#6

Despite appearances, things hadn't been all that good between Nell and Callen. Sure, to the neighbours on St Helena, they seemed like the perfect couple… always smiling, happy to be together with their daughter. Sure, there had been the odd whisper about why they were together…. Like Was he extremely wealthy and she a gold digger?, which more than a few thought given her now blonde hair.

Behind closed doors, things were rough. As far as Grace was concerned she had both her parents watching over her, something she hadn't been able remember… not her real parents. He looked a lot like her Mummy's new husband though, but her Mummy seemed much happier with Callen than she had with Kurt. Kurt was always telling Nell what to do, where to go, what to wear… rarely letting her out of his sight. But when Grace was asleep, things were just…. Not how Callen had imagined them to be for all those years.

From Nell's point of view, Callen had been 'cold' with her ever since they had fled the states. Sure, he was always warm and loving when Grace was around, Always showing concern for both his girls. But he wasn't the same as she remembered… they didn't kiss or hug each other, they didn't sleep in the same bed. Sure, he had tried in the early days of their self imposed exile, but something just wasn't the same.

Callen had sat up that night, consider his options. When they fled to St Helena, he had chosen the island because there was no chance anyone would track them down. At least that had been the hope… but now, he had a legitimate route out of their exile. They could go home… they could see their families again. For Callen, that was the most important aspect of the deal he had been offered. When he had left WITSEC, he had few desires… he had already lost Nell, he had lost access to his only child… that left his chosen family. So he had returned to Los Angeles, he had returned to OSP… to that family that would still accept him. It sounded uncaring no matter how he would put it. But everyone knew what the situation was… if Nell would have still had him, he would have stayed by her side, rather than continue running undercover operations well into his 50s.

Ultimately whatever Callen chose, he chose for Nell and Grace. St Helena had been a great home to them… but whatever he chose, their lives on St Helena were at an end. They couldn't stay on the island if someone in the US knew they were residing there.

"We're going with them, right?" Nell asked, breaking Callen from his thoughts

"Yeah. I think it's the best option. Whether we go with them or not, we can't stay"

…

The next morning Callen, Nell and Grace made their way down to the quay, with whatever possessions they could carry.

Nell had been … well, almost excited, to get off the island. To have the option to let her Mom and sister know she was still alive, to let them see how Grace had grown. But Nell knew that it would also lead to questions about what happened, and why. It wasn't exactly easy to begin to imagine how she would begin to explain the events of the better part of the last decade, explain why she was with Callen again. Especially given the events that had led to their self-imposed exile on St Helena.

Callen on the other hand was looking forward to seeing his 'brothers' again. Catching up with Kens.

He wished he could have spoken to Hetty… for her to tell him where he should be pointing, to know if what he was doing was right. He was already trying to do the right thing by Grace… but he didn't know if that was the right thing for himself, or for Nell.

The last few years had been tough on him… and he didn't know if trying to pretend things with Nell were going well, for Grace's sake was fair on any of them.

He lay back on the bunk and stared at the ceiling… trying desperately to focus on the job that was waiting for him back in LA. St Helena had been a nice change of pace… but if he was honest, he always knew the day would come where he would have to face up to his sins. At least in this situation Nell and Grace wouldn't be forced to live in the shadows because of something he had done out of anger.

…

6 Months Later:

Callen stood in the hallway waiting for the guard to open the door and let him into the visiting hall.

This was not a situation he ever wanted to be in, it definitely was not a situation he wanted Grace to be in. Who in their right mind would ever want their kid to visit them in prison. Especially when that kid was as young as Grace was.

After hearing the loud buzz from the door lock, Callen was let into the visiting hall and made his way over to one of the benches where he promptly sat down and waited.

He started to notice some visitors being allowed into the hall, all heading over to their loved ones. He was left wondering who would be bringing Grace… he had been quite insistent that Nell not come. That afternoon when he had seen her walk into the church with Grace… it was like he had died and gone to heaven. To see them… he had been so pleased. Right up till he saw her black eye. That was why he was in here… it wasn't because of what happened during the investigation, no matter how he tried to convince himself.

Before he started to second guess himself, he noticed Grace being led into the hall with Kensi and Mike. He should've known Nell wouldn't trust Grace to just anyone

"Daddy!"

Callen got up and knelt down and waited for the best thing to ever happen to him to run into his arms

"I missed you, baby" he said as he wrapped his arms around his daughters back. Looking up at Kensi and Mike, he could see their concern, and not just for him…

"You doin' okay, Brother?" Mike asked as he sat down

"Yeah. I'd be better if I wasn't in here… but guess I'm finally paying for my sins"

"Nell sends her love" Added Kensi, turning the conversation away from Callen and his guilt

"How're they getting on?" he asked, meaning Nell and Grace. He fussed over Grace as he spoke to his friends

"Granger and Hetty have them set up in a nice place, Round the clock security… " Kensi replied before Mike interrupted

"You expect anything less.! We're all looking out for them. And before you give us some bullshit about us not needing to… remember, we're family. We always look after family. God knows you've done it for us for long enough"

…

OSP 6 months ago

Callen looked about the ruins of OSP. The building was still physically there, but the explosion had rendered it beyond economical repair. Granger had taken quick a knock in the explosion… a few broken ribs and a punctured lung. He hadn't been released from the hospital, and short of a miracle he wouldn't for some time.

Sam had suffered some burns, and a concussion. Kensi and Deeks had escaped without injury due to being at the boathouse at the time. Mike had been found under some wreckage, while he wasn't seriously injured he could expect to be out of the field for at least a week.

Callen carefully walked over the rubble towards Hetty's office… wishing the little ninja would be there to dispense some sage advice

Callen could just imagine what she'd say if she was still there…"Quite a mess, wouldn't you say?!. But there is a job to be done, so set yourself to the task and don't stop"

"I will find who did this" Callen replied quietly, knowing there was no one to listen

Callen had dropped Nell and Grace off at one of Hetty's houses. Considering the task ahead of him, last thing he wanted was to put Grace in any danger. Nell had tried to convince him that their place was with him… Callen couldn't face working with Nell again. He was still affected by what he had done to Kurt. Sure he had a good reason for what he did… but that didn't make it right. Aside from that he was more hurt about Nell moving on as quickly as she had done… replacing him in her life. Replacing him in Grace's life. That was what hurt most. He had long ago realised that Nell was out of his league… she was young, beautiful, smart, loyal and a million other things. Why she had settled for the old and damaged person that Callen was, he could never work out. But when Nell had agreed to go into WITSEC with him he thought maybe they had a real shot together, a fresh start… When WITSEC separated them, Callen had been focussed on one thing… getting back to Nell and Grace. Nothing else mattered…

But when he did get back to them, she mad moved on… moved on to Kurt. The pain of that still affected him to this day. So he left WITSEC, he went back to work and took his frustration out on the criminals of California. He never did find out who was to blame for the attack on the USS San Diego and his own abduction and interrogation.

After the case went through the courts Callen refocussed all his attention on work, trying to do anything and everything to avoid thinking about Nell and Grace. That also included getting black out drunk 7 nights a week… some of the time he'd go out drinking with Mike and Sam… Obviously, Sam went home before it got too late. The longer things went on the more he had to drink to block out the thoughts or memories of Nell and Grace, for even the slightest moment.

Callen shook himself out of his thoughts of the past, and focussed on the picture he had found on the floor of Hetty's office with some rubble covering it. It was from the staff Christmas party a few years back. From before the blindness, before Nell and him had gotten together. It was just of the core team. Kensi, Deeks, Sam, Mike, Granger, Hetty, Eric and himself. Before everything went to hell. The bight colours of the building was a stark contrast to the blackened walls and blown out windows that were around him now.

"Where do you want us to start, sir?" Asked one of the junior agents from blue team. There had been so many injuries That SECNAV and the director authorised Callen to pull in Blue team and some agents from San Diego to support operations until they could get a skeleton OSP staff back into the field, and in the immediate term, Back up Callen through the investigation.

"Bag and tag everything. I want prints sent to the LAPD crime lab , and any DNA sent to San Diego for analysis. I want the source of the explosion found and residue of the chemicals used checked to know who attacked us…"

Callen continued for some time rhyming off instructions to the junior agents, and then briefing team leaders as to how he wanted them and their teams split up to cover the investigative work ,and how many would be assigned to work on OSP's workload of cases.

…

Callen slipped into the hospital room quietly, not wanting to disturb Sam or Mike's recovery. The swelling and bruising on both of them deeply affected him. He had abandoned them… he had abandoned his family when they needed him most… and why?, so he could avoid thinking about Nell.

"Hey, Brother" Mike started, followed by Sam's "G. Long time"

"Come on guys, less of the touchy feely. I know it's been a while… but yeah, glad to see you both still walking and talking.. well, eventually" Callen replied jokingly, before pausing to sum up the words to ask what he had been wondering for some time "How come none of you attended Hetty's funeral service?"

Sam and Mike exchanged glances, neither one wanting to be the one that let the cat out of the bag

"Come on guys. I need to know… I mean, she was a huge part of our lives. You didn't even send flowers"

"It's not our place to answer that… but if you go into my wallet. There's a card for AAA, dial the number and you'll have all the answers you need" Sam offered

…

Callen pulled out the card he had gotten from Sam's wallet… he realised how long it had been since he had seen his friends, but Sam was never the sort of person to join AAA. He knew enough about cars to not need to rely on a service like AAA. With his other hand he pulled out his cell phone and dialled the number.

Callen listened to the phone ringing and waited for a response. Suddenly a voice answered

"I expected your call several hours ago, Mr Callen. Sitrep"

Callen shouldn't have been surprised, of course the old spy would have faked her death. He had so many questions, but knew not to waste time

"OSP is non operational. Half the support staff are injured, others suffering from PTSD. I've got Blue team working on getting us operational in the short term, and a team from San Diego. Sam and Mike'll be out of circulation for a few days at the least, weeks at the most. Granger is pretty rough shape. Few broken ribs, punctured lung and some pretty sever bruising and swelling, Same as Mike and Sam. Kens and Deeks are running things from the boatshed…"

"..And mr Beale?"

Callen paused, he hadn't even considered the tech operator when clearing the 'mission'. Eric was probably the last person he wanted to see, let alone think of

"Honestly, not a clue… he wasn't in ops when I swept the building, and he isn't listed among the wounded or KIA"

"Mr Callen. I realise you have had issues with Mr Beale, but he is still one of us…. And I expect.."

"Yeah, I know Hetty… I need to make sure everyone working for OSP is accounted for. Make sure anyone.,… EVERYONE that was in the mission is okay"

"I expect you to check in with me every day, until you have the person or persons responsible in custody"

"I can't run an investigation out of the boatshed and still keep it's true purpose a secret from the neighbours"

"Mr Callen. I'm sure if you will manage. Remember. I want a daily sitrep" No sooner had she finished speaking, the call was disconnected

…

"Callan… You have no idea how good it is to see you. We heard all sorts of stories…"

"I know, Kens. I'll fill you in some other time…"

"Nell?"

"They're both here, in LA. I promise you, I'll fill you in later. Now, I need to know what you've all been working on… Who you've been watching. I need to know everything. And I need to know NOW"

…

Things started working… Callen had begun to feel he was in out of his depth. But they had numerous lines of enquiry to follow. As agreed, Callen followed his instructions and called in daily to give Hetty a sitrep. There had still be no sighting of Eric… Callen had made it a priority to follow any lead as to the operator's whereabouts. It wasn't just because he had on numerous occasions been a thorn in Callen's side… it wasn't just that he had been intimate with Nell. It was … it was that Callen had once been able to trust the technical operator. It was that Callen once upon a time would have considered the young man a friend. But now… Now, all Callen wanted was to find Eric and let Mike finish what he had started all those years ago.

"Sir"

"Sitrep, Callen"

"Beale's still missing… no sign of him. I don't know if I'm letting my personal feeling cloud my opinion. But I find the fact that we haven't been able to find hide nor hair of him since the explosion. He's hiding… Playing games."

"Callen., You know what you're doing. I wouldn't have gone along with Hetty's plea bargain deal with SECNAV and the director if I didn't think you were up to the task. Just don't get so fixated. He may be innocent. I mean I don't trust anyone who sleeps in pants with printed polar bears on them, but with the exception of 'ratting you out' to the comescu's, he's not done anything questionable"

"We'll see"

"Use your wife… or, whatever she is now. She's the expert in all things Beale"

…

Callen walked into the large house and closed the door behind him. They had rarely discussed their past during their self imposed exile… there were times that he wanted to talk about their friends, but he couldn't bring them up. He felt like he wasn't being loyal to them. Nell had walked out on them, as much as she had walked out on him.

"I need you do dig into some files" he asked as he walked through the dining room into the kitchen "We're missing someone. They vanished without a trace after the explosion"

"Why me?" Nell asked, eager to engage him in conversation about something, anything, other than Grace

"You're a SME"

Nell looked in his direction none the wiser as to what he meant. In her time with NCIS she had become used to all number of acronyms

"Subject Matter Expert"

Nell was still no more certain of what he meant

"You know Eric better than anyone I've got access to. You are the expert in all things beale"

"I don't want to go back down that rabbit hole, G"

"It's a matter of national security, Nell. I can't have him out there in possession of classified materials. Granger reminded me that you know him better than anyone else we have"

Nell was far from keen to dive back into anything involving Eric Beale. But she realised it was one way for her to get close to Callen again, even if just professionally. He had kept her at arms length since they left the states.

"I would really rather not. But I appreciate the seriousness of the situation.. so I'll look over whatever you have. BUT I want to have a proper talk about… well, us."

"You want to talk about this NOW…?! There are more important things going on at the moment. Remember we could only come back here on the understanding that I catch who attacked OSP. I don't, and I'm headed to prison or we try and disappear again"

"I understand that. But you've not been YOU for some time. You're cold and distant towards me…" Nell began, before Callen interrupted

"Yeah, well I think given the situation… I've been particularly understanding"

"This is because of Kurt, isn't it!" Nell questioned

"NO, why on earth would it be about the guy you got married to when we were split up. Have you even stopped to consider how things looked from my point of view, huh. We got separated for a few months, and you move… you get involved with some … bastard. You let someone into your life, let him into MY daughters life… you moved on. You married him rather than leaving WITSEC with me… you have any idea how that felt… huh?! The two people I cared the most in the world about, and you just replace me with the first guy that came into your new life"

"You want me to say I'm sorry?. Right, I'm sorry… I'm sorry I moved on, I'm sorry I didn't wait. I'm sorry I put our child in a situation where she could have been hurt. But I NEVER stopped loving you."

"You chose to abandon me long before Kurt came into the picture. You chose to believe Eric about my involvement with Anna… you didn't come to me and ask for my side of the story. You judged me without being in full possession of the facts. You didn't care enough about me…"

"I Do care about you. I've loved you for a long time… long before you went blind."

"Yeah! Well, didn't take too much convincing for you to see me as the bad guy, did it?!" Callen replied in a louder and angrier tone. Before he could say anything else he caught sight of movement in his peripheral vision "Hey sweetie, you okay?" he said in his normal tone of voice when he saw it was Grace

"Are you and mommy angry?" the youngster asked, sounding upset from the raised voices

"No, sweetie. Just a difference of opinion. You need anything?" Callen explained, crouching down to eye level with his daughter

"I miss my room"

"I know you do. But we'll find you somewhere locally that you love more than your old room. Somewhere with a garden and swing"

Nell kept quiet. She knew her daughter had heard enough raised voices in her young life, and felt guilty about it happening again with her actual father

"It's okay, peanut. I promise you" Nell added, feeling she had to say something to reassure Grace

…

"This place really hasn't changed, has it" Nell asked no one in particular, as she looked about the boatshed

"Ladies and Gents, introducing 'Big stones' jones" Deeks said to all the support staff, as he noticed Nell walk in

"Hey… Been a while, Marty" Nell replied, glad to see a familiar face "You've met Grace… fair enough, she was a lot smaller last time any of you saw her" Nell continued, as she led Grace inside and over to one of the couches.

Once Grace was set up on the couch with her tablet, Nell moved over and gave Deeks a hug "Where's Kens?" She's over with Callen picking up Sam and Renko. Should be back pretty soon. Not sure I like you as a blonde"

"Was waiting for someone to say it. Thought I'd try something so I didn't look so much like 'Nell Jones', and more like a person you'd walk past without a second look" Nell replied

"Kens'll be so glad to see you. What you doing down here anyway, aren't you meant to be holed up in some super secret bunker?"

Nell then realised that Callen hadn't told anyone she was coming back to work.