Meredith went outside with Alex walking to the car to go home.
"I wish I could stay longer." Said Meredith stopping in front of the car. She didn't want to leave already, but she had to be back for work and she already missed her kids.
"You should visit us again. Maybe bring the kids and Andrew. " Suggested Alex.
She gave him a smile. She didn't want to make any promises, but she would certainly try to visit him again. She knew that her kids would love it here. And she hoped that Andrew would want to come with them. It would be their first trip together. And maybe that's what they needed. Some time as a family. Outside the hospital, outside Seattle. Maybe they would be here for some days in a few months.
She said goodbye to Alex and made her way back to the hotel. Alex had offered her to stay at their house, but she planned on leaving early the next morning and she had already paid for the hotel, because she had not known how everything would go.
She laid down that evening in her hotel room thinking about the day. She was glad she came here, she didn't realize how much she had missed Alex. She was so thankful that he always knew how to make her feel better. And she hoped to be here again in the future, with her kids and Andrew.
Her thoughts were drifting to Andrew once again, as she was facing the empty side of the hotel bed again.
One night last week they were laying down in her bed. He on his side and she on her side. Like they did the nights before, since she took him home with her. It felt a bit awkward the first few days. She wished that she could just snuggle up to him, that she could be in his arms, that she could kiss him. But this was not the time. Right now he just needed her to be there, while giving him space at the same time.
He was laying on his side facing her. Observing her, while she prepped her pillow, before she laid her head on it returning his smile. She was about to wish him a good night, like she did the nights before, when he reached out to gently place a strand of hair behind her ear. He slowly moved his hand to her neck. He let it rest there for a minute, while his thump was stroking her cheek.
Meredith was leaning into the touch, smiling at him.
They were far from good and it would take a lot of time. But for now she would cling to these small moments. Because these moments gave her hope that they could make it.
Let me know what you think :)