CHAPTER 36

Monday afternoon, TAMC:

"Steve…can I ask you something?" Danny asked hesitantly.

"Um…I guess that depends on what it is. But go ahead," Steve said, confused by Danny's ambivalence.

"Does this have anything to do with…Johnston?"

Steve looked at Danny like he had grown another head. Of all the things Danny could have asked, why that? He had buried that deep into the back of his mind years ago. He had moved on, left it in the past. How did Danny know? Steve's ears were buzzing with an unidentifiable sound. He felt like the walls were closing in as his breathing became more rapid. He quickly schooled his features, not giving anything away. He used his combat breathing techniques to settle his breathing. He was focused on not letting anything out of the box.

"Steve?" Danny's concerned voice floated into his mind.

Steve shook himself. Danny was in front of him. His lips were moving, but he couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Yeah?" Steve said, his voice shaky.

"I asked if you were okay?" Danny replied, looking at his friend.

Clearly Steve had zoned out for a while. He had lost time, but he was calmer now, his breathing back to normal. Looking at Danny, Steve noticed his expression was expectant, like Steve was supposed to say something. It took him while to realise that Danny had asked him a question.

"Sorry, what was the question?" Steve said, his voice steadier than before.

"I asked you if you were okay. You kind of zoned out on me for a minute there," Danny supplied.

"I'm fine Danny. Must have been daydreaming. The drugs have been messing with me. What were we talking about?"

Danny didn't know if he should ask again, if that was Steve's reaction. But, he decided that whatever this was, it needed to be dealt with. And soon.

"Um…I asked you about Johnston. Who is he?"

Steve inhaled sharply. "Where did you hear that name?"

"You kind of…um…shouted it…when you were dreaming…" Danny explained haltingly.

'Ah, that explains it," Steve thought.

"I don't know, Danny. Could be anything. You know how dreams can be," Steve said nonchalantly, trying to deflect the conversation.

"You didn't just dream it, buddy. You also hallucinated it. Now, tell me, who is Johnston?" Danny pushed.

"Danny, don't…" Steve pleaded.

"Steve, your ordeal had obviously brought up some horrible stuff for you. You can't keep it bottled up forever. If you won't talk about it with me, you need to talk about it with someone," Danny said.

"It's…classified Danny. I can't…"

"That's a load of bullshit and you know it," Danny interrupted.

"Danny, don't make…"

"Look Steve. Tillman gave me a brief rundown. I know…" Danny managed before he was interrupted.

"He had no right to do that!" Steve growled in a low voice.

"I had a feeling something was wrong. You kept yelling out his name. I asked Tillman if he knew anything about it. I wanted to be able to help you, in case you had another nightmare. I just want to help Steve…" Danny pleaded.

Steve didn't say anything in response. He looked down at his injured arm and started playing with the strapping again. Danny sat down in the chair next to the bed, regretting having pushed the issue. Now, it seems, Steve has retreated further behind his walls. Still, Danny waited him out. After forty minutes of silence, just when Danny is ready to give up, Steve begins to talk.

"I can't tell you everything. It's still classified…" Steve began.

"I don't need to know the details, Steve. Just what it means to you," Danny said.

"I was part of a SEAL team sent in to extract a high-value target. Everything was messed up from the get-go. Our intel was off, our entrance not as covert as it should have been. We were ambushed. As soon as our boots hit the ground, we were under fire. Our commanding officer ordered for myself and Johnston to continue to the target location while the rest of the team distracted the hostiles. We went to move in that direction, but we were still pinned down. Johnston created a distraction and I was able to take down the two tangos shooting at us."

"It was Johnston's first mission as a SEAL. He was a few years younger than me and we instantly connected. He was like a younger brother. It turns out he was from Hawaii as well. He had this ridiculous mop of red hair that we had to cover with a hat, otherwise the enemy would spot us coming a mile away. We didn't need flares for anyone to find us, his hair did the job. He used his hair as a distraction more often than not, and it worked to our advantage, particularly that night…I remember when he first got assigned to our team. He was so excited for his first mission. We called him 'Dry Fish' or "Fish' for short, because he had this weird run that made him look like a fish drowning on dry land. If you thought I had some crazy ideas, it was nothing on what he came up with. He would tell us jokes to keep us awake on long missions, he would prank us, all sorts of things. He was always smiling, seeing the bright side of life, no matter what."

Steve took a moment to gather his emotions.

"He sounds like a great guy," Danny said quietly.

Steve nodded. "He was. Anyway, as soon as the tangos were down, we started walking towards the compound we were supposed to infiltrate. Then…he tripped on a root and that's when everything got really bad. He had managed to break his ankle, compound fracture. I tried to contact our team, but there was no response. We had lost radio contact. Johnston, he told me to leave him and complete the mission. We were alone, or so we thought. I was going to take the time to treat his wound, but before I knew it, we were surrounded. Somehow, they had managed to head us off. They knew the terrain better than us. We surrendered. They brought us back to their camp and locked us in some underground cellar of sorts. I remember how hot and stuffy it was in there."

Steve cleared his throat before continuing. "They tortured us, for days, but it felt like weeks. They asked the same questions over and over again. We told them nothing, even though I knew exactly what they wanted. Johnston, however, didn't. And the bastards knew it too. They dragged Johnston into the middle of the room and strung him up like a side of beef. They beat him, electrocuted him, water-boarded him, cut him; all to get me to talk. Johnston, however, remained stoic through it all. I can still hear the sound of his bones breaking when they hit him with pipes. I can still smell the burning flesh. The worst part was when they finally, finally killed him. Just before they snapped his neck, Johnston looked at me. All I could see was the fear in his eyes. There was nothing I could do…"

Steve wiped the tears from his eyes before continuing. Now that he had started, he found he couldn't stop.

"I don't really remember what happened after that. It's all a blur. I was aware, but also not. Somehow, I managed to break free of my restraints. I caught them by surprise. By that point, I had only ever killed anyone with a bullet from a distance. This was different. I remember the feel of snapping someone's neck for the first time. I kept telling myself it was for Johnston, for the man who had a fiancée to go back to. At some point I got my hands on a gun and started shooting anything that moved. I was numb. I didn't feel anything, no remorse or sympathy."

"I woke up in a hospital three days later. Apparently, my commanding officer found me a day after I had escaped. He had been shot in the leg and wouldn't see service again after that mission. According to him, I had managed to not only complete the mission in my rage, but also bring Johnston home. I later learned that none of the other SEALs survived, except for myself and my commanding officer. Four good men lost their lives and yet, they awarded me with medals and commendations, telling me what a good job I had done. I just remember the look on Johnston's parent's faces at the funeral, the heartbreaking cries of his fiancée. His parents actually thanked me, even though I got their son killed."

Danny sighed. It was about as bad as he had expected it to be. To hear his partner relive those gory details, to explain how it felt to take someone's life…it wasn't something he had expected to ever hear come out of the man's mouth. But, weirdly enough, Danny found he had a newfound respect for his partner and the way he dealt with whatever life threw at him.

"Steve…you can't blame yourself for this. Given the situation, you did the best you could. His parents thanked you for bringing him home, taking him away from that place. You brought them closure," Danny said.

"I know. I do. But he was my responsibility. He…It was my job to look after him, teach him and I failed," Steve said miserably.

"No, you didn't. You didn't fail him. You were with him, right until the end. You showed him strength, compassion and above all, you remember him and all he represented. There is no greater honour than that. You also completed the mission, making sure their deaths were worth it. You did your absolute best."

"Did I?" Steve asked, not sure if he should believe Danny.

"Yes. I know you did. If you were anything like the man you are now back then, then I know you did everything humanly possible in that horrible situation. You would do anything to protect other people. That's who you are. You are a good man, Steve. You have faced terrible things so that no one else has to. You've taken it all on yourself to protect everyone else, even those who don't deserve it. All of that, it takes a toll on a person. I for one, am thankful that you are in this world. But now it's time to look after yourself. You think that just pushing it down and covering it up will make it all go away, but it doesn't. We can clearly see that. You need to let it out. Talk to someone. Anyone."

Steve nodded, looking up at Danny with a small smile. "I've…uh…already made an appointment."

Danny was surprised, to say the least. "Wow…um… okay. Well, at least you listened to me for once."

"No, I didn't. I made that appointment before your really long pep talk," Steve replied with a small, arrogant smile.

"Well, you must've known that's what I was going to say, so you listened to me preemptively," Danny said.

The two men looked at each other before laughing. They laughed until they were red in the face and tears were streaming down their faces. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from their shoulders, like the last couple of weeks was just a distant memory. They kept laughing until Steve's still healing lung decided it wasn't such a good idea. By the time Steve had stopped coughing, the laughter had stopped.

Steve pinned Danny with a stern look. "What about Matt?"

"What about him?" Danny asked.

"What are you going to do? I mean, technically he is a free man now. Fuentes is gone, so he can come out of hiding. He's done his work for the FBI…Really, I just want to know if you are going to punch him or hug him."

"To be honest, I don't really care right now. I was more worried about you. He and I will definitely be having a talk. I'm mad at him. After all, this was really his fault. But I'm also just relieved that he's still alive, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. Besides, technically, it was the FBI's fault. They brought him into the mess in the first place," Steve argued. "Speaking of which, how is Kipton?"

"Kipton is actually recovering well. Kono told me they took him off life support two days ago. They think he will be making a full recovery. If you're not careful, he will be getting out of the hospital before you are," Danny said with a small smile.

"Not a chance. I will be out of here by Wednesday at the latest," Steve said proudly.

"Is that so, Commander?" came another voice from the doorway.

"Um…hi Doc," Steve said sheepishly.

Doctor Palamo entered the room, his arms crossed over his chest. "I don't think you will be leaving here until I say so. Unless you want a repeat of what happened last time?"

"Yeah, about that. Sorry. I had someplace I had to be," Steve said.

"I hope it was worth all the extra holes in your body?" the doctor asked.

Steve looked over at Danny and smiled. "It was definitely worth it."

They waited patiently while Doctor Palamo checked Steve over.

"Well, when can I go home?" Steve asked impatiently.

Doctor Palamo sighed. "Look, Commander. You need to realise that you have been injured, severely. You could have lost function of your arm. Hell, you could have died from the bullet hole in your side, not to mention potential brain damage. It's going to take a while to heal and you are just going to have to be patient and allow your body to rest."

"But, Doc. I can rest so much better at home. I promise to go home and not do anything to hinder my recovery," Steve said with an innocent look on his face.

"I'm pretty sure those are the exact same words you used to try and get out of here the first time." The doctor examined Steve carefully for a while. "Just give me a few more days to make sure the infection is gone. Then, if you can walk down the hallway and back without getting winded, I will release you to go home and rest. Don't push yourself back by trying too hard. The criminals will still be there when you get back. You have a very competent team behind you. I'm sure they can manage without you for a few weeks."

"Weeks?" Steve whined.

"Yes, a few weeks. Just because I will be releasing you doesn't mean you will be cleared for duty. And don't even think about it. I will be informing the Governor of your restrictions. I'm serious, Commander. You need to heal. I don't want to see you here again, unless it's through the visitor's entrance. Got it?"

Steve sighed. "Yeah, I understand. So, Wednesday?"

"You don't give up, do you?" Doctor Palamo smiled. "We'll see how it all looks on Wednesday."

"Fine," Steve said reluctantly.

"Come on, Steve. It won't be so bad. You can watch TV all day and sit on the beach and relax. Also, you won't have any excuse to miss any of your upcoming appointments," Danny said knowingly.

"I can think of nothing worse. I'm going to die of boredom," Steve whined.

"I'm sure we can find a way to make it more entertaining," Danny remarked.

Steve glared at Danny. Danny ignored the heated glare, grinning like Christmas had come early. The doctor chuckled as he left the room. He enjoyed the banter between the two men. He could almost imagine what it would be like with those two locked into the same room for days on end. Sometimes, he loved his job.

Monday afternoon, TAMC:

Steve made his way down the corridor, the IV pole dragging next to him. He was shuffling like an old man. It was humiliating, but he knew it was just his body adjusting to moving again after lying in a bed for so long. He made it to the end of the hallway before he knew it. He stopped to catch his breath. He hated that he got winded travelling one hundred metres at the speed of a snail.

He turned to head back to his room when he realised this hallway looked familiar. He glanced at the last room room in the corridor. It looked exactly the same as it had almost exactly a week ago. For some reason, he wanted to know if the old lady was still there. He distinctly remembered seeing her, he just couldn't remember why. Did he dream it?

He carefully cracked the door open, just in case she wasn't there. He didn't want to scare the person in the room. Although his bruises were almost gone, he still looked like roadkill. He was delighted when he saw the mop of white hair. Knocking on the door, he announced his presence. The older lady looked up from her magazine, probably the same one from a week ago, and looked over to see who was in the doorway. She squinted before her eyes widened in recognition. She smiled and waved Steve inside. Steve smiled back and stepped into the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Hello again, young man," the old woman said.

"Hi," Steve said shyly.

"I thought I told you I didn't want to see you back here so soon?"

"Well, um…funny story that," Steve said as he stood there awkwardly before sighing. "I'm sorry, I don't really know what I'm doing here…I'll just go."

"Nonsense, young man. Have a seat. Keep an old woman company," she said with a warm smile.

Steve sat down in the chair next to her bed. His body sagged with relief as he took the weight off his feet.

"Are you running away from the nurse again?" the old woman enquired.

"No. I just wanted to clear my head," Steve replied honestly.

"Uh huh. How did the sticky situation turn out?" she asked, not skipping a beat.

"Um…It actually worked out okay in the end. Everyone is safe again. Everything is back to the way it was," Steve said.

"What about you? Are you back to normal?" the inquisitive woman said, peering over her glasses at him.

Steve looked back at her, perplexed.

"Son, I knew it the moment I first laid my eyes on you. You are a troubled young man, with the world on your shoulders. You were drowning under it all, you still are. You need to go up to the surface and take a breath."

"But…what?" Steve stammered.

"You've served, haven't you?" the woman asked.

"Yes, ma'am. Navy," Steve replied.

"I thought so. You have that look about you. Make sure you look after yourself. You won't be able to help anyone if you kill yourself, you hear me? I don't want to hear that partner of yours rambling again."

"Danny? You've met him?" Steve sounded surprised.

The woman chuckled. "No, but you can hear him coming a mile off. Just promise me you will get the help you need, so you can look after your Ohana?"

Steve looked at the woman, wondering how she knew so much. Steve just nodded, promising he would do better.

"Good. Now I suggest you go back before your doctor sends out another search party for you," she said smiling.

Steve stood carefully, not wanting to irritate any of his injuries. "Thanks," he muttered, closing the door quietly behind him.

He shuffled back up the hallway towards his room. He knew he was far from healed, but he was better enough to start taking care of himself. The old woman was right. He needed to get his head right before he could continue looking after the people in his life.