Chapter Two
The proper definition of a man, is an animal that writes letters."
― Lewis Carroll
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Ruins of Dale, 4th of January, 2942 T.A.
Bard tried to sleep, but he couldn't quiet his mind, as was so often his problem. He also was away from his husband, which made matters worse.
Seven years. For seven years he had a bed to himself and learned how to sleep alone. Now, after just a few weeks of sharing Thranduil's bed, he could hardly stand the nights without him!
Shit… He punched his pillow, and rolled over again, looking over at the huge dog, next to him. Thangon was sprawled on his back, legs splayed. His head was stretched back, and his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth. The dog was ridiculous.
He was also snoring. Bard shook his head. He still couldn't decide whether or not Thranduil was playing a prank on him, but either way, winter with his new roommate would be interesting.
The Bowman got out of bed, and reached for his thick robe and slippers, to ward off the chill in the air. He went over and put some wood on the fire, then looked back at the bed. The dog hadn't moved, but was yipping in his sleep, dreaming, and his paws moved slightly as if he was running.
Bard rolled his eyes, muttering, then opened the door and went out into the corridor, headed to the kitchens to get something to snack on.
He was passing Tauriel's room, when he saw her door slightly open, and her lamp lit. He knocked a few times. "Tauriel?"
"Come in, Bard."
"What are you doing up? Can't you sleep, either?"
Tauriel was sitting in her chair by the fireplace, in a cream-colored robe. Her grey tabby cat was sitting on the arm of the chair, purring.
"Did I wake you?" Tauriel asked, concerned.
Bard laughed, and walked over to pet Farien, her cat. "How could you possibly wake me, if you don't make a sound? No, you didn't. I have this trouble a lot, and that great bloody beast in my room is busy sawing down trees!"
The Elf smiled. "I like him. He'll be good company for us this winter. But, I confess, it is hard not to miss the children. They kept me occupied after Kili died."
"And, now you don't have anything to distract you." Bard took the other chair and looked at her, as she nodded. "I'm sorry, Tauriel."
"I do miss him. We never even said words of love to each other. There was no time. But I loved him."
"And he loved you."
"May I ask you something, Bard?"
"Sure. Anything." Bard assured her.
"When did you get over losing your wife?"
Bard huffed a little. "I'll let you know."
At her confused look, he explained. "I still love her. My love for Thranduil does not overshadow it, or make it disappear. I'd never want it to. My time with her is over, but I've got memories that I'll always cherish. I still miss her terribly sometimes, and that won't change, but now, when I think of her, I smile. Most of it just took some time, and yes, Thranduil helped some. That's the great thing about love, isn't it? There's always a way to make room for more."
"Do you ever speak of your memories to Thranduil?" She was curious.
"Yes, I do. Not every spouse is comfortable with that, so I'm lucky. And he talks about Mírelen with me. She is part of him, and of Legolas, so I want to know about her. He feels the same about my Mattie."
"I wish Elves were like Men. I find myself a little jealous of Ada. I loved Kili, and what we had was so brief, and amounted to so little, but I will always treasure it…"
"But you want more, someday." Bard sympathized.
"I do not know, but if I did, is that wrong?" Tauriel asked.
"No, love, it isn't. But I wouldn't worry about that now. Take some to think about him. Spend time with the Dwarves, like we suggested. Listen to them speak of him; get to know him. Face your grief, Tauriel; don't run away from it. Your Ada suffered terribly from doing that, and I don't want to see you make the same mistake. Thranduil learned the hard way, that you can't avoid it, and if you try, you'll never get past it." He tilted his head and smiled. "You know you can come and talk to me whenever you need. I know what you're going through, and if I can help, I'd be happy to."
Tauriel nodded, then said, "I am happy you and Ada are together."
"Me, too. Everything seemed to work together somehow, and here we all are. We're all connected now, for reasons only the Valar seems to know, but I'm happy you're here."
The grey cat climbed into Tauriel's lap, and curled up to go to sleep. "I only wish Legolas could be here to join us, but I do not know if it will ever happen," she added sadly.
"I know you miss him, but his leaving was not your fault."
"I hurt him. I did not want to, but..." Tauriel sighed.
"I know you didn't mean to. So does Thranduil. Eventually, this will blow over, and resolve itself, in some way. Your Ada told you, his leaving wasn't all about you."
"He did, but I still feel terrible. I know Ada wants to make things right with Legolas, and so do I."
"But you have nothing to 'make right,' Tauriel. You did nothing to Legolas, except be his best friend, and your wonderful self." He grinned at her, before he became serious, again. "I suggest you leave well enough alone with Legolas, at least for now. He'll come around when he feels he's ready."
The young Elf, smiled at him, "I thank you. But I wish things were different."
"I'm sorry, love. But be patient, and try to have hope."
Then Bard changed the subject. "Would you tell me what was it like, growing up with Thranduil? He's told me, but I'd like to know from your point of view."
Tauriel sat back in her chair, and stroked the cat. "I barely remember my birth parents. All I remember of my village, is the smell of smoke, and arms reaching to lift me from the cellar. I was frightened, and crying."
"I'm glad that's all you remember." Bard shuddered. "I can't imagine what they went through."
She smiled, "I do remember being held by Thranduil, and thinking how pretty his hair and his eyes were. I felt his cheek to see if it was as soft as it looked, and he looked surprised. I wasn't afraid, because I knew he would take care of me. I rode through the forest, sitting high up on a horse, in front of Ada. He didn't say anything, but I felt strong arms, and his cloak wrapped around me. It smelled of lavender and spices, and I remember thinking how much I liked it."
"That's how Thranduil smells; you're right."
She looked into the fire. "My memories of living in the Palace, was much like that first day. He did not say much, but when he was around, I felt safe and protected. He was never unkind to me, as a child; he was just…distant. It was Galion and Legolas who were openly affectionate with me, but Ada was always there, even if he was in the background. It was only after I was grown, that I realized how sad he was inside."
Bard mused. "He's so open now, I find it hard to picture him as anything else."
"I think he had an easier time with me, than with Legolas. He had long reached his majority, and was already a part of the Guard, when I came to the Palace, so I do not know the details between them, but to me, he wasn't as cold and remote as he believes. Whenever I woke in the night, crying, it was Ada who came to sit with me, until I fell asleep again. I needed him to help me feel better." She looked over at Bard, "I think, sometimes, he came to see me when he had a bad dream. Maybe we needed each other."
"That's true, Tauriel. He needed you just as much as you needed him. He still does." Bard looked at her thoughtfully. "Would you answer something, honestly?"
"Certainly."
"When you see Thranduil with my children, especially Tilda, does it bother you, that he couldn't be that way with you? Do you feel like you missed out on anything?"
Tauriel considered this question. "I do not think so. As a child, I did feel loved, Bard. Yes, I would have liked things to be different, but only because I knew Ada couldn't be the way he wanted to be. You must understand, that to my mind, Galion is my other parent, and I look up to him in many ways. I loved them both, and I never wanted for anything. My childhood was not a sad one."
She looked down, at Farien, and rubbed her behind the ear. The tabby closed her eyes and leaned into her touch, purring in ecstasy. "Ada is mistaken if he believes I felt neglected. I knew he cared about me; he just had difficulty showing it. He deeply regrets what he missed out on, with Legolas and me, so I am happy he has your children. He has a chance to have fun, and find joy in being a parent." Tauriel laughed. "It is not hard to see why Ada loves them. I do, as well."
"Aye, my Sea Monsters tend to grow on you, don't they? They kept me going for a long time."
Tauriel giggled. "It is funny to see how Tilda has enslaved him."
Bard laughed. "'Slave' is the right word! He's so fierce and terrifying in Battle, yet one little pout from her, and he's mush! It's hilarious! Do you remember how he was that day she tripped, scraped her knee, and started to cry?"
Tauriel threw her head back and laughed, "I have only ever seen him move that fast in combat! And you…"
"What about me?" Bard put his hand on his chest, pretending to be wounded.
Tauriel pointed at him, giggling, "When Tilda lost her tooth, I never saw anyone's face turn green so fast!"
"Aye, I know. What about the time we had to explain to him about 'courses?' Did Sigrid tell you what happened after you all went to bed? I think it hit him, how much he didn't know about human children, and was scared to death of breaking them, or something!"
Tauriel nodded, and was still laughing. "Lady Hilda and Sigrid were mad at me, because I never had them!"
"Well, can you blame them?"
"No, I cannot!" Tauriel put her hands over her face, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
"We are a ridiculous bunch, aren't we?" Bard shrugged his shoulders. "I remember when I first saw Thranduil in Dale." He laughed. "He was such an arrogant bastard, I wanted to kick him in the teeth, and look where we are today. Whoddathunk?"
"Things worked out for the best. I think, somehow, I am supposed to be here. This is where I belong; I feel good about it. I miss the Palace and the forest, of course, but this is exciting, with Dale so new and all the things it can become." She snuggled the cat, as Farien purred.
Bard smiled. "Your Ada loves you very much. I think he'd be glad to hear how you really felt growing up with him. Maybe you could put that in a letter."
The Elleth nodded. "You are right; I will."
"I'm glad we can be friends, Tauriel. We're all a part of something special. When Legolas is ready, he'll be welcome, too. Life in Dale won't be easy, and we'll struggle a lot before things get better, but I'm glad you'll be here with us. I wouldn't want it any other way."
Tauriel looked down, shyly. "I did not know any Men before I left the Woodland Realm. I had always thought we would be too different to understand each other." She looked back up at the Bard and smiled. "I am glad to know I was wrong."
Bard returned her smile, then got up. "Me too. Now, what do you say we go into the kitchen and scare up something to eat? I'm hungry, and I'll bet the dog could use a snack, once that big monster realizes I'm gone." Bard got up and grabbed her hand. "Come on, then. And after, we've both got to get some sleep."
They went into the hallway. Bard sighed, at the closed door to the children's rooms. "I know one thing we're going to do right away; get some noise in this place. I can't stand those empty rooms."
"I agree. It is too quiet and lonely."
"First thing tomorrow, I'll fix that, but right now, I'm starving. Come on."
Together, they made their way to the kitchens for a snack, with Tauriel's meowing cat following behind, hoping for a snack herself.
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ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:
Tithen Pen – Little One
Hênig – My child
Galvorn – "Black Steel" (Black metal)
Iellig – My daughter
Tirhûtaw – sheep dog (lit. "wool guard dog")
Suilad, Aran nîn – Greetings, my King
Ni veren an dhe ngovaned – I am happy to meet you
Tulë, Esta – Come, Esta (Quenya)
Farien – the name of Tauriel's cat means "Huntress"
Thangon – A variation of Thangail, "Great Shield," the dog Thranduil gave to Bard. He looks like an English Mastiff, but he's bigger and doesn't drool!