It was finally over. Leviathan had been defeated, and the Luthors had gone down, partly because of recordings that Querl himself had made over the course of their time working together. The world had finally seen Lex for the madman he was, and the people who had supported him were now quickly disavowing themselves.
And Querl, who had worked closer with Lex than almost anyone else but had also helped bring him down, was stuck in a strange sort of limbo between hero and enemy.
He'd known that would happen. He'd known from the moment he started working with Lex that things would be difficult for him once Lex was revealed for the villain he was. He'd known it was necessary, known it was what he had to do to prevent an even bigger threat from destroying them all, but he'd hesitated before taking this path for exactly this reason. He'd known since the beginning that this could cost him every friendship he had. But he knew it would keep his friends alive, so he'd decided it was worth it.
Now that it had come to pass, though, Querl couldn't help but realize just how much he'd sacrificed for this. Kara and Alex and J'onn and Nia were all together, nursing their wounds and celebrating their win, and Querl was very distinctly separate. He wasn't one of them anymore, not really. You couldn't lie to and manipulate people for weeks and then expect things to go back to normal like nothing had happened. And as much as Querl had hated every second of it, he had lied to them and manipulated them. If they were upset by that, they had every right to be.
He'd known the probabilities going in, and he'd still decided to move forward. Now that it was finished, he'd have to stand by that decision.
Quietly, while everyone else was distracted, Querl slipped away. He didn't belong here, not anymore. The DEO, he knew, would be full of people checking for further evidence of Lex's treachery, but Querl knew the headquarters inside and out, and he was sure he could find a place where he could be alone for a little while. Perhaps, if he had some time to himself, he could figure out how to get used to the loneliness he was sure he would feel from now on.
The main levels of the DEO were as crowded as he expected, but the room that had once housed Alura Zor-El's hologram was empty, which Querl had also expected. He knew it had once been a refuge of sorts for Kara, and it had become one for him as well in the last few weeks. It was quiet, and it was empty, and at the times when Querl wanted it to be neither of those things, the existing technology fit his needs perfectly. At the moment, Querl found he didn't want it to be quiet or empty, so he took a deep breath and dipped into the Coluan Big Brain.
He could find his alternate universe selves easily, thanks to the life projectors they'd given him. It was simple enough to call on his doppelgänger, the one who seemed to always be so endlessly optimistic, and then project him on the pedestal in the room.
"Querl!" his alternate self called eagerly, beaming. "How's it going?"
"Leviathan has been stopped," Querl reported. "Lex Luthor has been arrested."
"Sounds like it's going pretty well, then. Nice!"
"And I do not know if the others will forgive me for the part I played in all of this."
"Ah."
"I cannot blame them, if they're angry," Querl added. "They have every right to be, after what I've done. But I'd hope that they would understand."
"I think they will, in time," his doppelgänger reassured him. "Right now, it's probably still a little weird, but if you give them a little while, I think they'll be able to see this from your point of view." He smiled comfortingly. "They're your friends, Querl. They care about you. Give them a little credit."
"I agree with him," a new voice said from behind Querl. He whirled around and found Kara in the doorway, a soft smile on her face. "Give us a little credit."
"Kara," Querl said weakly, and then his voice died in his throat. What else should he say? What else could he say, that would fix things?
Given the look on her face, was it possible he didn't need to fix things after all?
"I think I'll go," Querl's doppelgänger said. "I'll leave you in Kara's capable hands." He winked at Querl, then his projection vanished, leaving Querl and Kara alone together in the room that suddenly seemed simultaneously far too large and far too small for the two of them.
"You left so quickly, we didn't have a chance to talk," Kara said, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.
"I didn't think you wanted to talk," Querl replied. He didn't add that, after everything he did, he wasn't sure any of his friends would ever want to talk to him again. "I thought you'd be angry."
"You were instrumental in taking down Leviathan," Kara replied. "You took down Lex almost single-handedly. Why would we be angry?"
"Because I lied to you!" Querl protested. "I've been lying to you for weeks! I've been working with Lex!"
"You've been manipulating Lex," Kara corrected. "You've been working to take down Leviathan."
"I still did awful things! The ends don't always justify the means, Kara. You know that as well as I do."
"And we can discuss that," Kara replied, "but we're not going to shut you out without at least talking about it. You're family, Brainy. We trust you."
Querl blinked. "You consider me… family?"
"Of course we do," Kara replied easily, as if it weren't a shocking pronouncement at all. "We love you. We trust you." She looked at him, a bit mournfully. "Did you really not know that?"
It wasn't meant as an admonishment, Querl knew, but he couldn't help but almost hear it as one. There was little he hated more than admitting he didn't know something. He couldn't help but sound defensive as he protested, "I expected your feelings to change in light of the new information."
"That's not how family works," Kara told him gently. Querl bit back the urge to snap, And how am I supposed to know that? It wasn't like his family had ever been a very good example. "We're not going to abandon you," Kara promised. "We're here, Brainy, and we always will be."
Querl wanted to believe it. He wanted to trust Kara. His whole body screamed at him to trust Kara.
But his mind held back, because this sounded too good to be true, and in his experience, things that sounded too good to be true usually were.
"How can I know that won't change?" he asked warily. "You say that now, but perhaps later you'll have a change of heart. How do I know you won't?"
"I guess you just have to trust me," Kara replied with a shrug. "Just like I trust you."
"I lied to you," Querl reminded her. "I went behind your back. You shouldn't trust me."
"Maybe, but I still do."
"But you shouldn't. It's not logical."
"Trust isn't always logical," Kara replied. "Sometimes you just have to go for it. I trust that you won't try to hurt me. I trust that you know what you're doing, and that it's good. I trust that you're going to do what's right." She held out a hand. "Do you trust that I won't try to hurt you? Do you trust that I'm not going to leave you, no matter what?"
Querl stared at Kara's hand. It was illogical to trust her like this. It was foolish. It was like… like throwing himself off a cliff without his Legion ring and expecting her to save him.
Except Kara always did save him, didn't she?
It was a leap of faith, and Querl didn't think there was anyone else who deserved that leap quite as much as she did.
He took her hand. "I trust you."
Kara squeezed Querl's hand lightly, smiling at him. "Then let's go find the others, okay? They'll hear you out, I promise. No one's going to condemn you without hearing your side first."
"I trust you," Querl repeated. "We can go."
Kara didn't drop his hand as she led him to the door. "You know," Querl remarked as she reached out to open it, "when I was making plans, I calculated a 93.2% chance that, after I did what I had to do, none of you would invite me to Thanksgiving."
"Thanksgiving is a time for family," Kara replied. "And you'll always be part of our family, so you'll always be invited."
"The calculations were not in your favor."
Kara shrugged, a small smile on her face. "Never tell me the odds."
"…That's a Star Wars reference, correct?"
"It's a Star Wars reference," Kara agreed. She put a hand on the knob. "You ready to go?"
He'd calculated a 93.2% chance, but that wasn't a certainty, and Kara and her friends always had a tendency to beat the odds. If he trusted Kara, then it would seem he'd beaten them this time around.
He looked down at their joined hands. He did trust Kara, and he trusted that she knew what she was talking about when she called him family.
"I'm ready."
Kara pushed open the door, and she led Querl to find their friends. And for the first time in months, he dared to think he might actually be able to keep them.
(Alex hugged him, and J'onn clapped him on the back, and even Nia offered him a small, shy smile, and Querl knew, with an instinct that was more than logic, that he would.)