Whoever said to make the impossible possible clearly didn't know that it was impossible… that or they were a Yukinoshita.
As my vision blurred and the black ink on the page melted into ribbons, I glanced at my "teacher" for today. She was doing her own studying. Her hands moved around so quickly that I saw afterimages on the questions that were instantly filled with answers. It was like having high ping in a multiplayer game. Please upgrade the servers, thanks.
Honestly, I want to say that I was used to having a multi-talented, genius superwoman as a girlfriend, but seeing someone solve "advanced" questions in the split second of me blinking made me blink again. And blink once more after seeing another set of equations solved. And another. And—
"Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita so rudely interrupted my train of thought. "I see you're not studying."
"I was thinking…." Honestly, I couldn't think of a lame excuse to give on the fly. So I went with the truth. "…I don't think I can score high enough on the national examinations."
Yukinoshita's pencil stopped its clacking. "I thought that the reason why I was here was to help you score high enough on the national examinations. If you doubt my ability to help you then-"
"No."
I turned to my sheet of math questions.
"People have their limits."
The mathematical symbols seemed to morph into codes that had yet to be decoded, and I felt as if I lost the cipher I had.
"I was thinking that, maybe, I've reached mine."
My pen slipped from my hand and rolled to the edge of the table, abandoned.
I stared up at the ceiling, looking at the blank, white canvas, and trying to draw my thoughts on it. What was it that I wanted to say? Did I want to give up? After all the work I put into it? What exactly was the area of the shaded region if the area of the circle is—
I shook my head. Now wasn't the time to be pondering about math problems. Math problems that I probably would choke on in the actual test and not my relaxing, homely room.
Besides, my neck was killing me.
Amidst all that thinking, Yukinoshita stayed silent. Whenever she just lets me ramble on like this, I usually think that she was planning on something to say to contradict everything I said. I mean, I couldn't say that I'd know what she was going to do, but I could guess at it. My guesses end up accurate most of the time.
So I sat there, waiting for the inevitable barrage of verbal abuse that—
I felt warmth over my cheeks. Time stopped. Then, the world felt weightless.
When time started again, I found myself staring at two warm pools, and I felt my body being laid on a solid surface. My head was elevated as if a warm pillow was beneath it. It was as if I was on a rowboat, paddling along on a calm lake.
"Did you forget what I said?" Yukinoshita asked me with words that seemed to challenge every thought I had of knowing her. "People fail because they don't understand the hard work necessary to be successful."
Her hands twisted and tapped on my hair. She played with it as a minstrel would play with koto strings.
"And…"
And…?
"It seems that you finally understand."
I was greeted with a smile that told me everything was okay. It's okay to rest if you feel tired. You did enough. Loosen that upper lip. Those shoulders look stiff, loosen that as well. Just fall into my embrace.
So many meanings—carried by that warm smile.
So I took the invitation. My back against the floor. My eyes closed. Myself listening to Yukinoshita's rhythmic breathing as her pen tap, tap, tapped on her worksheet. Time seemed to slip by. My mind suddenly losing itself each minute I was here.
When her pen stopped moving, I didn't know.
When I started hearing humming, I didn't know.
When she entwined her fingers with my hair, I didn't know.
What I did know was when she called out to me.
"Hachiman."
I peered through a single eye.
"I'm finished," she said.
"Oh…"
I lifted my head from her lap.
"Thanks… for that."
She giggled. "Seeing you relax is almost a reward in itself."
Almost?
At my questioning gaze, she answered. "We need actual rewards, right?"
"Oh."
"As much as having your dead fish eyes closed feels like a reward to me, people need actual benefits, Hikigaya-kun."
"What do you want me to do, then?" I shot back at her, pulling my arms behind me to stretch out the kinks in my back. "Would you like to use my back as your chair, your highness?"
She paused. Wait, she's actually pondering it?!
She shook her head, thankfully. "No, I need something else."
"What?"
Her hand reached out, grabbing mine. Then, she brought it over the desk to the pen that laid there at the edge. Her hand closed over mine as my hand closed over the pen.
"No man is an island, Hikigaya-kun," she started.
"No tower is built alone."
She twisted her hand, slowly bringing up my hand and the pen.
"No one can be alone forever."
She pulled them closer.
"So, then, I ask."
She held my hand between us, bringing her other hand and clasping it over mine.
"Please don't forget again that I'm right here beside you, every step of the way."
The warmth of her hand spread to my shoulders and to my chest. I looked at her earnest eyes, wondering why she was trying so hard with me. With someone working so hard with me, it was as if I couldn't let her down. I realized that I couldn't bear to see Yukinoshita disappointed.
"That's the only reward I ask of you."
She leaned on my shoulder, bringing my hand back on the sheet of paper. "Can you do that for me, Hikigaya-kun?"
I looked over at the questions once more. They were still difficult, still nigh-indecipherable to me.
But now, I felt like I had my cipher once more.
She was right beside me.
Author's Note: Hello, it's me again. This time I come with my own work: a one-shot.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I did well. It's my first time writing a condensed, emotional piece after all. And I hadn't planned to write this at all, so this was mostly unplanned and rough. I, along with a couple of other really nice people (thanks guys), did try to polish this enough to be presentable, so I hope you could forgive me a little. I promise to be a bit better next time.
As for the reason this was unplanned, well, I was talking with Bchets in the DMs a few hours ago, and I lamented that I had drunk coffee in order to do something, but couldn't now due to personal reasons, so I need the caffeine to wear off but have nothing to do in the meantime. He suggested that I write something to pass the time. Initially, I laughed his suggestion off, saying that it was too painful at the moment. However, he counter-suggested with telling me to write something fluffy instead. I told him that I don't have any experience with writing fluff, since I've never been in a relationship that intimate before, but Bchets told me something that resonated with me for a few moments.
"It doesn't have to be write what you know, it can be write what you want to know."
Then I asked him, "What about write what you want to feel?"
"Why not?"
So, after a few moments, an image popped into my head. It was exams. I thought, maybe I could write Hachiman and Yukino working to pass the exams or something.
What I didn't expect was it to make me feel. I suddenly started putting my own thoughts into this piece, about my own academic failures. It wasn't just Math, by the way, but pretty much every subject involving the Korean language. Which was, in Korea, every subject. I thought of how difficult it was for me to parse through, translate, and then interpret the text I was given. I thought of people who could just read through everything seemingly without any difficulty. I put some of my envy, my jealousy, my sadness over my failures that I felt throughout my time here in Korea. But I also put in the hope I felt.
Yukinoshita, here, symbolizes the people who tried to help me despite my faults and constant failures.
I am forever grateful to them.
And I hope that my gratitude resonates within this terribly written piece.
TL;DR: I guess, what I mean was that I might've self-inserted a little here. Sorry.
Many thanks to SouBU and Bchets for betaing and making me write in the first place. I'm forever grateful.