Slipping out of sleep, little by little. For these times, Yasuo felt rather well rested after the night. A good sign, from sleeping with Yi by his side. Indeed it really soothing and enjoyable to wake in someone's arms.

It was the case this morning – if he was correct about the time. Familiar presence, so close. With each new day he could appreciate how this embrace looked like a protective one. Keeping him pressed to Yi's front, small gestures to lull his sleep.

With the waking came also the different sensations of the latest day. So then, the ache after being fucked. Could still feel it, enough to bring a soft pink to his cheeks. They made love and Yasuo had yet to realize. A bit of a first time, actually. At least for Yi. Damn. Sure, the blush got darker at the thought. So as to hide this increasing fluster, he tightened the embrace between him and the latter.

In return, a hand came to gently caress his cheek : « Hello, my love. Did you sleep well ? »

« Yes... » Still caught my sleep but it would go away soon.

Yasuo supported himself on an elbow, enough to seek a kiss. Not matter what Yi would give him, he would love it. The kiss was slow, nothing rushed in this calm time. Mmmh good.

After they parted, Yi spoke again on a soft tone, embrace shifting so they were on the same level : « I'm glad you're rested now. You seemed so exhausted last night, even fell asleep before I joined you. »

It sounded more amused and fond than a real remark. But Yasuo still felt the need to apologize for this : « Ahhhh I'm sorry about this ! I swear, I wish I didn't pass out so fast. But was it good for you ? »

« Oh it wasn't a matter, don't worry. I took care of it and went to bed. » Like a triviality, nothing bad.

At least Yi wasn't mad at him for that. But he didn't answer the question : « No. I mean, did it feel good ? I couldn't wait and ask if you needed help. »

That new silence wasn't expected, not from Yi. So it caught his attention, searching his gaze. The latter looked a bit confused, for his words.

« Why would I need your help ? I told you, I don't need. » Direct, nothing more.

« What ? But...it didn't change anything ? It wasn't good ? »

Sudden doubt, what if he was wrong ? He was certain Yi took his part in it, since he was able to fuck him. No ?

Surely Yi sensed that change of mood, serious topic. Tried to understand, still that confused expression : « It was interesting, really ! And I'm so glad to see you so satisfied, I loved each second of it. Why then ? I thought you wanted to share more. I wasn't enough ? »

It ended on a worried note, even him could hear it. Little by little, a sort of tension settled down.

« You were good, don't worry ! That's not the question. It's just...you didn't got any pleasure ? »

The look crossing Yi's expression killed him a little. It was obvious, he had the answer but he also knew this wouldn't be nice for Yasuo to hear. But he never lied, so he would have to answer.

« …I didn't. I don't understand why it hold such importance for you, nothing requires you to return this. All I ask is to see you happy. »

So this hit deep. What an act of selfishness, to take pleasure and think it was obviously given back. It wasn't good for Yi. No matter what he said to reassure him. And I went to sleep without making sure...

And the latter wasn't even angry at him, because he didn't know what he missed. Despite himself, Yasuo couldn't bear the embrace knowing everything was given with affection while he couldn't return a damned thing.

Let go, sitting up as he still made an effort to face Yi. This was really starting to worry his lover, following the moves. He reached for Yasuo, just to lay a hand on the closest point which was his thigh.

« This is not making you happy... »

Hated this, how clear it was that Yi struggled to understand. Some questions were difficult for him, Yasuo knew that. Matters beyond him. The latter relied on observation, if he saw something wrong he tried his best. But right now it wasn't his fault. Only Yasuo's regrets.

My fault. All this tasted like a bitter reminder of the first time Yi helped him, before they even imagined having feelings. Merely took pleasure, gave nothing in return. I used him... Horrible, to see the latter always so gentle, helpful but unaware of the advantage taken. And he didn't mind at all. This was making Yasuo sick of his own behavior. Love was supposed to be mutual, equally returned.

As this wave of negativity took over, Yi came closer and embraced him again. Tight. Hands over his shoulder and head, the kind of hug to soothe someone panicking. Was he ? Maybe, yes.

Lingering fear, convinced of not being as good as the latter always said.

Though, he didn't fight this embrace. Let it happen, while instinct screamed this wasn't right to be held this way. So he couldn't really return it, a bit unfair. Stiff, in Yi's arms, unable to calm down.

« I'm sorry, I thought last night was what you wanted. That sharing such sexual activity was what you requested. I was wrong. » A tone aching to bring happiness back.

« It's my fault, don't...not yours. I shouldn't use you like this, it's wrong. » Saying it aloud was even worse, difficult to bear.

It made Yi react, in any case. Hands moved to either side of his face, bringing him to eye contact. Impossible to look away without forcing. So Yasuo met his gaze and he wished he could escape it. Soft sadness, begging silently. Anything.

« Use me... ? » As to make sure of the words. « Yasuo, stop this. You're talking about that one time I helped you, aren't you ? »

Small nod but at this short distance, Yi couldn't miss it. Pain in his chest, for failing his lover.

« How many times shall I remind you ? I have free will. I do what I wish and no one would ever force me into something. I brought you pleasure because I wanted to. Is that such a wrong idea ? »

Clear, loud, like anything Yi would advice. Yasuo didn't know what to say. He knew the latter wanted to give but how could he explain the emptiness of only being able to receive ?

« No... I like it. Everytime. But it's so unfair for you. » Head resting at last against his lover's shoulder, a sort of acceptance, need for help.

Yi was fast to take this desperate urge for contact, welcoming him closer. Some silence followed too before he spoke again.

« Life isn't always fair. Would it...would it change anything if I was able to experience pleasure ? »

Just this possibility. A dream. Yasuo yearned this hypothesis, of a way to give everything back.

« Yes. I think it would. Do you know a way... ? »

He didn't dare to hope, it could hurt himself just to imagine. Still, he payed attention. Now, despite himself, Yasuo's hands came to rest around the latter, returning the hug though it wasn't as strong on his part. A mere craving for affection.

« Not really. More like an idea, to confirm. I can't be sure so soon. » Since the embrace was returned, Yi seized the occasion to pull him till they fell flat on the mattress.

« Ow... »

A bit of surprise for the move but it was smothered as quick by lips leaving tiny pecks against his neck, cheek to finish by claiming his mouth. Hands roamed freely, a reminder that indeed Yasuo was still fully naked. But this was nice. An effort from Yi to soothe him, find any distraction to take him out of this sad mood.

So he let go, relished the feeling of affection peppered all over his skin. It worked, little by little, melting under such sweet attention.

Yasuo's heart ached less, as the latter made sure not to let him drown in useless guilt. This morning wasn't so lost.

I have to find a way. It's too important. Not only for him and his curiosity but for Yasuo.

Saw how his lover worked himself up about this matter. For Yi, it wasn't a question of life and death but he started to realize his pain. This peculiar worry Yasuo had wasn't new, he saw it before, many times. It was always strange to see someone having regrets for being given nice things. Affections didn't seem to be a problem, since he could return it equally.

But pleasure was a whole new question.

Yi always did his best to see his lover happy. And this seemed to be a step to this objective. Or it would be the opposite and make him feel worse. Not really understandable on his part, to witness guilt over something like this.

This curiosity about pleasure wasn't so old. Of course, hearing how some of his peers enjoyed sexual activities, it left him wondering. About pleasure itself, how it must feel. Mortals enjoyed it a lot, seeking it by many ways.

The same day he asked Yasuo about other displays of affection, he was innerly hoping this could be possible. Who knew ? Maybe he could try and feel it.

Till then, it didn't happen. But he still wanted to and now Yasuo wished he could return what he received. So this would be good for both.

Then came the real question : how ?

There was a way, he was sure. Or Dusk and Dawn wouldn't be able to enjoy it so much. Why have sex when there was nothing to find in it ? Maybe just to imitate mortals but he doubted it was the case. They found pleasure there.

Also, Yi had an idea how they managed to do this. A mere hypothesis but he couldn't make an attempt by himself. So it was ineluctable he would have to ask them. Maybe not the two of them at once, it would be far too noisy and mortifying.

I'll ask Xayah. Rather sure she would give some advice without a lot of fuss, useless remarks.

Loud inner sigh. This wasn't going to be fun. But sometimes it was important to make a small sacrifice for the best things.