Mmmmh ?
Awaken little by little, Yasuo didn't know what was happening. It must have been something since he was far too peaceful in his sleep. All was gentle and warm and now he felt like pulled lightly. Well, not exactly.
Eyes open sleepily, he looked for the matter and in fact, it was just Yi. Getting out of their embrace. The latter was sitting in bed, Yasuo's arms still trying to cling to him by the waist.
« Babyyyyyy….come back…. » This was all he asked in this far too early hour. Really ? It was just how he felt it.
Even under the thin blur after sleep he could see Yi's expression, sighing deeply before he gave him his attention.
« My apologies, I tried as I could to leave without waking you but it failed. »
Oh no… Yi had to leave. Sad news to wake up to. As far as Yasuo knew, he never found him on departure at such time of the day.
« Don't go… » Useless to ask and beg, without a doubt Yi had no choice. Cosmic issues, as always. But it didn't stop Yasuo from showing his reluctance to give his lover back to them.
« I can't, love. I'm needed elsewhere and I'm getting late. I'm truly sorry. »
Last words before Yi suddenly leaned to kiss him, words caught as well as his dear thoughts. It was hungry but short, barely the time for him to return it after the few blessed seconds of haze. Then it was over, as quick as it happened. His arms closed around nothing and when he opened his eyes again, Yi was nowhere to be seen.
« Honey ? » A little disbelieving, Yasuo sat up even if it made him dizzy from the sudden move. Looking around, in only proved him he was alone.
Heart broken without warning. It hurt a lot but it would be fine, they went through that every two days or more often. Just it hurt like a bitch.
Yasuo flopped back in bed, honestly wondering if he was going to cry or not. He's gone… After such a strange day, this was almost too much. But he would resist, like always. At least he got a last kiss before Yi left him. What a taste.
Now he had nothing to do except sulk a little and sigh for his love to come back. Even if it was merely a minute after. Going back to sleep at least would give him a few hours less to wait but without the latter, nothing sounded fun. A good cuddle would be really appreciated in this moment.
Rolling over in the blanket, Yasuo grabbed the pillow and grumbled lowly. Unfair. He had no one to blame for that, since it was Yi's mission and purpose. In no way he was legitimate to complain to his peers and ask for proper work hours. Ridiculous, really.
Solitude hit hard, making him still hope to find sleep again. Or this day would feel even worse than the latest.
There was still one good news, his wish was granted quickly. Surely because he was still in the right moment to rest, he fell asleep like the dead. For the best really. It would avoid cosmic entities to hear a poor mortal longing for his lover.
Each day he had to wait for Yi to come back, he declared it felt like the longest day of his life. It wasn't always true but each time indeed Yasuo couldn't help this yearning.
After maybe a two-hour nap – or rather night complement – he got out of his bedroom to give a sign of life. But the main reason remained that he felt alone and without Yi he wasn't in such good mood. Jinx witnessed that indeed when they got into a small fight barely a few minutes after their paths crossed. It finished rather well, Sona got them to play a board game to calm everything.
So the day wasn't really lost, if not a little empty in his heart. Probably the rest of the crew noticed he wasn't really up for troubles but just missed Yi a lot. Jinx didn't joke again for the day and left him at peace, how nice of her. A sort of shared effort not to piss him more than he was. Probably because he looked a little pathetic and sad once he wasn't angry.
The lizard stayed with him till the evening, small company encouraged by their guest since usually the creature followed her instead. Adaptation since Yi had arrived in the Morning Star in what felt like years ago.
Not really alone. Yasuo still found some company and place to stay quietly. But nothing would really improve his state of mind unless Yi came back to him.
Then the miracle happened, not so long after the whole crew took dinner together. While Yasuo returned to that far room where he usually read and else, he noticed a change and the following second he was embraced from behind.
The best feeling in the world. Baby ? And it had to happen in a lost corridor of the ship. On reflex Yasuo held him too, although the latter was pressed to his back with little freedom to move.
Before he could even let his love spill, Yasuo gasped lowly when he felt Yi truly holding him, face resting to his shoulder. Right then his heart threatened to give up, so much sweetness.
« Hey darling. I-I missed you. » Not nearly aware that they weren't in his bedroom, this was still somewhat public. But nothing could help him in this instant, voice at the brink of thrembling.
Only one thing could make him weak and it happened. No voiced answer from Yi yet he expressed a lot through gestures and position. They didn't move but he trailed his hands with reverence over Yasuo's body, despite the barrier of fabric. His face – still masked as reminder of their open situation – lingered near Yasuo's neck, chilly shock. There was no words to describe this cascade of emotions overwhelming like these cautious hands over him.
Until he couldn't take more, remembering where they were in the instant. Without a look back, he got out of the embrace and held Yi's hands to lead him somewhere safe. His room. Their home. If Yasuo didn't dare to look at him yet, it was because it felt like a spell. Look back and maybe it would be a dream. His heart got faster as he reached his door, unlocked it then went inside, Yi right behind him. A little more and no doubt he would lose it completely.
The instant he heard the hiss of the door being closed and locked, Yasuo turned around and pushed the latter back to it. Oh, to see Yi had already taken his mask off as soon as they were alone. His heart made funny things, too thrilled and glad and still a little bit sad for their latest accident.
Now he was free. After a shared gaze that felt like an eternity, equally heartfelt on the emotions showed, Yasuo closed distance to sate his urges from the day. Already too much, he couldn't stop himself from begging more through his reactions and moves, eager hands pressing Yi to the door.
At last…
Soon air was needed but it didn't break their contact in the slightest. On the opposite, Yi held him close and gave tiny peck wherever he could reach. Each single one made Yasuo's more uncertain about his own self-control. After all they went through, it was too sweet to feel the latter keeping some initiative like this.
« I love you so much. » Whispered between kisses, lips trailing over cheek till they could meet again.
Why was it so good ? Why did it hurt even in a so little amount that it made it better ? Yasuo had no idea where this emotional sensitivity came from, he just felt it at once.
This could be the sign that everything was fine between them, that Yi accepted to trust.
« I love you too, so much I can't help worrying for you. » It could have slipped without more attention.
As soon Yasuo looked up to meet his gaze, without putting any kind of distance or this would have been desastrous. It's not over… Not really easy to do but he still had a small hope the night would help.
« No, no, no. You don't have to worry too much like this. »
That gaze turned a little sad, it hurt to see. Of course guilt followed him every day. At least Yi still accepted to join him, stay by his side. Yasuo was aware he would consider seriously cutting any contact if it meant ensuring his safety but it would hurt so much more.
« I will, no matter what you or anyone say. But I…I will try to work on that. »
He talked about it with someone ? The idea came out of nowhere but it was possible. If Yi had no problem discussing sex and that kind of stuff with his peers, then he could very well talk about deeper issues.
It was still a change compared to heavy silence and quiet embraces. Maybe it would hurt to walk that path but it could lead to better understanding.
« Did you talk with someone ? One of your friends ? » Curious, because maybe his peers were able to make him understand how destructive it was to worry to such level.
Gone, that eager mood and lingering sweetness. Affection remained but it wasn't so obvious, although contact stayed as strong.
Since it looked like another serious bit of conversation to come, Yasuo stepped away from the door to take his lover to bed. The embrace broke for an instant, merely the time to sit down in bed and reach for each other again. That urge was mutual, kind to register.
« My queen asked to, since she was worried. » A little too low to seem normal. Yi obviously made an effort to make it pass casually, like it wasn't a real matter.
Aside the reminder that any of the cosmics were watching them from time to time, Yasuo felt that serious mood. Against such upcoming sadness, he came in Yi's lap and held him as he could. Then maybe the conversation would be easier.
« What did she say ? »
Yi paused shortly, gaze going anywhere else than his lover so close. Then he resumed : « That you're right, I can't worry in such extreme. She…doesn't want me to punish myself. » It turned out weak indeed, like it was supposed to feel when one was exposed.
Strong emotion took Yasuo, urging to appease the latter. Because this wasn't easy for Yi, he only wanted to do well and never wanted to hurt.
« Maybe now you'll listen, since it's from your queen. It's true, baby, you don't have to be mean to yourself. » Gently he cluddled with him, hoping that would soother a little. The small victory was to feel Yi holding him back.
« I already considered your opinion. » Quick to reply, obviously he didn't like the edge to that. To return on a lower tone : « It's still very difficult, I would hate to hurt you like I did but at the same time, preventing would also hurt you. »
What. Yasuo wasn't sure what he meant so he checked : « What do you mean, 'preventing' ? » If he's talking about leaving…
« I mean solutions like not having sex anymore. Just on my side, not for you don't worry. »
Hell no.
« The fuck you're suggesting ? That I'd still be able to have sex but not you ? »
« I hurt you during one of these occasions, I can't allow myself to find pleasure at the cost of your safety. »
That was what he thought. Yi really considered only giving to Yasuo while receiving nothing. Hello old memories from their first times together. He refused to go back to that, it would be too painful for him.
« Fuck no. I'm not using you again. Never. »
A sigh from Yi after this, surely he already knew that : « This is why I can't use that solution. Your guilt is as important than mine and I refuse to push yours. »
Okay, okay. That was clear, good thing. But for now they had no solution yet. Yasuo let this run in his mind as he could.
« So what ? Did you queen give a solution or some advice ? » That would have been quite nice indeed, since everything Yi came up with involved a great imbalance of fun or happiness for him.
« Not a clear one, I fear. But she was positive you would find ideas to enjoy without too much risk. »
This actually made Yasuo laugh out loud, because of course they would trust him to find any hot stuff to do. Oh sweet responsibility.
On the other side, Yi didn't seem to know how to react to that, overly confused gaze to him.
« Oh no, baby, don't worry. Just, really ? What kind of reputation I have among you guys ? »
The tension dropped a little, this was a relief. Yi didn't look concerned anymore.
« Well, I suppose that after all you had us to try, it seems clear you know your field. »
Another reason to laugh harder. That's it. I'm the fucker. It wasn't exactly wrong but to be known for that among literal gods and goddesses, it was peculiar.
It took a little longer for him to collect himself and return on this at first serious topic. What could we do ?
Meanwhile, Yi had kept the embrace despite the sudden change of mood.
« Ok, ok, I'm serious now. If really you need to, maybe we can find something to tie your arms or hands. I know, it sounds kinky and probably it won't last shit compared to your strenght but we could try. »
Some ideas thrown without care. Because in fact, they could still do whatever they already did together. Just it would require Yasuo not to fucking cuddle while the latter was out.
Yi had that innocent look of a few occasion, like he just changed his way of seeing the world. « Maybe, we could try. »
Still not fully convinced though, it would seem.
Something else wandered in Yasuo's mind and he was ready to give it a shot. Why not ?
« Hey, I have another idea. All this time you liked fucking me but how about the other way ? That's not what I usually do but I'm ready to top if you want. Plus, you never tried. »
If a mere gaze was an answer, then that latest gaze hinted with anticipation looked like a solid yes.
Oh fuck, we doing it.