Home for the Homeless 4

"The Cemetery"

Leaving Robin's was...disheartening to say the least. But she had to get going, not that she has anywhere to really get to, but still, it's not like they could have stayed all day playing house right? Granted, he's not going to work, nor Roland to school, but it's really not her place to invite herself to linger with them when she has nothing better to do.

Robin invited her though. He did. Almost bashfully in that punch you in the gut for being so damn adorable sort of way. She wonders momentarily as her heels click along the concrete what it would have felt like if she said yes. A fantasy, but still, she can almost picture the smile he'd have given her, nearly can feel the butterflies dancing in her stomach.

Which is crazy. They don't know one another. This is just a strange acquaintance between them and nothing more. Not even if he was flirting rather openly with her. And not even if she reciprocated the playful sparring match and bitten back smiles. She didn't knock on his front door in hope of finding a boyfriend. Which also sounds crazy. Robin doesn't fit the "boyfriend" title. He is more of a … ridiculously handsome, smolderingly sexy, doting daddy marrying type.

Distance. They need distance. Otherwise she is going to find herself in a heap load of stubble and blue eyes, and she can't focus on that right now. Nor on the way it might feel to kiss him. That is completely out of the question. She has no job. No money. No where to live. Locking lips with Mr. Locksley is certainly not a priority, even if it's feeling like a necessity.

It's all she can really think about as she walks, and walks, and walks, absentmindedly in no particular direction. It should be back towards the Motel, but she's heading west, the complete opposite way. And she doesn't honestly even recognize where her mind has taken her until it's smack in front of her eyes.

A willow tree with a single solitary swing swaying back and forth in the wind. For a moment she can almost hear his tiny giggle and the roaring laughter the chased behind. Little legs that scrambled in the grass faster than lightning in his own mind, whilst a lumbering monster wobbled in the near distance. How many hours did they spend playing on the front lawn she will never know. It seemed endless. From dawn till dusk. Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers. Hero and Villain over and over again until she'd call from the porch, and her two boys would come galloping up for lunch.

It's a wispy white memory that springs before her eyes as she stares at the swing. Brown hair flying in the wind, yellow rubber boots and an army shirt clung tight to a chubby body that squealed for his daddy to catch him. It always gave her a half heart attack every time she saw his little hands let go of the rope, the moment her baby boy launched himself into the air, suspended in time for a fraction of a second before landing softly into a pair of strong arms that always caught him.

The ghost of her family spins around the lawn, her eyes follow with every step they take towards their house. A place she hasn't seen in years. One she honestly never thought she would ever look upon again. Too many memories, both beautiful and devastating.

Squaring her shoulders, she exhales heavy, sniffing against the lump that forms in her throat and turns towards the front door.

It looks the exact same.

Navy blue panels, white trim, birch porch swing on the front, the massive windows open to the morning sun. It's a gorgeous house. It always was. Her dream home. The day they signed for it and took the keys was the day her life truly started. Just her and Daniel. Barely in their twenties with an entire life ahead of them, in their home. He'd demanded to carry her over the threshold, even as she rolled her eyes at him and commented how corny he was, he scooped her up, swung the door open wide and strided into the foyer with absolute pride in his green eyes.

They had no furniture yet. Nothing but a two mismatched cups Regina had dug out from a storage box, a blanket from Daniel's truck and a bottle of wine his parents had given as a housewarming present. That was it, and it was all she needed. A photo of that night used to sit on her bedside stand. Daniel's arms wrapped around her, his nose nuzzled into her cheek and she smiled up at the camera in her hand and snapped a quick picture, capturing their first night in their new home forever.

It would be at her parent's house now she supposes. Along with everything else she had boxed up and tucked away when the house was put on the market after Henry died. She needed the money to pay for the medical bills. But housing prices had crashed, and she was homeless before it even sold. She has no idea who bought it. It had gone into foreclosure when she couldn't make the mortgage, and if it did sell, well her mother never mentioned it. Regina's parents had paid the down payment, a gift mostly from her father, and well her mother never let them forget who truly owned the place.

She leans up against the front gate, toys with the latch absently as she stares at the dark cherry wood door, wondering who lives inside now. What family gets to put up their Christmas tree in the den, have breakfast in her kitchen, play in the tree house Daniel and his father built for Henry in the backyard. Someone has a life here. It's their home now. She just a previous resident.

It would take her years to build up enough savings to even think about buying a house again. She needs this job interview tomorrow to go well. It has too. Dinner for the next week is riding on it. And she's not one for being nervous, but it's been a long time since she's had to talk about herself in that way. Express her smarts and hope someone takes an interest in her. A daunting task to say the least when she hasn't had a job in five years.

"Regina?."

She freezes mid thought at the voice behind her. One she hasn't heard in what feels like forever.

"My girl is...is that you?"

A tentative hand reaches to touch her hand clenched against the gate. And the second the feeling of his hand encompasses her, the tears that are burning her eyes burst down her cheeks. It takes less than a second before she's completely wrapped up in his arms, the smell of peppermint and cigars muddling her brain as his low sotto voice whimpers and rocks her gently.

She hugs him back fiercely, burying her face into the soft wool of his scarf, melting into his arms. His fingers card through her hair, a hand runs up and down her back as he hushes her tears.

"It's alright darling, I'm here." A kiss is pressed into her temple as he moves back to find her eyes, swollen and red as they are, and she's met with equal emotion in a matching pair of brown. "I've missed you so much Regina." His thumb swipes away at her tears.

He looks the same, older and more grey, a few extra wrinkles around his eyes, less hair on the crown of his head as he slips off his charcoal hat, but still. "I've missed you too daddy." Her voice shakes against a new onslaught of gathering wetness in her eyes, the lump in her chest swallowing up her ability to breathe.

"I'm so sorry Regina." He frowns down at their locked hands rather guiltily, "I am so sorry I wasn't there for you."

She hasn't seen him in years. Work had taken him across the ocean to Africa to work in a refugee camp. It was only supposed to be for eight months. But the last letter she received had been full of apologies that he wasn't going to make it home for Henry's fifth birthday, nor would he be back for Christmas. There was just too many people that needed aide and his heart far to soft and whole to turn his back on them. She understood. Still does. But his absence in those last years of Henry's life had been enormous.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." She tries to smile, squeezing his old hands in her own. He sighs with a shake of his head, "I should have come home sooner."

"You didn't know."

And he didn't. In all honesty she had been so involved in being there for Henry that the time to write her father had gone to the waste side, she figured her mother would have said something to her husband. Clearly that never happened.

"I wasn't there for you or Henry and I should have been. I should have taken care of you both."

It's his heavy sniff and watery eyes that have Regina tugging him into another hug, holding him tight as he cries quietly into the lapel of her coat. She wishes he was there. Things would have been easier if he was. But she can't change the past.

"You were gone Regina. Both of you."

"I know daddy. I'm sorry."

"There is nothing for you to apologize for. I am your father. I should have been there."

She's at a loss for words, just hugs him harder instead.

"Can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive."

He smiles, finally. Sad and sorrowful as it is. "When I came back, your mother told me what happened to Henry. She said you left."

A lie, but what else would Regina expect from her mother.

"Where did you go?"

It's a loaded question. She technically went nowhere. But he is already filled with such guilt and regret she can't possible tell him the truth. At least not today. Perhaps another time if she can find the courage inside to tell her father how low she had sunk, how much she had lost, and how lost she still is.

"I stayed in the city."

"Where? I looked for you."

"You did?"

"Everywhere. I called your work, they said you had taken time off after Henry's death and hadn't been in for a year. I came here, all your stuff was gone, packed in your mother's garage, a for sale sign on the house. I was so worried."

"I'm sorry. I should have called."

Though it's not like she had a cell phone. And whatever money she had went to food not a payphone. What would she have even said? Hi Daddy, I'm homeless. Her father is a proud man, fiercely proud of his daughter, it would have crushed him if he knew she slept behind a concrete wall in the subway, living off of dollar bills strangers pitifully gave to her.

"How come you're here?"

His grey brows arch high at her question, a flicker of confusion passing over his face as he scans her own, "I live here now."

Well that she wasn't expecting. "Here? In this house?"

"I couldn't let your mother sell it."

"You bought it?"

Her eyes spin to the front door, "You bought my house." She breathes out in disbelief. Part of her family still lives here. Tears sweep into her eyes. She hasn't lost everything inside. The memories are still there.

"Does mother live here too?"

"Gods no. I left your mother after it came out that she left you and Henry alone at the hospital."

Regina frowns as she turns back to her father. He wasn't ever a man to take on Cora head on. She ruled the roost so to speak, he and Regina simply residents in her kingdom. Sometimes she'd wondered why her father had married Cora in the first place. They had nothing in common from what she knew, Cora could barely stand to be in the same room as him if she wasn't ordering him around. It was nothing like her marriage to Daniel. That was a partnership. One that had love so real it was palpable.

"Wow."

"I know, seems I grew a spine in my old age." He chuckles and squeezes Regina's hand. "Now, would you like to come in?"

She would. But walking through that front door means confronting everything she'd lost.

"I can't."

She feels him sag beside her as he nods understandingly. "Perhaps another time."

Yes. Another time, when she is ready to walk through the door and see the ghost of her life long ago. "Where are you staying now?"

"Uhm, on the east side."

Her father's brow creases. That part of town isn't exactly safe and secure from what he knows. And clearly by the shameful look on his daughter's face there is more to the story than she is letting him in on. Building back this relationship will have to take some time. When she is less afraid of judgement he would never pass on her.

"Here, take my phone. Call anytime." He presses his cell into her hand. "Daddy I can't, you need it."

"Oh please, I can get another. It would make me feel better knowing that we have a way to talk again."

"I'd like that."

She smiles, and he wraps her up in a hug once more. "I know I failed you once before Regina, I won't allow it to happen again."

"Thank you Daddy."

"And I mean it. I know that number off by heart, you should be expecting my calls every day."

"Can't wait."

"Where are you headed now?"

Oh right. She was going somewhere. It was supposed to be back to the motel so she could spend the afternoon looking over her potentially new companies records and history for the interview tomorrow.

"To the cemetery actually."

"You're going to go see Henry?"

Well that she isn't sure about yet. But something or rather someone is pulling her that way. Leading her heart to a place she never thought she'd step foot in.

"He's beside Daniel. Beneath the oak tree on the south hill. I had an epitaph made for him."

Her heart crumbles in on itself. "You...you did?" The tears run hot down her cheeks once more as she stares disbelieving at her father who simply smiles and tips his hat, "I owed it to him, to both of you."

"Thank you."

"Always. I mean that."

Sniffing hard, she wipes the last of the tears away, "Do you want to have dinner sometime?"

"I'd love it. How about tomorrow? I'll cook."

"You can cook?"

"The single life has made me quite aware how terrible a chef I used to be."

That has Regina chuckling. "You made great paella."

"I still do. It's on the menu for dinner."

She hugs her father once more, soaking in as much of him as she can, not really believing that he is here and she is actually talking to him, holding him, having a second chance to have a part of her family back.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

.

..

…

..

.

Her heart thunders in her throat as the cemetery gate comes into view. Tall and looming, holding all the things she fears most within it. She can feel the tears begin to burn the backs of her eyes with every step she takes, the breath in her lungs running tight and dry. Maybe she isn't brave enough today to do this. To walk alone through the rows of headstones, with flowers laid gently against them, the people long lost to those who still love them resting below.

Her feet stutter against the pavement, her hands resting heavy on the iron bars. She swallows hard against the lump in her throat at the thought of both her husband and son being beyond these gates. It's too much. She's not ready yet. Not today.

Opting against walking inside, she sits down on a wooden bench beside the opening, knees bouncing uncontrollably on the sidewalk. Chewing on her lip in an attempt to stifle the sob that threatens to escape she fumbles with the hem of her jacket, closing her eyes and tips her head back to the sky. For a long moment she just lets the sun warm her skin, and dry the tears on her cheeks.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

It's a repetitive mantra that runs through her mind. Just breathe. This place isn't going anywhere. She can come back another day. When the fear of seeing her baby boy's name emblazoned on a tombstone won't have her spine crumbling into the dirt.

"Regina! You came!"

She turns enough to see Roland's hand escaping Robin's and his little legs thundering towards her. He throws himself into her arms before she's really ready to catch him, and they tumble gently back into the bench with a laugh. "I just knew you'd come!"

Well, it's not like she was planning on it, nor is she still planning on walking through those gate, but this little boy is so happy to see her, hugs her so tight it has her heart stumbling over itself as she squeezes him back. Between them, a bouquet of white lilies squishes and Regina inhales heavy at their perfume smell. She loves lilies. Daniel used to bring her a dozen of them every friday.

"Regina?"

She peers down at Roland who is eyeing her up curiously with those big brown button eyes.

"Why are you sad?"

Can't get anything past children can you? They are far too perceptive even at their young age. She sniffs and sighs, running her hands through his hair. And her heart melts when little hands come up to pat her last few tears on her cheeks away. He is far too sweet for his own good, and for her own good. She is falling in love with this boy and it's only been one day. A few hours really, and she's completely head over heels for his dimples and toothy grin.

"Honestly, I'm a little afraid." She smiles shyly at him.

"Why?"

"Well," She swallows heavily, securing her arms around his legs straddled on her lap. "It's been a really long time since I've been at this cemetery." Roland looks at her confused, scanning her face with a tiny frown. "You know how your mom is in there?" He nods. "I have people in there too. Two people I loved very very much."

"And you're scared to see them?"

A tear falls as she lets a heavy breath go, her eyes closing as she leans into the mop of brown hair, "Yes." She feels Robin sit down beside them, enough space that they aren't shoulder to shoulder, but his thigh brushes up against hers gently. "Roland, do you remember the first time we came here after Mommy died?"

Roland nods again.

"Do you remember how scared were both were?"

"Yeah."

"And do you remember what Grandma told us?"

"She said we had to be brave like Mommy was."

"You're right." He ruffles his son's hair with a smile. "And are you scared to go visit your mother now?"

"Nope! Because we get to talk to her lots."

"Exactly."

Regina gives Robin a watery smile as Roland tucks into her chest for another hug. "It's okay to be afraid Regina. Papa and I will help you." Her heart bashes into her ribs when Robin too leans in, wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes softly. How is it possible that in a single day the two of them have managed to weasel their way past her defenses and straight into her heart? It's an overwhelming feeling of gratitude she has for this man again. He doesn't have to be doing any of this. Letting her into his family like they've been friends for decades. But it feels natural, which is odd to her. To want to be held and soothed by the both of them. Friends were never something Regina had much of, nor did she think she'd ever have any again.

For a long while they sit on the bench together, quiet as Regina rocks Roland side to side, his hands patting on her chest softly with each breath. It's really a beautiful day, and she doesn't want to ruin it for them. This is a special place for Robin and Roland. Being the dark cloud on such a bright sunny day is the last thing she wants to be.

Stealing her nerves, and finding the courage that Henry had, she hugs Roland tight once more before leaning back, into the side of Robin's chest, feeling the thumping of his heart on her back. "Will you hold my hand?" She asks quietly. And it was a question for Roland, but she feels Robin's fingers trace over her palm and lace into her own.

"Yep!" Roland grins, and hops off her lap, grabbing her free hand, oblivious to other already being held by his father. "I'll show you where Mommy is." She stands on wobbly legs, shaking slightly as they begin to walk towards the opening of the cemetery. The moment Roland steps inside, Regina feels her feet freeze to the spot, this is it. Once she is in, there is no turning back.

"It's okay, I promise you." Robin whispers into her hair, clutching her hand tightly as she lets a trembling breath go with a nod, her tears back in full force as she lets father and son guide her on the stone path and past the iron gate. She doesn't look anywhere. Just down at her feet that walk slowly along the cobblestone, winding left and right, past the rows and rows of headstones.

It's silent here. Not a single sound but their feet clicking on the walkway. But all she can hear is her heart pulsing in her ears as they turn left and step onto the grass. Roland lets her hand go first, skipping towards a dark brown granite headstone. Robin stills beside her, squeezes her hand and watches his boy lay the bouquet of flowers down as he sits on the grass beside his mother. He can hear his boy chattering quietly to the clouds, but his eyes are locked onto the profile of Regina. She's beautiful. He already knew that, but for some reason, the light is casting a glow over her features in a way he wasn't exactly prepared for. The chocolate of her hair shines in dark and light highlights, eyes whiskey gold, red rimmed and filled with tears that fall silently onto perfect olive skin, down pink tinted cheeks and past ruby parted lips.

It steals the breath right out of him. It's not love at first sight. He's seen her a hundred times before. But something in his gut balloons and pops in his chest. A feeling he hasn't felt since he met Marian. After their fourth date, she had smiled shyly at him on her doorstep, blushing furiously as she fumbled with her keys. He'd simply stood there, enamoured by her everything and he when her door finally cracked open, this exact same feeling overwhelmed him. It had been the first time they kissed. When she bid him a bashful good night, his heart slammed against his chest, fighting furiously to not let her hand go just yet, taking over his entire being for a moment and he kissed her and that bubble in his stomach erupted euphorically.

It was the first time he knew he loved her. That she would one day be his wife. That he would spend the rest of his life being so bloody grateful to kiss her every morning and every night. But he barely knows Regina. Knows nothing really about her. And yet this feeling is boiling over once more. And for the first time in what feels like years, a sense of hope tickles his spine. Perhaps he's found a second chance.

"Regina, come meet my mom!" Roland squeals in front of them, waving them both to sit down by Marian's headstone. Robin steps first, keeps his hand locked tightly into Regina's and guides her slowly towards his son. He doesn't even let her go when he settles down on the grass, her knees bumping against his as she sits down half sideways so Roland can slide into her lap. "Mommy, this is Regina. She's my new friend!" He smiles all dimpled up to her, proud as a peacock to introduce them both.

For a half second, Regina isn't sure what to say. It's rather strange to talk to someone you've never met, who can't exactly talk back. "It's nice to meet you Marian." She smiles at the name emblazoned on the stone, imagining the woman in the photo's she saw earlier this morning. A beautiful smile, bright brown eyes like her son, and matching curly hair. Regina imagines her voice being light and soft, a gentle soul that would match her family.

Robin runs a palm along the stone, his own quiet greeting as he sighs. He misses her. That much Regina can plainly see. While this may be a chance for Roland to feel like he is close to his mother, Regina understands it is also a moment for Robin to heal. A love he lost far too soon. She knows that feeling. Her heart aching as she hears him sniff, running his hand over his eyes and blinking back his own tears. She grips the one that is still linked in her own, squeezing gently in some sort of comfort she hopes he can feel. If they are helping her, she will do her damndest to reciprocate the feeling. He grins, clutches her fingers tight before releasing and lingering.

They spend an hour there, Regina listening to every story Roland regails about his mom, how she used to make the best apple pancakes on Sunday mornings, the stories she read him at night, his favorite being Peter Pan. That stills Regina. It was Henry's most treasured fairytale too. Her eyes drift off to the horizon, over to a hill and a tall oak tree. It seems impossibly far away and yet so close she swears she can hear his small laugh whispering on the wind around her. Tears burn and fall without her control. A sob escaping as she stares out at the two distant headstones where her family lays.

"Are you alright?"

Robin leans into her, tipping his head enough to catch her gaze that wanders out into the distance. For a moment he wonders if it is simply too much for her to be here. A cemetery isn't exactly the happiest of places after all. But the way she shrinks, shoulders sagging in her blazer as her face falls into her knees has his heart cracking in the most horrid of ways. She's lost someone too.

He should have known. Guilt washes over him as her shoulders shake through her tears. Without really thinking if she'd want it, his arms wrap around her, sliding her back into his chest, his fingers winding their way through her hair, tucking her in tight as she turns into his jacket, clutching at the lapels and cries, harder than he ever imagined a person could.

Roland crawls his way over, frowning dismally as Robin sways Regina back and forth, running a free hand up and down her arm softly. They lock eyes, father and son, and Robin nods at Roland's silent question. He adjusts Regina, opens his arms enough to have his boy climbing onto his lap and nestling his face into the crook of Regina's neck. Her hands subconsciously wrapping around his tiny body instantly as he buries himself into her chest.

Robin sighs, presses a kiss to the crown of Regina's head, kicks himself internally because that is probably too far, but his heart needs to comfort her, needs to soothe the torment that wracks her body. And for what it's worth, she doesn't even seem to notice the affection, which is probably for the best. "It's okay Regina. Don't cry." He hears Roland's tiny voice whispering out against her skin. "Don't be sad."

His eyes flick over to Marian's headstone and a single tear escapes Robin as his leans his cheek down to rest against Regina's head. He misses his wife, so bloody much some days it hurts. But he can see her. The way she would be smiling and giving him that look. The one he knew came from her heart. She always said how good he was. How big is heart was, the way he loved and protected those around him. It was one of the many things she loved about him. Understood about him. And he cherishes her for it.

"I'm sorry." Regina sniffs beneath him, straighten her back as she moves upright, wiping away her tears into the sleeve of her jacket. She's embarrassed. He can feel it exuding off her. And there is nothing for her to be ashamed about. Emotions as the driving force of human nature. He'd have to be an absolute git to make her feel as though she should be humiliated by them. Pain is real. Loss is real. And it's not something that goes away. Even though everyone says time heals all wounds. Some are just too deep, they bleed to much out of the soul for it to ever be truly stitched and healed again.

"There is nothing to be sorry for." He brushes her hair back, smiling softly as her eyes fall from his and to their conjoined hands behind Roland's back. She doesn't believe him. He can see it in the vacancy in her eyes as she shrugs and swallows heavily. He moves. Wriggles his hand that holds her to him free and tips her chin up to meet his.

And it hits him again. That exploding fireworks of unexpected feeling. Even all snotty nosed, red rimmed eyes and dismal gaze, she is beyond stunning. Down to the little sniff and scrunch of her nose, it all has his heart waddling up out of his throat and flying into her lap.

"Regina. Look at me."

She does, barely, but her eyes flick momentarily up to him, briefly caught in the bright blue colour. "It's alright. You can cry. No one here would think less of you for it."

Well shit. Her tears flood once more. How can he be this good. This pure to a complete stranger. Holding her in his arms, his son squished between them, providing her with the one things she's never truly had since Daniel died. Safety. She bites down on her lip that shakes terribly as she nods, and sinks back into his chest.

"Thank you."

"Always."

He means it. She can feel it. The way he says it, how his arm curls around her waist once more and tugs her even closer to him. He's already seen her at her lowest. Dirt riddled, messy haired, bony and begging against a cement block. Even in that state not once did she ever feel him judging her for where she was, or who she was. He is quite possibly aside from the old woman at the bakery, the only person who actually saw her for being the exact same thing, a person. Not a homeless women with a rumpled hat and a few quarters inside.

Sighing she sits back up, runs a hand over Roland's back and turns her eyes back out to the hillside. It's now or never.

"Hey, Roland?"

He tips his head up with a grin.

"Would you like to meet my son?"

TBC.