Colonel Hogan waited in the eerie stillness of the tunnel for Newkirk to return with the spies. He usually made it a custom to introduce himself right off when strangers arrived. Only this time, he wasn't alone. The rest of the heroes had grown so curious and anxious over the mysterious message, none of them could get any sleep. Instead, they shuffled about around the ladder, whispering nervously among themselves.
"Would you men settle down? All this uneasiness could wake Schultz from a dead sleep," Hogan muttered.
"Sorry, Colonel," LeBeau mumbled without offering an explanation.
Seconds later, a wild shriek sounded over their heads. Everyone in the tunnel leapt to attention as the tree stump lid was thrown aside and Newkirk climbed, or rather fell, down the ladder at record pace. With trembling hands and a face whiter than Klink's bedsheets, he struggled to his feet.
"Newkirk!" Hogan scolded, "what were you thinking, yelling like that? You could've botched the entire mission!"
"That would've been quite fine w' me, sir," Newkirk stammered, pulling his black cap off and wringing it in his hands. "You should see 'em, Colonel. They're bloody monsters!"
"Monsters, eh?" LeBeau mocked, "Do they have three eyes and green skin?"
"You ain't far off, mate," Newkirk mumbled.
"Hey, this trapdoor is neat-o!" rang a voice from up above.
"Herman, be quiet before you give away our position!" snapped another voice. "Now keep your big mouth shut and follow me!"
"Down there?"
"No, to the treetops. Yes, down here!"
Seconds later, the shadow of a man appeared over the tunnel entrance and began descending the ladder. Newkirk groaned silently and backed as far into the shadows as he could. When the stranger hit the ground, the rest of the heroes stared at him with astonished curiosity. The newcomer was dressed in a white button-down shirt and coattails and wore his hair in a widows' peak. The most unusual thing about him was the face- he was green! And it almost seemed as if two fangs protruded from his mouth, but it must've been the low light. He took a second to observe his new surroundings.
"Marvelous tunnels you boys have here," he began, "reminds me of the catacombs I used to play in when I was a little boy!"
The heroes shared uneasy glances. Hogan extended his hand in greeting.
"Welcome to our humble home. I'm Colonel Hogan."
"Ah, so you're the colonel I've heard so much about lately," the stranger replied, taking Hogan's extended hand. He flipped the Colonel's hand palm-up and gazed at it for a moment before letting go.
"I'm Count Dracula, but most people just call me Grandpa. I assume London's told you about me?"
Before Hogan could answer, the moonlight from overhead disappeared completely as a giant figure squeezed through the tunnel entrance, shutting the stump over his head. All the heroes instinctively backed as far away as they could.
"Herman, would you hurry up and get down here?" Grandpa scolded.
As if in response, a ladder rung snapped under the giant's monstrous boot. Herman crashed to the ground, causing the entire tunnel structure to quiver. Hogan clutched the nearest support as dirt rained down on his head, worried the tunnel would cave in on them.
"Fiddlesticks!" growled Herman as he heaved himself back on his feet. He had to stoop to keep from hitting the overhead supports. Brushing the dirt off his jacket, he glared up at the tunnel entrance.
"Dumb ol' ladder," he huffed before sticking his tongue out at the broken rung.
"Herman, will you stop goofing off? This is a very important mission."
"What did I tell you chaps?" Newkirk muttered.
Indeed, Herman was an even darker shade of green than Grandpa, and the face looked as if it'd been run over by a tank! Hogan decided to skip the handshake for this one. The last thing he needed was any broken bones. Instead, he swallowed his nerves and cut right to the chase.
"I understand you have important information to pass on to London?"
"Hey, that's right! How'd you fellas know?" Herman chuckled.
"Herman, just keep quiet and let me do the talking," Grandpa said before addressing Hogan.
"That's right. We have the blueprints for a destructive new missile the Germans are working on. We have to carry it to London ourselves because I played a big part in inventing it and only I know how it works."
"Alright. We'll arrange for a sub to pick you up tomorrow. In the meantime, make yourselves comfortable down here."
"You mean we're safe down here?" Herman asked.
LeBeau ventured a few steps closer. The tiny corporal had to strain to look Herman in the face. "Oui, no Kraut'll ever find this place."
Herman broke into a wide grin. "Oh, goody. Did you hear that, Grandpa? We're safe! I'm so happy, I could burst!"
Laughing like a maniac, Herman scooped LeBeau up in an overwhelming bear hug and spun him in a circle.
"Put me down!" cried LeBeau in a muffled voice, kicking uselessly at the behemoth that held him. The rest of the heroes could only watch in stunned silence.
"Herman!" snapped Grandpa, "this is no time for celebration. We're still in Germany, yet. Put that corporal down and behave yourself."
Herman scowled and dropped his captive. LeBeau hit the ground and scurried to his former hiding place with a sigh of relief. Grandpa addressed Hogan again.
"Now that we're here, do you have a place for us to perch for the night? We're bushed!"
Hogan nodded. "Certainly. Carter, why don't you show our guests to their quarters?"
"M-me, Colonel?"
"That's right," snorted Newkirk, "unless you need someone to show you the way!" Carter gulped before heading off towards the guest quarters, beckoning for Herman and Grandpa to follow.
"These tunnels of yours really are a work of art," Grandpa remarked as they left. "You didn't happen to run into anybody while building them, did you?"
When they had gone, LeBeau shook his head in disbelief.
"What you think of that, Colonel?" he asked.
"I think sneaking this pair out of camp is going to be a lot harder than it was getting them in," Hogan replied. As he and the heroes mused on this, Sergeant Olson hurried around the corner.
"Colonel, you better see this. Hochstetter just drove in." Hogan groaned. That was the last name he needed to hear, especially at a time like this. Still; he, Newkirk, LeBeau, and Kinch followed Olson back to the barracks to listen in on the latest flurry of furious demands.
[ - - ]
A weary Klink rubbed his red eyes as he settled behind his desk. Why did the Gestapo always call in the middle of the night? Couldn't they at least wait until morning to storm his camp? Major Hochstetter's screams were not the most pleasant alarm clock. While he struggled to keep his head from hitting the desk, Hochstetter paced from the window to the filing cabinet and back again.
"Klink, a few hours ago, a couple of very dangerous men vent missing. Zese men designed a very powerful missile for use against the Allies, but a few days ago, they were placed under observation for suspicion of treason to ze Third Reich. This evening, zey grabbed the blueprints to the missile and vanished."
Despite the fog in his brain, Klink chuckled. "So, you lost your precious prisoners? Very careless, Major! I never have that problem here at Stalag—"
Hochstetter slammed his gloved hand on the desk so hard the wood splintered.
"I AM NOT INTERSETED IN YOUR PETTY ACHIEVEMENTS, KLINK!"
Klink gulped and sank deeper in his chair. Hochstetter continued.
"Ve have reason to believe zese men are in zis area. We've had reports of screams from some of ze townsfolk."
"So? What are a couple of screams? Probably just local pranksters." Klink mocked. Hochstetter leaned over the desk so far Klink had to push his chair back to avoid the major's hot breath.
"Klink, vould you like to lead zis investigation, or shall I?"
"Oh, not me, Major. You're doing a splendid job."
"ZEN SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK!"
Klink folded his hands in his lap and squeezed his jaw shut.
"As I vas saying, I have reason to believe ze men I am searching for are in zis area. Zey may try to take shelter in Stalag 13. Until zese men are found, Klink, you vill double your guards around ze perimeter and double ze roll calls."
"Major, I must protest! This is my stalag and I make the rules here!"
Hochstetter fixed Klink with an intense stare that made Klink shift uneasily.
"Whatever you ask, Major. Double the guards and double the roll calls."
Sitting beside the coffee pot microphone in his own quarters, Hogan groaned. Now it would be impossible to get these crazy characters anywhere.