Chapter 13 – Heart matters
I finished up packing with a heavy heart. Now it was really time to go home. To settle things with Hank. Well, if it's still an option.
I've sent him messages every day since we last talked, but I haven't received any answer.
I zipped my bag sighing. It was pretty late, and I was worn out, but my mind was racing. What happened between Dick and I… I had no idea where to put it. My emotions played me and I didn't know what to feel anymore. Some space would be good. I needed to calm down.
A firm knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts, making me even jump a little. I walked up to open up and I found Dick on the other side. My heart raced in my chest as I wasn't able to stop reliving our moments happened in his mind. Even though it wasn't real, it stirred me deeply.
He seemed pretty nervous too, I haven't really seen him like this before.
"Yes?" I cleared my throat, trying to keep my cool.
"Look, I know you don't want to talk, so we don't have to." He started as I held my breath anxiously. "I just want to thank you. For being the love I needed when I thought I didn't need love. It changed me. And even though I didn't know it at the time, it saved me" He confessed as I casted my eyes down, biting my lips.
"Uh, sorry guys" Gar appeared on the corridor too, sending us an embarrassed smile. The tension must've been palpable if even he was able to sense it. "Didn't mean to interrupt, go on" He passed us as fast as possible.
I beckoned Dick to come in. This was everything but a public topic. I didn't want to be the object of rumours, this group was already like a high-school class.
"You're leaving?" He asked as he saw my bag on the bed, all packed up.
"Yeah, Rachel is not in danger anymore, she even found her mother. There's no need for me now" I explained as he nodded, pressing his lips together.
An awkward silence settled in the room as I checked the drawer not to leave anything behind.
"I think about you a lot." Dick added making me freeze. "All the time, actually."
"Dick, please, don't" I shook my head desperately. I was confused enough already, I didn't need to hear him out.
"There is something going on between the two of us, and you know it" He said, stepping closer. "I can't let you go, Rory"
"You did it already" I retorted raising my voice a bit. "You owned my heart. Every piece of it. Until the day you decided to give it away"
"I was a jerk. An asshole. I screwed up royally. I wussed out. I bailed because I was sure that I'd only ruin you." He admitted it. "I was convinced that I'm not capable of a commitment like that, that we'd end up separated and I'd only cause more pain if I stayed, so I fled. I thought it would hurt less." He explained as I scoffed at his statement bitterly. "Now I know how wrong I was." He agreed slowly walking closer to me. "I've never meant to hurt you the way I know I have. You are the best thing that happened to me. You are the only good in my life." He confessed being so vulnerable that it broke my heart. "I need you, Ror. You are my light. And I need a little light, because..." He stopped thinking whether to continue. "Because without it there's an awful lot of darkness." He finished his voice failing as I felt tears gathering in my eyes.
"Dick…" I called his name softly. I knew he's suffering just as much as I did, and I hated the thought of it. I wanted to hug him, to provide him some comfort, but I didn't think it would be a good idea.
"Despite the fault of abandoning you, my heart and soul are still yours. I've learnt from this dreadful mistake and I could only beg for your forgiveness." He get himself together again. "Don't worry, take your time" He interrupted me before I could say anything. "Just please, remember, I'm here. I'll wait. And I still love you more than anything." He told me finishing his case as I stood there right in front of him, dumbfounded. I had no idea how to react, so in the end I just nodded slightly.
He held my gaze for a moment longer, hoping for some reaction then reached for my hand hesitantly but changed his mind midway and ran his fingers through his hair instead. He let out a defeated sigh as he turned around, leaving.
"Getting over you was the hardest thing in my life that I had to do" I started quietly as he stopped, turning back to me, a glimmer of faith shining in his eyes. "And I don't think I could do that again" I admitted it genuinely as I saw him pressing his lips together. He nodded curtly then he was gone.
Did he regretted he told me all these?
Part of me was disappointed. It was hoping that he would stay and ensured me I'd never have to do that, because he's staying for good now.
It was so surreal that I had to pinch myself. But I had not even a slightest clue what to do, or even what to think.
Sometimes I did wonder if we made a mistake. What if we weren't supposed to let each other go? What if it was a test and we failed. Miserably.
I moved my injured arm around carefully. It still hurt, but it was getting better.
I decided to take a shower and try to sleep. I definitely needed some rest and I had to give some time to my mind to progress all the happenings…
DDD
It was 3:37 am and I was lying awake in my bed. I thought some sleep would help, but obviously it wasn't going to happen. My thoughts were twirling and I couldn't get over Dick's confession.
I tried to recognise my feelings, but I only got more confused. I would lie if I told that his speech left me untouched, since the butterflies in my stomach gone wild every time I thought about him.
But then what about Hank? I loved him for sure. Yet if I wanted to be completely honest, there was a part of me that was always going to have feelings for Dick. And yes, I might've moved on, got together with someone else, tried my best to be happy, but if I ever wanted to answer the question genuinely who I love, Dick's name was always going to be the first in my mind.
Why does it always have to be so complicated? I groaned annoyed, puffing in myself. Then I wondered, is he still awake unable to close his eyes too? Is he nervous? Or excited? Is he waiting for me?
That's just ridiculous, Rory, if you want to see him, go! It's not like a bad thing.
I tried to convince myself that the urge to meet him was completely normal and innocent, and even though deep down I knew the truth it didn't stop me from moving.
I got out of bed and left my room with a hammering heart. My confidence decreased though as I reached Dick's room.
Am I really doing this?
I quickly knocked, before all my courage vanished. I waited for a moment trying to eavesdrop, but my own heartbeat were so loud that it made impossible to hear anything else.
The door opened showing the figure I craved to see. He was undressed, wearing only his boxer and as much as he seemed surprised he was completely awake too. I looked him in the eye as his expression softened became even relieved, and I knew, I'm doomed.
After all this time I couldn't believe, but I still wanted him...
Well, I guess sometimes a mind needs more time to accept what a heart already knows.
He backed away to let me in without a question. His scent filled my nose, sending a familiar shudder through me as I entered.
The reading light next to his bed was on, a book kept opened on the sheets waiting for him to go back. I smiled in myself. Of course he couldn't sleep either.
I stopped in the middle of the room as he cautiously closed the door behind him, just like he would've been afraid, I'd run away. He eyed me up eagerly, appreciating the view my nightgown offered. His irises darkened in desire, his gaze raking my skin brazenly, setting me ablaze.
We locked eyes as he stepped closer, slowly stealing the gap between us as I remained stationary. My heart leapt in my chest as he placed his hands on my waist moving one up on my side leisurely, caressing every inch of my body. I enjoyed his delicate touch through the thin linen, making the blood throb in my veins as I gently stroked his chest. His muscles were tense and hard. He got many bruises and scars, too many if you ask me. I traced one right under his collarbone, which led me to his abdomen as my fingers playfully moved down following it.
His hand reached my neck, cupping my face as he pulled me close tightly. I gasped in anticipation as his mouth crashed on mine impatiently. I felt his struggle of controlling himself just like he always did in his life, and even though our kiss started rather tenderly, it built up into something more passionate, consuming even.
I moaned aroused as he started trailing teasing kisses down on my neck, blotting out any reasoning not to let go of myself. My enthusiasm only fuelled his lust as he gripped my ass lifting me up easily.
I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed me hard against the wall. I smirked at his hunger as he pulled my dress up determined to get rid of it. His hand trailed over the curve of my hip and thigh making me shiver in joy while his mouth possessed mine again with incredible passion.
I want you right here, right now. He thought not wasting time with talking.
Then take me.
He looked at me for a moment, still in disbelief yet with burning desire. It made me chuckle, but I had not much time for it since he bit my lower lip playfully then his mouth moved down on my throat. I tilted my head back with an involuntary moan as he started sucking my soft skin. I was sure it would leave a mark but at that moment I couldn't care less.
He slipped out of his underwear without I could notice it as now there was no more barrier between us.
He moved himself against me, his hard steel length teasing with a promise of unforgettable pleasure.
I supported myself on his shoulder then eased my hips down to receive him. A tortured groan passed his lips as I moaned in satisfaction.
He filled me completely, moving in deeper. Hard, rough strokes rocked my body as we found the perfect rhythm right away. It was a desperate dance of flesh, trying to make up for all the years of missing, lacking each other.
I cried out his name, begging for more as his tongue flicked the sensitive tips of my nipples. With every move my body was awash with overlapping waves of pleasure as he clasped my hips, pulling me hard into his final thrusts.
Fuelled to new heights we came as one, gasping and groaning, giving into mutual ecstasy.
DDD
We laid in the bed with satisfyingly tired muscles. I rested my head on his chest as he embraced me, drawing small circles on my lower back. It was a bit ticklish, but I wouldn't have told him for anything. It felt too good to be held by him.
I sighed relaxed, nuzzling his neck to cuddle closer to him. He pressed a loving kiss at the top of my head while he tightened his arm around me.
It was perfect. Right now we lived in a bubble which was flawless. I felt whole again.
"You're still going back in the morning?" Dick asked shuttering this bubble into pieces. With only one sentence. He really had a sense for these things…
"Yeah" I answered reluctantly. "I need to talk to Hank and I want to try my new ability on Dawn till it still lasts. Maybe I can wake her up too from the coma." I explained raising up a bit to see his face, yet I saw no emotion.
"Alright" He accepted it eventually and I almost believed it. Almost…
"You don't like it" I read him locking eyes with him as his expression softened.
"I've spent too much time away from you for that" He admitted it as I smiled, pecking his lips. I knew that it's only a part of it. Meeting with Hank probably bothered him just as much, but I left it.
"After this you can spend as much time with me as you want. You will even get bored of me" I teased him as he scoffed at the absurdity of it.
"You don't know what you're talking" He murmured pulling me in for another kiss as I smiled against his lips, warmth filling my chest.
I fell in love with him again.
No. That's not right. I don't think I've ever fell out of love…