CHAPTER 11

GET UP AND LET ME SEE YOU SMILE

Sunday, Mom spent most of the day out clothes shopping with Diane. I stayed home, saying I had to study. While this was true- finals were in just over a month-, I actually spent most of the day on my bed, texting Eve, who was similarly hiding in her room with schoolbooks and not looking at them. We didn't talk about much of importance. In fact, we texted for hours and hours about nothing in particular. We were young and in love, drunk on each others' company.

At some point, we decided that we would keep our relationship a secret at school. We would talk like friends at French and lunch, but not really let on that we were officially together. I don't really know why we decided on this. I think the official reason was that we didn't want the attention and gossip that came with being an item. (Even though, if Roxy was to be believed, everybody already knew.) Truthfully, though, we just liked the idea of being secret lovers, sharing something private that nobody else knew about.

And then Eve blew that plan out of the water. After ninth period and just before dismissal bell, she tracked me down at my locker. As soon as our eyes met, she ran up and jumped into my arms, laughing and hugging me and wrapping her legs around my waist. I spun her around like a merry-go-round, not because it was fun but because the force of her landing in my arms was enough that I had to stumble to keep from falling on my ass. After a full rotation, she allowed me to let her down. "I did it!", she said, beaming.

"That… that's great!" I said. I looked around the hall and saw a number of students taking notice. I guess we were an item now. "Uhh… what did you do?", I asked.

Eve dug around in her backpack, withdrew a page of a sketchbook and handed it to me. On it was another self-portrait. It was executed in a realistic style, quite contrary to Eve's usual anime-inspired flair. In the drawing, Eve sat nude as if on the floor, legs out before her, and. The leg closest to the viewer was bent to obscure her naughty bits. I noted an instantly recognizable face, slim frame and a modest bust. Her hair hung to her shoulders, and was colored blue, the only color in the drawing outside of the eyes.

"Wow," I said. "This is really good!" I wasn't lying. It was probably her best work yet. It captured her precisely.

She grabbed my face and gave me a big kiss. "I have you to thank for it. I used your portrait as a study, and once I saw how you did it it just all came out. Look on the back!"

I turned the drawing around. On the back side was written "Great job! A+"

"Miss Ross loved it!", Eve gushed. "She said I'd finally managed to find my true self."

"That's great!" I said, handing the drawing back and hugging her. "Congratulations!"

Eve giggled. "Thanks, Aaron. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Ah, I had nothing to do with it," I said bashfully. "This is your work, 100%. I just gave you a little bit of perspective."

She smiled. "Aaron…," she said sweetly. "You're so…"

Eve was interrupted when a rude shove from behind sent her stumbling into me. The drawing fell to the ground, where a foot in a pink heeled shoe stepped on it.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Roxy said mockingly. "Here, let me get that for you..." She reached down and took the drawing, but did not move her foot beforehand, resulting in the drawing tearing in two right down the middle as she picked it up. Eve gasped in horror.

"Oh, clumsy me!", Roxy said, only now stopping to look at the drawing. She laughed. "Oh really, doing porn now? I'm so very sorry, Eve, I guess you'll have to redo it if you want the world to see your flat chest." She dropped one half the drawing and kicked the other one away. Eve lunged to grab both halves as Roxy laughed. The drawing was torn diagonally across. Completely ruined.

Eve rose to her feet, looking at the torn drawing as if she'd just seen a beloved pet run over by a car. She turned to Roxy, who was still cackling like a supervillain. Becca and Missy stood behind her, laughing along. "Roxy…," Eve said, discordantly soft. "How could you?"

"How could I what? Tear up your little drawing?", Roxy said. "Oh, the humanity! Never mind that I have a criminal record now thanks to you, but surely, surely, a torn drawing is a tragedy on par with Shakespeare!"

"Do you... do you have any idea how much work I put into this?!", Eve said, anger rising in her voice. "How many weeks I spent trying to get it right?"

"Weeks?", Roxy said. "Weeks?! I put years into my reputation! Into my life! Now, everybody looks at me like a jailbird thanks to you, loser! Do you know my mom's threatening to send me to rehab for the summer?!"

I sneered and waved my hand as if to banish Roxy to the netherworld. "Fuck off, Roxy!"

Both girls ignored both me and the crowd that was gathering. "Yes, I vandalized your art," Roxy continued, "and that's nowhere near enough to make us even! You want to amends, hand over that sketchbook of yours so I can shred them ALL!" Eve grimaced, her fists clenching, but Roxy didn't stop. "Shred them into tiny. Little. Bits. Just like what you made of my life, you flat-chested little FREAK!"

Kindled already, Eve's anger burst into flames. "You fucking WHORE!", she screamed.

Eve shoved Roxy, and Roxy shoved her back, and in the blink of the eye they were wailing on each other, arms swinging wildly. I jumped in in an attempt to break it up, but only got shoved to the ground myself. Roxy got Eve into a headlock, jamming the smaller girl's face into her dodgeball-sized breast in an apparent attempt to smother her to death. Becca tried halfheartedly to get Roxy to disengage, while Missy- as usual- stood around cluelessly. In the background, students cheered the fight. I struggled to my feet, wondering if this situation was serious enough that I could jump in and start hitting a girl. But before I could do anything, there was a flash of white and Roxy screamed. Eve broke free and stumbled back while Roxy stared at her chest, aghast. "You bit my boob, you little freak!", she said.

Before Eve could retort, the piercing sound of a gym whistle cut through the air, so loud we all covered our ears. I turned to where the sound came from, and my heart sank to see the last person you wanted to catch you brawling in the halls.

"You three have been getting in a lot of trouble lately," Annie said. "Especially this delinquent here." She pointed an accusing finger at Eve, who scoffed dismissively.

For fighting in the hall, the three of us- Roxy, Eve, and I- had been marched off to the science lab that served as detention room. We sat three in a row, with Eve in the center, slouching disinterestedly in our chairs. Annie stood before us, marching back and forth with her hands behind her back while berating us. Mister Jackson sat at the big stone-topped teacher's desk up front, waiting patiently for Annie to finish her self-important tirade.

"But you two," Annie said, pointing to Roxy and I each in turn. "You have been no angels either. Apparently, none of you understand that the school has rules, and these rules exist for a reason."

"What reason?", Eve asked. "So that you can be a dick to the whole school?"

"Hey…," Mister Jackson begun, but Annie cut him off.

"I will handle this, Mister Jackson." Her gaze snapped towards Eve. "Watch your mouth, delinquent! I will not stand for insubordinate behavior in my detention… And don't you start!" This last was directed at Roxy, who had been making yaketty-yak gestures.

Roxy rolled her eyes.

"Do NOT give me that lip!", Annie said, taking out a pencil and notepad. "I will remind you that I am a representative of the principal and the school administration, and disrespect with not be tolerated!"

"Why are you picking on me, anyway?" Roxy said. "She's the real criminal here!"

"I am not!", Eve protested.

Roxy smirked. "Criminal, traitor, liar…"

Annie cut Roxy off by stamping her foot once for attention and then dramatically striking her notepad with a pencil.

"What?", Eve said. "You've got a Death Note there?"

Again Annie struck the notepad with her pencil. "What I have here," she said, "is a tally of the number of extra days detention for each of you. You both have one. If you keep talking, I will keep giving them out. There will be quiet in detention."

Silence.

For about a second.

"You're still a pothead," Roxy told Eve. Annie added another check to her notes.

"So are you!", Eve retorted. Again, Annie made a check in her notepad. I propped an elbow up on my desk, rested my head in my hand, and sighed. This would be going on a while. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Jackson leaning back with a similarly resigned expression. When he does the detention spiel it's simple: Sit down, shut up, phones off, raise your hand if you need anything. Annie has to make a big production out of it.

"I just used what you gave me," Roxy said. Check.

"I'm not the one who was dumb enough to bitch-slap a cop!", Eve said. Check.

"Wouldn't have had to if not for you!", said Roxy. Check.

"Fuck you!", said Eve. Check.

"Fuck me? You're the one who fucks over your friends!", said Roxy. Check.

"At least my friends stick around, yours bail the second they see little miss gestapo here!", said Eve Check and check again, presumably for calling Annie a Nazi. Or possibly for calling her little.

"Oh, go have a funeral for your chicken-scratch drawings", said Roxy. Check.

"Go fuck a teacher, you whore!", said Eve. Check.

"At least I could be a whore! With your scrawny little body...", said Roxy. Check.

"Fuck you!", said Eve. Check.

"Look in the mirror, freak, your boobs are pancakes!", said Roxy. Check.

"Yours are volleyballs!", said Eve. Check.

"Annie's are just plain ugly," I said.

All eyes in the room turned to me. Apparently, everybody had forgotten I was here.

"Well, why should I let you two hog all the trouble for yourselves?!", I said.

Annie made several new checks in her notepad. "Now you're all caught up." Before Eve and Roxy could start up again, she continued. "I suggest you all take your personal problems and shove them down your throats, because I have the authority to keep adding on to your detention until we reach the end of the school year!"

I groaned. "No, Annie, you do not have the authority."

Annie wheeled on me. "Don't I now? I'll have you know..."

"You have no authority, Annie. None!", I said. "All you can do is make recommendations to the principal. Which she ignores because she's as sick of your shit as everybody else!"

Annie recoiled. "S-she does not! The principal takes my..."

Ignoring her protests, I persisted. "When was the last time she approved your detentions? Because I never hear from anybody who did more than a single day."

Annie scowled. "That's..."

"Or how about that new dress code you were so gung-ho about?", I asked. "Did that get shot down too? Come to think of it, does anybody even listen to your threats anymore? Is anybody afraid of you? Or are you the only student in the whole school who doesn't know you're just a measly hall monitor with delusions of grandeur?!"

"Hey!", Mister Jackson cut in. Out of respect for his authority, I crossed my arms and left it at that. Before me, Annie seethed, hands clenched into fists and shaking. She fixed me with her trademark icy glare, but it wavered.

"Turn your phones off," Annie said in a measured voice. "Stay in your seats. Do not speak. Raise your hands if you need anything. You will be informed when it's time to leave, not before. Mister Jackson, I must make my daily report to the administration. I trust you can take it from here?"

Mister Jackson nodded. Annie turned and stomped out of the room. As she left Mister Jackson shook his head and mouthed something silently. I was 99% sure what he mouthed was "Fucking Annie." Then he took out a book and started reading. To my side, I saw Roxy and Eve, mouthing insults at each other. Roxy tossed an eraser at Eve, hitting her in the head. "Ow!" Eve said, getting Mister Jackson's attention. I hurriedly raised my hand. "Mister Jackson?"

"Yes?" he replied.

"May I switch seats with Eve?", I asked.

"Please do," he said.

Detention goes until 4:00. Depending on who sends you there and for what, you can be out much sooner, but (Fucking) Annie always gives you the max. We were allowed to work on our homework and study, but boredom always sets in about the half-hour mark. Eve spent at least some of the time drawing. Halfway through, she showed me a sketch she's done of Roxy done up as an ugly demon-girl. I had to stifle a laugh.

When we finally got out, Roxy stomped off in one direction, ignoring us. Eve and I walked together to the school's front gate, where we found Kevin's car parked at the curb, and Kevin himself standing beside. He waved as we came out, and I waved back.

"Need a ride home?", he asked.

"Wouldn't mind," I replied. "Can you drop off Eve, too?"

"No problem," he said. "Just hop in the back," he told Eve.

Eve thanked him and opened the rear side passenger door. We all got in and buckled our seat belts: Kevin in the driver's seat, Eve in the rear center, me next to her on the passenger side. "What's the occasion?", I asked Kevin. His shift ended a little before dismissal, and he usually didn't wait around for me. Certainly not until 4:00.

"Your aunt asked me. Says she's tired of you missing dinner," Kevin said.

I had been getting home late a lot recently, come to think of it. Priorities.

Looking back over the seat, he added, "So, are you two official now?"

I looked at Eve, who smiled behind her hood.

"Well, uh..." I said, "I guess you could say that, yeah,"

"Well, congrats on that!," Kevin said. "Certainly took you long enough."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, from what I've heard, we were basically the last ones to know."

Kevin laughed. "You'd be surprised how often that happens. Anybody can look at you two and see it was meant to be."

I shook my head. "Nothing's meant to be. I'm here because I choose to be." I took Eve's hand. "Because I want to be. Because this girl is worth it."

Eve smiled. And rolled her eyes. "Has he always been this sappy?", she asked Kevin.

Kevin put up his hands defensively. "I plead the fifth. I'm going to drop Aaron off first, that okay?"

Eve nodded.

"Alright, let's get going." Kevin started the car, and pulled away from the curb.

Kevin put on some music and focused on the road. In a matter of seconds my arm was around Eve and she was cuddled up against me, or as close to it as two people wearing seat belts could get. She nuzzled her nose against my cheek and received a peck on the lips, and then another. So short a time, yet this already felt perfectly natural, even ordinary.

My eyes wandered over Eve's body. Once you knew the truth, you could see little traces and hints of it; subtleties in the shape of the shoulders or the cheeks that suggested she'd been born in a boy's body. Or maybe I had it backwards; maybe because I knew it, my mind invented things to see.

"What?", she said. She must have noticed me looking, but the half-grin as she said it told me she didn't mind being oogled a little. Just a little.

"Nothing," I said. "Just admiring."

She smiled back at me. Rested her hand on my chest and slowly drew it downward, delicate fingers teasing me through the fabric of my shirt.

Kevin must have caught a glimpse of us in the rear view. "Hey, keep it clean back there, lovebirds!", he teased. "First base is fine, but I don't want any stains on the seats!"

I groaned. "Yeah, yeah, we'll behave," I said over the music. Eve snickered.

We sat there a moment, just looking and smiling.

I was sure Kevin couldn't hear over the music, but nevertheless I leaned into Eve's hood for a little extra privacy. "So what's it like?", I said.

"What's what like?", Eve replied.

"Becoming a girl," I said.

She hesitated to answer, and I suddenly realized that was a very personal question to ask out of simple curiosity.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean to..."

"No, no, it's alright," she said reassuringly. "I'm not ashamed of it or anything, I just… I'm not really sure how to put it into words." She shifted a little in her seat, trying to get more comfortable. "In a sense, I've always been a girl. As early as kindergarten, I liked doing 'girl stuff' more than 'boy stuff'. Once time when I was… I suppose four or so, Grace let me dress in one of her frilly old party dresses and we painted each other's toenails, and talked like girls did. When our parents caught us, they yelled at her for encouraging me and gave me a talk about having to make friends with the boys at school. At the time, I think their main concern was that they didn't want me being bullied.

"I don't think any of us took it seriously back then- Grace was in middle school, and just liked having the sister she always wanted. Mom and Dad thought it was a phase that I would grow out of eventually. But I didn't. In fact, as I got older, I only got more sure that I wasn't meant to be a boy. It's like… you know when you get some new shoes, and they're uncomfortable for a few days until your feet get used to them? That was me. Only it wasn't my shoes, it was my skin. And it never went away.

"When I started taking hormones... it was like going through puberty all over again. It's like your body is mutating into something completely different- my breasts started growing out, my voice changed- it was exciting, but also kind of unnerving. One of the things the hormones do, they make your balls shrink. That freaked me out. I mean, it didn't give me second thoughts, but it did kind of drive home the fact that there would be things I'd have to give up if I continued on this path."

"You'll have to get rid of them entirely at some point, I take it?", I asked.

Eve shrugged. "Well, I don't have to do anything. It's not like a checklist you have to fill out before being declared a 'real' woman. I'll probably lose my testicles eventually, though. They mean well, but they just keep dumping testosterone into my bloodstream, trying to make a man out of me. The rest, well… I haven't decided yet. What do you think?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, whatever."

Eve gave me a confused look.

"Like I told you, I don't care. It's Eve I love, and you'll always be Eve." I said. "Besides, it's your life, not mine, and your decisions to make. It wouldn't be right of me to push you towards being what I want you to be. I'm just here to hold your hand through it."

I was actually a little surprised at how brightly Eve smiled when she heard that. "You're such a sap, Aaron," she said playfully.

"Deal with it, baby," I replied.

We laughed together and she snuggled a bit closer. "You know, the sacrifices of the flesh, they aren't so bad. What really hurts is the social drama. Once I started transitioning, everybody in my old school hated me. Boys thought I was a traitor, girls thought I was a poser, everybody thought I was crazy or creepy. I didn't know starting a new life would mean resetting all my friendships. But I guess I never had any real friends there to begin with. And my parents were not supportive at all... there were days that it felt like I was alone in the universe. That's why I kept it all a secret when I moved here. I didn't want to be judged. But everybody judged me anyway, just for being the girl in the hoodie who nobody knew. Everybody except you.

"Aaron, that first day when you talked to me… I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. For a while I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for it to turn out to be setup to some vicious prank or something. But it never did, and eventually I realized… all you saw when you looked at me was me. Not a target, not a trophy, not a lost soul in need of saving, not a puzzle to be solved. Just me. It had been so long since somebody looked at me and saw a human being. Aaron…," for a second the words caught in her throat. It took her a moment to relax. "Aaron, meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me."

She smiled at me, and I returned the smile. Then, before things could get weepy, I flicked her nose gently. "Now who's getting sappy?", I asked.

Eve laughed, and slapped me in the chest mock-angrily. We kissed, and then she laid her head on my shoulder. I hugged her and everything felt good.

Presently the car pulled up at Aunt Diane's house. With one last kiss, Eve released me.

"This is my stop," I said. "Thanks for the ride, Kev. Be sure to get her home safe."

Kevin nodded and waved. "Have a good one."

I climbed out of the car, dragging my backpack with me. I moved to close the door. But at the last second, I stopped and leaned back in. "Hey, you know, why don't you come in?", I asked Eve. "There's room for one more at the dinner table."

"Uh…," Eve said, caught off guard. "Thanks, but… I'll have to take a rain check. I'm doing something tonight. Some other time though, for sure."

"Ah," I said, failing to hide my disappointment. "Alright, see you tomorrow, then. Take care." I leaned in and stole just one more kiss before closing the door and stepping back. I watched the car roll off until it was out of sight.

I walked up to the front door, opened it and announced myself. I walked into the living room to see Mom dressed in a sharp business suit, checking herself in a mirror and discussing with Aunt Diane how to re-domesticate a head of hair that had gone feral from neglect. "Aaron!", Aunt Diane said. "How was school?"

I blinked. "Uh, fine except for detention. New clothes?"

"You like them?", Mom asked. "How do I look?" She spun around to give me the 360 degree view.

"You look good," I said. "What's the occasion?"

"Your mother has a job interview tomorrow," Aunt Diane said.

"That's great news!", I said brightly. "Hope it goes well!"

"Well, that's what we're trying to make sure," Diane said. "Dinner will be leftovers tonight, make a plate whenever you want."

"No problem," I said. "I'll be upstairs if you need me. Good luck!"

And I headed up to my room, my steps light and bouncy on the staircase. If Dad was watching then, I imagine he'd be happy to see us doing well. Life was good.

And part of me would like to end this story right here, with my family back on its feet, a bright future ahead, and Eve and I living happily; if not ever after, than at least for a while. But that wouldn't be the whole story. Because life doesn't give you simple and clean happily ever afters. Life, like high school, is drama. And drama never sleeps. As I sauntered springily up that staircase, I had no idea that Eve and I were less than twenty-four hours away from a drama that would put to the test everything I thought I knew about us, and show me the true cost of having to bury the past.