Author's Note: Hi, everyone. I know it's been quite some years since I updated this. I never intended to just leave it for so long, but I unfortunately lost the notebook I'd written it in. Lucky for all of you guys, I FOUND IT! I'm sorry for taking so long and I can't thank you enough for all of you being so patient with me. Plus with Quarentine I've finally got enough free time to edit the crap out of it and type it all up. Now at long last, I'm proud to present, Chapter 5 of Trials of the Heart.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Andrew Hussie and the Aquarium stuck AU belongs to salihombox on Tumblr.
Chapter V
Cronus' POV
All around me the only thing I can see is pure darkness. It's as if there's simply nothing there, but an empty, never ending void. I can feel a bit, but, honestly, I really wish I couldn't. It's an unpleasant burning sensation, that runs so hot that it feels as if liquid fire is burning through my very veins. After what seems like an eternity, the pain begins to numb somewhat. It doesn't vanish completely, but it does ease to the point where it's more of a dull throbbing ache rather than the searing inferno it was before. At one point the pain returns with a vengeance, rocketing to excruciating levels, but after a bit I feel a sharp prick in the side of my neck and it starts to subside again.
Every so often, my hearing will return enough for me to catch bits and pieces of what's going on around me before it once again fades into silence. Even when I can hear, everything sounds like it's far away and garbled, like I'm hearing it through heavy static. I can only make out small portions of what it being said; a few words here, a sentence or two there, but not nearly enough to really understand what's going on. This continues for who know how long, until at last, one voice cuts through all the static. I immediately recognize the voice as belonging to Kankri.
"9h, Cr9nus. H9w I wish that there was s9me way for me t9 help y9u, 6ut I d9n't kn9w much a69ut medicine 9ther than the 6asic first aid I'm required t9 kn9w f9r the C9ast Guard. Even if I was a6le t9 simply 6e cl9ser t9 y9u; that way I c9uld d9 m9re t9 9ffer s9me f9rm 9f c9mf9rt t9 help y9u thr9ugh this h9rri6le pain y9u must 6e in. Seeing y9u like this makes my heart ache like n9thing I've ever felt 6ef9re and kn9wing I can d9 n9thing t9 help y9u 9nly makes me feel utterly useless. Damnit! I wish I knew what I c9uld d9 t9 help y9u!"
Unlike everything I've been hearing up to this point, which was all garbled and really, impossible for me to understand, Kankri's voice is crystal clear and I can understand every word he's saying. Something bothers me though. Kankri's voice sounds so sad and desperate, like he's being lweighed down by some terrible burden. My heart aches at hearing how upset he is and I wish for nothing more than to be able to wrap my arms around him and hold him close; to be able to tell him that everything is going to be ok. I wish with all my heart that I could make all his pain and sadness vanish.
I've known that I have feelings for The sweet albino since the moment I first laid eyes on him when he can to visit the aquarium for the first time since saving me and my family. I'd seen him before, on the poachers boat and vaguely recall him touching my cheek and telling me it was all going to be okay, but up until he'd showed up at the aquarium, I'd believed that he'd been an angel, an apparition conjured up by my own pain and fear addled mind to try and calm myself. Yet the moment I spotted him, I knew that my angel was no figment of my imagination, and though I didn't know it yet, this angel would soon be the one to hold the key to my heart.
At first, I did everything I could to try and convince myself that it was just a little passing crush, not wanting to get my hopes up only to end up hurt. I tried to tell myself I'd never see him again, but he kept returning to the aquarium to visit and check on how me and my family were doing. He would always make time to stay and talk to me. I tried to convince myself that we had nothing in common and as soon as I got to know him the crush would go away. Unfortunately for me, the more we talked and got to know one another, the more I feel for him.
I know myself well enough to know that by now, I've caught serious feelings for this man despite my many attempts to avoid it. I know a relationship between a mertroll and a human would probably never work and the odds of him returning my affections were slim to none, but I simply couldn't help it. By the time I realized how deep in I was getting it was far too late and I was head over fins for him.
I haven't confided in anyone about my feelings yet. I don't have anyone here who I trust enough to talk to them about it. If my Dad or brother, Eridan, were here I could talk to them but due to the three of us being such different sizes, we're all in different facilities within the aquarium. Even if I could talk to my family about it, I'm almost certain that my Dad would never approve of it. Where I come from, stories of humans and mertrolls meeting in which the human isn't some poacher or out to harm the mertroll some how are incredibly rare. Not to mention that a relationship between the two races is completely unheard of. In some areas of the ocean it's even considered taboo.
Even so, I can't help the fact that I've developed these kinds of feelings for him. Even the thought that one day, I'll be forced to return to my home in the ocean with my Dad and brother and likely never see him again isn't enough to deter these kinds of feelings. The thought of that day is another reason I keep my feelings hidden, because even if I confessed to Kankri and by some miracle he returned my feelings and we started a relationship, my stay at this aquarium is temporary. I would eventually have to return to the ocean and leave Kankri behind and that would only cause more pain for the both of us. Causing Kankri any kind of pain is something I never want to do as long as I live, so My emotions must remain a secret, locked away deep inside my heart.
Hearing him now and how sad he sounds breaks my heart, especially since I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything to lift his sadness and worry away while I'm trapped in this damned darkness. I try to fight against it with all my strength but no matter what I do, nothing works as Kankri's voice fades away, leaving me ones again trapped in the silent void.
After a while, a new sensation appears. It's completely different from the burning pain, or throbbing ache that even now persists; it's even different from the sharp prick I felt in my neck earlier. This feeling is soft and gentle against my hand. It's warm and pleasant, like someone is holding it and telling me that soon all will be well. For a moment, I wonder if it's an angel, maybe my mom, come to take me away from all this pain and guide me up to heaven. Like the ones in the stories Kankri told me about when I asked him about different beliefs humans have.
It's this new sensation that becomes a catalyst for a shift in the void around me. After a bit, it seems to be deteriorating. It's a slow process but gradually, I'm able to sense more of my surroundings. Sound comes back first. Clear this time, rather than the static it was earlier. I can notice the beep of a heart monitor, the quiet, the gentle hum of the tank's filtration system, and the soft, almost silent sound of someone breathing underwater near to me, recognizable only thanks to the ever so quiet fluttering sound gills make as one breathes through them. After my hearing has returned, my sense of touch is next to come back. I can feel the pleasant and familiar sensation of cool water against my skin, the softness of the bed of sea sponges that I must be laying upon, the odd and slightly worrying feeling of something wrapped tightly around my torso, and lastly, the feeling of two small calloused hands which feel so familiar yet strange at the same time holding one of my own hands between them in an embrace so careful, as if the owner of the hands is afraid I may shatter at any moment.
With two of my senses returned to me, I start to fight anew against the darkness, yearning to force it away completely so that I can open my eyes and see who's been at my side all this time, for as much as I would love it if it was Kankri, I know that he can't breathe underwater and there's no sounds of a breathing tank. After what feels like an eternity and leaves my head pounding, I manage to force my eyelids open. It takes a moment for them to focus enough for me to see properly. When they finally focus enough so I can see clearly, I'm amazed to see that the one at my side actually is Kankri, yet this is Kankri as I never thought I would see him.
The Kankri besides me isn't human. He's somehow taken on the form of a mertroll like me and the others at the aquarium. He isn't a manta ray like I am though. No, he's covered in the beautiful scales of what looks like a koi fish. I've never seen one in person, but Kankri showed me pictures. Beautiful white and red scales cover from his neck down to his waist where he has a beautiful tail of the same colors. He looks so beautiful and for a moment, I think that I must be having a hallucination. Kankri isn't a mertroll, he's human. He can't be this creature by my side, no matter how much it looks like him. I'm saddened at the thought that this can't be Kankri, one look at his face though and all my doubts vanish. No one in the whole world, land or sea, could possibly match Kankri's beautiful visage. I have no idea how, but somehow Kankri figured out how to turn into a mertroll and is currently sitting besides me, holding my hand.
He appears to be lost in thought, so much so that when I first open my eyes, he doesn't notice I'm awake right away. To be honest, I'm glad he doesn't notice right away because my brain needs a few minutes to catch up and process what I'm seeing.
When my mind is finally all caught up and able to process that, yes I am seeing this and no it's not a dream, I open my mouth to speak. I must have been out a while though. My throat is sore and feels achy from disuse. Because of this, my voice comes out soft and strained sounding.
"K-Kankri? Is that really you?"
Author's Note: Sorry this is such a short chapter. I actually lost the notebook again so I need to find it before I write more. I promise I'm going to continue this though. Just please be patient with me while I relocate the notebook where everything is written down.